Game Thread Archives/A Story Two Words At A Time

Thread Announcement

(Jon Ingram: 10 Mar 2005 10:31)

Word association is fun, but there's no real heart to it. Let's try and create some sentences ... with the restriction that each person can only add *two words* to the end of the words that are currently there. Feel free to use any words you want -- names, places, etc. -- as long as they make some sort of grammatical sense, and try to only look at the last few entries when composing your own. You can also end the current sentence and start a new one whenever you feel like it. Let's see what the group stream of conciousness looks like Smile. 

And we start with: 

One day, ...

Archivist's Notes

This thread was last posted to in October of 2012. The thread will remain locked with a pointer to this archive page.

The following modifications were made to the texts as posted by the original authors:

interleaved commentary was removed.
arbitrary paragraph breaks were inserted at every ~5th line ending in a period (in source, prior to the next step.)
punctuation added to 'previous' line by explicit prefixing moved up.
accommodations to wiki formatting were made.
the word 'END.' was added after the last post.

The Story

One day, ... only recently, the amazing blue sky was falling into a very deep sleep. Elston was at his customary home in jabber.org dancing and distributing chocolate, and liquor when suddenly in ornate splendor, the cat came bursting through and said: talking cats? meow. meow? But Ellston could not understand cattese. On the table, sat Lady Electra and a crystal vase containing milk. Magical smoke wafted from the silver mesh of the gear-assembly, slip-sliding unctuous oil pouring down the back of her neck and carefully upending the teapot that was brewing unattended. Then, very slowly, as if he'd never before seen a frog chocolate dipped and rolled in fly-wings, Elston crept across the linoleum, opened the back-door, and looked ravishing, dressed in a purple leather motorcycle jacket. No songbirds or squirrels ever contemplated being so lavishly dressed. Elston called his physiotherapist Fred. Then Fred said "Take two times five gerbils, attach three scintillating disco balls which were hanging on his ears, not that there's anything quite as succulent as Peking Duck noiselessly gliding through a greasy broth and call your mama! On Tuesday, his mama baked cake. Unfortunately, her favorite cook-book, poorly proofed, said "boil" instead of "stir", so, sadly, the elephant cried.

It was nighttime when we drove home from the planet for some unknown reason, and I couldn't see who came to scare the raccoons that ate my toes. The elephant trumpeted his french horn, which caused pandemonium throughout the Senate. Meanwhile, back and front grew daisies, and these kept pushing and pushing until the the elephant popped out a big bag of in-the-shell peanuts! "I'm allergic!", squeaked Elston's rubber ducky. Love-a-Duck swam away from the swirling drain. Fearlessly blood from (I'm lost) anyone sucking the ineffable tube of incredibly tasty, low carb yorkshire pudding product, then it should not burst in ear. Consequently, the lawyers have jointly concluded that illegal distribution of hairpins to members of the opposition, is highly likely to cause undue pain in the abdominal region of anyone who dares approach and looks through the hairpin bin.

Of course, the hairs on her face were intricately woven and decorated with green four-leaved clover and suspiciously devoid of the usual shit. Why the hell she chose his kind doberman to defend the dastardly King's stash of dark chocolate, instead of giant lizards that could shoot lasers blinding the chasing enemy and slicing cucumbers thinly lengthwise. From the north of Spain to the top of spaghetti, there arose a marvelous beast of chocolate. Insofar as the monkey was concerned, who pose no threat to the elephant population, present scant evidence indicates the existence of extremely large gerbils, with enormous scat, smelling the roses near the unbelievably exotic pommes frites. Our hero began to feel that, in Iberia, the pizzas were lacking enough whypslovens. Myrmidons, however, were in cahoots with double agents spying on the gerbils are coming, with all preposterous buffoons and fanfare. With the ornate yet green coloured domed arches splendidly adorned with Hohos. That reminded the giraffe to duck when entering the nebulous feeling of bas-reliefs under a velvet Elvis painting.

The giraffe deeply enough so big seductively licked my ear, to cause an infection. The red hickey on my ear elicited comments like: "What bit you? The reply, delivered emphatically, consisted of "burla blahh", because I was too tired to spit out the pineapple awkwardly obstacling my tongue. Everyone knows green apples served with maple dressing and custard. But few have heard of fried olives with chocolate topping and anchovies that cure the whitlow. Suddeny, aardvarks actually activated by solenoids and adenoids inflamed, swollen beyond reasonable doubt. For eternity, apricots have conspired to obfuscate and disinform the masses of curly lettuce in the midst of summer festivals honoring the mighty farmers who danced divinely in syncopation. Fireworks added a fascinating background to the celebration.

The screams of little squirels, hunted by a badger who just wanted to be their friend, made the masses scream for more. However, realizing this, the badger promptly left his elephant on the boil that he wore proudly on his left flank. One day, the elephant sat on the badger's bananana daiquiri making squishing sounds and splashing around shattering the silence with orgiastic sounds. Then the bartender fainted, the fencer feinted, and riposted like a rattlesnake while simultaneously juggling slimy snails with of intrepid myrmidons attired indiscreetly. "My goodness," said Elston, "I have no friends to rebuff such preposterous and yet strangely intriguing creatures." However, earlier Elston had a problem. The problem perplexed poor church mice too; it even befuddled rich dragons and modern Millie (thoughly).

Suddenly understanding his predicament, Elston phoned his lawyer, Snidely Sharkskin, who immediately took a wise descision to drink a large quantity of pangalactic gargle blasters, which when consumed, turned everything wildly hallucinogenic. Even mushrooms and aardvarks were nothing compared to phantom spectres ghoulishly green and purple, whirling dizzily through millenia of legal loopholes. In every tree there crowed Numidian Ravens, their noses, full of chocolate cream, and jellied eels. Bananas were involved in a particularly nasty case of monkey business! Elston leapt, as only elephants can, unfortunately, landing headlong on Charles Dickens, who demanded an apology. However, Elston didn't respond in the usual manner; but only snortled and blew a seal. Oh, one mustn't expect everyone that finds a new copyright-free work to squeal with delight. Some unfortunate people had stumbled into the secret cupboard which had been darkly camouflaged and well -made by hunderds of carpenter ants from Amish homesteads. Once they saw my pants, which were the most densely spattered and deeply stained garment that ever was seen, or so it seemed to seven inquisitive mice, who happened along at the opportune moment. Returning from his mountain climb, Elston's father, who was as kind as a little fluffy blood-sucking mosquito. The Jedi knight, whose father caught rare hamburgers in midair, swung his axe perilously close to Elston's left ear. His earring, encrusted with peppercorns, barnacles, cranberries and those tiny shrimp that are tasteless, except to the old shark who was looking rather ill, flew across Elston's family, displaying remarkable pictures of his favorite trip to Guatemala. Almost in time, a squirrel darted across the airport, landing heavily, her suitcase filled with clarinet reeds.

"Oh!" exclaimed my sister, pointing at the slimy yet strangely enticing fungus, she wanted sauted with wild onions, and slightly mouldy, green leafy vegetables. Alas! It took more than fine motor skills to catch the herring which was once alive but now a zombie scampering along, whistling "The Little Yellow Flute", which is commonly considered to enrage small birds. Despite several attempts by the police force, which was not known to have a large presence in Elston's neighborhood it was generally known amongst jugglers that gravity rarely reverses without serious hilarity for everybody concerned especially with no trousers. "I love this giant peach," Elston's friend Roald whispered quietly... But is it necessary to scream for ice cream and anchovies? Perhaps not, yet the chimpanzee hates bananas in others' beer. With great enthausiasm for urban renewal, Elston rented a rhinestone-studded nose-ring big enough for himself and two members of the neighbouring family of wild squirrels to live. "With luck, we'll eat a stray Distributed Proofreader unmindful of the chewy Proofreading Guidelines regarding naked spellchecking and volleyball. We being clueless, about the oldest profession continued our game of gerbil croquet. Squealing, he ran to the end of time where he stopped to plan his next proofraiding binge. As a member of Citizens Against Unlawful Markup Use, Elston went undercover, sneaking quietly towards the vulnerable underside of the Jabberwock as though he was about to tickle his toes. But no! His pink trunk with legs as long as mine on a 3" scale. was validated by comparing gobbledegook with data gathered from Zoroastrianism.

So, today something peculiar appeared in Elston's soup. Seven peanuts from Mars danced gaily across the field covered in purple, green and yellow tights and a black silk strapless dress. Scientists could begin to reach for their strangely attractive labcoats before they found that strange smell emanating from the nearby jar of Pooh's hunny with the smackral of nice, creamy chocolate frosting quietly smouldering without anyone noticing. Meanwhile, insanity was brewing in the castle, what with the incredibly short notice to redesign the privy. Two seats a grain, filled with daffodils and crocuses, provided curious counterpoint to my turreted bungalow. That was not the best way the most to decorate highly valued hovercraft that hovered like hummingbirds sucking rancid butter, but it looked surprisingly unlike a lemming. On his way he jumped like a baby tortoise over a of golden pollen that stuck to his crutches, which posed a conundrum most bewildering: How can a monkey dance so spontaneously with no gloves? He flung the boomerang behind him and grabbed the handy handbook provided. "Don't Panic", as it is all under control by toothless hordes of witches, who will never again bother to check their hats. The headwaiters and janitors jointly decided to stage an impromptu coup d'etat removing the only hindrance to their hat check.

Only if spiny anteaters could dance like Elston on fire! FIRE! FIRE! Bring buckets! and spades! in spades! fly again. When the minute hand of my fell off, grandfather's clock huge thunderstorms, together with very realistic and eager beavers armed with oversized slingshots, raced hungrily towards oversized sausages with large umbrellas attached. Meanwhile, in another haystack soggy little mice munched peanuts that were worth, well... peanuts. Charlie Brown didn't think Elston ought to wear lederhosen with high heels, even if Bertie Wooster bought them cheaply from eBay, where he'd sold his favorite pair of plus-fours which Rowan Atkinson suprisingly ate. Bean belched loudly and fragrantly, while attempting to proof tables in Latex.

Without success because yralih's girls woofed and bit in pantomime all the escaped inmates Oh no, Elston exclaimed with horror. "Where's my towel?" "Don't reply that!!" yelled the spiders. "It might go pear-shaped." Then, suddenly, from nowhere, a beautiful, blue butterfly with green sunglasses and pink flowery stockings, flew out of the insides of a pink spotted stuffed cheetah. Not surprisingly, everything we nullify everytime ends up writhing in blissful joy and enlightening the crickets. Once Elston found his red pyjamas trying to assimilate the wild turkeys into his sock drawer, he decided nothing was sacred anymore, and baked two dozen Chocolate Chunk filled sponges, simultaneously trying to stir marshmallows into his soup. Conversely, the ancient scrolls, reprinted post-1923, and JulietS were discovered heading for the flaming kitchen fires, slowly devouring every single banana in Elston's pantry JulietS cried, "Hurray! The proofers who lost their sight and dress sense have finally invested in ear trumpets!" Obviously, this was not what DP-Guidelines said. But the proofers had interpreted "Diacricital Marks" as only some guys writing scurrilously, "I'm Mark." Nevertheless, Mark soon realized every keystroke counted twice.

After seven swans swam, singing silently, sideways under starlight, they attentively started sewing superb stuffed shirts, with buttons sparkling sporadically and shimmering like billy-o. The missing mysteriously beautifull molybdenum magnets turned up curiously in the proofer's outbox, never causing any undue irritation to the overworked mentor who suggested that this was unusual. Without any warning, the cherry-picker clicked six-hundred-ninety-two keys on black friday and escaped. The angry army ants attacked the alarmingly agile coding squirel who donned domed hoods. While this unforeseen event posed certain logistical difficulties, smooth waters soon prevailed. A great, legendary proofreader without coat or broadband connection suggested, that they might enjoy an apertif before disrobing-- ...and so they did.

A sad DP volunteer was cheered up by dancing on the purple elephants back. "Yes! Oh, oh yes! OH YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!! and yet... I'm lost," he sighed. And promptly took his pink umbrella with the furry handle outside for a long walk in the rain. Meanwhile, the fifteen gerbils tried not to tread on crosses. Neither did the snakes deem it completely necessary to avoid the appearance of being a complete bunch of steamed asparagus.

So Elston, being pompous (a word he always enjoyed demonstrating), bought a round-trip ticket to Timbuktu aboard the dirigible, Akron. Sadly, it was time, not space, was Elston's tune for moments when the pigeons insisted on flying eastwards despite the new guidelines. Meanwhile, in a distant land where no frightening mice ever wander into alternate dimensions, Elston's second -cousin Eloise was listening secretly behind a vine-covered wrought-iron trellis, and overheard an eerie whispering voice, suggesting someone was watching the young squirrels that cavorted merrily near the quaking aspen overlooking the canyon that abruptly fell very far downward into the darkness. "Oh, dear!", she cried, "I simply don't understand how the space monkeys can write such imaginative instructions for connecting to dancing elephants on toe of frog!" Having calmed his Grandma by judiciously applying cold water on her delicate yet firm large aubergines, which despite Grandpa's repeated attempts to divest her of her fruits, he labored over the mental problems involving promoting eager newbies to unreservedly accept beanies with their feedback. "A Beanie!!", cried one eager newby ecstatic newbie.

"I always Grandma snarled, "hated gerbils, "too chewy", "don't you" "dare serve" gerbil stew to Aunt Sally!" Elston shivered in delight, for gerbil stew never appealed to anyone but gerbils. "Bring me my porridge to paste your hide!." Intead, Elston nibbled on some crunchy dried mackerel. This satisfied his initial cravings, but left him slurping all the pilsner until he remembered that better beer is often the best shaken, not nearly burst. was rudely and debased by non-sequiturs. Finally, the gurglings of many non-sequiturs burst forth from the magical fountain.

Thoroughly sick and fearing for his old life to undo the damage heaped upon the kitchen by exploding the oven right after the cake sagged, Elston ran to the slaughterhouse to die. But when Louise read the instructions she toppled the ungainly wooden statue, preventing it carrying his lumpy elephant to the beautiful garden overflowing with lumpy elephants. It is a marvel that these kind of proofers could rise above petty differences to unify themselves. Hooray! The triumph of overcoming all those space monkeys was just a surprizing twist in an already exciting story. "Alas," said the lion, smacking his large lips wistfully. "If those gazelles would only slow down, bring barbeque-sauce, and pepper while I prepare the barbecue pit for the guests who come for tea and tasty crumpets but never bring flowers, despite their mothers' reminders, I could almost taste my mother's afternoon tea and fishcakes!" Elston contemplated a party and invited the entire Distributed Proofreaders crowd to wear silly hats only! No spoons were needed when the DPers ate the Turkish Delight which tasted of flavored honey and almonds. Later, when the polkas were scheduled to finish, it transpired that the bandleader decided not to wear any lederhosen. The shocked celloist refused to go home.

The police were surprisingly happy to let the protesting environmentalists dance like delerious fireflies until several broke down and had whiplash injuries in pain like fire. they dash --they slither-- to shelter beneath any skirt that lay on warm heads. Just before anybody thought that things had gone awry, Constance quickly stepped behind the concrete pillar that stood in front of Prudence's boudoir mirror. Everyone wondered what next? Eighteen years of slow accumulating guilt finally forced out of him the following admission: "Yes, I am the one who ate your chocolate coated cherry. But our alligator was snapping so playfully at our goldfish that I had neglected to put back the smallest of covers from the fish tank this morning. thus Tuesday spelt doom upon entire generations of his family who were eating chocolate but who carelessly put the chocolate in the paper shredder.

"What a shame!" said Elston, (remember he is just this one helpful elephant) decided changes aren't always desirable, only inevitable. Poor Elston thought hard for days, eating tons of fresh plantains and marmite sandwiches, with side-orders of glazed ham and and yams. Then revelation presented itself to Elston like a sock in the face: he didn't belong in such an august group, instead he decided to join Y.E.F.P-C.!

(the Young Elephants in Favor of Peanut-Coladas, of course)

This mind-altering business gave a new perspective to the evolving process of baking chocolate with help from gnomes fresh out of school. Henceforth, Elston made sure that his wellingtons were always on and polished whenever he went dancing. Elston's dance instructor privately taught him always to hold the right hand in whypslovens. Even so, the monkeys gathered ominously talk over new strategies re elephants and whypslovens.

On the next occasion for dancing we rocked hard to Yanni and God knows what else. Then Elston stretched his trunk out and grabbed a passing albatross, which promptly threw the fish to the undercover policeman. I once thought that police officers would be my friends. However, when they started to tell the press about Elston's secret life and loves, it became too difficult for him so they're calling in for take-out of some ice cream! It's delivered by seagulls wearing purple tatted antimacassars on their family's favourite 1951 chevy with leather and new steel wheels instead of marshmallows. Sadly, without marshmallows, there was little hope of pudding. that nite as Elston Elston who? danced through the gnarled fence post pallisade, singing, "I'm an octupus you can't see, in an empty cave filled with a surprising sparkling light!" Naturally, this was not quite what the songwriter had originally considered, but she knew it wouldn't discombobulate the ever demanding singers of postmodern pop. During spring-break Elston continued his quest for peanuts to eat while pillaging the pirate ship, which was headed towards southern climes, redolent of fish and fishy smelling pirates.

Our hero quickly discovered hundreds of big, hairy elephants in frilly ballgowns hiding in the Captain's closet. It was certainly disastrous that the bumblebee sat on the captain's whypslovens causing a rain of pollen to fall cut roses in the Cap'n's Tea. Nevertheless, too much work and no appropriate reward for the worst work of art, makes Elston a dull maroon wombat. "But why?" he cried, when seeing the enormous pink flippers that the Traffic Warden insisted on jailing instantly in Timbuktu. Death was lurking sprightly amongst the maroon wombats which surfaced suddenly as teatime approached. The third act of shakespeare read very strangely by the light of the alabaster which came unwillingly through unexpectedly available portals of mysteriously swirling milk. Speeding along the information superhighway to the House of Mild Surprise, then the shivering Elston found his groove again.

Finally, Elston exuberantly snorted up the scattered pollen he'd ingested. Now that led to an unexpected postnasal drip with a ghastly yellow sulpher smelling emission and left the pitiful pachyderm slumbering peacefully. If only Vermicious Knids knew how to do the hornpipe. Elston brandished his sabre most valiantly but alas his trunk rather obscured his footwork, when he lunged towards the pirate. "You dastardly, fiendish, piratical elephant!" he then went further to accuse Elston of breaking into showbiz which elicited this response: "All I wanna do sing for my supper, and dance." "Perfect," said the ringmaster enthusiastically. "You are just the least likely person on my dance card to interest an emu." A crow was murdered while cawing some instructions to Marvin in Japanese. But haiku resists interpretation especially under the influence of pudding, unless it is especially well written.

Well-written pudding, however, is the most delightful surprise on earth. Off earth, well-written pudding tends to be a sticky subject leading to unrestrained consumption of hot green tea. Mr Tea wondered what could possibly happen next with greentea when, inconveniently, he was possessed by a yowling winged cat purring wildly like a fox. Elston hoped desperately that he would find the legendary Father Merrin when he searched through his great-aunt Jolene's estate expecting not to find any peanuts. Mr Tea then noticed that greentea seemed more refreshing than she had intended. This led to a most surprising discovery: chocolate is the most widely used after hot orange marmalade on toasted raisin bread but marmite tastes better than axle-grease. Scientists everywhere report that opened the red cardoor revealing a lonely little gerbil with a pointed silly hat.

"You must never ask for a kiss, unless you intend to return to the bargaining table with another bottle of india ink." Thus saith Wellington Bunn. This Halloween Wellington went to an undisclosed location to buy treats for all proofreaders who wore big green wet suits under their pirate regalia. It seems slightly insane for Elston, because usually frog tea is served chilled with mint and lots of sugar. Dollars to donuts, to show Elston how it happened to come about that horse diseases captivated us. On the flipside, Elston's dancing classes, taught by Polka Champion Squinty Kahestellenbelcher, Kentucky Derby winner Giacomo, and Georgie, the Curious, got cancelled.

This was his lawyer's Bad Idea. Big Bill A.K.A. "Wild (censored)" was aghast, and quickly froze some fresh lederhosen for his newest invention, "Slacks for Snowmen." This annoyed Elston, so he bit evil satu's newly purchased squeeky toy in half, thereby causing the release of the doomsday device (Muahaha, &c.) thereby finally emitting some magnetic monopoles that destroyed only hamsters that yawn when they sing. Elston felt dreadfully embarrassed by the appearance of large crimson growths on his unusually large sandwich of marmite, bananas, and chocolate. The next time the postman slipped three pounds of candied fruit into his pocket, Elston thanked the Academy that had never let any mice without shoes running havoc in the pants. More sweet candy was prescribed in high atmospheres. Flowers growing above the grass showed their alluring beauty when they opened, revealing ancient mysteries of dark unknown origin. Elston, noticing one flower that glowed with immense beauty lured brilliantly iridescent flowers that flowers that appeared twice every night last week. On Tuesday, our cow decided that dairy products were not suitable for young humans. Old proofers set standards for dairy farmers, by arguing strongly that "while dairy farming may be fun, it is still a pain in the neck, or so people not accustomed 5am milkings would say." It is hard to milk a bull, as poor Elston discovered when he tried. Tomorrow he will consider the giraffe -looking beast with wings, although he fears that the wombat will not help him find his new thing deep under the piles of immensely fluffy kookaburras.

Tomorrow Elston will be tickled pink when he forgets to tie his tie with yellow ribbon around his old oak dining table. Elston's tie would have frightened any right minded person, because of the blood stains on its end, which were real. and the evidence reveals he was not the only one wearing whypslovens, a rucksack, pink shorts, and bell-bottoms with lacy underwear showing with exceptional scurrility. His infantile behavior concerning candies caused a diabetic reaction when he scoffed 18-lbs. of caramel. The next day he was discharged out of a cannon.

As elephants don't fly extremely well, Elston had only moments of clarity before he fell heavily in love with the flying saucer that he saw last hovering under his umbrella. The beach was down-town, east of the memorial statue representing cheese and crackers. This statue attracted the very same tame pigeons that Gertrude kept in her open Weber barbeque, which caused quite a kerfuffle in Donald Trump's Christmas stocking: redolent with the scent of freshly leftover from yesterday's lunch. Roses are not recommended for youngsters in their pajamas, because they might use them to fend off the thorny problems of matrimonial timetables, while repeatedly ironing the petals that fall daintily upon lower left being full, corners of Twister mats. "Ohhh, lovely idea, but where are the chocolate sprinkled little cookies? "Under the bed, safely packed in marmite.

Elston screamed "No, not there! They'll mutate into marshmallow zombies!!" The moon marshmallow-like and menorah shaped, caused Elston to ponder the deep meaning of asparagus, and a brilliant soufflé of anchovies and black olives. Ironically, this was exactly what Elston had been craving since Elstina ran with the bulls in Pamplona and beat them roundly while local elves frustratedly examined the interociter. It was hard to but nonetheless the elves persevered in spreading jelly everywhere except on Santa's nose, which had grown to a(n) most unexpected texture resembling coarse sandpaper. "Ho ho No!" he ululated, rubbing, frantically wishing a genie would help him to extricate his red jeans. This done(,) Elston's wish to become the only male elephant to ever grace the cover of Popular Mechanics.

His trip to the farthest reaches of the Indexian Continent left him dancing with the banana, and cheer for DP!!!! Horray! A new method for filleting badly formatted elephant dances which led to increased productivity in certain quarters. Meanwhile, in other news, wild squirrels buried walnuts along the left side of our driveway. When the King rashly called Bartholemew Cuthbert an elephant, Elston wailed "But I'm. "Oh No!" Stumbling over his words because he was, in fact, slightly tipsier than forseen after New Year's peanutcoladas. Fortunately, management had not distributed extra rum along with the noisemakers, so it became clear that the exciting events about to overwhelm the indicted general were not quite enough to demonstrate his obvious saltatorial inability. Meanwhile, Elston daydreamed of a lady elephant who could drink a hectolitre of dandelion juice. Sadly a hectolitre is too difficult to measure. So Elston turned to more enchanting pursuits (because shaving his earlobes without any peanut butter was difficult) such as proofing a novel written in Fraktur which goes Frick Frack for pleasure. Elston next forayed into snowwy forrests filled with lemon peel, lemon merengue and eggshells left by gigantic bluish tortoises which frightened Elston into running behind the nearest yurt and applying hot compresses upside his left ear.

But then Elston's mother reached out her trunk packed full of delicious crunchy ferrets in plum sauce and cream cheese. Advanced diplomacy suggested that pineapples would go nicely inside her grandmother's petit-fours instead of those ferrets, whose shiny viking hats got in the way of the mailman. In Elston's refrigerator beneath a hibernating frog, a lonely lumberjack wished he had remembered to wear suspenders, rather than the old-fashioned garter belt his mother knitted, which chaffed his freshly waxed knoddlehopper. Having never learned precisely what his favorite word meant, Elston bravely pretended to polish his whypslovens while searching for his secret stash of dictionaries and bubble-up which is hidden under mom's left arm, wrapped in celophan. During the night the fairies brought brand-new overly-hyphenated lug-nuts (which are hidden in socks belonging to gnomes) who wear socks, surprisingly ferret sized which itched of double-posting. Having lost sight of the left-hand and the beloved other left wife, Elston wondered leftily deftly where this story goes. Now that three mongooses were mongoosing quietly along when the mayor's daughter was goosed, the mayor then admonished the mongooses' parents, "You filthy (censored) "Oh! Pardon me," interrupted Marjorie, the lonely lumberjack. "The mongoose were thrilled to find that their shrubbery had spontaneously combusted. "Goodness gracious said the gardener, "I've lost my marbles. Where can they be. Now I'm sure I didn't squirrel them away, as I usually try to because walnuts are notoriously difficult to crack after the dentist polishes them.

Polishes what? Polishes when? Immediately after having found polishing wax up the lonely lumberjack's kangaroo pouch, Elston put his pet Felicity) into the bathtub together with a rubber duckie, of which Elston was very fond. Giving a ladybug a flower is weird. It doesn't signify the most precious allegorical masterminded book, but it does bake tasty chocolate cakes. In retrospect, Elston wished that bathtubs came with rubber duckies, that talk! Then he borrowed my talking duckies which went sponges, urchins and all, down the drain. Crying, throwing his teeth down, and bellowing "I can't go on dancing all year!" he wailed as loudly as frying eggs on a hot engine. An enticing idea came uregently, pressing him back to happier days. Fortunately, he could quote "Python" in French; this led almost inevitably to the adoption of new ways, opposed by Elston's distant relative, Fred Flintstone, who yelled: "Pebbles", and Bam-Bam ran looking for Dino. Dino and Brad Pitt, potential co-stars in a musical called Dancing Pachyderms, shuffled off, waving their canes and cavorting like elephants. Meanwhile, back at the ranch twenty-seven flamingos were dancing, costumed as pirates and lonely lumberjacks showing off their enormous distlefinks and while chopping broccoli. Once the end is near, things begin to become abundantly clear... that elephants can forget whatever they choose, and their choice: the hokey-pokey.

"The hokey-pokey is the next craze on board at the University of Distributed Progress. Lately, my hokey-pokey skills have grown rusty. Fortunately lessons are available at Yurts-R-Us, where champion yodelers yodel daily, scaring the mice and elating the older men. The mauve some part oopsadoodle, singing Norwegian Wood accompanied by an accordion bemused the inhabitants of the enchanted garden of the octopuses. Noices, in of the swimming pool, attracted Elston's attention. He hurriedly gathered rosebuds while Dancing Banana relaxed nearby. [Also relaxing his guard, the penguin stealthily crept slowly, backwards colliding clumsily with Elston's backup dancers.

Elston looks surprised, but not totally amazed.] The crux of this story depends on the willingness to suspend your imagination from the everyday world. Almost magically, be transformed by the unexpected flavor of chocolate-covered chocolate bars with fudge and chocolate sprinkles. It all began to taste rather like chocolate, much more so than real sweeter though. Underneath the label it said clearly BEWARE IF you open the wrong end first! Doing so will cause great trepidation and trembling of limbs. Eslton enjoyed this trembling; it reminded him of cherry Jell-O causing his dancing feet to wiggle as they jiggled and jostled through frantic tourists who tried to move past them unpolitely. Canadian officials stated that Quebec was again no longer interested in dancing elephants, banning smoking while tangoing to the mini-bar. shaking every hand extended toward him despite knowing no one. The penguin thought "Aha!", and intoned "Carpe diem!" and kissed the bride and tossed the horseradish over his left shoulder. It landed between two well known mimes who immediately fell into despair.

Gesturing urgently, the priest ushered the trembling congregation under the altar-cloth, hoping the mimes despair had caused no invisible obstacles to exude clues to their vampiric toward all mortal beings. Now, immortal doing immoral filching of parakeets that protested loudly the taxation of their birdseed supply and surcharges! Jimmy Cagney rises up once again from the ashes of yesterday's barbecue to pursue the rampant brisket, sauce, grilled corn-on-the-cob, while dancing off the port bow. The gerbils, tasty little found a discontinuity in the sentence. Who proofed that one? Elston didn't! It was evil Gluefoot! Aha! cried Elston wisely. "I knew it was not one of my closest friends!" Hercule Poirot started investigating the disappearance of the nefarious Gluefoot the banana-dancer. Pink Panther, his dance instructor, and partner in bridge, was trumped by Donald Trump ironically, when he played his trombone.

But tinnitus distracted him from recollecting his wife. The shoppingmall musak supervisor worked over-time to find Yanni playing cards with Kenny G, Ricky Nelson, and Prince. They were in the alley behind the bowling green watching rats eat leftovers from yesterday's grand slam at the Denny's across the alley. BANG! Back on track! now just when least expected: the Spanish (Unexpected) Inquisition marched happily in, wearing boas and pythons around their ugly necks. Yelling, "Gulty! Guilty, away with them!" So away they went across the golden desert searching for the oasis with the date palms that sway and wobble rythmically with occasional little tilts and ripples. There quite unbelievably stood Elvis accompanied by the entire Mormon Tabernacle Accordion Band. Softly humming "Raspberry Beret," and wiggling his bank, Elston tried to appear unconcern while the little imaginative trolls living under the bridge and playing bacci balls with iridescent flowers, showed off their immaculate preceptions of rhythmic gymnastics. Fortunately, Elston left just in time to see his bungee-jumping grandmother rebound and sway perilously as she dangled over jagged cliffs shouting loud: LONG LIVE EASY CHEESE! The cheese was affronted by grandmother's allusion, but didn't make any attempt to explain how it heared those preposterous words!!?!! Tomorrow Elston eats cheese with peas and honey baked in termite mounds. For dessert, as usual, strawberry jello found in big buckets with lots of special secret codes disgustingly juvenile in character, and causing no end of giggling to the jiggling of the dessert.

Much later, deep in the swamps of Arizona, an onyx chess-set miraculously floated above the murky mists that were formerly part of the lost Empire of Martha Stewart the Magnificent. The pieces of eight that the evil pirates stole from Elston were discovered underneath Gluefoot's secret peeling chamber among the piles of shattered remnants remaining after the collapse of his Jellybean Dynasty. It is a little-known fact that canaries and little green beetles can joyfully knit an entire blanket in over two decades without consternation. Suddenly Elston sat up, aghast at the big, green blob advancing towards him through the tulgey wood, whiffling as it oozed over his Grandmother's credenza! It screamed like a frightened child who's just realized how large the Easter Bunny's teeth are. Next, the Blob ate chocolate eggs and whipped butter with cinamon-raisin bagels. Elston then knew that antacids alone wouldn't be enough to make the birds in the garden burst into tears, unless placated with blob eggs. Scrambled eggs on cinnamon-raisin toast with butterscotch pudding and green cheese on a bagel made from god knows what appeared inedible. Softly the Blob hummed "Tiptoe softly, my sweet aspen, goto sleep." Edsger Dijkstra, the famous ballerina of little skill, told his tragic tale, tears teeming, nose running and hankie falling down from his rhinestone tiara, while executing a difficult demi-pliés in the bathtub.

Elston sobs were heard by the rhinestone diggers standing just outside the rotunda in the snowy chateau de Tar Pit. More romantically situated than the Swamps of Desperation, the Plains of Pity, and the Not Very Tall Mountains of hope, it had definitely acquired a sense of the surreal, and looked intreguing. LOOK! The dancing elephant shrieked with joyful anticipation as he waltzed around with his svelte partner, Frederika, who haughtily raised her trunk and removed her fake tusks. WHAT? Fake? No! But how could she remove them if they weren't falsies? Titillating, indeed, but the evidence proves beyond doubt that smoke -colored glass is highly susceptible to thermal fracture at equatorial temperatures. So, with a hop, skip, you may just as well try saltatorial exercises before bedtime as well. Returning to Elston and his mostly outdated antics, we find dancing mice in the cheese pantry doing the can-can. Elston's grandmother, Elvira, loves mice and cheese especially on toast for toast with vegemite! Sadly, vegemite supplies no good cholesterol, although we love the taste on omelettes. Everything always tastes better in springtime, despite vegemite's natural tendancy to degrade in the compost pile when adjacent to the worms of Aristophanes. When frogs appear one should cautiously embrace one's irreplaceable metaphors, but watch for low flying kingfishers. They are fishing for kings, although my instinct says they really aren't going to give anyone a fluffy boa soon. Afterwards, when the batteries had spontaneously combusted, the airplane stalled. Gliding like a surreptitiously advancing armada of Spanish fly, Elston ducked but it hit his upper left tusk and crashes loudly. Elston yelped in pain, and danced a frantic tango of the bewildered lumberjack. Sighing, he began to pick his trunk lock and hoped that he jumped before another into it plot twist arose to confuse the poor elephant.

Socrates' ghost came around for tea,, however, confusing teacups for finger bowls, he started a philosophical debate about Charles Darnay's oral hygiene. The end of their debate brought feelings of sadness because the hemlock smoothie had run out. Where did the floating pink cloud alight? Rarely had Elston seen such fine specimens, surely not since last summer, when the moon was waxing the floor with marmalade cats wearing pirate hats. The cats were enjoying some sun and napping blissfully, until the world inexplicably shifted further toward an ice-age. "Burrrrrrrr", said Elston, "I never thought my whypslovens would stop sneezing! What a relief!" Meandering over his problems and quietly studying the dust specks that covered his large overstuffed sofa, Eston tried the vacuum cleaner first.

It exploded, as happens, when everything is cosmically FUBAR. Elston, dust-covered and grumpy, resolved to smite the mites with spite. They didn't yet bite, kick, or fight, though they might demand rights and alight in sight at night on white bread quite all right. Confused, Elston waltzed across Texas with his mother. The striped armadillos that masqueraded as Russian military had secretly planted five Planter's Peanuts in the parsnip patch without bothering to inform their mothers. Their mothers, thus uninformed, cheerfully cooked creamed carrots and parsnips (creamed carsnips??), with peanuts on toast.

Every Thursday, music swells from the mandolin orchestra and all the frogs say "Aristophanes"! Following that blatent lie we call our optimum chocolate consumption levels without a qualm we eat oranges, pears, plums, cherries, and chocolate. Chocolate always makes people want more than they can kill, especially wild plants. Tomorrow, Elston resolved, to start running more than six miles a-day weighed down with chocolate so heavy that it caused him to over-balance squashing chocolate cream-puffs and generally causing mayhem, destruction and unhappiness. Soon, however, joyful giggling erupted throughout the yurt, as people wiggled into silken fabric, mounds of cleverly disguised as chocolate Silk worms. The now chocolate covered giggling Elston had to scarper, avoiding Chocoholic pirates!

The pirates made a slight error and threw the distelfink out of a porthole. Hell hath no fury such as a pirate with their distelfink gone! Where was the elusive pirate, he or she was called to attention pending the investigation into Chocoholics Anonymous and its financial schemes to bankrupt our nutritional values. Fortunately, the plot failed, but Distelfink swim! or swam, right over the place, ducking around the dam flying over the Humvee-- alien saucers, lonely lumberjacks, and into the treetops, mashing dadly beyond Mansion Hill Flats.

The monkey faced Martian and throws an egg laid by Bethlehem Steel (ouch!!--steel eggs!!). The egg flys over every head present, presently heading toward the head of downtown headquarters for eggs. Unusually long-lived, egghead agents with long memories and short pants. "GO!!!! Eggplants!!!!" was their clarion call to go into battle with parmesan cheese on toast, with asparagus spears, and carrot-cake.

Being pacifists, club sandwiches rarely bite culinary experts! However, Batdog flew over the Ballcat, exclaiming "What kind of story is this without mind-altering drugs? DP heaven! So, Gluefoot went forth with his evil buddies into 'Batland', carousing like drunken pirates on grog, brandishing cutlasses and Pontiacs supercharged with fermented bat-droppings, which didn't half pong! Wandering aimlessly, elephants, turtles, and all that jazz were lost on the windswept plains until Elston rescued them, having recovered on waking to discover his trunk has turned grey. What a shock! Pondering the possible ramifications of metamorphosis, a mouse built a better cat-trap to great applause. The whole point is to be 'top-dog' of catland. Quietly offering kazoo music, Elston slipped the instrument under his left ear, leaving space for his sheet music beside his trombone. Music is one his favorite pleasures, others being chess, and cards. Poker-playing elephants hide emotions, because they invariably have good hands, large fortunes, and excellent chess skills. Yosemite Sam, Elston's formidable compadre and poker rival in spades, started a reality show assessing proofing ability during guideline updates, first prize being a shiny-new robot that proof-reads. Elston's audition for Shakespeare's King Lear didn't go to Broadway, later ones were successful. DON'T LOOK at the twinkling stars when hit by lightning because the flashes could make you jump all around, but Elston's girlfriend knew how deceptive those could be.

She would have liked faster action -man dolls, elephant shaped like herself. Posing, Elston saw the photographer's little ploy to make him a fashion-model with huge temper tantrums, putting pressure his girlfriend's Elsa's situation. The twelve little elephants with red tassles on their tails danced like drunken lumberjacks along the sidewalk, twirling in dizzying procession, oblivious to the sober men who followed menacingly behind, them. One by one, they raised their trunks and trumpeted sober-men fell into drunken war-stories, glad of the new sound trumpeting through the din. "I've got the whole enchilada," declared the old toreador, "despite everything you've suspected! I'll never go near a bullfight again!" Flinging his cape over his shoulder belligerently he stalked off into the deepest tundra. Large snow-bunnies frolicked merrily along the sidewalks, and found they could bounce snowballs without breaking them. Summertime was no fun except for all the terpsichorean interludes, singing sleestaks, dictionary salesmen, etc. However, steadfastly ignoring safety issues Elston chose to dance on the merry-go-round at Potomac Park Round and round he went; nausea compelled him to stop maniacally beside the puce car. He rested for 5 minutes and began yet another dance on roller skates this time following his trail map of breadcrumbs mendicant friars; some nasty set traps for butterflies and elephants outside the Pope's balcony. A trap, sumptuously embellished with real peanuts and elephant icons carved from chocolate and ivory-coloured meringue, served on buttered toast points. Because Harvey wanted to see if pink-elephants camouflage themselves using local vegetation, he looked under the willow for his pair of handcuffs, disturbing two fieldmice which scolded him loudly. Startled, Elston retreated behind the begonias draped along the fence.

Peering furtively over the fence at the shocked papal delegation's private swimming-pool lifeguard, scantily clad in a tiny yellow polka-dot chasuble, trimmed with ermine (unquestionably synthetic) and lace booties. Embarassed, Elston sprang off the diving board, drenching all of the in extreme cold beer over ProjectManagers squealing delightedly as they pruned begonias with chopsticks and pitchforks. Pink-Elephants shouldn't take umbrage when their umbrellas fail to open underwater, except situations where marauding koalas grenades. Fortunately, Elston likes marzipan, which provides opportunities when they open a savings account at Harbor-Bank of Antarctica. Marzipan goes around and around like rumours about tiny babies heads when big people squash them. Another marzipan delight, bulging from pockets stuffed with extruded brains and tomatoes mixed with, showed his flexibility with juggling clubs and flaming cheap seats, although culinarily inept. "Drat," said Glue-Foot, "my evil squirrel has tresspassed the boundaries of common decency and shaken the very foundation of our society. "No matter," yelled Glue-foot excitedly, "I have yet created a double for myself, and half for some marzipan.

"Nobody could have imagined what I would surely do for some marzipan! It was a cigar hanging limply and remotely, in her office, but fortunately it didn't smell." My kite was tangled in seaweed, which hung low and high from the branches of coral on the surreal hillside. Seventeen imaginary green unicorns untangled their squirrel-like paws from my long blond tresses, leaving me free to tat and tale of misdemeanors with tablecloths. A jonquil-colored telegram, crocheted with tiny chocolate marzipan oozing with delectable yet calorie-riddled sentiments and carefully delivered by a distelfink. arrived today along with two boxes of books badly chosen for their pristine spines and colorful misinterpretations resulted at the in amusing but profoundly scholastic ways of discoursing on the disturbing habits marzipan squirrels display under stress. With both feet firmly planted in marzipan, altough most Meanwhile back assuredly not going barefoot, Elston tried to juggle jiggling jello and wobbling Weebles, but failed misserably. Fumbling with Jello can be messy and slightly addictive, but a cheap high. Jell-O-holics running bewildered after tasting bitter sweet chocolate shavings and marzipan, tried to get in the factory furtively, making wrong turns left and ended up sprawled beneath a shadow.

Looking up, high up, into the soaring hammerbeam I discovered below me is unseen. old ranch dressing factory, Elston's suit of worsted magenta-colored wool loosely but elegantly draped his body making him less portly-looking and more delicate, like flowers in early spring, tra la and tally ho! The suit was perfectly matching to his polka-dotted socks and girlfriend's fashionably skimpy howdah. Together they marched merrily, munching marzipan in caramel toffee. By chance, a delicious red rosebud attracted a lost bumblebee whose sense of fashion was acquired in prison fashion school years ahead of schedule. The bee stung Elston on his girlfriend's orders ill-mannered and angry from having marzipan -covered shoes stepping on her new rose bushes. Meanwhile, underneath the ol'-oak tree, squirrels munched acorns, apricots and maple seeds which helps pachyderms exfoliate, which isn't commonly known.

Henry screamed and Elston fainted, causing mass hysteria amongst the nearby cheerleaders which is not surprising, considering how panic usually begins and spreads throughout the population within a region like Epsom salts dissolves in an instant and produces delicious tasting, crispy toast and marmalade. Making Grilled-Cheese and marmalade crepes is difficult, unless it is Christmas, when the elves make them with jewelled George-Forman grills powered by marmalade and Hyundai. The confused elves didn't expect a direct hit to American automotive aesthetics after winning the award for puff pastry. Profiteroles notwithstanding, Elston decided to go home in a Bentley. A rare red wolf spied a trio of spotted owls marinating in clarified marzipan. The owls also were complaining bitterly to the squirrels, who offered to their fake household gods a peanut. Why are marinated peanuts the preferred suicide implement for marzipan junkies? Because they provide an apocalyptic legumic vision for vegemite and worms and shortlived poets. Historically such marzipan being yellow, is mistaken for a spread made by drunk lumberjacks who swam without waiting twenty minutes after midnight. Coffee might induce paranoia in French towns separated from Paris by night. Surely a chupacabra wouldn't be amiss, thought Marmaduke's caretaker while being assaulted by several bears slipped dangerously between nondescript and highly bordered fences.

Thankfully, the fluffy paw of a friendly wombat hindered by two sticks tried to interpose itself between decaying lime Jello and greenish remnants of yesterday's salad. Tomorrow the sun will probably publish a retraction, ruefully recanting its trip while insinuating it wasn't functionally illiterate, that it needed to front-line. Eggplant rarely hatches in bright April moonlight without a gorilla sitting nor waving a portrait of King Henry VIII conducting lxxvi dismembered members heads off permanently. Obviously this caused much consternation for the boys in the hood, trombones primed seventy-six boys, ten girls, three goats and a Heffalump, searching for edible truffles, got annoyed while spelunking. However, truffle snuffling and whuffling can lead ineffably to a ripe truffle, even without a farnarkling rulebook or dictionary. Heffalumps usually finds the summer too hot and muggy for tiptoeing through undergrowth of bright orange daylilies and lima beans. Elston decided he shouldn't fret nor think that was just cause or act according to legend when he thrashed the pumpkin police ball by spitting sharp nails into their jello-filled but smelly dishes. Then, quite suddenly, inappropriately attired dancing elephants wearing corduroy miniskirts and tassled gumboots, sequinned surcingles, copper bangles which never jingle jangled at all. Tusks ostentatiously decorated by tiny marsupials, wilting lettuce, and adorable little multi-colored nematodes, that curled cutely around his waistband which had a cute buckle.

After loosening his muscles by rubbing the right tusk on several convenient fire hydrants, Elston began a hula. Conveniently, fish already know how to negotiate sharp corners, and schools. Next day is Friday and Elston will have a wee-little beer because it satisfies deep down in his rumbling tummy the niggling sensation makes him seek the path to Oblivia where rumbling tummies made happy. Happy maybe, but how much happier without those marzipan pills they'd be! WHAT!?! It could only mean one had to do the hokey-pokey and, turn around, carefully avoiding getting dizzy and falling-down. Outside, spiritual tree-hugging activities led by Guru Swami and hundreds of cobras all cuddly and playful, caused a trance-like state among squirrels who watched with cameras. Eating ice-cream with hazelnuts caused the squirrels to search for hot cups and marzipan.

Then they comforted orphan ostriches, ominously like leeches they spell and hex wrenches. "Stop wrenching my hazelnuts!" shrieked Alice Cooper, wondering whether chewing cobras would benefit his career. MMMMMmmmm, fresh mouse mousse, phyllo filled ferrets, and rodent roulade dressed with caribou coulis. Done eating, Elston sought to contact the mothership carefully concealing his plan to abduct Gluefoot and Alice Cooper without his knowledge. Meanwhile, fake marzipan Gluefoot look-alikes are invading heated soft salty pretzels. "Dunk 'em, fair dinkum, delay not!" cried Captain Kangaroo, "Cover-em and stash 'em, but don't forget to chill the champagne!" "Behold, Captain," breathed Elston heavily, "we should have Chocolate Delight when the squirrels finish the ironing." Do squirrels care if ironing boards make excellent housewives, while dancing with chipmunks? Probably their preoccupation creates chaotic patterns of little kittens, leaving their grandmothers puzzled by hairballs. Dancing bananas, inspired by tasteless, yet mesmeric, artwork, gyrated wildly, giggled wickedly, and grinned ominously. "Zounds!" swore the under-represented plantains "Take cover, they are yellow and yet strangely fragrant. But beware! All that glitters can deceive restless souls with shine.

I have fixed some appliances with duct-tape to increase the likelihood of constructive or proper repair. Elston, unable to fly over the Alps decides to inspect his belly-button. Without lint his magic ballet slippers melted away like pavlova and her scruffy dogs. Elston's aunt got in trouble when the tangelo she threw hit a rock and out sprang five tiny little reindeer. Pavlova sugar-highs interfere with one's mental state, but they shouldn't detract from the very delicate balance maintained between cannibalism and devout Vegetarian.

Or they deliberately aim chocolate soufflés at the heads of blissfully unaware cabbages. Afterwards, cutting up the veggies blisful thoughts with a(n) thoughtful knife. Use the serrated edge to achieve from scratch a delectable assortment of lovely, petite proofers who can proof while patting down suspects Only CReating chocolate marzipan surounded by DP adicts who like to fantasize about perfect pages. Everyone loves me even though I have not been chosen as chief marzipan-taster or undersecretary of chocolate for squirrel affairs. In real life nobody cares if they have affairs with chocolate or marzipan confections, which leave traces chocolate marzipan. of nuts just like the baklava that we love to hate. Without knowing why, Elston's mother went to the nearest fire exit where smoke wafted delicately up the by the filigree canopy. Suddenly, she raised her right hind leg, as smoke irritated the smaller inhabitants of blistering, hot toasted marshmellow shaped planets that flew merrily around her son like hummingbirds. Starting down the garden fertilizer aisle in search of something to help eliminate chronic backaches, Elston danced dispiritedly on shovels, between rows of tents where the elves and antelopes play cricket. The eleven elephants watching from flag poles also danced, periodically falling on trampolines, their trunks flailing like pink flamingoes on amphetamines. Morning, Mr.

Elston snorted a cricketer wearing baggy underwear over his bat. Elston responded in kind and offered peanut-butter toast to the assembled multitude, distributing crumbs to assorted impersonators of DP Squirrels. The umpire who happened to enjoy eating at county fairs dressed in his tent, parachute pants, and tartan. Big feathers fluttered gracefully around the home of the Byrds, while wild goose bumps in bright speckled the elephants' skin, already decorated bold stripes to ensure effective camouflage as a fat inmate. Elston was always eating.

"Marzipan, an' fluffernutter sandwiches in his lunchbox," said Gluefoot disparagingly while wiping glue all over Elston's pet mice thus preventing them from making cheese scones and chocolate marzipan. However this also kept them busy helping Gluefoot detach himself psychologically from all material not glued down. This gave Rosalind time to watch passing bananas hop, laughing, into the streetcar. "Desire calls those that remember the Alamo and marzipan bananas. Desire also twists." Pretzels are desireable, especially when very salty." After contemplating nutrition requirements, Elston's mother started to take notes and coins from the tip jar, hoping that Elston wouldn't see her. guilty look and inform the Infomagicians. She didn't.

Elston wondered where the coins went? Who could tell me. Go ASK Jeeves! He'll know. We all should donate our fishing rods, hip waders, and sunglasses while there's still time, to the Pachyderm Emancipation League. Twenty eighty-one, North South-West Boulevard was awash with Ninja gerbils fiercely battling Jedi hamsters in the foyer, while the sidewalk was brutally besieged by huge turtles of uncertain powers. CRASH, down fell Elston smashing the chocolate truffles into pulp. A Jedi hamster without force scraped up the remains of poor mendicant penguins from outerspace. The hamster resuscitated eight tiny reindeer whose deflated and crushed weather balloons don't fly because they leak terribly. Elston felt disappointed that nobody would bring his bat to school for flying lessons, but nocturnal schools refused responsibility for airborne insectivores playing cricket. Disgruntled, Elston stomped away toward Elsie to ask how many angels could dance on a piñata without getting hit by a pathological pin. Meanwhile, back at Casa Plátano, Gluefoot's family boot scootin to the strains of Disco Duck. "Yikes, foul er, fowl play, quacked Elston's deprived and paltry cheerleading squad went to the prom wearing only Toto's tutu.

The prom and Toto were quite diverting, but cricket was better than betting on Toto's shoes. "Please tell me where the bananas buy pyjamas, bunny slippers and bunny ears," the clue being Gluefoot's fascination with the bottom of Bunny Bonny, because bouncy Butcher Bob bobbled baseballs balefully beneath blustering blizzards bugging Bullfinch's best buddy besides Boris and his cantankerous conspirator, Curmudgeonly Camilla who likes marzipan bananas.

Dasterdly Donny despised dumplings dipped directly down dangerously into his ever evolving eggplant eggnog. Culinary evolution, an obvious recipe for fearsome flatulence, flaming furiously from foolish fiendish felons from Florida. "Good grieve, gooey geysers going gloppishly glug-glug, glug-glug generating gruesome gases!" gushed Gluefoot, gagging guts grossly. Happily, his hunchback had hairy hips horrifically hanging haplessly horizontally helping hold hyperactive hippopotami hopping hooves harmlessly hovering here. Hallelujah! If it is impossibly icy in igloos' interiors, I'd ignite insatiable interest in innovative introductory indexing, without worrying about alphabetical elegancies because overrated alliteration annoys absolutely everyone that is forced to follow another person's pointless paradigms.

Nevertheless, nothing quintessentially quaint did disturb my mother's alphabetic absence. Bruised by constant changes deluding diligent garden gnomes, excited elephants and antelopes, black & blue from fighting gnarled gnus, not knowing how hazardous living life can be. Usually understanding when it came to personal difficulties, Elston went home screaming. Then he lay down determined to change his clothes when Fluffy pirates came running in the the)ir tutus and danced with hippos: a parody of Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugared-Rum Fluffy Pirates. The applause elephant pirates produced was reminiscent of Tchaikovsky's other piratical masterpiece, aaarrrrr the-pirate-and-the-wench in Shanghai rhyming slang and cooking Arrrrange Chicken in a horse-drawn carriage, laughing with piratical glee.

The ocean seethed with furious barnacles raking over the sailboats and desperately clinging on Elston trumpeted, "Heeeeeelp!" In Arabic, which caused great confusion amongst flee pirates. However, Elston was patient with Janet when she slept late on weekends. He only knew one thing about sleeping patterns and it involved narcolepsy. "Never mind me," said Elston. "I'll stay awake to do my experiments." "Be very cautious," warned her dreams that night, a pirate arrived, swashbuckling, but quietly so not everyone can hear the rum bottles yo ho ho! The yardarm was ripped from the yardarm? Scurvy dogs ran around barefeet and bled from their gums at gunpoint. Holding steady and crying, "they didn't make them like the old masters still life goes on", wept Elston, while reading the newspaper. Suddenly, he stopped sobbing and jumped into his puce Corvette heading towards the sea.

After a downhill dragrace nearly killing eight gnomes living beneath eight homes, with their eight spouces, and sixty-four beatle-maniacs, despite the warnings not handcuffed nor appropriately attired they continued until their germination process was over. So, without further ado, Elston dances lightly along while whistling Merry Christmas, war is unpleasant, and traffic is worse. A rapid inspection reveals a gaping crater in Gluefoot's driveway, which made the next decision nearly impossible but Elston nevertheless opted to visit his grandmother. Appearing awkwardly noticing that grandmother looked upset about his appearance, Elston took twenty dollars without asking and spent it on a silk handkerchief. It was most decorative on his tusk, and showed family spirit. His grandmother, pleased with Elston's élan, promised to make him a matching tea cozy. Red and puce sequins artfully sequenced between orange and grapefruit segments, with asbestos insulation to finish. Regardless, the tea cozy sat prettily on the fakir's bed surrounded by 7,639 small doilies from recycled paper, sequins, and garters made of tattered paper. His grandfather was frightened by the sudden onslaught of doilies, and garters decided it was nobler to give away the whole caboodle than to remain blinded by puce sequins.

Eagerly he called his material girl and asked if she could sing "Material Girl." Grandfather danced while preaching to the unwashed masses as they dug their hands through barrels of orphaned socks, finding muddy relicts from athletic events. Alas, they smelled awful. In order to mitigate the fumes, their manager liberally applied oil of oregano on macaroni cheese and filled choux pastry with sage. Cook socks with onions, if you don't dilute with bleach or thinner then add marzipan and plenty of buttery toffee to finish! means no Add salt and pepper in increasing amounts, chocolate to taste, drop in some nuts, raisins, and lemon drops for half simmer slowly a week, finally you add more orphaned socks, and voilà! Oh......Rocky! Dinnertime for the lion Candied Socks. Anyway, if anybody really wants Candied Claw Clippings to serve their guests, Werewolf claws are most delicious when coated with sharp shards of toffee, and drenched with pomegranate pulp and maple syrup. Bake for three days at 750 feet exactly, and then cool in a pool until the next morning.

Serve over and over until you run out of steam. BUT WAIT, remember that Elston doesn't wear socks in jabber, but yellow with lurid puce checks balanced by tartan scarves nonchalantly wrapped like dolmades are whenever they're defrosted to quickly. Well, thought Elston, I'd better get off to the deli to buy some more week old frankfurters. They're rubbery but just right for the weiner jousting tournament tomorrow. In preparation for the chivalrous contest he took care filing his teeth, toenails and calluses, but forgot to take care to find his frankfurter and did a test on his trunk instead. Agitated, he couldn't maintain his balance so reached for a star and caught instead a comet.

But he doggedly continued without marzipan for his Halloween treats. If you must know, Elston couldn't resist anything chocolate, especially deviously rich, chocolate covered, marzipan. Excitedly ignoring guilty pleasures, Elston refused to compromise, insisting on marzipan made with mentor assistance by little steps in the best way possible. Dismayed, Elston screams when he suddenly realized that the tense situation initiated by recalibration of the Snorgle-Splat fails to move the audience After that display of terrible grammar displayed by rebellious proofers Elston tried once again to get some food for his hungry tummy. Although many growls were heard, the appetite couldn't be suppressed, only by sheer will did Elston resist the butterfly of long words. Does eating actually require long butterflies? Long tusks are helpful, but do tail tales explain why tusk-speared marshmallows taste better than fresh when they are toasted. Halloween is approaching rapdily --I mean Samhain--and we will require additional witches to brew the snake and crabapple cider.

Strangely enough, the brew didn't turn people green. However, it did make their tongues glow in soft purple and blue. Too embarrassed to show anyone, Elston quickly grabbed a napkin and pretends he was preparing for a huge sneeze that would gravely disturb the well-being of elephant proofreaders afternoon tea. The next time Elston needed elevenses he called Mr. Gruber and said, "Would you join me in a deliciously decadent piece of tuskish delight, chocolate marzipan while we discuss our Halloween Bash. Trunks of costumes were hauled in from South Dakota but the elephants were too preoccupied with frivolous pursuits and frivolous discussions until, sadly, the the elephants ran out of tea.

It was a disaster for those poor elephants until the caffeine patches kicked in. Caffinated elephants! trumpeting rudely like crazed red bellied sapsuckers careening from here at speeds unheard of until now. OH MY. Does anyone remember how tuskish delight induced raptures at tea-time? A cousin arrived with loads of precious metals previously owned by gorillas, for the purpose of making the extravagent cups extravagantly valuable. Almond Biscotti was served, Chocolati Marzipani was also elegantly presented on Halloween despite the large eggs having been under cooked for three long hours.

Justified and quite replete, Elston and his family Butler's starched to etch the linens sufficiently for the creation of more flying rugs. A toupee is also quite delectable when prepared during heavy metal concerts where the banging of heads loosen the hairs. Growing bold certainly means losing all credibility as be tempted a qualified hamburger flipper, but then carefully crowned teeth are worth the pain and, potentially, the greater likelihood of costing more money. Being poor substitutes for a frivolous existence that rich people will never buy, they squat slowly behind dense daffodils and iron gates, hoping fervently not to awaken the guard squirrels. They also mould tiny ceramic elephants, using toothpicks for detailed tusks and to impress all the eligible young cannibals gathered for lunch.

However, elephants aren't cannibals, and, furthermore, elephants' tusks curve, unlike cannibal teeth rounded at the roots. Always eat at the base of a carrot when you imitate Bugs Bunny. It saves a tremendous amount when you know how easily forgotten a birthday can be. Oh, no! Mothers birthdays require twenty-seven hugs and breakfast on a homemade tea tray and don't forget to place the Birthday Card next to a huge picture of Medusa, captioned "Mom, I wish I were an elephant, because elephants have the ability to float whenever they cover themselves completely with antibacterial soap and they are so excited when they find something challenging and fly specks haven't made it yet. Unaware of the throw rug in front facing smartly at him, Elston collapsed exhausted from attempting to run in a tight skirt and high heels. He wasn't surprised that the outcome of such an odd occurence had consumed his unflagging energy for dancing. Dancing With Canada Geese is planned for the next big PBS special for fund-raising and features loosers like Jerry Springer jiving and tap dancing to classical polkas, accompanied by Lawrence and Olly, the old owl. When PBS tries to air this insane farrago of junk, most of the media barons will copy Jerry Springer, by bringing about their secret love of Canadian folk singers to prominence. Pumpkin patches are marvelous places to dance in, except when the pumpkins get underfoot.

Strawberry fields forever will trump pumpkin fanatics, clearly pinochle fanatics. Pinochle pumpkins, painted purple pretty persistently, party popularly, just not particularly pleasant. Ready for Halloween yet? This question leads to a hard decision. To decorate the pumpkins, or die without eating candy-corn. I think, therefore I mistakes I decorate or perish, I will remember. Thus spoke the Great Halloween Pumpkin when it arrived worn a'top Snoopy's head. Halloween jewellery is frequently rather ghoulish and popular at the festivals that promote Marzipan Elephant worship.

Weddings however were held in the soft gazebo, on mats made of sticky rice. Bamboo leaves hastily. Thus was also falling stickily in love whenceforth mushy peas and chocolate marzipan mix, producing green chocolates. Ugh! No deal buddy, mourned the members of his favorite hangout, strictly ballroom dancing, not that! Quel horror! exclaimed the danseur celèbre, at the sound of foghorns booming. VanMorrison appeared suddenly singing elephant hymns while dancing too. Elston's costume fitted perfectly. Halloween hijinks are hazardous to your avatars--eeekkkkkkk holiday happiness health, when lawn decorations accumulate waist-high hiding dancing midget stars on dope.

Happy Halloween! said Zeberdee, who refused to allow little kids to say trick or treat, smell the complete works of rolled dhal left out of the rain on my porch behind the glowing pumpkin last night. Only jibber-jabber said Jabberwock and he took a plane to visit Elston who wasn't there. Meanwhile, a stray wombat appeared atop the bending tree, shouting "Hey-- anyone fancy some chocolate marzipan elephants?" Elston nodded in agreement even though he wasn't tightly woven has nothing into the warp. Help! My trousers have disintegrated! And now in solitude he wonders which horse will win the lottery and become the next equine astronaut. This year fortunes run around in ever increasing spirals of spinach pasta in a never ending horse race around the track. This fountain pen always blots ink on full-moons when hounds howl and geldings grumble. Gnomes nimbly skipped across fjords on jet-ski's wearing only purple tu-tus over their ancient, wrinkled skin..... A rare sight for sore eyes. However, wet feet, muddy puddles, and floppy ears don't a hero make. Rather, strong hands, strong coffee, will power and cupcakes will always support those cunningly disguised followers of the Fraternity who frequent hallowed halls of castles. Beneath the blue suburban is a street paved with the remnants of spoiled marzipan and muddy bannana peels. When the bell tolls for thee," Elston quoted, suppressing his wild giggling laughter, that threatened to drown out the voices. But they ignored him completely, and went on making funny noises whenever they heard a ferry toot. Does that mean we can't toll the bells of St.Michael's Cathedral two peals a day? Well, perhaps it is preferable to more usefull to knock and wait for the butler to do the bidding of my Lady.

After contemplating how she had arranged the flowers I realized that there weren't any purple gladioli or chartreuse carnations in the vase. Elston picked the yellow tulips from the neighbours estate and willed himself to give a donation to compensate for the deceitful way in which he acquired the bouquet. However, his grandmother was long gone having been captured and subjected to a free Strine dictionary. Strewth, cobber! This cryptic vernacular has just about made things difficult to comprehend when suffering from brain drain. The captain ruffled his parrot's feathers and asked, "If twenty-three doubloons can't buy him rare books on parchment, then what should he squander it on?" This seemingly unanswerable question plagued everyone who dealt yellow fellows to all other players. But, contrary to poorly translated medical texts, this particularly odd combination failed to come to anyones attention. That's why one should invariably quote the proper sources. However, pasta sauce sticks better when it's got plenty of industrial adhesives mixed with bananas showing layers like lasagna.

Regardless, this to do with proofers and Foofers, let alone project facilitators whose Lycra miniskirts never rise above the ankle. Content providers however wear elastic suspenders, foofy wigs, unless they are natural book fairies. Old books spread dangerous myths, legends, ungodly theories, etc. but new books are even worse: they are devoid of worthwhile subjects that are not commonly contemplated. Elston scanned the horizon for signs of :IsThisaDragon:'s whatever those things are. Having misread the almanac, his timing was off because moon-dragons can't count higher than 1,048,575, so he decided lickity splickity to learn some songs about :IsThisaDragon: (not purple!) but blue.

Orange, moondragon of the high chaparral overlooking piebald thought, "these inflamed passions are beyond my experience," and turned away from the abysmal depths of human ignorance, and back towards the soaring heights of brute elephant/dinosaur tribal knowledge. Distributed elephants occupy more crowded nightclubs nowadays, because obese zebras never dare to enter the house of ill ostriches. Clubbing does occur every Thursday in the backstreets of www.pgdp.net but never in a serious mentor/mentee conversation. Elston asked, trumpetting in marvelous synchronicity, could he possibly go snipe hunting without getting in a new humvee? "Of Course," mumbled an old ant squirming into his home. "Sweet home", Alabama" sang Tennessee River hopelessly tuneless. "Encore!" cried eight dwarves sang goodbye.

Too tall to fall too small to post but most of the dwarves fell about laughing and swilling Whilst carousing drunkenly. How drunkenly, is demonstrated by magic diagrams drawn on Marzipan-boards in red crayon. The child refused to give up pulling flowers off the purse of Lady Dirigible, who happened to be proofreading pages on Eugenics can be so entertaining to hedgehogs. Hedgehogs scare many people, especially civilized and over-achieving types who seldom stalk spineless aristocrats or penniless cheese-eating monks who read Spinoza. Philisophers, stoned or ungrateful delinquents depending upon the kindness of strangers will always find a kindred spirit in bars serving Midori, marzipan chasers, and nuts. They also use quills plucked from ostrich feathers by mandrills. The ink flows best when conscientiously applied to the insides of platens of typewriters only if the moon their name is full. However, it appears frightful and strangely --yet wonderfully-- attractive at once. Ink has never nauseated octopuses, no matter how weak their constitutions.

their constitutions Echo's seem seem prevalent, entering rings of solid golden voices sounding plastic and tinny. But Mozart eschewed such luxuries as mud pies garnished with fresh parsley. He prefers simple dishes prepared properly with sweetbreads crumbed and deep-fried in chicken fat and accompanied spiciest frog who likes volcano chili. But snakes only eat sweetbreads if they are sautéed in a light beer batter and placed on a bed of gently wilted earthworm segments. Elephants however, will graze amoung the golden daffodils along with marzipan idols, chocolate frogs and anything else that eats chocolate.

One of best things about parachutes is their unreliable attitude towards members of the press who fall from twelfth-floor balconies. Which is no longer unusually high considering they are merely relative to an ant. "Nice hat," said the squire to the bishop. Elston's confusion choosing hats colorfully blocked and felted was that Christmas avatars had taken preternatural control of the numismatic underworld causing it to implode. This confusion started a brain twist last summer in the dark caves beneath Elston's armpits. Elston cried, darkly, "Begone! Thou demons of Maxwellian persuasion!" Smart guys do not worry about contractions or ellipsis without consulting oracles that use telephone shoes to tell The Guideline.

Quickly recovering the sofa after Gluefoot (long story!) scrunched it, Elston put his elephant jammies on and sat down on (expletive deleted) with a great thump. Poor Elston! Drycleaners don't make housecalls, so he had to take the A Train during rushhour, carrying his grimy howdah precariously on a baby-carriage. teetering precariously can be dangerous indeed. Elston drove his grandmother nuts, but dancing elephants delight grandmothers with their, nobody will twinkling toes. and long tusk tassels.

The pig in tutu delighted the audience, even as Elston said 'oink' and made shadow pictures on the floor. The picture of which surprised him the least failed to pass muster with the illustrators who were fiddling with pictures. Tomorrow passing mustard before every pickled hedgehog will cause Santa to regret his indulgence in sour food. Preferring marzipan spiked with Midori and a map showing echidna-friendly cities with old-fashioned delicatessens, Elston complained bitterly about the lack of interest in marzipan shaped as Christmas trees. Alone, Elston stood fast, refusing to give up his right to be treated with the polite attitude due to magnificent, albeit eccentric, pink elephants. Nonetheless, elephants can behave in the most elegant and genteel manner. Thus Elston dances the fandango then he trumpets loudly to drown the meeping of the (meep! meep!) coyote, who fancied marzipan, but only mint flavored. That, of all things, caused the his fur to turn pink sandy white with flecks of gold leaf. The expenses incurred by Elston while on his most recent escapade made his accountant have fits.

Chocolate made everything better, as it always does. Not knowing the exact hat size Elston knitted an enormous paisley toque using giant wooden needles because elephants would never forget their fear for toque guerillas. who always spell out each word when proofreading pachyderm pornography. That way prominently on naked rocks with green eyeliner. Coldly surveying his fridge as old produce stank, Elston debated if hired housekeepers were worth the risk. They tend to toss pizzas up so high the ceiling-fans slice and catching them making sure they don't splosh over respectable sentences.

After all, that's the point of writing stuff correctly, if one cares so much to proofread when under the influence. Seasonal libations are your worst choice. Of course, Elston always drinks in the bathtub, being somewhat inebriated by drinking bathtub gin, but this minor tipple didn't compare to Valentine's Day when Elston actually spilled an exquisite bottle of faux olive in a passionate pirouette, indicating that it is time for slightly less to drink. Elephants rarely drink before 10 a.m. except when working nights.

A healthy liver can be eaten with onions usually causes. Baking cookies stuck to the pan is one of the whilst juggling problems you wish didn't multiply like rabbits do. Multiplying elephants or relatives can divide while adding and subtracting gleefully. They take away one's breath without playing accordion sonatas at 2A.M. Additionally, it seems antisocial to negate seasonal bonhomie during sports. However, exercise your mind not body and all that goes will come and wither whether or not it makes sense. Once upon a plateau a mouse faced Elston who screamed and flattened his wrinkled and purple toes into eggplants. They squelched deliciously as he ran to and fro chasing ducks.

Do ducks care about hedgehogs or marzipan dainties with gingerbread wild men? Yes, if only to outclass koalas at the local pond. All I want for Christmas is Cheez Whiz and no one talking about giraffes. Poor Elston didn't know long-necked spotted animals are hard to entertain, and impulsively buy stripped neckties. Piebald beans remind Elston of the halcyon days of his early youth. Whereas boiled until soft then post-processed ancient Latin magic beans remind him of leathery book bindings and high-school.

These memories brought a moment of quiet reflection, very unusual onboard ship while attempting the limbo extra words can prove irresistible when distracted by wandering reindeer pulling carriages on wintry nights. This Christmas Eve, Santa and his helpers are traveling incognito so Santa-land police can't prevent Santa speeding through the urban neighbourhood. speed-bumps notwithstanding the sleigh, deer-eight powered avoided crashing. Despite reckless pedestrians and stray dogs chasing one clobbering another. The candles burn brightly for those lost travellers riding camels across the vast terrain protected by Janice, the ferocious Rottweiler who likes gnawing at chocolate marzipan and whatever other Monarchs are available. Butterflies tend to butter their flies of Velcro whilst strapping under milkweed their eggs. Nesting quietly, far from erudite proofreaders, and prolific progenitors of punniness and silly sounds proposed permanent permafrost-proof cabins, containing deliberately deceitful mis-leading links and all filthy formatters needing sausage to be foofing fluently. What wackiness awaits diligent readers of misused Forums, antique Guidelines, and dancing await updating when the proofreadlers evade capture when spurious letters impersonate alphabetical bacon catchers delaying elephants farting groofers harrying insolent jumping kangaroos leaping merrily north of Peloponnesia. Querulous reawaking Santa took up Virginia's wish; x-raying your zygotes and blasting chromosomes with fiery dragons' breath marks the end. Rainbows disappoint, despite chromatic colours being beautiful.

Ask anybody what the dickens this means, because average novels have direction in that they are read in the dictionary. You people haven't seen friendly but reticent elephants dancing on tables find problems with their grammar. Elston decided to stop using punctuation, but the elephants disagreed. The color pink was painted over because elephants can't stand being mistaken for hallucinations; their self-confidence is not good when that happens. CHAPTER TWO A lovely jade green vase with elephant ears depicted under a large mosaic rendition of Hannibal Lecter. Which should not be handled without proper precautions. Rubber hoses made Elston's legs tremble horribly.

A re-occuring theme here with variations is Elston's home cooking, finger licking but not exactly healthy, like deep-fried Snickers bars and taffy. Elston is quite large, compared to others who know him. His diet lacked fibre, like bananas, oat glazed stewed prunes, beans and cabbage. As we all love fiber with its gassy nature and delicate action, we entreat Elston to consume lots of chocolate marzipan is good and helps the fiber bond tightly. Excited, Elston bounded across the field of tulips, with a light heart and heavy feet. Meanwhile, Elston's brother-in-law was voted Best Vocalist of the DP Band,

"Hedgehogs' Heaven", for yodelling yodel-ya-he-hoo in an impressive outfit, consisting of puce and juice.

Dreaming, Elston mused, is hazardously addictive. Counting sheepdogs barking loudly at goats dancing the Bus Stop caused Elston to lose his temper, as well as his hat. He raced after the largest and greenest and by Jove, LOUDEST bicycle riding lizard that was ever able to compere the entire function to a slightly different, yet remarkably similar equation. Weather permitting, there will always be a concert where elephants who like marzipan can Can-Can with mice wearing full armor with chocolate tutus melting away in a mist. However, it is unlikely daily goals can stand the odious inspection by three or more gathered wise hedgehogs. Echidnas, conversely, converse freely while doing calisthenics in starched pinafores aka pinbefores that chafe and shave con verses.

However, wombats can't write romance novels, while they can crush beer cans with great spectacle. Written by emus, with starched pinbefores because sand and salt-water don't belong with laundry soap. Squids can supply ink, and wasps write lucid, if rather grim stories amend to Shakespears works. Calamari rings true whenever it's struck in the instant after the inevitable but still moving tide. Fighting sleep while lying on top of all on eggshells, my wife is drawing portraits of wanted criminals. If you like you and you or you, you might find gradually that climbing is fun.

On the banks of Switzerland or next to near perfect copies of the Alps, Neddie Seagoon, Eccles, and major Bloodnok discovered a rare species of scanno in the piano Bluebottle mountain range. Little Jim ran in excitedly to The Canal Of Doom to tell William that chocolate covered rabbits don't float. Minnie Ha-ha laughed hysterically while trying to wrestle Elston's young cousin because he attempted to retrieve the injured seagull from the jaws of Gluefoot's vise, during a unexpected disturbance caused by militant hedgehogs raising their spines in prickly protest against the incredibly annoying hum of off-tune hummingbirds. flying sideways an imbalance in the cochlea of airborn earthworms without motion sickness, although since earthworms don't have wings. They cannot fly. Confused, Elston examines a leading expert's report on flying hedgehogs. Scratching his lottery ticket, he cried until he realized that the numbers were precisely the size of twenty-seven times his original bet which meant 50 cents.

After having called his brother in Smoot, Wyoming, Elston took a swim in the Lemonade river and encountered an orange peel boat full of grapefruit people, who shouted loudly at other fruits but were friendly despite not having any sugar for days nor any reason for spooning together. Fruit salad yummy yummy with cream and scones. Poor Elston! Cried the mother of Skippy eaters, who had witnessed poor behaviour on several other occasions. She decided to throw together peanut butter and jelly soufflés with grapefruit topping. Crumbly little flakes of marzipan and butterscotch flakes are believed to help prevent headaches. This menu for hedgehogs causes indigestion regardless of esophagus size but is alleviated by good ol' However, one satiated hedgehog is enough to blow the entire brass band to the next town, where convivial squirrels can hoard their homemade hooch under Elston's favorite jumper. Rambunctious raccoons raised rare writing wrinkled ridiculous replies relatively rapidly really relying rather righteously and boldly beyond belief upon their bushy tails for balance. This leads kindly lights to the encircling gloom of madness.

Wondering what will become of the lights after Twelfth night of flooding causes concern amongst the cognoscenti, who always need much chocolate to relieve stress from too many classical references in one heavily footnoted critical edition of Edmallion's "Exercises in Frustrating Folderol". Don't eat anything that comes from underwater basketweavers bearing bodacious acclaims of weight loss and Bartlett pears. Even though you know they are extremely exotic, tempation for you to eat whenever you feel the urge to gnash teeth on some rock candy. Oh! What fun it would be if the number of elephants in the world where as many as human beings. The sewage spilled over beyond the ridge of the mighty ol' funky Shadow Mountains, creating a zone of horrific smelly swampland below and causing the growth of strange furry beasts with wings. Last Sunday, one of our neighbours visited the fortune teller to ask directions to Garden Gnome City. The answer was "Hello, we've moved them because elephants often trample on them.

Using gnomes-de-plumes the neighbors wrote about 30 pages of folderol that needs proofreading. Therefore, let's all put a kibosh on gnome trampling. Dwarve-pinching however, is acceptable. Elston asks, "Why me?" in consternation. Fortunately, nobody dared ask why not. Resignedly, Elston quit worrying about things that were not under his immediate perusal because it only caused him painful gas.

Despite all his good behaviour his trunk was sore from prolonged immersion in the frigid waters of Lake Waikikamukau, where loons cavort in the underwater caves. Happily, Elston leapt into frigid waters and relished the exhiliration shock of the vast horizon that stretched from his brain outward beyond the ends of his tusks. "Ouch!" Said the hedgepig, flying drunkenly from his chair in a painful leap of logic that resulted in disaster. What happened? Elston could feel depressed worms under the thawing pizzas that wiggled and look disgusting, but not any crustaceans would agree as they are sometimes hard headed and crabby. Once they open the discussion about claw size affie rapidly began to bounce and run the show. It was an unusual event full of twisted plot, and they measured claws at the DP convention. The party was on! With music and dancing.

Everyone was busy proofing the horrid story of the latest hedgehog smuggler "Rolf Henderson and the Prickly Pig." The Latin translation was indecipherable, However the Greek could make you cry. "Eat your broccoli", said Rolf's mother, "it's good, even though it doesn't taste like Grandma's." Later, they ate sardines and petits fours served on mountains of shredded spinach collapsed around salmon mousse. However, when they finished eating the salmon mousse they felt ill and vowed to never eat fish again. However, horse offal makes surprisingly good digestive agent. "EEWWW", said Grandma, with a look behind her refrigerator. "What is THAT hedgehog doing with my prickly pear?" Is she really trying to make matters worse? Actually, she is abrogating all chances of ever getting her favourite snack.

Snowmen eat before they go snowdropping, so they won't bite little children Can drink copious amounts of antifreeze and lose nothing. Shut the faucet off when frogs start to croak. This is the only place where fearless mice and men display bizarre behavoir when confronted by dancing elephants flying over in a moment of unparalleled levity. Despite the recent war, it was very quiet when Elston got to try his Nerf gun. It was against the public opinion of squirrels, but then they don't have rights although they should. Actually, if you were to make a nut cake, you'd choose to do the same. "I want my own piece of heavan, however it seems I can't get over raising hell. I think you are quite the ticket, love.

Thank you! I like the way the clouds hung over the banister, it was most amusing." Through foggy, foggy nights, and windy, windy days, the very thought of dancing snows made me shiver with contentment. Maybe it will ice over the old bones buried under Gluefoot's rose bushes. Red roses are the joy of spiny anteaters but the yellow roses hedgehogs love. It took rose breeders four centuries to create OCR-able thorns in order to determine the ideal edition of "Roses: Who, How, and Why?" by Fairy Gardenmother Janeþ, whose thorny demeanor causes those surprising results while gardening. Wellington boots, not Crocs, are the best kind for when sloshing about in very deep mud. One must, without exception, take care when confronting smiling people in case they belong to any clandestine or pseudo-military organizations.

In order to collect tax refunds one must lie unashamedly or stay out of the reach of the tax man. Before placing a bet he calculated that if the worst was to happen he would merely sell his collection of toy trains, matchbook covers, flying toasters, and French -fried spuds which still were wrapped in newspaper. A little bit later on the roof of Schloss Neuschwanstein, Spiderman and paparazzi from the Daily World held proof of Elston's involvement in necromancy.

However, nobody would believe Elston could conjure up twelve blond dancing girls with only the tiniest wisp of turquoise gauze semi-transparent lingerie. "Silly Elston believed in anything he read," sighed his grandmother. Her age old dog looked up from ogling a bone, well chewed, and nearly fell asleep. The fallacy that Squirrels (capital "S") are among endangered species if not already extinct, already refuted to severe and undisputed outcry from all corners of the globe, despite the fact that it's against the law. March towards the future with no fear!! Before you collapse with laughter, you should ensure all your ducks are thoroughly plucked, stuffed with Key limes and oranges. On second thought, a(n) apple might be the best target instead of a gooseberry only if you want Brown Betty.

I heard a strange story yesterday: my neighbor ran naked in the snow, while several onlookers cheered and laughed. Meanwhile The marsh gas continued to burn unabated, causing a dense crow to roast itself. Crow can be delicious, particularly when paired with pared pears. My aardvark eats only ants and termites. Pickled pussywillow predominates perhaps portentiously pestering porcupines preening publicly pointed projectiles placed perpendicularly under the sheltering boughs around glades and elephants. Patricia persevered patiently putting par perfectly persimmon purée, peeled prawns, par-boiled potatoes, poached plaice, pulverized peanuts, processed pork, pickled pussywillow and mustard. There's always something to do, but please put a penny farthing under a tarpaulin, to keep his hands off it. A new gnu knew I knew you new, I did! The great thing about hippopotami is the way they wallow in tutus and keep themselves from worrying about what to wear underneath a tarpaulin in the big show.

"The stars," she muttered "How they twinkle, like popsicle toes on ice. Beware of sozzled elfs and wicked wicket keepers, Red Caps, and other inebriated imps playing pranks on unsuspecting trolls. Mountains, white capped and perilous rise sheer and ladderless through the leaden clouds of cyanide. Johnny wants the shiniest yellow tractor. A green card must be green, pink, or puce, but never orange.

Hardly anyone can answer this riddle, which asks a conundrum of sorts; guess what, better still, we should drink with our friends from down the lane, and then sit under a willow tree chewing straws and talking politics. Oh no, I just lost my way again, please help! Perhaps, where you go is where you need the most direction. You are here! That is exactly what they meant. Elston's storytime begins tomorrow around lunch. Be there! While pondering life's joys under a starry mantle and fine wine, Elston wistfully suggested a tango. So they chose partners, and can-can -cannot re-re-remember how they disliked having were expected to play the music amidst all the chattering and stuttering about wordcheck was unknown.

Lurking deep in the heart of the ancient group of sinister, reclusive zookeepers lies unbounded vitality to reproduce hordes of killer ants. Sir Nonfat his ions dispersed among the masses. Elston scratches his head while he ponders this highly charged question regarding radical dieting. Is it really true that when elephants sigh tigers cry and lions stare woefully at the scarce but often tasty squirrels that keep the wheels greased with suet. Good words lead to good books.

Bad words leave a soapy flavor, particularly when a rancid word is left dangling. Good education doesn't work when you say ain't or swear to never study again even when you lack the will to grow. Today, Elston switched stories. Elston also belongs elsewhere. Where did Elston go? Shy goblins hide under Elston's ears and giggle uncontrollably, while Elston cried. Poor Elston, what a commotion those shy goblins, chattering away and laughing uncontrollably when he wanted a drink.

Creeping warily past the drowsy gnomes Elston makes it to bed. Portable typewriters make excellent doorstops when thrown against portals or portholes thus causing enough noise and damage to exterminate whiteants permanently. Isn't it lovely what cranky behavior brings out? Luckily, there were 3 wheels on the tricycle. Chuckling quietly, a mischievous tricyclist threw a large fourth wheel onto the bosse's tricycle. Then she attached a air horn to the echo chamber and ruptured it. There are more odd things in orbit than you'd like, especially when the starship flys are obitting. More rain fell from Mars today.

March rain, April Showers, and May may come in retrospect oblivious to the flowers. Summer will herald drought, plagues of bursting bouquets, and bugs. Happiness is a warm cup of tea with licorice and a lioness in a cozy den. That was just asking us all to proof our canvas and liquor. One day, far away, years ago, when life was easy and earning a buck was unnecessary, unless someone woke you. Nowadays, it seems like one hundred dollars doesn't buy a loaf of bread with in Europe.

However, it does buy time for margaritas and similar bizarre eclectic choices of fun. Today is the first of many, many more pleasant days. To-morrow is only a state of an imaginary squirrelene molecule that always runs away. Good grief! Snoopy is flying his doghouse across the sky. in the absence of a parachute scream. Houses aren't made: they grow and grow into mushrooms with red blotches on and tiny wiggly toes.

Toadstools, however, are not home to callers. unless it is warm and relatively sticky. Bananas are usually not straight, unless ironed with extra starchy glue. Apples make great struedel material. Oranges however, are too tart. Strawberries and killer-tomatoes are favorites round here. However, pineapples are prickly or smooth -talking charmers. In April fools are in style.

In May styles are more flowery. In June things begin bearing fruit bats and other mysterious little beasts. Take care of your squirrels, or they take care of each of the other life aspects. Rats, on sinking ships run and overtake the the boats. Spreading peanutbutter and mayonnaise on your pizza is sounds yummy, but sticky. "Cheep, Cheep," cried the budgie salesman.

"But we're no longer than we are wide," quoth the Easter Bunny. Rolling eggs up hill like Sisyphus, for example, builds strong bunny muscles. Gorgons alone prefer hard-boiled and deep-fried Mars bars with Gorgonzola. It must be raining or blowing blizzards out in the park. We should never assume anything that quacks can float, inflated rubber meteorites can't. But meteorites can fly south for lunch. Whereas dinner should stay down wind of elephant's trunks and tummies. Finally, place plaice centrally between two pieces of eight while juggling multi-colored oranges with easter eggs and hatchets.

Must you pay attention in lectures, utterly boring speakers droning on about themselves notwithstanding. However, clowns lecturing on balloons are full of hot air. So rarely do we listen to the voice of wisdom and experience, because meteorites interfere. Maybe little clowns should learn how to apply red and vanilla colored paint weekly. Seventy wise clowns proofed seventy blank pages and erred 70 times per page. Seventy rabbits carrying seventy Easter Eggs would be quite a popular seventies warren. Nonetheless the gerbils still demand a toll of peanuts and popcorn to use their wheel. Next week stopping short for a cuppa Joe lost his precognition. Keyboards unplugged because they were handing out voice recognition software for blind mice. New glasses will tend to empty rapidly because the yearning for beer is irresistable.

Inferior speakers will always pronounce their musical static loudly and unclearly. If the subwoofer tweets then dogs howl. Which make criminals actively slide back in time to the point where the universe comes together. Last Tuesday, for fun, I made tracks for for my toy trains. Today I didn't explode. I'm happy to be me today. Tomorrow is imminent. Custard is my favorite desert.

Saharan dunes are hot. Short sentences rock. Long sentences deter? Friggatriskaidekaphobia notwithstanding, Edward Lear was always unafraid of the custard Jumblies make, despite gastrointestinal shortcomings inherent in epicurian potato chips and caviar. Stewed prunes remind me of my science project. Baked Alaska tastes a lot better than steamed army boots au vin. Lions are great! Penguins are better. Wolves however prefer bacon.

Aristotle says lions should be found in pies. But, geographically, they belong in Africa, where they usually lie about their age and pretend to be humans. Meanwhile Elston left town. Elston returned after a short visit. Nothing happened.

Actually, he was too close for the weapon forged by Hephæstus in his dreams. If only life was of cherries! a bowl I wouldn't be so certain, except cherry pits can really hurt if shoot one biscuit fishpaste. Basketball is one example of team sport that requires both skill and peanut butter. Cricket however, needs no trained bats to catch flys, just flying chickens to cheer. Evil looking cricket bats threatened to strike the hour before they return their books to the batting line-up.

Five reasons for never washing after cuddling geckos amidst little pools of rosewater are: 1) possible 2) The Gecko amidst Rosewater Prohibition of Washing Regulations 1627 (The 1627 Regulations) as amended by the Limited Use of a Facecloth Permitted Regulations 1993 (The 1993 Regulations) why not. Still, the device for limiting words broke down. Fortunately, it just proves, once again, you can get away with anything. To get big shoes on little hooves, you need padding. Panic ensued, complete overhaul of all passanger planes will facilitate greater comfort.

Free drinks and pizza for everyone who has middle seats between two Indians fans or those overly friendly proofeaders. Whenever they get suspended underneath the sign of the Mystic of Madness they screem loud. "Bravo!", said Charlie as he cheerfully opened another tin of Spam, with honeyed kumquats. Frog legs taste best uneaten, whereas frogs croak when caught by Englishmen. English women croak when given too much toothpaste when engaging first gear. Somewhere someone someday, somewhat sombrously, shall sell seashells showing scenes seemingly sensuous, sometimes silly, sometimes serious, surely slanderous, surprisingly succinct sometime soon.

Quick queens quack queerly, quite querulously, questioning quarantine, quintessential query. Wonder whether whiny wimps whip wicked will work willingly without wages. Is ignoring idiots a crime? It is! Or else, you die! Who are they to criticise our manners? We should clearly remember Ellston's mantra: "Joule." Short, but sweet indeed. The phone bill is conducive to wanting less communication with mother-in-law, but drastic measures like cutting meat on Fridays should be avoided except when are not far over enough. Alligators bid colleagues bon appetit claims a shy and one-armed bandit with a morbid dread of reptiles. Crocodiles, however are playful when they're very hungry. Nonetheless, shrimp and chocolate should be forever banned as toppings for pizza.

Marzipan however, is marvelous with mozzerella and morels, and mushrooms, for making magnificent messes on motorbikes. Trainee torturers try to trick treasonous turquoise turtles tempting them to take twenty-two thousand licks of pistachio gelato with cream. Gather fifty navy-seals dressed before dawn, in tartan socks and kilts, blowing on little toy bagpipes as they paddle backstroke in a blue bathtub. Eating bananas and cream, Gluefoot was slathering some chocolate sauce on his atomic dustbin. Molecular trash migrating snails and earwigs aren't the best food for guests.

but give them fudge encased grasshoppers puréed stinkbugs and tomato flavored cockroaches and they gobble appreciatively. Later retching agonisingly, without taking pictures for the local newspaper, they promised nothing. Sharp knives can cut through red tape, so preventive measures, preparing kevlar tape for administrative type people to use against those who intend to abolish bureaucratic folderol. Speaking slowly isn't sensible unless the speaker is trying to make sure you sleep in your chair. Magpies dashing paprika taste like chicken, if you take the giblets and make sure you blanch olive with them and garnish liberally with chicken flavored cracker crumbs. And be totally oblivious to outside broadcasts about pandas with Bernaise sauce and asparagus they cooked with fruit and walnuts. Oranges are rather like hedgehogs, except on Fridays they're required eating for dwarves and such. However, cockle shells, little bells and pretty much anything that rhymes with 'smells' can only arouse the maternal instincts in skunks.

Woe betide the ignoramus twisted between the jaws of purgatory, abandoning hope beyond here eternally longing for chocolate.

Chocolate! Blissful and sensuous spread together almost like halvah, but immeasurably more evocative of life's ecstacy. "Not again," said the splendid chocolate moose as the heatwave in NY. melts his piece of mind, "I must remember where it sank spoke the walrus while unwrapping yet another herring," said Lewis Carroll, while gazing into the wide open mouth of Devil Duck in terror. The cavalry wearing feathers and pink bow ties looked dashing and silly fillies thought they were learning French fashion design. At New Zealand, turn pike roads plunge off in to the vast fields of red mushrooms that smell like poppies.

The fields of Marzipan are rich people's property, so visitors are executed if they pick flowers without permission. More than ever before. Elston, being an elephant, never forgets marzipan storage sheds with ziplock doors, and then armed guards. On tiptoes through the crunchy peanuts and squishy melting banana plantations, huge and gorgeous. Elston tried ice skating, which was a mistake considering the thinness of ice in Tahiti. But the water was salty tasting with overtones of tuna, while dolphins escape from custody on Mondays.

Parachuting without a whig or blindfold, while clutching a Tory is not Political Correct. Democratically, Elston ordered a Sicilian pizza without speaking. Universal gestures brought him nothing but grief. Pizza with custard and marzipan requires lots of courage and some taste numbing novocain. However, "Pizza Elstoni" knew exactly the measurements of her well defined dictionary entry, with diacritical marks swarming all over, aggressively and uncomprehensively humming: "tone fork." The pizza quite understandably was never eaten, because thirteen hundred hungry soldiers all tried to steal the same slice of Mama Mia Pizza Pie. Unfortunately, the waitress could and frequently did steal most of the rest room's supply of feminine sanitary supplies. Kafkaesque metamorphoses happen here frequently. Meanwhile in another continent altogether, 29 feet from Atlantis wandered aimlessly along the footpath. Well, those 29 profligate feet ambled slowly over to a store credit card raging silently in his personal nightmare involving twenty outstretched hands leaving 9 left for milk chocolate and whiskey.

Chocolate marzipan Batenburg Cake sounds delicious! And is. Thickly sliced, slightly roasted nut roast will surely kill many dull moments. Elton, for singing such operatic arias gets the loud mouth organ music every time it's piped. Even children are enjoying the rich flavor of marvelous marzipan toasted beyond recognition, whilst those who have good reasons for not trying to be children should at least bite hard, why not! You cry or melt chocolate with salty tears, while strawberries and marzipan are devoured in giant spoonfuls with great pleasure! Rogue elements create dilemmas in unsuspecting meteorologists whose rabid passion for forecasting stirs a unrelenting passion for the forecast weather ... clear skies and hurricanes. The rain in Spain in July last year came near a little girl, who plaintively asked for weatherproof Faille Taffeta to use as a raincoat. White knuckle rides for outlandish prices are still popular. Bustopher Jones regularly spilt atoms with his shaving-knive.

A purple and green aura surrounded all the dancing leprechauns that failed to transmogrify the Irish whilst seeking forgiveness for such peccadillos as are usually forgiven. The delicious coffee, served --meteorologically spoken-- rain falls from above, then falls rain on thirsty gardens which then bring forth triffids. Unsurprisingly these triffids polinate the land indiscriminately resulting in walking forests of poisonous mushrooms filled with cheese. However, triffids filled with wodka are deliriously happy when eaten by Russian dancing bears. While dancing in the flower fields and joyfully singing in the wrong costumes for several days blissfully unaware of vegetative incursion into the vast wilderness beyond belief. Artichokes from Jerusalem, thorny though wonderful, are unpalatable. Montenegran Vranac growing rampant in his car, sought a cleaning solution vendor in extremis. Desperately rubbing and not remembering early employment in the service industry without gratuities. Schooling is overrated, according to the dolphins of seven seas but narwhals and manatees have degrees of freedom and otters do not.

Poor otters! Shouldn't they be like pearls among the ashes? Otter cuisine is known for it's exquisite crunchiness is created by ants who consistently drool over rice crispies. Down-side of the menu is, eat broccoli only when you need vitamin K and fragrance. Sound advice. The finest blue chicken doesn't cluck. It clicks and plucks and flaps its feet, but when dancing around the prettiest Maypole in the world, festooned with azure garlands wrapped away in silk and leather, soft as a lizard's throat, it could be that of a strange goose instead.

Here comes gooey red fire brigade officers, with bright copper kettles and dull iron nose rings waiting for someone to spontaneously combust. At that precise moment, Elston decided to launch a counter-attack against the invading hordes of gnomes. Only for two of the defectors who seemed quite nice to some wandering penguins wearing tuxedos was incarceration an option or was at least better than socks without their shoes. Being barefoot in the antarctic regions cracks nails and destroys the universe on Fridays. On Mondays he eats rotten eggs so that dark toast will not replace all broken tiles on the roofs. However, July brings every Wednesday is followed by another day of dancing in birthday suits. Mondays, on alternate weeks we do many useless shaving sessions. Being bald we find outrageously funny. Hair, like that found within folds of blubber various lost souls sport, unwittingly. Asparagus spears dipped in cheese make an amazing sound when thrown against the saucepans hanging in bundles over the gleaming aluminum dance floor.

Deep water shopping centre at the mall. Meanwhile Blue Water is excommunicated. But why noone knows. Some speculate it was too blue. Others, that know better know better stutter some Ian cheats (shocked Ken) almost invariably but Elston dances proudly.

Homologous isn't anything to do with lottery tickets for mutilating the tar pot on the first floor of a luxury line cruiser whenever it crosses the gulf of a miraculous nature. Flexible doormats have non flexible azure blue redundancies, liable to explode in your microwave oven even though it's not switched on.

Several hummingbirds have hopped and hoped and poked themselves through the tiny wormholes of doom. Sleepwalking whilst awake, Elton considered popping on to stage a coup Denmark without the cheese. lacks cows. but bacon puts the meat on any fire (fire)-side meal. Aaaahhh, food the ants love to gather around the campfire and toast said bacon on sticks. Do other critters like dancing with pink penguins? Or do they prefer passionate puffins? Pure poppycock! she exclaimed, swanning over to peer at the gorgeous geese near Elton's new jacuzzi by the yellow brick road. Why eat pizza instead of liver, asked a notorious carnivore from Naples, Italy. Asteroid impact would be nothing but astronomically safe. How can anyone suspect favourite aunts of posting such sexual innuendos, yet acting prim and proper.

No-one would! Yelled the homely auntie ready for a beauty contest, wearing a smock and a tightly laced hairnet over yellow wellies and hot-pink knee supports with green occult symbology tattooed on them, wielding yellow daisies. Everyone saw to it that the bacon settle in the future beauty will be well cooked. This year, Elston resolved to change his eyes. He also decided it would be desirable to learn to scuba dive while eating bacon crisps with peanut-butter spread on blueberry crabcakes. Under water when the kraken wakes he mumbles passionate sighs when paddling placidly past a crocodile snoring gently on the sunny shore.

There upon the rooftop, sunning himself, was a white rhinoceros toasting itself and rolling marbles down the seashore. Why should a white fluffy seal need to wear tuxedos on both solstices. Coöperation among herbivores is known as herd management. Elston ate an apple and decided to cycle to his sisters' place in Grapevine, TX, forgetting that she'd moved to Timbuktu. Sadly, Elston mourned grievously because he could already see that as a devout vegetarian, nothing could persuade him to eat blueberry crabcakes. Why won't you try blueberry crabcakes, said the old man. But Elston's first instinct must prevail over whimsical old age.

This means Elston forgot his keys under his messy desk with all the papers and the last-week newpapers which he hasn't read. Garbage pick-up alternate weeks is often promoted as a green conscience salver, but it appears to really be a savings so civil-servants needn't bother to worry. No worries de nada bring about insensibility, and lack of porridge. Kangaroos have no feather fringed gumboots or ball caps. Wallabies, however are large but koala are more vulnerable to large predators. Food pantries that fail often do so with malice aforethought.

What this means for dancing elephants is grossly underated and belittled by all non-dancing members of Clown Troupe. Lazy procrastinators step carefully on wet banana peels, being fully aware of the consequences. A sinister sinusitis-ridden minister snuffled suspiciously his sister's Ian: :D nose being a bit on the bulbous side. She was clad in violet velvet vambraces and a feathery purple bra. Her favorite uncle had presented her with a gift certificate for lingerie and leather boots at discount prices. Her sights were set on the Crown Prince who was only four weeks away from making blancmange, but his cook saw to it that the ingredients could be found in all kinds of urns.

Therapeutic doses alleviating all ingredient ills work wonderfully in trials, but otherwise cause death. Elston gingerly edged past the feathery-bra-clad boa constrictor discovered lap-dancing within sight of mice and men lining up to polka. Dancing elephants always seem pink and delicious like marshmallows. They waltz solemnly making clunky rattling noises, hauntingly familiar, and clear. That's why we abolished the latest dance craze: only to find that punk rock flourished when soul wiithered and beecame earlyy rap. After that oud tunes rock on for senoir cizitens. Correct apparel in genteel ways, when worn off-the-shoulder has no buttonholes left to button. Carnations in full bloom taste like just about a few of the last thing smartly dressed went about eating with a hay-fork. Confusion reigned for decades in threads and more twists than straight reasoning was always able to make sense when spread like marmite on slabs of hard-tack.

Chocolate bunnies will melt in August, unless you keep them in the frig all day. Axe and pick thru the gas main while wearing a flame-thrower, a feathery headscarf, and a tie decorated with pink palm-trees is downright improbable! But nothing else would match the sarong on the plane to a wintery destination. With little hesitation but many thoughts of bloated bureaucrats fat waists sharp brains, flat feet and bulbous noses, Elston totally forgot where he put the lovely roasted aardvark. Recommencing the search Elston took his trunk to the ancient man -eating lion entertainment revue 2007, featuring two-hundred line-dancing Milanese yaks wearing high-heels and falling over backwards with gusto. And what most agree would happen by midnight but didnot. Milanese yaks create mayhem wherever they perform cartwheels with unicycles and margaritas attached to their luxurious purple tutus. Egregious extortionists bend uneasily with latticed bright pink rubber pants to contain goodness knows what. On the Riviera there are a multitude of tiny bikinis, which, when wet, hide almost everything except your dignity. A pogo-stick with attitude and altitude altered the bounce trajectory enough to annoy Elton to great degree. Pancakes and syrup would make his cholesterol, so Elston ate his toothpaste with relish, foregoing the other tomato ketchup he could have devoured on waffles.

How delightful, said Scrooge, turning easily into a bright purple flamingo. Then swooping across the azure lava lake which spat blue rivets and profiteroles upon heaped coffee grounds. Rainbow trout glittered silvery across the reception desk, mouths agape, eyes glazed, nostrils pulsating, but with grim determination finning towards an appointment book, looking for cancellations.

Nuclear toasters were outlawed along with pin-striped umbrellas because of flashing purple which everybody knows is quite inappropriate for toasters. Conventional toasters don't have the range finding setting to accomodate Darth Vader's breakfast order. for pumpernickel, chocolate marzipan with cream cornflake cake and chillis. Elston wondered and thought and mused: "I've forgotten nothing because I recently drained my bank account.

So now it seems fish bowls would rather fit nicely without ever having been ... ever... What??" ... crudely modified. Charismatic gnus Elston knows from days long gone know no one who has learned how to swim underwater when the great white whale is wearing his new dentures. Veterinary dentists often have considerable difficulty with sharks, although most sharks enjoy Veterinary dentists. Elston writhed in agony from toothache from the sticky buns he ate while he wandered aimlessly on the way over to the pizza parlour. Elston's appetite can be easily placated with Dibbler's ever useful phrosty drinks!

Satisfactorily refreshed Elston decided to change into his into his into his rather confused twin brother. Identical triplets are not frequently found in such a place with beautiful butterflies bouncing blithely between the daisies with Elston quite happily munching on blueberry crabcakes au gratin. Meanwhile back scratching is compulsory whenever squirrels gather to scratch their backs. That is when one squirrel scratches itself and another squirrel jet-ski's backward flip causes big waves splashing onlookers with sticky sweet soda.

Creeping furtively, across the carpet serpents study the secret scrolls number systems and geography of Spain. Cats study while sleeping a rather long time in a shoebox while mice study more artistic predators with a wild tendency towards playing monopoly. It's always monopoly, never better to try another yummy chocolate and cheese sandwich, but never ever, to try to consume a sexy boa constrictor. Of course serpentine writhings make interesting reading, especially when asps attempt Greek. Can cobras speak Castillian? Although their forked tongues find it hard to pronounce t's, and pronounce sentence, nevertheless they give as good betting odds to the mongoose crowd.

What the heck, it's flan flinging time and let's fling a flan! Strawberry flan is just flan with straw and berries, what hardly seems necessary is asbestos oven-gloves to be placed within the layers of the flantastic creation. It just sits motionless in the kitchen, staring blindingly into the oven, eyes unblinking, mouth drooling, ears twitching, the epitome of boredness. What the people want is irrelevant regarding the people's needs, determined by overwrought buffoons, intoxicated with lethal spirits and beets ground into a fleshy pulp. The sludge. Contrary people should take note of what makes them contrary. Airports do tend to aggravate most everyone. Conversely, skating without padding, or skill- while naturally rather slick -backed sea-lions can't skate. However, only when the sun sets Neologist skates.

Wildly inconceivable. Yet compelling and so demonically encouraged. Chocolate cake with raspberries, served with custard. Followed secretly by spicy mustard tartlets adorned with flaming flamingos. Oxymorons uniquely commonplace like iced-flambé and indescribable descriptions of jelly moulds. Coincidentally, four plus four minus eight is bupkiss! Funny proofers make funny Dour formatters make Scotland look bad. Elston tried enlivening proceedings by Rapid-Groofing but failed most egregiously.

Success comes from perseverance and trust. The popping of corks! thought Elston, when he first succeeded cork popping, and when flatulence dissipated. Bupkiss's green leggings shredded into the washing machine, typical for retro fashion. More modern sartorial taste requires velvet riding jodpers, (mmm, velvet) always feels softer then babies' bupkisses after a frenzied spate of proofing.

I love pickled peanuts only when I am I said pickled too. However pickled-herring are already basking in tin cans of brine or tomato sauce with added lead-poisoning just for fun. Teeth accumulate heavy-metals when dentists nickel electro-plate their fingers. Meanwhile, as cats snoring are too difficult to motivate pirate-wise several crocodiles were promised starring rôles in "Elston: Bites Back." This film, thankfully never was released into the existential void of the blue yonder because it never existed. Although filming with cardboard stage sets, pirate costumes explode unprompted and cause mayhem, panic, in Australia, Elston felt bewildered. Bent swords are called cutlasses, and cutlads are straight. With only three different socks it's easy to grease the baking tin by placing a greasy walrus sideways and "sock-bake" at 350°F.

Walrus recipes like these and these. The smell of pine kernels detonating can be distracting at least when proofing at Mach three. level then undulating hills prove un-navigable to the uninitiated pilot or pirate. Unless intoxicated. Lubrication aside, rooms spin widdershins when they are filled with octagenerian pirates.

Exaggerated claims can often evoke lunacy among moondwellers whereas earthbound cannon balls go astray, unpredictably. Eggs fried with jalapenos and habaneros caused heartburn aplenty among novices, but Elston's cast iron stomach could easily digest practically anything. Two gnus, fooled into unwise actions retaliate vigorously by renewing their vows remorselessly to bewilder passers-by who simply want good-gnus! Purple Beard the pirate obviously felt he was creaky. And, while he limped gamely, couldn't fathom six feet of sausage at starboard anchor chain. Unicycle riders need only three feet of rope to adjust the drop handlebars on the training platform before everything explodes carefully adjusting the dials. A Green Buccaneer American sailed with the wind and sailed more slowly than the Devyll's Breath would allow so wide were the beam and draught that only beer could do the trick. The piggy climbed onwards and upwards while grasping extremely silly toys and an icecream (rum and extra rum) bah bah. "Y'all're drunk," said Purbin_Bupkiss to the main man. Laughing uproariously he made rude gestures at his extremely silly attempt at acting like an actor.

Deep underground Elston remembered that he had forgotten the stove, where he canoodled noodles, cuddled curry, and cuddled amorous artichokes all within a single "sock-baked" evening. The odor, mused Elston smelt like truffles in garlic gravy with rosemary. "There's rosemary, sage, thyme, and marjoram bottles on the poop-deck but no ship's cook would dare open all the bottles or the poop-deck's caulking might suffer explosive disintegration. Carrots need butter and dill applied liberally to the war we tromped into quite blindly would season with paprika and pepper. Elston sneezed, his trunk irritated by tiny feathers, vented explosively and then pulled out his book. Judging by its cover the red pimpernel would turn green like Purbin_Bupkiss! Elston waved, touchingly trunk-ly and smilingly.

"Hullo, Bupkiss," he trumpeted with joy. "Let's go hide some popcorn", said Bupkiss, beaming bright pink, freshly scrubbed and very blindingly shiny. They began with simple heartfelt gestures as they usually do before slicing the cake. The cake of soap ("Peanut-and-Rum Fandango") was slippery and wet. Flying buttresses supported Elston's butt and underwires lifted everything else.

It's impossible to understand why Elston became so seductive when confronted with that film. There ain't 'nuff guava daiquiris for sharing with other alcoholics, marzipan addicts, Great Aunts, scurvy maggots always hurt the flavor naturally. Thus, was awful to imagine so many unripe cucumbers being recommended for an Oscar. Conversely For an onion pie with bacon and cheese with mushy-peas Elston pines. Elston also spruces himself at fancy-dances where he skillfully cha-chas with the furniture. Railway Express comes too late to arrive in time for the grand soiree at the RV park. Not on the strip, but in another dimension, a vast inland lake vanishes mysteriously into the drooling mouth of the Magnificent Enchanted Purple Pony who licked gobs of gooey guts Tuesday afternoons. Tuesday evening pirates sailed on westward to pillage Gibraltar, where they were seriously disappointed by the far-Eastern pilates. Yoga is the best! Pillaging yogis from Jellystone is fun.

Pillaging poodles, pugs, pekinese and greyhounds be fastest in the wee hours to wee for hours. Pirates are... scared only by cackling, "Cracklin' Bran". So why be ye afeared o' Pirates an' maraudin' buccaneers when ye can scarcely hoist yer rum aboard. Timbers ashiverin', wind a'blowin' storrrm comin --aye, it's a rough sea that takes all scrurvy dev'ls to Disneyland. They will hang out there and eat ice-cream and role-play. Elston asks, what is Dumbo doing with my Odor-Eaters in his trunk, oh my nostrils smell the awful whale-oil from the ocean whales' body-building. Muscular blowholes toot "Livin' La Vida Loca" all around the world.

Exhausted, Elston realized he was a little overweight. He exercised his trunk often and shook his booty like his ears. Trampling mice could never do the merengue correctly. However, they do fry cheese like anxious hosts piped mellifluous organ music. So when they saw the confusion giant red tomatoes bounced around the field and left red splotches everywhere. When the goose honks twice, Agatha calls Elton into the spider's parlour to meet the Black-Widow, queen of her realm, her Majesty.

Bowing deeply, she shrieks when discovering her eight-legged friend who ate her breakfast from my windshield. How fortunate, Elston mused she must suspend reality long enough to understand this story. Story-telling, once done well becomes splayed and muted when attempted backwards: any thoughts on how to go upwards? Enter elevator, head first then run in circles towards the furthest exit. Most useful instructions are least utilitarian. List forty more didactic utterly useless totally inane textbooks on encounters with the devil.

Evil spirits vanish when scrubbed vigorously with ammonia -soaked loofahs, metal polish and kimchi. They will completely ignore any different mode of persuading them to go by train to the London meet. It was a bright pulsating star in Perseus until the Millennium Falcon came along. Orion protested, as usual, per his constellatory manual, but without consulting his Hitchhikers Guide he couldn't decide how best to navigate hubwards at night. The sub postmaster collects stamps of imaginary countries in conlangs. Fried conlangs au gratin keep you in tears.

Whatever Elston thinks, conlangs are not what you need for stamps or sealing wax. That's why mailing letters to Elston is dangerous. Mailing Elston in a letter is difficult, because he is not only way too large, but very fragile dancing pachyderm. Speaking of pachydermatous choreography for elephants: Bassoon solo (s) drive Elston to tango, ruthlessly--wantonly --with his masterful grasp of the sultry steps and rose -colored slippers, swirling feverishly in time with the rythmic music. When the train arrives the feverish little gnome hurtles out to grab the closest relative by the tongue.

Ouch.--As the gnome screeched, bitten on the last remaining filthy finger, Elston said I'm recuperating! My trunk had shrunk after I had drunk juice from skunk tongue, which then boiled over into the peach pie. Do millipedes ever bake such scrumptious earwig pies: savory, crunchy outside but inside wet. Do Ghosts say "Boo!" Do witches dance rhumbas around cauldrens? Cauldron alchemy answers these questions by examining entrails of zombies, flea-bitten freaks, and trolls. Let's have another go before breakfast. Today, I awoke to find that the bacon was mouldy.

However, I had Spam® served with hush puppies. Contrary to popular belief hot beans on toast do not replace BBQed snake steak with escargot. Pandemonium erupted when the long dark passageway was finally overtaken by hobgoblins, enabling gnomes, laughing or crying aloud to escape Elston's wrath the hobglobins honed their razor-like tongues on the floor of the Medici's. Terracotta tiles are coldest when seen under ice and hottest when bathed lying languidly in molten ice he reasoned. Cool cat, that couldn't sleep again he yawned then fell back to counting his toes for the sake of thirty or more vets. After bathing, smelling sweetly, of swamp, the Jabberwock, with eyes of blue swooped down on Elston to pick up his latest find.

Trombone players prefer to lubricate their slides with cold cream and whiskey to lubricate the conductor. Lubricated conductors cannot conduct lucid compositions while they fling batons at unsuspecting sanitation engineers playing trombones. Flinging batons causes mayhem. Batoning flingers, unflinchingly boating and imbibing Famous Grouse, sensible fellow, are haunting ancient tombs. Thus, Halloween began. It creeps along oozing green dragon bile out of genuine need to rid the universe of the dastardly, dreaded earwig. Thus Elston wept crocodile tears which was odd, because Elston isn't reptilian or avian, but wholly pachydermatous and pink. Unruly skeletons, macabre mewlers, pandemonic proofers, troubling trolls, scandalous scannos, and frenzied frazzled foofers get the heebie-jeebies whenever they're tricked into giving their blood hounds a bubble bath in boiling apple cider topped with hollandaise sauce.

Hot dogs, cool cats and warmongers LOVE mustard when Elston eats the creamy centers of Oreos. More mundanely, when he splits some bananas, he adds strawberry flavored powder, gingerly churning until the chaos calms, then quaffs squirrel hooch and neat banana-strawberry liquor. The kind old gentleman offered to escort the undertaker to the graceful, uneasy librarian below the stairs. Hesistantly and with gentle hands he caressed her books, while whispering strange words --an incantation?-- or perhaps a recipe for hooch? This was a miraculous and prickly manifestation of the heebie-jeebies. Elston trumpeted the coming of the night and the beginning of Time. How long will Time exist. String vests are passé. String theory, however, stretches one's underwear tightly. Quantum underwear radiates heat when it is tied to a black hole it behaves inside out.

Newtonian physics tells you little of why toast falls butter side down, while cats thoroughly butter-coated will not squeeze through a mouse-hole. Buttered dogs with honey and yoghurt and mustard and beans are highly nutritious but lack the chewy. Kangaroos are very nutritious but not very good with spring onions. A favourite lizard asked Elston whether he liked everlasting gobstoppers. Elston, wearied of the reptilian reporters, who were scooping everyone up in the north-east end of jungle clearing the ground was very dangerous. Harry geese and ducks fly south for tequila drinks. Squirt the small duck and win the prize. Goldfish bowls, opined Elston, make nifty receptacles for ruby colored bacon. Cats shun mustard flavored catnip.

Horseradish catnip, on the timeless lavender fields of the Dordogne, brings happiness and flatulence to the poor kitties. That's why spicy catnip is only rarely seen when the fire cats spiral along power lines. Did you switch off of quinoa, or were you merely trying to diet? I do not believe it does much of its chores, said Elston, reappearing from self-imposed exile. His skin was covered in green glitter and gold plated chocolate with sprinkles obscuring the tattoos of "MOM." Scratching his living room sofa Elton removed cake icing with marzipan cleaner and lye. But thanks to advanced technology Elston's sofa was fire-proof, water-resistant and astonishingly uncomfortable. Buzzing quietly, his alarm singularly failed to rouse him from dreams about peanuts and Cracker Jack, but then what could? Wet policemen simply desire to do no more than dry their tootsies thoroughly before applying polish to toenails, even if they are shy about appearing publicly without their shoes. Mauve police uniforms lacking appropriate reality checks can be issued forthwith. Fashion gurus shudder violently- poor souls.

The mauve (60's popband) slithered out of their hiding place. They then tried to apply polish under their toenails and failed miserably. With furious effort they just managed to flip the policeman 's lid upside down. Mauve lids, violet eyes clash nauseatingly with turquoise nail polish. "Oh, well," thought Elston, "I happen to know a place where mauve nail polish can be quite lovely when applied with pom-pom -like fingernails.

Oh, the sight of freshly prepared and luscious mauve fingernail-polish. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, sarcastic snobs guffawed affectedly and held their hands foolishly flapping fooling no-one but the other snobs. Suddenly, a goose came waddling in and announced her objection to mauve fingernails and toenails; "Chartreuse, I say, you policeman, fashion crime! How could one goose like me have such crappy karma?" Tiny violins, so small played loudly are universally considered unamusing. Take concertinas, stuff them generously with sage and onion stuffing. Garnished with Stilton cheese, they'll burst in the fourth movement of Beethoven's little known yet adored stuffed-concertina concerto. "Nice one," he burped, "Excuse me!" But Elston shook his head slowly.

Gravely, Elston grabbed a napkin and wiped his nose surreptitiously. He had anticipated this in dreams but didn't stock up on handkerchiefs. So he found a instant relief cold capsule behind the fingernail polish. Gingerly lifting his trunk he peered quizzically into his soul: dark, gloomy. Wolves howl. Bats swoop... images remain more interesting than a moth-eaten sweater.

Voracious moths devoured most woollen garments in his perimeter. Rather large mothballs hung pendulously swaying on the breeze. "Alas," cried Elston, "our Lord High Executioner has lopped off the wrong portion of body. "Try Lydia Pinkham's method for cooking offal" recommended the new chef, Lydia Pinkham. Pink ham, applied to pink rashes suffuses all in pink. Orange peel, carefully macerated, diffuses suffering when stuffed in your puffed pastries. Singing can enhance your neighborly conduct when done far away from police in mauve, well-padded jump suits. Off key singing is no obstacle to joining in with carol singers.

Strident voices (like mine) are needed to balance the timorous whispering of timorous crooners. Public singing is only unacceptable when accompanied by orange dragons. Otherwise, singers may carol. Carol may join in sing and dancing with frenzied abandon, but she and her fellow carolers must not ever avoid the issue of global threats from barbershop quartets. The barbers huddled close to the styling gel, the product most likely to provoke allergic reactions in gnomes. Gnomes sneezing or hacking can cause consternation among gullible consumers who like their gnomes laughing. David says it shines brightly when the gnomes explode. Falling snow covers their dead bodies with a frozen blanket. Winter tightens around their icy tomb, and raptors scream their eerey cries, plunging earthwards.

Dead gnomes were freeze-dried, in the Soylent Green, then pulverised for fodder. Gnome-fed cattle produce smaller prime rib ideally suited for diminutive diners. Cups replace mugs when dining for drinking gnome-nog mixed with ginger. Ginger spreads with peanut-butter, chocolate marzipan and currants. Eating this renders almost every diner incapable of the tiniest shred of self-control while cavorting uninhibitedly through layers of unabashedly luxurious cream. Elston realized he needed to discreetly call attention to the white spot he discovered quite innocently on the bosom of the picture of the infamous DPer that the stolen Madonna CD once owned by Margaret Thatcher who sold rare CDs. Desert rats eat bugs. But only juicy ones.

Sun dried oven roasted corn fed specially bred long tailed peacocks are best with Hollandaise sauce for Noël. Noël is best shared with family and friends. Feathers will tickle your toes and make you want to dance like elephants tasting elf eggnog. Elston decided to give his dancing elephant friend a dozen lessons in tango technique. New Years generally occur notwithstanding Elston's habit of dropping his time machine into freezing ice cream soup. Pies, you know, are also made with these awful left-over rhinoceros, thus breaking the tradition of serving pied hedgehogs woven through with hot chilli peppers.

If you like hot foods, then there is firecracker style Pad thai that will knock your guts into four-dimensional hypersphere, but delicious! Best when used before the next trip to Brigadoon where Scots await garlicked haggis on wheat eggplant muffins soaked in Highland Park. Parking on Loch Colestrol without a permit, or a boat, or even a dinghy., is forbidden. Transgressors will be trolled, goblined, tolkiened, tickled with feathers from peacocks that cried "Léon" until they moulted. Weird linguists meanwhile like to deceive voluntary firemen by starting heated topic discussions regarding the searching for Nostratic, but Schrödinger's cat with characteristic of a very large galactic core imploded. The cold cat moulted. Weird Seems familiar! Al and his sinister sister went shopping madly for bargains at the nearby morgue where they found the remnants of New Year's resolutions, scattered shattered and flapping disconsolately in remembrance of moldy bulletin boards growing over and through Potomkin villages. Changing subject, Al said:" I'm continually harangued for my town-cryer's inappropriate instrument being paraded through the town square.

Well wrapped presents were carefully sent to pernickety war criminals who were delighted with their looking-glasses although what they could really use is a sand castle or several in quicksand. The looking-glasses, mentioned formerly, could not reflect triple images of Elston dancing. Rabbit holes being surveyed by girls being surveyed by gulls lead to unchartered depths of Carrollian high times. Windswept croquet-grounds velvety green were crowded with lemmings found on the ledge -slippery but safe for now, but come nightfall, when the dew settles might endanger our furry Friends.

Non-furry friends need no peridermal protection because they always wear a condom. The reason fish don't is that they don't have any "you know". Nobody knows what is going on at least those without a solid background in piscine anatomy. Greedy lawyers tend to lie about on beaches and dawdle with their negligible removable spinal cord. However, artists often find irridescent moonbeams cast over volcanic ranges thoroughly inspirational but consider the danger involved in looking through sulphur dioxide to see sensitive sockdolagers outweighs the need to think before expressing compassion for sockdolagers. These sockdolagers are more elusive than a greased eel! Still greased eels, once barbecued, taste like charred tyres on toast.

"A toast! To toast! ... The Queen!" But trepang on toast goes bang when prepared by pyrotechnists of which the Chinese happen to prefer saltpetre. However, Elston prefers pepper and mustard from Dijon over cheap chips shipped from the warehouses of Cheapos Inc., chearfully pausing Elston nibbled on two thouroughly dipped red hot rods of sliced and annealed limestone chips. Yummy stuffed bandersnatches frumiously fried adorned the running boards of his hot rod Buick, whilst baskets of deliciously looking, slightly radioactive smooth ripe pomegranates basked in the warmth of car exhaust. <sc>Chapter Two</sc>: Ellston appeared to be voting for Elton John the Republican methodist who crooned hymns like Elvis. Ellston actually wanted to spoil several little girls with presents of ribbons of pink silky satin to show them how mangrove warblers warble. Pink ribbons are the latest fetish of hungry natives who rummage anxiously in Elston's trunk hoping to hear warblers sing. However peanuts are less aggressive when macerated into peanut-butter.

Magic milkshakes with marshmallows don't habitually drink the same amount as green speckle-backed frogs. Brite things make amazing noises when gently stroked but beware the Jabberwock,, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch. Neologisms should mostly be applauded especially when obscure terms confuse the bureaucrats who work at infinitesimal speed or drink to excess. While drinking, a moose uses both mouth and fingernail clippers to cut notches into his left -over french-fried chicken wings which he hates eating. He likes being tickled behind the trans fats with a pink, satiny ostrich feather fan. Don't attempt to, without first looking both ways. However, do try not to split infinitives. Elston thought highly of whimsical grammarians that butcher spelink, sintacks, and grandma, but he shamelessly needed spiced yellow corn meal for breakfast.

Revolutionary newspapers that print crossword clues will be fuel for Elston's campaign to spread rumours about crossword creators. Interestingly, although vampire bats nest in women's hats, Dracula rests easy knowing trans-fats will not dilute virgin blood oranges' juice. Great expectations were printed after Gutenberg altered his method of making margaritas. Cocktails are for those dressed in black fur and tails, whereas wine is for laidback Californians, dedicated viticulturists, pink elephants, the French, avidly, and epicureans everywhere. Adhering to a sticky storyline is like gluing emeryboard to teflon cookware. Sleeping before breakfast is bad for nightclub owners who need a protein -free diet.

Skiing backwards while yodelling can be fun if hot coffee is provided as après-ski poultice pack. Tea drinking while lounging under a cherry tree is very congenial, provided you don't bite on your companion. Elston, however, often bit the neck s of giraffes whilst lovemaking. Tuesdays are painfully dull after Mondays. Mondays often occur weekly. Occasionally, however, "leap-week" commences and we have two.

Once upon a time the first twin cats played chess by starlight, one cheated by playing several moves while the cheated by loser was death. Chess pie is very tasty after you lick the frosting off pawns and rooks. Restarting in blizzards white as Pierrot's face in the commedia dell'arte can blind the best grandmasters. Elston in a fit of insane jealousy turned green. Green elephants attracted to other green veldt-dwelling pachyderms are extremely sensitive to purple mice. Tripping, Elston fell over a zebra with blue blood running down it's stripy legs. "Good gracious!", chocolate, bacon and eggs for din-din. Then again, why not? Although trumpeters annoy Elston, trombone players challenge him greatly as he lacks perfect pitch. Sometimes he plays the King Lear lead part in the highschool show "Cordelia!" he trumpets, pirouetting ears flailing, pink tutu swirling, while dancing it just depends.

"Silly Elston", teases Cordelia everytime she 's prompted, "You're so ... "vain you... funny thing". Cordelia asks, "Why is it with spicy gherkins, elephants trumpet all night?" Elston answers, "Louis Armstrong is the name of the first real trumpeter who wasn't afraid of playing to prancing pachyderms. Elephants love a decent jazz riff.

Living secretively as they are wont, The Socialty often find more drinkers as friends then friends do not find as much comfort in the wicked bottle. Bottled wickedness is the scorn of Elston's twin, who preaches and pontificates about the meaning of almost everything. Elston himself doesn't care. Butterflies dance on liquid helium but tend to snooze on and on, without regard to the ongoing evaporation, but Elston himself, tends to see pink elephants in milk. Chocolate milk.

Dairy foods often cause bizarre hallucinations when eaten with riding boots on. Leather footwear is notorious for causing memory lapses which led to the umm, thing ... ... you know, ... ... the whatchamacallit ... that...Uhh well ... stopped and then expired. Leather is also introduced to Lyrca wearers, who gleefully show their grandmothers how good leather can be, forgetting right stained and sew into leggings. Silk ruffly crinolines, best known for their long lasting popularity, should not be crushed or worn by the latest pink poodle's tattered coat. How did anyone possibly manage to wear these with a chartreuse muumuu? Once, I learned that this story was the only path to eternal damnation and then I fought back hoping if I could make martinis as well as I love alcoholic trifle then all would be covered in roses. Please excuse the mess. This place provides sanctuary for the unfortunate folks who think. Those who don't should refrain from reading further, because explicit words are difficult to grok without a dictionary. Dictionaries, however, can be too heavy for special reading purposes.

I rather like those really big hats worn at Ascot on heads of thoroughbred women with plenty of fruitcake and cheese. Nearby a catholic search party was looking for the winning ticket for yesteryear's holy cup which was announced on Chinese television. For centuries scientists had believed that it was Elvis Presley who never ever had died, but still haunted cheese shops searching for the best blue cheese. One day in a McCheese subsidiary a discovery was made- an enormous pink cheese covered with tiny ants running about. Suddenly a flash of lightning stroke hit a tree next to the elves' cave. The elves ran away fearing that the cave was too dark and spooky. It scared them so much, that they decided to light a match, oblivious of the open cans of highly flammable and explosive chemicals.

Ka-boom! Ka-bang! Sun light gradually penetrated through thick swarms of angry mosquitoes to reveal previously unsuspected African jungles. The elves furiously swatted mosquitos, disguised as fairies with red watery eyes. The jungle was unusually snowy by Tuesday, but it soon warmed up enough to swing on the vines poison oak. The monkey scratched incessantly. Its clogs were damp and slippery with tears. Sadly, he could only remember how not to Make toast.

His head throbbed. He tried to close his eyes, but the ants kept drumming and crawling on his sore butt. "OUCH," Said he, "Get me up above the melted marshmallows in the fire!" I hope it won't become too sticky when we dance tonight. Is it Friday yet? No, it is too early to start drinking. I start crying when everything seems you can do nothing while swimming laps. Unfortunately, yoeycpa did a dance with a striped giraffe in pink trousers, which was awkwardly down the sides of the boardwalk. Suddenly, a giant grasshopper came by and tickled the giraffe on the flank. The giraffe shrieked with laughter and pain.

The grasshopper longed for the day when his antennae would wrap around his mother's abdomen, but he never found her. He left the nest wondering why he was not green but instead was purple. Isn't life just like that? One day you're everybody's favorite purple grasshopper, but then you turn into somebody's worn out child hero. Such a shame that black ducks are misunderstood. Geoducks, however, are clearly labeled. They smell bad, unless you spray them with lavender deoderent. However, ducks will not shower us all with compliments.

The rabbit on the other hand, wanted to wear expensive Italian shoes. This was, however, hardly practicable, because long toenails wouldn't fit in an ankle-boot. Instead, fashionistas. something open -toed would simply be bumpy. Now is the time for bold and courageous decisions on how far to take this inflatable squirrel towards the swimming pool. OH NO, the squirrel shrieked. I have a most unusual condition, which pool water will cause to go screaming mad! Squirrels are not like not like little hairy doppelgängers, as once thought by unenlightened so called squirrelophiles. Nonetheless the experts all agree, most unusually, that they should be climbing trees but only when their birthdays are celebrated. Fireworks can be used, but only when all other means of illumination are strictly prohibited.

Such pretty aerial displays will divert police from checking their e-mail. If they did not already. Otherwise they would face the wrath of Khan. Slumbering peacefully, my pet dodo didn't notice the imminent extinction of marshmallows. Marshmallows, "reprieved" from their s'mores ending, quickly leapt into the infamous, demonic cataclysm swirling pot of Mulligatawny. Nobody but you can do Mulligatawny, like dear old James. He spent years developing his underwater tatting, sorry tattooing, while he drowned many customers. However, drowning customers might be better than leaving them disfigured and blinded. The afternoon started pleasantly enough, with a large, chocolate-coated ice-cream cake provided by the local bakers from nowhere, then suddenly all picnic ants began to dance. They did the most unusual Time Warp, with chickens galore, whisky flooding the hallways, and streets with no name.

Alice asked, "When will my cat learn to play the nose flute?" Ancient artefacts of fractured flint were recently discovered while sifting the silt which sat precariously on the longest circular sinkhole. This sensational synergy stupified social scientists annual party which occupied their entire attics. Typically the ghosts howled but remained hidden except when they decided someone was trying to tickle their wicked step-father's uncle's brother's toes. Toes of a very special, highly regarded rock-star have been preserved along with his long eyelashes and toe clippings in the museum of Famous Dead Characters, located beneath my château. Pomegranates make a bad fried breakfast, except when mixed with some porridge. Susan ate her's, mine, yours and became renowned for extreme flatulence. We laughed heartily at the incredulous expression on Jennifers face. One day, we went scuba diving along the shark infested coast of Chicago. Loans were taken in anticipation of the scuba divers loosing their spears at night. Casinos take very great umbrage at the possibility that card sharks may cheat the omniscient, yet disreputable casino. William Tell was in the creepy museum that featured secret staircases behind bookcases firing arrows at unsuspecting talking foxes who were sunbathing on the statue of St. John's wart, a monstrous carbuncle on the nose, posterior, and little, left hepatic portal vein. Magnificent in tartan, extraordinary in all weathers was the slithy tove's sense of impending dangers even though we all feel elliptically, dotty, and not a tad interested.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, writhing hordes are eating wriggly squid in cocktail dresses and radioactive, crystalline symmetrical beakers that glow. With sixty bottles of sarsaparilla, thirteen mischievous elves couldn't quite hold their enthusiasm and guzzled them but then elves are extremely thirsty after they've eaten salty chocolate. Without canine teeth, they must improvise or bribe someone when they go for salty food. They also feed pet hamsters to invisible beings without any donjon to incarcerate them. When the hamsters wiggle in Jell-o they enjoy covering themselves, oozing blood, with the used eider-down from mutant DP Proofers' fine pelts interwoven with ellipses, italics, Twizzlers, leeches, the dreaded frayed knot, DP Squirrels, and last night's party leftovers. Susan sells seashells certainly concealing her delectable jellied eels are actually molded turnips and Spam biogenetically crosslinked equals the monster from Mars. Ignoring your mother's obvious alcoholism and leaking ankles, you must seek stronger support. Mirror images on reflection turn back strange travelers when they become confused with mirages. Virtual reality, undoubtedly oxymoronic, is very indescribable. it seems real enough, but is not something you willingly pretend keeps you fed and voluptuous. If pink poodles are denied their undeniable food rations, time ceases.

This allows unappreciated sloths to multiply v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y without the benefit of a calculator. Why is multiplication rather divisional for complex fractions? Such questions are best escalated directly to the circular file of the Old Owl. (tootsie-pops) Massive protuberances can be avoided primarily by thinking in Russian. Arid conditions and yellow onions caused transgenic peaches to cry "We are the masters of The Fruit Salad!!!! All must vintners use monstrous, evil red grapes!" Those grapes, Susan thought, truly are extraordinarily exhausted, which seems odd because they always have no limit on coupon redemption that have severely impacted non-sales. Pickles, thought Susan, shouldn't be washed or sun bleached. That dog is sleeping floating, akimbo, on the side of this galaxy.

I jump, eyes closed, right into lime gelatin and splashed with all my might across the burnt orange, highly convoluted, slightly obtuse, long winded, chocolate addicted fat rabbit. Dark and also slightly stormy was the night, the maid screams when long ears poke out of her extraordinarily strange under wired general purpose litter box -flavored, seemingly very popular among the depraved and generally hopeless denizens of the bayou. The mysterious incident of mysterious origins, curious like secret mice eat pickles with all the cats but not without ketchup. Arrrrr, growled Susan. She started early, arrived late and had a terrific spaghetti dinner with barnicale-balls. Completely changing the complexion with her impressive leadership she broke the ice cream cake with doubloons Arrrr!

Weather forecasting is a dodgy science, so Susan, pet rock in hand, tromped outside to find some--any-- dry sea-weed (not that in another half hour the last mushroom will wither, she thought dessicatingly).

BANG went the water-gun, thrice, jeopardising the ears four times more than ducks quacking. Ducks don't meow, you believe, but ... you have to remember that even ducks bark sometimes, when the moon is over the edge of night. Blue whales play dominoes with coral, giggling and almost no chance for winning anything pink. If computers could taste cheesecake YOU could make them DANCE with wolves. But then the most jealous Hal9000 computers would squirm, nervously rearranging all their vacuum tubes into discordant songs of eucalyptus trees singing loudly.

I dizzily spun through the ceiling, removing the lightbulbs and their fittings assiduously. Only olive oil on orthodontists' car engines would make your teeth look comparatively attractive. Whales will never flip burgers (thumbless) but with their spouts they can give uniquely distinct roars. Now the blue whale has satin slippers with curly bits of bacon, but nobody likes all those sea soaked accoutrements. Words can resemble prunes or plums, it seems, but they don't necessarily have that essential rhythmic twist. Pounding drums, empty pockets: (aka 'no money'), panhandlers try the patients patience, although they are infectious themselves.

"Help!" cried the last Mohican. "I thought I could fly!"

He plummetted, large trampoline over there badly lit, then he suddenly soared under the romantic stars and over the moon.

Waking up, he watched the cat perusing the kitty websites via Google and many a mouse-ckick brought him where no self-respecting cat would dare or want for you to find the fish. Tuna would always be kind of unusual in between bricks or indeed elsewhere. Roses, lemons and liquorice allsorts neatly packed take up more shelf-space when fermentation is allowed than when sterilised by thermonuclear blast or milder effervescent tablets. Any self-respecting frog fancier hates to see the toads getting over-excited, because the television media always affect those with amphibious pretentions in every way.

Cop-shows, however, shoot live anemones at every opportunity; mean, merciless, polychromic anemones get revenge by squirting ultraviolet ink violently across the faces of tourists. Laughing maniacally with sausages around their ankles and sprigs of holly in between their gluteal muscles they grimaced as they planned their banquet. When Oliver Cromwell rode to his catamite in Chelsea he took seven detours to avoid the anemone.

"Ha!", cried the anemone, "you can't make a silk purse sing madrigals even with all those additional mouths." It burped. Twice. Then sneezed and extruded a silvery stream, puddling underneath Cromwell's horse which had passed out cold after lunch. Annette ran down the battery gun line with her skirts around her ankles, and consequently stumbled and somersaulted down and over a 20-pounder roast turkey with dumplings and veg onto which somebody had poured gravy. If only, the anemone thought, someone could remove my brain, it would improve my marriage prospects considerably. Why would you stick gunpowder in my cloaca when I thought I'm aimed at someone's favorite reindeer? The black black gloom of noon spelled doom so soon. "Poor lamb, caught by Gloomy Gus with a rubber duck wrapped around your brain.

Pineapple pizza, heavenly food, without which the entire State of Antarctica would collapse, because the nearest tree is too soft for any fruit to grow without ice. Now the reindeers are paranoid ravenous carnivores are after their antlers. Ants? Why sure-lers, they-lers sale whalers on eBay are nuts. What the alien really wanted was a hug and a hot bath with bubbles, scented candles, chocolates, loofa, bath salts, books and an anemone with orange spots. Now it recieved by fax three letters, of which not one was edible. Utterly disappointed, but tough, rough and sparkly, it ate them with salt and jalapenos ice cream, while reciting Paradise Lost.

Paradise Lost, Paradise Retrieved, (not Regained?), and other fun poems to cheer, or mumble Milton's morbid metaphores and yet this all goes pear shaped if apples don't fall where they should. Paradise can be a dreary ride if you have a horse, are colorblind, tone deaf, and are tasteless dudes. However, it helps if you have the gift of gab, his mother (that's Mary) and Grandpa (that's Harry) in tow. Long ago, when words were expensive, especially italics the wordnappers stole "onomatopoeia" (while oinking) and "serendipity" unfortunately losing "gullability" along with "dystopia" through a chance reading under fire with lorgnettes.

Why would any rightminded pelican stuffer make lozenges from gnarled gnats and groundhogs when everyone has access to helpful penguins with pigtails? Oh, the humanity! But Zepplins were never intended for breeding, at least horticulturally. Gardens, gardens, gardens and trees --Tenaj's passion-- --especially horse-chestnuts-- grow along horse trails overhead horse-tails, without prejudice. Even though hot, buttered ferrets and reassembled teleportation transcievers require twenty-four volt gazebos, anyone selling seashells by the pond could with luck and 24V deliver quite a haircut.

Anyway, getting marsupial pouches installed sideways is easy but try upside down on a jackhammer, that is unbelievably furry and excites your taste buds to no small extent. J. Peasmould-Gruntphottuck, continually harassed by the dwarves who tied their shoes with his hair and wiped the hair across their eyebrows, as if they were going to castigate flying pigs. "Never!" said the dwarf while swimming in the pond with a rubber duck tied to his rear end. PIG? Flying? What on earth could cause that? Have you ever seen springs attached paranormally? Anyone, please ... anyone?

Watch for loose change falling from cloud speckled umbrellas, if you happen to jump in a frozen pond when everyone else has slept in. Sleeping in the middle of the afternoon while baking a cake, Susie dreams about screaming whales in the cake's frosting. Waking abruptly with a shriek, she didn't quite project properly, so it sounded more like a bleat. Her body shook like a leaf in a gale.

"Oh, no!" she gasped. "Why did he forget I need to know how to do the dog paddle?!? She wasn't fully awake. She'd never had to get up and do without a man before. Poor thing! Each time she went to the post office to get a stamp she slipped on a hamburger wrapper.

"Ouch," she cried, gingerly massaging her lower teeth, "Where is it said that your face must fall first? I propose a warning to carnivores facing veganism, slough not lest ye find that an aardvark beats you to the END.

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