User talk:TheEileen/Jan 2010
January 2010
27 Jan 2010
Updated the list and wiki. One moved between rounds, two posted. Have actually been able to do some board business, feel good about that.
Weather still clearish but then cooler. According to my friend, the weather people say this is the warmest January in years. I can deal with that. I managed to go the more normal period between periods this time (as opposed to Nov/Dec which was 4 times in 10 weeks which is just TOO FREAKING OFTEN - stupid peri-menopause. Unfortunately, I then had acid reflux and a FANtastically upset stomach for three days. I was to spend time with a friend over the weekend. She came to my place to do fiberwork, and this time we were supposed to go to her house. She has looms and a spinning wheel! I was bummed that I just felt too sick to go. We are trying again this weekend. Next weekend is my other non-profits board meeting. Then I want to do tea with another friend. And another friend wants to go to this fancy place for dinner. Everyone wants to do something on the weekend. And I have a DP board thing I have to arrange for a weekend also. Hmmm. :grin: social life is wonderful but tricky to juggle. Especially since I really need at least one day every weekend to be by myself to recharge.
So - I had a mouse! sneak in and eat my chocolate truffles (but not touch anything else like the tomatoes or crackers!) The pest control guy (from the association yay!) found the likely mouse hole and I filled it up with that expanding foam stuff. My downstairs toilet leaked and luckily it turned out to be a minor one around those screw things in the tank and not as I gloomily suspected the wax seal leading to new floorboards. Nope, just a quick fix in the tank and the floor is drying out and that won't be $$. And the Home Owner's Association is fixing the broken fence between me and my neighbor that they originally said we had to pay for but finally said "oh, that part of the fence, we call that the privacy screen, that we pay for" yay!
I got my last quote on the bathroom remodel and will be choosing the one nice man who came to my house. No subcontracting, just him. I hope to arrange time near my birthday for time off to get this done. I still am not getting everything, but I am getting to many things. I still feel generally okay emotionally. Work is the same but I don't feel consciously stressed. I'm keeping balanced and my boundaries clear. Gotta keep THAT up!
20 Jan 2010
I updated the list and wiki today. Several moves between rounds and three posted projects. Huzzah. By the way, I keep typing 1010 rather than 2010. Hee.
Weather clearer and a little warmer. Upper 40s and low 50s. I slept like a log after yesterday's acupuncture again, part of the reason I was too tired to do the update yesterday. I actually went to bed early (and may do so again today). Stress levels at work the same (if consciously a little lower). Annoying dude at work has now managed to so effectively (I believe) allow management to document his complete lack of doing his job (which he naturally blames on me for pointing this out, as his team lead, to our boss) (rolls eyes) that disciplinary action may manage to occur. Naturally, I am at fault for point out his flaws, not for him for not doing his job. He then made some wild accusations to a number of people about me, blaming me for many of his issues which these are people disinclined to believe him in the first place AND who are generally friends/good work acquaintances of mine. I am literally the one person you do not accuse of "sitting around doing nothing" since everyone I know has the correct perception that I am run off my feet with work. I can be standing in line at the canteen (cafeteria?) and have six people come up to me and ask questions, ask for advice, request a response or function processed. And I will usually have done anything I promised those people within the hour. While I'm eating my lunch. And since they all cluster around me waiting their turn (sigh I wish I was joking or exaggerating), they all know who else has asked for what ... I am not tooting my own horn, I have that personal perception of "but I could be doing more ..." but I get constant feedback that I do more than anyone else in this position, I can answer almost every question off the top of my head, and if I say "I'll get that done" I get it done. He cannot seem to reference reality or realize that he is shooting himself in the foot when he does things like this. He is, at the moment, becoming laughable to me.
Referring to some stuff I said in December posts about being so frustrated ... possibly due to having the "break" of being sick (and thus off work) and also due to my being gone the guy who annoyed was stuck dealing with many things face-to-face that led to the above documenting his not working to his boss ... and maybe even because I just said "out loud" that I can leave this job if I need to/ want to ... I have no desire or need to do so right now. In addition, I had two separate people in charge tell me that they understood and AGREED that I did not have to rescue the guy from his incompetence just to "save" the facility. That they recognized that was what I had been doing !!! many times in the past and that I didn't have to "kill myself" keeping all the balls in the air by doing all the work. While not actually helping me reduce the number of balls, just having them recognize and speak the boundaries like that made me feel much less responsible for everything all by myself.
And it does relate a little to my reference to something my therapist goes on about with work. My therapist is of course most concerned with my mental health. But we butt heads over the fact that she often wants me to express my emotions and feelings in away I deem unprofessional in the professional setting. We've basically debated that (as a truly random example) if your boss, say, annoys you by assigning work in a particular fashion, you should tell you boss that, says my therapist. You should use all that emotionally honest language as if you were in, I say, a personal relationship.
But I say that you do not tell your boss "When you assign me tasks without giving me time to complete them, I feel annoyed and angry with you. I feel you don't care about me or my time.". Well, duh. He's your boss, he very likely doesn't care about your feelings or your time. When my annoying dude says to me "I don't like that work so I don't want to do it." I perceive this as bizarre that an adult in a workplace would think "I don't want to" as sufficient reason to not do the work assigned. My therapist agrees but when I point out that this, to me, is what she wants me to do, she can't quite see it but neither can she explain it in a way that doesn't sound like, "oh just tell everyone exactly how you feel all the time as you feel it. I'm sure that won't affect your working relationship AT ALL." (sarcasm mine). BUT, and to me the interesting part, since I do NOT care about my working relationship with annoying dude, I find I can actually be blunt and be more honest about my emotions with him. Generally in the "Yeah, I don't care if you like it or not, do the job." area which I felt guilty about before.
I also find it amusing and have to point out occasionally that my entire work life and home life is not terrible but as my therapist helping me not be depressed, amazingly I speak to her generally of what I do NOT like in my life for ways to resolve it. Who goes to a therapist saying all the wonderful things that are keeping you mentally healthy? You go to talk about the bad stuff! So, she often makes comments about I have to make some big change since it is all so horrible and I have to remind her, I'm not talking about the sixteen good days I had, just this one crappy one. It is mostly amusing but occasionally annoying that I have to say "okay, let me talk about the lovely stuff, will that help balance?" (feels like a waste of the fee though - I can talk to anyone about the good stuff. The bad stuff often is tricky and I don't trust just anyone with it).
15 Jan 2010
I was able to update the wiki today. Even yesterday when I tried it all moved so slowly I was ready to scream. So I did it today.
12 Jan 2010
Updated list which took nearly an hour due to some massive slowdown on the site. I can't see anything mentioned in the forums, if I can even get THEM opened. I had no energy or time to go to jabber, although I thought about it! But I couldn't even get the wiki to load. So not updated there. I still haven't done the Ibsen instructions.
I know why too. It's all work. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Unfortunately for me, too much of what I now do at work is exactly like what I did/do for DP. What once was fun at DP is now just like work. It hits all the same buttons and stresses me in the same way. I am very unhappy about it as it is a struggle now to get on DP and do anything. Even reading the forums feels like work because I get questions about "did you see this on the boards and what should we be doing about it" on the Board of Directors. At work I have to keep up with over 150 messages a day, AND do my regular work besides. At DP, I "have" to keep up with 200 posts a day. I am simply too overwhelmed. So, I don't do anything.
I think I want to and as soon as I open the site, I think "ugh - I just did this ALL WEEK" and I go and read a book or do needlework or play card games. Anything that isn't this. Dang it.
As stated, I got my annual cold last week. Dusty sore throat, stuffy head, inability to sleep. I got some muscle aches but that had more to do with sitting like a lump on the couch and not moving. It lasted the typical 10 days but I was so extremely fatigued I ended up taking four days off from work. It hit me on Tuesday, the 4th. I stayed home Wed, Thu, Fri and then Monday. I saw my acupuncturist on today (and last Tuesday also - where I noticed the sudden onset - I thought - of gunk in my head due to be face down for 45 minutes). She did some stuff to help the congestion and help me sleep. It sure worked for the congestion. Update: I was in bed early and had a good night's sleep also. Yay!.
The weather has been cold and rainy, although kindly enough it was sunny and clear on Thu & Fri of last week, allowing me to sit in the sun and do some needlework quietly while feeling sick but not too sick. Actually, I thought by Saturday that I was mostly over it and then Sunday I got the symptom of becoming extremely sick to my stomach whenever I ate anything (meaning, two bits of plain mashed potatoes and extreme pain in tummy). I was starving Sat and Sun but by Monday was all 'whatever'. It was Tuesday before I could really eat again.
Due to waiting on one guy, I still haven't got the bathroom stuff done. He said he'd send by this week, he'd been sick and then I got sick. I like that he's cheaper, but it weirds me out that he's that much cheaper. But he came over and seemed nice, although the cigarette smell clings to him. I checked and he's bonded, licensed, and insured. It looks like I will go with him, double-checking his guarantees (such as the fact that he has to move the toilet and put it back and that always makes me nervous).
04 Jan 2010
I had my first of the year cold so no energy to do anything. No update to list. No update to wiki.
And now back to Eileen's Talk