User talk:TheEileen/Apr 2010
April 2010
27 Apr 2010
Updated list and wiki. Three projects moved. None posted. No work on DP, but I did finally manage to do the work on the Library Guild (you know, the other non-profit I'm on, one of the three) website and social networking. Image, logo, quote, info, links. Gah.
I'm tired, but have been pretty consistent about yoga because I'm linking it to sleeping. I do my yoga, I can sleep. I did my weights and concentrated this weekend on doing normal things, chores and catch up. I only had to do three things on Saturday and I was done by 10am. Then I was free but by then (good, I got myself) I was in the zone of doing things and so took care of several other. On Sunday I really did do only a few things but sat and read and did needlework in the sun. De-stess. I was in total tick-tock mode by week's end with all the "I need this, Eileen".
Weather is beautiful with the occasional cold spell but generally typically spring. Sunny then rainy. cold then mild. Mostly beautiful and the rain comes down just enough, my allergies aren't acting up that badly. Will try to stay more on track.
I forgot to mention that my handyman came by, I arranged right after the audit and he found that my toilet was NOT leaking. Which was great. He sat and listened and fiddled and listed for 5-10 minutes and thinks it is more likely internal to the tank issue. We both listened for several more minutes and he explained what I would be hearing if my wax ring was broken and this ... not it. So, since it was a bare 15 minutes in, I had him put on a new low-flow shower head that has been needing to be put on the 2nd bathroom for, um, blush, two years, and then had him caulk my sliding glass door frame and he refused to charge me the full hour fee since his total time in was about 22 minutes. Instead, since he put it on my "tab". I see now that I just need to be firm. "Can I switch to Monday" equals - no. Sorry. And then all is good.
20 Apr 2010
Didn't update anything. Too tired to do much beyond slump and play games which required no brains. So much work to do from the audit and to prepare for the next audit and everyone is looking at me. I'm having a real struggle to say "this is your job".
13 Apr 2010
I updated the list and about 3/4 of the wiki (minus the posted projects). LOTS of movement. On the order of 20 projects moving around and six posted. Huzzah! I've done some L'eclarissement and some Am Miss and some feedback. I even read a forum or two. My problems now with this are that I spend almost 60% of my day answering questions now and that energy is all used up by the time I get to the forums. My edges are fuzzy so it feels like pressure again to DO SOMEthing about what I'm reading.
Health vaguely okay. I'm having some definite perimenopausal things happening. Nothing as bad as some people I hear from and about but annoying all the same. Although the weather has been much nicer and typical spring: sunny, rainy, warm, cold, lather, rinse, repeat... the allergies haven't gone too crazy yet. I had heartburn at 1am on the 13th (or I suppose early the 14th) which means I'm exhausted now (which is the 14th when I finished updating the wiki with the posted) so naturally, starting around 6pm I could tell I was going to get heartburn again. Took tagament which appears to have delayed it until 9:30pm. Too tired to stay awake much longer but in too much pain to lie down. Sigh. Therapist and I agree that this is likely stress related.
As the auditors are here. Generally they are not finding anything we didn't know already and have given some good tips and help. They are here to prepare us for the IG visit in May (two weeks). Then I have another trip in June. Then another audit visit in August. Then another in October. Yes. You US people - your tax dollars at work because do you think this means I have much time to do my ACTUAL job rather than prepare documents for visitors and then deal with the tons of things they say we should do but can't find the time because now we are preparing for the next visit. I am very much NOT looking forward to the rest of this year at work. A lot of the identified problems are things I have no control over and have pointed out myself but one person on this current team keeps pulling this "well, why isn't it fixed if you knew about it then" and when I point out that I did my part am informed that this isn't good enough and that I must "make my boss do his job" and "make the facility do what they are supposed to" which isn't my job or my responsibility and so that is bothering me two ways. The unfairness and the trigger in me that is "yes, you must take care of this cuz you are a FAILURE if you don't" . by the way? Thanks for that mom, totally my mom's thing. All responsibility in the world was mine. Whatever she didn't like about the world, it was my fault and my job to fix. So, this is doubly knocking me down. Darn her. Boundaries, eileen, boundaries. After hearing that she was equally unfair to some other people, I actually felt better since I can more easily get to "this is her problem, not mine".
So tired. Wish I could go to sleep. Oh wells.
06 Apr 2010
Too tired again. This day I actually went to sleep at like 7pm. My sleep cycle is all over the place, and I can see aspects of my depression surfacing again. Worked with my therapist to keep my boundaries clear and then had one good thing which was my finally being very clear with her that her way of expressing, I can only hope, her sympathy with my agitation and such was that she would verbalize her displeasure AT me, which reads to me as if *I* am supposed to fix the very problem I am complaining about because I can't fix it. She tends to get agitated (on my behalf) but when she expresses it, she's expressing it by saying "this is unacceptable. it should be corrected. why isn't your boss doing something? why is this person doing thus-and-such?" which is a trigger for me. I hate that sort of "why is this person you are complaining about doing that?" because it forces me into either analytical mode where now I have to explain this person to you so I have to put my head in that person's space to figure it out (and makes me their apologist) OR I hear it as a "why are you allowing this, YOU must fix this situation" putting all the responsibility on me.
And now back to Eileen's Talk