// ppgen source latroon-src.txt
// 20141213133949kirkman
// first edit: 01-jan-2016
.dt The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon.: Part II, by Richard Head
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// Begin Poetry
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// End Poetry
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.ti -2
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Transcriber’s Note
.if t
This version of the text cannot represent certain typographical
effects. Italics are delimited with the ‘_’ character as _italic_.
.if-
Every attention was paid to retaining the spelling and punctuation
of the original, with a few exceptions, noted below.
However, the text as printed employed the long ‘s’ (‘ſ’), which has been
rendered here as a modern ‘s’. On occasion, obvious printer’s errors
have been modified, e.g. the repetition of words or syllables at
line breaks.
Please see the transcriber’s #note:endnote# at the end of this
text for details regarding the handling of any textual issues
encountered during its preparation.
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The cover image has been fabricated and is placed in the public domain.
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.nf c
THE
English Rogue:
CONTINUED
IN THE
LIFE
OF
MERITON LATROON,
And other Extravagants.
COMPREHENDING THE
MOST EMINENT CHEATS
OF
Most Trades and Professions.
.nf-
.pm start_poem
Read, but do'nt Practice: for the Author findes,
They which live Honest have most quiet mindes.
.pm end_poem
.hr 90%
.ce
The Second Part.
.hr 90%
.ce
Licensed Feb. 22. 1668.
.hr 90%
.nf c
London, Printed for Francis Kirkman, and are to be
sold at his Shop over against the Custome-House,
in Thames-Street, 1671.
.nf-
.bn 002.png
.bn 003.png
.pn i
.h2
The Epistle | DEDICATORY | TO THE | BOOK-SELLERS |OF |LONDON.
Gentlemen,
It hath been one of the greatest Errors in
most Authors to think by their high Dedications
to advance their Books, when as on
the contrary, I have known some of the better
sort of Books (though Dedicated to Worshipful,
Honorable, Illustrious, and Reverend
Patrons; nay and sometimes to Majesty
it self) instead of being preferred in Book-sellers
shops (and according to their merit
bound in Turky or Murrey Leather gilt, and
richly adorned) only to be found in loose
.bn 004.png
.pn +1
sheets at Cooks and Tobacco-shops, disposed
under greasie Pies, to stop Mustard-pots, and
to wrap up Mundungoes Tobacco, or at best
(after more cost than was intended by the
Author in damasking and figuring it) used
in Truncks and Hat-cases: and all this hath
happened because there was not a fit choice of
a power full Book-seller, which out of profit
and interest might prefer and advance the
same.
Now that I might not run into the same
Error, and have the like misfortune, being
very well acquainted how much prejudice or
profit I may receive in your stifling and
slighting, or preferring and advancing this
Piece, and I (being desirous that it should sell,
for to that end in part was it written and
Printed) therefore make choice of you for my
Patrons and Protectors.
Gentlemen, I hope what hath been particularly
written in this Book of your Trade,
will not be offensive to you in general, neither
that any particular Person will be offended,
unless such as are guilty; and for their sakes
it was written, that they may see their vicious
enormities, and amend them.
Though all these misdemeanors are charged
upon the score of one man, as being acted
by one; yet i’le assure you I know not any one
person guilty of all, though it is possible that
.bn 005.png
.pn +1
they are all true, or else our Extravagant
(who recounts his story) gives misinformation:
and I for my own part have so much
Charity to believe, that there are several of
your Trade honest-men, and not at all guilty
of any thing here Charged on our Extravagants
Master: To those I suppose, I rather
do a kindness than a prejudice in unfolding
the Mysterious Knaveries of the Trade, and
in requital I hope they will be my Protectors,
in preferring this Piece, not only to their Customers
in London, but to their Chapmen in
the Countrey, and thereby save me the trouble
of it: And as for those who being conscious
of their own guilt, are offended with
what is here written, and out of revenge will
refuse to protect or sell this Piece, I am well
enough satisfied, and by their refusal or slighting,
both I and the Book-buyer shall by their
anger conclude their guilt.
And Gentlemen, it is very well known to
you, that the first part of this book hath (notwithstanding
many oppositions) done its business,
being generally liked and approved of;
and I am told (by the ingenious) that this
will not come short of the former in pleasure,
and exceed it in profit: and therefore I doubt
not of the sale, and I hope it will be so far
from staining your Reputations, that on the
contrary, you may reap credit; besides, as you
.bn 006.png
.pn +1
may gain credit, so you will have profit by the
sale, and that I know will be a very great inducement
to you.
For both which causes I hope you will not
refuse me your assistance, which I know may
be powerful; and I shall for the future discourse
your civilities, and at present subscribe
myself
.ll 68
.rj
Your friend and Servant,
.ll
.rj
Fra. Kirkman.
.bn 007.png
.pn +1
.pb
.if h
.il fn=i_b_060.jpg w=500px ew=90%
.if-
.if t
.hr 90%
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.sp 4
.h2
The Preface to the Reader.
.ti 2
GENTLEMEN,
The First Part of this Book being so generally
well received, I was induced to procure
it to be prosecuted in a second; and to
that end I often solicited the Author to proceed
according to his promise; but he was deterred
for several reasons, the most prevalent whereof he
told me was this, That he had reaped a great deal
of ignominy by writing of that; for many people
were so ignorant, as to believe that it was a true
and exact account of the Authors life; especially
after they had upon acquaintance or inquiry
found that he was indeed guilty of some petty
waggeries which are therein recited; and therefore
concluding him guilty of the whole, lookt
on him as a dangerous person, and shunned and
avoided his company, lest they should be damaged
thereby, or at leastwise scandalized;
others gazing on him at a distance with the eyes
of wonder.
Now let me tell you that though I was
.bn 008.png
.pn +1
wholly a stranger to the Author, when he writ
that Book, yet I have been since so well acquainted
with him, that I can directly clear him
from the guilt of most of those enormities contained
therein. For in the first place, it is sufficiently
known to me, and many persons more,
that he was never upon the Padd: for I am
confident he was never guilty of so base a valour,
as either to Rob a house, or bid a man stand on
the Road. Next as to the Cheats, especially
those in Gaming; though he professes so much
knowledge therein, in his Book; yet I am sure
of this, (let him be never so well acquainted in
the Theory) that he is ignorant in the practical
part thereof, having been the cheated, not the
Cheater, of a good round sum of mony, which
he lost at Dice in my presence, and to my prejudice;
and I believe, that although (what he
did write in the first part of the Book, Chapter
25. about his loss at Dice;) that might be in
jest, yet now he might say in earnest. The
Lines are these,
.pm start_poem
I thought my self secure, for I could top,
By which I've forc’d some Citt’s to leave their shop.
I palm’d, and put the change upon them too,
I only studied how I might undo.
.bn 009.png
.pn +1
But now I'm met with, 'tis but just I see,
That he which others cheats should cheated be.
.pm end_poem
He being clear of these two crimes, Thieving
and Cheating (which are the most Capital,) I
know not why he should be avoided for any
other, though we suppose him guilty of many
female frauds, his inclination leading him to be
a lover (though Mercurial and unconstant) of
the Female sex; with whom I suppose he may
have acted some of the adventures by him recited,
and those passages, with what others he
thought or heard of: and whereof many persons
in this our age are guilty, he having methodiz’d,
is the main part of his Book; and the intent of
his writing, it was to shew the deformity of vice,
that every one might shun it. The two lines
which he placed on the Title page of many of
his Books, sufficiently demonstrating the Authors
intent. The words are these,
.pm start_poem
Read, but don't practice: since the Author finds
They which live honest, have most quiet minds.
.pm end_poem
Thus, although the intent of his writing was
good, and the effects proved answerable in the
sale of the Book, yet could I not procure him
to proceed, though I offered him my assistance,
in acquainting him with my experience; but all
.bn 010.png
.pn +1
would not do: Wherefore I applyed my self to
another, a brother of the same trade; a professed
Author, and one who hath been happy
enough in the sale of many of his writings;
him I courted into a complyance with my desire,
and perswaded to begin to write somewhat to
the purpose; I proposing only to him to give
an account of the knavery of many trades and
professions. I gave him my best instructions,
and laid my ground-work well enough, as I hoped
to have him proceed: But so soon as he knew
my intention of making his writing a part of (by
joyning it to) The Rogue, with some anger he
left it, and refused to proceed.
He having thus laid down the Cudgels, I then
took them up my self, and those loose scribled
papers which I had written for his instruction to
proceed upon, I viewed over, and after some
small correction they serve for the greatest part
of this Treatise.
In what I have written; I begin first with
my self (as we all ought to do when we intend
to amend,) and give an account of the greatest
Knaveries which I know, or can at present call
to mind, there are or have been committed in
two trades; the one a Scrivener, in which I was
bred, and the other a Book-seller, in which I
.bn 011.png
.pn +1
have been now above twelve years, on and off,
a professed Practitioner. When I was a child I
was intended to be a Church-man in profession,
as well as name; but the time proving unhappy,
and no encouragement for that profession, and
my Father aiming at some imployment that
might be profitable, and knowing the trade of a
Scrivener to be so, was for that cause enduced to
place me with a Master of that quality, (though
my inclination led me rather to the Book-selling
Employ.) Being thus placed out, I not only endeavoured
to learn my calling; but also at all
spare times plyed my Book; and though I had
a very great employment under my Master, yet
I made a shift not only to read much, and learn
the French and other Languages, but to write
somewhat for the Press. And now I am speaking
of my Master (in regard in part of this
Book, I give an account of the Knaveries of the
Scriveners trade) it will be convenient to say
somewhat to clear him from any guilt therein,
or else it may be supposed that I mean him:
But they that think so are much mistaken, for
he then was, and still is a solid, honest, sober
Citizen; and not in the least as I know of, guilty
.bn 012.png
.pn +1
of any misdemeanour in his practice: and it was
my folly, and not his fault to leave him: for
after about five years service with him, I went
to another, and from thence forward it was that
I gained the first experience of the Knavery of
that profession; and since then, not only by
keeping company with some of them, but also
by my own experience and practice, (though not
as the Cheater, but Cheated,) I can truly write a
Probatum est to what I have written of that
Profession, and if occasion were, give a Clavis or
Key, to discover most, if not all of those several
pieces of Knavery I have here discoursed of: And
thus much for the Scrivener.
And as for the Book-sellers trade, my inclination
leading me to it very much, I did about
twelve years ago publickly profess it, in keeping
a Shop, wherein I used as well the Bookselling,
as the Scriveners quality; but having knaves to
deal with, of whom I bought some part of my
ware, I soon left off the Bookselling trade, only
keeping to the other; in which I sufficiently
profited my self; And I defie all the world to
charge me with any Knavery in the whole course
of my practice; which during the time of great
.bn 013.png
.pn +1
buildings at the East part of London, (where I
dwelt) I gained much; but that ceasing, and the
tide of employment ebbing at the East part, I
thought it would be convenient to remove West-ward,
especially, his Majesty being then happily
and gloriously returned, and fixed at that end of
the Town. And therefore taking a house and
shop, that I might have two strings to my Bow,
I again professed both Trades, of a Scrivener and
Bookseller. I now thought my self wise enough
to deal with the Booksellers; but I soon found
my self deceived, to my cost, for I was drawn in
by some of that profession to be concern’d in
printing of Play-books; in which, I having skill,
and much affection to the matter, willingly engaged.
I, for my part, only printed three, which
were my own proper Copies; and they, (though
I dissuaded them there-from) made choice of the
best Playes then extant; though the Copies were
other mens, I thought this criminal, but they
made a tush at it.
The owner of the Copies hearing of this
wrong done to them, gained a Warrant to seize
them: My Partners secured theirs, and one of
them had so much cunning Knavery as to come
to me, and sell me his share, and within a day or
.bn 014.png
.pn +1
two after delivery, directed the Officers (who
had warrant to seize) to my house, where they
at once took from me 1400 Play-books; the
value whereof is easily computed to be considerable.
This happening in time of much business (for
my Mother was then lately dead, and my Father
dying) I could not look after the recovery of my
books, which I heard were divided, and I never
to this day had satisfaction of one or other. My
Father soon after dying, and leaving me a plentifull
estate, I resolved to quit all Trading in general,
retire into the Country, and lead a Contemplative
life; (for indeed I never had a love
for any Trade, hating the business in general,
and only used them for a livelyhood). I
having thus given out, had several offers from
Book-sellers to buy my books (which were of a
considerable value, being valued at some hundreds
of pounds;) He who had so lately Cheated
me, did amongst others desire to havè them, and
did ingeniously confess the trick he had lately
put upon me: and this his ingenious confession
he made as an argument for me to trust him
with the rest of my Books: Though I should
have made this use of his confession, not to deal
.bn 015.png
.pn +1
with him further, yet he promising all honesty
for the future, I again agreed to trust him with
my whole Stock, and thereby did I agree to
cheat my self; for though it was his fault to
cheat me the first time, yet now it was only
mine, to let him do it after so fair a knowledge
as he did; for though he lived some years after
that, yet I could never get any considerable returns
for my Stock of Books, and he in the late
great Contagion dying, was considerably indebted
to me, and I hoping to get what he owed me,
ventured to possess my self of his Estate, and
pay several Debts which he owed to others:
but they proved so many, and his Estate so
small, that I was worse than I was before; and
this gave me so sensible a squeeze that I yet am
sensible of.
And this is the only occasion that hath again
made me engage my self in the Book-selling
employment: which although I have now used
above twelve years, and in that time laid out
several hundreds of pounds in Printing, yet I was
never engaged in printing any Book that was
another mans Propriety, except when I was drawn
in by the three Booksellers, and as I have already
told you, and which was so much to my loss:
And as for my Trading in the Scriveners employment,
.bn 016.png
.pn +1
where it is usual for most of that
Trade to keep the best bargains of Lands and
Houses for themselves, and put off the worst to
their Customers, I have not done so, but it hath
been my unhappiness to have the worst bargains
of houses of any, which I still keep: and though
they did cost me many hundreds of pounds, yet
they are rather a trouble, than any addition to the
rest of my estate. And if I was ever guilty of
dealing hardly with, or griping any of my Clients
when I was a publick practitioner, (as I cannot
remember any such action,) I am sure I have
been (since I left the publick Profession of a
Scrivener) worse served by some of that quality,
with whom I have had some particular dealing.
I have given you this account of my transactions,
to acquaint you how Roguishly I have been
dealt with, and that I am (and must needs be,
out of all these experiences) able to give you a
considerable account of the greatest Knaveries
and Cheats of these two Trades. And what hath
cost me so dear, I here (for publick good) present
to you for a small price; for I’le assure you, I
have oftentimes had a Fee given me for my
Advice in one of these many Cases were opened
by the Scrivener, and that part of this Book (if
.bn 017.png
.pn +1
well considered and understood) may and will be
of very great use and consequence to any person
who hath any converse in the world. Besides
the Knaveries and Cheats of these two Trades,
you have those of several others, as a Barber-chyrurgeon,
a Tapster, a Cook, a Lock-smith, Taylor,
Baker, Plaisterer, Drugster, and many others;
and in pourtraying of them I have not affected
words but matter, I have written as I would have
spoken, and as much in little as possibly I could.
Here is that which (I hope) will please all humours,
both the frollick and the serious, nay
some of the factious too will buy this Part as well
as the first; and to make that out, I’le tell you a
late, but true story.
The Author of the first Part being with a
Friend at an Ale-house, drinking at a publick fire
(there being also at the same time two Crop-ear’d
fellows) he accidentally was talking about the
Book, and relating to his Friend the trouble he
under-went at the first publishing thereof, by reason
it was not then licensed. Yes, said his Friend,
I remember that some of the Clergy were very
much offended, and you as well as the Printers,
were like to have suffered Imprisonment. Why,
what was the matter; said one of these fellows,
what were the Bishops troubled at it? Yes, said
.bn 018.png
.pn +1
the Author, I was forced to absent my self for
some dayes, till the heat of the matter was over:
having said thus, he left the room at present, and
the two men taking the opportunity of his absence,
enquired of his Friend what he was, and
what was the reason of the Bishops anger? To
this his Friend replyed, that the Author was a
very honest man, (which they in their terms interpret
Fanatick) and that all the reason of the
trouble was, because it was not Licensed. Well,
said one of them, can he help me to some of them?
Yes, said his Friend: and by this time the Author
being returned, he was acquainted by his
Friend with the request of the two strangers, and
they likewise again desiring of it, he furnished
them at present with a dozen, for which he had
a greater price than usual, and then they desired
to have more to give to their friends, thinking to
have found some Fanatick Doctrine: so eager
are these sort of people to buy any thing that is
unlicensed, following the Proverb, that stolen meat
is sweetest: But I believe they were not very well
pleased when they, or their Fanatick brethren (to
whom they presented them) had perused them:
but it is possible that (though they were mistaken
in the main) yet they might be well enough
pleased in the private reading, and that as in a
.bn 019.png
.pn +1
Looking-glass they might see some of those crimes
lively represented, whereof they had been guilty.
Thus I say this Book hath been bought up by
all sorts of people, and I my self at the first publishing
the first Part, presented one of them to an
Acquaintance of mine, who (I believe) had been
knavish enough, and a Preacher of several perswasions,
he read it over, and at my next sight
of him I asked him his opinion of it? Truly, said
he, there are many various Cheats and Rogueries,
but if the Author had my experience and
practice, he might write a Book ten times bigger,
and more full of brave Cheats, and considerable
Rogueries, things worth attempting, whereas
these are but foolish and idle, and for the most
part unprofitable. I who was partly acquainted
with many passages of his life, knew he spake
true then, and have here in this second Part had
a touch at him, but far short of what I know of
him, it not being convenient to tell truth at all
times. I have likewise met with several other
adventurers and transactions in the world, where
I (through the frankness and easiness of my nature)
have still come off the abused party; part
of which I have here sprinkled up and down, and
the rest I reserve till more time and conveniency
to publish among other things in a third Part.
.bn 020.png
.pn +1
And this Book though (by reason of the extraordinariness
of some passages) it may seem a Romance,
yet I’le assure ye there is nothing but the
truth, naked as she ought to be, in plain colours;
for like the first Draught of a Painter, I have
only laid on the dead colours without any flourishes,
varnishes, or adornments; and though that
be the first, yet it is commonly the greatest piece
of Art, and seldom mended or altered, but spoiled:
and so in my writing of this, I have not varied
in any thing from my first thoughts, which have
been swift and full of matter, and therefore need
not in so plain a case any embellishments, so that
here you shall hardly meet with a piece of Poetry,
and that which is, is just to the matter, not
sorted or strained, but natural and free; neither
have I borrowed any Sentences out of any Authors,
to embellish and add lustre to my writing:
what I have done, (and that is but little) I will
tell you of.
And now I have told you in general what
you are to expect, I will likewise give you
a short account of my particular method, and so
conclude. First, the Author of the first Part
having left his Rogue a married man, and an Inhabitant
in the East-Indies, I was obliged to lay
.bn 021.png
.pn +1
my Scene there, and go thither to find him, where
I give an account not only of his manner of living,
and how he spent his time there, but also of
the Government, Manners, and Customs, both
Ecclesiastical and Civil of the Countrey; and I have
spent one whole long Chapter in acquainting you
with their Religion, which though it may seem
strange and extravagant, yet it is no more than
the truth, as I can prove from good Authors from
whence I had it. I likewise cause our Rogue to
sum up his fore-passed life, with some small reflections,
and I bring into his company four male,
and two female Companions, as good Boys and
Girls as ever twang’d. They coming from England
only on a Ramble, are thought very fit
Companions, and the lives of these travellers are
related to our Rogue by one of the Company.
This relation is full of variety, and though long,
yet (I hope) will not be thought tedious nor improper:
for the length I must crave pardon, for
I could not well avoid it, and I was forced
(though improperly enough) to make breaks to
divide it into Chapters.
I have not only taken pains in describing the
Laws, Manners, and Customs of the Natives
with my Pen, but for your greater pleasure and
satisfaction, the Graver hath been at work to
.bn 022.png
.pn +1
present you the Figure of them, the most lively I
could contrive in so narrow a compass. You
have likewise another Figure of all our Lads
and Lasses together in one of their Tavern Frolicks.
I have had so much work to do in bringing
these Companions to our Rogue in the Indies,
and relating what they are (in which I have
spent much oyl and labour) that I cannot this
bout, bring him over to England as is expected;
but I’le allure you (if you accept this, as I question
not) that I shall hereafter attend him through
other Countries, and with a great Train of Attendants
or Companions bring him again to his
native Countrey of Ireland, and so to England,
where he and his Company may do such acts as
shall raise wonder in the Readers. But let this
suffice at present.
And now I have almost done with the Preface,
which though it be long, yet I like it better
to have it so, than to fill up a Sheet or two of
Paper with Commendatory Verses, which some
Authors covet, and are very proud of, and rather
than go without, will write themselves:
This I could have done or procured, but esteeming
all that can be written in that nature to be
.bn 023.png
.pn +1
nothing, unless the reader approves the Book,
who is now so wise as not to trust to another
mans judgment, I therefore declined that, and I
hope when the Preface is read over, it will not be
thought wholly impertinent; for I have therein
laid down some reasons for this my manner of writing.
But some ignorant Readers commonly skip
over the Preface, running greedily to the matter,
and so they will use me; and having read the
Book will say, that I had better have spared my
self the trouble and cost, for here is nothing but
what they already are acquainted with. To you
who are so knowing and well experienced, I answer
you with this Request, That you will do
as much for publick good, as I have intended by
writing this (and I hope done) and in order thereunto
write and publish your Experiences, and I
promise you I’le be a Customer for one of them,
and encourage others to be so; and though it
may not be so well as what I have written, (that
is, so full of profitable Experiences) yet it will be
a hard case if there be not somewhat worth the
knowing: If my judgment tells me that it is
better, I’le acknowledge it, and I and the other
Readers shall be the more obliged to you for
your pains; and I had rather gain experience and
knowledge thus by reading then dealing with
.bn 024.png
.pn +1
some of you, and be out-witted and snapt.
Though it is true, that that wit is best that
is bought, yet I know a man may pay too
dear for it, (as hitherto I have done) and
therefore, and to the end that other men may
learn by my harms (as the Latine Sentence is,
Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum,
He is happy that is warn’d by other mens harms)
I have written this which I am sure may be profitable,
and I hope not in the least hurtful. Wherefore
Reader, I pray put on Charity for thy
Spectacles, and read on.
.rj
Yours, F. K.
.bn 025.png
.bn 026.png
.pn +1
.il fn=i_frontis.jpg w=345px ew=80%
.bn 027.png
.pn 1
.h1
THE |ENGLISH ROGUE
.nf c
Continued in the Life of
MERITON LATROON,
And other
EXTRAVAGANTS.
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Part II.
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CHAP. I.
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.pm start_summary
He discourses of the manner of Government, of the
Inhabitants of the East-Indies; a small Voyage
by Sea, where he is in danger by a Tempest, and
a Malabar Man of War, but escapes both; he
makes some rambles into the Country, and returning
home has some reflections on his fore passed
life.
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I was now arrived at the Meridian of my age, and
enjoyed such a plenty of every thing, that I soon
forgot the many miseries I had lately suffered,
since my banishment from England. I governed
my Family with a most absolute command, and
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received a willing obedience as well from my Wife,
as all our Servants, and during the stay of our English
Ships, I gained very much by entertaining my Country-men
with necessaries. I kept so punctual a
correspondence with the Banian Merchants, that I
could command any thing; and by their means
found the way of Trading, by which I considerably
enriched my self; so that at the departure of the
English Fleet, I having cast up an account of my
Estate, found that I had gained above 2000 Rupees,
(which being the Country money, and worth
about 2 s. a piece, amounted to 200 l.) also I had
a good parcel of Diamonds, besides those I had
cheated the Banian of at my first arrival; several
other Commodities I had by me, which (with my
Houshold-stuff which was considerable) did in all
amount to a great value. The Fleet being departed,
the chief of our Trading ceased, and now
it was vacation time, and I (hating idleness, and
somewhat weary of my Wives company) being
desirous of Novelty, set out to view the Country:
to which end taking money with me, and all other
necessaries, I hired an Indian Coach, which is a
kind of a Chariot with two wheels, and will hold
about four persons; this Coach was drawn with
two Oxen, who will travel about thirty miles a
day: my charge was not much, for about eighteen-pence
a day paid my Coach-man, and kept his
Cattel. Thus did I ramble about the Country,
visiting other of my acquaintance, where I had a
full enjoyment of every thing the Country afforded:
for we had not only the Country drink called
Toddee, which is made of the juyce of several
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Trees, and Punch which is made of Rack-lime,
or lime-water, Sugar, Spices, and sometimes the
addition of Amber-greese, but we likewise drank
great quantities of Persian Wine, which is much
like Claret, and brought from that Country in
Bottles. These were our drinks whereof we drank
plentifully, and oftentimes to excess; our meat
was chiefly Rice, with Beans, and Turkeys, Beef
and Mutton, and sometimes Veal and Lamb;
this was my ordinary diet, but the Banians eat
no flesh, accounting it criminal, it being contrary
to their Religion to kill any thing; the chiefest
exercise we had was playing at Nine-pins, a game
I was well acquainted with in England, and therefore
could well enough deal with the Natives,
though they were expert therein. Though I
pleased my self in these things, yet there was still
wanting the only thing which had alwayes made
my life pleasant to me, and that was the company
of Women, for without their pleasing society in a
full enjoyment I reckoned I had nothing, and
therefore upon every turn found them out; but
I must now be contented with the Natives, who
although they are not so fair as the women of
our European Countries, yet they may pass well
enough, for their complexions are commonly of a
tawny hiew, but they are richly adorned with Pearl
and other Jewels; I speak of those who were Mercenary.
There is no Town but had two or three of
these Brothel-houses, which were allowed of; neither
was it any disgrace to be seen therein; the
handsomest women are here: the Matron of the
house is furnished with several, who she purchases
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sometimes of their own Parents, who sell them,
not accounting it an injury to dispose them to
this purpose. These old Bawds are as cunning
as those of our Country, for they will sell a Maidenhead
two or three times over, for which they will
sometimes have twenty or thirty Rupees, according
to the goodness of the Commodity, and good
will of the purchaser, who shall enjoy his bargain
for two or three dayes or nights together, either
at their lodgings, or at home at their own houses;
neither do their Wives dare to contradict their
Husbands therein, for they will oftentimes bring
home one of these Lasses, and lodge them in a
Cot in the same room with their Wives, and lye
with them as often as they please, and when
they have done with them send them home
again.
I tryed several of these Bona Roba’s, who pleased
me very well, for what they wanted in beauty they
supplyed in respect and willingness to comply with
and please me in all my desires; and though many
times they have the Pox, by reason of their heat and
activity, yet they value it not, for they are so well
acquainted and furnished with remedies, that they
soon cure themselves, and the men who accompany
them: my ramble being finished, I returned home,
and though my Wife knew I had been at several of
these Brothels, yet I was joyfully received and welcomed
by her. We keeping a publick house, had
all sorts of guests, and now being at leisure I discoursed
with several of the Brammanes who are their
Priests, who informed me not only of the Civil
but Ecclesiastical Government of the Nation: for
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though I supposed them Heathens, yet I found
that they followed a rule in their livings to which
they strictly tied themselves: They in general
gave me this account, that they are governed by
a Kingly Monarch, who is called the Great Mogul,
he is absolute in his Dominions, and all his
subjects are his slaves; all the Land and Houses
throughout his Dominions are his own, and the
Inhabitants or occupiers are only his Tenants,
and pay a valuable rent for what they enjoy,
which is annually collected by Officers to that
purpose appointed, and paid into his Exchequer;
this he bestows at his own pleasure, or spends in
making War with his Enemies, who are chiefly
the Tartars, and sometimes the Persians; they
have frequently Civil Wars amongst themselves
upon the death of their Prince, if he leaves more
Sons than one behind him; for he who last ruled,
and was Father of this present Mogul, made his
way to the Empire by the death of eleven of his
Brethren, he himself being the youngest when he
dyed, which is not long since; three of his sons
survived him, who all immediately raised great
Armies either to gain the Empire, or lose their
lives in general.
The two youngest having assembled all their
well-willers and friends, with considerable Armies
approached one another, a River now only parting
them.
The eldest of the two dispatched a Messenger
to his Brother, to tell him that he was very well
satisfied in his taking Armes, and since he was
in such readiness, if he pleased he would joyn
forces with him, and assault their elder Brother,
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who being vanquisht they would divide the Government.
The youngest Brother willingly assenting
to these propositions, came over to him, but
no sooner was he in his power, but he caused
both his eyes to be put out, (thereby disenabling
him from the Government) and soon gaining the
Captains of his Brothers Army to his party, he
joyned Forces, and causing his blind Brother to
be carried with him, advanced to meet and oppose
his elder Brother; in short time they met, and
fought each other with various success, but in fine
he conquered his Brother, and depriving him of
life, as the other of sight, he now remains sole
Monarch of this large Empire.
The old Mogul died infinitely rich, for he left eight
Tancks of coyned Money, each Tanck esteemed to
hold ten millions of Rupees; and indeed it is no
great marvel, for he hath some of his Subjects, especially
the Banian Merchants, that are very rich,
all whose treasure he will command at his own
will; there is one Banian whose name is Vergore,
who was the chiefest Merchant of his Tribe, and
hath most of the Stocks of his fellows in his
hand; to him the Great Mogul sent for money, to
which message he sent this answer, That he would
presently furnish his Highness with a hundred
Carts loaden with ready money. The Mogul
hearing this, ordered him to keep it till he sent
again, or had further occasion. The English have
great priviledges, for they pay less Duties and
Customes than the Natives, for the Banian Merchants
will sometimes hire an English man to go
to Sea with them in their Juncks, which are
great Barks, not to do any service in the voyage,
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but only to own the Goods, that they may save
several Taxes and Duties that else must be paid,
as Anchorage and Moorage. I one time was
asked by a Banian of my acquaintance, whether
I would go to Sea with him, and he would give
me a considerable recompence: he told me that
I should only wear my hat, eat my victuals, and
when we came to our Port own the Goods; being
desirous of seeing fashions I consented, and our
Junck being loaden, we set sail and departed:
but never was I accompanied with such Sailers,
for the Junck (which is much like a close Lighter)
was deeply loaded with Callicoes, it carried
above 1000 Tun: the wind being fair, all the
tackling was nailed down and fastned, so that
when we had been four dayes at Sea, the wind
contrary to custome changed: but though it
began to be tempestuous, yet all our men
being then at dinner, there was none would
leave their eating to handle the sails, or alter
the tackling; dinner being ended, I perswaded
them with much adoe to go to work, but it
was some hours ere they had loosned their
tackling, so as to lower their sails, and by that
time we were driven out of knowledge; the winds
there are usually so constant, that they never
make provision to handle their sails, and alter
them, but commonly as they fix them at their
setting out, so they continue till they come to
their Port, where instead of an Anchor they carry
a very great stone, fastned by an iron ring to
their Cable, which they let down while they stay,
but take up when they go away; and then they
alter their sails, sitting them to the wind to bring
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them back; they continue in that manner to the
end of the Voyage.
But now it falling out otherwise, great was
their trouble, not knowing how to behave themselves:
and although there was forty men on board,
and they all well enough acquainted with Navigation
in those parts, yet I that was but of one
years standing was their best instructor, or else
we had been lost and perished; most of our sails
being now taken down, and the wind ceasing, we
by the next day came into our knowledge, but
met with another misfortune, which was like to
prove worse than the former, for we discovered a
Junck, though nothing near so big as ours, yet better
man’d, and was indeed a Malabar Man of
War, and our professed Enemy, who are used to
infest those Seas with their Pyracies; our Seamen
being sensible of the desperateness of our condition,
were greatly dismayed, but I (who was formerly
used to be dead-hearted enough) did now
become valorous, and encouraged them by words
and actions, for considering the badness of my
own condition, being likely not only to lose what
Estate I had lately gathered, but at least wise
my liberty, and it may be my life, (for many of
these Malabars do kill and feed on their Prisoners)
these considerations I say possessed me
with so much courage, that I was resolved to
try my utmost power to defend my self from
my Enemies; we were by chance accompanied
by ten Moors called Rashpoots, who being alwayes
brought up in Wars, never go unarmed; these
persons being more courageous than the rest, by
my example, put themselves into a posture of
defence, and the other Seamen had Swords and
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other weapons put into their hands, to keep the
Enemy from boarding us: we had eight great Guns
in our Junck, which were carried more for ornament
than use, for they knew not how to discharge
them against an Enemy to advantage, (they being
as well as their tackling and sails, fixed to
one place) only served to be shot off in triumph,
and make a noise, but would not be well levelled
to carry a Bullet to do execution. I seeing this
inconvenience, took such order therein that the
Guns were placed so as to dammage our Enemy,
who now approaching us, came close up towards
us, but he found a hotter entertainment than he
expected, for we killed several of his men with
our first broad-side; the only weapons our Enemies
had were great stones, which they threw at
us in abundance; but we having again charged
our great Guns, and all the small ones we had
aboard, gave them such a peal as was the funeral
knel to many of them; by this time they were
discouraged, and our men seeing the good success
we had came all in sight and every one taking
a great stone which had been thrown to us
by the Enemy, gave them such an onset with
the stones, as now made them think of giving
over their enterprize, which we compelled them
to do, so soon as we had given them another
broad side, and once more discharged all our
small guns: this gave them so general a blow
that they Vered about and left us to prosecute
our Voyage. Our Enemies being gone, I called
all our men together to see what damage we had
sustained, and upon enquiry found that we had
not lost a man: but about half a dozen broken
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heads and faces was all the harm we had received.
I was generally applauded for my courage, and
the chief owner of the Goods not only rendred
me infinite thanks, but promised me a great reward,
which was justly paid me at the end of our
voyage: I told them that I much wondred at
the manner of our Enemies fight, but I received
this answer, that they seldome used any other
weapons than stones, which they carried in great
plenty, trusting to them and their great numbers:
for the Bark that set upon us had above a hundred
men in her, and would have certainly taken
us, had I not made so good a fight with our
Guns, which was a thing unusual for them to
meet with, not suspecting that we could make
any use of them, otherwise then to shoot upright
as was usual, but they found the contrary to
their cost: for I suppose we had the good fortune
to kill several of them, which so disheartned
them, that they left us as I told you; and thus
we meeting with no more obstruction, in two
moneths time finished our voyage, and returned
home, where I received 500 Rupees as a recompence
for my good service.
I was joyfully received at home by my Wife,
and acquired a very good esteem of all by this
my valourous exploit, and had many advantageous
offers to go again on the same account; but I
valuing my pleasure more than profit, which was
hazardous, declined the propositions, and now
rested my self at home, only making some excursions
to visit the best of my friends, who failed
not to welcome me, being the handsomest Women,
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to whom I made my self welcome. Sometimes
I travelled to the adjacent Towns, where
I visited the pleasant Gardens, and other times
I went further to the Cities, which being well
built with Brick, had pleasant Platforms or Turrets
on the top; many of the Cities were walled,
and fortifyed with Castles for their defence: I
seldome went without a couple of attendants,
which are called Puisns, who were my daily servants;
these were a sort of Banians who served
me for four shillings a moneth a piece, and out
of that found themselves diet, unless they travelled
far from home, and then I allowed each of them
but three half pence a piece per day to buy them
victuals and drink, which was only Cutkeree
Butter, Toddee, with which they were very well
satisfied; neither indeed doth the Consul give
much more to his Servitors, for his chief Puisn
hath but twelve shillings per moneth, and out of
that he keeps a horse and a servant to attend him.
They are very diligent and faithful in what they
are intrusted with, but so soon as they perceive a
New Moon, they tell their Master of it, that they
may pay them their wages.
Having now satisfied my curiosity in these
travels, and being returned home, I began to
consider with my self my fore-passed life: then it
was I did run over these several accidents that
had formerly befallen me.
As first, how I committed Rogueries when but
a Boy, and ran away from my Mother, (of whom
I had never since so much as heard or enquired)
I had some reflections thereupon, and
what my Mother might Judge was become of
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me: Then did I call to mind the rogueries I committed,
when among the Gypsies and Beggars,
and how with them I first tryed and tasted the
pleasure of a Female companion, from that my
apprentiship, and the several adventures I had,
and the pleasant nights lodgings, I enjoyed not
only with the Maid, but the Mistress: how after
the Maid, whom I had gotten with Child, was
delivered, I dispatcht her and child to Virginia,
and soon after by mine and my Mistresses extravagancies
sent my Master first to Prison, and so
out of the world, my Mistress her self not long
surviving him: being then a freeman, I married,
but was justly enough fitted for my disloyalty by
my wives incontinency, which with my own prodigality
soon consumed me, enforced me to leave
England for Ireland, which being my first great
remove, I seriously reflected on not knowing
where I should end my dayes, I being now far
distant from the place of my Nativity; but I bethinking
my self that my only livelyhood depended
there in my viril strength, not that I was
exposed to carry burthens, or labour in the day
time, but in the night, in Venerial combats,
where I received equal pleasure: and indeed I
having run through the whole course of my life,
found, that by the favourable and good opinion
of women (which was not undeserved) I had not
only preserved my self, but many times raised my
self a sufficient fortune: as I had lately done by
marrying with my Moorish Wife, in which present
condition I concluded my self much better than
when I was in Ireland tyed to my old woman,
who only paid me and gave me money according
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to the service I did her, and was then
again old and peevish, and above all things very
jealous; whereas now I was my own pay-master,
and though my bed-fellow was not fair, yet she
was young and pleasant, and so far from jealousie,
that she her self sometimes would procure me a
young girl, the fairest in the country to lye with
me, and she also lying by me, and taking much
pleasure therein.
Then did I proceed in the thoughts of my former
life, and considered the many dangers I underwent,
all the time I followed my padding employment,
and though I then usually wore money enough in
my Pocket, and sometimes met with some female
adventures, as the Farmers Daughter, the Poetick
Widdow, and my Female Robbers, and others in
whose converse I took much pleasure, yet I was in
all these pleasures still accompanied with fear of
being snapt, as indeed I was at last and likely to be
trus't up: but that my penitence wrought so upon
my friends as to procure my sentence of death, to
be altered into that of banishment: which had
through many miseries and cross adventures
brought me hither, where I received the full enjoyment
of all things: this consideration took me up
much time, and possessed me with some virtuous
thoughts, believing that I had not been preserved
and reserved from so many hazards but for some
good end; and now I had a fair opportunity of
declining Vice, and living vertuously, I not being
likely to be exposed to any such Roguish shifts or
courses as formerly, these thoughts of virtue made
way for those of Religion, and now it was that I
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seriously considered of that Word in general, and being
(though little practised in) yet well enough
acquainted with the Christian Religion, I wondered
at the absurdity of the Religion of other Nations,
especially of the Country wherein I now lived; and
having been curious in the enquiry of the grounds
thereof, I had received a good account, though little
satisfaction; but since it is a Novelty, and may well
enough suit with the following discourse, which will
consist of several and variety of Knaveries and Cheatings,
whereof I suppose this of this Countries Religion
may very well bear a part: I shall give you a
short account thereof in this following chapter.
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CHAP. II.
.pm start_summary
The Original Religion and Worship of the Banians
and Persees, with all their Castes and Tribes.
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This large part of the World which is governed
by the Great Mogul, is inhabited by these
three sort of People, Banians, Moor-men or Rashpoots,
and Persees; the several Religions or Worships
of the first and last, viz. the Banians and Persees, I
shall here give you an account of; but for the Moors
or Rashpoots, they have little esteem for any Religion
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in particular, and being for the most part Souldiers,
are of the Great Moguls Religion, which is partly
Mahometan, I shall therefore begin with the Banians,
who believe in one God, and that he created the
World out of nothing, and that after this manner;
first he having the four Elements of Air, Earth, Fire,
and Water for a ground-work, by some great Cane
or such like instrument, blew upon the waters,
which arose into a bubble of a round form like an
Egg, which spreading itself made the Firmament so
clear and transparent, which now compasseth the
World about; after this there remaining true liquid
substance in the Earth, God made of both these
together a thing round like a Ball, which is called
the lower World; the more solid part became Earth,
the liquid Sea, both which making one Globe, he
by a great noise or huming sound placed them in the
midst of the Firmament, there he created the Sun
and Moon to distinguish times and seasons, and the
four Elements which were before mixed, were now
separated and assigned to their several places, and
discharged their several offices; the Air filled up the
empty parts, the Fire nourished with heat, the Earth
and Sea brought forth their living creatures, and
then was the World created; and as it had its beginning
from four Elements, so it was measured
by four points, East, West, North and South, and
was to be continued for four Ages, to be peopled
by four Casts or sorts of men, who were to be married
by four sorts of women appointed for them.
The World being made, Man was likewise made out
of the Earth, God putting him into life, and he
worshipping his Creator; Woman was likewise made
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and given to him as a companion; the first mans
name was Pourous, and the womans name was
Parcoutee, and they lived together as man and
wife, feeding on the fruits of the earth, not destroying
any living Creature.
These two had four sons called Brammon, Cuttery,
Shuddery, and Wyse, who were of different and distinct
nature from each other, for Brammon was of
an earthly constitution, and therefore Melancholly;
Cuttery fiery, and therefore Martial; Shuddery flegmatick,
and therefore Peaceable; Wyse airey, and
therefore full of contrivances and inventions. Brammon
being melancholly and ingenious, God gave him
knowledge, and appointed him to impart his Laws,
and therefore gave him a Book containing the form
of Divine Worship and Religion; Cuttery being
Martial, had power to govern Kingdoms, and therefore
had a Sword given him; Shuddery being mild
and conversable, it was thought fit that he should
be a Merchant and Traffick, and therefore had a
pair of Ballances and a bag of Weights hung at
his girdle; and Wyse being airey, was appointed
for a Mechanick or Handicrafts man, and therefore
had a bag of several sorts of tools.
These were the first men, and these their qualities,
(according to the Banian tradition) that
peopled the Earth; Pourous and Parcoutee had
no daughters, because the sons should go elsewhere
to find them wives, which were made for
them, and placed at the four winds; the four
sons being grown up to mans age, were commanded
to travel; And,
First, Brammon with his Book in his hand took his
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journey towards the rising of the Sun in the East;
for the place where they were born, and their
Parents created, was in the Middle or Navel
of the world, the Sun at Noon-day casting no
shadow. Brammon taking his journey, as is
said, towards the East, arrived at a goodly
Mountain, before which was a Valley, through
which there passed a Brook; in the descent of
which there appeared a Woman a drinking. This
Woman was of black hair, yellow Complexion,
of an indifferent size, and a modest aspect, and
indeed in every thing made, as if made for her
beholder; who being naked, and seeing her to
be so, was more bashful than the Woman, who
first brake silence, by questioning the cause of his
coming thither.
Brammon hearing her spake, and that in his own
Language, thus reply’d, That the great God, who
made all things had sent him thither: The Woman
seeing his Book, asked the use of it; whereupon
he opening it, shewed her the Contents thereof;
and after some other discourse the consented to be
married to him, according to the form prescribed in
that book; which being done, they lay together,
and had many children, who peopled the East
part of the world: this Womans name was Savatree.
Cuttery the 2d. Brother, was sent upon the same
account to the West part of the world, and taking
his sword in his hand, he advanced on his journey;
but not meeting with any adventure or occasion to
make use thereof, he was much troubled; desiring
above all things, that he might meet with some
people whereon he might exercise his courage:
thus impatiently did he proceed on his journey, till
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he arrived near a high Mountain, where he might
behold a Personage who was walking with a Martial
pace, and coming nearer, found to be a
Woman armed with a weapon call’d a Chuckery:
They were no sooner met, but they encountred,
and set upon one another; but though he expected
a sudden conquest, yet was he deceived
therein, for his adversary held him in play all that
day, till night parted them. The next day also
they wholly spent in fight; he gained no advantage
over his female enemy, only at the cloze of
the day, he had the fortune to cut her weapon in
two; but the night coming on, she escaped from
him, without any further damage.
The next day she was provided with Bow and
Arrows, and then had a great advantage over him,
because she could wound him at a distance, and
he could not hurt her without a close fight; he
being sensible of this odds, clozed with her, and by
main strength threw her down, holding her by the
hair of the head; when having a perfect view of
her beauties, instead of an enemy, he became a
lover of this beautiful object; and that he might
gain her affections, he threw by his weapons, and
applyed himself to her in fair speeches, to which
she was attentive; and he at length became so
prevalent, that they at present plighted troths to
one another, and of enemies, not only at that instant
became friends; but in short time after, living
together, and Nature dictating to them what
must be done for the procreation of their like, they
tasted the fruit of Loves garden, and had many
children, who peopled the West part of the
World; this Womans name was Toddicastree.
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Chuddery the 3d. Son, who was the Merchant-man,
was sent to the North with his ballance
and weights, and he after much travel happened
on a place where he found Pearls, and a Rock or
Mine of Diamonds; and believing them (by
reason of their great luster in the dark) of some
extraordinary value, took some of them with him,
and special notice of the place, that he might find
it again; and so proceeding on his journey, came to
the place where was the Woman that was to be his
Wife, who was wandring by the side of a Wood;
she, seeing him, became fearful; but he coming
to her, and giving her good words, won upon her
to stay and receive him into her company; and
after an account of his journey, which she concluded
was purposely designed to her, because
they understood one anothers speech, he bestowed
some of his Pearls and Diamonds upon her; in
time they proving the comforts of the conjoyned
state, had several children, who peopled the North
part of the World, and became Merchant-men:
he afterwards travelling with them, shewed them
the rock of Diamonds; this Womans name was
Visagundah.
Wyse, the 4th. and youngest of the Brethren,
went also to the South parts of the World, and
carried his tools with him, whereby he was able
to build a house, or perform any other piece of
work needful for the use of man; he was forced
to pass over seven Seas, at each place making a
Vessel, and leaving it behind him: the last Sea
was called Pashurbatee, and brought him to a
Land called Derpe, where he built him a house to
live in, which he did with much content, till the
.bn 046.png
.pn +1
Woman appointed for him came thither to behold
the same: She was very amiable and white, and
her hair was powdred with Saunders and other
Odours: She first spake to him, demanding how
he came thither; He answered her, that the Almighty
had sent him, and he had taken great pains
by coming over seven Seas to wait on her: She was
displeased with his discourse and house, telling him
that she needed him not; and notwithstanding all
his perswasions, left him: he afterwards met her
walking in the Woods; but could not prevail with
her to continue with him; but left him much
troubled. After this, he being in a profound melancholy,
walking abroad, came to a parcel of trees,
under which he placed himself, and there prayed
to his Creator, that he might not lose his labour,
in coming so far to find a Woman that would not
converse with him: To this prayer he had answer,
that his request should be granted, on condition, that
for the future he would erect Images, and adore, and
worship them under green trees: To this he consented,
and at the next meeting he gained the
good will of this Woman who was named Jejunnogundah,
so that she became his wife, by
whom he had several children that peopled the
South.
These Four Brethren being thus dispersed at the
4 several parts of the earth, and having peopled
the same, were all desirous of returning to their own
Country from whence they came, to see their Father
and Mother, and recount their several adventures
to them, and to that end, leaving their
children behind, they and their wives travelled so
.bn 047.png
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long, till they came to the place; where they were
first joyfully received of their Parents; and then of
each other; there they likewise had several other
children, begetting several generations, that all the
world might be instructed in their several qualities,
by Brammon in matters of Religion, by Cuttery in
Rule and Governments, by Shuddery in Traffick and
Merchandize, and by Wyse in matters of Handicrafts;
of which four Casts the world consisteth,
every one of them living in his several quality,
keeping his tribe free from confusion or interfeering;
and thus the world was peopled: but in
time, multitude begat difference, and disorder,
and mischief, and every person disagreed with
the other, every one producing new and various
differences, as well in matters of Religion and
Worship, as in all other affairs, when the Almighty
for the wickedness of mankind sent a flood which
came and destroyed all the Creatures of the earth;
and this according to the tradition of the Banians,
was the first Age of the world.
This world of Creatures being destroyed, others
were made in this manner: The Almighty first
made out of the earth these three Creatures, Breman,
Vistney and Ruddery, and gave great power
to them; to Breman he gave the power of making
Creatures, because say the Banians, as great persons
do not their work but by Deputies, so neither
was it fit that God should be servile to his Creatures,
but give to them their being by his Instruments.
To the second, which was Vistney, he
gave charge to preserve the Creatures: But to
the third, which was Ruddery, he gave power to
destroy them, because he knew they would be
.bn 048.png
.pn +1
wicked, and deserve Judgments. Breman was to
be taken up to Heaven in conclusion of the second
age. Vistney was to live as long again as Breman,
and Ruddery was to continue three times as
long, and then he should destroy all the world,
which should be the great day of Judgement.
Breman according to the power given him, produced
man and Woman out of his own bowels,
who being instructed by him gave worship to God,
and reverence to him: the man was by him named
Mamaw, and the Woman Ceterrupa; they were
sent to the East, and there they had three sons
and three daughters, who were sent severally to
the West, North and South, which were peopled
by them: thus man being made by Breman,
Vistney provided things necessary for them, and
Ruddery dispersed afflictions, sicknesses and death,
as men did deserve them.
It was now necessary say the Banians, that the
Law should be given, according to which they
should live; and therefore Breman being called
up into a Mountain, the Almighty gave him out
of a cloud a book, which the Banians call the
Shaster, wherein was written their Lawes; this
book consisted of three Tracts.
The first, whereof contained their Moral Law,
and an Explication or Appropriation of the precepts
to every several Tribe and Cast.
The second, was their Ceremonial Law.
The third, distinguished them into Casts or
Tribes, with peculiar observations for each Cast
and Tribe.
The first Tract of the Moral Law contained
eight commandements.
.bn 049.png
.pn +1
1. That they should kill no living Creature,
because like man it had a soul.
2. That they should make a Covenant with
their five senses: the Eyes not to see evil things,
the Ears not to hear evil things, the Tongue not
to speak evil, the Pallat not to taste, as wine or
flesh, the hands not to touch any thing defiled.
3. That they should duly observe the times of
devotion in washing, worship, &c.
4. That they should not tell false tales to deceive.
5. That they should be charitable to the poor.
6. That they should not oppress their poor
brethren.
7. That they should celebrate certain Festivals,
not pampering the body, but fasting and watching,
to be fitter for devotion.
8. That they should not steal, though never so
little.
These eight are bestowed among the four
Tribes or Casts, to each two Commandements:
to the Brammanes, which are the Priests, the
first and second, as being strictest in Religion. To
Shuddery they appropriate the third and fourth,
as most proper to them. To Cuttery the fifth,
and sixth, and to Wyse, the seventh and eighth:
they are all enjoyned to keep all the Commandements,
but more particularly those that are
appropriated to their several Casts.
The second Tract of the Book delivered to
Breman, comprized certain ceremonial injunctions,
which are these.
First, washing their bodies in rivers, in memory
of the deluge, in which they use this ceremony:
.bn 050.png
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first, they besmear their bodies in the mud of the
River, as an emblem of mans filthyness; and
then coming into the water and turning their
faces towards the Sun, the Bramman prayes, that
as the body which is foul as the mud of the
River which is cleansed by water, so that his sin
may be in like manner cleansed; and then the
party plunging himself three times in the River,
and shaking in his hand some grains of Rice as
an offering on the water: he receiveth absolution
for his sins past, and is dismissed.
2. The ceremony of anointing the fore head
with red painting, as a peculiar mark which they
often renew.
3. They are enjoyned to tender certain prayers
and offerings under green trees, the original of
which custom they derive from Wyse, to whom
they say God appeared in a Vision under a tree;
the tree particularly appropriated for this worship,
is called Ficu Indica, as, vide Sr. W. Rawleigh,
for which tree they have a very great
esteem.
4. They are enjoyned prayers in their Temples,
where they offer to Images with ringing and loud
tinckling of bells and such like impertinent services.
5. They are enjoyned Pilgrimage to rivers remote,
as Ganges, where they throw in, as offerings,
Jewels and Treasure of great value.
6. They use Invocation of Saints, and for all
their affairs they have several Saints they invoke
for assistance.
7. Their law binds them to give worship to
God, upon sight of any of his Creatures first seen
after Sun rise, especially to the Sun and Moon,
.bn 051.png
.pn +1
which they call the two eyes of God, as also to
some Beasts.
8. In baptizing children, there is difference in
the Casts, for the Brammanes are extraordinary:
the rest of the children are only washt in water,
with a short prayer, that God would write good
things in the front of the child, all present saying
Amen. They name the child, putting a red oyntment
on the midst of his forehead, and the ceremony
is done. But the children of the Cast of
the Brammanes are not only washed with water,
but anoynted with oyl with these words: Oh
Lord, we present unto thee this child, born of a
holy Tribe, anointed with oyl, and cleansed with
water; unto which they add other ceremonies,
then they enquire the exact time of the childs
birth, and calculate his Nativity, which they keep
by them and give them at the day of their marriage.
9. As for their marriages, their time is different
from other Nations, for they marry at 7 years of
age, they are usually contracted by their Parents;
which being agreed on, they send presents, and
use many triumphant perambulations about the
town for two dayes; and then at the going down
of the Sun they use this ceremony. A fire is
made and interposed between the young couple,
to intimate the ardency of their affections; then
there is a silken string that encloses both their
bodies, to witness the insolveable bond of wedlock;
after this bond, there is a cloth interposed
betwixt them, a custom taken from the meeting
of Brammon and Savatre, who covered themselves
till the words of matrimony were uttered,
so the Brammanes pronouncing certain words,
.bn 052.png
.pn +1
enjoyning the man to provide for the Woman,
and her to loyalty, and pronouncing the blessing
of a fruitful issue, the speech is concluded; the
cloth interposed is taken away; the bond which
ingirted them, unloosed; full freedom is given
them to communicate with one another; they
give no dowry, only the Jewels worn on the Bridal
day; none come to the feast, but those of the
same Tribe or Cast: no Woman is admitted to
second marriage, except the Tribe of Wyse,
which are the handicrafts; men in all Tribes may
marry twice except the Bramanes, every Tribe
marries in their own Casts, and the Tribe of the
Wyse not only marry in their own Tribe, but in
their own trade: as a Barber or Smiths son, must
marry a Barber or Smiths daughter of the same
Tribe.
10. Which is the last, is the ceremony of their
burials; when any is sick to death, they enjoyn
him to utter Narrane, which is one of the names
of God, importing mercy to sinners: they pour
fair water into his hand, praying to Kistnetuppon,
the God of the water, to present him pure to
God; he being dead, his body is washed, and
after buried in this manner. They carry the body
to a rivers side and being set down, the Brammane
uttereth these words. Oh earth! we commend
unto thee this our brother, whilst he lived thou hadst
an interest in him, of the earth he was made, by the
blessing of the earth he was fed, and therefore now
he is dead, we surrender him to thee: after this putting
combustible matter to the body, lighted by
the help of sweet oyl, the Brammane saith, Oh
fire, whilst he lived thou hadst a claim in him, by
whose natural heat he subsisted, we return therefore
.bn 053.png
.pn +1
his body to thee that thou shouldst purge it.
Then the son of the deceased sets two pots, one
with water, and the other with milk on the
ground; the pot with milk on the top of the
other, and with a stone breaks the pot with water,
whereby the water and milk are both spoiled;
upon which account the son thus moralizeth,
That as the stone makes the vessels yield, so did
sickness ruin his Fathers body, which is then
burnt to ashes, which are thrown into the air, the
Brammane uttering these words, Oh air, whilst
he lived by thee he breathed, and now having
breathed his last, we yield him to thee. The ashes
falling on the water, the Brammane saith, Oh
water, whilst he lived, thy moysture did sustain
him, and now his body is dispersed, take thy part
in him. This being done, the Brammane reads
(to the Son or nearest of kin to the deceased) the
Law of mourners; That for ten days he must eat
no Beetle, nor oyl his head, nor put on clean clothes;
but once a month make a Feast, and visit the River
whose water drank up his Fathers ashes. Besides this,
there was a Custom which is brought into a Law,
for the Wives of the deceased to accompany their
Husbands in death, by burning themselves with
his body; and this is still used among persons of
greatest worth, the Women voluntarily exposing
their bodies to the flames. And this is the sum
of the second Tract of the Book delivered to
Breman.
The third Tract consisteth of their being distinguished
into Casts and Tribes, with peculiar observations
for each. The Brammanes being first,
have their name either of Brammon, who was
the first of that Tribe; or else from Breman, who
.bn 054.png
.pn +1
was the first of the second Age, to whom the
Law was delivered, of which there are two sorts,
the common, and the more special; the common
Brammane hath eighty two Casts or Tribes;
which are distinguished by the names of the
places of their first habitations. These discharge
the Ministerial function, in praying and reading
their Law to the People, in which they use a
kind of minical fantastical gesture, and a singing
tone. They are first received into that Order at
seven years of age, using the ceremony of washing
and shaving their heads, only leaving one lock;
they are bound to a Pythagorean silence, and prohibited
haulking, spitting, or coughing, wearing
about their loyns a girdle of an Antilop’s skin,
and another thong of the same about their neck,
descending under the left arm: At fourteen years
of age they are admitted to be Brammanes, exchanging
those leather thongs for four sealing
threads that come over the right shoulder, and
under the right arm, which they sleep withal, in
honour of God and the three persons; they are
enjoyned to keep all things in the Brammanes
Law.
The more special sort of Brammanes are of the
Cast of the Shudderys or Merchant-man, who for
devotion take this condition; He wears a wollen
garment of white, reaching down to the middle
of the thigh, the rest is naked: his head is alwayes
uncovered; they do not shave, but pluck off all
the hair from their heads and beards, leaving only
one lock.
There are several Casts of these, that live more
strictly than the rest; for these never Marry, are very
.bn 055.png
.pn +1
moderate in their Diet, and drink nothing but
water boyled, that so the vapour, which they
suppose to be life, may go out; they sweep away
and disperse their dung, lest it should generate
worms that may have life, and be destroyed, they
keep an Hospital of lame and maimed flying
fowl, which they redeem with a price; they have
all things common, but place no faith in outward
washings, but rather imbrace a careless and
sordid nastiness.
The second Tribe or Cast was Cutteryes, who
had their name from Cuttery, the second son of
Ponrous, who having Dominion and Rule committed
to him; therefore all Souldiers and Kings
are said to be of his Tribe.
That particular of Bremans Book that concerned
this Cast, contained certain precepts of
Government and Policy, which being of common
import, I chose to omit, and shall only
tell you, that in their flourishing estate they were
the ancient Kings of India, especially of that part
that is called Guzzarat, and were called by the
name of Racabs, which signifies a King; they are
said to have thirty six Tribes, and none were
admitted to rule or govern but out of these Tribes.
But in time these Racabs were most of them put
from the Government, and destroyed by the Mahometans,
who oppressed them; some of them
still remain, and are called Rashpootes, which I
have before named; some are as yet unconquered,
and sometimes fight with and against the great
Mogul.
The third Son of Ponrous being called Shuddery,
and Merchandizing being appointed him,
all Merchants therefore are comprized under this
.bn 056.png
.pn +1
Name. The particular of Bremans Book that
concerned this Cast, was a Seminary of Religious
advertizement, enjoyning them to truth in their
words and dealings. These are they that are most
properly called Banians, which name signifies a
harmless People, that will not endure to see a fly,
or worm, or any living thing to be injured, and
being themselves strucken, bear it patiently without
resistance; they are equal in number of their
Casts to the Brammanes, and being like to them,
do more strictly follow their injunctions. Their
form and contract in buying and selling is something
notable; for the Broaker that beateth the
price with him that selleth, looseth his Pamerin
that his folded about his wast, and spreading it
upon his knee, with hands folded underneath, by
their fingers ends the price of pounds, shillings
or pence, is fixed, as the Chapman is intended to
give: The seller in like manner intimateth how
much he purposeth to have; which silent composition
their Law enjoyneth.
Lastly, as the Son of Ponrous was called Wyse,
and was Master of Merchants or Handicrafts, so
all Handicrafts are of that Tribe. The directions
that were in Breman’s Book for these, were touching
their behaviours in their Callings: The name
Wyse signifies one that one is servile or instrumentary;
these People are now commonly called
Gentiles, which are of two sorts; first, the purer
Gentile, such as diet themselves as the Banians,
not eating flesh, fish or wine; and the impure eat
of all sorts, and are commonly Husbandmen, and
usually called Coulees. Those of the purer sort
have thirty six Casts, according to the number of
the Trades practised among them; in which, they
.bn 057.png
.pn +1
make as few instruments serve for the effecting
of divers works, as may be; and whatever they
do, is contrary to the Christian form of working,
for the most part. This is the substance of the
third Tract of the Book delivered to Breman,
concerning the manner of the four Tribes.
This Book was by Breman communicated to
the Brammanes to be published to the People, who
did give absolute obedience to these injunctions;
but in time, fraud, violence and all manner of
wickedness being committed, God grew angry,
and acquainted Breman that he would destroy the
world: who acquainted the People herewith, but
to little purpose, for soon after they fell to their
wickedness, and God took Breman up into his
bosome who had interceeded for man-kind; then
also Vistney (whose nature and Office it was to
preserve the People) did interceed, but God would
not be pacifyed, but gave charge to Ruddery
(whose Office it was to destroy) to cause the
bowels of the earth to send out a wind to sweep
the Nations as the dust from the face of the
earth: this command was accordingly executed,
and all people were destroyed saving a few that
God permitted Vistney to cover with the skirts
of his preservation, reserved to propagate mankind
in the third age, and so this Age concluded.
The wickedness and ill government of the
Kings and Rulers, being the chief cause of destroying
the last age: therefore all those of Cutteries
Tribe were all destroyed. Now because it
was necessary that there should be some of that
Cast as well as others, wherefore God raised that
Tribe again out of the Cast of the Bramanes:
.bn 058.png
.pn +1
the name of him who renewed and raised this
Tribe was called Ram, who was a good King
and lived piously; but his successors did not so,
but committed so much wickedness that God again
destroyed the world, by the opening of the earth,
which swallowed up all mankind, but a few of the
four Tribes who were left to new-people the world
again, and this was the conclusion of the third
Age.
At the beginning of the fourth Age, there was
one Kistney, a famous Ruler, and pious King,
who wonderfully promoted Religion. Vistney
was now taken up into Heaven, there being no
further need of his preservation; for when this
Age is concluded, there shall be a full end of all
things. The Brammanes suppose this Age shall
be longer then any of the rest, in the end whereof
Ruddery shall be taken up into Heaven: these four
ages they call by these four names, Curtain,
Duauper, Tetrajoo and Kotee; they hold the
manner of these last judgements shall be by fire,
when all shall be destroyed; and so the four Ages
of the world shall be destroyed by the four Elements.
And then shall Ruddery carry up the souls
of all people to Heaven with him, to rest in Gods
bosome, but the bodyes shall all perish: so that
they believe not the resurrection; for they say
Heaven being a place that is pure, they hold it
cannot be capable of such gross substances.
This is the sum of the Banians Religion, wherein
you find much of fancy and conceit as to make it be
so antient, and the number four to be used so often,
as you have heard the meaning of the three creatures,
.bn 059.png
.pn +1
I suppose alludes to the Trinity; but instead of a
confirmation and proof of a Trinity, they would
make a Quaternity thereof, in the name; I suppose,
they (as well as other Nations who differ
from us in Religion) had read over our Bible, and
supposing that but fictions, were resolved to make
a Law of their own, to be somewhat like that of
ours; which how they have done you have already
heard: I shall now likewise give you a brief account
of the Religion used by the Persees, and so
put an end to this Chapter.
These Persees are a People descended from the
antient Persians, who lived in much splendor, but
warrs coming among them, they were dissipated,
and the Mahometans who invaded them, compelled
several to leave their antient Religion for that
of the Mahometan: which they refusing, exposed
themselves to a voluntary banishment, and therefore
carried what of their substance they could
with them: they sought for a new place of habitation,
and at length found it in this Country, where
they now inhabit, being admitted to use their own
Religion, but yielding themselves in subjection to
the government of the Nation, and paying homage
and tribute, their Religion being different from the
rest of the Inhabitants, I shall thus describe to you.
They affirm that before any thing was, there
was a God, who made the Heavens, and the Earth,
and all things therein conteined: at six times or
labours, and between each labour, he rested five
dayes, first, He made the Heavens with their
Orbs, adorned with great lights and lesser, as the
Sun, Moon and Stars; also the Angels whom he
placed in their several orders, according to their
dignities, which place he ordained to be for the
habitations of such as should live holy in this
.bn 060.png
.pn +1
life; and this being done, he rested five dayes.
Then he made Hell in the lower parts of the world,
from which he banished all light and comfort,
wherein were several Mansions that exceeded
each other in dolour, proportioned for the degrees
of Offenders; about which time Lucifer the chief
of Angels, with other of his Order, conspiring
against God, to gain the Soveraignty and command
over all; God threw him first from the
Orb of his happiness, together with his confederates
and accomplices, damn’d him to Hell,
the place that was made for offenders, and turn’d
them from their glorious shapes, into shapes black,
ugly and deformed, till the end of the world, when
all offenders shall receive punishment; this was
the second labour. After this God created the
earth and waters, making this world like a ball,
in that admirable manner that now it is; this
was the third labour. The fourth, was to make
the Trees and Herbs; the fifth, was to make
Beasts, Fowls and Fishes; and the sixth and last,
Man and Woman, whose names were Adamah
and Evah, and by these the world was propagated
in this manner; God as they affirm, did cause
Evah to bring forth two twins every day for a
thousand years together, and none dyed. Lucifer
being malicious, and endeavouring to do mischief
God set certain Supervisors over his
creatures: Hamull had charge of the Heavens,
Acob of the Angels, Foder of the Sun, Moon, and
Stars, Soreh of the Earth, Josah of the Waters,
Sumbolah of the Beasts of the Field, Daloo of
the Fish of the Sea, Rocan of the Tree, Cooz, of
Man and Woman, and Settan and Asud were
Guardians of Lucifer and other evil spirits, who
for all that did some mischief, the sins of men occasioned
the destruction of world by a flood which
.bn 061.png
.pn +1
spared only a few to repeople the earth, which was
done accordingly; and this is their opinion of the
Creation and first Age. As to their Religion, it
was given them by a Law-giver, whose name was
Zertoost, whose birth was strange, and breeding
and visions miraculous; the names of his Father
and Mother were Espintaman and Dodoo, he was
born in China, and great fame going of him when
young, the King of that Country endeavoured his
destruction, but could not bring it to pass, for those
who were sent to destroy him, had their sinews
shrunk; he being twelve or thirteen years of age,
was taken with a great sickness, the King hearing
thereof, sent Physicians to destroy him; but Zertoost
sensible of their practise, refused their Physick,
and fled with his Father and Mother into
Persia; in his way meeting with Rivers, he congeal’d
them to ice, and so went over: he
arrived at Persia in the time of the Raign of Gustasph;
it was in that Country that at his request
to God, he being purified, was carried up into
heaven, where he heard the Almighty speaking,
as in flames of fire, who revealed to him the
works of the Creation, and what was to come, and
gave him Laws for the better government and
establishment of Religion: Zertoost desired to live
alwayes, that he might instruct the world in Religion;
but God answered, That if he should live
never so long, yet Lucifer would do more harm then
he should do good: but if he desired to live so long
as the world endured he might. God also presented
to Zertoost the seven ages or times of the
Persian Monarchy; the first was the Golden Age,
the days of Guiomaras, second, the Silver, the
dayes of Fraydhun: third, the Brazen, the dayes
of Kaykodoy, the fourth, the Tin, the dayes of
.bn 062.png
.pn +1
Lorasph; fifth, Leaden, the dayes of Bahaman,
sixth, the Steel, the dayes of Darab Segner; the
seventh, the Iron Age, in the Raign of Yesdegerd:
He finding by this that the times would be worse
and worse, desired to live no longer than till he had
discharged his Message, and then that he might
be translated to the same place of glory; so he
was reduced to his proper sense, and remained in
heaven many dayes; and then having received
the Book of the Law, and the heavenly fire, he
was conveyed by an Angel to earth again. But
the Angel had no sooner left him, but Lucifer
met him; but notwithstanding his perswasions,
he went on in his designs of revealing the Law,
which he did first to his Father and Mother, and
by their means it came to the ears of Gustasph,
then King of Persia, who sending for him, he told
the King every circumstance, so that the King
began to incline to his religion, often sending for
and conversing with him. The Churchmen of that
time endeavoured to put infamy upon Zertoost, by
perswading the King that he was an Impostor and
of unclean living, for that he had the bones of humane
bodies under his bed, the King hearing this
sent to search, and found it so to be, for these
Church-men had caused them to be conveyed
thither; wherefore Zertoost, by order of the King,
was put in prison: but there happened an occasion,
that he was not only soon released, but also
brought into the Kings favour; for the King having
a Horse, that he prized, that fell sick, and no
person able to cure him, Zertoost undertook the cure,
and performed it; and working some other miracles,
was now of good credit, and esteemed as a man come
from God; so that now his Book gained an esteem,
and the King himself told him, That if he would
grant him four demands, he would believe his
.bn 063.png
.pn +1
Law, and be a Professor thereof. The demands
were these; First, That he might ascend to Heaven,
and descend when he list. Secondly, That he
might know what God would do at present, and in
time to come. Thirdly, That he might never dye.
Fourthly, That no instrument whatsoever might
have power to wound or hurt him. Zertoost did
consent that all this might be done, but not by
one person; and therefore to the first, Gustasph
had power to ascend to, and descend from Heaven,
granted to him. The second, which was to
know what would fall out, present and hereafter,
was granted to the Kings Church-man. The
third, which was to live for ever, was granted to
Gustasph’s eldest Son, named Dischiton, who yet
lives as they say, at a place in Persia, called Demawando
Lohoo, in a high Mountain, with a
guard of thirty men; to which place all living
creatures are forbidden to approach, lest they
should live for ever, as they do who abide
there. The last, which was never to be wounded
with instrument or weapon, was granted to the
youngest Son of Gustasph, called Esplandiar. So
Gustasph, and the other three mentioned, proving
the power of these several gifts, all determined
to live according to the precepts in Zertoost Book,
he unfolding the contents thereof, which were
these: This Book contained three several Tracts,
the first whereof was of Judicial Astrology; the
second was of Physick; the third, was called Zertoost,
and this was of matters of Religion: And
these three Tracts were delivered to the Magi’s,
Physicians and Church-men, called Darooes; these
Tracts were devided into Chapters, seven were
in the Wisemen or Jesopps Book, seven in the
Physicians, and seven in the Darooes Book; the
.bn 064.png
.pn +1
two first is unlawful or unnecessary, I shall omit
it, and proceed to the third. The Dicision of
men being Laity and Clergy; and those of the
Clergy being ordinary or extraordinary, It pleased
God, say the Persees, to divide and apportion his
Law among these men. First, therefore, to the
Lay-man God gave five Commandments:
1. To have shame over them, as a remedy
against sin, for that will keep them from oppressing
his inferiours, from stealing, from being
drunk, and from bearing false witness.
2. To have fear alwayes present, that they
might not commit sin.
3. When they go about any thing, to think
whether it be good or bad, so to do it or let it
alone.
4. That the sight of God’s creatures, in the morning
put them in mind to give God thanks for them.
5. That when they pray by day, they turn
their faces towards the Sun; and by night towards
the Moon.
These are the precepts enjoyned the Lay-men,
those of the common Church-man follow, who
are bound to keep, not only these appropriated
to him, but the preceding precepts.
1. To pray after the manner is described in
Zundavestaw, for God is best pleased with that form.
2. To keep his eyes from coveting any thing
that is anothers.
3. To have a great care to speak the truth alwayes,
because Lucifer is the Father of falshood.
4. To meddle with no bodies business but his
own, and not meddle with the things of the world;
for the Lay-man shall provide all things needful
for him.
5. To learn the Zundavestaw by heart, that he
may teach the Lay-man.
.bn 065.png
.pn +1
6. To keep himself pure as from dead carcases,
or unclean meats, lest he be defiled.
7. To forgive all injuries, in imitation of God,
who daily forgives us.
8. To teach the common people to pray, to
pray with them for any good: and when they
come to the place of worship, to joyn in common
prayer together.
9. To give Licence for Marriage, and to marry
men and women, the Parents not having power
to do it without the consent of the Herbood.
10. To spend the greatest part of their time in
the Temple, that he may be ready on all occasions.
11. And last Injunction is, upon pain of Damnation,
to believe no other Law but that of Zertoost,
and not to add to it, nor diminish it.
These are the precepts enjoyned the Herbood,
the Distoore being the High Priest, who commands
all the rest, is enjoyned not only these of
the Layman or Behedin, these of the Herbood or
Churchmen, but 13 more of his own, which are
these that follow.
1. That he must never touch any of a strange
Cast or Sect, of what Religion soever; nor any Layman
of his own Religion, but he must wash himself.
2. That he must do all his own work, in token
of humility, and for purity, viz. Set his own hearbs,
Sow his own grain, and dress his own meat, unless
he have a Wife to do it for him, which is not usual.
3. That he take Tyth or Tenth of the Behedin,
as Gods due, and dispose of it as he thinks fit.
4. That he must use no Pomp or superfluity,
but either give all away in charity, or bestow it in
building of Temples.
5. That his house be near the Church, where
he must retire himself, living recluse in Prayer.
6. That he must live purer than others, both
.bn 066.png
.pn +1
in frequent washings and dyet, and also sequester
himself from his Wife in time of her pollutions.
7. That he be learned, and knowing all the
several Books of Zertoost, as well the Astrological
and Physical parts, as the other.
8. That he must never eat and drink excessively.
9. That he fear no body but God, and sin; and
not fear what Lucifer can do to him.
10. That God having given him power in matters
of the soul; therefore when any man sins he
may tell him of it, be he never so great; and
every man is to obey him, as one that speaketh
not his own cause, but Gods.
11. That he be able to discern in what manner
God comes to reveal himself, in what manner
Lucifer.
12. That he reveal not what God manifesteth
to him by Visions.
13. That he keep an ever-living fire, that never
may go out; which being kindled by that fire
that Zertoost brought from heaven, may endure
for all ages, till fire shall come to destroy all the
world, and that he say his prayers over it.
This is a Summary of those precepts contained
in the book of their Law, that Zertoost is by them
affirmed to bring from heaven; and that religion
which Gustasph with his followers embraced, perswaded
by the afore-mentioned Miracles wrought
by Zertoost among them.
The 3d. particular in this Tract is the rights
and ceremonies observed by this Sect, differencing
them from others.
First, Though their Law allows them great
liberty in meats and drinks; yet because they
will not displease the Banians and Moors, they
abstain from Kine and Hogsflesh; they eat
alone, and drink in several Cups.
.bn 067.png
.pn +1
2. They observe 6 Feasts in the Year, according
to the 6 works of the Creation.
3. As for their Fasts, after every one of their
Feasts they eat but one Meale a day for 5 days
together; and when they eat Flesh they carry
part of it to the Temple as an offering.
Their worship of Fire is taken from Zertoosts
bringing it from Heaven, and it being enjoyned
them: for the nature of it, that which he brought,
could not be extinguished; whether that be preferred
is unknown, but upon effect thereof they
are licensed to compose a fire of several mixtures,
which is of seven sorts; when they meet about
that ceremony bestowed on this Fire, the Destoore
or Herbood, together with the Assembly encompass
it about, and standing about 11 or 12
foot distance, the Destoore or Herbood uttereth this
speech. That forasmuch as Fire was delivered to
Zertoost their Law-giver from God Almighty,
who pronounced it to be his vertue and excellence,
that therefore they should reverence it, and not
abuse it in the ordinary use thereof, as to put water
in it, or spit in it, &c.
At the birth of a child the Daroo or Churchman
is sent for, who calculates the nativity of the
Child, and the Mother names it without any ceremony;
after this it is carried to the Church,
and water is poured thereon, and prayer used,
That God would cleanse it from the uncleanness of
the Father, and menstruous pollutions of the Mother.
At 7 years of age he is led by the Parents
into the Church to have Confirmation, where he
is taught Prayers, and instructed in Religion,
and being washed, he is cloathed in a linnen
Cassock, and other habits, which he ordinarily
wears, and so is admitted into their Sect.
.bn 068.png
.pn +1
They have a five-fold kind of marriage, for
which they have several terms; the most singular,
is that of hiring a mans Son or Daughter to be
marched to their dead Daughter or Son, with
whom they are contracted. The ceremony observed
in their Marriages is performed at Midnight,
not in the Church, but upon a bed, by two
Churchmen, one in behalf of the Man, the other
in behalf of the Woman, who ask if they are willing
to be married, and they joyn hands, the Man
promising to provide for the Woman, and give
her some Gold to bind her to him; and the Woman
promiseth all she hath is his; then the
Churchmen scattering rice, prays that they may
be fruitful, and so they conclude, celebrating the
Marriage feast for 8 days together.
As for burial they have two places or Tombs,
built of a round form, a pretty height from the
ground; within they are paved with stone, in a
shelving manner, in the midst a hollow pit to receive
the consumed bones; about the walls are
the shrowded and sheeted Carkasses laid both of
Men and Women, exposed to the open Air. These
2 Tombs are distant from one another; the one is
for the good livers, the other for the wicked.
When any are sick unto death, the Herbood is sent
for, who prays in the ears of the sick man: and
when he is dead he is carried on an Iron biere;
all who accompany them are interdicted all
speech; only the Churchman, when the body is
laid in the burial place, saith thus, This our Brother
whilst he lived consisted of the 4 Elements, now he
is dead let each take his own, Earth to Earth, Air
to Air, Water to Water, and Fire to Fire. This
done they pray to Sertun and Asud, that they
would keep the Devils from their deceased Brother
.bn 069.png
.pn +1
when he repairs to their holy fire to purge
himself; for they suppose the Soul wandreth three
days on the earth, in which time Lucifer molesteth
it; for security from which molestation, it
flyes to their fire, seeking preservation there;
which time concluded, it receiveth justice or reward,
Hell or Heaven; and therefore they for
those three days offer up Prayers Morning Noon
and Night, that God would be merciful to the
Soul departed, and forgive his sins. After three
days are expired they make a festival, and conclude
their mourning.
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2
CHAP. III.
.pm start_summary
The Arrival of the English Fleet, His entertaining
of six Englishmen, an account of whose Adventures
is promised him by one of the Company.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I had now spent several Months in my Voyage
by Sea, perambulations by Land, and observations
of the Country in general, and this more
particular discovery of the Laws and manners
both Civil and Ecclesiastical of the Inhabitants;
a just account whereof I have given you in the
foregoing Chapters: And now we dayly expected
the return of Ships from England, and therefore
every one provided to be furnished with all
things necessary against their arrival: The Merchants
who were resident on shore had every day
several sorts of commodities brought out of the
Country in Waggons drawn by Oxen, so that
their Storehouses were filled; and I for my part
provided my self with all sorts of Liquors and
Victuals that the Country afforded.
At the time usual the Fleet arrived, which consisted
of 4 Ships, whereof 3 was on the account
.bn 070.png
.pn +1
of the Company, and the 4th by their permission,
came as an Interloper: Those that came on account
of the Company were provided with all
things necessary, by the order of the Consul or
President; and the other Ships Company being
left to shift for themselves, took up my house for
their quarters. The chief of the Company that
lodged with me consisted of 6 persons, two whereof
seemed to be very handsome young men, of
about 18 years of age; these two were very well
respected, as well by the Captain as the others
his Companions; they were all very frolick, blith,
and merry, and several times laughed at several
adventures that had befall'n them during the
Voyage.
Though the Captain of this Ship came not on the
Companies account, yet he was very richly loaden,
and was directed to such persons of this Country as
would be sure to do his business for him; neither
was he a stranger therein, for he had been here
twice before, and was acquainted with most of the
Banians, who are so curious and diligent observers,
that if they see a man but once, if he ever
return, though several years after, yet they will
know him again, especially if they have had any
trading with them; and they have so good a conceit
of our Countrymen, that they will oftentimes
trust a Captain with 2 or 300l. worth of Commodities
from one year to another, only giving them
common interest; and as to their ordinary dealing
and bargaining, they are at a word, and there is money
to be saved by dealing with them, and trusting
them, for if you distrust them, then you shall pay so
much the more; if you trust them they will provide
your goods as cheap or cheaper than you can your
self do it, though never so well experienced therein;
I needed not to acquaint our Captain with any of
.bn 071.png
.pn +1
their fashions, for he well enough understood it
himself; but I assisted him and some of the rest in
exchanging their monies; for the Banians allow
no more for any Silver or Gold Coin than it weighs;
for it will never goe currant there, till it be changed
or minted into the Coin of the Country.
Four of my Guests, Viz. The Captain, and three
of the rest did employ themselves in looking after
the Ships unlading; but the other two, who were
the youngest (and therefore, as I thought, fittest
to take pains) did still stay at home in my house,
or else walk out for their recreation. This, and
some other things that I observed, made me curious
in my observations of them in all their actions,
suspecting they were either personages of greater
quality than ordinary, or that there was some
other mystery in the case: but they being as
cunning as my self concealed that from me which
I since knew, though I tryed them with several
speeches and discourses, in which I thought my
self cunning enough; I observed this, that these
two young men never lay together, but sometimes
the Captain lay with one of them, and another
person of his company with the other. The
greatest part of their business being for the present
dispatched, they often times staid at home and
feasted, where they drank off great quantities of
Persian Wine, and other the Country drinks, the
best I could get for them. They having all
drank one time to a good height, and being very
merry, the Captain asked which was the best
house for handsome Women now. I informed
him of the best I knew; but says he, yee have no
English Girls here, no said I, seldom any such
blessings come into this Country, we are forced
to content our selves with the brown Natives: I
believe, said the Captain, if these two young men,
.bn 072.png
.pn +1
William and George (for such was the names of
the two young men I spake of) were hansomly
drest in Womens cloaths, they would pass for hansom
Women. I then of a sudden turning my eyes
towards the parties he spake of, saw that their
cheeks were dy’d of a Vermilion hew, deeper than
lately they had acquired by drinking: This caused
me to distrust something; but the rest of the Company
falling into a kind of a laughter, which I supposed
was somewhat forced, they altered their discourse,
and began a fresh health to all their friends
in England, which I pledged them with a very
good will, telling them that I had some, whose
company I had heartily wished for; what are they,
said the Captain; Sir, said I, they are such as I
beleeve you love, that is, hansom Women in general;
and of these I had the good fortune to be
particularly and intimately acquainted with
several. At the ending of this discourse, I was
called for down to attend some of my guests who
were going, which having done, I again went up,
where I found the Captain and the rest in a standing
posture, ready likewise to be gone, at which I
wondred, but let them take their pleasures: So
five of my six guests left me, and he had gone too
had he not been a little flustred, and then a sleep.
After they were gone several thoughts possest my
mind of what these two youngest persons should
be; and it was long ere I could hit upon the right,
but having one person in the house, with whom I
was more intimate than the rest, I resolved to
use my utmost interest with him to be satisfyed:
he in few hours awaked, and would have been
gone after his companions; but I so far prevailed
with him, that he lay there that night; and because
I would have the better opportunity for my
discourse, I lay with him; when we were in Bed,
.bn 073.png
.pn +1
I told him, that I could heartily wish I could accommodate
him with a female Bedfellow; he replyed,
that would do very well; I offered my assistance
in procuring the best of our Country, but
he was cold in his reply; whereupon I told him,
that by that time he had been so long in
the Country as I had, he would be glad of
one of those whom I sometimes made a shift
to spend a night with: but continued I, I had
rather be at Mother Cr---- in Moorfields: Are
you acquainted there, replyed my Bedfellow,
yes, said I, and at most of those houses of hospitality
in or about London, to which Colledges I
was a good Benefactor; why, said my Bedfellow,
you have bin right; or else I had never come
hither, said I: whereupon I acquainted him with
many of my rambles about London, and gave him
such satisfaction in my discourse that he began to
be more free with me; and then I conjured him
to deal truly with me in resolving me one question,
to which he promised me, that he would: I having
gained thus much upon him, told him that my
request was to know what those two young persons
were, which were called William and George:
truly said he, you could not have asked me any thing
that I should be more unwilling to discover than
that; but since I have promised you I will tell
you, and that the truth without any disguise, provided,
you swear to me, not to discover or take
any notice thereof without my consent, to this I
agreed, and having sworn to him, he told me, that
they were not of those names, nor sex, that they
went for, but Women. I told him I had long since
doubted so much, and now I knew it, I would take
no notice thereof, but rather assist than hinder any
design wherein there was so much pleasure, for I
had bin as very a wag as any of them, and had in
.bn 074.png
.pn +1
my time run through as many and various adventures
as any man of my age; he hearing me
say so, asked me where I had lived, and the most
part of my life: I without any dissembling, gave
him a short account of my life, which so pleased
him, that we spent most part of the night therein,
and at my earnest request he promised me that
the next day, he would give me an account of his
life, and adventures, wherein said he, you will find
so many different chances of fortune, as had hardly
befallen any man, and I hope said he, I shall be
able to give you a good account thereof: for since
my coming from England, I have had time to recollect
my self, of some things that else I had forgotten,
but now I have placed the chief passages
of my life into such a Method, as I shall be very
exact in; though I was impatient to hear what
he promised me, yet the night being far spent,
sleep seized on us both for some hours, but awaking
in the morning, and putting him in mind of
his promise, after a mornings draught taken, and
a command that none should interrupt us, he
began as follows.
.bn 075.png
.pn +1
.pb
.if h
.il fn=i_b_049.jpg w=500px ew=90%
.if-
.if t
.hr 90%
.if-
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.h2 nobreak
CHAP. IV.
.pm start_summary
The Traveller describeth the place of his birth and
Parents, the death of his elder Brother, and how
through the perswasion of his Father; he resolved
to follow thieving.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I was born in Goldin-Lane, a place scituate in
the Suburbs of London, my Fathers name was
Isaac, and by reason of his small stature was commonly
called little Isaac, being a native of the
same place, and by profession a Cobler; but such
was his courage that he was much troubled when
any one called him Cobler; and would reply,
that he was a Translator, or a Transmographer
of shooes. His Wife, who I believe was my
Mother, was named Ursula; she was in the beginning
of her dayes one of those sort of people
that we call Gipsies, or Canting-Beggars, and my
Father travelling into the Country, and wanting
money to pay for a bed at night, he was forced
to take up his lodging in a barn, where he first
came to be acquainted with my Mother; whether
they were ever married or no, I cannot tell,
though I suppose they only took each others
words, as being willing to save the charge of a
Priests-hire. But notwithstanding the darkness
of her complexion (as those sort of people commonly
.bn 076.png
.pn +1
have,) there is not so bad a Jill, but there
is as bad a Jack, for it was not long before she
hornifid my Father by a Banbury Tinker: which
thing was so well known amongst the neighbors,
that they would commonly make horns with their
fingers, and point at him as he passed along the
streets. My eldest brother at seven years of age
attained to such ingenuity that he seldom carried
home any mended shooes to a Gentlemans or
Citizens house, but he would filch either linnen,
silver-spoons, or something else of worth, which
by negligent servants was not laid up safely;
which trade he drave for some space of time,
being by reason of his childish years not in the
least suspected, but the pitcher goes not so often
to the well, but at length it comes broken home:
In processe of time he was taken with the theft,
and for the same carried to Newgate, where poor
little Angel (peace be with him) he dyed in prison,
under the pennance of a discipline which was
applied to him with a little too much rigour.
Our whole family smarted in his punishment,
my father sighed, my mother sobbed, and I wanted
my part of those dainty morsels, which his
theft furnished us withall, for by him my father
drave a pretty trade; having those who always
furnished him with ready money for whatsoever
he brought, and indeed his loss would have
utterly disconsolated my father, but the great
hopes that he had in mee, who was now come to
the same age that my brother was of when he
first began to exercise his gifts in the mystery of
theivery; and that I might tread the same steps
that my brother had done before me, my father
(upon a certain day, when my mother and he and
.bn 077.png
.pn +1
I were alone by our selves) began thus for to endoctrinate
me.
My son (said he) the profession of a thief is not
of so base repute as the world gives it out, considering
what brave men have in former times
exercised themselves in this way: I have heard
the Clerk of our parish say, who I assure you was
a well read man, that Robin Hood that famous
thief was in his yonger dayes Earl of Huntingdon;
and that Alexander the Great was no better
then a thief in robbing other Princes of their
Kingdoms and Crowns. (This it seems he spake
in vindication of the Sexton, who used to rob the
dead corps of their sheets and shirts, and those other
necessaries which they carried along with them in
their voyage to heaven.) I tell thee he who steales
not, knows not how to live in this world, nay
doth not almost each thing in the world teach us
for to steal? doe we not see youth steal upon
infancy, manhood steale upon youth, and old age
upon manhood, until at last death stealeth upon
us undiscern’d and bringeth us to our long homes:
How doth summer steal on the spring, autumn
on summer, and winter on autumn, untill all the
whole year is stole out of our sight. Pray what
doe rich Farmers and griping Cormorants, but
steal when they exact in their prices of corn, and
grind the faces of the poor; and how can shop-keepers
wipe off the aspersion of theft from
themselves when they sell a commodity for twice
the worth of it, and thereby cozen the buyer; so
that we see if things be rightly scanned, there be
more thieves in the world than only Taylors,
Millers, and Weavers. And what I pray you
makes Serjants, Bayliffs, and Catchpoles so to
.bn 078.png
.pn +1
envy us, and persecute us as they doe, but that
one trade still envies and malignes another; and
would by their good wills suffer no other theives
but themselves; this it is that makes them so
double diligent in the surprizal of us, though
oftentimes our craft forestals their malice, as I
shall instance to you in one memorable example.
My self and two of my comrades had agreed
to rob a rich Usurer, whose younger brother having
vitiously wasted his estate, was forced to take
this his brothers house for sanctuary, where he
kept as close as a snail in his shell, unless only at
such times when as he imagined the darkness of
the night might shrewd him in obscurity, he so
dreaded these shoulder clappers, who stick closer
to a man than a bur on his cloak, for being once
got into their clutches, you may as soon wring
Hercules club out of his fist, as get free from their
fingers; and herein have thieves a great priviledge
over debters, for the most notorious thief that
ever was, once in a months time he is carted out
of prison, as others for smaller matters are freed
from durance by following the cart, where a fellow
with a catt of nine tayles doth play him such
a lesson, as makes him to skip and mount for joy
of his deliverance; but with a poor debter the
case is far different, for being once in prison, the
best teame of Horses that ever drew in a waggon,
cannot draw him out from thence without a silver
hook.
But to speak of that (some) which more properly
belongs unto thee (for I suppose thou wilt never
attain to such credit as for to be laid up in prison
for debt,) by the help of a servant of the house, who
.bn 079.png
.pn +1
went sharers with us in our prey, we got a false
key made to the back door, whereby (one night)
we attained an easie entrance, and loaded our
selves, to our hearts content; but in our return
one of our companions chanced to sneeze, and
therewithal brake wind so violently behind, that
it waked the old usurer, who suspitious of the least
noise presently cryed out Thieves, thieves: Trusty
Roger his man was very ready to rise at first allarm,
fearing that our discovery might prove prejudicial
to his liberty, and lighting a candle, pretended to
search every hole in the house, into which it was
possible for a mouse to enter; In the meane time
we lay close, yet not, unperceived by this false
servant, who very formally told his Master that
all was safe and well, and that he might take his
rest without any fear; But the dread of his hearing
us prolonged our stay, so long, that day began
to approach, whereupon fearing more danger from
without than from within, we prepared for our departure,
but having opened the door, we found
that we had leapt out of the frying pan into the
fire, and by shunning Scylla were fallen into Charibdis,
for four of these Catchpoles were waiting
at the door for the Usurers brother, having intelligence
belike that he used to make the dusky
morning and dark evening the two shrowds that
carried him safely out and into his Brothers house;
Now I going out of the door first, one of these robustious
fellows laid hands upon me, taking me
for the party they waited for, my two companions
endeavouring to rescue me were seized on by the
other three Baylifs, so that we seeing no hopes
of escape, resolved to cry whore first, and with
.bn 080.png
.pn +1
full mouth cryed out Thieves, thieves; Trusty
Roger and the man that should have been arrested,
hearing this cry, took weapons in their hands, and
out of doors they came, where Roger soon perceiving
how the business went ah you Rogues
(said he) doe you come to rob my Master? and thereupon
laid so nimbly about him, being seconded
by the other, that the Bailiffs were glad to let us
go to defend themselves. Whilest they were thus
busied in pelting each other, we slipped away with
our prize, and to take a full revenge of those
Catch-poles, raised several of the neighbors, whom
we sent to the apprehending of the Bayliffs, whilest
we marched away in safety; what became of them
afterwards I doe not know, onely this I tell thee,
to let thee see that there is not any danger whatsoever
so great, but by wit and cunningness may
be avoided. This story I heard with great attention
which so wrought upon my mind that I
thought my self no less than a second Robin Hood
or little John, and thereupon resolved to put in
speedy execution my fathers dictates which yet
proved very unfortunate to me, as you will finde
by that which follows.
.bn 081.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. V.
.pm start_summary
His robbing of Orchards, how he was cachett by a
Night-spell; the extremity their family was
brought unto, and how to relieve it, he robbed
a Grocer.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My mind being thus fully fixt to follow thieving,
I began my trade in robbing of Orchards,
returning home with laden thighs, the trophies,
and spoils of Cherry-trees, Pear-trees, and
Plum-trees. My mother instead of correcting me
for what I had done, encouraged me to proceed on
as I had begun; for indeed hunger had pinched us
sorely ever since my brothers death, my fathers credit
being so eclipsed thereby, that until people saw
he would mend his life, scarce any one would employ
him to mend their shoes. One Orchard I especially
haunted it being stor’d with most gallant fruit,
whose very looks me thought did cry, Come eat me:
but so often I frequented the same, especially one
tree of more choice fruit than all the rest, that
the owner of the Orchard (being a rich miserable
chuff, and one who knew on which side his bread
was butter’d) began to mistrust the same, and
therefore that his apples might not depart away
without first taking leave of him, he resolved for
.bn 082.png
.pn +1
the future to prevent the same, and having some
little skill in negromancy, against my next coming
he inchanted his Orchard with a Night-spel.
This he placed at the four corners of his Orchard,
in the hour of Mars, and is of such force being
rightly applyed, that who ever comes within the
bounds thereof, must be forced to stay there till
Sun-rising. Now I that knew not any thing of
what was done, according to my accustomed
course, having the dark night for my coverture,
boldly enter’d the Orchard, with winged haste
ascended upon one of the trees, where having
filled a bag with Apples which my mother had
furnished me withal for that purpose, I thought
to depart away as formerly I had done, but
the case was quite alter’d from what was before;
for I found my self in such a Labyrinth that
the best clue of my invention could not winde me
out; Here did I wander about with my bag on
my shoulders (having not the power in the least
to lay it down) till such time as Aurora begun to
usher in the day, when the old chuff enter’d the
Orchard to see what fish his net had caught, resolving
with severity to punish the Caitifs that
had stoln away his goods, but in stead of a Gudgeon
finding but a sprat, beholding my Childish
years, he could not imagine me to be the Author
of so much wrong as he had received; and thereupon
altering his resolution of breaking arms and
leggs as he first intended, he stepped back to his
house & fetched from thence a great burchin rod,
the instrument wherewith he intended to chastise
me withal, with much silence he approached unto
me; (for a words speaking would dissolve the
.bn 083.png
.pn +1
charm) and having with some strugling untrust
my Breeches, laying me over his knee, he began
to exercise the office of a Pedagogue upon me;
now I having for some space of time before
eaten nothing but green fruit, had gotten a
terrible looseness, which with the fright that I
was in, and the smart that I felt, wrought such
effects in my belly, that opening my posteriors, I
discharged a whole volley of excrements in his
face. This action of mine made him at once to
shut his eyes, open his mouth, and unloose his
hands, so that the charm being broken, and my
body at liberty, I quickly conveyed my self out
of the Orchard, leaving the old catterpillar in a
very stinking condition, not to be remedied without
the benefit of that cleansing element of
water.
Warned by this disaster, I was very fearful to
enter into any more Orchards, and indeed had I
met no Remora in my proceedings, yet this trade
would soon have failed, for not long after the
Apples were all transplated out of the Orchard
into the Cellar, and winter began to hasten on
apace. And now hunger which will not be treated
withal without bread, began to reign Lord and
King in our family; the Chandler would let us
have no more cheese for chalk, nor peny loaves
for round O’s, we had made a black poast white
already with our score, and his belief would extend
no further to trust us for any more: nay the
very Ale-house-keeper (to whom we were such constant
customers) was now grown such a Nullifidian,
that he would not believe us for small-beer,
wherefore we were forced to make a vertue of
necessity, and to prevent starving, our houshold
.bn 084.png
.pn +1
goods marched away one after another; the first
thing that we sold was the Cup-board as the
most unnecessary thing in all the house, having no
victuals to put therein; soon after followed the
Table as an appendix to it, for seeing the Table
will hold no victuals thereon for us to eat, we in
revenge thereof did eat up the Table; That (with
some joynt-stools belonging to it) being devoured
and gone, our stomacks were so hot that it soon
melted away the pewter dishes; for we considered
with our selves that good meat might be eaten
out of wooden platters; then followed the napkins
and table-cloaths, for we were not so much
cloyed with fat meat but that a little linnen would
serve to wipe the greace off of our fingers; in fine
this pinching hunger was the Habeas corpus that
removed all our goods out of the House unto the
Brokers, and now our dwelling place corresponded
with our bellies, being alike both empty.
In this comfortless condition we remained for
the space of three days, having neither money nor
any thing to make money of; being thus sadly
necessitated, my father and I set our witts upon
the Tenter-hooks which way to recruit our decayed
estate, many inventions we had for that
purpose, and present necessity urged us to make
a speedy use of one of them, which not long after
we brought to pass in this manner.
It being then winter time, the Evenings long
and dark, we bought a Link for three pence, the
remainder of our whole estate; with this about ten
of the clock in the night we marched out, resolving
to fasten on the fairest opportunity that should present
.bn 085.png
.pn +1
its self to our sight; many streets we traversed,
but found not any thing that might answer either
our intent or expectation. Coming at last to Basing-lane,
and casting our wandring eyes into a
Shop, we there espyed a Grocer telling of money
on a Counter, being lighted only by a single
candle; this made for our purpose, whereupon
my father planting himself, I boldly entered the
Shop, desiring him to give me leave to light my
Link; which being granted, I with the same soon
popt out his Candle, snatching up a handful of
mony, ran out of the doors with the same as fast
as I could; the Grocer hasted after me amain, in
the mean time my father stept into the shop, and
took away the remainder of the mony. My
nimbleness had soon out stripped the Grocer, who
returned back, and found that the Devil might
dance upon his Counter, for there was never a
cross to keep him from it. About an hour after
we met together at home, where having counted
our purchase, we found it amounted to seven
pounds eighteen shillings and six pence. So long
as this mony lasted, the pot, the spit, and pitcher
was never idle; but what was thus got over the
Devils back was soon spent under his belly, and
in a short time we were reduced to as great want
as we were in before.
.bn 086.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. VI.
.pm start_summary
He cheateth a Cutler, afterwards robbeth a bacon
man, his father is prest away for a Soldier,
his mother dyeth, and he being left alone goeth
to live with an uncle, where he acteth many
Rogueries.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Necessity is the best whetstone to sharpen the
edge of a mans invention, when the gutts begin
to grumble against the belly for want of food,
oh in what a confusion is then this little microcosme
of ours? how is the invention rack’d, tortur’d and
stretched forth to supply that defect, my hungry
belly found this to be too true, which made me set
my wits on work for a speedy remedy; a project
quickly came into my head, but to effect the same
I wanted mony; this was a double task for me to
doe, but a willing minde overcomes all difficulties;
away went I to a Cutlers, where in the cheapning of
one knife, I stole another, and lest the Cutler should
mistrust me, I came up to his price, but pretended I
had forgotten my mony, and therefore must goe
home and fetch it. This stoln knife I sold for a groat,
which money I intended for a bait to catch a bigger
fish; some few streets I traversed before my project
.bn 087.png
.pn +1
would fasten, at last coming to Warwick Lane I
saw in a Bacon-shop a fellow standing in a pocket
blew-apron whose innocent looks gave me confident
hopes of a golden prize; in I went and
asked him the price of a pound of bacon, six
pence boy said he of the rib, and four pence of
the gammon; then give me a pound of the
gammon (said I) and here is a groat the whole
estate of a poor boy who hath been a long time
in getting the same. Whilest he was weighing it
I told him I had a curst mother in law, who fed
me only with a bit and a knock, which made me
to go with an empty belly and a heart full of sorrow;
that if shee should know I were in possession
of so eatable a commodity, she would take it from
me, and that she did often search my pocket for
that purpose: I therefore desired him to prevent
the worst that might happen, to put the same
down my back betwixt my doublet and shirt,
which whilst he was doing, I leaning my head
against him, with a short knife cut the pocket out
of his apron, and having thanked him very kindly,
away I went, leaving my poor Bacon-man with
a bottomless pennyless pocket.
My purchased prize was about thirty shillings,
of which some four of it was in brass farthings;
but all was currant coyn that came into my
hands, for I made no scruple at all in the receiving
it; with this I returned home, thinking to be
received with much joy, as having gotten that in
my pocket which would make us all merry, but
the case was quite alter’d from what was before;
my mother was on a sudden fallen sick, my father
pressed for a soldier, & hurried away. This much
abated the edge of my mirth, but my years not
.bn 088.png
.pn +1
being capable of much sorrow, although my Mothers
death ensued not long after, yet it was soon
over, and indeed her outward condition was so
deplorable, it had been almost impiety to have
wished her longer life.
Now though my condition was bad enough before,
yet by my Mothers death it was much
worse; I was now left to the wide world, friendless,
monyless, and pittyless, for not any one of
the neighbors would give me entertainment, expecting
no good fruit from the loyns of such a
bad stock. To follow my trade of theiving I
began to dread, for every line, rope, & halter that
I saw, methoughts did admonish me to leave it
off, for fear I came home short at last, and to follow
the occupation of begging was then a very
bad time to begin in, it being about the depth
of winter: at last I remembred my Mother had
a brother, a Barber-Chyrurgion, living in St. Martins;
thither I went, acquainted him with his
sisters death, my own sad condition, and what a
boy I would prove if it would please him to give
me entertainment; he being ignorant of the
trade that I drove, and moved with compassion
at my pittiful tale, told me if I performed what I
promised, I should not want for any thing he
could assist me in: hereupon I was had into the
house, and though my Aunt scowled on me, my
Uncle commanded my rags to be taken off, and
a suit of one of my Cousins put upon me, as being
the more durable, although my own were a thousand
strong.
Having thus with the snake cast my skin, and
attained to good diet and lodging, I quickly began
to be as brisk as a body-Lowse, and to vapour
.bn 089.png
.pn +1
amongst the boys like a Crow in a Gutter; and
(notwithstanding my promise) my mind was now
wholly fixt upon Roguery, but in a lower orb than
what I practised before, tending rather to mirth
then much mischief; to doe this I had several inventions,
according as time and place were convenient;
one of my first exployts was, that being
sent of an errand to a Grocers shop in a frosty
morning, where was a pan of coals to warm their
fingers, I secretly conveyed therein some Guinney
peper, which set the Prentices in such a violent
coughing fit that they were not able to speak to
a Customer; their Mistress hearing this noise below,
came running down staires, where senting
the matter, she began to speak aloud at both ends,
and being something laxative by drinking of Sider,
she bewrayed in what a condition she was in by
what was scattered on the floar.
Sometimes would I in a clean place where wenches
were to pass, lay a train of Gun-powder;
and at the very instant that they went along, set
fire to it, which was a great pleasure to my Worship
to see how the poor Girles would skip and
leap, just like a horse when he hath a nettle
under his tayle. At other times in the night
would I tye a line from one side of the street to
the other about half a foot high, whereby those
that came next were sure to have a fall; nay I
could not forbear to act my Rogueries in the
Church it self, having a Goose-quill filled with lice
and fleas, which I would purchase of the Beggars
for broken meat; these would I blow into the
necks of the daintiest Gentlewomen that I could
see. At other times would I with a needle and
.bn 090.png
.pn +1
thread (which I always carried about with me in
my pocket) sow mens cloaks and womens Gowns
together as they stood in the Crowd, so that when
they went away, there would be such pulling of
one another, that they would never leave until
one of their Garments had a piece of it rent
out.
Amongst other instruments of mischief wherewith
I exercised my self, one was a hallow trunck
to shoot with, in which I was such an artist that I
seldome mist hitting the mark I aimed at; and
that I might be the better undiscovered I on purpose
brake a hole in the glass-window, through
which I used to shoot at my pleasure, scarce could
an oyster-wench or Kitching-stuff wench pass by,
but I would hit her on the neck, hands, or some
naked place, which would set her a rayling and
scolding for a quarter of an hour together at she
knew not whom. One Monday morning a shoo-makers
maid had been fetching a great pitcher
of beer for the Crispins to begin their weeks work
withall; now as she sayled along with the pitcher
in her hand, which with the weight thereof drew
her quite a one side, to prevent the wenches
growing crooked thereby, I levell’d so right that
I hit her on the fingers, so that down came the
pitcher, and with the weight thereof brake all in
pieces, and spilt the good liquor; the poor wench
cryed pittyfully, the Crispins stormed for loosing
their mornings draughts, and being informed it
was I that did it, they vowed to be revenged on
me, which not long after they brought to
pass.
For I that could not live without Roguery no
.bn 091.png
.pn +1
more then a fish without water, still continued my
trade notwithstanding all their threats. One day
whilest I was watching for my prey, thorow the
hole of the glass-window aforesaid, there came by a
man with a basket of drinking-glasses on his head;
scarce was he past me, when I saluted him with a
dirt-bullet on the Calf of his leg, which made him
give such a leap, that down came the basket with
the glasses clattering upon the stones, making such
a murther amongst them, that never was a Citizen
(though he owed ten thousand pound more then he
was worth) so much broken as they. The fellow
seeing his glasses thus mortified, cursed most bitterly,
breathing forth nothing but revenge, if he did
but know who it was that did it. I who was conscious
of my own guilt, hearing him so to thunder,
thought some of his anger might lighten on me,
and therefore to prevent the worst, I ran up the
stairs, and hid my self under the bed; but he that
hath a bad name is worse then half hang’d, the
shoomakers who I had mischiefed before, right or
wrong, said positively that it was I, urging him
on to revenge hiself on my Uncles glass-windows;
the fellow who was easily induced to believe
what they said, and to act accordingly,
made no more adoe but up with his empty basket,
and to revenge his quarrel made such havock
of the windows, that there was scarcely ever a
quarrel left. O how did my Uncle look, and my
Aunt scold to see their house thus metamorphosed
into the shape of a Bawdy-house; but it was in
vain for them to complain, every one took the
mans part, and laid all the blame of the mischief
upon me; hereupon was a privy search made
.bn 092.png
.pn +1
all the house over for me, and being found my
poor buttocks paid full dearly for the breaking of
the windows, my Aunt standing by all the while
to see execution done upon me, and urging my
Uncle on to beat me, for which I cursed her in
my heart most bitterly.
.bn 093.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. VII.
.pm start_summary
He discovers his Aunts playing loose with a Shopkeeper,
his Vncles invective against women.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My Aunts unkindness to me vexed me to
the heart, so that I vowed to my self to
be revenged on her; the print of the rod did not
stick so fast on my buttocks as the remembrance
of her words did stick in my minde; I was not
so watched by Argus as I watched her, for I
knew that women were subject to many faults,
and my Aunt as subject as any of the rest; One
Shopkeeper used constantly to haunt our house,
not a day passed in which we had not his company;
This man my uncle entertained with very
much respect, for what reason I know not, unless
it were that of the Poets.
.pm start_poem
Experience plainly doth unto us shew,
Cuckolds are kind to them that make them so.
.pm end_poem
One day my Uncle went forth to dress a patient,
no sooner was he gone but the Shopkeeper was
there; Now our whole family consisted only of
four persons, my Uncle and Aunt, a maid and my
.bn 094.png
.pn +1
self; in order therefore for their more privacy, the
maid was sent to the market to buy eggs, and
my self had liberty to go forth to play; I kindely
thanked my Aunt for this courtesie, and taking
my hatt, with a seeming forwardness pretended
to go forth: but clapping to the door on the in
side, I softly sneaked back and hid my self under
the staires, where undiscerned I could plainly see
all the passages between my Aunt and the Shopkeeper.
He thinking us gone, took my Aunt by
the hand, and clasping his arm about her neck, fell
to kissing her with as much eagerness as a hungry
dog snatcheth at a bone; no doubt but her lips
were very sweet, for he was still hanging at them
as if he had taken a lease of them for three lives;
at last my Aunt began to struggle (I suppose for
want of breath) and opening her mouth (which I
wisht a hundred times had been closed eternally)
she thus said to him: No pish, why do you thus
trifle? now that the Coast is clear, let us take time
by the for-lock lest we be prevented of our design:
in sooth you are so long about the prologue, as may
chance to marr the Comedy; make not such a long
stop at the porch, but enter loves Cittadel, and ransack
all her treasures, and so giving him a short
kiss, hand in hand up stairs they went. No sooner
were they gone, but I slipt out of my peeping
hole, and coming to the door at the stairs foot,
softly locked the same, and putting the key in
my pocket, with as little noyse conveyed my self
out of the house.
Thus whilest they were playing their game, I resolved
to play mine, and hiring a Porter, sent him
to my Uncle, to certifie him that my Aunt was
.bn 095.png
.pn +1
swounded away, and laid upon the bed in such
a condition as would grieve him to the heart to
behold it, desiring him to make all the haste home
that possibly he could; and having given him his
message, I stept aside to a neighbors house to
observe (when my uncle came home) how the
project would take.
The Porter quickly dispatched his errand, and
my Uncle suddenly posted home, where entering
the house and finding not any one within, he began
first to call for the maid, then for me, and
last of all for my Aunt; but receiving no answer,
he attempted to go up stairs, when the locksmiths
daughter denyed him entrance. The two Lovers
(who by this time had verified the saying to be
true, that a man may be made a Cuckold in the
short time of going to a neighbors house, as well
as going a voyage to the West-Indies) hearing
my Uncle below, were almost distracted with this
surprize; my Aunt dreaded my Uncles anger,
knowing him to be of a very chollerick disposition;
and the poor Shopkeeper feared to be served as
the Country Clown served the Curate whom he
took in bed with his wife, and whom he thus
menaced.
.pm start_poem
Make me a Cuckold, reading Rogue:
No pulpit serve but Susan’s,
Must Susan’s smock your pulpit be?
Ile take away that Nusance.
And though Priest wept, and wife did beg,
Churl slighted words and tears,
And at one gash from Curate took
Musquet and Bandaliers.
.pm end_poem
.bn 096.png
.pn +1
This feare of loosing his generals made him to
shake worse than if he had had a Tertian ague,
and therefore to prevent it he crept underneath
the bed, whilest my Aunt went down stairs intending
to smother up all with a dissembling kiss; but
when she saw the door was fast, and my uncle
asked her why she locked it? she could not tell
what answer to make at present; but being well
principled in the mysteries of Venus, she soon recollected
her self, and with a sorrowfull voice (as
if she had been sick of a feaver for a fortnight together)
she pewled out these words: Ah dear
Husband (said she) I was lately taken with such a
great swimming in my head, as not able to sit up
longer, I was forced to go up stairs and lie down
upon the bed; in the mean time I suppose your unhappy
kinsman (who minds nothing but mischief)
hath in revenge of me for causing him to be beaten,
locked the door, and thrown away the key. Whilest
she was thus exclaiming on me, I came in puffing
and blowing as seeming quite orewearied with
play, and as if ignorant of what had hapned, asked
very earnestly what was the matter? My Aunt
though she were mue’d up like a hawk, yet hearing
my tongue, could not forbear to vend her
spleen against me in these words: You impudent
young Rogue (said she) doe you act mischief and
then plead ignorance? O that I were but well for
thy sake, I would make every limb of thee feel the
weight of my displeasure, concluding her invective
with as horrid a yelling as an old woman grown
hoars with crying of Sprats, or as a company of
dogs when they bark at the Moon.
My Uncle who was of the same nature that other
Cuckolds are commonly of, to believe whatsoever
.bn 097.png
.pn +1
their Wife doe say unto them, hearing her so positively
to affirm it was I that did it, he began
presently to ransack my pockets for the key, protesting
if he found the same about me, he would
make me an example of his severity. But I who
always dreaded what might ensue, to prevent such
after claps, had before bestowed the same in a
house of office. No sooner had my Uncle examined
my pockets, (where was not any thing to
be found that might do me a prejudice,) but I
began to enveigh against my Aunts malice in
blaming my innocency, and to perswade him it
could be no other then some thief, who whilest
my Aunt slept, having locked the door, had hid
himself in one of the Chambers. This though it
carried but little show of probability in it, yet
the fear of loosing his Mammon made him believe
any thing, and therefore presently sent me for a
Smith to break open the door, which being done,
we all three ascended the stairs to search for his
hidden Thief, although my Aunt vehemently
urged the contrary, alleadging it was impossible
that any one should go up the stairs but she must
needs hear them; how ever my uncle would not
be so pacified, but searching about, he at last spyed
the poor Shopkeeper as he lay shaking underneath
the bed half dead with fear. But when he saw who
it was, turning to my Aunt he said, You impudent
whore, do you abuse me thus? you could feign sickness
with a pox to you, when you were so rampant as
to Cornute me in my absence: is this your pretended
chastity and reservation? I shall take a time when to
be even with you; In the mean time Master Shopkeeper
(said he) I will have my pennyworths out of you, and
.bn 098.png
.pn +1
thereupon falling on him with his fists, (anger
giving him at once both strength and courage) he
so buffeted the Shopkeeper, that had not the
Smith interposed, I suppose he would go near to
have killed him; but after an hundred or above
of blows, the Smith stepped in betwixt them, giving
the Shopkeeper liberty to run away, bearing
along with him the marks of my Uncles anger, which
he wore as badges in his face for a long time after.
My Aunt seeing how bad the Shopkeeper had
sped, and knowing the business too apparent to be
denied, fell down on her knees, desiring my Uncle
to pardon her for what was past, and protesting
amendment for the time to come; this her humiliation
much mollified the edge of my Uncles
anger, who in stead of beating her (which I
heartily wished) fell a railing on the whole sex of
women in general, in these or the like words.
O Nature! why didst thou create such a plague
for men as women; how happy were men had they
never been; oh why could not Nature infuse the
gift of procreation in men alone without the help
of women? then should we never be acquainted
with the deceitful devices of those Devils, Harpies,
Cockatrices, the very Curse of man, dissembling
monsters, only patcht up to cozen and gull men;
borrowing their Hair from one, Complexions from
another, nothing of their own that’s pleasing, all
dissembled, not so much as their very breath is sophisticated
with Amber pellets and kissing causes,
and all to train poor man unto his ruine. A woman
shee’s an Angel at ten, a Saint at fifteen, a Devil
at forty, and a Witch at fourscore, so stufft with
.bn 099.png
.pn +1
vice as leaves no place for vertue to inhabit; of
such crooked conditions, and corrupt actions, that
if all the world were paper, the Sea inke, trees and
plants, penns, and all men Clerks, Scribes, and
Notaries, yet would all that paper be scribled over,
the inke wasted, penns worn to the stumps, and all
the Scriveners weary, before they could describe the
hundredth part of a womans wickedness, so that I
may very well conclude with the Poet.
.pm start_poem
There is not one good woman to be found;
And if one were, she merits to be crown’d.
.pm end_poem
This my Uncles invective puts me in mind of
a story which I have heard since, concerning the
scarcity of good women, that above five hundred
years agone, there was a great sickness almost
throughout the whole world, wherein there dyed
forty four millions, eight hundred seventy two
thousand, six hundred and eighty three good women,
and of bad women only two hundred and fourteen;
by reason whereof there hath been such a scarcity
of good women ever since, the whole breed of them
being then almost utterly extinct.
.bn 100.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. VIII.
.pm start_summary
His Aunt and the maid joyn together, and by
a blinde wager make him to be laughed and
hooted at by the boyes; he is soundly revenged
on them both for the same.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Never was Prentice more subject to a Master
then my Aunt was to my Uncle, after the
discovery of her leachery; his desires were commands,
and those commands laws which were by
her put in speedy execution, if he bid her go, she
would run; doe that, it was no sooner said then
done, but the greatest miracle of all was, that if
she were never so busy in talking, yet if he said
but peace, she would suddenly hold her tounge,
which before used to be in perpetual motion, and
was as hard to be stopped as a stream when it
hath overflowne its banks, or the sails of a mill
when the wind blows in its greatest violence, so that
a serene sky seemed to have succeeded that storm
that all things were pacified, and that my Uncle
had contentedly put his horns in his pocket.
But though she carried fair weather in her
countenance, she had storms of revenge in her
heart towards me; for she did more than conjecture
that it was I which had caused her all this
.bn 101.png
.pn +1
mischief; and therefore since she durst not vend her
spleen upon me her self, she used the help of her
Maid, who brought the same to pass after this
manner.
One evening (my uncle being abroad) whilest
she, the maid and I were sitting alone by the fire,
after some other discourse, the maid profer’d to lay
a wager with me that I could not blindfolded with
my tongue lick forth a six pence from betwixt her
breasts, this I thought so easy a thing to do, that I
willingly laid a shilling with her on the same, and
presently accorded for to be blinded: which whilest
she was doing, my Aunt (as it was before agreed)
stepped forth of doors, and called in a Boy who was
to act their design, as also some of the neighbours
to be spectators of this my folly. Now in stead
of the Maids brest, the Boyes Hose were put down,
and his naked breech exposed to be the object for
me to lick, which I greedily persued: but presently
hearing a gigling, and senting a ranck smell, I soon
desisted, as being very apprehensive what the
matter was. But when I was unblinded, and beholding
my shame before my eyes, I hung down my
head and look't like a dog that had stole a pudding,
much blaming my credulity, and bitterly cursing
the great cause of that their jollity.
For a long time after I could not walk the streets,
I was so laughed and hooted at by the Boyes, my
Aunt and the Maid having spread the same abroad
in every place, flesh and blood could not endure this,
to see my enemies triumph in my shame, so that
nothing now ran in my mind but revenge, the
very thought of mischief was more sweet unto me
than Muscadine and Eggs, and soon I thought upon
.bn 102.png
.pn +1
a way for to do it. One of our neighbours who
beared a little love to my Aunt, as she did to me, or
loyalty to my Uncle, having a burning glass, I imparted
my project unto him, who applauding my
invention, willingly lent me the same; thus fitted
with an instrument, I soon found out an opportunity
to work my revenge. My Aunt being extreamly
proud, used to wear Lawn Ruffs of a great value.
One Sun-shiney day, sitting in the Shop a sowing
with her back towards me, I took the burning-glass,
and by attracting the Sun-beams set her Ruffs on
a flame about her neck, which made her to shreik
and bellow most hiddeously; whereupon I started
up, and as if affrighted snatched up a payl of
dirty water away from the Maid wherewith she
was washing the Kitchin, and poured the same
on my Aunts head; this though it made her to
look like a Bawd that was newly alighted from
the Cart wherein she had ridden for the sin of
leachery, did she take as a great courtesie at my
hands, having thereby extinguisht the fire wherein
otherwise she might (she said) have perisht; not
in the least judging it was I that did it, but imputing
it as a just Judgment upon her for her intollerable
pride, and vowing thereafter to be more
humble in her carriage, and loving unto me.
Now though I thought I had plenary satisfaction
for my abuse, of my Aunt, yet I resolved that the
maid should in no case go scotfree, but that her disgrace
should be equal to mine; Being thus resolved, I
procur’d some Emmets Eggs by the help of a Countryman;
the nature of which are, that being taken, in
broth posset, ale, or the like, they will set the parties
.bn 103.png
.pn +1
on farting, as if they would break their very
twatling strings therewith. The very next day
after I had gotten them, my Uncle had invited
some Guests to dinner, wherefore I resolved to
put my resolution in execution then. That morning
the maid to strengthen her the better to go
through her work, had provided her self a Caudle,
she being of the same nature that most women
are of, to know very well what is good for themselves,
no sooner was her back turned, but I conveyed
the Eggs into the same, which she very
freely drank off, but presently her Belly began to
wamble, and her back-side proclaimed aloud that
she was very much troubled with winde; such
loud reports she gave, and so fast they came one
after another, that the good wife in the Tale of
the Fryer and the Boy, was a meer nothing to her.
I could not forbear laughing if I should have been
hang’d to hear how fast she trumpt it about, which
gave her occasion to mistrust that I had done
something unto her; but when she went to rail
at me, her tongue could not be heard for the exceeding
noise that she made with her Tail. By
this time my Aunt was come down off her Chamber,
but hearing how the Maid talkt to her at
both ends, she could not forbear laughing neither,
which vexed the Maid worse than before. My
Uncle hearing the great noise that was made,
came also to see what was the matter, but Jane
(for so was the Maids name) was so ashamed that
she could not speak one word for blushing, only
that her Tail proclaimed that she had a very
great Civil War within her belly: poor Jane did
all she could to hold it in but it would not do,
but out it flew with such impetuosity, that my
.bn 104.png
.pn +1
uncle could less forbear then we, but laughed as
if he would have split himself. This treble noise
of laughter made Jane to think that we had all
conspired against her, wherefore she got into her
Chamber, and notwithstanding dinner was to
dress, yet locking the door, all the Rhetorick that
could be used to her, could not prevail with her
to quit her Chamber all that day.
Next morning (her body being now in a quiet
temper) she appeared out of her den, but who
should then have seen her looks might plainly
perceive how anger and shame strove which should
have most predominancy in her; at first her Clack
began to go, but my Aunt pacifying her, she fell
to her work as she was accustomed. Now over
night I had so devulg’d it amongst the Boyes,
that when that forenoon she was sent to market,
she had not been far out of doors but she had a
hundred boyes at her heels, farting with their
mouths, and making such loud hoots and hollows,
that she was forced to return back again, where
inclosing her self within her Chamber till night,
she packt up her cloaths and in the dusk of the
Evening departed away, whither I never saw her
afterwards.
.bn 105.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. IX.
.pm start_summary
Some abuses of Chyrurgions; the knavery of Tapsters,
Hostlers and Chamberlains, with a brief
character of a drunken Host.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Having now attained to about twelve years
of age, my uncle began to instruct me
somewhat in his art of Chyrurgery, intending
when I had attained some small perfection therein,
to send me to Sea, although my minde never
stood that way, resolving not to be mue’d up in a
wooden Cage, where there was but some few
inches distance continually betwixt me and death.
In this small tract of time that I was thus employed
with my Uncle, I found out much cuningness
in his art whereby to gain money, for if it
were but a prickt finger, he would make a great
matter of it, and tell you what danger you had
been in if you had staid but a minute longer; instancing
how such a one his Patient by only cutting
of a Corn, and drawing blood, it turned to a
Gangreen, which by bad handling of unskilful
Chyrurgions growing worse and worse, they were
at last inforced to send for him, who in a few days
made him perfectly sound, that otherwise (had he
not come to him) must inevitably have perisht.
.bn 106.png
.pn +1
Now because monyed Customers were something
rare, when they did come we made both their
bodies and purses smart for it; lengthening out
the healing of their wounds, the better to wire-draw
their purses. Indeed we were not so much
beholding to the Wars, as we were to the Stews,
unless sometimes a Tavern quarrel brought us a
Patient; but then what a brave incitement we
had to make him part with his mony, telling him
he might recover that and ten times more of his
Adversary, that we would be witness for him, and
that if he had not met with a skilful Chyrurgion,
it would have cost him his life; when as perhaps
it was but a little scratch, his block-head being
too hard for to receive any deep wound.
One story of a Patient I shall relate, not so
much to show the rarity of his cure, but the
malice of a woman which occasioned his hurt.
The fellow by his profession was a Plaisterer, who
had a most damnable scold to his wife, that used
to fetch him from the Ale-house with a Horse-pox;
one night coming home three quarters drunk, she
acted the part of Zantippe, and make the House to
ring with her scolding; this musick was so untunable
in her husbands ears, that getting a Cudgel in
his hands, he fell to be labouring her as Sea-men
do stock-fish, until he made her to ask him forgiveness,
and promise him never to scold so again:
Having thus as he thought got an absolute conquest
over her tongue, he went quietly to Bed, where he
slept soundly, whilest she lay awake studying of
mischief. In the morning before he wak't she examind
his pockets for mony, the common tricks of
a great many women; but found nothing in them
.bn 107.png
.pn +1
save only some lath-nails; these did she take and
set upright all about the Chamber, which done
she gets a pail of water in her hands, and calling
aloud, commands him to rise, which he refused
to do, she throws the pail of water upon the Bed;
this so vext him that starting suddenly up, he
went to run after her, when his naked feet lighting
upon the lath nails, he was forced to slacken
his pace, being so mortified with them, that for
three quarters of a year afterwards he lay under
my Uncle’s hands.
But to return where I left. I had not been
long at the Trade, when my Uncle one day walking
down to Wapping, provided me of a master
to go to Sea, which (as I told you before) I was
fully resolved against, and therefore very peremptorily
I told him that I would not go, which so
incensed him that he vow’d that I should not stay
any longer in his house; I was the less troubled
at his words because the day before I had heard
of a Tapster in an Inn not far off that wanted a
Boy; thither therefore went I and profferd my
service unto him, which he as readily accepted,
and the same night was I entertained into the
House, he having heard the cause of my departure
from my Uncle, for which he rather blamed
him than me.
Now was I in my Kingdom having store of
company, and my fill of strong drink, which two
things I dearly loved. I applied my self to my
calling very diligently, and soon learned to cry
Anon, anon Sir, and By and by, with as much
alacrity as the best Tapsters Boy in Christendom.
My Master taught me how to nick the Canns,
.bn 108.png
.pn +1
and froth the Jugs, and with the crotched chalk
to score up two flaggons for one, and I quickly
found the way, when Company was drinking to
take away flaggons before they were half empty,
and full tobacco-pipes amongst the foul ones.
When Company first came in, I always observ’d
to bring them of the best liquor, but when they
were half drunk, then that which run on Tilt, or
the drappings of the tap should serve their turn;
if they found fault, I would take it away to change
it, but nevertheless they should be sure to pay
for it, as if they had drunk it.
One thing I observed of my master, that if the
Reckoning once came to above three shillings,
he would be sure to bring in six pence or eight
pence more than it was; then when the Company
were going away he would say, Nay stay, Gentlemen,
& take my half dozen Cans before you go,
which most commonly produced another reckoning,
the Gentlemen not knowing how to retaliate
his kindness without doing so, by this means getting
their mony, with thanks to boot. If Gentlemen
brought tobacco of their own, we would
say it stunk were it never so good, and feigning a
Cough as if half stifel’d, cry out, Who is it that
takes of this stinking stuff? this is enough to suffocate
the Devil. Which would make some Gentlemen
to throw away their pipes and say, Pox
on this Grocer he hath cheated me damnably, come
give us three pipes of your tobacco, which when
they have had they would commend for superexcellent,
although perhaps twelve pence in the
pound worse than his own, by which may be
proved that tobacco is nothing else but a meer
fancy.
.bn 109.png
.pn +1
I seeing my master cozen Gentlemen so frequently,
thought with my self that I might cozen
them also, or at least-wise cozen my master, who
so often cozened others, being warranted thereto
by that of the Poet.
.pm start_poem
Cozen the Cozener, commonly they be
Profain, let their own snare their ruine be.
.pm end_poem
And therefore when he was out of the way, to
the reckoning I would add a groat, six pence,
eight pence, or twelve pence, according as it was
in bigness, which yet I would also score up, lest
if he came in the way before it was paid, and
should tell the score; I might be mistrusted; but
if I received the mony before he came, then the
over-plus went into my own pocket, which could
not be discovered when the chalk was wiped out.
In Summer, when people drank in Canns, if
my Master were in company (as oft-times he was
invited by Guests to drink with them) we had a
Can with a false bottom that held not above a
quarter of a pint, which in the delivery of them
I always so ordered as that Can came to his
hands, which he would drink off leisurely, and
then turning the bottom upwards, it past undiscerned,
saving thereby much beer in a day, keeping
himself sober to drink in other companies.
In Winter for morning-draughts we furnished
our Guests with Gravesend toasts, which is bread
toasted over night, our plenty of Guests not permitting
us to do it in the morning; if we put any
of them into drink before our Guests (as sometimes
we were forced to do) we would be sure to
warm the beer or ale before-hand, and in putting
.bn 110.png
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in the toast cry siz, although it were as cold as a
stone.
But my Master and I were not all the cozeners
that belonged to the Inn, the Hostler claimed as
great a share in that mistery as we. His chief
cunning consisted in tallowing Horse-teeth that
they should eat no hay; or when a Gentleman
gave his Horse oats, no sooner was his back
turn’d, but he would steal them half away, telling
the Gentleman, his Horse must needs travel
well he was so quick at his meat. If a Gentleman’s
saddle were any thing torn he would be
sure to make it so bad that he could not ride any
further with it without mending, as also to spoyle
the shoes on the Horses feet, that he must be
forced to have new ones, for which he had pensions
from the Smith and the Sadler.
Nor must I here forget the Chamberlain, who
deserved to be rancked with the foremost for Roguery;
he was a sly thief, and used to cheat Guests
with foul sheets, pretending them to be clean,
when as they had been lain in three or four times;
and then a little water strowed on them, and
foulded up and prest, made them seem as if new
washt. He was a very diligent observer of Gentlemens
Cloakbags, whether they had good silver
linings in them or no, which if he found to be
ponderous, his next care was to inquire what
Country-men they were, which way they travelled,
and the like, which having found, he gave
intelligence accordingly to a Gang of Highway
men, with whom he was in continual pay.
These were the Servants that belonged to this
Inn, such a parcel of Canary-birds as well deserved
.bn 111.png
.pn +1
to look through a Hempen Casement at the three
corner’d tenement in the high-way betwixt London
and Paddington. Were not those Guests well
blest think ye, which hapned in such a place where
none but knaves, thieves, and cheaters were their
attendants? Now you cannot but imagine that
the Master of such Servants was well worthy of
his place, I shall therefore only give you a brief
character of the Host himself, and so proceed on
in my discourse.
He seemed by his bulk to be of the race of the
old Gyants, and though his belly were not so big
as the tun at Heidleburg, yet a flaggon of beer
therein seemed no more than a man in Pauls.
He commanded with as much imperiousness as if
he were the great Cham of Tartaria, and had an
excellent faculty to strut along the streets with
the top of his staff bobbing against his lips, he
could call the young wenches whores with a great
grace; and when he took tobacco, his mouth
vented smoak like the funnel of a Chimney. He
much blamed the English for affecting to drink
wine, preferring beer and ale before all forraign
liquors whatsoever. To show his loving nature
he would drink with all companies, and would toss
off a Cann with celerity and dexterity. He would
not be jealous though he saw another man kissing
his wife, knowing such her familiarity to be the
greatest Load-stone that attracted Guests to his
house, in summe, his forenoons work was to scoope
in beer by the Quart, and the most part of the
afternoon to spend in sleeping.
In this house I wasted away my time nigh three
quarters of a year, but then a sad accident befel
.bn 112.png
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my Master, which left me again to shift for my
self; he had belike been dabling in private with
Prudence, one of the maids belonging to the
house, I know not what the business was, but she
looked so bigly on him that he could not endure
her sight, and therefore to avoid it, he privately
put off his Cellar to another, and having received
his money, marched off incognito, leaving me to
the wide world; for this new Tapster having a
boy of his own, dismissed me to shift for my self.
.bn 113.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. X.
.pm start_summary
The cheats of Cookes, a story of the Spirit in the
Buttery, he steals a silver Bowl, the Cozenages
of Astrologers; the death of his Father being
killed in a drunken brangling.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Long I was not without a Master, being entertayned
into a Cooks service, of which I
rejoyced not a little, being in good hope however
the world went, that I should not be starved in a
Cookes shop, one extraordinary priviledge I had
by living in this service; for if the old proverb
be true, that the nearer the bone, the sweeter the
flesh, then I always ate of the sweetest, my diet
being to pick the bones that came off of Gentlemens
Tables. During the time that I lived here,
although I had been a young wench, I should
not needed to have feared being troubled with
the Green-sickness, running up and down stairs
so many score times in a day would have cured
me of that malady; those who had seen my nimbleness
would have absolutely judged that my
shooes were made of cork, I was as light heel’d
as she who hath made her Husband Cuckold
seven and twenty times over. My Master drave
.bn 114.png
.pn +1
a great trade, not onely in boil’d meat and roast
meat, but also in baking small pies, which the
women cryed up and down the streets for him.
Every Friday I observed we had brought in a
Porters basket full or two of pieces of raw meat,
which though me thought they smelt very unsavory,
yet were they made use of, some minced,
others pepper’d and salted, and put into pies, ere
the week went about they all marcht off, I wondered
for a great while from whence this meat
came, at last I was informed by one of the Prentices,
that it was such pieces as were cut off of
the stinking raw hides, that were brought into
Leaden-hall to sell there on Fridays; bless me
thought I, what deceit is here! then did I think
on the old Proverb, that the blind eats many a
fly. No marvel that sicknesses are so rife, since
such unwholsome food must needs introduce
them. Now because those pieces of meat were
lean and dry, they used to mix with them such fat
pieces of meat as Gentlemen left, adding thereto
some dripping, and such like stuff, which altogether
made a gallant hodg-podg for hungry
stomacks.
To roast meat twice over is so commonly now
used amongst most Cooks, that I think I shall
not need to mention this as a rarity in my Master;
and yet would not that, nor what I mentioned
before, nor his buying of Carrion, such meat as
would have dyed alone had it not been killed,
being diseased or maimed, and selling it for good;
all this (I say) would not do, notwithstanding all
his great pains, but still he went backwards in
the world; which puts me in mind of a story
that I have heard some while ago, concerning an
.bn 115.png
.pn +1
evil spirit that haunts the houses of such persons
who use unconscionable wayes whereby to grow
rich, which though it be nothing as concerning
my life, yet I think it not amiss to relate the
same, as being not altogether impertinent to our
purpose.
In the City of Bristol (a place which may compare
with the choicest of England for the fairness
of the buildings, and richness of trading) within
the memory of our Fathers, there lived a young
man named Francisco, who although prentice to
a Baker, yet when his time came out, set up the
trade of a Cook. This young man was very desirous
to gain a great estate quickly, and so impatient
he was of being rich on a sudden, that he
resolved to leave no means unattempted which
should lye in his way whereby he might effect his
desire, for so he might gain, he stood not upon
what means whereby he might doe it; bad infected
meat he sold for good, nickt his Canns,
froatht his Jugs, scored up two flaggons for one,
yea what not? but all his endeavours arrived
not to that height which he expected, for notwithstanding
he went forward in trading, doe
what he could he went backwards in thriving.
This Francisco had a Priest to his Uncle, that
lived about some twenty miles off him, who had
bestowed some small matter on him when his
time came out whereby to set him up, and two
years being now expired, he repaired to his
Nephew to see how fortune had favor’d him, and
whether he had made any improvement of that
little he had given him. The Nephew entertained
him kindly, and feasted him royally, but
when his Uncle asked him how the world went
.bn 116.png
.pn +1
with him, he could not chuse but sigh, telling him
what endeavours he had used whereby to encrease
his estate, but that all proved fruitless. Ah Cozen
(said the old man) come along with me, and I will
show you the thief that steals away all your gains,
and thereupon taking him by the hand he lead
him into the Cellar, where when they were come,
they beheld a big fellow with a paunch like a
tun, his eyes strutting out with fatness, his thighes
like to mill-posts, so unweildy that he could hardly
go; there they saw him gurmandizing on the cold
meat that was left, devouring more in a minute
then six hungry plough-men could doe in half an
hour; after he had so eaten, he takes a flaggon
in his hand, and of the best beer, swallows down
five or six of them full one after another, which
being done he vanisht away; this Cousin (said
the Priest) is the Spirit of the Buttery, who so long
as you use unconscionable wayes by cheating of
people, hath power over what you have, which
he will so invisibly devour, that do what you can
for the gaining of an estate, it is but all in vain;
and therefore if you intend to thrive, you must
take a clean contrary course to what you have
done, and by dealing honestly, there is no question
but a blessing will follow upon your endeavours.
The young man promised very faithfully to do
according to his Uncles directions, who thereupon
returned home again: accordingly when his Uncle
was gone, he began to work a thorow reformation,
bought of the best meat, sold good pennyworths,
filled his flaggons, scored right, and dealt
justly in all his acting, doing this, he quickly begins
to thrive in the world, grows rich, purchases
.bn 117.png
.pn +1
house and land, and hath a great stock by him
besides; in so much that his wealth being taken
notice of, he was soon after chosen one of the
Aldermen of the City. His Uncle afterwards
comes again to visit him, to whom he relates his
change of condition, and how God had blessed
him with a plentifull estate. Now Cousin (said
the old Priest) let us again visit your Cellar;
when they came there, they beheld a thin, lean,
meager fac’d fellow, one that seemed more like
an Anatomy than a man; his ribs appeared
through his cloaths, his eyes were sunck into his
head, his cheeks look’d like to shriveld parchment,
and his legs (which were no bigger than cat-sticks
that boys use at trap-ball) were so weak as would
hardly support his body. He went to a platter
of cold meat, but had not strength enough to lift
it up to his head; afterwards he assayed to draw
some beer, but could not pull the tap out of the
fasset, so that seeing his endeavours were in vain,
with a deep sigh he vanisht away. Now Nephew
(said the old Priest) you may plainly perceive
what it was that hinder’d you from thriving before
and therefore now since you are thoroughly
instructed whereby to be rich, I shall take my
leave of you, wishing with all my heart that all
of your profession would leave off their cheating
and couzening tricks, and take the same course
of life whereby to thrive as you have done.
Now, said he, what think you of this discourse?
is this quiet besides the matter or no? in truth
(quoth I), I think it is very pertinent to the purpose,
and I wish all tradesmen would follow the
example, for when they have done all they can,
.bn 118.png
.pn +1
they will finde in the end that honesty is the best
policy, and to deal justly the high-way to grow
rich: the best bed-fellow to sleep with is a good
conscience, and well doing (were there no reward
for it in the world to come) yet were it a sufficient
recompence in it self. But leaving this discourse,
as that which is rather to be wished for, than
ascertained to be practised in this evil age of
ours: let me entreat you to proceed on in the
discourse of your life, as a thing which I much
desire to hear.
That shall I gladly do, said he. Know then
that after I had been at this Cooks some small
space of time, my Father returned home from
being a Soldier, in that voyage he was prest out
as I told you of before; now though he did not
go out full, he returned home more empty than
he went out; without cloaths, and without money
to buy any; and which was worst so pinched with
hunger, that he looked like a scare-crow, or one
newly risen from the dead. It grieved my heart
to see him in this condition, but how to remedy
it I did not know; some little money I had which
was left of that I snipt in the Tapsters service,
which I very freely bestowed upon him, but alas
that was gone as soon almost as received, and I
having no more to supply him, he asked me if
we had no plate, that went about the house? I
told him we had; then (said he) to furnish me,
you must at such time as your house is full of
Guests, upon their going away convey a silver
bowl into a secure place, which you may afterwards
deliver for me to one whom I will send for that purpose,
for I will not come to your house my self,
because there shall be no suspition of me; I promised
.bn 119.png
.pn +1
him to do as he bid me, appointing him the
time when he should send the man, which was
the next day; accordingly he came and I deliver’d
him a large silver bowl, which he carried cleverly
away. At night when my Master came to lock
up his plate, the best bowl was missing, which put
all the house into disorder; my Master swore, my
Mistress scolded, the Servants grumbled, but who
to blame not any one could tell; onely the maid
said she saw it in my hand that afternoon, for
which I wisht her tongue in a cleft stick, but
stoutly denyed that I had seen it that day: indeed
my Master had a great conceit of my honesty
or else her bawling might have discover’d
me, for had they charg’d me with it strongly, I
should not have had the impudence to have stood
out in the denyal of it, having that within me
which strongly checked me for doing it. But
after some small inquisition about it, it was generally
agreed that some of the Guests had stollen
it away; then next was inquiry made what
several companies we had that day, and which of
them was the most to be suspected; but the more
they thought, the worse they were satisfied, not
one appearing more probable than another;
wherefore it was agreed by a general consent,
that the next morning the Maid and I should go
to a cunning Astrologer about it, one who was
cryed up for art to be little inferior to Fryer Bacon,
for though he could not make a brazenhead
to speak, yet he had such a brazen face of his
own, as could out-face the Devil himself for lying.
I was not afraid to go, though I knew my own
guilt, because I always judged that Art to be a
meer cheat, and though they lay their nets very
.bn 120.png
.pn +1
plausibly to take the people; yet they seldome
catch any but owls and wood-cocks. Knocking
at the door, Master Astrologer came out unto us,
so wrapped up in his Purple Gown, that you could
scarcely see e'r an honest limb of him; he had on
his head a black cap with a white one under it,
which was turned up some part over the black
one, that it looked like a black Jack tipt with
silver. After we had discovered our business unto
him, he told us the price of his art was a
shilling whether he found out the thief or no;
we knew it was in vain for us to contend with
him, and therefore we very freely gave it him, by
which he perceived that the stars were very auspitious
to him in that hour, or else (for ought I
know) he might have gone without his mornings-draught.
When he had received our money he
very formally set himself down in a Chair, having
a peice of white paper before him, and then taking
a pen in his hand, he made thereon several
Triangles and Quadrangles, with other Crotchets
and Whimsies, which he called the twelve Houses.
Jupiter said he being Lord of the Ascendent, signifies
good luck for the gaining your Cup agen, did
not Mars interpose with an evil aspect towards
Mercury. Now Venus being on the fiery Trigon,
denotes the party that had it lives either East or
West; and Saturn being Retrograde, and in the Cusp
of Taurus, it must needs be that it is hidden under
ground either North or South. Then asked he us
if there were not a red hair’d man there that
day? we told him no, nor a black hair’d man
neither said he? we still answer’d no; nor was
there not (said he) a brown hair’d man there,
with grey Cloaths, not very tall, nor very low?
.bn 121.png
.pn +1
we told him yes; then asked he us if we knew him
or no? we answered no. The Sun saith he being
ill posited in the eleventh House, and Mercury in
Trine with Virgo it was without all doubt a brown
hair’d man that had your bowl. Then asked I
him if it might not be a woman as well as a man?
this put him something to his trumps; but when
the Maid said that could not be, for there was
never a strange woman there all that day, he grew
bold and answer’d, no; for Venus said he being
weak in reception with Gemini, and the Moon in
her detriment, both Feminine Planets, does plainly
tell that it was a man, and one betwixt forty and
fifty years of age. Upon my life said the Maid, I
saw the party that had it, he was a curld pated
fellow, with a whitish Cloak and a sad coloured
suit, about thirty years of age, he dined in the
half Moon, and had six penny worth of roast beef
to his dinner; but if ever I see the Rogue agen,
ile teach him to steal bowls with a murrain to
him. I could not chuse but laugh to my self at
the wenches confidence, and the cheat of the
Astrologer, and to think how poor silly people
are cozened by these Jugling Artists, for no better
term can I give them, as believing no truth
at all in their prædictions; for let me ask them
this question, whether the Stars do compel or only
encline? if they say they compel, they speak little
less than blasphemy, by ascribing too much to
Nature, and derogating from the Deity. If they
only encline, then what sure ground-work can
there be for what they say, when their conjectures
are but only probable? And for their Doctrine
of nativities, that if a man be born under
such a Planet, his destiny will be so and so, and
.bn 122.png
.pn +1
he will come to such an end; we see oft-times
that in a battel, a Canon bullet kills five or six
at one instant, who no doubt were born under
several Planets, and yet come all to one fate; or
if they say it is possible so many might be born
under one and the self same Planet and aspects;
yet let me go further with them; we have known
battels at Sea, when by an unhappy shot a Ship
hath sunk in an instant, with six or seven hundred
men in her, who have all been drowned in the
deep. Will they say these were all born under
one Planet? verily if they should so say, I should
not believe them; therefore I may say of our
Astrologers as Cato said of the Aruspices of Rome
in his time, that he wondred how one of them could
forbear to laugh, when he met with any of his fellows,
to see how they deceived men, and made a great
number of simple ones in the City. But I tire your
patience with this digression, for I expect not
my words will work any Reformation in them,
seeing they may say with Demetrius in the Acts
of the Apostles, that by this Craft they get their
wealth.
To return therefore where we left, having taken
leave of the Astrologer, away we went home agen,
fraught with a Sackful of news to tell our Master.
No sooner were we within doors, but the Maid set
her clack agoing; Master (said she) the Cunning
man hath told us exactly who it was that stole your
bowl, he hath described him fully from top to toe, not so
much as his very shoostrings but he told us of what colour
they were of, his hat, his hair, his beard, his doublet,
breaches, hose, not one thing that he omitted. I served
the Rogue that stole it with Roast-beef my self, the Devil
.bn 123.png
.pn +1
choak him with it, for I think silver will not; but
if ever he comes here again, or that I meet him in
the streets, ile serve him such a trick as shall make
him wish he had never drank out of any thing in his
life but a wooden dish. I said nothing all this while,
and though I knew she lied most abominably in
what the Astrologer said, yet I confirmed her
speeches, hoping this would forever take away suspition
from me of being culpable, only I thought
with my self if that party she imagined to have it
should come again to the House, what a coil she
would make with him; but whether she forgot his
Physiognomy, or that the man never came there
agen, I never after that heard any more of the
matter.
In the mean time my father had disposed of the
purchased prize, bought him an old suit with some
part of the mony, and ranted it in the ale-house
with the rest of it, for what is thus gotten over
the Devils back is for the most part spent under
his belly. At last his sinful life had a Tragical
conclusion, for one of his Comrades and he being
fudling together, they chanced to fall out, and from
words proceeded to blows, where my father recieved
such a knock on his pate with a flaggon,
that though it killed him not out-right, yet he survived
not long after; making his end answerable
to his life: for as he led a troublesome life all the
dayes he lived, so he put the Parish to some trouble
at his death, who were forced to be at the charge
of burying him.
.bn 124.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XI.
.pm start_summary
The abuses of Nurses, and keepers of sick people,
his Master dyeth, the knavery of his Executor
both in his trade and office: he lives with a Locksmith,
the knavery of that trade.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I was the less grieved for the death of my father,
knowing, if he had lived, he would have brought
me to the Gallows, for he would have been always
in want, and urging me to supply him, which I
could not do any other wayes than by theft; but
that now he was dead I resolved quite to give over
the practice of it, for fear in the end, it should bring
me to look through a hempen casement. And now
I bent all my endeavours to please my Master,
knowing I had few friends to rely upon; I was up
with the first, and down with the last, and refused
no work I was set unto, and I found the benefit of
my diligence at last, for it pleased God to visit
our family with the Pestilence, which in a weeks
space, swept away all the whole Houshold but my
Master and I. In this weeks time I observed the
abuses and cheats of Nurses and Keepers, such
who look to people who are visited with the sickness.
Two of these Jades we had in our house,
.bn 125.png
.pn +1
who when my mistris lay distracted with the distemper,
took away her keys, and ransackt her
Trunks, from whence they took a purse full of
money, most of it gold, which she had gathered
unknown to my Master, intending to keep it for
her further need, (or as we say) against a rainy
day. Thus these Jades convey’d away together
with a great deal of the best linnen in the house,
which was done by the help of the watch-man that
guarded the door, who was son-in-law to one of
the Queans, and now that my Master might not
discover their theft, they sent her of an errant to
her long home, by giving her drinks and other
slops, quite contrary to what the Physicians prescribed,
by the same way they dispatch’d the maid,
and the Prentices, with a little Girle, the only
Child my Master had; and now was none remaining
but my Master and I, whom they intended
should have followed after the rest, then they might
have plundered without controul; but I seeing how
soon my fellows were gone, and observing that they
all dy’d presently after they had received any of
their slops, would have nothing to do with them,
perswading my Master to do the like, affirming it
even before their faces, that they were the persons
that had kill’d my Mistriss and the rest, and would
if let alone, make a hand of us too. But these
impudent Jades hearing me begin to discover their
villanies, would have perswaded my Master that
I was also infected, and that it had already taken
my brain, which caused me to talk so idly, and so
began to seize upon me, intending to have ty’d
me into a bed, which if they had done I should
never have come out of it alive, but my Master
.bn 126.png
.pn +1
interposing bid them let me alone, for he himself
was of the same mind with me. These bold Queans
hearing him say so, one of them flew at him; you
old dotard said she, do you begin to talke idely too, we
must tame you yfaith, & so attempted to pull him
down, whilst the other was as busie with me: my
Master and I strugling with them what we could:
but perceiving them to be too hard for us (for
they were two stout Mastiff Queans) we got to the
window and cryed as loud as we could, and thereby
gathered a great many people together to know
what was the matter, to whom we related the great
danger we were in of being murdered by the two
women that were with us, desiring by all means,
that we might be rid of them, they being the
greatest plague we were infected withal at the present,
and whom we dreaded as much as death it
self; Amongst others that came (alarm’d by this
outcry) was a Shoomaker that lived not far off who
was near of kin to my Master, and thought himself
no mean fellow, he being at that time Overseer
of the poor, this man kept a great bustle,
commanding the door to be broken open, which
being done with as much imperiousness as a
Countrey Justice domineers over a hedge-breaker,
he commands the two women to depart out of
the house, which they (being conscious of a self
guilt) accordingly did, to the no little joy of my
Master and me, who fear’d we should have perished
under their merciless hands.
Being rid of these two Harpyes, I was more than
double diligent towards my Master, well hopeing
that Death with his beesom would sweep him away
.bn 127.png
.pn +1
also, which I judged the rather could come to pass,
because the thred of his life was spun out to a far
greater length than mine, not at all considering,
that the Pestilence makes no difference betwixt
age and youth; or if it doth, sooner seizes upon
youth than age, as having more matter to work
upon. But I was so confident that my Master
would die, and that I should live, that I would rather
perform all offices towards him, than to admit
of a partner to plunder the House with me when he
was dead. But three dayes being passed, and no
alteration at all appearing in him, I began then to
alter my opinion, and feared he would escape and
not have it at all; and therefore I began to cast
my wits about, and consider with my self, what I
had best to do; now I knew conceit would do much
with him, and therefore I first begun to tell him,
that he looked very ill all of a sudden, asking if he
felt no alteration in his body? which at first he said,
no; but afterwards upon my perswasions that he
must needs be sick, he soon grew conceited that he
was so indeed, in so much, that at last I told him,
that he had the perfect symptoms of a dying man
upon him; those words struck him to the very
heart, that without further delay he went to the
window, called for a Porter, and sent him for a
Shoomaker I spake of before, to come to him
presently, and bring a Scrivener along with him.
I asked him what he would do with a Scrivener?
but when he told me it was to make his will, I
was ready to swound, fearing he would take an inventory
of his goods also, and so hinder my pelfering
when he was dead, for I was now fully
.bn 128.png
.pn +1
minded to theive from him what I could, notwithstanding
my resolution but a little before to
leave it off, I feared to be known for stealing the
silver bowl: so hard it is for those that are principled
in wickedness, to leave off that vice they
have been accustomed unto; however I praised
him for his care therein, that he would settle his
mind as to outward affairs, they might be no hindrance
to his more pious thoughts, which now
should be bent altogether to Heaven-wards.
Scarce had I made an end of praising his good
intentions, but that the Shoomaker and the Scrivener
were come, to whom out of the window, he declared
his mind for the disposing of his estate.
First, he commended his Soul unto Heaven, and
his Body to Earth, which I wished had been
racked up in it before the Scrivener came. Next
(said he) for the good and faithful service he hath
done me, I bequeath to my Boy Gregory (for that
is my name) the sum of twenty pounds, whereof
ten pound to be bestowed on him in Schooling, the
other ten pound to buy him Cloathes, and put him
out to Apprentice to some Handy-craft Trade. I
hearing my Master to say this, could not but reflect
upon my monstrous ingratitude that I should
go to kill him that was so kind to me, and had so
much care for my future livelihood; but covetousness
cancels all obligations, and therefore is well
termed the Spring head of all ungodliness. Next
(said he) I bequeath to the poor of the Parish
wherein I live, the sum of five pounds, three
pound thereof to be laid out on Cloaths for them,
to make them apparel, and bestowed on such as
my Executor shall see most needful; and the other
.bn 129.png
.pn +1
forty shillings to be laid out in bread for them, and
to be distributed the next four Sundayes after
my decease, each Sunday alike till it be out.
The rest of his estate he gave unto the Shoomaker.
whom he made his full and sole Executor, giving
him a great charge to be careful of me, and so
having subscribed and sealed it, he betook him to
his bed, as prepared to die; and free leave he
had to go both of me and the Shoomaker also.
To hasten him on the more, I perswaded him
to sweat, which he was willing to do; so I covered
him with as many Clothes as he was able to bear,
and being in a violent sweat, he called for some
strong waters; whereupon I went to the Pump
and filled him a pint of such sober liquor as that
yielded, and brought it to him; which having tasted,
he asked me what I had brought him? I told him
it was excellent good white anny-seed, he said, it
tasted like fair water; I told him, that was only
the badness of his Pallet which could not distinguish
any thing; truly (said he) it tasteth so small,
that I think you may leave the word anny seed
out, and call it only white-water. Yet notwithstanding
this he found such fault, his parching
thirst caused him to drink it all off, which gave
such a sudden chill to his blood, that what with
that and some other slops that I gave him, in
three days time he turned up his heels and dyed.
No sooner was his breath out of his body, but
I began to put in execution what before I had
intended; and first I examined his pockets, wherein
I found the sum of fourteen shillings and nine
pence; eleven shillings whereof I took, leaving
some, that I might not be suspected to have taken
.bn 130.png
.pn +1
any, but this was nothing to what I thought to
find in his Trunck, which I opened with an expectation
to have mine eyes blest with the sight
of store of white and yellow pieces, but the clouds
dropped no such rain, the Trunk courted not me
as Jupiter did Diana with a golden showre;
some plate was in it, some Bonds and other writings,
but no money. This was a shrew’d cooling
card to my high hopes, which promised me Mountains,
and performed not mole-hills; for as for
the plate the Executor knew of each piece in
the house, and Bills and Bonds signified no more
to me, than meat to an hungry man which he
might see but not come at; wherefore seeing it
would be no better, I armed my self with patience,
considering I had not lost by his death, he having
given me twenty pound for the bringing me
up to some learning and putting me out Apprentice,
by which I hoped to be sufficiently able
to live in the World; and therefore having secured
the eleven shillings in the Coller of my
doublet (mistrusting my pockets might be searched)
I called for a messenger, and sent the Executor
word of his death, not bidding him to have
a care of frighting him in the delivery of his
message, for I did not think the sudden news
of his death would make him to break his
heart with sorrow, there was less fear in that, than
of a Usurer undoing a young Heir, when he once
gets him into bonds. He having received the
news, made no long tarriance before he came to
me, bringing a couple of old women along with
him to search the dead corps, that an account
might be given what he dyed of, which is a thing
.bn 131.png
.pn +1
that (you know) is usual. But before I proceed
any further (having occasion here to speak of
these searchers) give me leave to mention some
abuses and cheats which I have observed to be
practised by them.
They are indeed very necessary, especially in
great Cities, that an account may be given of
what diseases people die of, and that men may
not have their lives shortned by violence, which
appearing after their deaths, may be by them
discovered; but these women have their Cheats
too, for notwithstanding they are sworn to give a
true information to the Parish Clarks, yet money
can so blind their eyes, that if a man be poysoned,
they can bring it in that he died of the French-Pox;
and though a house be visited with the
sickness, yet if the Master thereof be unwilling to
be shut up for loosing his trading, if he do but
greaze them in the fist with some money, they
will make the Pestilence to be surfeit, and the
spotted feaver (which is little inferiour to the
Plague) the Swine-pox, and sometimes the Meazles;
nay once I know two of these Searchers that
for money brought it in that the party who had
the spotted feaver, dyed of nothing else but the
tooth-ach: Thus you see that it is an undeniable
maxime, that there is Knavery in all trades, people
being now grown so villanous in their practises,
that they make the very dead to be accessary
to their Cheats.
But to return to my story: The Shoomaker
standing in the street, whilest the women came
in, called to me, and bid me, if any of the Truncks
were open, to lock them up, and throw the keys
.bn 132.png
.pn +1
down to him; which I accordingly did, the fear
of loosing his Mammon making him to dispence
with any danger that might accrew to him by
taking the keys. That night was my old Master
buried, and a fortnight after (the Bedding and
Cloathes being aired in the mean time, and I continuing
sound) I was removed to his house, where
I took special notice of his great care in performing
my Masters will, and first for the three pounds
that was given to buy the poor Cloathes, he bestowed
the same on two suits for his own Boys,
proving it to be the will of the dead it should be
so; for (said he) they are poor who are in want,
and his sons wanting Clothes, therefore they were
to be reckoned in the number of the poor, and
policy bids us this, always to provide for our own
poor first. Then for the bread he ordered with
the Baker so, that for every ten dozen, he would
have a twelve penny loaf and yet were they made
fifteen to the dozen, which over-plus above twelve
he also took to himself, so that the penny loaves
shrunk to the bigness of half penny ones, and
only for the name there was no difference. I
seeing how he had dealt by the poor, thought
with my self that my Legacy would shrink also
like Northern Cloath in the wetting, and my
twenty pound, come to twenty shillings; but
whilst I had cause for my self, I would not complain
of his dealing by others, and therefore expected
the event with patience.
Soon after I was set to School with a fellow
that went in black Cloathes, and therefore taken
for a man of learning because so habited; this
man and his Schollars were both of one mind,
.bn 133.png
.pn +1
for he cared not how little he taught them for
their money, and they cared not how little they
learned for it; but I who had no friends to rely
on for bestowing any thing upon me afterwards,
resolved not to neglect opportunity, but to gain
what learning I could, thinking it might stand
me in great stead another day, and therefore I
so plyed my book, that in a short time I could
read English very perfectly, and had some skill
in writing and casting accounts.
During this time that I went to School, I plyed
not my book so altogether, but that I observed
some practices of the Shoomaker, both in his
trade and in his office; and first for his trade, I
saw he used two sorts of leather, one whereof was
called mens leather, which was strong, fast, and
would last well; the other he called womans
leather, which was not half tanned, and would
scarce last ten miles going; this last sort of leather
(because it was cheap) he used most, especially
in womens shooes, and the inner soals of
mens: and sometimes I observed that if the inner
soals were too little, he would slit them in
the middle to make them appear on both sides,
and at other times with his teeth he would stretch
his leather, as for gain he would stretch his Conscience.
Then for his office, for the bread that
was given to the poor at the Church on Sundayes,
he had a weekly fee from the Baker for
his custom; and for other gifts that were to be
distributed (as there was some Quarterly) that
poor man that received them, must either do a
dayes work gratis for him, or else present him
with some gift worth half of what he was to receive,
.bn 134.png
.pn +1
or else he was sure to go without it; so that
in respect of his office, these verses of Withers
were very applicable unto him,
.pm start_poem
The poor’s neglector, O I pardon crave,
Collector I should say, may play the knave,
The fool I would have said, but chuse you whether
He may be both, and so he may be neither.
.pm end_poem
But before I had been at School long, my
Guardian told me, the ten pound was out for my
board (for I paid a Roast-meat price for my diet,
although I fed most commonly on bread and
cheese) and therefore I must prepare to go to Prentice;
I thought it was in vain to contend with
him, and therefore bid him provide me a Master
as soon as he would, for I was willing I told him
to go. He quickly heard of one (for bad Masters
are as easie to be found as bad servants) one that
was a true Bacchanalian, a Son of Vulcan, by profession
a Lock-smith, what the Executor was to
give with me I know not, but thither I went some
few dayes upon liking; and indeed it was but a
few dayes I was there in all, for there was found
Knavery in that Trade as well as others. My new
Master had belike driven an old trade with pick-pockets,
house-breakers, and such kinde of people
whom he furnished with store of pick-locks, and
instruments to break open Shop-doors and windows;
he also drave a great trade with thievish
Prentices, for false keys for their Masters counting-houses
and Truncks, they bringing him the print
of them either in Wax or Clay, with some of which
he was sharers in their purchase. He had also his
.bn 135.png
.pn +1
Emissaries abroad, which would steal Iron bars
from Cellar-windows, and sometimes fetch a short
jaunt into the Countrey, and steal the Coulters and
Shares from the Ploughs, as also hooks and hinges
from Gates, which he bought for a small price,
and used to work them out in the night for fear of
discovery, yet all would not do, wicked actions
have bad endings; one of these Prentices who had
made use of him, and thereby much wronged his
Master, spending that money riotously which he
had got naughtily, his excess brought him to a
surfeit that occasioned his end, when upon his
death-bed, reflecting on his former vitious practises,
he detected my Master, who was thereupon
apprehended and carried before a Justice of the
Peace, that sent him to Newgate; how he sped I
know not, but if he had his deserts, I am sure he
could not scape hanging.
.bn 136.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XII.
.pm start_summary
He is bound Prentice to a Taylor, the Knavery of
that trade, his Master of a stitch, he is turn’d
over to a Baker, who misusing him he runeth
away.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My next Master forsooth was a Taylor, a dapper
fellow, to whom the Shoomaker (because
he would be sure to be rid of me) bound me
Prentice the first day I went to him, after I had
been there a little while, whether it be the nature
of the trade, or what it was I know not, but all my
mind ran upon penny-loaves and pudding-pies;
& whereas before I was more given to drink than
to eat, now my whole appetite was for feeding.
If I went by a Bakers shop, oh how would I cast
mine eyes upon the penny loaves, wishing my
belly a Cupboard to contain such precious jewels;
neither could it sink into my faith, that there was
any trade in the world comparable to a Bakers,
but that which made me the more hungry, I conceive
was that we were much pinched in our diet;
for my Master made us observe more fasting days,
then were set down in the Kallender, and then with
a counterfeit zeal he would preach a long Lecture
of sobriety unto his Prentices, not that he had
any Religion in him (for at another mans table
.bn 137.png
.pn +1
he would gurmandize like an Epicure) but to save
victuals; and when we fell short at meals (as we
oftentimes did) he would put us off with an old
Proverb, that many a sack is tied up before it be full,
for his other qualifications and endowments, take
a brief view in this short but true character of him.
He was such another as Sir Thomas Overbury
speaks of, a creature made up of shreds that were
pared off from Adam when he was rough cast.
His chiefest care was, how to cloath other mens
backs, and feed his own belly; how to make
them fine, and himself fat, against Christmas,
Easter, or Whitsuntide; he was a man of some
repute, but most time else like a thick Cloak in
Summer, hang’d behind the door. His offensive
and defensive weapons, were only a needle and a
thimble; with the first he murdered many Egyptian
vermine, and the last he made a Gauntlet
for the top of his middle finger, which at other
times jingling in his pocket with his bodkin, made
the Ale-wife to think he had mony in his pocket,
which caused oft-times a flagon to be scored up
behind the door. His chief upholder was the sin
of pride, a new fashion being to him like the Term
to a Lawyer; to gain which he used to frequent
those Churches and places where Gallants most
resorted, when on a sudden the Mechanicks wifes
and kitchen maids gowns came trowling in to be
new altered, for out of the fashion, out of the world.
He differ’d altogether from God, for with him the
best pieces were still marked out for damnation, and
without hope of recovery cast down into Hell, for
though he had many bottoms, yet his conscience
was bottomless. Of all weapons he most affected
.bn 138.png
.pn +1
the long Bill, and he who paid him but one half, he
would be sure to be no looser by him.
An ancient Gentleman one day brought a suit of
Cloaths to our Shop to be made, who that he
might have them the warmer, had bought two
yards of Bayes to cotton his breeches in the inner-side;
my Master thought that was too good for
such an use, and therefore took it to himself, and
supplyed the place with old painting Cloath. It
happened afterwards the Gentleman wearing
those Cloaths, going to Islington, as he went over
a stile, a snag or cleft of the same took hold of his
Breeches and rent a great slash or gap in them,
that quite discover’d my Masters theft; for right
against the hole, was the picture of a Devil with
a muck-fork in his hand, which made the gentleman
to admire how the Devil he should come
there; searching further he found more of his
fellows, and all of them with muck-forks in their
hands, tormenting of Dives in the flames; this
put him in a great rage, to consider how that by
the knavery of the Taylor, he should carry Hell-fire
in his Breech; ripping the other Slop,
there was the Prodigal on Horse-back, his journy
into a far Country, Hawks and his Whores, his
feeding husks with Swine, with his returning
to his Father, and the killing the fatted Calf,
wherefore in great rage he came to my Master,
calling him knave, thief, and a great many other
names, such as came first to his tongues end;
my Master desired him to be quiet, told him it
was stole off his Shop-board, but for his part,
he wish’d if he had it that he might find it in
the Hell, meaning the Hell under his Shop-board,
.bn 139.png
.pn +1
which was the receptacle for all stoln goods.
Now those pieces which were condemned to
this Hell, were termed Cabadge, and we never
made any Cloaths either for men or women, in
which he snipt not some pieces from them; sometimes
out of a Suit and Cloak, enough to make a
Boy a payer of breeches, or a doublet, and sometimes
enough for breeches and doublet too. Then
we drave a trade with the Sadlers, for peices of
Cloaths to make seats for Sadles. The Cabadge
of course Cloath was to make dust-cloaths for
the legs of Country Plough-men, wollen caps,
and mittens for old women; all was fish that
came to net. When a Gentleman bought a suit
and cloak of good cloath, if my Master could but
perswade four or five more to buy of the same,
out of them all he would steal a suit and cloak
for himself. Then for womens cloaths, the cabadge
of cloath of silver, brancht Sattin, and the like,
went for pin-cushions, pin-pillows, womens purses;
and if black, Church-wardens caps. Cabadge
of Tabbee, coloured Taffaty and Sarcenet, for
facings of the hands of doublets, &c, when we set
on gold and silver lace, we should stretch it so,
that in four or five yards we would get a quarter
of a yard, which with old silver buttons and such
like stuff, went for ends of gold and silver; and
sometimes in rich laces we would rub them so
on our knees, that in eight or nine ounces, half
an ounce would come off, which went also to the
encrease of ends of gold and silver.
Now being the Under-Prentice, my chief employment
was to run on errands, so that having
thereby an opportunity, I often visited the Dagger
.bn 140.png
.pn +1
in Foster-lane for pudding-pies, my mouth always
either peny loaf or pudding-pie fashion. Amongst
other places that I went to, one of the chief was
a Mercers in Pater-Noster-row, from whence my
Master received a small snip for every Gown he
helpt him to custom withall. Now their way of
dealing was thus; my master bought the stuff,
then the Mercer was to justifie that it cost him so
much a yard, perhaps eight or ten shillings more
in the Gown than it did, for which my Master
when he brought customers to him, was to perswade
them to the stuff, avouching there was not
such another penny-worth in the Town, and that
he was confident that he saved little or nothing
by it; but only for to gain their custome; by
which you see he who carries a Taylor with him
to help him buy Cloaths, carries a Thief in stead
of a Friend, for the Mercer and Taylor was both
agreed, and what the first says, the other will
swear to. Now to hear them muster up the names
of their stuffs, would make you swear they were
raysing so many Devils, there’s your Parragon,
Burragon, Phillipine, Cheny, Grogrum, Mow-hair,
Damasilly, Novato, Pinckanilly, Pinckadino, Prunella,
Itiliano, Castiliano, Perpetuana, Sempiternum,
Tamme, Tammet, Tammeletto, and a thousand
more besides, such as Adam never gave
names to, being more for pride than for warmth,
and rather to cloath sin, than to cover nakedness.
But ere I could attain to any perfection in the
Trade, my Master dyed of that which he lived by,
the Stich, being taken with it as he was contriving
a new fashion for a womans placket, that it should
be neither before, nor behind, nor on either side,
.bn 141.png
.pn +1
but before he could finish his project he was taken
with this Stich, so that that invention was utterly
lost thereby: now because he dyed of such a disease,
I muster’d up all my wit and invention together,
and made for him this Epitaph.
.pm start_poem
A Taylor in this Grave doth lie,
Who by the Stich did live and die;
Longer his lifes thread might have been,
But death with’s sheares came him between,
Wound up his bottom, bound his feet,
And sow’d him up in’s winding-sheet.
.pm end_poem
My Mistress not continuing the Trade, I was
turned over to a Baker, at which I rejoyced exceedingly,
being heartily desirous to be dealing
with Belly-timber, remembring how I was full fed
when as I lived before with the Cook. Here I
found the Maxim to be still true, that there is
knavery in all Trades, for as my last Master theived
from peoples backs, so this robbed their bellies;
and was in one sort worse than a Taylor, for Taylors
commonly filch their Cabadge only from the
rich, who can the better spare it; but a Baker
by making his bread lesser than it should be, stealeth
it out of the poor peoples bellies, for doing
which he deserveth the same fate to attend on him
as did on Pharaohs Baker, viz. hanging; or at
leastwise to look through an oaken planck, and
shew the people a knaves head.
He would be sure to be in fee with the Clark of
the Market, and pretended great love to him,
though he hated him as his Executioner. By
this meanes he had always timely notice of my
.bn 142.png
.pn +1
Lord Mayors going about, when he would be sure
to have his bread full weight stand at his window;
and if at any time he chanc’d to be catcht, oh
how he would repine at his forc’d charity, to see
his bread given away to the poor, hating Justice
it self for the weigh-scales sake, though it did the
Beggars as much good as their dinner, to see his
basket sent to the prison.
When we had any stale mouldy bread, such as
we could not sell our selves, or was returned us
again by our customers, we used to soak it in
water, and so mould it up again in our dough,
which in Summer time at four days end would
roap so, that if you pul’d it in pieces it would
appear as if it were all Cobwebs, which made us
always to sell such bread new. Now what other
Knaveries he used in his trade, I was not there
long enough to know them: for because I used
to forget to rise betimes in a morning, my Master
would remember me with a good ashen wand
which he always kept in store by him, wherewith
he would beat me as your Sea-men do Stock-fish,
in so much that my flesh had on it all the colours
in the Rain-bow, viz. black, blew, green, red, yellow,
white, &c. above all things in the world I liked
not beating, wherefore I resolved to march off, yet
before I went I purposed to be in part revenged
on him for those many blows he had given me. Now
so it was that he lay above stairs, and I below, and
when he came down, if he found me not up and
about my business, he would so rib-roast me, that
I could have felt no cold although it had been
frosty weather. Against that morning I intended
to be gone, I had parched some pease in the
.bn 143.png
.pn +1
oven, that they were almost as hard as leaden
bullets; them did I strow here and there upon
the stairs against my Masters coming down, and
so having put up my things, and made my self
ready, I staid expecting what the event would be,
anon my Master called me at the stairs head, I
heard him very well, but made him no answer,
wherefore he supposing I was asleep, was coming
down to give me the bastinado, when treading on
the pease his heels flew up, and down he came
tumbling from the top to the bottom, swearing
all the way he was falling, that this damn’d
Rogue (meaning me) intended for to break his
neck; I hearing him to thunder so loud, thought it
would lighten upon my Jacket presently, and
therefore to prevent it, I opened the door and
shewed him a fair payr of heels, leaving him sore
bruised with his fall, and more vexed that he
could not come at me, to revenge himself of me
for the same.
.bn 144.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XIII.
.pm start_summary
He serveth a Plaisterer, sheweth some cheats in
that Trade, he is even with the Maid of the
House for her sloath, and punishing him; giveth
his Master a fall from the Scaffold, and runneth
away from him into the Country.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I was now grown a good sturdy Lad, and it being
then the spring of the year, I was entertained
into a Plaisterers service, I imagined with my self
that there could be no knavery in this trade, but after
I had bin there a while, I found there was a great
deal of difference in our labour when we work't by
the day, and when we wrought by the great; in
the one I could not be too quick for my Master, in
the other he cared not how slow; dispatching that
in six days in the one, which we would hardly do
in ten days in the other; in the one we minded only
our work, in the other we used to lengthen out the
time with discourses of wenches, foot-ball playing
and such like; for so we brought the day to an end,
we cared not so much for our work going forward,
seeing our wages ran parallel with the day, and
when that was done, we counted our money due,
.bn 145.png
.pn +1
whether we earned it or no. In this service I lived
like a Prince to my hearts content, for my Master
would not only wink at any Rogueries that I committed,
but also countenance me in the doing of
them. When we wrought upon scaffolds in the
street it was a great pleasure to me to throw the
morter upon the heads of young wenches as they
passed by; and at other times with our whiting
to bespatter Gentlemens Cloaks as they walked
under us, that they looked as if the Crow had
shit upon them. My Master kept a maid who was
none of those huswifes that use to disturb other
peoples sleeps by their early rising; she would
endure three calls in a morning, and when she
began to stirre, she would groan sadly, stretching
out her arms and legs, and giving a two or three
ha’s to get upon her breech, where she would sit
in her bed half an hour lacing of her boddice,
and throwing of her coats over her head,
so that we were forced to put up the victuals we
carried with us our selves. My Master asked me
if I could not invent a way to punish her sloath?
I told him I would do my best endeavor; so that
day I got some Horse-hair and shred it fit for my
purpose, telling my Master what I would do with
it; at night when he came home, he sent the maid
for two pots of Ale, when she was gone for it, I
took my shred hair, and strowed the same in her
bed betwixt the sheets, which plagued her worse
then if she had had half a peck of six footed vermine
to her bedfellows; a good while she endured
it, being exceeding loath to be at the pains of
putting on her Cloaths, for she always accounted
the trouble of dressing and undressing her self to
.bn 146.png
.pn +1
be a great plague inflicted on mortals to disturb
them of their ease, accounting the Birds in a far
happier condition than men, who go to bed and
rise with their doublet and breeches on, and was
resolved if she changed her Religion to have turned
Adamite, that she might have saved that labour
of dressing her self; but the hair tormented her
so abominably, that nolens volens she was forced
to rise, and sit up until the morning, when looking
in the sheets she found the cause of her disquietness;
the cunning Jade made no speech of it at
all, but was as pleasant that morning as if she had
ailed nothing all night; which made me to mistrust
my art, and think I had not done my business
right. All that day she was busied with her
thoughts in contriving mischief against me, the
result whereof was, that she took the sheets from
off her bed and laid them on mine, whereby she
paid me home in my own coyn, and whereof I
could not justly complain, seeing what was sause
for a Goose was sauce for a Gander. I had work’d
very hard that day, and would willingly have
taken some rest at night, but it was in vain to think
of it, I might almost have lain as well upon pins
and needles as on what I did, I then thought
upon the story which is usually told Boys when
they first come to be Prentices concerning their
enroling, that they must be rol’d in a Barrel drove
full of nails, with the points sticking up, and
thought this punishment to be little inferior to
that; flesh and blood could not endure it, wherefore
I got up and uncased my bed of the sheets,
creeping in betwixt the blanckets where I lay all
night. In the morning the maid asked me how
I slept that night? I told her very well, for my
.bn 147.png
.pn +1
skin was armor of proof against the biting of fleas,
or any other disturbance whatsoever, but though
I carried fair weather in my countenance, my
heart boyled in revenge against her, wherefore
that day I went and bought two penny-worth of
Cow-itch, which is a drug of that nature, that
where it touches the flesh, it will make them so
scrub seventeen times worse than if they were
plagued with the itch, with this I anointed her
sheets in the same manner as I strowed them with
horse-hair before; but if the hair netled, this
fleyed, she had needed to have had Briarius hundred
hands to have scratcht her self at once, for
when she came to be a little hot in her bed, she
fared like a mad woman; the more she scratcht
the more it itcht, so that by what she seek't to
allay her paine, she encreas’d it: the going out
of her bed would not cure her now, she carried
her distemper along with her, so that knowing
not how to ease her self, she bellowed like a Bull,
and made such a quarter, that the whole house
was disturbed with her bellowing. All night she
continued thus; in the morning I began to play
upon her, told her that the scratching of her arse
signified we should have butter cheap, and that
how ever things went she would be sure to Rub
through with them, but had I not took my heels,
she had so rubbed my ears for it, as would have
turned my mirth into mourning. That day was
very fatal to me, and my running from the maid
in the morning, prognosticated I should run from
my Master before night. It so happened that we
had some work to do that day at a tavern in
Thames-street, the back-side whereof adjoyned to
the Thames, which the Vintner would have beautified
.bn 148.png
.pn +1
next to the water-side; now for to make
him a scaffold to work on, he put the ends of two
long sticks out at the window, laying a board
over them for him to stand on the out-side; and
on the in-side fastned the end of the one with a
cord, but wanting a cord for the other, he bid me
to sit on it, thereby to keep it from kicking up,
thus was all things ordered, my Master gotten
up upon his scaffold, which was just over the water,
and I sitting on the end of the stick; he fell a
singing as he was accustomed to do at his work,
and I fell a nodding, being lulled a sleep with his
singing; in my sleep I dreamt that my old Master
the Cook was alive again, that I lived with
him, and that our House was full of Guests; by
and by some Gentlemen knocked in the next
room, I hearing them, imagined that I was called,
and thereupon cryed out, Anon, Anon, I come I
come Sir, and thereupon fell a running, when presently
up flew the stick, and down fell my Master,
crying all the way he fell help, help, I shall be
drown’d, the noise he made waked me out of my
sleep, when looking forth of the window, I saw
my Master floating like a shitle-cock upon the
water. I seeing what had happened, thought more
upon saving my self than him, imagining if he
were drowned, that I should be hanged, and therefore
that I might not die the death of a dog, to
prevent it, I run away, leaving my Master to shift
for himself, whom though yet I loved well, and
would not have parted from him but for this
accident.
I made great haste in going, and yet knew not
whither to go; East, West, North, or South, all
.bn 149.png
.pn +1
was indifferent to me, for it is impossible he can
be out of his way to whom all ways are alike.
London though large and populous I judged no
Coverture for me, I wanting those two great helps
of concealment, mony and friends. The Country
therefore I pitcht upon, invited thereto the
more, it being then the merry month of May, the
pleasantest time of all the year, the earth having then
put on her richest apparel, the meddow cloathed
in green, the fields beautified with flowers, and
the woods adorned with Violets, Cowslips, and
Primroses; the winged Choristers of the Forrest,
warbled forth their ditties very harmoniously, the
Lambs friskt and leapt, dancing lavalto’s on the
flowry pastures, and the murmuring stream made
a noyse like to a Chime of Bells, running through
their winding Meanders. As I walked thus in
the Countrey, encircled with pleasures, and every
where having my eyes satiated with variety of
pleasing objects, I thought my self to be in Paradise,
and imagined no pleasure in the world comparable
to that of a Country life; Happy, yea
thrice happy (thought I) is he who not playing
with his wings in the golden flames of the Court,
nor setting his foot in the busie throngs of the
City, nor running up and down in the intricate
mazes of the Law, can be content in the winter
to sit by a Country fire, and in the Summer to
lay his head on the green pillows of the earth.
The Country Cottage is neither batter’d down
by the Canon in time of War, nor pester’d
with clamorous Suits in time of peace. The
fall of Cedars that tumble from the tops of
Kingdoms, the ruine of great Houses, that bury
.bn 150.png
.pn +1
Families in their overthrow, and the ways of shipwracks,
that beget even shreiks in the heart of
Cities, never send their terrors thither: that place
stands as safe from the shock of such violent storms,
as the Bay-tree does from lightening; their sleeps
are secure from such dangers, and their wakings
as pleasant as golden dreams. In the homely
village art thou more safe, than in a fortified
Castle; the stings of Envy, nor the bullets of
Treason are never shot through those thin walls:
sound healths are drunk out of the wholesome
wooden dish, when the Cup of Gold boyles over
with Poyson. Hast thou a desire to rule? get up
to the mountains, and thou shalt see the greatest
trees stand trembling before thee, to do thee
Reverence, those mayest thou call thy Nobles.
Thou shalt have rancks of oak on each side of
thee, which thou maist call thy Guard, thou shalt
see Willows bending at every blast; whom thou
maist call thy flatterers: thou shalt see valleys
humbled at thy feet; whom thou maist term thy
slaves. Wouldest thou behold battels? step into
the fields, there shalt thou see excellent combats
between the standing Corn and the windes. Art
thou a tyrant? and delightest in the fall of great
ones? muster then thy Harvesters together, and
down with those proud Summer Lords when
they are at highest. Wouldest thou have Subsidies
paid thee? the Plough sends thee in Corn,
the Meadow gives thee her pasture, the Trees
pay thee custome with their fruit, the Ox bestows
upon thee his labor, the Sheep his wooll,
the Cow her milk, the Fowles their Feathers,
&c. Doest thou call for Musick? no Prince in the
.bn 151.png
.pn +1
world keeps more skilful musitians, the Birds
are thy Consort, and the winde instruments they
play upon yield ten thousand tunes.
Thus went I on contemplating the Summers
pride and the Earths bravery, and from them both
concluded the great felicity of a Country life, as
if the one would never fade, and the other always
endure; resolving in my thoughts never to see
London again, being ravished with the delights
of the verdant fields, and enamour’d on the beauties
of the Spring, accounting none truly happy,
but he who enjoyed the felicities of a Country
life; Is he addicted to study, Heaven is the
Library; the Sun, Moon and Stars his books to
teach him Astronomy, that great volume his Ephemerides
out of which he may Calculate predictions
of times to follow; yea in the very clouds
are written lessons of Divinity for him to instruct
him in wisdome, the turning over their leaves,
teach him the variation of seasons, & how to dispose
his business for all weathers, who therefore
would not consume his youth in such delightfull
studies, that have power in them to keep off old
age longer than it would? or when old age doth
come, is able to give it the livelyhood and vigour
of youth? who would not rather sit at the foot of
a hill, tending a flock of sheep, than at the helm
of Authority, controuling the stubborn and unruly
multitude? Better it is in the solitary woods
and in the wilde fields, to be a man among Beasts,
than in the midst of a peopled City, to be a Beast
amongst men.
As I was thus stricken into admiration of these
.bn 152.png
.pn +1
beauties, and wholy taken up in contemplations
of the felicities of an retired life, being already in
my thoughts an absolute Country-man, I being
now some miles distant from the Metropolitan City
of our fruitful Albion, on a sudden the welkin began
to rore, and send forth terrible peales of
thunder, the serene sky was over-shadowed, and
Ph[oe]bus hid his head behind a cloud, the Heavens
began first to weep small tears, afterwards to pour
them in full Rivolets upon the thirsty earth, I had
then no Pent-house to walk under to keep me
from the rain, nor was there a red lattice at every
nook and corner (as at London) to give me entertainment;
the spreading boughs of the sturdy oak
were too feeble to defend me from being wet; I
looked like a drench't Mouse, having never a dry
thread on me; what to do I knew not, money I
had but little, friends none, a stranger both to
the place and people, unexperienced in the world,
as in the way where I travelled; the consideration
of those things made me add more moysture
to the earth by the salt tears that trickled from
my eyes; to stand still I thought was in vain, so
forwards I went wet without, and dry within,
(sorrow they say causeth drowth) at length I
spyed by a corner of a wood a little thatcht Cottage,
thither I went, and found by an old rotten
stick that darted out of it, in imitation of a Sign-post,
that it was an Ale-house; this something
revived my drooping spirits, so in I went, to dry
my out-side and wet my in-side, where I found a
good fire, and store of company of both sexes
merrily trouling the bowl about, singing of
Catches, and smoaking Tobacco; no sooner was
.bn 153.png
.pn +1
I entered, but one of them drank to me a full
cup, so down I sat amongst them, being all alike
free Citizens of the wide world, the strong Ale
soon washed away all sorrow from my heart, and
now that I had a warm fire to sit by, and a house
over my head, I bid a fig for all foul weather.
.bn 154.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XIV.
.pm start_summary
He lighteth on a company of Canting Beggars,
and is stalled one of their society, is married to
a Doxy, with the manner of their wedding.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
This company that I thus happened into was
a Crew of Canting Beggars, Pilgrims of the
vast earth, the offspring of Cain, vagabonds and
wanderers over the whole world, fit Companions
for such who make a trade for Idleness and
Roguery, and these were at this time fit companions
for me, who seeing the merry life they
led, resolved to make one of their company,
whereupon (after I had a little more ingratiated
my self amongst them, and taken two or three
cups more of Rum-booz) I imparted my inventions
to one of the chief of them, telling him that
I was a Prentice who had a curst Master, whose
cruelties had caused me to run away from him,
and that what ever fortune might betide me, yet
should not the most necessitous condition I could
be plunged into, ever make me to return to him again,
and therefore if I might be admitted into
their society, I should faithfully observe and perform
what rules and orders were imposed upon me.
.bn 155.png
.pn +1
He very much applauded me for my resolutions,
telling me that to be a Beggar was to be
a brave man since it was now in fashion for brave
men to beg. Do not we (said he) come all into
the world like arrant Beggars, without a rag upon
us; and do not we all go out of the world like
Beggars, without any thing saving only an old
sheet to cover us? shall we then be ashamed to
walk up and down in the world like Beggars, with
old Blankets pinn’d about us? no, no, that were
a shame to us indeed; have we not the whole kingdom
to walk at our pleasure? are we afraid of the
approach of Quarter-day? do we walk in fear of
Bailiffs, Serjeants and Catch-poles? whoever knew
an arrant Beggar arrested for debt? is not our
meat drest in every mans Kitchen? does not every
mans cellar afford us beer? and the best mens
purses keep a penny for us to spend?
Having by these words (as he thought) fully
fixed me in love with begging, he then acquainted
the Company with my desires, who were all of
them very joyful thereof, being as glad to add
one to their society, as a Turk is to gain a Proselite
to Mahomet. The first question that they
asked me was, if I had any Loure in my Bung?
I stared on them not knowing what they meant,
till at last one told me it was mony in my purse;
I told them I had but eighteen pence, which I
freely gave them; this by a general vote was condemned
to be spent in Bouse for my initiation.
Then they commanded me to kneel down, which
being done, one of the chief of them took a
Gage of Bowse, which is a quart of drink, and
.bn 156.png
.pn +1
poured the same on my head, saying, I do by vertue
of this Soveraign liquor, stall thee to the Rogue,
and make thee a free Denizen of our ragged Regiment;
so that henceforth it shall be lawful for thee
to Cant and to carry a Doxy or Mort along with
thee, only observing these rules. First that thou
art not to wander up and down all Countries, but
to keep only to that Quarter which is allotted to
thee! and secondly, thou art to give way to any
of us that have born all the Offices of the Wallet
before thee, and upon holding up a finger to avoid
any Town or Country village where thou seest we
are forraging to victual our army that march along
with us. Observing these two rules, we take thee
into our protection, and adopt thee a Brother of
our numerous society.
He having ended his oration, I rose up, and was
congratulated by all the Company, hanging about
me like so many dogs about a Beare, and leaping
and shouting like so many mad men, making such
a confused noyse with their gabling, that the melody
of a dozen oyster-wives at Billingsgate, the
scolding at ten Conduits, and the Gossipings of
fifteen Bake-houses were not comparable unto it.
At length he that stalled me cryed out for silence,
bidding the French and English Pox to light on
their throats for making such a yelping; then fixing
his eyes upon me, he read a Lecture to me
out of the Devils Hornbook as followeth.
Now (saith he) that thou art enter’d into our
fraternity, thou must not scruple to act any villanies
which thou shall be able to perform; whether
it be to nip a bung, bite the Peter, Cloy the Lurries,
.bn 157.png
.pn +1
Crash either a Bleating cheat, Cackling cheat, grunting
cheat, quacking cheat, Tib oth buttery, Margery
prater, or to Cloy a Mish from the Crackmans: that
is, to cut a purse, steal a Cloak-bag or portmantle, convey
away all manner of Cloaths, either a Sheep,
Chicken, sucking Pig, Duck, Goose, Hen, or steal a
shirt from the hedg; for he that will be a Quier
Cove, a profest Rogue, must observe this rule, set
down by an ancient Patrico in these words.
.pm start_poem
Wilt thou a begging go,
O perse o, o perse o,
Then must thou God forsake
And to the Devil thee betake
O perse o, &c.
.pm end_poem
And because thou art as yet but a Novice in begging,
and understandest not the mysteries of the
Canting language, to principle thee the better,
thou shalt have a Doxy to be thy Companion, by
whom thou maist receive fit instructions for thy
purpose. And thereupon he singled me out a
young Girl of about fourteen years of age, which
tickled my fancy very much that I had gotten a
young wanton to dally withal; but this was not
all, I must presently be married unto her after
their fashion by their Patrico, (who amongst Beggars
is their Priest) which was done after this
manner.
They got a Hen, and having cut off the head
of it, laid the dead body upon the ground, placing
me on the one side of it, and my Doxy on the
other; this being done, the Patrico standing by,
.bn 158.png
.pn +1
with a loud voice bid us live together till death did
us part; then one of the Company went into the
yard and fetcht a dry Cow-turd, which was broken
over my Dox’s head in imitation of a Bride-cake;
and so shaking hands, and kissing each other, the
Ceremony of the wedding was over, and for joy of
the marriage we fell to drinking afresh, till we
were all as drunk as Beggars; but then to hear
the gabling noyse we made, would have made you
to have blest your self, to hear such a Babel of
confusion amongst us, some were jabbering in the
Canting Language, others in their own, some did
nothing but weep and protest love to their Morts,
others swore swords and daggers to cut the throats
of their Doxy’s if they found them tripping; one
would drink a health to the Bride till he slavered
again, some were for singing Bawdy songs, others
were divising Curses for Justices of Peace, Head-boroughs,
and Constables; at last night approaching,
and all their mony being spent, we betook us
to a Barn not far off, where we coucht a Hogshead
in the darkmans, and went to sleep.
.bn 159.png
.pn +1
.pb
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CHAP. XV.
.pm start_summary
The Orders and Degrees of the Canting Beggars,
Men and Women, with their several qualities
and manner of life.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Though my lodging was homely, my bedfellow
pleased, yet though she were so young,
I could not boast of the purchase of her Maidenhead,
that being a dainty bestowed always on
the Upright-men (the chief of the Rogues) who
must have the first taste of such morsels, and then
are they free for any of the Brother-hood. The
whole night was spent in prigging, wapping; and
telling of drunken stories; in the morning as soon
as Ph[oe]bus began to dart some of his beams
through the Crannies of the walls, the Patrico
began to set up his larum, and to waken the rest
with this song.
.pm start_poem
This is Bien Bowse, this is Bien Bowse,
Too little is my skew.
I Bowse no Lage, but a whole Gage
Of this ile Bowse to you.
This Bowse is better than Rom-Bowse,
It sets the Gan a gigling;
.bn 160.png
.pn +1
The Autem Mort finds better sport
In Bowsing than in nigling.
Tis better than Peckidge, Plannam,
Than Yarum, Loure, or Lage;
Then lift the same up to thy Nab,
And Bowse off a whole Gage.
.pm end_poem
Being thus rowsed, and having shaken our eares
a little, the Upright man (who was the Bel-weather
of the flock) appointed out the station
wherein every one should go, prefixing a day
wherein we were all to meet again. My Doxy
and I had a particular walk assigned unto us,
wherein we were to travel, and not to intrench
upon any of the others limits; whilst I thus rambled
about with her, I learned of her the several
qualities and offices of the Brother-hood, and
how they were distinguished from each other according
to their degrees of superiority and inferiority:
the men were divided into these twenty
several sorts.
.ul style=none
.it 1 Upright men.
.it 2 Rufflers.
.it 3 Anglers.
.it 4 Rogues.
.it 5 Wilde Rogues.
.it 6 Priggers of Prancers.
.it 7 Palliards, or Clapperdugeons.
.it 8 Fraters.
.it 9 Quire Birds.
.it 10 Abraham-men.
.it 11 Whip-jacks.
.it 12 Counterfeit Crancks.
.it 13 Dummerars.
.it 14 Jack-men.
.it 15 Patrico’s.
.it 16 Irish Toyles.
.it 17 Swigmen.
.it 18 Glymmerars.
.it 19 Curtalls.
.it 20 Kinchen Co’s.
.ul-
.bn 161.png
.pn +1
Of the Women kinde were only these six.
.ul style=none
.it 1 Kitchen Morts.
.it 2 Dells.
.it 3 Doxies.
.it 4 Walking Morts.
.it 5 Autem Morts.
.it 6 Bawdy Baskets.
.ul-
And now what these several sorts of people
are, you shall hear by their descriptions.
1. An Upright-man is the chief of all the Ragged
Regiment, he walks like a Commander with
a short Truncheon in his hand which he calls his
Filch-man; pretends himself to be a decayed Souldier,
and claimes a share in all the Booties which
any other inferior Rogues do get; he hath all the
Morts and Doxies at his beck, and can command
them from any other of the Gang at his pleasure.
By this description you see there is a great deal
of difference betwixt an Upright man and an
honest man.
2 A Ruffler is the same in Conditions as an
Upright man, like to like quoth the Devil to the
Collier; they both of them pretend themselves to
be decayed Souldiers, are both of them very imperious
over the inferior Subjects of their Common-wealth:
receiving tribute also from Rogues,
Palliards, Morts, Doxies, &c.
3 The next are Anglers, but they seldome
catch Fish till they go up Westward for Flounders.
The Rod they angle with is a staff of
five or six foot in length, having a hole bored
through it within an inch of the top, into
which hole do they put an iron hook, and with
the same do they angle at windows about midnight,
drawing therewith apparrel, sheets, coverlets,
or whatsoever they lay hold on, All is Fish
that comes to Net.
.bn 162.png
.pn +1
4 A Rogue, whose very name doth show his
nature, and therefore he shall not need any further
description.
5 A Wild Rogue is of the same nature as a
Rogue, only this is the difference, that the one
falls into this infamous and detestable course of
life, either thorough laziness, death of Parents,
cruelty of Masters, or the like, the wild Rogue is
bred up to it from his swadling clouts, born a
Rogue, lives all his whole life a Rogue, and disdaines
to take upon him any calling or profession
whatsoever, but as he lives, so dies a Rogue.
6 Priggers of Prancers are Horse-stealers, for
to Prig, signifies in the Canting language to steal,
and Prancer signifies a Horse, the Farmers in
the Country, and Gentlemen that keep Horses,
know these sorts of Rogues too well, by dear experience.
7 Palliards, otherwise called Clapperdugeons,
who go alwayes with their Morts at their heels,
and to draw people the more to pitty them, with
Sperewort or Arsnick raise blisters on their legs,
which they can cure again at their pleasure.
When they come into the streets of a Town or
Country village, they divide themselves, and beg
one on one side of the street, and the other on
the other side; the purchase which they thus get,
they sell to poor Tradesmen, or other labouring
people, and with the money are merry at the
Bowsing-ken.
8 A Frater is one that with a Counterfeit Patent
goeth about with a wallet at his back, and a
black box at his girdle, to beg for some Hospital
or Spittle-house; he hath always a Doxy whom
.bn 163.png
.pn +1
he meets withall at night at some tippling-house,
where they lewdly spend what was given him in
the day by charitable well-minded people.
9 Quire Birds are those in whom the Proverb
is verified, Birds of a feather, Rogues together,
they are such as formerly sung in such Cages as
Newgate, the White Lyon, or some other Country
Goale.
10 Abraham-men, or a Tom of Bedlam is a man
whom by his black and blew arms you may see
to be much beaten to the world; he counterfeits
madness, and by many Phantastick tricks gets
from silly Country people Bacon, and such other
victuals as will fetch him ready money; he hath
but two names for all people whatsoever, and
that is Tom and Bess. No man shifts his linnen
oftner than he does his wenches.
11 Whipjacks are such as travel about from
town to town under the notion of Shipwrackt
Seamen, with a counterfeit licence to beg, which
licence they call a Gybe, and the seals to it Jarks;
their talk is all of Sea-voyages, but the end of
their Land-voyage is for what they can get, and
to rob Booths at Fairs, which they call Heaving
of the Booth, at which they are very expert.
12 Counterfeit Cranks are such as pretend
themselves to have the Falling-sickness, and by
putting a piece of white soap into the corner of
their mouths, will make the froath to come boyling
forth to cause pitty in the beholders; they
stare wildly with their eyes to appear as if distracted,
and go half naked to move the greater
compassion. These Cranks have likewise their
meetings, and their wenches at command.
.bn 164.png
.pn +1
13 The Dummerar is Cousin-German to the
Cranks, for as the one counterfeits the falling-sickness,
so this counterfeits dumbness, making a
horrid noise instead of speech by doubling his
tongue in his mouth, but if you give him nothing,
he can then open his mouth to curse you privately.
This Jack hath also his Jill, upon whom
he spends his Loure at the Bowsingken.
14 A Jackman is one that can write and reade,
yea some of them have a smattering in the Latine
tongue; which learning of theirs advances them
in office amongst the Beggars, as to be Clark of
their Hall, or the like. His employment is to
make Gybes with Jarkes to them, which are counterfeit
licences with seals, by which he gets store
of money to make himself drunk withal.
15 The Patrico is their Priest, every hedge is
his Parish, and every wandring Rogue and Whore
is his Parishioner. His service is onely marrying
of couples, by bidding them go together and multiply,
and fill the world with a generation of vagabonds.
16 Irish Toyls are lusty Rogues who go about
with a wallet at their back, in which they carry
pinns, poynts, laces, and such like, and under colour
of selling such wares commit many villanies.
17 A Swigman is a degree higher than an
Irish toyle, as a Tavern exceeds an Ale-house, for
he carries a pack behind him in stead of a wallet,
and is stored with more sorts of ware than the
other, yet differs little from him in honesty; they
both pay tribute to the Upright man, as to their
chief.
18 Glymmerars are such as travel up and down
.bn 165.png
.pn +1
with licences to beg, because their houses have
been consumed with fire, for Glymmer in the Canting
tongue signifies fire. They use a very sad tone
in their begging, and tell a lamentable story how
the fire destroyed their Barns, Stables, &c. by
which lying tales they get store of Loure to buy
Bub at the Bowsingken.
19 Curtals are so called because they wear
short Cloases, being of the same nature as the
Rogues described before.
20 The last ranck of this Rambling Crew are
termed Kinchin Co’s, being little Boys, whose
Parents were formerly Beggars, but are now dead,
or else such as have run away from their Masters,
and instead of a trade to live by, follow this
kinde of life to be lowsie by. The first thing they
do is to learn how to Cant, and the onely thing
they practice is to creep in at windows or Cellar
doors.
Thus have I given you a brief description of
the men, by which you may give a shrewd guess
of the women; for you cannot imagine if the one
were Devils, that the other would be Saints, take
them therefore in their own Character.
.tb
1. Of this sort the first of them are called Kinchen
Morts, their Mothers carry at their backs in
their Slates, id est, sheets. When the Morts beg,
they use to prick these Kinchens with pins, that
by their crying they may move people to a speedier
distribution of their alms.
2. Dells are young wenches that have not lost
their maiden-heads, but being once deflowred,
(which commonly is when they are very young)
.bn 166.png
.pn +1
they then change the name of Dell into Doxy,
even as maids when they come to be married,
loose that appellation, and are called women.
3. Doxeys are such as have been deflowred by
the Upright-men, and are after common to any of
the Brotherhood. They will if they see convenient
for a small piece of money prostitute their bodies
to any that will deal with them, and do too often
murther those Infants which are so gotten. They
have one special badge to be known by, for most
of them go working of laces and shirt-strings, or
such like stuff, onely to give colour to their idle
wandring.
4. A walking Mort is one that hath increased
the world with Lullaby-cheats or young Children,
yet was never married; they are very dangerous
Queans to meet withal, being cunning in dissembling,
and without all fear of God and good laws;
and are kept in awe onely by the Upright-men,
who oftentimes rifle them of all that they have.
5. An Autem Mort is another sort of these she-devils,
and differs onely from a walking Mort in
that she is married; for Autem in the Canting
tongue signifies a Church, although that be a place
she seldom comes at. They commonly walk with
their Wallets on their shoulders, and Slates or
sheets at their backs, and will pilfer any thing that
lies carelesly about houses, which they call in
their language Nilling of the ken. Their Husbands
commonly are Rufflers, Upright-men, Wilde
Rogues, &c.
6. The last of this Ragged Regiment are called
Bawdy Baskets, which are women that walk with
Baskets or Cap-cases on their arms, wherein they
.bn 167.png
.pn +1
have pinns, points, needles, and such like things
to sell, going thus from house to house, to sell their
ware; buy Cunny-skins, and steal what they can
lay their hands on, driving three trades at once.
They are very fair spoken, and will seldome swear
whilest they are selling their wares, but will lie
with any man that hath a minde to them. The
Upright-men and these are in perfect league and
amity one with another.
.tb
Thus have I briefly dissected to you this knot
of Vipers, who may very fitly be termed the Devils
black Guard. Whose whole life consisteth of a
continued act of all impiety, no sin within their
verge but is frequently committed amongst them,
especially that sin of leachery; to which end you
shall find sometimes together in a Barn forty of
these Uprightmen, Rufflers, Clapperdugeons, &c.
ingendring Beggars with their Morts. Adultery
they boast of, Incest they laugh at, Sodomy they
Jest at, being all of the Family of Love or Lust
rather, rope ripe, Nuts for the Devils cracking,
and fit fuel for firing for his Kitchen. But I have
dwelt too long upon this filthy subject, I shall only
give you a brief Character of a Canting Rogue, and
so return to the progress of my own life.
He should seem by his rambling minde to be
begot by some Intelligencer under a hedge, for he
is wholly addicted to travel, and hath one especial
priviledge above most Travellers, that he is
never out of the way. He is not troubled with making
of Joyntures; he can divorce himself without
the Fee of a Proctor, nor fears he the cruelty of
.bn 168.png
.pn +1
Overseers of his Will; for there is small danger of
his Children being cheated of their Estates, by
which means he makes not work for the Lawyers
after his decease. He leaves his Children all the
world to Cant in, and all the people to be their
fathers to provide for them. His language is always
one and the same; the Northern speech differs
from the South, Welsh from the Cornish, but
Canting is general, nor ever could be altered by
Conquest of the Saxon, Dane, or Norman. He
will not beg out of the limit prescribed him by the
Upright-man, though he starve; nor falsifie his
oath, if he swear by his Solomon (which is the Mass)
though you hang him; and to show himself a true
subject of their Common-wealth, he pays his custom
as truly to his Grand Rogue, as tribute is paid
to the Great Turk.
The Spring is as welcome to him, as a warm
Bed to a weary Traveller, for then begins his progress
after a hard Winter; and the Sun which
breeds Agues in others, he adores it like the Indian.
Ostlers cannot endure him, for he is of the
Infantry, and serves best on foot; and if through
sickness at any time he ride, his stage is but to the
next Town, and that in a Dung-cart. He offends
not the Statute against the excess of Apparel; the
fuller of Rags, the more fashionable for his Calling;
and to go naked, he accounts but a voluntary pennance.
Forty of them will lye in a Barn together,
yet are never sued upon the Statute of In-mates.
He shifts Lodgings oftner than men shift their
shirts, and hath more change of Morts and Doxies,
than he hath of Lodgings. If he were learned, no
.bn 169.png
.pn +1
man could make a better Description of England,
for he hath surveyed it more exactly than the best
Cosmographer whatsoever, having travell’d it over
and over. Lastly, he can brag of this, that repairing
of houses will never undo him; and that though
he eats and drinks every day, yet he shall not die
one penny in debt either to the Brewer, or to the
Butcher.
.bn 170.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XVI.
.pm start_summary
In prosecution of his begging, he steals a Hen, is
taken in the manner, and whipped, and imprisoned
in the Cage; from whence he escapes,
and assists in the robbing of a House, where he
gets a good Booty and escapes, but his Companions
are caught; one hanged, and two transported:
He hearing this, makes haste to London.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
It was then the Spring of the year when I took
this laze trade of life upon me; the harmony of
the Birds singing, and the variety of the Flowers
which beautified the verdant Fields, made me the
more willing to embrace this sordid course, not
thinking of a winter that would strike dumb those
winged Choristers, and invest the Earth with a
robe of Snow, in stead of all her painted Bravery.
Custom had soon habituated me to a liking of lodging
in straw, attracted the more by my amorous
Bed-fellow, and so long as I had my fill of ease, I
could well be contented to fast from Dainties. But
for my life I could not bring my tongue to the right
tone of Begging, although I were habited fit for
the purpose, with a dirty Night-cap loathsome to
.bn 171.png
.pn +1
behold, my face all smearen, my cloths set full
with patches upon the whole cloath, a red clout
upon my leg, and supporting my body with a staff
as if I had been a meer criple. Many a mile we
rambled, yet keeping still in our own station,
for fear of the Upright-man: but my counterfeit
plea for begging was at last discovered, and to all
my dainties I had whipping chear added; for
going one day not far off from a Farm house, the
stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them
with my staff, and having struck one of them, I
had forgotten my lameness, but very nimbly ran
and took her up, putting her under my patcht
Coat, where I had a bag sewed in that was a receptacle
for all stollen goods. It chanced that
the Farmer himself was then on the other side of
the hedge, who undiscover’d by me, saw my activity
in the stealing of his Hen, and was resolved,
though I put it up, that he would not. But I
dreading nothing, thinking my self unseen, went
directly to the House, and as soon as I came into
the yard fell to my old trade, leaning on my staff,
and drawing my leg after me, as if scarce able to
stand, much less to run. Having gotten to the
door, I began to set up my tone with a Good tender
hearted people be pleased to bestow your charity upon
a poor miserable wretch that is both lame and hungry;
one penny of silver to buy him salve for his sore leg,
or one morsel of victuals to put into his belly that
hath had nothing come in it this couple of dayes. No
sooner had I ended my Maunding, thinking to
mump the Farmer out of some money, or at leastwise
some bread to my Hen, but he having watch’d
me now seiz’d hold of my arm, and told me, that
.bn 172.png
.pn +1
though it might be true that I had not lately
eaten, yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided
for the future, and so turning back my Coat
discover’d my bag, where was not only the Hen,
but some other provant, I had lately purchased.
I finding my self caught, would gladly have given
him the slip, but some of his servants, as well as
himself stop’d me, without any more ado the Harman-beck
was sent for, who being a neighbour was
quickly come, and by this time I had a great train
of Boys and Girls to attend me: I needed not
much examination being thus taken in the manner,
but however they were all desirous to see my
sore leg; I was forced to let them do what they
would with me, knowing there was no remedy but
patience, and so I suffer’d them to unrowl and take
off the Clouts and Rowlers that was upon it, when
coming to the skin, that was as whole and as sound
as a fish; but though my leg was well and whole,
my heart was now almost broken with consideration
of what they would do with me; some
proposed one punishment, and some another, but
at length to the Whipping-Post I was led, where
my Doublet and shirt being stript off, my back
was so long lac’d with a Cart-whip, that I Caperd
and flownced like a Horse in a quagmire, and I
was as fast too, being hand cuffd so that I could
not stir. It was well it was the spring time, for I
lost blood enough to purge away the gross humors
without the help of a Surgeon, that office being
supplyd by a Thrasher who took as much pains
upon me as would have Thrash’d a bushel of
Pease; but at length there was a Cessation,
and a new parlee began, wherein it was propounded
.bn 173.png
.pn +1
that further course should be taken with
me, and considering that there was a kind of Felony
committed upon the Hen; they advis’d and
agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the peace
to have his Judgement in the Case, though I
thought it unreasonable to suffer punishment first,
and then to be Judged; yet it was to no purpose
to complain, and all I could say would not prevail
with them to let me go, but they would conduct
me to the Justice, so that I having put on my
Cloaths my shirt stuck to my back and made me
sensible that I had lost leather; but for all that
on I must, and the Justice living a mile off, the
Thrasher who had lash’d me, and two or three
others made holliday to attend me: when we
came before the Justice, he hearing that I had
been punished already, was content at my Importunity
to acquit me from any other, and only
to make a Pass to send me home to London, being
the place where I told them I was born: I not
having power to contradict, was forced to consent
to what was commanded, and that Constable attending
me out of his liberties to another Constable,
left me: this new Constable, who now had
me in keeping, not being willing to go further
with me; for that night put me up in the Cage,
where I was lock’d up, but not so safely, but I
made shift to break out, and travelling all night,
by the next morning I was far enough off for them
to o'retake me, for all that day I concealed my
self in a wood, and when night came I proceeded
on my Journey; but it so happened that on the
second night of my travel, about midnight I
was overtaken by three persons who demanded
.bn 174.png
.pn +1
where I was going? I told them any whither:
what was I? I replied a wretched person whom
fortune had persecuted, and therefore I was indifferent
whether I went, or what I did. Hearing me
say so, they retired a little to consult about their
affairs, and then one of them coming up to me,
demanded several questions of me of my late
course of life? To all their questions I returned
them such answers as caused them to conclude
me to be a Rambler, and therefore fit for their
society, and therefore they asked me if I were
willing to hazard my self in enterprizing somewhat,
that though it might be something dangerous, yet
it should be very profitable. To this I answered,
that they should soon find my willingness expressed
in the boldness of my actions, and if seconded or
assisted by them, I should act anything they would
direct and appoint.
They hearing my resolution, soon consented to
admit me into their society, and acquainted me
with their present purpose, which was to rob a
House not far from that place: They told me
that I must be valiant and bold, not in fighting,
for they knew they should meet with little
occasion to exercise any weapon, but in entring
the House, and performing other such matters
as they should instruct me in. I told them I
consented to what they should propose, and
therefore desired them to tell me what part I was
to act in this Enterprize, and as for a part of the
purchase, I should leave that to them, which
I desired them to give me as I should deserve.
Then one of these persons told me, that he
was very well acquainted in the house, and gave
.bn 175.png
.pn +1
me an account of the several ways and passages
into every Room, and who was lodged in such
Chambers. In fine, I discovered that there was
but two men, and three women-kind in the house,
and he being a Coach-man, had lately brought
the Master of the house home with two hundred
pound, of which he had a desire to rob him; and
therefore had joyned these two persons with him
in the Confederacy. Being thus instructed, we
proceed, and arriving at the house, I was put in
at a window, and directed how to open the doors,
which I did, the Coach-man stayed below stairs,
and we other three by his directions went up into
the Chambers; the doors we soon opened, and
coming to the Bed-side where the Master of the
house and his Wife was, we drawing our swords
(for I had the Coach-mans delivered to me)
opened our dark Lanthorns, and seeing the man
and woman, without many words we bound and
gagg’d them; and they leaving me to watch them,
went into the other Chambers to do the like to
the rest: I being left alone in this Room was not
idle, but rummaged about, and found a Gold
Watch, a few Rings, and twenty Pieces of Gold,
these I secured for my self, and soon after my
Companions returned; when taking the Keys
out of the Gentlewomans pocket, we soon found
what we came for, the two hundred pound, and
so marched off without any stay, or the least interruption:
the Coach-man stayed below in the
Hall, where he had made a strict search, and had
likewise plundred something from thence which
after turned little to his profit: but we all left the
house with the doors open, and marched with the
.bn 176.png
.pn +1
spoils of the field, bag and baggage, to a house
about a mile distant, where they were so courteous
as to give me fifteen pound out of the profits
of their Adventure. I (being sensible that I was
well enough paid, in regard of the Gold and other
things I had conceal’d) thankfully received it, and
so left them, marching on further to the next great
Town, where the next day I understood a great
Fair was to be kept, and therefore I thought that
place the most fitting to conceal my self in, and be
freest from suspition, I got in a Barn and rested
my self, taking some sleep; but was much disturbed,
being in great fear lest some mis-fortune might
befall me: And to the end that I might be the freer
from suspect, in case of a Hue and Cry, I went to a
Sales-mans Booth which was in the Fair, and furnish’d
me with a Sad-coloured Sute and Cloak, Citizen-like,
that I might pass for such a one if occasion
were; my old Cloathes I left behind me in the
Barn where I stripped my self. Thus did I escape
all danger, but my Companions fared worse than
I, for the covetous Coach-man not having any
thing else whereon to exercise himself, stole a
Looking-glass which was below stairs, while we
were above, and to conceal it from the rest of his
Companions, put it in his Codpiece. When they
had sufficiently stayed at the house where I left
them, and had shared the prize, they went to go
homewards, but being flustred with the Bottles of
Wine they had for joy drank off, they made it
so long, that it was seven of the Clock in the morning
ere they parted, and then were they overtaken
by the Hue and Cry, with a Constable, who though
he knew the Coach-man very well, and did not
.bn 177.png
.pn +1
suspect him, yet seeing him and his two Companions
so flustred, and somewhat to hang out at the
knees of the Coach-man’s Breeches, they made
some stay, asking whether he had lately been at
some Wedding and had Bride-Laces, which he
had put in his Breeches. The Coach-man being
somewhat blank’d at this discovery, knew not
what answer readily to return: This caused them
to examine him who they were that were his
Companions, and where they had been? They
were all now deeplier surprized than before, which
gave so great suspition that occasioned a Search,
and in the end they found what they sought for,
(the Money:) and that which hung out at the
Coach-mans Breeches, were some Ribbons that
were fastned to the Looking-glass. Upon this
Discovery they were all Apprehended, carried
before a Justice, and upon examination being
found directly guilty, committed to Goal. This
did I hear of at the Fair that afternoon as I was
drinking in a Booth: At the recital of this story,
if any one had observed me, they might easily
have conjectured that I was concerned therein;
for I was possessed with so much fear, that I look’d
like one rather dead than alive: but there was no
occasion to suspect me, for the three others my
Companions being taken and with them the greatest
part of the money, there was no occasion to
make any further enquiry. Then did I bless my
good fortune that I had left them so suddenly,
and was so much out of danger, and that evening
I proceeded further on in my way towards London;
but being well furnished with Silver and
Gold, I took up my Quarters in a very good Inn,
.bn 178.png
.pn +1
where I had a good Supper and soft Bed, and slept
very well, considering the trouble I was in. At
this Inn I stayed several days to hear what would
become of my Companions, for the Assizes were
then at hand. I received this satisfaction, that
they being Tryed, were all cast for their Lives;
the Coach-man hang’d, and the other two were
to be transported. This was the end of my piece
of Thievery, and I did then resolve never to hazard
my self again in such matters, lest I came
off with as bad success as the Coach-man. I stayed
so long in this Inn, pretending to wait the coming
of a sister of mine, that one day who should arrive
there but the Maid-servant who lived with
the Plaisterer I had served, and as I suppose was
the cause of his drowning: now was I in greater
fear than before, for I had lately escaped hanging
for theft, and now expected it for murther; and
I knew that this wench was malicious enough
against me, and would rather injure me by her exclamations,
than secure me by her silence; I therefore
intended to give her the go-by, but could
not, for she had now cast her eye upon me and
discovered me, and came straight up to me to
speak with me. How now, says she, you have
made a fair Ramble! Is it not time to return?
Well, said I, be silent a little, and let me speak
with you in private; and thereupon taking her by
the hand, I led her into a private room, where
calling for some drink, I enquired of her how all
our Friends did, and more particularly for my
Master. Why, said she, you know well enough
that he is dead. At this word I was more dead
.bn 179.png
.pn +1
than alive, neither was I for the present able to
ask her any more questions.
The Drink being brought in, she drank to me;
Well, said she, however I am glad to see you here;
so am not I (thought I:) but recovering my lost
senses, I demanded of her how long my Master
had been dead. She replyed, a fortnight. Nay,
thought I, then the Case is not so bad as I suspected,
and therefore I proceeded in questioning
of her how he died, and many other questions.
She answered, that he died of a Feaver, which
kept him not above fourteen days sick; and he
being dead, she was now returning into the Country
to visit her Friends.
Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not
fear any danger, wherefore I called for a Bottle
of Canary, which we drank off; and she related
to me that he was not much hurt by the fall that
I gave him, for he went again to work the next
day, and had made much enquiry after me, but
as yet in vain. I told her that I indeed doubted
that he had been drowned by the fall which he
had received into the water, and therefore had
absented my self ever since from London, wandering
up and down in several Disguises: But,
said I, I will now go to London again, but never
to serve out my Time at that Trade; for if I
come upon a Scaffold again, I shall be much
frighted with the remembrance of that Disaster.
She told me, that now indeed I was free to dispose
of my self since my Master was dead, and
might chuse my Trade and Master.
Thus did we spin out several hours of that day
and night together, till it was time to go to Bed,
.bn 180.png
.pn +1
and then we parted; she the next morning proceeded
in her Journey into the Countrey, and I
pursuing my resolutions of going to London, likewise
went forward. But by the way met with an
Adventure, which I shall relate to you in the
next Chapter.
.bn 181.png
.pn +1
.pb
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CHAP. XVII.
.pm start_summary
In his Journey to London, he overtakes a Trooper
and a Wench: he lyes with her and two more of
her Companions, and after this frollick he goes
with them all to London.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I was now resolved nothing should hinder me
from proceeding in my Journey to London,
and that I might get thither the sooner, I endeavoured
to borrow a horse, but could not procure
one, I being a stranger, every person was unwilling
to trust me: but at noon-day staying for a bait, I
happened into the company of a Trooper, who
was likewise travelling to London; we dined together,
and he asking whither I was going? I told
him: he said he should be glad of my company.
I said, that would be very pleasing to me if I
might enjoy his; but I could not because he was
better furnish’d for a Journey than I, being provided
with a horse, and I on foot: he told me
that inconveniency might be supplyed, for there
were horses in the stable to be let. I told him that
I would give any consideration for the hire of one,
and that he, if acquainted, might do me much
kindness in procuring one for me: he seeing me
.bn 182.png
.pn +1
full of money, quickly procured me a horse, engaging
himself that I should leave the beast at his
London quarters. My host being well acquainted
with him, and he being to ride along with me,
was contented: and I paying five shillings for his
hire, had the horse deliver’d to me, and on his
back I mounted, thinking my self to be some
brave fellow: As we rid along together, we overtook
a female Creature, young and handsom, in
somewhat an ancient decayed, but Gentile garb.
The Trooper being a notable well experienced
blade, soon fell into discourse with her, and found
her to be a Rambling Baggage, whose journey
was now intended for London, and would be glad
of our company, were she accommodated with a
horse: to that I offered her my service, and agreed
that she should ride behind me; to which she assenting,
soon mounted, and now we merrily put
on, holding a pleasing discourse with our female
companion. I had a great desire to take a better
view of her than I could, being thus on hors-back
together, and therefore perswaded the Trooper
to make a halt at the next Town which we came
to, where we all dismounted, and I saluted my
Lady, who kindly received my Courtesie. The
Trooper after some discourse, was well enough
acquainted with the Lady, having often times
been merry with her, and others, at the house
where she lodged in London. He call’d me on
one side, and told me, that she was a person with
whom he had been formerly acquainted, and so
might I too, if I would, and if I had any desire
thereto, he could and would assist me.
I told him he had done me many kindnesses in
.bn 183.png
.pn +1
the small time of my acquaintance, and now he
had offered that which exceeded all; for indeed
I was much taken with her beauty, and very desirous
I was to enjoy her.
Well, said he, let us be going from hence, and
make you your bargain with her as you ride along
by the way, and I will take such care in the business
that you shall be entertained as man and wife
at my quarters, and there lie together. I was infinitely
glad of this his kind proffer, and thankfully
accepted thereof, and so after some little
longer stay, we again mounted our steeds and put
forwards: according to his instruction I courted
my Mistress, and without much difficulty obtained
her promise to permit me to lie with her, and so we
rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters,
where he told his Landlady, that he had brought
her some guests; for this young man and his wife,
(said he) pointing to us, will stay here all night:
they shall be welcom, said the Hostess, and so
a supper was provided; for as we did eat and
drink with a very good appetite, and my Landlady
did accompany us, who I found was very
well respected, and familiar with the Trooper;
and bed-time being come, which I had much
desired, I and my Lady went to bed, neither
did the Trooper lie alone, for our Landlady was
his bed-fellow; how he spent the night I know
not, but I am sure for our parts we slept but little,
for it was the first time that I ever enjoy’d a woman
naked in my arms all night, and I was ravished
with delight, never having had so much
pleasure. My bed-fellow was well enough contented
with the entertainment I gave her; we
.bn 184.png
.pn +1
discoursed of one anothers fortunes, but whether
she told me the truth of hers, I know not, but I
disguised mine wholly from her, not thinking it fit
to make her acquainted with my late adventures;
she told me, that the occasion of her late travel
was this, that she and two women more of her acquaintance
had been perswaded by three Gentlemen
to a Ramble, and had gone down to such a
City in a Coach, that they had for some time continued
together as three men and wives at an Inn,
and there had enjoyed a full plenty of every thing;
but at length the three Gentlemen had basely
left them to pay a great reckoning in a strange
place, and all they had would not make the one
half of it, that they had for some time waited in
expectation of the return of their friends, but in
vain, so that at last it was agreed, that one of us,
said she, should go for London, and procure mony
to redeem the rest, and the lot falling on me I
have prosecuted the journey, and hopes to raise
money to relieve, and redeem my companions. I
hearing this story was sensibly troubled thereat,
and offered her my assistance, and she so far prevail’d
with me, that I lent her five pound to send
to her companions, she promising me to continue
either there, or at any other place with me so
long as I should please, and at our coming to
her quarters at London, to repay me my mony
with many thanks. To all this I agreed, and the
next day she conveyed most part of the mony to
her companions by a Coach that travelled thither:
and thus did I enjoy this Lady for many nights
together, and lying at Rack and Manger: the
horse I sent back at the directions of the
.bn 185.png
.pn +1
Trooper, who likewise continued with his Hostess,
and only my purse paid for all; but indeed we
lived sparingly enough, the Trooper being one of
the honestest Travellers that I ever met with.
The Coach-man who carried the money to the
afflicted and distressed Damoyselles, returned, and
with him the Ladies, very glad of their safe return,
and very thankful were they, not only to
their companions who sent it, but also to me of
whom, she said, she procured it, and now we all
thought of removeing to London, but one night
more we lay at our old quarters, where I had the
greatest frollick I was ever guilty of, for that night
I kist with all three of the women, and pleased them
round, by giving each of them a tryal of my skill.
What now could I desire to enjoy further? I
thought my self to be as brave a fellow as the great
Turk in his Seraglio, he having but his choice of
Women, which I now enjoyed to my full content.
But morning coming, we took leave of our Hostess
and the Trooper, and all four taking Coach,
soon came to London, where I took up my
Quarters with my three Damsels, who made very
much of me, and indeed they were the honestest
Wenches, and I had the best frollick that I ever
had in my life, but in time I was weary of this
life, for what man can last out alwayes? And I
finding my pocket begin to shrink, bethought
me that it was fit to leave off in time, for all my
Silver was gone, and ten pound of my twenty
pound in Gold: but I selling my Watch and Rings
raised ten pound more; with this stock of twenty
pound I was resolved to retire, and fit my self
for some employment. My three Ladies never
.bn 186.png
.pn +1
offered to return me the five pound I had lent
them, neither indeed could I handsomly expect
it; for they had been very liberal in their expences,
and had declined all other company to accommodate
me. They heard of their three Gentlemen
who had trapan’d them in the Country, and
so wisely plaid their Cards that they gained all
their money again, I assisting them, and pretending
the man of the house had assigned the money
to me. I scorned to pocket any of it, but gave
it amongst them; and so being resolved to take
another course of life, I retired my self from them:
and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment,
I hired one who was well known therein,
to teach me to write more perfectly than I could
formerly, as also Arithmatick: I likewise hired
several Books of a Stationer, for which I gave him
so much per week; These being chiefly Knight-Errantry
and Romances, I took much pleasure
therein. I had a mind to diversion, and went to
visit my Damoyselles, and thus did I live the
pleasantest life in the world; but I had so much
reason as to think that things would not last long
as they were, and I had no inclination to stealing,
more virtuous thoughts had now possessed me, and
therefore a Trade being the only thing that would
maintain me, I enquired for one, and setled my
self, as you shall hear in the next Chapter.
.bn 187.png
.bn 188.png
.pb
.il fn=i_161fp.jpg w=345px ew=80%
.ca The Extravagant Prentices with their Lasses at a Taverne Frollick.
.bn 189.png
.pn +1
.pb
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CHAP. XVIII.
.pm start_summary
He being now come to London, puts himself Prentice
to a Taylor; he gets acquaintance with Prentices
of all sorts, is with them at their Tavern-frolicks:
he is employed by a Scrivener to make
Cloathes for a Wench, he goes with him to her,
and returning, the Scrivener promises him an
account of that Trade.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Being now come to London, I was resolved not
to be idle, but settle my self to some one
Trade, that I might be able to get a living; and
having already had tryal of several, at first a
Barber-Surgeon, then a Tapster, a Cook, a Lock-smith,
Taylor, Baker, and Plaisterer; and being
still forced for some reason or other to leave them
all, did now resolve to fix upon one that should
do my business, and whereby I might at all
times, and in all places, be able to live by my
hands, for Lands I had none. I considered of
all the Trades I had already been a practitioner
in, and many others, none suited so well with my
humour, as that of a Taylor; wherefore I sought
for several Masters, but they were all unwilling
to take me for less than seven years, it being
the custom of London that none can be bound for
.bn 190.png
.pn +1
less time, nor be made a Free-man till they have
served so long. I was unwilling to bind my self
on those tearms, knowing my temper was variable,
and did believe, I should not hold out to serve such
a tearm: but after several enquiries and tryals, I
did light upon a Master, who was willing to take
me for five years, only this I perswaded him to
do in regard I already had a good hand in working,
and being industrious in my imployment, so
that though I was bound for seven years, yet I
had a Writing under my Masters hand, that the
last two years I should dispose of my self as I
pleased, and yet he could make me a Free-man
at seven years end.
My Master was not only a Taylor, but kept a
Brokers shop, wherein he sold all sorts of Clothes
new and old: He lived in one of the principallest
Streets in the City, and was in good esteem with
his neighbours, who were all persons of some quality,
not of the meaner sort, but substantial
Tradesmen, as Gold-smiths, Grocers, Drugsters,
Scriveners, Stationers, &c. and I (being now well
fitted with Clothes, and having my pockets pretty
well lined with money which I had still kept by
me) was a fit and welcome Companion to the
best sort of Apprentices, in whose society I did
soon insinuate my self, and having money to spend
equal with the best, I came acquainted with a
whole Gang of such Blades, that all my former
knowledge was nothing in comparison to what I
soon experimented from them; for their Masters
being of the wealthiest sort of Citizens, and
keeping Countrey-houses at Newington, Hackney,
Stepney, &c, they often had opportunity in their
.bn 191.png
.pn +1
absence to meet, and keep their Club or general
Randezvous, which was commonly every other
night, at one of the Taverns near adjoyning: and
my Master (who did well enough understand that
I was frequently abroad, and in what Company I
spent my time) did not in the least oppose or contradict
me therein; for I soon found that these
young Jovial Blades, though Apprentices, yet
they were my Masters best Customers, for there
was none of them but had a Sute or two of Clothes
A la mode, which commonly lay at our house,
which they put on when they had any frollick out
of Town, either at Christmas, Easter, or Whitsontide,
or at any other time, when they pretending
some urgent occasions, they would give their Masters
the slip.
Thus was I one of the Gang, and had liberty
to be with them so often as I pleased, by the connivance
of my Master, whose profit consisted in
my acquaintance with them; for I soon brought
him some new Customers, out of whom he could
squeez good store of money for making their
Clothes, and sometimes he made three or four
Sutes at a time, yet had no money for his pains,
but he was satisfied otherwise in Commodities,
which were more to his profit; for the Mercer
paid his Bill in Stuffs, the Draper in Cloth, and
the rest either in other good Commodities which
they had of their Masters, or with which they
were furnished by their Companions. When any
of them intended a new Sute for himself, Friend,
or Mistress, it was but summoning the Brethren
of the Club together, and then the Mercer
brought his Stuffs or Silks, the Milliner Buttons,
.bn 192.png
.pn +1
Ribbons, and Lynings, for which they had in exchange
such other Commodities as the others could
produce: there was only two Trades that had little
or no Commodities to exchange, and that was the
Scrivener and Bookseller, and therefore I wondred
from whence they should get to be so fine
as the rest; but I observed what they wanted in
Wares, was supplyed in Money, which was a
Commodity would command every thing else.
How they should get this Money I knew not, for
I could not imagine that in making of Bills and
Bonds the Scrivener could cheat his Master of
much money, or that the Bookseller could sell
many books by the by, and put the money in his
own pockets, for I knew they were not so vendible
a Commodity as Cloath, Silk, &c.
But one evening we being at our general Rendezvous,
where we had good wine, and better
company, being attended by two or three Suburbian
Females, who were the Doxies of our Comerades.
The Scrivener (having the finest out-side,
being in his private Sute of Apparel, and having
his pockets well lined with Maslin of Gold and
Silver) took occasion to court one of the Women
not only publickly, but privately; and though
she were till then a stranger to him, yet he won
her from her other Friend, and to enduce her
to be kind to him, he called me to him, and
ordered me to provide her a new gown, and
peticoat, of flowred Tabbee, and immediatly
calling to our Mercer who served us all, gave
him as much money as the Silk was worth,
and all the engagement he desired from the
Bona Roba, was that he might have the first
.bn 193.png
.pn +1
taking up of the peticoat, and then if she liked
her old sweet-heart best she might afterwards use
her pleasure, either in admitting him or t'other to
her embraces, or either of them as she pleased, to
this they all three agreed, and the Mercer who
took about four pound for Silk was ordered (by a
general vote) to spend forty shillings of the money
for that present reckoning, and all the rest went
scotfree, and after a lusty cup of wine, some dishes of
meat, and fidlars, they for that time broke up their
meeting. This liberallity, or rather prodigallity
of the Scrivener put me into some confusion, and
very desirous I was to know how he gained so
much money, wherefore I speedily procured the
apparrel to be made, and delivered it to him to his
content, I so highly pleased him that he desired me
to go with him to the Ladies lodging who was to
wear it. I accordingly waited on him thither, and
she receiving him with much chearfulness accepted
it; it was soon put on, and it was not long before
they retired out of the room wherein I was, into
an other; where I suppose she was so curteous as
to permit him not only to take up the peticoat,
and somewhat else to his liking: but to dispose
of her at his pleasure, for they stay’d together neer
an hour. Neither was I left alone: but had the
old Matron of the house, and a young Bona Roba
to accompany me, where we were not idle, but
made the bottles of Sack, and Stepony fly for it:
when their business was over (and ours almost
done, for we had so ply’d the liquor that our noddles
were fuller of wine than wit) they briskly
entred the room where we were, and without any
coyness fell stoutly to drinking; for seeing us neer
.bn 194.png
.pn +1
thirty one, they with full bowls quickly put us
out, so that I was enforced to go to sleep, which
I supposed I did for about three hours, and then
awaking I found my Gallants wanting; but I believe
they were not all at that time idle; for upon
inquiry, and search, I found them in an other
chamber together, where I suppose she had fully
performed the agreement for her cloaths to the
content of the Scrivener, who now after a fresh
bottle of wine, and payment of the reckoning
which was no small one, hearty farewels given,
and taken of his Mistress, her companion, and the
Matron, we left that house, and taking coach ordered
the Coach-man to drive to the next Tavern
to my Master, where we called for a room, wine,
and a fire, he gave me an Angel for my dayes
service, and shifting himself put on his ordinary,
and gave me his best cloathes to lay up at my
Masters, wishing me to acquaint him that I had
been in his company, and that would be sufficient
for my excuse: I thanked him for his kindness,
and Civility, and told him that his bounty had
so tyed me to him, that I should at all times be
joyful if I might serve him: As for my bounty,
said he, I shall for the future be more free to you,
and for mony you shall not want; for I am
alwayes in capacity to furnish my friends, having
the command of a great deal of cash, which I
know well enough how to order to my own advantage,
and it is but reason that I should dispose
of some as well as my Master; for it is in
my power to strip him of the greatest part of his
estate, and ruine him in his credit. I being inquisitive
after secrets, desired him to tell me how
.bn 195.png
.pn +1
that Trade (which I supposed, only consisted in
the making a few small writings) could be so profitable:
To this he answered, that indeed it was
true, they made not many writings, but dealt in
much money, and his Master had an extraordinary
way; for (persued he) if my Master wants
two or three thousand pound, he can quickly
command it, though he began with nothing, and
indeed had every Bird her feather, he hath no
estate: But he hath such slights, wayes, and confederates,
that he can do what he listeth: He
hath one piece of Brass hath yielded him two
thousand pound: that is much, said I, and there
must be more in your Trade than I can imagine,
and I would be very glad to be acquainted with
some of your Mysteries, and since you have promised
me your friendship, whatever you shall relate
to me, shall be surely and safely closeted up
in my breast, and shall never by me be offered to
your prejudice, and it may be some of my advice
in your affairs may be profitable; for I have had
much more experience in the world than you
imagine. This discourse, and some other arguments
which I used, induced him to give me a
relation of many passages of his life: But much
of the Knaveries of that mysterious Trade, which
discourse he began to me in this manner.
.bn 196.png
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CHAP. XIX.
.pm start_summary
The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed
the first three years of his Apprenticeship, and
his Masters first Cheats by counterfeiting a
Seal.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
When I first came to Prentice, my Master
(by reason of the Wars, which caused a
general deadness in Trading) had but little to do:
but he being one of the confiding party, did thereby
get acquaintance with several rich men, and in
short time by reason of the pretended sanctity, was
entrusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred
pound, which he did to his content; for he had
a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven
hundred pound assigned for security. My Master
never having dealt in money before, and now
finding the sweetness of Procuration, and making
of writings, longed to be at it again: but though
he had moneys offered him to put out, yet he
could not meet with any security to content; for
personal security by reason of the casualty of the
Wars, was generally disliked, and Land in the
Country was for the same reason refused, and only
.bn 197.png
.pn +1
Leases in London, or Lands about London, was
counted sufficient and approved of, wherefore this
Companies Lease, on which he had procured
monies did run much in his head, wishing for such
another security, and projecting somewhat, which
since he had put in execution, as I will tell you
by and by: but I will first acquaint you how I
behaved my self for the first three years of my
time, whereby my Master took so good a liking
to me, as to communicate his secrets to me. My
Master was alwayes good natur’d, and kind to me:
but on the contrary, my Mistris was cross and froward,
so that I could seldome get a good word
from her, and she would still employ me in several
pieces of drudgery, as to carry burthens from
London to our Countrey House, and then I must
bring back from thence fletten or skim’d Milk,
on which we must feed two or three daies in the
week, when my Master would allow good roast
Beef, which she would send for away: but I was
still even with her for her niggardliness, and when
I came to the Country House, I would usually
get my share of the Cream; and being a lover of
the Pies and Puddings, steal some from her. One
time I being in the Larder, had a great mind to
a bak’d-pudding that was there, but at first durst
not meddle with it, because it was with other good
cheer to be served up at the Table to Dinner,
where were some guests: but for all that, the
lovliness of the Pudding made me to take my
knife, and turning it upside down, cut out one
half of it, and so turning it down again, left it to
be served hollow to the Table: but I departing
for London e're Dinner was served, I know not
.bn 198.png
.pn +1
how the Maides came off. At other times when
I came to the Countrey House, if the fruit of the
Orchard were ripe, then the gate was lock’d, and
I was not admitted therein, but I would have my
share by day or night; for I once invited some of
my Confederates to Church thither on a Sunday,
and in the Sermon time went with them and rob’d
our own Orchard, which no body else durst attempt
because of our Mastiff; nay, I went once
from London at midnight, and having some of my
Copesmates with me I entred the Orchard, and
fetcht out the fruit which I would be sure should
be of the best, and choicest of all the ground, and
gave it to my Companions, and so we returned
loaden to London; and thus did I vex her for her
niggardliness, and although my Master did well
enough suspect me, yet he would only laugh at
my Mistriss when she was most passionately angry,
and say, she was but rightly served. But at length
my Master had a Son, who when I first came to
Prentice was at Boarding-School: but in time
growing up, his Mother had a great desire to have
him live at home and be a Clerk: for my Masters
employment encreasing, I gained moneys, and
bought me some fine Cloathes, and wore a Watch
in my pocket: at all which she was envious, and
desirous that her Son might enjoy what I did, and
therefore bound he was to his Father, and though
this happened three years after I came, yet such
was the injustice that I had done me, that he was
not only placed before me in a seat, but I was
commanded to make clean his shooes, and attend
him, as if he had not been a Servant. This though
I was forced to comply with, yet I was resolved
.bn 199.png
.pn +1
to be revenged of, and therefore set my wits to
work; I did clean his shoos, but in the edges instead
of greazing them, I anointed them with
Aqua fortis, and he putting them on, and going
to the further end of London, the soles of the
shoos fell from the Upper-leathers, they being so
eaten by the Aqua fortis, and he sate at the Coblers
stall whilst they were randed together again.
He was of so covetous a disposition (like his Mother)
that though he had moneys in his pocket, yet he
would seldom spend any at the Ale-house, and
therefore sate at the Coblers stall two hours, whilst
his shoos were made fit for him to walk with, and
then he came home and was soundly chidden by
his Father, my Master, for his so long stay, which
pleased me very well that he should be blamed
for that fault whereof he had been so often
guilty. He being of a sneaking peering humor, I
could not be quiet for complaints he made of me,
and by his applying himself close to his business,
he would dispatch as much writing as I did:
though I could when I listed, do twice as much
in the time, and when he had done, he would be
making and mending his Pens ready against business
came in, but I would spoil all his Pens by
cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter
than the other, so that when he came to write, he
had his Pens to mend or new make, and so curious
he was, that his Ink must be in a particular Standish
by its self, whereto I would often put Oyl,
so that it would not write; and then for his Parchment,
he would choose the best skins, and give
me the worst being greasie: but I would in his
absence greaze his Parchment by rubbing it with
.bn 200.png
.pn +1
a Candles end. Many other inventions I had to
hinder and cross him, I found two pair of his
Gloves one time, and bestowed some Cow-lich in
all the seams on the inside of them, so that he
putting them on, his hands quickly fell to itching,
and he to scratching, till they were all bloudy,
and so hot, that he was forced to put them in a
pail of water, and then he cut his Gloves in pieces,
that he might see what was in the inside, which
was no small pleasure to me. He being a trouble
and vexation to my fellow-servants as well as to
me, they assisted me in my waggeries and contrivances
against him. In his Mothers absence at
the Countrey House, he kept the key of the Cupboard
and Buttery, to hinder us from the better
sort of Victuals, but I soon got another key, and
had my full share of every thing, and when missed
any thing, perswaded him, the Rats and Mice
bereft him of it. When my Mistriss came to Town
she would have her Lodging in the Chamber over
the Kitching, because she would hear if we sit up
after her; it was a good while er'e I could think
of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging,
but understanding that she could not endure Rats
and Mice, I got a great dead Rat, and in the daytime
put it into her bed between the sheets, so
that she opening her bed to go into it, and seeing
the Rat, was so extreamly affrighted, that she
immediately left her Lodging, and went
into another Chamber: but she doubting
that we would sit up a nights after she was
gone to bed, as indeed we often did, in Company
of her Daughter, who was somewhat
better condition’d than her Brother, and had many
.bn 201.png
.pn +1
Junkets and Collations; she called her Son to
watch, and he being willing to catch us, would
come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to
listen: but we discerning his practice, strewed the
stairs with pease, and nointed the edges with soap,
so that one night down he fell backwards, and almost
brake his Rib with the fall, and gave us
timely notice to shift away for our selves: his
Mother hearing the noise, comming down her self
to help him, was served in the same kind, I hearing
of this, and all being dark, ran in my shirt
and Breeches as if newly awaked, and instead of
helping them, went to the stairs and wip’d and
rub’d them, and conveyed away most of the pease,
so that my Master by this time being likewise
up, and having a candle, did not distrust how
they had been served, but helping them up, and
I assisting my young Master to go to his bed, the
next day he concluded the House was haunted
by Spirits: By this means we were rid of his
watchings; for after he was once in his Chamber
of a night, he seldom came out again to watch
us. But he would commonly stay in the Kitchin
till he saw us all going to bed, neither would he
permit me to come to the fire, upon which account
we had a bussel, and I gave my Gentleman
such a fall, that caused him to remember a good
while after: but his Mother remembred me the
next morning, for he having acquainted her with
the matter, she took upon her to revenge it, which
she did in this manner. I according to custom
coming to the Cistern for water, to water the shop
before I swept it, having one finger of one hand
in the hole at the bottom of the bottle, and my
.bn 202.png
.pn +1
t'other hand being employed in holding the
bottle, and being stooping at the Cock of the
Cistern my Mistress came near me, and there
standing by me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts
wherewith the maids had newly washed down
the stairs, she takes them up and slaps them about
my face, so that I looked as durty as a Chimney-sweeper;
and not contented therewith, she jouled
my head against the Cistern: I thereupon standing
upright, and feling my self wet, faced her, who
now opening her mouth, made a great noise with
her passionate exclamations against me for abusing
her Son; I let her goe on in her discourse, and
apprehending a way to be even with her, coming
very near her, let my finger go from the bottom
of the bottle, and holding it over her, it ran all
upon her, so that she then having a great belly soon
felt her self to wet through, and then she would
have been at me again, but I shewed her a fair
pair of heels, and ran away. Thus was I still
even with them both, and my Master would
seldom do any thing but laugh at what I did,
taking much notice of my unhappy wit; for let
her and her Son do all they could, I would be
sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals;
and she was of that dirty humor, that at a
Christmas when she made a Feast, and a great
deal of good chear was drest for her guests, she
would then afford us nothing but a dish of stew’d
Turneps, Milk, Pottage, or at the best, a leg of
Beef; and though much Victuals were left in
Platters, and on Trenchers, that she bestowed on
the Water-bearer or Chair-woman, that they
might report what a brave House she kept, and not
.bn 203.png
.pn +1
a bit was given to us his Servants, unless she had
kept it so long till it was mouldy or worse. Once
I remember she promised us some Plumb-Pottage,
and at the time she made two pots full, I asking
the maid wherefore so much was made? she informed
me, that one pot-full was much better
than the other; I being told which was the best
when my Master and Mistress were at Dinner, got
a good Bason full of the best, and set it by for my
self, and then mixed the rest so, so that we had
all alike. But to lay aside all these fooleries, and
now to the purpose, my Master perceiving me of
a pretty smart wit, and fit for his purpose, he employed
me in getting of a Seal made, the which
I did, and it was like unto the Companies, which
I told you was to the writing, upon which we
lent 500l. He did not tell me the use of it at
present, but I soon found it out; for not long
after a Deed was made, and the Seal being put
to it, my Master caused one who was his Confederate
to bring it to our shop at such a time as
he had a Usurer in his company who wanted security
for moneys. In comes our Gentleman, and
calling my Master aside, asked him if he could
procure 500l. upon such a Companies Lease? Yes
reply’d my Master if it be a good one; whereupon
the Lease was produced, and the Usurer
being there present look’d on it, and liked it so
well, that he agreed to lend 400l. upon it: This
at first would not please the Gentleman, because
he pretended he was to pay 500l. but the value of
the Lease being counted and reckoned at no more
than 600l. he was contented at my Masters perswasions
to accept of 400l. upon that security,
.bn 204.png
.pn +1
and my Master promised him to furnish him
with a 100l. more on his Bond of another person,
a friend of his. Thus this business was made up,
and assignment or mortgage being made of this
Lease, the money was paid, and my Master as I
soon understood, had 350l. thereof, and the Gentleman
50l. and I was likewise rewarded with twenty
shillings, which the Gentleman gave me. Thus
said the Scrivener, was my Master first beginnings
in Cheating, which indeed was but small to
these many great ones, which he soon after acted;
of which you shall have an account in the next
Chapter.
.bn 205.png
.pn +1
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CHAP. XX.
.pm start_summary
He discourses of several of his Masters Cheats,
whereby he gets his Estate.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
With this Stock of 350l. my Master set up
all his Knaveries, and being unwilling to
venture it all in one bottom, he lent a 100l. of it
in small sums to House-keepers, which they paid
again by the week, and gave him at least 40l. per
Cent. for the use of it; for if he lent five pound,
they paid it by five shillings per week, and had
but four pound ten shillings for their money, and
my Master making the Bond in another mans
name, he had commonly five shillings, and sometimes
ten shillings for Procuration, and sometimes
I had a shilling or two: thus did he dispose of
some. Others he lent upon Bommeree, which was
thus: If he lent ten pound, he was to have fifteen
pound for it on such a day, or the return of such
a ship, which should first happen; and though
there was no such ship in the world came home,
yet the time would come, and then it must be
paid; and this being counted an adventure, he
could take what interest he pleased, as it is
customary with Merchants to venture upon
Bottomrie; that is, on the bottom or keel of
the ship and then for security of payment of
.bn 206.png
.pn +1
the money, though the ship should miscarry, they
are wont to insure it at the Insurance-Office; but
my Master needed no such charge or trouble for
insuring any ship, for he was sure the day would
come, though the ship never did; and thus did
he make forty or fifty pound in the hundred: but
he being once bit and sued in equity, afterwards
took a more strict course, for he seldom lent any
money thus, but he would include in the Condition
of the Bond a warrant to confess a Judgement,
upon default of payment: and to be sure when the
time came, and the money not paid, he filed his
Bond, which was warrant to confess Judgement,
and thereby obtained a Scieri facias, to take execution
on the body or goods of the debtor, who
little dreamt thereof, and then he seized all the
penalty, to the undoing of some; and he seldome
lent unto any, but he had two or three bound for
security, and that he might not be blamed nor
sued, he made his Bonds and Judgements in the
name of one who was his Confederate, and was
a Prisoner in the Kings-Bench, so that when
the penalty was recovered, it was to no purpose
to sue him. And by degrees being now in Credit,
and having moneys of other persons to dispose of,
he would seldome lend any but upon morgages,
because under the pretence of being paid for
writings (which he would be sure to make large
enough) he would sometimes take five pound for
procuring a hundred, and say, though indeed six
per Cent was as much as his friend the Usurer
would take, yet he was forced every six moneths
to present him with somewhat that should be equal
to eight pound per Cent, and withal, that he was
.bn 207.png
.pn +1
at charge not only to imploy one at first to enquire
of the Security, but he was at the charge of
a Coach to go to see the estate, and then he will
reckon so much for his pains, so much for loss of
time, so much for writings, and so much for expences,
and so much for expedition, and all this
must be deducted out of the money: when the
six moneths came that the money was due, then
he must have the interest, and so much for Continuation;
and this was a courtesie if he let them
go so: but if the borrower came not, and readily
at the time brought the interest and Continuation-money,
he had several wayes to bring them in,
for suddenly a Declaration of Ejectment was
drawn up and delivered to the Tenant or Tenants
in possession of the premises, who being frighted
at the matter, presently goes to the Landlord, who
sensible of the matter, hies him to us. If this will
not do, then an Officer is feed to enter an Action
and Arrest the Borrower, who then is forced to
come and comply upon extraordinary disadvantageous
terms; for after much entreaty, my Master
may be perswaded to continue it, the interest-money
being paid, as also Continuation-money,
charge of Declarations of Ejectment (for which
we will rekon five or ten shillings paid to an Attorney,
though it were done by my Master, or me
by his command) it may be twenty shillings, or
forty shillings, for the Arrest, though it may be
not above half a Crown was paid for it; and then
there must be at least twenty shillings, or forty
shillings, to my Master for his pains, and if the
borrower be not willing to pay all this charge,
then will my Master see an Attorney in earnest,
.bn 208.png
.pn +1
and proceed upon the Declaration of Ejectment,
and in short time get the possession of the estate:
and thus put the poor borrower to ten pound
charge, and if he refuse to pay this, he shall fair
worse; for although in equity the lender of the
money can hold the premises no longer in his
hands than till he is paid his Debt, Interest, and
charges out of the rent, yet my Master will so order
the matter, that the borrower shall never have the
estate again; for (pretending that the lender wanted
his money, and was forced to sell the estate to
raise it) he will pass it away to another, a Confederate,
for the bare money, interest, and charges
that is due on it, or it may be, five or ten pound
more; and this is all the poor borrower can get
in equity, which will cost him more the recovering
than it is worth. Thus have we often had an
estate worth two hundred pound, for only fifty
pound and interest, and the poor borrower is
forced to be quiet, not having any remedy.
When an estate is mortgaged to us, we seldom
let it go out of our hands; for if the money
lent be not brought and paid just on the day,
then we put the borrower off till the next six
moneths, refusing to deliver up the writings,
and then it becomes forfeited, so that we force
them to sell it to us, or give extraordinary fees, to
cause us to release our interest; especially if we
discover it to be sold to another, we refuse to
shew the writings, and so weary out the borrower
with delays and pretences, &c. But this was but
small game, to what we after played, as I shall
presently tell you, for the 350l. being all put
out in parcels, and though they often returned
.bn 209.png
.pn +1
with profit enough, yet it was very hard to get
400l. together to pay the money that was borrowed,
for now it had been lent a year, and the
Usurer, though he hath never so good security,
yet he loves to see his money sometimes, especially
when he deals with a stranger, as the man
was that borrowed it; and though my Master
might have cheated him of his money, yet he was
unwilling so to give over, but proceed in his Trade
which had gained him so much: wherefore my
Master upon search and inquiry, found that the
same Company (whose Seal he had Counterfeited)
had a parcel of Land in the Countrey, not far
from London, which they had let to a wealthy Citizen,
who had given over Trading for some years,
and now lived in the Country: My Master getting
the particulars of this Land soon makes a
Lease, and with the help of his Counterfeit Seal,
makes it authentick, so that without much trouble
he procures a thousand pound to be lent
upon it by another Usurer who lived private, and
the business was so ordered, that the Usurer was
well enough contented without seeing the Land:
my Master gave his old Confederate forty pound
to personate the borrower, and then he paid in
the four hundred pound that was formerly borrowed,
so that only he thereby engaged that
Usurer to him, who now had so good an opinion
of my Master, that he soon made it up fifteen
hundred pound, and desired him to procure him
either good security, or a purchase for it: all
which was done in a fair way, to the Usurers content,
and my Masters profit; and thus did our
Trade increase, my Master getting much money,
.bn 210.png
.pn +1
and many a Crown, and half piece came into my
pocket; for he knowing that I was privy to the
first Cheat, did humor me very much, and took
his Son off from abusing me, and caused every
body that borrowed money to give me some gratuity
for expedition, so that I had money enough,
and the keeping of all my Masters Cash is committed
to my charge: My Master had one rare
contrivance lately, which I will tell you of whilst
it is in my minde; and thus it was, he had a
Kinswoman who had long lived with him, and
some moneys he had of hers in his hands, which
was a Legacy formerly given her by another.
This Maid being Courted by a Shop-keeper in
way of Marriage, the match went forwards, and
was agreed upon on these terms; the Shop-keepers
Father was to give him a hundred pound in
money to put him into Stock, and my Master
was to give his Kinswoman fifty pound, this being
agreed on, my Master takes the young man aside,
and thus discourses him: Young man, here have
I agreed to give fifty pound with my Kinswoman,
which gains you a hundred pound of your Father,
now I having not ready money by me, must borrow
this fifty pound, for which you must be bound with
me, and when it becomes due I will pay it; This
I say you must do without acquainting your Father,
and so the business shall be done, and I pray be a
good Husband, &c. The young man soon consented,
the marriage was consummated, and all
things went well for a while, but within twelve
months the young couple having run out all,
my Masters Kinswoman came again to her
Uncle to acquaint him with their condition, and
.bn 211.png
.pn +1
desire his advice and assistance; my Master was
much troubled at this chance, for he expected
the contrary, and intended to get back the fifty
pound for which end he had the young man
bound, that he might be forced to pay the money,
when in a condition; but seeing it was otherwise,
he considered the matter, and wish’d her to send
her Husband to him, and be patient, and make
no words, and all should be well: her Husband
according to order came, and after several checks
past for his ill husbandry, he asked him if his
Father knew any thing of his Condition? no, said
the young man, I have kept it from his knowledge,
and he thinks I thrive in the world, and is
glad of it; well then, said my Master, you know
I gave you fifty pound, for which you were bound,
and indeed it is still unpaid: now if you will be
contented to pay that fifty pound in, I will raise
you two hundred pound, so that you shall have
fifty pound more in ready money, and then see
how good a Husband you will be. To this the
young man gladly consented, and my Master soon
after took occasion to meet and drink with his
Father, and after some other discourse, they
joyntly talked of the young mans thriving in the
world, and were both glad of the match, and
good husbandry: but said my Master, now I think
on it, there is now an opportunity of doing him
much good if he had more money, and therefore
you would do well to furnish them; I shall not be
backward, replies the Father, upon a good account,
therefore I pray tell me the business: My
Master thereupon told him, that with two hundred
pound more he might be bravely settled and
.bn 212.png
.pn +1
furnished, for the Lease of his House is to be sold,
and I can get it for a hundred pound, and that is
a rich penny-worth, and the other hundred pound,
I would have him to lay out in furnishing his
shop more plentifully, than now it is. Truly reply’d
the old man, this would do well: but I have
no money at present, neither if I had, should I be
willing to part from any more than a hundred
pound at a time; Well for that, said my Master,
if you please, I will manage the matter: Thus
will I procure two hundred pound for the young
man; nay, and I have so great a love for him,
that I will be bound with him and you for it, and
when it shall be due, you shall only pay a hundred
pound of the money, and your Son the
t'other: To this the old man after some pause,
and a little consideration consented, the business
was done, and the money paid. My Master indeed
being acquainted with the Landlord of the
young man’s House, gained a Lease of it for
eighty pound, and made the young man allow a
100l. and deducting the fifty pound he had formerly
given him, he gave him the t'other fifty
pound. Thus had my Master his fifty pound
again, and twenty pound for his pains in the
business. When the money became due, my
Masters Confederate, the Usurer, in whose name
the Bond was made, demanded the money of
the young man, where there was none to be
had; and the old man was willing to pay only
a hundred pound of it according to Contract,
where shall I have the rest, said the Usurer?
why truly said the old man, if my Son cannot pay
you, then let his wives Uncle, meaning my Master:
.bn 213.png
.pn +1
But course was soon taken otherwise, and
my Master being first, and principle in the Bond,
made no more ado, but confessed Judgement, and
thereupon Execution was taken out against them
all, but served only upon the old man, who was
forced to pay all the money. Thus my Master,
by being principle in the Bond saved himself, regained
the fifty pound he had formerly lent, and
gained twenty pound, besides making of Writings;
and this, said he, will serve to help my
Kinswoman when I see occasion. I having heard
him with good attention, and considering with
my self my own petty Rogueries, and how inconsiderable
they were in comparison of what he had
related to me, could not but burst out into admiration,
and told him, that I saw the world
was an absolute Cheat: and now I find that saying
to be verified which I had often heard, That
the World consisted but of two sorts, Knaves and
Fools, and that the one lived by out-witting and
Cheating the other; and if there were any honest
men, they were such as onely lived a contemplative
life, and dealt not in this world; their whole
thoughts being taken up in the Contemplation of
another; Truly, reply’d the Scrivener, if you had
known so much as I of all sorts of people (for we
deal with people of all Qualities and Professions)
you would conclude so indeed: and as the poor
mans ability will not carry him high enough to
Cheat so much at first, so he attempting it, and
being discovered, is quite lost: but if a rich man,
or any who had success in Knavery sets upon it
to get an Estate, it is soon compassed, and the folly
.bn 214.png
.pn +1
and easiness of many honest borrowers enriches
the Knavish lender. Thus we both concluded, as
sufficiently evidenced by the Examples he had
given me: and therefore I desired him to proceed,
which he did in this manner.
.bn 215.png
.pn +1
.pb
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.if-
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.hr 90%
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CHAP. XXI.
.pm start_summary
He proceeds in discovering several considerable
Cheats of his Masters, whereby he grows very
rich: also some Cheats of his own, and so concludes.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My Master (continued the Scrivener) being
now possessed of a thousand pound in ready
money, there fell out an opportunity of good advantage;
(and I have observed it, that there is no
loss, but profit enough to be gained in keeping
five hundred pound alwayes in a readiness in
Cash, especially in our Trade, where so many
offers for sale of Land and Houses are daily made.).
The Landlord of my Masters House was lately
dead, and his Son and Heir being a wild blade,
soon spent all the ready money his Father left,
and all the Debts he could well get in; and now
to selling of some of his Houses he must go, and
my Master being known to be a moneyed man,
and a Scrivener, was thought the best Customer:
He therefore propounds borrowing of five hundred
pound, but my Master being now possessed
of a round sum, and hoping to have a good penny-worth,
was very willing to buy. The young man
and some friends were unwilling, and could not
agree upon terms, and my Master at last consents
.bn 216.png
.pn +1
to lend the money, provided he may have a mortgage
of all that estate in that place, which
amounted to two hundred pound per annum,
was worth three thousand pound, and said he, you
shall not need to make me an absolute assignment
or sale of it all, only a Lease at a Pepper Corn a
year for one and twenty years: But to confirm
it, and for a Collateral security, you must give me
a Statute Staple, to which our young man and
his friends consented. The Lease was made, and
a Statute for a thousand pound entred into, and
the money paid and lent for six moneths only.
The noise of this, and my Masters other Trading,
brought him into great esteem both with lenders
and borrowers, so that his Name being up, he may
lie a bed till noon, and yet get money enough.
A purchase of Land in the Country was offered,
and my Master bought it for a thousand five hundred
pound, of which he borrowed upon a Lease
of part of it. The six moneths quickly came
about wherein his young Landlord was to pay
the five hundred pound: but (according to my
Masters expectation) he failed, and then it was
to be sold, my Master agreed to give two thousand
five hundred pound for it, and so they
struck up a bargain, five hundred he had received
before, a thousand pound he made a shift
to borrow upon the mortgage of the Land he
had lately purchased; (for, though as I told you he
borrowed five hundred pound of the money when
he purchased the Land, and gave a mortgage of
part of it for security, yet he keeping the principal
Writings in his hands, concealed that mortgage,
and now borrowed a thousand pound more
.bn 217.png
.pn +1
of it) five hundred pound more he raised in ready
money of his own, which was two thousand pound,
and for the other five hundred pound, the remainder
of the two thousand five hundred pound: his
young Landlord took his Bond for the money,
not questioning his security for five hundred pound,
that could pay two thousand pound ready money,
neither indeed had he occasion as yet for it. This
being concluded, the money being paid, and writings
seal’d, my Master would not remember to
give up the Statute he had for a thousand pound,
but he had another now for five thousand pound
for security of his bargain, and the young man
never so much as desired a Defeazance upon the
Statute, but mark what follow’d. The youngster
in short time, keeping riotous company, wasting
his body as well as purse, died; and his younger
Brother seized on his estate that was unspent: and
among other things, on my Masters Bond of five
hundred pound, and soon after demanded it;
though my Master at first was non-plus’d, yet he
soon bethought him of a way how to discharge and
acquit himself of it: and thereupon returned this
answer. It is very true, your Brother and I had
much dealing, and I did give him such a Bond
which I am ready to pay to his Executor, which
you tell me you are, provided you pay me what
he likewise owed unto me: why, reply’d the young
man, did he owe you any moneys? yea, said my
Master; and whereas you produce a Bond, which
is indeed a very good speciality, I shall produce
somewhat that is higher, and indeed the highest
security that can be given for any Debt, and that
is a Statute Staple: and thereupon he produced
.bn 218.png
.pn +1
one Statute first, that was given for a thousand
pound upon borrowing of the five hundred pound;
nay, but said the young man, I suppose that this
was part of the money that was for the purchase
of your dwelling house and others; for that, said
my Master I can shew you a particular Receipt
for all the money under his hand and seal, and
also a general acknowledgment in the Deed of
conveyance: wherefore this money I must have
you pay me first, and afterwards I shall talk with
you further; what do you mean by further talk
said the young man? why, said my Master, I mean
to have of you all that your Brother owed me,
which is much more than you think for: for he
and I had great dealings together for a greater
sum of money than all this, as I shall further shew
you; and thereupon he produced the second Statute,
which was for five thousand pound. This
demand of my Masters so vexed the young man,
that he departed, and soon began his course at Law
against my Master, but he took a wrong sow by
the ear, for he finding whereabouts he intended
on his two Statutes, was too quick for this
youngster, and gained a Liberate, which he delivered
to the Sheriff, who served it upon all the
estate of the deceased; so that by this means all
that was unspent of the dead young mans estate
(amounted in Land to the value of four thousand
pound) came to my Masters hands, and yet he
sayes he is unsatisfied: and the young man the
Brother of the deceased cannot help it, for by
this means he is bereft of all Estate to go to Law:
and when money and means is wanting, friends
are scarce; besides, I know not how he can avoid
.bn 219.png
.pn +1
it, his Brother not having taken a Defeazance, as
he ought to have done. Here was a matter worth
playing the Knave for, and would induce some
men to leave off: but my Master had so good success
in his proceedings, that he is resolved to proceed
in them. The money that he borrowed on
all the Mortgages, both Counterfeit Leases and
others, he soon paid off, and yet left himself worth
above three hundred pound per annum, and money
in his purse. Thus having a good estate, and now
being full of imployments, both for buying, selling,
borrowing, and lending: he always keeps a
good Bank of money. If any purchase of Land
come at twelve or thirteen years purchase, he
buyes it, because he knows of a Customer that
will give fifteen or sixteen. And thus he will
gain five hundred pounds in a weeks time. We
lately had one business worth all the rest, and
which hath now made him weary of getting
money: A Knight having a Lordship in the
Country worth two thousand pound per annum,
comes first to borrow money, and grants a Lease
and Statute upon the borrowing of two thousand
pound: this my Master lent himself of his own
money, the Knight within a moneth or two being
to marry a Daughter, wants two thousand pound
more, which was likewise promised on the same security:
by this time my Master was somewhat
drained of his ready money, and knowing that the
Knight would soon be with him again, he casts about
how to raise more: which thus he does, he
borrows 1500l. upon a Lease of part of his
purchase, of his dwelling house and others, and
keeps the grand Writings in his hands; he borrows
.bn 220.png
.pn +1
a thousand pound on his Land in the Country,
and of another party he borrows fifteen hundred
pound more upon a Lease of part of his purchase
of his dwelling house and others, keeping still the
grand Writings in his hands: and thus having
eight thousand pound ready money, he goes to
the Knight, and upon treaty, agrees to give him
thirty two thousand pound for his estate, which
price being concluded on, he borrows two thousand
pound upon his dwelling house and others,
and then parts from the grand Writings, and Covenants
that the estate is free of Incumbrances,
though he had twice mortgaged it in part: and
thus having raised ten thousand pound, he borrows
twelve thousand pound more upon part of his new
purchase, and the Knight is contented to take
the t'other ten thousand pound in full of the purchase,
at two six moneths, and only takes my
Masters Bond: this was lately settled and agreed
upon, and all Writings made, and I doubt the
Knight will come short of his money; for my
Master hath so many Statutes which the Knight
never dreams of, having still given them without
taking Defeazances, that I believe he will be cut
off from his Debt, and so must the Usurer that
lent my Master the twelve thousand pound upon
a mortgage of part of his new Lordship; for
my Master being resolved to make this a piece
of wit, and to do his utmost to cheat them all,
did the next day after the Purchase was made,
and Writings sealed, cause us to sit up all night,
and make an absolute bargain and sale of
all that his new purchase to two friends in
trust, for the use of his Children, so that the
.bn 221.png
.pn +1
Usurer who lent his twelve thousand pounds, had
not his Writings of Assignments sealed till a week
or ten dayes after, and when the time comes for
payment, he may be chous’d and defeated of all,
and my Master being Master of an Estate of two
thousand pounds per annum, may live and laugh
at them all for their credulity; for he hath so
ordered it that the Law cannot touch the Estate,
it may only reach his person, and as for that, we
know it is but a Kings-Bench matter, and there
he may live all his life time, and spend like a
Lord, and when he dies his Debts are paid, and
his Estate goes to his Children. But if he hath
success for two or three more such businesses as
this last, he need not do so, but leave the Cheat
to the last Cast, and grow infinitely rich, as I
question not but he will.
Thus, said our Scrivener, have I given you an
account of my Masters way to get money, and I
have not been without mine: he would many
times permit me to cheat a little, because I assisted
him and was privy to his concerns. I have one
way that brings me in twenty or thirty pounds
per annum; for all Deeds of Bargain and Sale
are to be Enrolled in six moneths after the date,
either in Chancery, if it be Land or Houses out of
London, or in Guild-Hall, if within London or the
Liberties thereof; and I was once forced to trot
to Chancery-lane four or five times for one Deed
before I could get it done, and when it was done,
all that was to be seen on the Deed was, Inrolled
such a Day and Year in Chancery, per me such a
one. I seeing that, learned to write the Hand,
they use in Endorsing, and for the future only
.bn 222.png
.pn +1
writ it my self on the back side to shew our Clients,
and that was sufficient; for not one in a thousand
is search’d for, and this is only done in case the
Deed be lost, so that I now have got the trick
on't to write on the back-side my self, and put
that money the Register should have into my own
pocket, and that is a pretty quantity, for an indifferent
Deed comes to twenty shillings, at so
much per Roll. Forty other wayes have I to get
moneys, and indeed I need not invent wayes, for
our Trade is so great for Procuration and Continuation,
and such like, that I get money enough
more than I can well tell how to spend.
I will now conclude, onely tell you a story or
two, how I have initiated my self in this Art of
Knavery, for my time being suddenly to expire,
I thought it necessary to try some expedients
how I might live hereafter when I came to be
for my self; and knowing that my Master could
not do any thing at first without a Confederate
(some body to help and assist him) I procured the
like: We had many indigent persons that came
to borrow money, some Gentlemen, others decayed
and decaying Citizens; amongst the rest a
Master of a Ship, who had made so many broken
voyages that he could make no more, for he had
wearied all his Friends with holding parts of
Ships with him to their great loss; but he holding
to the Proverb, That a Sea-man is never broken
till his neck is broken, was resolved to try his fortune
one bout more, and had now with the help
of Friends made a shift to buy an old Barque of
near a hundred Tun, in which he was minded to
go to Sea, partly as a Man of War, and withal
.bn 223.png
.pn +1
to bring home prohibited Goods from France.
This man was an earnest suiter to borrow an hundred
pounds upon Bottomry, or any wayes, to
victual and fit his Ship; I finding him ingenious,
after some conference with him, and he being
willing for any Undertaking, we concluded to go
half snips in the profit of his Voyage, and I would
furnish him with moneys to his content: I soon
perswaded an easie friend of mine who had more
money than wit, to lend our Captain an hundred
pounds, promising him great profit, and indeed
he was to have fifty in the hundred for that Voyage,
which was to be finished in two moneths, and
I told him that he might ensure his money at the
Ensurance Office, which he did accordingly. Our
Captain being furnished with a hundred pound of
the Usurer, I made bold with an hundred pound
more of my Masters, which could not soon be
missed out of the Cash, and with this the Ship
was so bravely fitted and provided with all Necessaries,
that he was offered Fraights enough. At
last he concluded with one to bring over some
rich Goods, and the times being dangerous at
Sea, by reason of Men of War at Sea, he ensured
five hundred pounds upon the Ship.
The Ensurers knowing this, and that the man
who ensured was a substantial Merchant, mistrusted
nothing; but likewise ensured five hundred
pounds more to the Captain, because he had laid
out much in fitting the Ship, and did it as he pretended
for satisfaction of the Owners. All things
being thus fitted, our Captain leaving his Policy or
Deed of Ensurance with me, put out to Sea,
arrived at his Port, received the Goods on Board,
.bn 224.png
.pn +1
but having a parcel of trusty Blades with him, and
some who had shares in the purchase, he puts the
best part of the Merchandize on Board of a small
Barque he had hired for that purpose, and that
being sent ashore to another Port, he soon after
ran his Ship ashore in such a place as he was not
likely to come off, and there she perished, he and
his companions getting on shore with some small
matter of Goods in the Long-boat: He being
arrived on shore, soon writ word to me how he
had sped, and I being acquainted very well with
the Ensurers, perswaded them to pay me the
money he had ensured first, upon some small rebate;
and he on the other side selling the Merchandize
on shore, put it into other commodities
and sent them home, and himself came home as
a distressed passenger, and here the Ensurers paid
for all: Such bouts as these they sometimes met
with, and that so often, that now adayes when a
Merchant hath ensured, he had need to ensure
on the Ensurers, and some have done so.
When our Captain came home, we privately
met and shared our profit, and by this I gained
two hundred pounds for my share, and this was
a good beginning; and though I hazarded to Sea,
yet there was less hazard then my Master underwent
in his first attempt in Counterfeiting a Companies
Seal; for should he have been discovered,
sorrow would have been his sops. I have now
and then had five or ten pound given me at a
time for altering a Will, and putting in more as
Legacy to one than the Testator intended, and
this I would venture on without much hazard, if
the Testator were sick to death. My Master
.bn 225.png
.pn +1
once made a Will, and instead of another, made
himself Executor, and I and one more of the
Confederacy were witnesses to it, by this means
he gained near three hundred pound.
I have oftentimes had a Piece or two given me
to make Writings in favour of one man more
than another; for in a Lease, if Rent reserved be
100l. per annum, and there be no Covenant for
payment of the Rent, when either of the parties
die, if any Rent be behind due to the Lessee, it
cannot be recovered by the Executors, Administrators,
or Assigns of the Lessor, because there
was no Covenant between them in behalf of their
Executors, Administrators and Assigns; and it
hath been usual in all ancient Leases to leave
that Covenant out as needless, but now people
are grown wiser by experience.
In arbitration between parties there is much
cunning and knavery to be used, in drawing up
an Award, or final End; for the Scrivener, if he
be a friend to, or favour either of the parties,
shall do it so as that it shall be void, or not
authentick, or not obliging to one of the parties,
and yet the Arbitrators who are commonly honest
harmless men, think they have done their business,
when as they have only made more work for
Lawyers.
In Counter-Bonds there may be much partiality
used, as also in Letters of Attorney, only putting
in his use, for my use, entitles the Attorney to receive
all to his own use without any account;
and such a thing as this is often slipt over, or not
understood, and many a good piece and Half-piece
comes into our pockets in a year for these
actions.
.bn 226.png
.pn +1
It was like to go very hard with one of my
Masters acquaintance not long since, for he being
skilled in counterfeiting of Hands, did very artificially
counterfeit a Citizens Hand (with whom
he had some small dealing) to a Bond of 400l. to
pay 200l. with interest at a day, and when the
time came he asked him before some company
to pay him that money that he then owed him:
Yes, said the Citizen, I shall do it next week,
meaning a small sum which he did directly owe
him, and did then pay him, but the other then
telling him of his Bond of 400l. and the Citizen
directly denying it, a Suit was commenced, and
Tryal was had at the Kings-Bench Bar in Westminster-Hall,
where the innocent Citizen (seeing
the confidence of the Witnesses, and indeed his
own hand, as he supposed, to the Bond, which he
could not deny but it was so, or very like) and
having nothing to say, in a passion cryed out in
open Court, to desire God to revenge his Cause, for
he was utterly and absolutely wronged. This being
so solemnly protested, made not only the Judge
but the Jury a little more inquisitive into the
matter than ordinary, and called for some papers
to compare the hand with other of his handwriting,
but no difference could be found therein.
The Bond thus passing about to every one of the
Jury, one of them viewing the Bond more narrowly
than ordinary, craved leave of the Judge
to be discharged of his place as a Jury-man, and
to be admitted & sworn as a Witness; for my
Lord, saith he, I can say somewhat to the matter.
This his request was assented to, and he being
sworn, began in this manner, My Lord, this Bond
.bn 227.png
.pn +1
here in Court is pretended to be made, sealed, and delivered
nine moneths since, when, my Lord, this
Paper whereon it is written, hath not been in England
above four moneths. How do you know that?
said my Lord. The Jury-man replyed, My Lord,
I am a Stationer or Paper-seller, and to all Paper
there are several marks whereby we know and distinguish
them; As Pot, Piller, Crown, Cardinals-Armes,
&c. and my Lord, this being such a sort of
Paper was made by a young man in France, whose
mark is here, and none of it came over till within
these four moneths. At this the Judge was satisfied,
all people wondred, the Defendant rejoyced,
and the Plaintiff with his Swearers were forced
to sneak out of the Court, and could not presently
be heard of.
I once was called to make a Will, and the party
lying speechless, another there present dictated to
me, telling me, that the sick man he was sure
would consent to what he said, which I believing,
proceeded and finished the Will, but when I came
to have him sign it, I saw that he was dead: well,
said the party that dictated, if you will be ruled
by me, this Will shall stand, and yet nobody forswear
themselves, and said he to me, you shall
have a good reward for your consent. I being
ready to receive money, promised him my consent;
whereupon, saith he, read the Will, so I
did: well, saith he, you see the party doth not at
all contradict what is here written, & now he
shall set his hand and seal thereto, which he did
by guiding the dead mans hand: now, saith he,
if you be questioned, you may safely swear that
you read the Will to him, and he consented, or
.bn 228.png
.pn +1
at leastwise did not contradict, and that you saw
him with his own hand sign, seal, and deliver the
same. Well sir, said I, if you are content I am;
and thereupon he giving me the promised reward,
I subscribed as Witness, and left him, who soon
after by vertue of this Will possessed himself of
the Estate. I had seen this trick of putting a
dead mans hand to Writings done two or three
times before, and so this was no new thing, and
would not contradict any thing that was to turn
to my profit.
I could tell you thousands of these Cheats, and
indeed, as one said, there is more mischief done
with a dash of the Pen, than with any thing else
in the way of Knavery and Cheating. Thus did
our Scrivener conclude his Discourse, and we calling
for another pint of Wine and a Faggot, drank
and warmed our selves, and so for that time parted.
.hr 90%
.bn 229.png
.pn +1
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXII.
.pm start_summary
The Book-sellers Prentice gives an account of his
Masters first tricks in Cheating, by Printing
Books that were other mens Copies.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
After this conference with the Scrivener, I
went home; and as he told me, my saying
to my Master that I had been with him was sufficient,
so I found it; for I was asked no more
Questions, but went to bed; and there did I recollect
to my self, all that he had that evening
told me: and though I could not perfectly remember
the several terms of Art he used, as
Judgement, Execution, Scire facias, Statute, Procuration,
and Continuation, &c. Yet I was sensible
of their meaning, and did very much wonder,
how any man could sleep being guilty of so
many crimes as he and his Master were; yet
I found that they slept the better, or at leastwise
fared the better, by reason of their great wealth;
and then did I compare my forepassed life, to
what I had heard of them, and it was not worth
mentioning; so that from that time, I had a
more charitable opinion for my self then formerly.
And since I had so good success with my
Scrivener, I was resolved to be a little more
intimate with the rest of the Society, especially
the Book-seller, that I might know how he gained
his Money: and the next day I had my desire;
for meeting him abroad, we went to an
Ale-house, and there did I discover to him part
.bn 230.png
.pn +1
of my yesterdays actions with the Scrivener, and
thereby induced him to make me this following
Discourse.
Truly Brother (for so we called one another)
you have told me wonders, though so admirable,
that I could not have thought so much crafty
knavery could have been committed by any man
breathing, though I did believe that there was
more then I understood, having always heard
that it was a dangerous thing to squeeze Wax, and
that Scriveners in general were cunning fellows,
but that any man out of nothing should by tricks
and subtile contrivances, gain to himself so great
an Estate, and yet not run into the compass of the
Law, but now I see the Proverbs verified, Nothing
venture, nothing have, and that a blot is no blot till it
be hit, and give a man luck and throw him into the
Sea. And although I have thought my Master
a man cunning and crafty enough, and did believe
that he who deals in Books could not be outwitted,
yet I see that a piece of Parchment with
a seal to it, is better then a great many Books,
nay then a whole Impression: but that I may
give you some satisfaction in what you desire,
I shall proceed in my Discourse; and though I
cannot tell you so many, nor so profitable contrivances
as you have related to me, yet those of
our calling deserve not to go much behind, and
we do our utmost good will to cheat, though it
turns not to so good an account.
My Master when I came to Prentice had but a
small stock of Books, and those were all in his
Shop, with which, together with some paper,
.bn 231.png
.pn +1
parchment, pens, and such like Stationers ware,
he made a shift to pick up an indifferent livelihood;
but he being of a reaching brain, and
seeing there were very rich people, such as gained
great Estates, and lived bravely of the same
trade: he made it his business to inquire into
their way: the most sorts of Books that we sold
were Testaments, Psalters, Grammars, Accidences,
and such books as we call Priviledged
ware, and indeed were Printed for the Company
in general, and to be had of some of the
Stock-keepers, or masters of the Company, or
at the Hall, and though our profit in selling
these sorts of books was but small, as not above
two pence in the shilling, yet it was a certain
commodity, and the sale sure: whereas other
books; either of Divinity, History, &c. were not
so certain, though more profitable, as commonly
bringing four pence in the shilling profit, and
thus did we continue buying books of other
book-sellers, as we were asked for them, and had
occasion; my Master commonly keeping to one
man, because he could there be trusted and furnished,
with any book he wanted, it fortuned
that a new book being printed, a small thing of
about four or five sheets of paper: it sold so well,
that my Master went often for them to his wonted
place: one time they had none of them
left, but desiring my Master to stay, they would
send for some; which my Master did, but the
Messenger came back without any, and brought
word that he should not have any more of them
upon account or exchange, for he now held
.bn 232.png
.pn +1
them at ready Money, and that he would have,
or part from none; well then, said my Master,
I will go thither and buy some my self. No, said
the Master of the shop, you shall not need, I’le
send for some this once with ready Money, and
you shall have them cheaper of me then of him;
and so he did, and he received them and told me,
that if he wanted any more, he could be very
well furnished with them within three or four
days, and the other had been better not to have
served him so; but the book selling very well,
all my masters were gone that night; and I went
my self to the bookseller who printed them
for some, the which I had; but the next day I
went again, he had none, and told me that I
could not have any in a weeks time. I acquainted
my Master herewith, who being called upon
for some of them, went to his old place to see if
they had any, they told him they had none at
present, but to morrow he might have what
number he pleased, accordingly the next day I
went, and brought fifty of them with me; and
then my Master (beginning to suspect that
which he afterwards found out) sent me to the
booksellers who printed them, and he had
none, wherefore he then concluded that the
bookseller with whom he was wont to deal had
printed them, though they were none of his
Copy, at which he wondred: for the greater
sort of booksellers did use to inform us that it
was a most heinous and unlawful thing to print
another mans Copy, so that I think, this was
the first time that my master discovered this Mystery,
.bn 233.png
.pn +1
for the Book continuing to sell, we sold
in our Shop above five hundred of them; so
that my Master begining to consider with
himself, reckoned that he had payd to his Dealer
above five pounds for these Pamphlets, and
yet got very well by them too: wherefore not
long after coming into the company of a Printer,
he asked what it would cost to print 2000 of
a Book of five Sheets of paper: the Printer replyed,
Ten pound: by this my master guessed
that his Dealer had gained half in half by him:
for he had paid for 500, half what 2000 would
cost. My Master holding some further Discourse
with this Printer over a pot of Ale, he told him
that he did work for such a man, naming the
Bookseller with whom my Master dealt, and
saith he, I lately did two sheets for him of a
book he gained well by, for I printed 5000 for
my share: so that at length, after conference
together, they concluded it was the same book
my Master sold so many of, and that he had
printed it in three or four places for expedition,
and that he could not gain less then 30l.
by printing it: I but says my Master, how will
he do to answer it to the other man whose Copy
it was? For that, said the Printer, he will do
well enough, for the other is but a young man,
and light upon his Copy by chance; and though
the Law forbids such doings, as the printing
one anothers Copies, yet the great ones commonly
devour and eat up the little ones, and
will venture on it being but a small thing; and
it may be this young man is indebted to the
other: and indeed it is a usual thing, and we do
.bn 234.png
.pn +1
such Jobbs very frequently, especially for the
Grand ones of the Company. But how comes
it, said my Master, that some or other do not
print their Copies, as Testaments, Psalters, &c.
As for that, said the Printer, it is very dangerous,
for if they were taken, it belonging to the
whole Company, they would be sure to seize on
it, and sue the party so offending; besides, the
books are too big for every one to venture on, &
will lie too long in hand a doing; but sometimes
such things are done, but in another way, as I
can tell. Thus ended my Master and the Printer
their Discourse of this matter, and my Master
desired the printer to call on him some
times, and he would drink with him; and
it may be have some employment for him, and
thus they parted. My Master now understanding
thus much of his Trade, more than formerly,
was resolved it should not be long ere he
were doing somewhat: thus pondering in his
mind, he could not tell what design to begin with,
for we sold very little but priveledged Ware, and
those it was dangerous medling with, neither
would my Masters stock reach to any thing considerable;
at last resolving to play at small game
rather then stand out, he bethought himself, and
resolved to print the A B C, a little Childs
book of a sheet of paper: he knew not then what
printer to intrust, for he durst not make use of
the former Printer, lest he should acquaint his
Dealer; but it was not long ere he light upon
one fit for his purpose, and to work he went,
my master sending in paper, and so they were
printed, delivered, and paid for, but when my
.bn 235.png
.pn +1
Master had them, he knew not how to dispose
of them, lest he should be caught; but that he
might have the better pretence, he went and
bought 300 of them of his Dealer, and so laying
them by, sold his own, and being acquainted
with a primer-binder, he got him to exchange
with him for primers, and such like small books
he was rid of most of them to his great profit,
for he gained, as I have heard him say, above
five pounds by that jobb, which was then a great
deal of money, and by this means his Shop
was better furnished with small books & paper,
and now he had good credit with the paper-Merchant,
which before he could not have. Not
long after, the Printer who had printed the A B C
came to him and acquainted him, that if he would
venture a matter of ten pounds, he might be concerned
in printing of a book that would turn to a
very good account and it may be get twenty
pound by the bargain: he having had such good
success in the last, ventures upon this, it was a
Sermon that then sold very well, and he had another
partner, and my Master having some money
by him, and pretty good credit at the paper-merchants;
he found paper, and the other paid for
printing, and at two places it was done in a
Week; my master putting them out in London
to the Mercuries and others at one penny a piece
less then the ordinary rate, and his partner dealing
with Country-Chapmen, sent good store away
into the Country; and thus, though this was
another mans Coppy, they sold all their books in
a short time, and gained 25l. a piece. This was
a good beginning, said I to the Bookseller, and I
.bn 236.png
.pn +1
did not think your Trade had been so profitable;
but now I believe, that these courses being prosecuted,
a considerable Estate may be gained in
a short time: that you shall soon hear, replied he:
but the Discourse being somewhat long, I shall
for the present end, and prosecute the rest in the
following Chapter.
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXIII.
.pm start_summary
He proceeds in the discovery of his Masters ways in
cheating, in preferring some Copies, and other
ways of getting Copies.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My Master having now had some experience
in this way of printing, was resolved to
play above board, and get some Copy or Copies
to print, that he might own; which in short time
he did, and glad was he to see his name in
print, supposing himself now to be some body:
but these things did him but little good, and
sold but easily, he not having the way of preferring
books, and sending them to some Country
Chapmen, and the rest of the booksellers,
who endeavor to crush any beginner, and will
not sell his books, unless they may have them
at their own rate, would not sell any of them
.bn 237.png
.pn +1
for him? and besides, now he gave Mony for
his Copies, the other costing him nothing: and
though a book be never so good, they will not
sell with some men, for the others will undervalue
and spoil it: as for example, If my Master
had printed at that time the best book of
Chirurgery, Husbandry, Cookery, or the like
in the World, and though the book had been
famous enough, so that every one desired it, and
asked at any booksellers shop for it, they would
have said to their Customers, Truly Sir, there is
such a book, but in regard it is a foolish idle
thing, and of no weight, I have not any of
them, I will not trouble my shop with them;
but Sir, here is another of the same Subject,
that is much better, and in great esteem with ingenious
and knowing men: If the Customer replies
he would have only that book and no other,
for that it was recommended to him for an
ingenious well-writ piece, then will he reply,
Truly Sir, I never heard any of your judgement
before, till now I was never asked for them; but
since you speak so well of it, I will procure you
one: and then it may be, for all this Discourse
he will shew you one, as if left by chance, or
else send to his neighbour-bookseller for one.
Thus will he disparage other mens books, and
prize his own, and many times put off some of
his own, the buyer being so civil as to believe
him: and this is a general Maxime, That they
will not offer, or prefer a book of any mans
printing except their own, unless they have it
either in exchange or at a low rate; and this
.bn 238.png
.pn +1
is the cause that there are some books as considerable,
and good as any in England, that did
not sell at first for little better than wast paper,
till some of the Grand ones of the Company
get them all into their hands, and then they sell
for three times the price they did. But to leave
this Discourse and proceed, my Master having
now printed two or three things, did look upon
himself as somebody; and though he had
not such good success in his last undertakings as
before, yet he made a shift to get what they cost
him for paper and print, and had many of them
still by him to sell when he would, or exchange;
but he having but two or three sorts of books,
could not do much good upon that: he seeing
this, and observing what books sold best, it being
at the beginning of these late Wars, found
that factious Sermons, and such like things
would do the business; he thereupon bestirs
himself, and gets acquainted with most of the
factious Priests about Town, by often hearing
them and frequenting their Companies, and
having learned to write short-hand, took notes
of their Sermons, which he collected together,
and now and then he would get them to revise
one of them, and print it; by this means spending
much time and mony amongst them, he
grew very intimate, and was become the general
publisher of most of their Sermons and Controversies.
This was that which brought him great
gain, in a short time he could vie with the
best, what he sold not for mony, he exchanged
for books: and now he could command any
.bn 239.png
.pn +1
book in all the Company without mony, upon
account, as is the Custome. His Shop being well
furnished, he gets a Ware-house, where he bestowed
his books in quires; and being thus furnished,
he was first spoken to by some Country
booksellers, and then writ to by them and other,
for severall books, so that any thing that
he printed he could sell off well enough; for
having good hap to print some very good selling
books, they helped away the other that were
not so good, and still were thrust into the parcel
among the rest: and now having some good
Authors, he would not accept of every one; and
as he formerly had sought for, and courted Authors
to write books for him, now they (knowing
his way of preferring and selling of books)
followed, and courted him to print their books.
If a stranger came with a Copy to him, though
never so good, he would tell them he had books
enough already; but however, if they would give
him so much money, he would do it, and they
should have two, or three, or six books for themselves
and friends: many a one did he thus perswade
out of their mony, being desirous to be
in print. If he had a desire to have any thing
writ in History, Poetry, or any other Science or
Faculty, he had his several Authors, who for a
glass of Wine, and now and then a meals Meat
and half a Crown, were his humble servants;
having no other hire but that, and six or twelve
of their books, which they presented to friends
or persons of Quality; nay, and when they
have had success, if they wanted any more books,
.bn 240.png
.pn +1
they must pay for them: further I have known
some of our Trade, that when a poor Author
hath written a book, and being acquainted with
some Person or persons of Quality whereto he
Dedicates and presents it, the Book-seller will
go snips and have half shares of what is so given
him. My Master being now gotten to the
height of his Trade, was soon called on to be
one of the Livery of his Company, which
though it be somewhat chargeable at first, yet
it soon brings in profit, there being many conveniences
therein; for they have liberty to put
in a sum of money into the publike Stock, and
so great is their profit, that they have seldome
less then twenty per cent, and then when, they
come to be Stock-keepers or Warden they
have the disposing of the Stock-books, such as
are Testaments, Psalters, &c. and putting them
out to print, they often print so many over-numbers,
that shall serve them as long as they
live. In particular, there is no Trade that I ever
heard of, that gets so much by their Commodity
for whatever they print, if it sels, they
get eight pence in the shilling: and for those
that deal with Country-Chapmen, they put off
the bad well enough at one time or another; and
if they are very bad, then a new title is printed
as if it were a new book; and what with this and
changing, they march off in time.
There was one preacher in London that my
Master was much respective to, for he had gained
much money by printing several of his
books (and though my Master in outward appearance
.bn 241.png
.pn +1
seems a Saint, yet he hath his freaks,
and will be merry with his friends, and be prophane
enough.) One Sunday my master having
been rambling in the fields, entred the City
in the afternoon just as sermon was done, and
seeing this parson going before him, he stept
forwards, and overtaking him, salutes him thus,
Sir, I am glad to see you so well, indeed Sir, you
have this day taken a great deal of pains, and we
are all beholden to you for your Soul-saving Sermon:
how say you, said the Parson, what do you
mean? Why Sir, I thank you for your Sermon you
preached this afternoon: Nay, now Sir, said the
Parson, I see you are mistaken, for I have not preached
this day, my master hearing this, was wonderfully
surprized, not knowing what to say, but
left the Parson and came home discontented at
his error. We having several Country-Chapmen,
some whereof owed my master considerable
sums of mony, he took occasion to go into the
Countrey, and to be sure, he would make it worth
his Journeys for at every considerable Town he
would buy some books, and sell them at the next,
or send them up to London, and sometimes whole
Libraries; and he did take order with all his
Chapmen to acquaint him with all Libraries or
parcels of books that were to be sold, which if
worth the buying he would have. He would also
frequent the Schools, and by drinking with
the School-masters, and discoursing of books
and learned men, he would get their custome to
serve them with School-books. There was one
famous Country-Parson whom he much desired
.bn 242.png
.pn +1
to be acquainted with, and to him he rid, telling
him he was troubled in mind, and desired him
to satisfie him in a case of Conscience, the which
he did; and then for his satisfaction, and to
oblige him, he prayed and courted him to see him
when he came to London, the which he did, and
all this was to get the printing of his books. If
a ustomer comes into our Shop to buy a book,
he hath such ways of preferring and recommending
of it, that they seldom go and not buy, for
he will open the book, and if it be Divinity,
shew them one place or another, out of which
he will preach to them, and tell them, that very
saying or discourse is worth all the money in
the world and if they do not like it when they
have read it over, he will take it again: and so
many of our Trade will promise, but you shall
hardly ever get your money again, you may
chance to have them exchange it for some other
book, which they will be willing to do if
there be money stirring in the case. My Master
having had a book written for him by a Poet,
the Author (not having the wit to make his
bargain, and know what he should have beforehand)
when he had finished it, desired payment
for his pains: Nay, said my master, you
ought rather to pay me for printing it, and making
you famous in print. Well then, said the
Author, if you will not give me money, I hope
you will give me some books. How, said my
master, give you books, what will you have me
forswear my Trade, and be a book-giver? I am
a book-seller, and to you I will sell them as soon
.bn 243.png
.pn +1
as to another, if you will give me money, paper
and print costs money, and this was all the
Author could have for his pains. My Master is
now one of the Grandees of the Company, and
that besides the ordinary way gets him something.
Not long since, he and others went a searching,
and finding an impression of unlicensed books,
seized them, but instead of suppressing and turning
them to wast paper, they divided the greatest
part of them amongst themselves, and immediately
my Master sent some of them away to all
his Chapmen, and the rest we sell in the Shop. It
so fell out lately; that a book being to be Printed,
my Master repaired to the Author to get the
Copy, but another of the same Trade had been
there before, to whom it was in part promised;
but however (out of respect to my Master) the
other being sent for, it was agreed that they should
have the printing of it between them; whereupon
one printer was imployed by them both to do the
work. My Master soon after sent for the Printer,
and tells him, You must do me a kindness: Yes
Sir, said the printer. It is this, said my Master,
I am to give away to the Authour some Books,
wherefore I would have you to print 200 for me
above the number, and do not tell my Partner,
and I will pay you: Yes, said the Printer, and so
he did, and was paid for them accordingly.
But the Printer seeing the knavery of his imployers
(for the other had been with him; and
engaged him to print the same number of 200
over, pretending some private use he had for
them) he likewise printed 400 over for his own
.bn 244.png
.pn +1
use, and publiquely sold them; and neither of
them could or would complain of him to the
other, because they knew themselves guilty of the
same crime.
One of the greatest pieces of profit the whole
Company hath, is the printing of Almanacks,
for by that, I believe, they clear above 1000l.
per annum: but a knavish Printer lately outwitted
them, for he printed a great number of
Almanacks, and though he printed but two
sorts, yet they served for all the other sorts, only
altering the Title page, at the beginning, and the
last sheet which we call the Prog, or Prognostication;
and these Almanacks he affording cheaper
then ordinary, as indeed well he might, he sold
off a good number of them, which was to his
gain and their great hinderance; but he is lately
discovered, and how they will deal with him I
know not.
In the late times of Liberty, when every one
printed what they pleased, if one Bookseller
printed a book that sold, another would get it
printed in a lesser Character, and so the book
being less in bulk, though the same in matter,
would sell it for a great deal less price, and so
undersell one another: and of late there hath
been hardly a good book but it is epitomized,
and for the most part spoiled, only for a little
gain: so that few books that are good, are now
printed, only Collections and patches out of several
books; and Booksellers employing the
meaner sort of Authors in spoiling anothers Copies
by such Epitomies.
.bn 245.png
.pn +1
A young man being lately to set up, was a
suiter to my Master to speak to the Company to
lend him 50l. for a certain time without interest,
as is customary: for there are several sums of
money left the Company so to be disposed of, for
the benefit of young beginners. My Master
knowing his power in general, particularly promised
to effect his desires, provided that the young
man would agree to lay out his money when received
with him; telling him, he would use him
well therein: but whether he did or no, you may
guess, for he kept not open shop above six
moneths before he broke, and is now gone for a
Souldier, and the Company in general likely to
loose the money. This, replied I, is one of the
worst acts I have yet heard of, if it were intentionally
done, for it is an abuse of the Donors
will; but I see it is not material with some men,
if they get money, how they come by it: but
I pray, let me hear the rest of your story. That
you shall, said the Bookseller, but first let us
drink; which he having done, and I pledged,
he proceeded, as you may hear in this following
Chapter.
.bn 246.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXIV.
.pm start_summary
The Book-sellers Prentice having discovered his
Masters way of Cheating, now discovers his
own.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Thus, said the Bookseller, have I given you a
summary account of the most part of my
Masters dealing, and the main way how he gained
his Estate; for at this time he hath a shop very
well furnished with all sorts of bound Books, and
two or three Warehouses full of Books in quires;
he hath above 1000l. owing him by Country-Chapmen;
some Estate he hath in Land and
Houses, and a very good Stock in the Hall, and
all this is acquired in six years time out of nothing;
and in this account of my Masters dealing,
I have acquainted you with the greatest
mysteries of our Trade: but, said I to him, I must
confess you have told me those things I was not
only ignorant of, but what I could not have
believed could have been done, and so great an
Estate could have been gained by the bookselling
Trade, especially from so small a beginning as
an A B C: but all this while the mystery is not
disclosed; for though you have told me how your
Master gets money, yet I hear nothing of your
gains, neither indeed can I as yet conjecture how
you should be furnished with money; for I suppose
.bn 247.png
.pn +1
you keep an account of what you receive and
pay, and that your Master takes care to look into
his accounts, that no great matter can be gained
that way. 'Tis very true, replied the Bookseller,
he does so; and as he is of a false knavish temper
himself, so he is suspitious of me, and very vigilant
and watchful over me: but do you think,
that I who have observed all his ways and crafty
dealing, cannot find a way to be even with him,
and put money into my own pocket? and indeed
he does allow of my knavery and craftiness in
over-reaching of others; for he in general is
accounted the fittest servant of our Trade, that
can out-wit and over-reach his brother-Bookseller;
for it is not so much our keeping Shop, and
selling a few Books to Scholars, Parsons, Gentlemen,
nor sending to Country-Chapmen, for
in that we use a constant price, and there is
not much wit or craft to be used therein; but
the craftiest part of our profession consisteth in
making an Exchange-note with other Booksellers
to the best advantage; and there is our
greatest prize: for if any of our Chapmen send
to us for Books, such as we do not print, and
such as we are not at present furnished withal,
then away we go to that Bookseller who is best
furnished with them, and desire to make a Note
with him, which he (being desirous to sort himself
with some of our Books) willingly consents
to; then do we commonly pretend least use for
those Books we most want, otherwise we should
be sure to go without them, unless we took
many of other sorts, that were little better then
waft paper; and so we, by telling our brother
.bn 248.png
.pn +1
Bookseller that of such a Book they are almost
gone, and the like, we put off the greatest
number of our worst Books, and the fewest of
our best; and being indifferent of taking any
quantity of those we most need, we commonly
have most put upon us; and so are furnished with
what we desire: and in this way of exchanging
Books for Books, we have the most occasion of
exercising our wits, and many times receive commendations
from our Masters for so doing; and
when we meet with one another, the business
being over, triumph over those we have thus
outwitted.
This business of Exchanging brings us Prentices
acquainted with each other more then any
thing else, for that this matter is commonly left
to our management; and on this acquaintance
depends the greatest part of our profit: for though
we can sometimes when we take money in the
Shop put up half a Crown or a Crown for a Book
that our Master knows not of, yet that is but
seldome, and little Money is given us, unless it
be by the better sort of Customers, whose Books
we carry home, and then perhaps we may have
a shilling or two bestowed on us; but this is
nothing in respect of our other profit, which I shall
now tell you of.
We trading for a great deal to Chapmen into
the Country, do print very much, and sometimes
one Book is printed very often, and a
number of 25 or 50 cannot be so discovered:
sometimes we are in fee with the Printer, procure
him to print such a number over for us,
which he consents to, that he may do as many
.bn 249.png
.pn +1
for himself: and then for the manner of our selling
of them, it is by Combination, Confederacy,
and Correspondency, which some of us Apprentices
have with each other; for we have our
Warehouse as well as our Master, and are furnished
with much variety; every one of the Combination
bringing some quantity to this joynt-Stock,
of what his Master printeth; and then as
occasion serveth we furnish each other: but the
chiefest way of making money of these, is by
three or four young Booksellers, who being newly
set up do buy them of us, it may be two pence
in the shilling cheaper then they can buy them
of our Masters: we have ready money, or at furthest
when they have sold them; and to this end
we have commonly one of these Booksellers in
every considerable place of Trading about Town,
and sometimes we employ a rambling Bookseller
to go a Birding, and offer them at places, and
oftentimes our Masters buy some of their own
Books of this Ubiquitarian-Bookseller; and one
or two being intrusted with management of the
Stock, gives account to all the rest; and so we
divide the profit; at other times we being employed
by our Masters to get in Books for our
Country-Chapmen, we inform them that the Book
being out of print we cannot have it without
ready money, and then we being ordered to get
them, (for our Customers must be served) we have
them out of our own Stock, and put the ready
money into our pockets. Sometimes I have
gotten fourty or fifty shillings by being partners
with one of the young Booksellers in printing a
Pamphlet; and if it be an unlicensed thing, we
sell them privately to Customers in the Shop; if
.bn 250.png
.pn +1
a factious thing, we have our factious Customers;
if obscene or wanton, we accordingly are provided
with those that buy them: and thus with these
ways, and some others which are too long to relate
at this time, I can make a shift to spend
fourty or fifty pound a year, to keep my suit of
private cloaths, and to allow my Wench eight
shillings a week, to whom I constantly pay that
Portion; and I think my share of the Stock at
present may amount to fourty pound. And thus
you see, that though so many thousands go through
the Scriveners hands, and so few through mine,
yet I can make a shift to get some money out of
our paper, as well as he out of his parchment;
and I doubt not, but when I come out of my
time, to do as well as the best of our trade; for
having learnt so much in this Art, I question not
but I shall put it in practice to my advantage.
Thus did he put an end to his Discourse; and
drinking a Pot or two more of Beer, having had
some other merry discourse about the Scriveners
Wench, and such like other matters, we parted;
he, to go meet with some of his brother Booksellers,
to take account of their private Stock;
and I, to my Masters about my ordinary Imployments,
still ruminating in my mind of all the passages
that these two Blades the Scrivener and
Bookseller had related to me; and from thence
did conclude, that I should find all the rest of
our Clubbing-brethren stored with the same Discourses;
and now I meditated on nothing more
then how I might get money enough, for that
was the only thing that made crooked things
straight; and if a man have enough of that, he
may defie all men. It can make knees bow, and
.bn 251.png
.pn +1
tongues speak against the native genius of the
groaning heart; it supples more then oyl or fomentations,
and can stiffen beyond the Summers
Sun, or the Winters white-bearded cold. In this
we differ from the ancient Heathen; they made
Jupiter their chief God, and we have crowned
Pluto. He is Master of the Muses, and can buy
their Voyce; the Graces wait on him, Mercury is
his Messenger, Mars comes to him for pay, Venus
is his prostitute; he can make Vesta break her
vow, he can have Bacchus be merry with him,
and Ceres feast him when he lists; he is the sick
mans Æsculapius, and the Pallas of an empty
brain; nor can Cupid cause Love, but by his
Golden-headed Arrow. Money is a general man,
and without doubt excellently parted: Petronius
describes his Qualities.
.pm start_poem
Quisquis habet nummos, secura naviget aura:
Fortunamque suo temperet arbitrio.
Vxorem ducat Danaen, ipsumque licebit
Acrisium jubeat credere quod Danaen:
Carmina componat, declamat, concrepat, omnes
Et peragat Causas, fitque Catone prior.
Jurisconsultus, paret, non paret: habeto;
Atque esto, quicquid Servius aut Labeo
Multo loquar: quidvis nummis præsentibus opta,
Et veniet: clausum possidet Arca Jovem.
The Monyed-man can safely sayl all Seas,
And make his fortune as himself shall please:
He can wed Danae, and command that now
Acrisius self that fatal Match allow:
.bn 252.png
.pn +1
He can declaim, chide, censure, Verses write,
And do all things better then Cato might.
He knows the Law, and rules it, hath and is
Whole Servius, and what Labeo could possess.
In brief, let rich men wish whatsoere they love,
'Twill come, they in a lock’d Chest keep a Jove.
.pm end_poem
And to conclude, as it commands Gods and
Goddesses, so all sorts of men and women are
obedient to him that has the command of this
God Money; and therefore I was resolved to put
in for a share of it.
.bn 253.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXV.
.pm start_summary
The Relater with the Scrivener and Bookseller and
their Wenches being merry in a Tavern, fall out
with other Company, and are sent by an Alderman
to the Counter. The Relater in revenge cheats the
Alderman of his Scarlet Gown, which is converted
into Petticoats for the three Wenches.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I having thus gained an intimate acquaintance
with all these my Brother-Clubbers, did set
forth my own good parts; and they having been
open with me in the discovery of their manner
of living, and how they furnished themselves
with money even to superfluity, I was as free to
them in relating many actions of my forepassed
life; by which means they found me the more fit
for their society: and I having passed through
variety of conditions, as having been of several
Trades, and informing them of several mysterious
Cheats which I had performed in them, they all
took a very great liking to me; but there was
none whom I so much affected as the Scrivener
and Bookseller, because I found them the best
stored with money; and I often accompanied them
to their Wenches, where we had extraordinary
Treatments, and such Company as exceeded all
the rest; for I had my lass as well as they; and
though I paid nothing of the reckoning, yet my
Wench was often as well provided for as theirs;
.bn 254.png
.pn +1
for I furnished her with Cloaths equal to any of
them, and then the less money served the turn.
We three being one night at a Tavern with our
Wenches, where we passed a Winters evening in
their pleasing society, our spirits being raised
with wine, and the harmony of Musick joyned to
our Ladies voyces, in which they all three were
very excellent; It happened that their harmony
begot a desire in the people in the next Room to
be attentive to our Musick: the Scrivener desiring
his Lady to sing a particular new Song alone, she
consented thereunto, and performed it very well,
with good applause: one person in the next room,
who had given attention thereto, and had lately
been in company with the Singer, knowing her
Voyce, was resolved by one means or other to see
and drink with her; and thereupon leaving his
Company, he came into our Room, and civilly
asking leave, saluted the Ladies, and took acquaintance
with the Scriveners Mistress: she being
somewhat displeased thereat, in short time took
occasion to tell her friend the Scrivener that she
was much troubled at this accident, and desired
his favourable interpretation of this action, for
she assured him, she only knew this person as a
retainer to the house where she lodged, he coming
to another Lady there, and not to her; and
withal she desired him, if he thought fit, to affront
and chastise him for this his unmannerly intrusion.
Her friend the Scrivener being thus informed
by his Lady, called me and the Bookseller on one
side, and acquainted us with the matter; so that
we suddenly resolved to rid ourselves of this bold
intruder: when we returned to the fire where we
.bn 255.png
.pn +1
left our unwelcome guest and the women, we
found him toying with them, and a little more
bold then either they or we were willing to permit
and allow of; wherefore we gave him some
angry words, which he being a bluff fellow retorted,
and we striving to force him out of the
Room, he single as he was set upon us all, to the
great affrightment of the Women, who now beginning
to squeak out, our noise occasioned the
rest of our guests Companions who were in the
next Room to come into ours, and there seeing
their Friend set on by us three, which indeed
being odds, they fell on us to his assistance:
many blows were not enterchanged, before the
Master of the house and others (being called by
the noise we made, and the clamours of the
women) entred the Room; but all they could
do, could not part us, so eager we were in defending,
as we thought, the honour of our Ladies;
so that the Constable was sent for, and we all
seized on; but refusing to be obedient, he forthwith
caused us to be conducted to the Justices,
who was an Alderman that lived not far off; we
being brought before his Worship, being as yet
hot as well with Wine as anger, could not agree
in our story, nor the occasion of our quarrel; but
glad we were when we saw that our Ladies had
slipt away, as indeed it was but time (for had
they gone with us, I doubt Bridewel would have
been their lodging, and they should have had
rapping cheer.) They having thus made their
escapes who were the cause of our difference, and
we every one contradicting each other in our Discourses,
.bn 256.png
.pn +1
the Alderman made no more ado, but
sent us all to the Counter, both Plaintiffs and
Defendants: by such time as we were well settled
in our Quarters, and had paid our Garnishes, we
all considering the matter, and at length conversing
with our Adversaries, put our quarrelsome
business in a fair way to be ended; for the
occasion being a Whore, we all agreed upon one
tale to tell the Alderman next morning; when
being brought before him, and he finding then
no difference between us, supposing that it was
only a drunken quarrel, was at length perswaded
to release us; but before we went, he forced us
to pay our fees, and likewise some money to the
poor for being drunk; all which we made a
shift to do, by borrowing of one another, and so
we were discharged.
Thus was this business overpassed: but though
we made a shift to hide it from our Masters, pretending
some of our wonted excuses, yet the rest
of the Brethren of the Club were acquainted with
it, and we were soundly laught at, and our Wenches
applauded for their wit in making their timely
escape, or else it would have fared worse with us
as well as them, and our business must have come
to our Masters ears.
This disgrace stuck upon us a great while, for
our Companions would often ask us, when we
would go and visit Master Alderman again: wherefore
I bethought my self of a trick how to be revenged
of the Alderman, and thereby cause the
Discourse to cease: I often going by the Aldermans
house, saw him standing at his door, and
.bn 257.png
.pn +1
he had a common custome every afternoon to
stand or sit there three or four hours together. I
waiting my opportunity, went to the Alderman,
and asked if his Maid-servant was within: which
of them, said he, Nan or Suzan? Suzan, quoth I:
yes, said the Alderman, What is your business
with her? May it please your Worship, said I, I
was sent hither to take measure of her for some
new cloaths: What then thou art a Taylor, said
he; I replied, yes, and so he sent me in. I being
acquainted with the Maids name (and seeing the
Alderman engaged at the door, still talking with
another person) asked for Suzan: when she came
to me, I told her, that her Master sent me in to
her, and wished me to ask for his Skarlet Gown,
to mend it against a feasting-day then approaching:
she knowing her Master was at the door, and
beleeving my story, went for it (I in the mean
time watching whether the Alderman still continued
at the door, for if I had seen him comming
in, I would have made my excuses and depart)
but as good luck would have it, the Maid came
and gave me the Gown, and went about her
other business; I wrapping it up under my cloak,
went again to the door where Master Alderman
was sitting, who asked me, whether I had taken
measure of his Maid; I told him, yes: What already?
said he. Yes, and please your Worship:
then thou hast made haste, said he; make her
Clothes handsome, she’s a good Wench, and
make haste with them too, and let me see that you
work well, and thou mayst do some work for
me, and in time thou mayst have good of the
.bn 258.png
.pn +1
Wench. I (being troubled with Master Aldermans
large discourse) only replied, I shall, if it please
your Worship; and so left him, and went my ways
to the next Alehouse, where I applauded my self
for my so happy contrivance, and safe deliverance
from Master Aldermans impertinences.
After a little stay in this Alehouse, and night
coming on, I being thus fraughted with this rich
Cargo, sailed to the Tavern where we used to
meet, and the Gown being wrapt up in a cloth,
I delivered to the Drawer to lay up, and went
up into a Room, where calling for a faggot and
pint of Wine, I had not staid long ere some of
our Club came, and in short time all the rest; we
fell to merry-making, and in our jollity some of
our Company nosed us with Master Alderman:
well, said I, I suppose that jobb might cost us
twenty shillings a piece, and though Master Alderman
might put the most part of it into his pocket;
yet how say you, if I can propound a way how
to be revenged on him? My two Companions,
the Scrivener and the Bookseller, told me, if I
could do it, they would give me twenty shillings
a piece; a match, said I, I’le be judg’d by the
Company: and thereupon I told them the story,
and how I had cheated Master Alderman of his
Skarlet-Gown; and to make good my word,
caused it to be brought up, and shew’d before
them: very well pleased was the Scrivener and
Bookseller, and all the rest amazed at the boldness
of my adventure, which was by all applauded
for a great piece of wit, and my money was
by them accordingly paid me; then after a cup
.bn 259.png
.pn +1
or two of Wine, consideration was had, what
should be done with the Gown, and how it should
be disposed of, for we all knew it was hazardous
and dangerous to dispose of it as it was: so after
many propositions and consultations, it was at
length generally agreed on, that I should cut it
in pieces, and out of Master Aldermans Gown I
should make three Petticoats, which should be
bestowed on our three Madonas; and this adjudged
very fit and equitable, that they having
endured part of the brunt, should receive the
whole prize: this I assented to; and the Scrivener
and Bookseller, in regard the Gown was
mine, gave me each of them twenty shillings a
piece more, for their share of the cloath; and
also they between them furnisht me with a rich
gold and silver Lace, to be put upon my Ladies
Petticoat, equal and alike to that which was put
on theirs: and this was an end of the adventure
with Master Alderman, of whom we never enquired
how he and his maid Suzan agreed about
the Gown.
.bn 260.png
.pn +1
.pb
.if h
.il fn=i_b_144.jpg w=500px ew=90%
.if-
.if t
.hr 90%
.if-
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXVI.
.pm start_summary
The Relater and several others of the Clubbing-Prentices
assist the Drugster in putting off of some
of his Commodities; he gives them gratuities,
and relates a notable Cheat by his Master put
upon an Iron-monger.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
In this manner did we spend our time; and
though our Masters gained more money, and
dayly increased their Estates, yet we enjoyed the
greater pleasure in each others society: and now
we being all acquainted with one anothers ways,
assisted each other in all things, and there was no
want for ourselves or Wenches, who were often
at our meetings, and assisted in our mirth.
I remember one evening, a young man, a
Drugster, who was one of our Club, told us that
we must all of us assist him in a matter he was
about, and he should not only gain a good opinion
of his Master, but we should have a Piece or
two to spend; we hearing there was convenience
and profit, agreed together, soon consented
to do our utmost, and therefore desired him
to acquaint us with the matter: he thereupon
told us, that his Master had lately bought a parcel
of Drugs of two or three sorts, which did
cost him about 1000l. in hopes of great gain, for
they were at double the price that he would afford
.bn 261.png
.pn +1
his at; but they being too much for one
mans sale, he offered to sell good part of them
to some of the Trade; but they refused to buy,
unless they might have them cheaper then he
was willing to afford them, pretending that they
had no need of that Commodity, being sufficiently
furnished with the same; although we
were very certain that they could have none of
it, there being none to be had in all London, till
of late my Master bought this parcel that came
from beyond Sea: Now my Master being desirous
to sell his Commodity, hath considered of
a way how to make his brother-Drugsters come
to him, and pray him to sell it to them at his
price; that way is thus:
He hath desired me to get some of my acquaintance
to go to most of the Drugsters in and
about London, and pretending to be Apothecaries
and others that need those Commodities, to
enquire for them, and bespeak quantities thereof;
and then he knows, that not being able
of themselves to furnish them, they will repair
to him, and give him his price. Oh! said the
Bookseller, have you learned that trick? I am
very well acquainted with this manner of trade;
for we commonly use this slight to sell our
Books: for when we have printed a Book that
we doubt will not sell without preferring, and
more ado than ordinary, then we not onely Title
it upon Posts, put it into News-books, and
use several other ways to make it famous; but
we sometimes send several of our acquaintance
and friends to most Booksellers shops to inquire
.bn 262.png
.pn +1
for this new Book; and they coming so one after
another, at length Master Bookseller is perswaded
to buy some of them; nay, sometimes, the
more to encourage the Booksellers to buy some
quantities, we allow our friends to lay out some
moneys with them, and buy several of them;
and so the Bookseller will commonly, if he sell
one or two, buy six or a dozen; and by this
means our moneys come in again with profit.
Well, reply’d the Drugster, this course must we
take with these Drugs, or else they may prove a
very Drug to my Master; for he hath served
some of our Trade so many tricks already,
that they are very cautious how they deal with
him; but this trick of sending friends to ask for
a Commodity he hath often used, neither did
he learn it of the Bookseller: but there happened
an extraordinary chance sometime since,
and from that experience he hath taken this
course.
For there was a person who is used to make
Syringes, which Chirurgions and others use to
squirt withal in several Distempers; and this
man being out of imployment, made a great
quantity of them, and laid them by him; but
not knowing how to dispose of them, he bethought
him of this way of sending some friends
to inquire for them: and so well did he manage
his business, that by employing persons to enquire
of Drugsters and Apothecaries for them,
he not onely sold all he had made by him,
but in less than a quarter of a year, he took above
200l. for this Commodity: and this my
.bn 263.png
.pn +1
Master took notice of, and I suppose made a president
of, and now resolves upon the same course
to put off his Drugs; wherefore I desire your
utmost assistance herein, and I shall when you
please spend a Piece or two in a Collation. All
our Club-fraternity agreed on this, and promised
to be active here: and thus resolving on
our next time of meeting, we parted.
I for my part, the next day accoutring my
self in a Country Gentile-garb, went to several
Drugsters, and asked for several Drugs, whose
names I had gotten; but amongst all, I more earnestly
desired a good quantity of those that
were to be thus put off, telling them I was a
Country-Apothecary, and should call three or
four days after again, and lay out a considerable
sum of money with them. I having done
this for my part, and the rest of our associates
having been as diligent, we meeting three days
after together, our Drugster told us, that his
Master had sold all his Commodities to very
great profit; and therefore, said he, This Collation,
and each of you a Crown more to buy
Gloves, is my Masters charge, and he desires you
to accept thereof; which we accordingly did,
being glad we had done so good service to him
and his Master.
I understanding by this, that there were tricks
and cheats in this Trade as well as others, was
desirous to be acquainted with the manner of
their Trading; and he being but a Novice, told
me, he could not tell me much of it, but he was
very sensible that there was much knavery in
.bn 264.png
.pn +1
that Mystery, in mixing and sophisticating their
Drugs, and getting the spirits of some of them
away, and renewing it in others, as served to
their profit: and, pursued he, I have one trick
whereby my Master gets some money in a
year; for it being customary to give a Pipe of
Tobacco to any one that comes into the Shop,
and desires it, I give them of that which is very
good; and they liking thereof, and the price,
commonly buy of the same, and sometimes a
quantity, desiring it may be still of the same they
have tasted; the which I promise to do, and before
their eyes take it out of the same box; but
the knack of it is this, it is for all that a different
and worser sort of Tobacco; for the Tobacco
that I gave them as a taste, is onely placed in
one corner of the box for that purpose, and so
it goes off, as if it were all of the same; and sometimes
we put off a whole Roll of Tobacco in the
same manner: for the outside-roll is of good
Spanish right, but all the inner-part is Mundungoes,
worth a groat a Cart-load.
But this is nothing to what ways my Master
hath; and he lately exercised his wits to a pretty
profitable account, and thus it was: My Master
among other sorts of Drugs, had bought a
quantity of Dragons-bloud, being pieces of
wood, dipped, as is supposed, or rather pretended,
in Dragons-bloud; and this is good in Physick,
and for other uses: this Commodity not
proving very good, my Master had a great desire
to put it off, but could not get any body to
buy of it: he had been not only with Drugsters,
.bn 265.png
.pn +1
but also with some Iron-mongers to sell it, for
they use it about their Locks, and other Iron-work,
to keep them from rust; but no person
was willing to deal with him about it. My Master
had a Neighbour that was an Iron-monger,
whom he had a great desire to deal withal; but
he being a wary young man, and hearing that
my Master was a snap, refused all dealing with
him: and some words passed that displeased my
Master, and therefore he resolved to be avenged;
and thereupon having designed his business, with
the help of two Confederates, he thus puts it in
execution.
He gave a small quantity of this Dragons-bloud
to one of his Confederates, who having
full instructions, went to the Iron-mongers
house, and seeing him standing at the door, asked
him if he wanted not some of that Commodity,
shewing the same to him: No, said the
Iron-monger. I was informed, said the man,
that you sometimes deal in it, and was recommended
by a friend to come to you; and if you
please to deal with me, I shall use you very kindly.
To this the Iron-monger replyed, that he
needed not any of it. But, said the other, I suppose
you sell of it to others sometimes, and may
therefore do me a courtesie, and your self too,
for I have not a shop to sell it in, and am a stranger;
wherefore, if you please, I shall leave this
parcel with you, and you putting it on your stall
may happen on a Customer, which if you do, I
can furnish you with more; and thus you, without
laying out any money, may get some profit.
The Iron-monger hearing of this, and conceiving
.bn 266.png
.pn +1
the man to be honest and harmless, consented
to his desire, entertained the condition and
the goods, and enquired further of the price; the
man telling him that he understood it was worth
three shillings per pound, but he would willingly
take two shillings eight pence, because he might
have profit; and telling him that he would call
on him in a weeks time: and they at this time
parted.
And thus the Iron-monger having received
the Commodity, put some of it out every
day on his Stall, till at length a man coming by,
and seeing that to lye there, and the Master of
the shop at the door, asked him the price thereof;
the Iron-monger told him three shillings
per pound. The Customer desired to look further
into it, desiring to know how much he had
of it; Truely, said the Iron-monger, I cannot
tell, but I suppose, if we agree, I can furnish
you with a good quantity. Why, said the Customer,
I will give you two shillings eight pence
per pound for it, if you have 500 lib. of it. Well,
said the Iron-monger, call here a day or two
hence, and I will resolve you, and it is like we
may deal together: Thus at present they parted.
But he came again the next day, and the
day following, pretending great earnestness to
buy the Commodity: in the mean time the
Iron-monger waited and watched narrowly to
see and speak with the man that left it there,
but could not meet with him, for he stayed away
on purpose; and this Customer that came to buy
was likewise the other of my Masters Confederates,
and sent by him for that purpose. At
.bn 267.png
.pn +1
length the Iron-monger standing at his door,
saw the man who left the Dragons bloud passing
by his door, and called to him, and then discoursed
seriously with him about the matter, as,
what would be his lowest price, and what quantity
he had? To both these Questions he answered,
He would take two shillings six pence;
and the quantity he had was 500 lib. The Iron-monger
hearing this, and resolving now to deal,
told him, that he thought it was too dear; but
if he would take two shillings four pence, he
thought he might buy all his quantity. To this
the Seller replyed, That it was too cheap; but
taking all, and paying him ready mony, he would
do it. The Iron-monger replyed, That ready
money was two months: but, said he, If I deal,
you shall have half down at the delivery, and
the other half at three months: to this they
both agreed. But the Iron-monger being cautious,
would not at present fully conclude, referring
the ending the Bargain to two days, in the
mean time resolving to see if his Customer came
that was to buy; and then enquiring the name
and habitation of the Seller, they parted.
Long had not the Iron-monger waited, but
his buying Customer came by, and as earnestly
as formerly desired to buy the Commodity; the
which now the Iron-monger agreed to sell at
two shillings eight pence per pound, and to be
paid at weighing; and that he might be sure of
his Customer, he takes ten shillings in part of
payment, and appoints two days thence to finish
the bargain. Thus did the Iron-monger reckon
to gain 500 Groats, which is 8l. 3s. 4d. Besides,
.bn 268.png
.pn +1
he was resolved to have all ready money,
and to pay but half; but he reckoned without
his Host, as I shall presently tell you: for the
Seller of the Dragons-bloud coming the next
day, finished his bargain, delivered his Commodity,
received his money, and took a Bill from
the Iron-monger for the moiety of his money
to be paid in three months. But now the Iron-monger
had the Commodity, he might go look
for a Customer; for he that left the ten shillings
came no more, and the Commodity lay still on
his hands; at which he was fretted, but could
not help himself.
My Master having thus managed this affair by
these two Confederates, received the mony, and
had the Bill assigned to him, giving both his Confederates
something for their pains.
He having thus done the Iron-monger’s business,
was not contented with the profit alone,
but was resolved to vex him; and therefore
when he passed by his shop, he asked him if he
would buy any Dragons-bloud. No, said the
other, I can sell you some. I’ll buy, said my Master;
but when he saw it, and heard the price,
he told him, No, he could sell him as good as
that for 12 d. per pound. At this the Iron-monger
was more vexed; but not knowing how
to help himself, was forced to rest contented;
at length the three months came, and then my
Master was resolved to shew all his anger, and
vex the Iron-monger more, and therefore went
himself to demand the money that was due: the
Iron-monger answered him, that he owed him
none: Whereupon he produced his bill, and a
.bn 269.png
.pn +1
Letter of Attorney; and then he too late perceived
how he had been served. For my Master
told him, that now he would be even with
him, for refusing to deal with him, and abusing
him. The other said, it was a cheat, and he
would make him bring out the party that bought
it, giving him ten shillings in part of payment.
That shall I do quickly, said my Master, but
it will be small to your gain: and then told him
the name of the man, and that he was not worth
a farthing, and a Prisoner in the Kings-bench.
At this the Iron-monger being much more vexed
then before, told my Master that he would
not pay him, and bid him take his course; the
which he did the next morning, and arresting
him, soon brought the case to a tryal, and having
an absolute bill for payment of the money,
cast the Iron-monger; who advising with his
Lawyers, went to Westminster for a Writ of Error,
which he gained: but when he came back
with it, thinking to stop Execution, he found
that he came too late; for my Master doubting
some such business, never left till he served the
Execution, so that when the poor Iron-monger
came back with his Writ of Error, he found
the Bayliffs and my Master in his shop, in possession
of his goods; and he being out of Moneys
at present, was forced to let my Master have all
his Dragons-bloud again at twelve pence per
pound, and so in that and other Commodities
paying his Debt and Charges, and giving each
other general Releases (which my Master earnestly
insisted on, and without which my Master
would do nothing, the Iron-monger being in
.bn 270.png
.pn +1
a strait) they made an end of this bargain: and
now the Iron-monger, when he came to a second
reckoning of his bargain, found, that instead of
getting 8l. 3s. 4d. he had lost 33l. 3s. 4d. besides
all his Cost; and my Master thus having
gained by his Commodity, sold it since to another
for one shilling six pence per pound. And this,
said the Drugster, is but one of my Masters ways
to get money.
This young fellow had taken a great deal of
pains to discover every particular of his Masters
late bargain: from what he had related, I concluded
the Master to be a very cunning practitioner
in the Mysterious Art of Knavery, and
therefore I was desirous to be acquainted with
him; and knowing that he was but a young
man himself, and also desirous of acquaintance,
I found no great difficulty to attain to my desires,
which I soon after accomplished, as I shall relate
to you in the next Chapter.
.bn 271.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XX.
.pm start_summary
The Relater and the Drugsters Master come acquainted,
being concerned in Tryals at Law:
their several Cases they relate to each other.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My Master having much dealing, had many
Debts owing him, and he was forced to
sue some persons to get in his monies; and I
having delivered a parcel of Clothes, was sub-p[oe]na’d
to attend to testifie the same in Court, upon
a Tryal which my Master was to have with
his Debtor. I attended the Court when Tryal
of the Cause should be call’d, several hours; and
there did I meet with the young Drugster, who
was likewise waiting upon some such like occasion:
we both having leisure, and his servant
having told him that I principally assisted in
putting off his Drugs, he to gratifie me, offered
me a Pint of Wine. I accepted his kindness, and
to the Tavern we went, where he again thanked
me for the courtesie I had done him; and
then he enquired my business at the Court. I
told him, it was upon a Tryal of my Masters,
who sued one for money for a suit of Clothes.
That is strange, said he, that any should refuse
to pay for work when done. True, said I, but
he pretends that there is somewhat more then
ordinary in the Case, as indeed there is, if well
.bn 272.png
.pn +1
understood; and knowing you to be ingenious,
I shall relate it to you. A person had occasion to
have a suit of Clothes made, and would not entrust
my Master to buy the Cloth; but having
enquired how much would do the business, my
Master told him five yards and a half, to make
a suit and large coat. The other supposing that
five yards would do the business, and the half
yard be saved, bought but five; and bringing
it home, desired my Master to cut it out before
him; and if there wanted any more cloth, it
should be supplyed. My Master seeing himself distrusted,
was resolved to be even with his Customer;
and to cutting of it out he went: first, he
cut out the Doublet, and then the Breeches; but
instead of one pair of Breeches, he cut out two
pair, perswading the Customer that it was but
one; and when he came to cut out the coat,
there was a great deal of cloth wanting; so that
the Gentleman was forced to buy a yard more
of cloth, the which he saw cut out likewise; and
though he was cheated before his face, could not
discover it; my Master serving him well enough:
for whereas he intended but to get half a
yard of cloth by him, he now saved a whole
one.
The suit was made up, and the Gentleman
wore it: but as yet not being fully satisfied,
coming into company with another Taylor, he
asked how much cloth might be in that suit and
coat. The Taylor replyed, Five yards: the Gentleman
said he bought six, and saw it all cut out
and put into the clothes. The Taylor wondring
hereat, told him, that he would make him a suit
.bn 273.png
.pn +1
and coat full as large as that with five yards.
The Gentleman agreed; and more cloth was
bought, delivered to the Taylor, and the suit
made accordingly. The Gentleman not as yet
having paid my Master his bill, refused to do it,
pretending he is cheated, but not knowing how;
and this day we are to have a Tryal, and I question
not, but I who am my Masters chief witness,
shall be able to out wit the other Master-Taylor,
who is here in Court ready to testifie against us.
How do you mean to order your matters? said
the Drugster. Truely, said I, in one word, I will
make oath, that all the Gentlemans six yards of
cloth was cut out and made up, in Doublet,
Breeches and Coat, as indeed it was; but I do
not say, how many pair of Breeches; and I suppose,
they not suspecting me, will not be curious
in asking the question.
The Drugster was so well pleased in my relation
of the story, that he told me his Case, which
said he, is this. I have had some little misfortunes
in the world, and people have lately called
on me for money, more than I could well
pay at present; and one person particularly has
been so outragiously foolish, as to say that I was
a Bankrupt, and that I would never pay him:
now I have brought my Action against him for
slander and defamation, and hope to get so
great damages against him, as he shall be willing
to forgive me my debt: and this will be a good
leading Card to muzzle the mouths of the rest of
my Creditors, who indeed are so civil as to come
into Court, and testifie in my behalf.
.bn 274.png
.pn +1
This Case being well managed (said I) may
be very considerable with you, and turn to your
profit and credit both. Our Wine and Discourse
being ended, we both went into the Court,
where I heard his Tryal so well managed, as he
recovered 200l. damage: and my Master, with
my evidence, recovered his Debt; and then
threatened to sue the Gentleman for defamation:
he hearing thereof, and seeing how great
damages were given to one there present, upon
the same account, presently made his Composition
with my Master, and gave him ten pound
to put up the business. My Master gave me 20s.
to spend, which I did in Wine and good Company;
and the Drugster having had this success,
was now more contented than ever, and his credit
grew high in the City, so that he was intrusted
with some thousands; but he and I being
after that very intimate, I perswaded him at a
convenient time to give me an account of his
life and actions; I having formerly told him of
many of mine. We being planted at a Tavern,
and no person to interrupt us, he began as followeth.
.bn 275.png
.pn +1
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXVIII.
.pm start_summary
The Drugster in relating his Life, discovers several
Cheats which he performed under the Cloak
of Religion; as also how he cheated his Masters
Sister of her Maiden-head and Estate; and several
Cheats in Smuckling.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Though the whole course of my Life, from
my Infancy to this time, hath been a continued
piece of Knavery, I having been of many
Trades, and most Factions in Religion, in which
I have always been a very great stickler: yet I
shall not give you any account of my minority,
omitting all my actions till I came to about
twenty years of age, when I had gained some
experience in the world, and had learned how
to play my Cards to the best advantage.
I served an Apprentiship with a Master, whose
whole Family, consisting of himself, Wife, Sister,
and four Servants, was an absolute Compendium
of most Religious Factions then practised
in England: He himself was a strict rigid Presbyterian;
his Wife, a Ranter; his Sister, an Anabaptist;
three of the Servants Independants,
but of several Churches and Perswasions; and I,
though an Independant, being of all Religions,
yet was of none at all, that gave them all the
hearing; and with my Master was a Presbyterian,
and would ordinarily accompany him in his
.bn 276.png
.pn +1
long-winded prayers, which being filled with
tautologies and nonsence, he esteemed, and often
used, believing himself to be assisted with a
Divine Spirit. Many absurdities he committed
in his Devotion, as praying for the Reformation
of his Family, and pointing out a time when
he should or would have a return of his Prayers,
at which time he would charge Providence with
the fault; he having strictly observed all the
Commandments, in Fasting, Praying, relieving
the Brethren, and performing all other Duties
which Sir John his Ghostly father had imposed
on him. He would often recount the particular
enormities of his Wife and Family, and how
she lay out from him three nights together in a
week, and where she was; and would earnestly
pray for, either her conversion or confusion.
Many other impertinencies would he commit,
which would be too tedious to me to recount:
but in general, I found his zeal to be a weakness
in his brain, and he was continually led about
as Sir John Presbyter directed.
My Mistress was likewise led about by those
of her Gang, which were absolute Libertines, affording
themselves all manner of pleasure, and
denying themselves the injoyment of nothing
they could purchase; and she would pretend
Religion in all her frollicks: for she would say,
That no sin was imputed to the Saints; and indeed
it was no sin, unless she her self thought it so.
That she, or any other Sister, might lie with another
Brother, was accounted a general maxime
amongst them, especially if they chose their time
.bn 277.png
.pn +1
when their Husbands are asleep, which they termed
to be dead, and therefore might then do it
without breach of any Commandment. She
would be very costly both in her Apparel and diets
alleadging, that it was not fit, that the Body
which was a sacred Temple, should be coursly
either clothed or fed. I had a great mind to
have been of her Religion, because there was so
much freedom and enjoyments therein; but my
Master kept me in a little too strictly; and my
Mistress keeping company with the High-boys,
slighted the tender of my service. Thus having
failed in this attempt, I made my way to my Mistresses
Sister, who was an Anabaptist; she I often
waited on by my Mistresses commands, and at
length was admitted to be one of the Brethren
in the Conventicle, whereof she was a Sister; I
professed a great deal of zeal for that way, and
my Master often instructed me in Scripture, I
soon from a proficient became a Preacher, and
was of great eminency amongst them.
.tb
Thus did I spend my time till my Apprenticeship
was out, and I was a freeman; and then
did I begin to look about me, to see what I
might get for my self: for I had never undertaken
this course of Teaching, but in hopes to gain my
Mistresses Sister; and she still put me off till I
was out of my time, pleading tenderness of Conscience
would not permit her to give me any
enjoyment of her before Marriage, and that
could not lawfully be done, till my time was
out; which being come, I freshly courted her,
.bn 278.png
.pn +1
and she gave me the hearing, but still put me off
desiring me first to settle my self in the World. I
now believing that she intended to delude me
was resolved to play the same hand at Cards
with her; and perswading her that I still gained
somewhat of an Estate by my dealings in the
World, I spent some moneys on her, and taking
my opportunity gained my ends upon her; for
pretending that I had lately made a bargain,
whereby I should get 100l. if I had fifty pound
ready money more then my own, which was
likewise fifty pound; She having moneys by
her, willingly consented to lend me fifty pound,
provided that she might see the disbursing thereof.
I then thinking to kill two Birds with one
stone, readily consented; and heartily thanking
her, desired her to provide her self to go
with me next Tide to Gravesend, where I was to
lay out the moneys: she did accordingly, and
carrying fifty pound with her, I having raised
such another sum, we took boat and made for
Gravesend, where when we arrived, I left her to
rest herself at an Inn, and went on board a
Ship that was newly come from the Indies, and
bought as much Indigo as came to 150l. I had
it a very good penny worth, but not so good as
to perswade her that I should gain 100l. by it,
which I had promised: wherefore that I might
make out the matter to be plain to her, I engaged
the Seaman I had dealt withal to secrecy,
and made this bargain, that I would pay him
100l. down, and pay the rest in two moneths,
telling him that I was a great dealer. He believing
.bn 279.png
.pn +1
me without much difficulty, not only consented
to this, but also to say, that he had but 100
l. for all the Commodity; we having thus agreed,
went to my Sweet-hearts Chamber, and there concluded
our bargain before her; who having some
skil in the price of that Commodity, did believe
the bargain to be as profitable as I alledged to
her, and freely laid down her money, which
together with my fifty pound was paid to the
Seaman, and the goods delivered into a Lighter
to be carried to London, and delivered according
to order.
This affair being dispatch’d, I was resolved
to drive the nayl home a little further, and as
I had got the money, so to get the maid; wherefore
I pretending expedition, told her, it would
be most convenient for us to ride home: she
wholly confiding in me, consented thereto, and
a horse was procured to carry us double; mounted
we were, and so advanced on our journy;
but pretending some business, I made an halt
at the next Town home wards, where I did my
Horse the unkindness to prick him in the foot,
that he might halt, and not be able to carry us
through that night; this being done, we again
mounted, and I fell to thanking my Mistress for
this great favour, not only in assisting me with
her purse, but accommodating me with her
Company; and now, said I, I hope you will no
longer delay me the enjoyment of yourself, and
the rest of your Estate. Truly, said she, this days
action hath resolved me of all doubts, and now
I have so good opinion of you, that I shall no
.bn 280.png
.pn +1
longer delay our marriage, then shall stand with
your conveniency. To this I returned answer full
of love and kindness. Our horse by this time felt
the effects of my work, for he halted so much,
that we could only go a foot pace, and with much
difficulty came to the next Town, where we were
forced to alight; and it now growing late, and
impossible to get to London that night, we resolved
to take up our quarters for the present.
.tb
I having placed my Mistress in a Private
Chamber, went into the Stable, and soon removed
the obstruction that hindred our horse
from going, so that by the next morning he was
well enough able to travel, I left him to the care
of the Hostler, and went up to my Mistress, who
expected me to supper, which I had ordered
to be provided for us, and that being ready, I
invited our Landlady to be a guest: though our
Commons were but short, being only one Chicken,
yet I made a long Grace, which according
to our custome, might amount to a prayer; and I
remember that among other matters, I prayed that
our horse might be so well recovered, as that he
might be able to carry us next day to London:
our Landlady soon understanding what kind of
Guests she had, believing that she should get
little by our Company, was desirous of leaving
it, which she did, by pretending business, and
so we had the whole Chicken left us for our
own eating, we hardly made or left any bones
of it, so hungry we were. Supper being ended,
we went to the fire, and I designing my business,
.bn 281.png
.pn +1
call’d for a Quart of Claret, which we
burn’d, sweetned, and drank off; and by this
time my Mistress was so sweet upon me, that we
talked very familiarly and pleasantly, and oftentimes
I interlaced our Discourses with kisses
and amorous sighs, to which I was welcomed,
and many times invited; I then called for another
Quart of Wine, which we likewise drank
off; and then I found my Mistress was very full
of the Creature, so that she drew neer to the
bed, and at length cast her self thereon; I was
not long after her, but lay down likewise, and
first beginning with embraces and kisses, in a little
time I gained possession of all my endeavors
she lying as fast asleep all the while; but when
I had done, and was again laid by her, she started
up, and seemed to be very angry with me;
but I supposing that it was because I had so soon
done, catched hold of her, and attempted to be
at her again; but in vain did I endeavour it, for
she then began to be angry, reproaching me
with dishonesty, and using many canting terms,
which I omit: I told her, what was done could
not be undone, and therefore comforted her,
and told her all should be well by our sudden
Marriage: thus did I appease her, and we soon
agreed upon every thing; so that though I was
appointed another Chamber, which I pretended
to lodge in, yet I lay all night with her. The
next morning we arose betime; and mounting
our horse, who was now well enough, we soon
arrived at London, where for the present we
parted. I having thus gained my ends of this
.bn 282.png
.pn +1
woman, having part of her Estate in my possession,
and by the enjoyment of her person having
the command of the rest, was resolved only to
abuse her; strip her of what she had, and so
leave her: for I found no such sweetness in my
nights lodging with her, but what I might expect
from another; having before that tasted woman
in the enjoyment of two or three of our Sisters,
which passages I omit, and tell this to acquaint
you how this woman undid herself by her Covetousness,
for had she not distrusted me with her
money, I should have married her, but now my
minde was otherwise bent.
I received my Goods, and now my stock
being much encreased by this fifty pound, and
the profit of my bargain; I paid the Seaman,
and proceeded in Trading: and though I had
little skill in forreign Commodities yet I ventured
at all, neither did I want Money, for instead
of paying back the fifty pound to my Mistress,
I soon after had 100l. more, and yet she
could not perswade me to marriage, I still pretending
multiplicity of business: at length, all
her portion, being 400l. got into my hands, I
only paid her with a nights lodging, which now
and then we had together; but as to marriage,
I still pretended one reason or other to defer
it.
I not only proceeded in my Merchandizing,
but continued in my preaching at our usual
Conventicles, where I was become very famous,
and a great disputant; but at length I finding
there was little to be gotten by them (and my
.bn 283.png
.pn +1
principle being always to gain what I could) I
became now almost weary of them, and willing
to leave that Congregation for another that
courted me, but I was resolved ere I left them
to make some use of them, and get somewhat
of them. I thus laid my Plot: I gave a bond
to a Confederate for 100l, pretending that I owed
so much to him; I gave out, that I would on
such a day not only preach to my Congregation,
but also Dispute with any opposer on several
Articles. The time being come, I had a full
Auditory, and performed my Preachment and
Disputation to the general satisfaction of all?
and then appointed that the next day I would
hold forth some other points, that had not as
yet been disputed of, inviting all the Congregation,
and all others that would come, to meet
me in a larger room then that was wherein we
exercised at present. Thus having finished my
Discourse I dismissed my Auditors; but I was
no sooner out of the house, but I was seized
on by a bailiff, in Execution for 200l. for my
Confederate who had the bond, had brought
it to Judgment: I was then accompanied by two
or three of my Congregation, who much wondring
at the business, desired the Bailiff to have
patience, and go into the next House, which we
did; and the Case being opened, I confessed the
Debt, withal alleadging that I was not at present
able to pay it, having lately ventured most of
my Estate to Sea. Those of my Congregation
hearing this (and being much grieved that their
Pastor should be thus snatch’d from them, especially
.bn 284.png
.pn +1
when he had deserved so well) sent for
some more of their brethren, who were monied
men; and so among them they paid the debt, and
I was discharged: but soon after this, I left them,
and they were forced to make a Collection or gathering
among themselves to reimburse themselves
their moneys; and my Mistress, who had been all
this while delayed by me with fair words, made
her complaints to the brethren, but to no purpose,
for she received no redress or satisfaction, I having
now quite left them and their faction for another,
where by reason of my ability in preaching, I
was entertained, and an accord made between me
and my quondam Mistress, I only giving her back
fifty pound of her four hundred; we being now
absolutely parted from one another, she receiving
no other satisfaction of me, either for her many
nights lodging or money, then fifty pound, which
she willingly received, believing me to be a beggar;
my new Congregation voluntarily raising
that money for me for that purpose.
Thus was I quit of her, and had gained five
hundred pound in my pocket, only under the
cloak of Religion; and having such success, I in
short time discovered my self to be rich, by buying
many bargains of good value, paying ready
mony, and raised my self to so high a reputation,
that I won a widdow of an indifferent fortune to
be my wife, and so settled my self in the World.
As for my preaching-trade, I finding that it
had already done me as much service as I expected
.bn 285.png
.pn +1
from it, I left it, for I had now a wife and money,
and for that end, and to get them, I took it
up, and being provided with both, I left it, but especially
finding that it grew every day into disesteem,
it being about the time of his Majesties
happy Return; when instead of a preaching Fanatick;
I quickly faced about, and leaving my congregational
friends, I enquired out, and procured
Cavalier acquaintance, so that I (who a little before
the Kings coming home, was used to wear
short Hair, and was modest and precise in my
habit) had now a large Perriwig, a great Plume
of Feathers, and all other accoutrements accordingly,
being still diligent on all occasions to associate
my self with the Captain and chief Officers
of the Trained Bands of our Company, into whose
acquaintance and Society I soon insinuated my
self, by my Gallantry in my habit, and expences
in Taverns being conformable.
Thus did I become a Gentleman, and from a
Precisian a Prodigal, nay, an Antick, and every
thing, what not? that I might please all: for
instead of a Prayer-book, or some other Fanatical
piece of divinity, I now carried in my
pocket, either Cards or Dice, and so great a
love I had to Hocus Pocus, that all their Tools,
viz., Box of Counters, Balls, Cups, and other
Trinkets which are made use of in that mysterious
function, were all my Companions: having
learned confidence when I was a Preacher, I
was now the better emboldned to stare my Spectators
in the face, while I cunningly enough
.bn 286.png
.pn +1
performed my feats of activity; and such a readiness
I had, that I was accounted an able proficient.
I spent so much time in these fooleries,
that I almost lost my self; and now having a
wife and family to maintain, I found my Estate
so far to decrease, that I was forced to look after
my business, and fall to Merchandizing: but
having lost a considerable part of my Estate
which I had adventured at Sea, I was resolved,
as I said, to trust no more to that Element, and
not to let my Estate go out of my sight; wherefore
I still as shipping came in, went on board,
either in the Downs, Portsmouth, or Plymouth,
and there buying good bargains, which the Seamen,
newly come home would afford for ready
Money, I began to prick up again, and have
Money at command; I then bought me a small
Pinnace or small Pleasure boat; and with that
went on board of Ships, bought Goods, and
made a shift to stow as much on board privately,
that I saved much by the customes and
other duties. This Trade I drove a long time,
gaining much by stealing Duties; neither did
I care what Goods I dealt in, having Customers
of all sorts and Trades, who knowing that I
drave this Trade, employed me to buy for
them, agreeing the prizes before hand: but I
was snap’d one time, and all my goods seized
for not paying duties, and an Information put
into the Exchequer against me: I finding that
it would be but a folly to contend there, agreed
with the Informer, and he suffered me to cast
him; so that I got off for a sum of money, but
.bn 287.png
.pn +1
I gained much experience thereby, so that I
then began a new Trade, and would engage many
of my Friends to go and buy Goods on board
of Ships, and if they got them clear from the
Ships-sides it was enough, for I would come immediately
in another Boat, as if a stranger, and
seize the Goods as forfeited for want of the payment
of duties, and so secure them from any other
seizure; and if any other person came to seize them,
I then pretended it to be my business, having
made the first seizure, but if we were not met with
by another, then we passed clear without any
more trouble: nay, so bold and confident was I
grown in this kind of Trade, called Smuckling,
that I have had fifty and an hundred pound at a
time given me to go over into Holland or France
in a Ship which hath brought much prohibited
goods, which I have seized so soon as we came near
any Port of England, to prevent any other seizure;
and then putting an information into the Exchequer,
have suffered costs against me, and all hath
been clear. I gained not only much money by
this means, but also the esteem of a cunning subtile
fellow, and was employed in many such affairs,
and sometimes in Law-suits.
I remember once I came into Company with
a very fair Lady, who having an old cross-grain’d
fellow to her Husband, had not only
lived from him for some time, but was so foolish
as to be married to another person, who
was a Gentleman of much worth and merit.
The Ladies old Husband (understanding thus
.bn 288.png
.pn +1
much and more out of Covetousness of gaining
money, which he believed the Gentleman
would on this occasion part from, then any
love he bore his Wife) hunted them out from
one place to another, and the young Gentleman
refusing to comply with the old Knights
desires, he was resolved now to prosecute her for
Life.
This Story was told me by the Gentleman
himself, and the Lady assured me of the truth
of the matter, imploring my assistance: Well,
Madam, said I, come, be ruled by me, and I
will disappoint your old Husband, and you
shall laugh at him. Having considered the matter,
I ordered her to go next day into the Country,
above 100 miles from London, and there to
expect me, and obey my further orders, this she
did; and I soon following her, and the Assizes
beginning the next day, I got a Warrant to apprehend
and bring her before the bench, she
came, and I charged her with having two Husbands,
she denying, and I alledging the matter,
she was committed, and an Indictment brought
in; but when she was to be try’d, I was not to be
found, nor any person else to prosecute her: so
that she was quit by proclamation. A Copy of this
Process I took out of the Court, and so she and I
came to London, to the Gentleman her friend, who
gladly welcomed us, and now they live together
in spight of the old Knight, who attempting to
trouble them, found it in vain, for she could not
be tryed for one fact twice.
.bn 289.png
.pn +1
This feat did I, meerly out of my own apprehension
and fancy, and it succeeding according
to my wishes, and I had a considerable reward
for my pains.
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXIX.
.pm start_summary
The Drugster sets two Persons, his wives Brothers-in-Law,
at variance, he gets Money out of them
both, proceeds in Trading, but adventuring too
much, cannot pay his Debts, and is therefore clapt
up in prison.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I drave this rambling Trade for a long time, and
gained enough by it, but I was so prodigal in
my expences (both at home and abroad, that I
might be counted somebody) and sometimes loosing
considerable sums at gaming, that I began to go
behind hand, and oftentimes, when I pretended to
go to Gravesend, the Downs, or other places to
buy some Drugs, or other Merchandise aboard a
Ship, I went not far from London to a brave handsome
Lass, that I kept for my private recreation.
For though I had a wife, and she indifferent
handsome, yet was she cold in her embraces, and
still talking of the cares of the World, and propounding
ways to get Moneys. But my private
Lady was quite different, being wholly composed
of Love and sweetness, professing nothing
more dear to her, then my Society: and we had
.bn 290.png
.pn +1
no other discourse but pleasure and enjoyments,
in the greatest height we could imagine; This
though it were pleasant, was very chargeable, to
keep such a Commodity for my own private use,
so that I gained not much at the years end; and
what I got over the Divels back, I spent under
his belly, as the Proverb goes: Wherefore my
wife called on me to stay at home and apply
my self to some settled way; but that I could
not do, for my Stock was grown low and my
spending as high as ever.
My Wife had a Father-in-Law who was a Citizen
and a monyed man; him I got into favor with
and by my free entertainment of him, won him to
me; for he having left off trading in London, lived
some miles off, and coming to London would often
visit me, where I still welcomed him, and attended
him abroad when he went to receive Rents, or any
Moneys, and assisted him in all such things that I
could, with much diligence. My stock being very
low, I borrowed Moneys of him to trade with,
and was very punctual in my payment, so that he
put so much confidence in me, as to lend me 100l.
and more I might have had, had I requested it, as
he and his wife (who was my wives Mother) often
visited me at my house, so at convenient times I
was a guest at theirs in the Countrey? where I
associated my self with the best Gentlemen of the
place, winning upon the affections of all; by my
facetious and pleasant converse. I had great
hopes of raising my fortunes by my wives Mother,
who I hoped would out-live her husband, and then,
.bn 291.png
.pn +1
at her death be able and willing to give me good
part of her estate, but it fell out otherwise, for she
fell sick and dyed before him, but it was my good
luck to be there, and my wife being still near her,
she gave her some Rings and other things that
were considerable.
The old man my Father-in-Law being desirous
to bury his wife at London according to her request
went up with us, and being somewhat sick before,
so soon as his wife was buried, was so surprized
with a distemper, that he took his bed, and after
ten weeks sickness dyed at my house, during his
sickness I bethought my self of what advantage I
might make it, and endeavoured to please him in
all I might, but he having two sons, I could not
expect much of the estate, but was resolved by
hook or by crook to have a considerable share, and
to that end I knew no better way then to divide
the two Brothers and put them at difference. The
eldest was a married man, and though of an easie
temper yet I knew was too honest to be wrought
on to do any unhandsome action, the youngest being
a young bluff fellow, was apt to believe any
thing I should perswade him to, wherefore at first
I possest him with a jealousie against his brother,
and that he would defraud him of his share of the
estate, if he did not take heed and follow my
directions, which if he did, I would put him into
a way to command his elder brother in every
thing.
The young man being of a suspitious nature,
.bn 292.png
.pn +1
easily believed me; and then I particularly advised
him, that the first thing he ought to do, was to
get the Register of his age altered; for if his father
should now dye, and he not truly being
twenty years of age, could not expect to have
the possession of any part of the Estate, unless
he were one and twenty. Wherefore to
the house of the Parish Register we went, and
for the spending of one shilling, and five shillings
in Money, we had the Register book delivered
to us, where I being well skilled in counterfeiting
and imitating of hands; soon alter’d
the Register, putting his age out in one place, and
writing it in another place two years before; so
that the young man was now made half a year
above full age. Then did we call the Register,
who gave us a Certificate out of the book of the
young mans age, and this we carried with us as authentick,
and to be produced on all occasions. I
having done thus much for the young Man, he
could not deny me anything I desired or requested:
so that the old sick Gentleman being still weaker,
and having his Money in a Trunk by his beds-side,
I perswaded the younger Brother (who had
the key) to take some out and lend to me; which
he did: and that the old Man might not see
the action; I and my wife would stand by the
beds-side before him, so that by degrees I got
100 l. from thence; and when the old man dyed,
though he left a considerable Estate, yet was
there not a penny of ready Money. The elder
brother knowing that he had foul-play shewed
him, began to be angry, but to no purpose, for
.bn 293.png
.pn +1
he was forced to comply, the younger brother
having possession of that Trunck, and the keys
of all others where all the Writings were. The
old man being buried (and much excess and
prodigality shewed in the expences and costs
thereof, which was done principally at my invitement,
that I might gain repute by inviting
as many friends as I pleased, and also drain my
two young men of their moneys) the two
brothers began to discourse the matter, the elder
brother demanding possession of the Estate,
and a divident to be made according to the Will
of their Father; and, said he, Brother, your
share must either be in my hands, or else in the
Chamber of London till you come of age: How,
said I, till he come of age? Sure, you mistake
your self, he is of sufficient age already; and
thereupon produced the Certificate, which
though it was very punctual, yet the elder brother
(who was neer ten years older then his
brother) and several others who were present,
knew to be false: and this was the first breach
between them, which had like to have grown
to a high flame: for the elder Brother applying
himself to the Register, upon search of the Book,
found the fallacy: and indeed the Register acknowledged
the fact; for which he, and the
younger Brother, and my self had like to have
kissed Newgate, by order of the Lord Mayor, who
being acquainted herewith, was highly incensed
against us all, professing before the whole Court
of Aldermen, That this act was of high concernment,
and might be prejudicial to the
.bn 294.png
.pn +1
whole City. The elder brother was very cautious
in prosecuting this affair, being tender of
his brothers credit, and therefore endeavoured
by fair means to bring his brother to a handsome
compliance; which he effected in my absence,
and so wrought upon his Brother, that
the Trunk of Writings was sent for to a Tavern,
where they were for the present divided,
and the Trunk with part of the Writings delivered
to him, with a promise to put a fair end
to the rest of the difference. When I came home,
and found the Trunk gone, I stormed exceedingly;
and believing my self disappointed of my
purpose, found out the younger Brother, and
schooled him so soundly, that he by my directions
went back to his brothers house, and by a
false token regained the Trunk with the Writings
which he had new sent home. Thus was
their difference enlarged, and likely to be
worse; but the Elder brother so moderately
complyed with all mine and his brothers demands,
though never so unreasonable, that a
division and partition was made, not onely of the
Estate, but some part of the Goods, which being
Plate, and Linnen, and Pewter, were delivered
into my custody: and all the differences between
the brothers being ended, I demanded
of the elder brother satisfaction for his fathers
being at my house during the time of his sickness:
he little expected this; for his father had
given to me and mine an hundred pound, but
that was nothing; I owed him so much, and I
must have more, and so I told him I would
.bn 295.png
.pn +1
have, or mischief him: not giving any other
reason, but that he had enough, and I would
have part. Thus did I hope to huff him out of
his money: but he, though he was easie and
good-natured (which I accounted next of kin
to a fool) yet wholly refused me, affirming that
I had no reason for my demands, for I had an
hundred pound given me, and that I had not
been at any charge, for his father had continually
given my wife money to provide all necessaries,
and that some of that was still in my
wives hands.
Though I knew what he alledged was true,
yet I still persisted in my demands, and told
him, that so much I would have for the trouble
of my house: he offered to refer it to two men;
I long refused it, but at the length consented,
and tampered with his Arbitrator, promising
him a reward, if he would answer my expectations:
but he contrary to my expectations proved
honest, and gave me but half what I asked;
neither would he have consented to that, but
that the elder brother himself advised him
thereto, out of a desire of Peace. This Award
I was much troubled at, and seeing I could get
no more, was contented with what I could get
of him: but the younger brother I fleec’d somewhat
more considerably, getting out of them both,
in Legacy, Mony and Goods, to the value of
three or four hundred pounds: with which stock
of money, and a greater of credit, reporting of
greater matters that were given me, I again fell
to trafficking, and now dealt more considerably
.bn 296.png
.pn +1
then ever: for I went to publick Sales, where
great quantities of goods were sold by inch of
Candle, and bought thousand pounds worth at a
time; and so considerable was I lookt on, that I
was often imployed by others to buy for them.
I bought several parcels and sorts of Goods, which
I fetcht away as I paid for them: at last I bought
several parcels of Goods to a great value, and
fetcht away most of them, which I sold to profit:
but one parcel of 500l. being a failing and decaying
Commodity, I left in their hands so long, that
it was much damaged; and unwilling, and indeed
unable to pay for them, was arrested, and
clapt up into prison; where I was forc’d to lie
a great while, till I had spent and consumed
most of what I had; and at length they finding
there was nothing to be got by me, released me,
I releasing my bargain: which I willingly did,
but soon after repented it; for the price of that
Commodity rising, it soon amounted to great
profit; and whereas I should have lost, I now
might have gained, as they did by the sale of it,
neer 200l.
.bn 297.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
CHAP. XXX.
.pm start_summary
The Drugster having failed in London, goes to
live in the Country; where by counterfeiting a
sickness, and making a Will, he gets into Credit,
and borrowing Money falls again to Trading.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
This Misfortune of my Imprisonment did
sensibly afflict me; especially, when I understood
that instead of loss, I might have gained
by holding to my bargain; but it now being
past, could not be helpt. I was reduced to such
necessity, that not onely all my Money, but my
Plate and best Goods were sold; and not onely
my Wife, but my Whore parted from their
Rings and Jewels to redeem me: for when I
was in prison, every body that I owed money to,
though never so little, came upon me; and
though I came off with my great Action easily
enough, yet many other little ones stuck close
to me, which I was forced to discharge. I had
now time enough to consider my forepassed
Actions, and to examine my self what I had
done to deserve this affliction; I bethought me
of the trick I first served my Mistresses Sister, in
cheating her of her Money and Virginity; but
that stuck not much upon me, because I thought
her to be justly enough fitted for delaying me,
distrusting me, and other bad practices I knew
her guilty of; but when I considered the wrong
.bn 298.png
.pn +1
I had lately done the two brothers, in first raising
a difference, and then continuing it between
them, and not onely prosecuting the elder brother
so highly my self, but putting another of
my acquaintance (to whom I knew he was indebted)
upon him to sue and arrest him, with
all the disgrace that I could, by causing it to be
done on a Sunday as he went to Church, I my
self attending: This consideration possessed me
with an opinion that this Judgement was justly
fallen upon me for this cause, I being rightly
enough fitted, being likewise my self arrested
on a Sunday, as I was going to Church: but
now being discharged of my Imprisonment, I
bethought me what course I was to take, and
resolved, that since I had suffered disgrace in
the City, it were best for me to remove into the
Country, where I was not known; therefore I
soon took a house of considerable value, and
putting my self in a very good Habit, and in
equipage every ways suitable, I and my Wife,
with most of my family removed from my London
to my Country-house; I soon got my self
acquainted with the best and wealthiest people of
the place, and gave them very handsome treats
and entertainments at my house, which they answered
me with the like civility.
Though I had been a Prisoner, yet I had
play’d my Cards so well in paying my small
debts, and told my tale so advantagiously about
my great Action, that I had preserved a sufficient
credit with some of my Dealers; so that
making up about fifty pound out of my Wives
.bn 299.png
.pn +1
and Wenches Rings, Jewels, and some Plate, I
was entrusted with 100l. worth of Commodities,
with which I set up another Trade in the
Country: this turned to good account: for I
seldom ventured on any thing, but it was effectual
and to purpose; and if I would wholly
have bent my minde to get Money, I might have
had a good estate; but I affected pleasure equal
to, and above profit; and though I was thus low
in the World, yet I still kept my Wench, whom I
had now quartered in the mid-way between my
London and Country-house, and therefore could
lye with her commodiously enough, and tell my
wife, if at my Country, that I lay at the London
house; and so on the contrary.
As I thus enjoyed my pleasure, so I now began
to be more wary, and look after profit,
which I did to good purpose; but I now wanted
a Father-in-Law who was a moneyed man, or
some other friend who would furnish me with
money; and if I could but have produced three
or four hundred pounds in ready money, I questioned
not but to make extraordinary advantage;
for this end I thought on several ways,
and at length did hit upon one that did my business.
I travelling in the Winter, took an extraordinary
cold that forced me to keep my bed
for some days, and indeed I did so longer then
I needed; for I counterfeited an extraordinary
sickness, and that I was much troubled with
the Stone and Collick; and so desperate ill I
pretended my self to be, that my Wife lamenting,
and my Children and Family being in much
.bn 300.png
.pn +1
disorder, I was perswaded to make my Will:
to this I consented; and the Scrivener of the
Town was sent for; I then told him, that by
reason of my Childrens childhood, and my
Wives incapacity to manage affairs, I was in a
great strait how to dispose of my Estate, which
though it was considerable enough, yet if it
were not well managed, would soon come to
nothing; I now being in a strange Town, distant
from London, where my acquaintance lived,
I knew not well what person to intrust as Executor,
unless, said I, Mr. B. of this Town would
do me the kindness to take that trouble on him,
which I would willingly requite by a sufficient
Legacy, and my Wife and Children would be
bound to pray for him. Sir, said the Scrivener,
I question not but he will do it; and if you please,
I will not onely ask him, but perswade him thereto.
I thank you kindly, said I, and for this offer
of your friendship, I shall give you a Legacy as
a Remembrance of me; and therefore, I pray,
take notice of the heads of my Will, and then go
with it to Master B. and shewing it to him, make
this request to him in my behalf: whereupon the
Scrivener began, and I dictated to him, what, and
to whom I would give; which was 1000l. to my
Wife, 300 a piece to my Children, and several
other Legacies, amounting in all to near 3000l.
and 100l. I gave to my intended Executor, and
10l. to the Scrivener.
This affair being thus ordered, the Scrivener
departed, and went to Master B. my intended
Executor, who being a well-monyed man, and
.bn 301.png
.pn +1
withal very covetous, was very glad of the matter,
and willingly accepted of the offer, and
within few hours came to me, and told me he
was very sorry for my sickness, and wished my recovery;
but if he could do me any service living,
or to my Wife and Children if I should die,
which he hoped would not happen, he should be
ready and willing both in purse and person to
assist me. I then told him what I had done as
to my Will, and withal caused my Account-books
to be produced, where I shewed and demonstrated
how my Estate stood, and in whose hands it
was (having prepared false Accompts for that
purpose:) he seeing the matter so plain, and hoping
to get a fleece out of my Estate, caused the
Scrivener to proceed and finish the Will, which
I sealed; but during his stay with me at that
time, and some other times when he visited me,
I so counterfeited faintings and pain, that he and
all others neer me, did fully conclude, I was no
man for this World.
After I had managed this affair to the height,
I soon recovered, and had now not only gained
this old penny-father to be my friend, but by
his and the Scriveners reports of my Estate, had
many others, who more then ordinarily respected
me, and made me tenders of their service:
all which I thankfully refused at present, as not
having any need. Soon after this, I hearkned
out a place, for which I was to give 1000l.
and it being a good penny-worth, I engaged in
it: I made a shift to raise two hundred pound of
my own moneys, and that was all I was then
.bn 302.png
.pn +1
able to do; but pretending I had of my own
five hundred pound in money, I soon perswaded
my intended Executor to furnish me with five
hundred pound more; and so paying seven hundred
pound to my Chapman, he took my word
for three hundred pound more. This place
put me in very great credit; and now, as well
my London as my Country-acquaintance looked
on me with respect, supposing all to be true that
had been discoursed of me. I did not long keep
this place, but sold it for an 100l. profit, and
so became Master of more ready money then
ever, with which I again came to London, wholly
leaving my Country-house, and paying my
Country Penny-father part of his moneys: and
with that little of my own, and the rest that was
left, and what I had gained, I took a house and
Shop in the place where I now live, and drive a
Trade equal to the best of my Neighbours; onely
I have had some dealings of late, which have
a little puzzled me, as I lately told you, when
I had my trial; but he that slander’d me paying
so dear as 200l. damages, will not onely himself
beware, but alwaies teach others to hold
their peace.
.bn 303.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXI.
.pm start_summary
The Drugster now breaking in earnest, endeavours
to cheat his Creditors, and convey himself and
Estate into Holland; but is discovered, and his
Estate seized, and himself stopt; but by assistance
of the Relator, he gets off, and having a
good sum of Money, and the Scrivener and his
Wench, all get away, and travel to the East-Indies.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Thus did the Drugster finish his story. I received
satisfaction equal to whatever I had
either in the Scrivener, Bookseller, or any other
Relation; for I found that his Actions had been
different from theirs; for what they did under the
cloak of honesty, he did under that of Religion,
which I found was too often the covering of
Knavery. This Discourse being ended, and our
Wine out, we parted; proffering to each other all
kinde of service: and indeed it was through his
occasion, and to do him service, that I am come
to this place, so far from my Country; I shall
therefore give you an account of his last Actions
in England, which are as remarkable as any I
have hitherto related to you; as also somewhat
further of the Scrivener, who is our other Companion;
and so finish this large Narrative, which
I doubt hath almost wearied you.
I being unwilling to hinder the Traveller in
prosecuting his Story, had with much pleasure
.bn 304.png
.pn +1
attended and hearkned to what he had said; and
though his Discourse was long, and had taken up
much time, yet I found so much pleasing variety,
that made me ample satisfaction and amends;
and being desirous to know the rest of their Adventures,
and what fortune or misfortune had
brought them hither, I desired him to proceed,
which he did in this manner:
I was now acquainted with three persons,
(viz. the Scrivener, Bookseller, and Drugster,
an account of whose actions I have given you)
that gave me full satisfaction, and put me into an
absolute opinion, that there was not onely Knavery
used in all Trades and Professions, but that
most Trades were composed of, and most Estates
gotten by over-reaching and Knavery: I therefore
resolved to look about me, and see what I
could do in the world; and having an intimate
and familiar acquaintance with the Scrivener, I
was by him supplyed with what money I desired,
laying it out in Clothes, which I bought at
the second hand, and sold again to my profit,
and so repaying the Scrivener, who took no
other interest then a Pint or a Quart of Wine. I
did light upon so many good Bargains, that I
had gained a stock of about fifty pound of my
own, and my Master did not contradict or deny
me in my dealing, because I assisted him in his
profit, by bringing him Customers of our Club
and acquaintance; I brought the Scrivener and
Drugster to be acquainted together, and they
liked one another so well, that they contracted
a friendship, which had hitherto lasted; and
.bn 305.png
.pn +1
the Scrivener was likewise assistant to the Drugster
in procuring him moneys at a pinch, which
he honestly repaid him; and the Captain (which
I told you the Scrivener first adventured to Sea
withal, so much to their own profit, and the
loss of the Insurers) was now a person admitted
into our Society, and being now got up
again in the world, became Master of a good
Ship, and was often imployed by the Drugster,
and others of his acquaintance, on several short
Voyages to Holland, when at his return he was
assisted in securing and conveying much prohibited
and uncustomed Goods by the Drugster,
which was to the very great gain of them
both; and in general we all thrived very well,
till fortune, who is always changeable, in short
time turn’d tail upon the Drugster, and had
like to have crush’d him to nothing. He being
at the height of his Trade, and studying now
onely how to be an Alderman, did drive a great
Trade, buying and selling much Commodities,
both Drugs and Grocery Ware, and indeed any
other Merchandize whatever, nothing came amiss
to him, till at length he not onely had a
great loss at Sea, but buying a great quantity of
Pot-ashes, intending to make a great profit by
keeping them up, he lost 1000l. at a clap; for
much of that Commodity coming in unexpectedly,
he was forced to sell his at great loss:
these two unlucky hits, both falling on the neck
of one another, shrewdly squeezed him; but he
being of a great courage, took little notice of it
to the World, but still run on all that he could,
.bn 306.png
.pn +1
adventuring a great part of the remainder of
his Estate to Sea, which likewise failing, he was
quite undone; but remembring that he had
been in as bad condition formerly, and still
made a shift to come off clear, and creep up again,
his credit being still high, he bought great
quantities of Goods upon credit, to pay at three
months; but not knowing how to bestir himself,
being now got very highly in Debt, and
knowing very well that he could not make profit
enough by those Goods to set himself to
rights, he thereupon bethought himself of conveying
away what he had, and giving all his
Creditors the slip: he had two other inducements
that moved him thereto, the one was his
Wives death, which was lately happened, and
the other was his Wenches consent and earnest
desire for him to do so, promising him to assist
him in all she could, and also to accompany him
in his Voyage.
This being agreed, the place intended for his
Voyage being Holland, he sold as much Goods
in London at an under-rate for ready money, as
he received 600l. for; and the rest of his goods
amounting to 1500l. worth, was put on board
a Ship, which was immediately to set sail for
Amsterdam; his Lady being on board the Ship,
but in a Disguise, Virago-like, habited in mans
apparel: he carried not his designe so closely,
but some of his Creditors got knowledge of it,
and understanding the business to be desperate,
took out a Statute of Bankrupt, and going on
board the Ship seized on all; he being then at
.bn 307.png
.pn +1
London, taking leave of me, the Scrivener, and
some other friends. This being done, the news
came quickly to his knowledge; for before we
parted, two of his Creditors, accompanied with
Officers, not onely acquainted him with what
they had done, but also secured his person. We
were all surprized at this action, especially the
Drugster, who now appeared more dead then
alive; and though he was asked many Questions,
yet he knew not readily how to answer one;
and therefore they soon left us, carrying him
away to one of their own houses, where they tyrannically
kept him for some days, not permitting
any person to come at him; for though I
attempted it, 'twas in vain. The Scrivener and I
being together, wondred at the action, and
could not tell what should be the occasion of this
sudden business; for the Drugster had not acquainted
us with the bottom of his designe, onely
telling us, that he was to go a two Months
Voyage to Holland, and so return. I then parted
from the Scrivener, and attempted to see
and to speak with my friend the Drugster, but
it could not be at present; but by often importuning
and pretending business of consequence,
in ten days time I was permitted to see and
speak with him; when having secured and examined
the Chamber where he was, that none
might over-hear our Discourse, he soon acquainted
me with every particular of his business and
designe; nor did he relate to me that his Wench
was on board in mans apparel, and how he had
given 100l. in silver into her Custody. But, said
.bn 308.png
.pn +1
I, where is the other 500l. for in all I heard
you say, you had 600l. in ready money? That
said he, I hope is safe, if my Clothes are so; and
therefore, I pray, said he, assist me a little in this
affair, and enquire what is become of the
Wench and my Clothes, and I doubt not but in
few days to put all things right enough again.
I not onely promised him to do my utmost, but
went about it very faithfully; and going on
board the Ship, found that all was gone; but
upon enquiry, heard that the young man that
was to accompany the Drugster in the Voyage,
was on shore at a house not far off: thither I
went, and upon enquiry found out the party:
I desired private speech with him, for she went
for a man: this was granted, and I discovering
my self so plainly to her in every particular, she
made no great difficulty to be as free with me,
and told me, that all was gone, Clothes, and every
thing else, except her own Box, where she
had secured the 100l. that was given to her; and,
continued she, My friend could not have employed
any person to me, to whom I would have
been so free as I shall be to you: for though you
do not know me in this Habit, yet I suppose, had
I my woman’s dress, you would soon remember
me: I then protested to her, that I could not
call her Phisnomy to minde. Well, said she, we
have been more inward, and ere now lain together;
and thereupon told me, that she was one
of those three that I lay with in one night, and
had redeemed from pawn, as I have formerly
told you, at my last coming to London. Upon
.bn 309.png
.pn +1
this, though she was in breeches; I made bold
to kiss her and embrace her: Well, said she,
proceed no further, there may be time enough
for the rest; let us now consult what is necessary
to be done for our distressed friend; for, said
she, if you and he desire it, I shall be willing to
part from all the hundred pounds, which I am
yet Mistress of. Well, replyed I, you are the
most generous and deserving Woman of all your
Sex, especially of your Quality, not onely for
what you now offer, but what I formerly by experience,
and lately by his Relations have understood
of you. Truely, replyed she, where I
promise fidelity, I perform it; and where I finde
worth, I will endeavour to deserve and requite
it: and though I have lived wantonly, yet since
I was entertained by this Gentleman as his friend,
I have been wholly constant, and will persevere
therein so long as he is able, or I can otherwise
handsomely contrive a way to subsist. In this you
are very obliging, said I, but I hope you will not
deny any old friend a courtesie. Well, said she,
more of that hereafter. From this discourse we
fell to the matter in hand, consulting and contriving
what was most necessary to be done for
our friends present accommodation: for the
present, we agreed all the money should lye in
her hands, onely she should remove her quarters
to the place appointed.
This being done, I again repaired to him, and
acquainted him with my proceedings; he was
glad I had found her and the hundred pound:
but when I told him that the Chest with his
.bn 310.png
.pn +1
Clothes were gone and secured from him, he was
almost out of his wits, cryed out that now he was
miserable, and never till now. Well, said I,
come, be contented, there may be a way found
to remedy this evil. No, said he, never till I am
again Master of that Chest with my Clothes. Upon
this he was silent, and soon after two of his
chief Creditors entred the Chamber, and told
him that if he would be ingenious with them, that
they would not onely release him, but put Money
in his Pocket, that he might trade again:
For, said one of them, we have been at great cost
already for the taking out the Commission of
Banckrupt, and the Commissioners Fees for sitting
hath already cost two hundred pound, and
it every day runs up to more and more; So that
in fine, it will consume the Estate, unless you
will assist us in making up your accounts; for there
are several that we supposed had owed you money,
do put in for to have a share with us: and
thereupon, they named two or three parties who
had demanded monies of them. To this the
Drugster replyed, that he owed no such sums as
were pretended, and that one of them owed him
two hundred pound; he alledging this, and offering
to prove it, they desired him to provide
against the next day to appear before the Commissioners;
and if he did justifie this, they would
immediately discharge him. This being agreed
on, they left him, and he was now in somewhat
better taking than he had been, and I encouraged
him to bear up, and hope for the best. Well,
said he, if I can but get my Chest of Clothes again
.bn 311.png
.pn +1
I care not; and I pray fail not to be with me
to morrow, and get my Mistress to send me ten
pound, that I may have occasion to use. We discoursed
not much further for the present, but
parted; and I returning home to my Masters,
asked leave to be absent for that night; to which
he consented; and indeed, I had so much liberty,
that I might stay out so long as I pleased, my
Master using me rather like a Companion then a
Servant.
I now went to the Drugsters Lady, and my
quondam-acquaintance, and informing her of my
business, she freely delivered me ten pound: But,
said I, this is not all, I must have somewhat else
before I go; and thereupon called for Wine, and
we drank so briskly, that we were both pretty
merry: And it being now late, she asked me
where I intended to lodge: I said, with her; That
must not be, replyed she: and indeed I had somewhat
to do to perswade her to it; but at length I
did, and we lay together without any suspition,
she going for a man. We often interchanged
many amorous imbraces, and performed all those
dalliances that two longing Lovers could expect,
and made many protestations of a farther friendship:
I telling her, that I believed her friend the
Drugster would not be offended, if he knew of our
enjoyments, and would as well impart her to me,
as he had done his chiefest secrets: Well, said she,
if you gain his consent, you command mine,
and I therefore leave it to your management;
and I suppose if you tell him of our former acquaintance,
the greatest difficulty will be overcome.
.bn 312.png
.pn +1
This I thought would be a ready way, as
indeed it was: and since then we have had an equal
enjoyment of her; she having lain with one
of us every night since, and during our Voyage
hither, and is one of those two are in mens apparel,
and is called George.
But, said I, to return to my matter in hand, I
the next morning parted from her, and with ten
pound in my pocket, went to my friend, who
was going before the Commissioners, whither I
attended him; and there he carried himself with
so much freedom and ingenuity, that he was set
at liberty, and promised more favours: he then
made it his request, that he might have the Chest
with his Clothes: to this some consented, but
others replied, all must be apprised, and till then
nothing could be disposed of, and therefore they
demanded the key of him: this he refused; but
they told him, that then they would break it
open: he seeing there was no other remedy, promised
to bring it the next morning, and then
desired they might be apprised, and delivered to
him: and thus they parted; and after he and I
had drunk a Pint of Wine, we also parted.
As I was going home I met with the Scrivener,
who being desirous to know how matters went
with the Drugster, would enforce a glass of Wine
on me; when I told him all the matter, and
omitting nothing, we judged that his five hundred
pound was in that Chest with his Clothes, and
that now he would be stripp’d of it. But, said
the Scrivener, I wish he were Master of that Money,
and then I should propound a way to him
.bn 313.png
.pn +1
to leave them, by making him partner in a design
which I have lately projected, and is now neer
execution.
I needed not use many words to perwsade him
to acquaint me with his design, wherefore after
few words, he opened to me the matter thus:
I have, said he, lived in so full an enjoyment
of every thing here, that I am weary of it, being
tied to one place; and my spirit being of a
soaring rambling temper, am desirous of novelty
and change; and to that end I have some time
since purposed, and lately contrived a way to
leave England for some other place, and consulting
with the Captain whom you know, have resolved
for the East-Indies, whither he is now
bound: and that I might not go away beggerly,
(for I never intend to return, unless very rich)
I have contrived a way how to carry good store
of money with me, which I am now plentifully
provided with. Yes, said I, I know it is no difficulty
for you to procure what money you will,
having the keeping of so much Cash. You are
mistaken, said he, I intend not to wrong my Master
of a penny, but have done it otherwise, the
manner thus:
My Master hath lately taken a Journey into the
Country, and left the sole management of his
affairs to me; and resolving now to make use of
my time, I have put my Project in Execution.
I have been with one of our Money-Masters, and
told him, that such a man, whom he knew to be
a good man, that is, a rich man, wanted so much
Money; this he readily consented to, and I had
.bn 314.png
.pn +1
the Money delivered to me, only giving him a Bond,
whereto I have counterfeited the name of him
whom I told him was the Borrower, and my self,
with one more was a witness: this have I done
with two or three, who I was confident would
trust me; and with two I have pretended they
would borrow of one another two hundred pound
apiece, and given each of them a Counterfeit
bond; and I cannot chuse but smile, to think in
what a case they will both be when the time of
payment comes, and instead of receiving, they
will demand two hundred pounds of each other:
it may be, they will be so frolick as to go to law;
if they do, it will make good sport for the Lawyers.
By this means, as I tell you, I have raised
fifteen hundred pounds, which I have all ready
by me in good Jocobusses, and am ready in ten
days to march off with my Captain for the East-Indies;
now if the Drugster had his Money in
readiness, I should be glad of so good Company.
I heard him with much delight, and from that
very minute resolved to make one of the Company,
and then offered him my service, which he kindly
accepted of, and promised me that I should share
all fortunes with him.
I went back to my Mistress, and provided my
self for my Voyage: and the next day the Drugster
bringing his Keys, the Chest where his Clothes
were was opened, and all in it was examined,
but no Money found: I remember at every parcel
of Clothes they took, his eye was so fixed, that
I thought he would never remove it; but at length
all was pass’d over, and the Clothes prized at
.bn 315.png
.pn +1
twenty pounds: he earnestly entreated that he
might have them; but they replied, they could
not do it without the consent of all, unless they
gave so much out of their own pockets, and they
had already lost too much by him. He finding
that there was no way but one, took me with
him to a Tavern, and conjured me to do him
one kindness, which was, by all means to purchase
these Clothes at any rate; giving me the
ten pound I had brought him, and five pound
more, he knew not at present what to do for five
or ten pounds more, which he advised me to give
for the Clothes rather than fail. It was too far
to go to his Ladies Quarters, wherefore I out of
my own stock supplied that want; and then going
to the Creditors, with much ado perswaded one
of them, who had the Keys, to sell me the Clothes:
he would not consent to do this, unless I would
give him thirty pound, which was ten pound
more then they were apprized at: though the demand
was unreasonable, yet I was forced to consent;
and putting ten pound of the money into
his own pockets, willingly delivered the Clothes
to me, charging me not to discover what I gave.
I did not much heed what he said, but gladly received
the Chest and key, and carried it to the
Drugster, who with much impatience expected
me; it being carried up into a private Chamber,
and the door fast locked, he unlocked the Chest,
and took out the Clothes, and drawing his Knife,
unript the Collar of a Doublet, where were several
pieces of Gold: Nay then, said he, we are still
safe, and I defie Fortune and all her malice: in
.bn 316.png
.pn +1
less then half an hour, with my assistance, we
found out 500 l. in Gold, which was sewed up in
several places about the Clothes. This being done,
I soon acquainted him with the Scriveners Project,
and my resolution: to this he likewise consented,
only, said he, I must not leave my honest
Girl behind me. For that, said I, I question not
but I shall have some influence to perswade her;
and thereupon I acquainted him with my former
knowledge of her: Well, said he, since it is so, we
will continue her a friend to us both, and not
entertain any jealousie. In fine, we agreed not
only in that particular, but in every thing else;
and the Scrivener being acquainted with all our
designs, we so ordered the matter, that I, the
Drugster, and our Mistress, and the Scrivener
and a Wench of his, whom he had likewise put
into mans Apparel, did all come on board with
all our Treasure into our Captains Ship which
was in the Downs, and bound for this place; and
so having good Winds, good Company, and every
thing to our content, are all safely arrived in this
place.
.bn 317.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXII.
.pm start_summary
He being now by the Relator brought acquainted
with the Scrivener, Drugster, and the rest of his
Companions; they enter into discourse about the
several Factious Religions practised in England.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Thus did our Relator finish his long story,
which was so filled with profit, as well as
pleasure, that I accounted the time I had spent
in hearing him the best bestowed of any: for I
gathered so much variety of experiences, that if
I had any minde to prosecute my former course
of life in cheating and Roguing, I might now
soon profess my self to be my Arts-Master, if I
did but bravely follow those Examples he had related
to me: but if they were any wise improved,
as I had a Genius fit enough to be highly active,
I might then out-do all Example.
These were my first thoughts, but I had not
much time to spend in contemplation: but he
having put an end to his discourse, I kindly
thanked him for his great freedom used in his relation;
and told him, that since he had been so
generous to me in unbosoming himself, I in requital
did promise him a lasting friendship, and at
our first leasure recount some of my life to him,
which I had hitherto concealed, that should give
him satisfaction that I intended to use an absolute
freedom with him.
.bn 318.png
.pn +1
Thus did we contract a friendship, and it was
now time to eat somewhat, the best part of the
day having been spent in his long narrative: such
as the house afforded we had, and after a repast,
we concluded both to go on board of their Ship
to finde out his Companions; he resolving to acquaint
them with what had passed between us,
and to let them know my quality, believing they
would be well enough satisfied with what he had
done, because they might have great occasion to
make use of me.
In this resolution we were preparing to go to
the Ship, when the Scrivener and Drugster entred
the house, enquiring for their Companion,
who presenting himself to them, they desired
him to walk out, that they might confer together:
No, said he, let us take a Room here and
discourse, which we may do with as much freedom
as any where else: he urging it, they consented,
and having a private Room and necessaries,
after a cup or two of Wine I left their company,
on purpose to give my friend the Taylor
(who was called Gregory) the opportunity of acquainting
them with what had passed between us,
which I suppose he did in very few words; for
within half an hour I was called for, and being
kindly saluted by the two Gentlemen, was desired
to sit down and make one of their Company.
After a Cup or two of Wine more had passed,
my friend Gregory Taylor thus spake to me: Friend,
I have acquainted these my two Friends and Companions
with our late discourse, and by that they
know that all their affairs are known to you also;
.bn 319.png
.pn +1
I have told them what I know of you, & we are
all sensible that your acquaintance may be very
useful and necessary in all things, but much more
your friendship: Wherefore, as you say I by my
freedom with you have merited your acquaintance
and friendship; so I desire the same room
in your brest for my Friends, who by me desire
it, and in requital you shall command ours; and
whatever we have, you shall be equally Master of
with our selves.
I made no long pause in replying to them, that
they might command my love and friendship, and
in that my all, to render them the utmost testimonies
that I could. And thus did we all agree
to have a friendly correspondence, and to conceal
nothing of our affairs one from another. We then
drank off some more Wine; and though their
two Ladies and the Captain were absent, yet we
remembred them in our Cups, and resolved the
next day to dine all on board the Ship: and at
my importunity I so far prevailed, as that the
Women might appear there in their own Female-Habits;
for it had now been a long time since I
saw any European beauties.
We after this discoursed of many affairs of general
consequence, as the manner of the Countries,
and Governments both Ecclesiastical and
Civil, in which we spent some time: but in regard
all that can be said of that matter, is already
related in the second Chapter of this second part;
I shall therefore here forbear it: but it wrought
much upon the spirit of the Drugster; who having
formerly been a great stickler in Religion, was
.bn 320.png
.pn +1
amazed that there was so good a correspondence
in Religion, which was as he imagined so barbarous:
Well, said he, I finde that most places
enjoy a greater happiness in their conformities
in Religion, then our Native Country of England;
for there, instead of Unity and loving Conformity,
they are rent and torn in peeces into
many Factions; and that hath been the principal
occasion of the effusion of so much blood
as hath been spilt of late years; and when I left
England, there was still a discontented party that
was ready on all occasions to attempt a publique
mischief for their private interest, and onely to
maintain a private self-will’d-fancy, which they
term’d Religion.
I my self was for a long time bewitcht with a
Fanatick Zeal; and my Master being a man of
the same Humour, had instill’d such Principles
into me, that I had much ado to have any charity
for any person that was in the right: but in
time I finding a great deal of strictness in the precise
practice, and that under pretence of much
Zeal, there was more Covetousness then in any
other perswasion; I quitted that perswasion for
another, and shifted so long, that I found my life
but one continued Comedy of errors. In the end I
went over to the Episcopal party, & one of the most
powerful reasons that I had to follow the Independant
perswasion, was a Woman, my Mistresses
Sister, as I suppose you have already heard. Yes,
said I, this our friend hath given me satisfaction
in that particular, and I very well approve of
the revenge you had upon her: and as for my
.bn 321.png
.pn +1
own part, I was once a very great Lover of the
Ramble my self, but left it, out of a more generous
consideration: for being in company with
an Orthodox Parson, he told me that I was
much mistaken in my opinions; he gave me such
a Character of a Libertine Zealot, as I knew to
be true, and wholly put me out of conceit with
the Faction: they were now all desirous to hear
what was said to that particular; and therefore
I told them I would recollect my self, and give
them the best account that I could, and such a
one as I believed they would conclude with me,
was not onely ingenious, but true: and thereupon
I began in this manner.
.hr 90%
.bn 322.png
.pn +1
.pb
.if h
.il fn=i_b_074.jpg w=500px ew=90%
.if-
.if t
.hr 90%
.if-
.h2 nobreak
The Character of a Libertine | Zealot.
.sp 2
To describe him right, is a task like that of
the Taylor who took measure of the Devil;
for there is nothing more like him upon Earth
then he: He is lined with Covetousness, and covered
with Hypocrisie, the Root and Cloak of all
evil. Although at this time he carries a Bible,
yet upon occasion he wears a Sword; so that it is
hard to say, whether he be of the Tribe of Simeon
or Levi. He swallows contrary Oaths faster then
the Eagles in the Tower do gobbets of flesh;
for the way to Hell, and the Conscience of a
Libertine, are two broad things. He condemns
the lawful Rites and Ceremonies of the Church;
and is more ravished with the squeaking of a
Tythe-pig, then with the Musick of Organs.
He appears at his Preachment (like Æsops Crow)
in a dress of borrowed feathers; for he preaches
the works of other men, which are so much the
worse for the coming out of his mouth, as Wares
for being of the second hand. But it would grieve
your heart to see how he racks the ancient Fathers,
when he makes his own confession, and
mangles the Modern Divines more barbarously
then the Hang-man did the body of Hugh Peters;
.bn 323.png
.pn +1
I am sure poor Priscian gets many a broken
head.
His Eloquence consists altogether in rayling,
as though he had got his education at Billinsgate.
In his discourse he runs on like a Mad-dog, foaming
and open-mouth’d, yelping at the Reverend
Bishops; and even accounts many of his own
Brethren, the Sectaries, as mad as himself. Yet
sometimes he perceives that his stuff is too short
for the hour-Glass; and then the wheels of his
Rhetorick move very heavily: he then spends
much time in humming and spitting; and with
the wiping of his Nose, makes many a filthy Parenthesis.
As for his Text, he handles that as Moses did
his Rod when it was turned into a Serpent, he
lays it down, and runs away from it: yet his
Sermon lies all written before him; for the poor
Copy-holder in Divinity can do nothing without
his Notes. This his weakness, he would have
you think, is his worth; for he chargeth men
of abler parts with presumption: Yet when he
prays, he shuts his Eyes, preferring Nonsense
and Tautologies before the Divine Lyturgy.
Vain Wretch, that dares not speak to men without
Papers, and yet presumes to talk to God extempore!
As for his Congregation, he Saints or reprobates
them, according to what they give him;
and like a Gypsie, tells good Fortune to none
but those that cross his hand with a piece of silver;
and by him, as well as by the Pope, you
may be Canonized for mony: Thus he is a meer
Balaam, that blesseth and curseth for reward: he
.bn 324.png
.pn +1
that opposeth him, acts the part of an Angel; but
he that submits to him is worse then an Ass.
If you consider his constancy, he is a kind of Religious
Proteus, that is now ready to fawn upon that
Power against which he hath so long bark’d. If
therefore there be a Church in England which consists
of men, surely, The Orthodox, faithful,
constant Ministers, are the Doors, Windows, Pillars,
Bells and Candlesticks; and the rest serve
only for Weathercocks.
It is confessed, that at the beginning of this
happy Reformation, he was a little stubborn: perhaps,
expecting a second War; but now (poor
heart) he hath learned to pray for his Majesty:
but (if you could hear the language of his Soul)
it is so, as impatient heirs pray for their rich fathers.
There are two sorts of men, who having
escaped a deserved pair of Gallows, pray for the
King very strangely, that is, a Felon, whilst the
Executioner burns his hand; and a Traytor, whilst
the Devil sears his Conscience.
If you would know his name, you may finde
it subscrib’d to an ugly Petition; for where Bradshaw
was a Pilate that condemned, he was one of
those Jews that cry’d Crucifie. He professes sorrow
for the Martyrdom of our late Soveraign;
but believe him not, for his hand helped to hale
him to the Block. In a word, he is (at best) but
a State-Crocodile, and one that is Maudlin-drunk
with the Kings blood.
No more, but if you chance to meet with a Hue
and Cry, you may tell them, that he was lately
in a Sequestred Parsonage.
.bn 325.png
.pn +1
This Character was hugely pleasing to the
Drugster; and indeed, he and his two Companions,
the Scrivener, and Gregory the Taylor, did
all conclude, that it was very ingeniously true,
and gave much satisfaction to them in that particular;
and they all agreed, That the Dissenters
from the Church, were the Murtherers of their
Prince.
They all so well approving of what had been
said of these Varlets, I told them that I could
likewise relate somewhat else of the same Gentlemans
composure, who writ that Character; and
which I did conclude to be altogether as ingenious,
and that it was a great novelty, having never
as yet been in Print: they being earnest in
their desires to hear me, I told them it was only
the fifth Fable of Æsop Moralized; and thereupon
I began as follows:
.pm start_poem
The Brutes would once go hunt: a nimble Crew
Of those that dwell in Dens and Caves pursue
And take a goodly Stag, who in his fall
Proclaims sufficient booties unto all.
Each Beast being troubled with their hungry maws,
Were urging Clyents to their panting Jaws:
Divide, says one; another cries, Cast lots;
With that, the Lyon Roars, Away ye Scots:
Who’s that who says divide? pray be content,
The first part’s mine, because most excellent;
And but one part! nay, then you do me wrong,
A second part is mine, because most strong;
And if you dare give credit to my word,
Our pain and sweat have merited a third.
.bn 326.png
.pn +1
Now there remains a fourth, which is but small,
And scarce worth speaking of amongst you all;
Which you may give me willingly; and thus,
Renew the friendship betwixt you and us.
Be wise therefore; is it more safe to move
A Lyons anger, or confirm his love?
For if you shew the least unwillingness,
I’ll make you know the Senior of your Mess.
This said, the Hunters were amaz’d thereat;
They knew their distance, and they durst not prate,
But hung their tails betwixt their legs for shame,
And went away more hungry then they came.
.pm end_poem
This, said I, was the Fable, which though it
had already admitted of many Paraphrases and
Morals, yet was never yet in my opinion so fit
and aptly moralized, as in what I shall here recite,
which I did thus:
.pm start_poem
But take away the Brutes, and clear the Stage;
Enter those mighty Nimrods of the Age:
That cursed Crew that hunted for a Throne,
And made a Babel in Religion.
Lo here they come, that England did express
To be more brutish than a Wilderness:
A Wide-mouth’d-yelping-cur, with a long ear,
Of a Scotch brood, they call’d him ----:
Cerberus was his Syre, and for his dam
A Beast to whom Adam never gave name.
The solemn Covenant which he did take,
Hung like a pair of Couples on his neck:
The which he soon shook off; nay more, the Dog
Threw by his conscience, 'twas a tedious Clog.
.bn 327.png
.pn +1
And then began the game: Actæons hounds
Ne'er gave their Master half so many wounds,
As these their King: it was a hellish brood
That took the sent of none but Royal blood.
Loud was their Cry, and nimble was their Race;
A sadder hunting far than Chevy Chase.
But at the length, the Royal Hart they take,
Nor would they spare his life for Cæsars sake;
But he must dye, yet Noble ---- scorns
His share, ---- onely got the Horns.
But like the Lyon, Cromwel, that great man,
Made of Behemoth and Leviathan,
Thus speaks; And do you think, my friends, to share
That Prize in Peace, which I obtain’d in War?
Divide the spoil, and then as General I
Claim the first part due for my Excellency.
A second part our able strength demands;
A third is mine, 'cause these victorious hands
In all those fights wherein we had to do,
Were the most painful and most prosperous too.
Thus our activity, and strength, and worth,
Have won three parts, there onely rests a fourth;
Which we’ll with love accept, but if deny’d,
Our sword shall teach you better to divide.
Thus, as our Saviours Vesture, which might not
Be cut in pieces, was obtain’d by lot:
So our great Charles his power, which could not be
Dissolv’d into an Aristocracie,
Was Tyrant Cromwels share; and now our whips
Were turn’d to Scorpions: Now the grand Eclipse
Began; we saw no Sun for twice seven years,
Onely two fatal Stars by turns appears:
Protectorship, and Rumpship did prevail:
.bn 328.png
.pn +1
Nol was the Dragons head, and they the tail.
But welcome Charles the Second, happy are we,
That Britain’s Monarchy’s restor’d in thee;
If Cromwels life had put a period to't,
It’d both begun and ended in a Brute.
.pm end_poem
If they were pleas’d with the foregoing Characters,
this Fable thus moralized gave them
much more satisfaction, and highly contented
them; for the truth contained in it, was undeniable,
and it was expressed with much ingenuity,
and they told me that certainly he that
composed these two things, the Character and
Fable, was a person very ingenious, and able to
convert any that were seduced in that Faction,
unless they were very obstinate, as most of that
Faction were: for having been Rebellious to
their Prince, they made that saying true, That
Rebellion is as the sin of Witchcraft, not to be repented
of.
In this discourse of the several Factions in Religion
we spent some time; and the Drugster
being best acquainted with all of them, made a
discourse of every one in particular from top to
bottom: and when he came to speak of them,
he told us that he supposed there would now in
a short time be some end of these growing Factions;
Because, said he, that Quakerism is the
last that is risen up, and it is now above twelve
years since it began to be famous; and though
hitherto it encreases, yet they have not found
any other novelty from that, as at first there
.bn 329.png
.pn +1
was out of the first Religious faction: but there
is none that is produced by the Quaker; so
that it is hoped that will be the last of the Factions.
I have heard of one small Faction that
contradicts the Quakers, and that is one Muggeltons
Sect, who together with one Reeve, does pretend
to be the two last Witnesses that are to
come upon earth. Reeve is some time since dead,
but Muggleton surviving him, is a great enemy to
the Quakers, and their chief Opponent; for
they questioning his Call, he for that cause
Damns them; and so absolute he is, that he says,
after he hath damn’d them, they cannot be saved,
not by Providence it self. He professes in one
of his writings, being an Interpretation of the
11 Chapter of the Revelations, That he, and he
alone can give a true Interpretation of the Scripture,
and unfold the whole Counsel of God, concerning
himself, the Devil, and all Mankind
from the foundation of the world to all Eternity;
and this was never revealed by any of
the sons of men, untill now: Thus subscribing
his Papers, By Lodowick Muggleton, one of the
two last Commissionated Witnesses and Prophets
of the only High, Immortal, Glorious God, Christ
Jesus.
We told the Drugster that this Sect of Muggletons
we had not heard of; and I being very desirous
to be further acquainted with this opinion,
asked him if he had read his Writings, Yes, said
he, and there is as extraordinary matters and
opinions handled and treated of therein, as any
Sect that this last age hath produced: nay,
.bn 330.png
.pn +1
and more absolute he would make himself then
all others; but he more especially writes against
the Quakers, in a manner condemning them all
in general. I desiring to be more particularly informed
of his writings, he granted my request,
and proceeded as followeth:
This Book of his writing, said he, falling into
the hands of one Edward Bourn a Quaker, is by
him despised and cavilled at; for, he said that he
had perused it till he was weary with looking into
it, for it was one of the dirtiest and confusedst pieces
of work that ever he saw: and many other particular
cavils had he against it; which Muggleton
hearing of, is so much offended, that he writes a
Letter to him, dated in August 1662. and there
he thus concludes: I write these Lines unto you
Edward Bourn, knowing you to be of the seed of
the Serpent, and appointed to eternal Damnation
before you were born; though you know it not,
I do know it, by your speaking evil of that Doctrine
which is declared by us the Witnesses of the Spirit,
by calling it deceit, confusion, and lies, with many
more wicked speeches against the purest truth that
ever was declared by Prophet or Apostle, because
this is the Commission of the Spirit, and the last
Witness of God on Earth.
Therefore, for these your hard sayings against the
Doctrine of this Commission of the Spirit; In obedience
unto my Commission, I pronounce you cursed
and damned, both Soul and Body, from the presence
of God, elect men and Angels, to Eternity;
neither shall that light within you, nor any God
deliver you from this curse, but according to my
.bn 331.png
.pn +1
word it shall be upon you, because you shall know,
that God hath given power unto Man to curse you
to eternity, and that there is a Prophet of the
Lord now in England.
This Letter being thus subscribed, was printed
and sent to the said Edward Bourn. Also another
to one Samuel Hooker and W. S. both Quakers,
wherein amongst other things he thus
writes:
First, I declare as I am a Prophet and Messenger
of the true God, that the people called Quakers are
not the children of the most high God, but for the
generality of them, they are children of the Devil,
and are the very Seed of the Devil, and were begotten
by him; and I (as I am an Ambassador ordained
of God by voyce of Words) can as truely say; that
they are the Seed of the Serpent, and so the children
of the Devil, as Christ did to the Jews, when he said,
that they were Serpents, yea Devils, and the
Devil was their father. So can I say by you Quakers,
and many thousands more as well as you, that
you were the children of the Devil, that were begotten
by him, and not begotten by Adam, who never
came through the loyns of Adam, though they came
through the womb of Eve. For this I know, Cain
was the first-born of the Devil, and Adam had no
part in the begetting of him. And from this Cain
came the Jews that Christ called Serpents and Devils.
Much more he writes against the Quakers, and
is as absolute in his sentence of Damnation against
these two, being almost in the same words
as the former. His writings in general are filled
.bn 332.png
.pn +1
with many strange Opinions, and he is now the
greatest Enemy of the Quakers, telling them,
that they are but some of the melancholy sort
of Ranters, and by falling from Ranting to
Quaking, are now worse then before; for before
they were in the Wilderness, but are now returned
back into Egypt, and so the further off
from entring into the Land of Canaan: and in
one place he is pretty pleasant with the Quakers,
for saith he, The greatest things that ever
I heard the Quakers do, is to find fault with a
piece of Ribbon, Gold-button, or a Bandstring,
and such like, and to possess themselves with a
melancholly spirit of Witchcraft, and so fall into
Witchcraft-fits, to lie humming and groaning,
which doth fright the beholders; so instead of
those merry-Devils which they had upon the
Ranting-score, where all was good, lying with
their Neighbours wife, deflowring Virgins, cozening
and cheating, and destroying every one
in their outward Estate which did entertain
them, and now that Devil is cast out, now they
are grown in as much extream on the other side;
for now they are grown so precise and exact for
Apparel and for words, no words must be placed
out of joynt, so that no man can almost tell
how to deal with them; and this melancholly
Devil hath cast out the Ranting Devil, which
makes them so proud and stiff-necked, thinking
themselves that they are better then other people,
when as they are worse; for they are possessed
with the Spirit of Witchcraft, which
makes them two-fold more the children of the
.bn 333.png
.pn +1
Devil then they were before; which none can
discover but this Commission of the Spirit; neither
did I ever hear by any which heard the Quakers
speak, that they did ever preach any sound
Doctrine, but only exhort people to hearken to
the light within them, which is a very low & easie
thing for every ordinary understanding to comprehend;
and this is the cause there is such a multitude
of men and women fall into it, &c. And
thus did he proceed, his whole writing being to
pull them down, and set himself up.
Soon after the Printing of these Letters, I met
with a Quaker, an acquaintance of mine, and
asked of him whether he had seen these Letters of
Muggletons, which went by the name of The Neck
of the Quakers broken, or cut in sunder by the two-edg’d
sword of the Spirit, which is put into my
mouth. He reply’d, Yea he had. What thinkest
thou, said I, of those of your perswasion in general,
and more particularly of those persons
whom he hath damn’d? I think him to be a deluded
person, said he, for I have known him
long, and also his fellow Prophet Reeve, who is
since dead: and I remember this one passage,
that one of our perswasion did calmly discourse
with Reeve about many principal things of his
Judgement and Opinion: and though they did
not agree to every thing, yet Reeve said he believed
he would be converted, for that he was confident
he was of the seed of Faith, and not of
that of the Devil; onely that his eyes were not
yet opened, but in time they would. And thus
they parted.
.bn 334.png
.pn +1
Soon after Muggleton (who was always more
vigilant than Reeve) being affronted by some
Quakers, according to his custom pronounced
the sentence of damnation against them; which
the Quakers who had discoursed with Reeve hearing,
and meeting with Muggleton, told him he
had done very ill, in being so rash as to damn
them: And further, charged him with wandring
up and down to make Sects. To this Muggleton
replyed; It is not I, it is those of the Quakers
that wander up and down; as those that went
to New England, and John Perrot unto Rome,
to get the Pope and his Bishops to be Disciples of
Christ; and there to be punished in his body:
and when he came home again, to be damn’d
to eternity, by me, for his pains; because he
went by the light within him, and was not sent
by the voice of God without him: Therefore
eternal damnation will be his reward for going
without a Commission from God; and so will all
the Ministers of the Quakers. And whereas you
say that my mouth is full of cursing, and that I
shall reap of the same; likewise you say, that I
am out of Christs and the Apostles Doctrine, that
said, bless and curse not, with many other sayings:
As for my mouth being full of cursing, that is
my Commission: neither do I curse any but Devils,
which are appointed for it of God; and
there is never a one that I have cursed, that shall
escape that curse which I have denounced upon
them; neither will any God deliver them from
it: for I do curse none but the Seed of the Serpent,
who had his curse denounced upon him
.bn 335.png
.pn +1
and his Seed, at the beginning by God himself.
To this discourse of Muggletons, our Brother
the Quaker making some angry reply, in contradicting
what he had said, Muggleton did for that
cause presently pronounce the sentence of Damnation,
alledging that he was of the Seed of the
Devil. Thus, said the Quaker, though Reeve said
he was not of the Seed of the Devil; yet Muggleton,
his fellow-Prophet, said he was, and therefore
proceeded against him to damnation. Now
whether he be damned or saved, judge you: And
therefore, said he, I think it matters not much
what he says, because they thus contradict one
another.
And thus we parted, and I concluded, that as
it was no great matter what Muggleton said or
did; so there was no great heed to be taken with
what was, or should be said or done by the Quakers:
I believing and knowing that what Muggleton
had said of them as to their humours, and
falling from Ranting to Quaking, and such like
particulars, to be true; though I believed him,
and all other Factions to be alike deluded and
mistaken in the general.
And, continued he, though this Muggletons
opinions and Doctrine be thus strange, and he a
very inconsiderable unlearned fellow, being by
Profession a Taylor; yet he hath gained many to
his belief, who give him much respect; but he
takes no money of them, onely he gets his writings
printed, and distributing them among his
people, they pay him for them: but in the main,
he works at his Trade for a lively-hood: and he
.bn 336.png
.pn +1
hath, as well as the Quakers, suffered Imprisonment,
but hath been released and favoured, as I
have heard, by some persons of Honour, who are
well-willers to him.
Thus did the Drugster discourse of the Factions,
and we with him did hope and conclude, that since
there was no greater a growth in faction, there
having been no new ones for some years last past,
that it was more then probable that they would
consume and moulder away of themselves.
The forenoon being spent wholly in the large
Narrative of the Adventures of my now fellow-Companions
and Guests, and the most of the afternoon
in this Discourse, it was time now to
think of parting; and they being mindful of the
entertainment they were to give me the next day
on board of their Ship, being out of my house
furnished with some necessary provisions, all
parted from me.
.bn 337.png
.pn +1
.pb
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CHAP. XXXIII.
.pm start_summary
He is treated by the Travellers on board of their
Ship, where he sees the two women-Travellers:
he invites and entertains them at his house; where
upon enquiry and discourse, he discovers the two
Women to be of his acquaintance when in England.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
My Company being thus parted from me, I
began to consider all the passages that had
been this day related to me; and after a serious
contemplation of them, I concluded, that I
might place this day as the most remarkable in
all my life; for I was acquainted with so much
variety of experiences, as I had in a manner
been hitherto wholly ignorant of; what had
happened to me in the former part of my life,
having been trivial in comparison of what I had
now lately heard: and I concluded, that if I
should have travelled to all parts of the world
to have found out Companions fit for me, I
could never have been better accommodated
with those that should have been so agreeable
to my natural inclination, then those whom fortune
had now brought to me. I had long since
made it my resolve, to make my life as comfortable
as I could, according to the old saying amongst
those of my quality, Though a short life,
yet a merry: and I saw Providence had put such an
.bn 338.png
.pn +1
opportunity into my hands, that I had all things
provided for me, and nothing before their arrival
was wanting but such a Society. For I had
a plentiful estate, but that gave me little content,
being without the usual society of the Wits;
and I now was likely not only to enjoy that in a
full measure, but also there was some female
Company, the two Lasses in Mens apparel, who
I understood were good Girls, and such I hoped
as would not prove hard-hearted, and deny one
of their Country-men the usual civility of their
enjoyments: I did not much question it, because
indeed I was so much in favour with Venus, that
I was hardly ever refused that courtesie by any
of her Votaresses.
I told my wife, there was a great likelihood of
much profit to be gained by these Guests, who
were resolved to take up my house wholly for
their quarters, and therefore I ordered all
things to be provided in ample manner for their
constant entertainment: for though I was now
rich enough, yet I knew not how soon fortune
might turn tayl upon me, and therefore knowing
that my Guests were all well provided with
Moneys, I was resolved to put in with them for
a share of it: But I had no thoughts of wronging
them, or putting any trick upon them; for
it is accounted a very great crime in the greatest
proficient of Roguery, to cozen or cheat his fellow-Thief,
and a thing seldome done amongst
them. I had now some thoughts of leaving my
black wife and that Country; and when these
my new acquaintance should leave this place for
.bn 339.png
.pn +1
another, as I suppose they would, then to go
with them, for there was nothing there that
gave any great invitation to stay in it, my inclination
leading me rather to visit some European
Country.
These considerations took me up some time;
and night coming on, I betook me to my Cot,
where I took my ordinary repose; and the next
morning being come, I apparelled my self the
richest that I could, that I might add some grace
to my person, being to visit two of my Country-women,
in whose favour I was desirous to get
some place. Being thus accoutred, I went to
the Sea-side, and with the help of a Boat was
soon aboard the Ship; where I was welcomed
by the Captain and the rest of the Company,
and by them conducted into the great Cabin,
where was no other Company but the two Women;
who now being apparelled in their Womans
habit A la mode d’Anglois, I was very well
pleased, not having for a long time seen any
thing so acceptable and pleasant: I had not forgotten
our English Fashion of saluting them,
neither were they backward in rising and meeting
me in order thereto: that done, I placed my
self between them; I soon began a discourse to
them, which I knew would not at all be displeasing,
and that was commending their Beauties,
telling them, that if the present Emperour
of the Country, the Great Mogul, did but understand
what a treasure he had in his Country by
their arrival, that he would quickly secure it to
himself, and hinder the prosecution of their
.bn 340.png
.pn +1
Voyage any further. To this they reply’d,
that they did not believe he would see any thing
in them that should merit such an esteem: but
added one of them, If he should do so, and be
never so desirous of my Company, yet I am better
satisfied (in the Society that I am at present
in possession of) then if I were courted and served
by the greatest Prince upon Earth.
.sp 2
To this so generous speech, I repli’d, that
those persons who had the honour to be her servants
were in that very happy. These Complements
being pass’d, drink was brought, and after
that Victuals, which we had in great plenty,
there being no want of any thing that could be
had at the best mans table in England; and all
the dishes of Meat were dress’d in the English fashion,
by a Cook of that Country. After Dinner
we fell again to discourse, the Women being
very desirous of Novelties, and to be acquainted
with the Customs of the Country, especially
of those used by Women: but when I told
them of that Custom of the better sort of Country-women,
how they usually accompanied their
Husbands in death, by burning their living
with their Husbands dead bodies, they were not
very well pleased therewith, accounting it great
folly: for, said they, it cannot possibly do
their Husbands any good, and why they should
so destroy themselves out of a complement, was
foolish. To pass through, and accompany a
Husband or Friend whilst living in all dangers,
is what is befitting; but there being no remedy
.bn 341.png
.pn +1
for death, nor no present enjoyment after
death, thus to cast away themselves, is ridiculous.
We allowed of their Opinions, as grounded
upon reason: I asked them how they liked
our Men, the Inhabitants; Not at all, said one
of them, as a Husband or Bed-fellow, but if
there were no other man to be had, we must be
contented with them, rather than none, as well
as you are with the Native-women. Various
were our Discourses in which we entertained
one another with much pleasure, having a lusty
bowl of Punch still standing by us, which as we
drank off, we renewed, and at some of our frolicks,
one of the great Guns was discharged. I
had ey’d both these women very curiously, and
did imagine, that, I had formerly seen them, and
had some acquaintance with them. I knew one
of them more particularly by the tone of her
voice, but it having been so long since I had seen
either, I could not call them to mind; I did not
at all think it convenient to ask them any particular
questions, referring that to a greater privacy.
I being now acquainted with most of their
transactions, they asked my advice in disposing
their moneys, and selling their Commodities,
and what to buy to turn to the best advantage?
To all these Questions I gave them the best answers
I could, to their satisfaction; and now
night coming on, I desired to leave them, and
invited them all to my house the next day, they
not only concluded on that, but agreed that the
Women should constantly take my house for
.bn 342.png
.pn +1
their quarters, it being more convenient then
on board of the Ship, they coming in their mens
apparel, and I providing for them with all privacy;
to this I agreed, and after a fresh cup of Wine, and
my ordinary salutes to the women, I left them,
and went home to my wife, who at my desire provided
all things necessary, not only for the next
days entertainment, but for the future conveniency
of my lodgers, who were not to be known
to her for other than men.
The next day they came, and we were again all
merry; but some occasions calling away the men,
the women were left alone with me. I was now
resolv’d to enquire whether they had never known
me: they both replied, Not that they at present
knew of; but they both said, that certainly they
had seen me in England, but at present they could
not remember where: wherefore they prayed me
to give them some account of my condition and
quality when I lived in England: To this I repli’d,
that I had been indeed of all conditions,
and a very rambler, and it was a great chance,
but if they had been in any publique house of
Entertainment, that I might have seen them
there: to this they both answered, that they had
for some time been publique enough in entertaining
Gentleman in their Company with much freedom:
But, said one of them, who was the Scriveners
Mistress, I have certainly seen and known
you before I undertook any such courses, for if
I be not mistaken, you are the man did first deceive
me, and therefore, I pray, tell me, if in your
travels in England, you did not light into a Farmers
.bn 343.png
.pn +1
house, and did some kindnesses or discourtesies
to his Daughter, and then left her. I hearing
her say this, after some small pause, recollected
my self, and seriously viewing her, concluded
her to be the very Farmers Daughter whose
Maidenhead I had bereaved her of, and in requital
left her, and gave her no other satisfaction
then a paper of Verses. I now being resolv’d
in my opinion, ran to her, and embracing her,
begg’d pardon for that affront, telling her, that it
was onely one of those many youthful tricks
whereof I had been guilty. She at first out of
sence of the affront that I had done her, could
not forbear weeping; but I gave her so many
good words, that in fine she was well enough satisfied,
and lovingly permitted me to embrace and
kiss her.
The other woman hearing that my acquaintance
with her Companion began with the loss of her
Virginity, mused and blushed, and very strictly beholding
me, said, And truly, if I be not mistaken,
I purchased my acquaintance with you with
the same loss: but I was deceived by you in a
more subtil manner than this my Companion; for
she knowing you to be a man, permitted you to
her bed (as she hath formerly related to me.) But
if you are the person that I mean (as I now think
you are) you became my bedfellow by a mistake;
for not onely I, but many others of the Family
believed you to be a Woman. I hearing
her say this, fixed my eyes upon her, but could
not yet perfectly remember her: but to the discourse
.bn 344.png
.pn +1
she made, I gave this answer; Truly Madam,
I have been often guilty of Female frauds;
and during the whole course of my life, I endeavoured
chiefly to have the company of a
Female; and I hope if you were one of those
with whom I lay at a Boarding-school, where I
went for a Servant-Maid, that you will forgive
me that fact; for if it were not there, I then
cannot tell where I should have so much happiness
as to enjoy you. There it was, replyed
she, where I lost my Virginity and honour, and
which I have so often repented of; for I was
then well-beloved of an indulgent Father, who
for that fact cast me off; and ever since I have
been forced to wander like a Vagabond, and by
infamous courses to gain a livelyhood, and with
this she wept.
I was much amaz’d at these two adventures,
and indeed pittyed them both; but more especially
the last, whom I had so long since deceaved;
and seeing her tears, I kneel’d down
to her, begging her pardon, and telling her that
what was pass’d, was not to be prevented or
help’d; but if she pleas’d, I would for the future
be her humble servant in assisting her in
what I might. To this she told me, that she
knew there was no remedy for what was passed;
but that the remembrance of that first misfortune
could not but sensibly afflict her, but she
should throw off that sorrow, and make the best
of a bad matter; and thank providence, that
since it was no better that it was no worse: and
.bn 345.png
.pn +1
as she had hitherto been well enough contented
with her condition, so she intended to frame her
spirit and minde to be so for the future; and
that now she had the satisfaction she had often
desired in seeing that person, who first tasted and
crop’d her Virgin-Flower. Her Companion did
likewise say, that it was the greatest satisfaction
she had ever received since the loss of
my company, that she had again found me; for
(notwithstanding my base and abrupt leaving
her) she had still preserved a more cordial love
for me, then for any person she had ever since
then enjoy’d: The other said the same, and
though I was partly unknown to her, when I
lay with her, as being disguised in womans apparel;
yet she still had me in her memory, and
often wished for the sight of me: And from
this discourse we all concluded, that though a
woman had many Husbands or Servants, yet
she seldom loved any man with so much affection,
as him with whom she first tryed and tasted
the effects of love, and who had her Virginity.
Well Ladies, said I, I am so much bound to
you for preserving an affection for me, who have
so unworthily deserved it, That I shall dedicate
the remaining part of my life, wholly to
obey and serve you. As for that profession of
your love now, said the Drugsters Mistress, (who
was the youngest, and her, who I had enjoy’d
at the Boarding-school) it matters not much,
for we have had experience enough in the
.bn 346.png
.pn +1
World to shift for our selves; and neither are we
unprovided of those who you know are our servants,
and who will take care for us, and save you
that trouble. No trouble at all, replyed I, but an
honour which I pray you to bestow on me to serve
you in any degree.
They were very much surpriz’d, and so was I at
this adventure: And I thought it was best to talk
no more of it at present: wherefore I call’d for some
Wine, and such banqueting cheer as I had, and
desired them to participate of it, which they did;
and so I at present diverted them from that profound
melancholy, wherein they were brought upon this
occasion. At length they again reassumed their jovial
temper; and beginning to be a little frollick,
I assisted them in that humour: but I was very
earnest to know their adventures, being, as I supposed
somewhat concerned therein, they being both
with Child by me when I left them; I therefore
beg’d the satisfaction to know what did become of
the Fruit of our enjoyments, those Children which
I suppose they had by me; for I told them I was
not unsensible of the condition I left them in, when
I parted from them. Truly, reply’d the Drugsters
Mistress, who was named Mary, I know not at
all what became of mine since it was born. And,
said the other, who was the Scriveners Mistress, and
was named Dorothy, and had been the Farmers
Daughter, I know but little of mine since it was a
year old. I was desirous to hear of both of them
their several fortunes, or rather misfortunes since
I first knew them; and they agreeing to give me that
.bn 347.png
.pn +1
satisfaction, it was concluded that Mrs. Mary,
with whom I had first to do, should first relate her
story: and therefore she began as followeth.
.pb
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CHAP. XXXIV.
.pm start_summary
Mrs. Mary relates how that she, being got with
Child at the Boarding-school, is renounced by
her Parents, but provided for her by her Aunt,
where she lay in of a Daughter: after which she is
courted in way of marriage by a Gentleman, who
hearing of her mischance, instead of marriage
onely abuses her; and being ingaged in a quarrel
about her, leaves her to shift for her self,
&c.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
In the discourse that I shall make to you concerning
those accidents or misfortunes that have
befallen me, I shall neither be reserved nor tedious,
but plain and short; for I have no reason to disguise
any of my actions to two such persons, who are so
generally well acquainted with the general affairs of
the World, and who have such a particular knowledge
of me: Though, said she to me, I must needs
confess I received very much pleasure in the first
imbraces I had with you; when, though I supposed
my self in bed with one of my own Sex, yet I
found the contrary, and then tasted the pleasures
of a Male bedfellow: though, said I, the
sweets of that converse were delightful at present;
.bn 348.png
.pn +1
yet I have through that onely occasion suffered
many crosses, and been accompanied with much
affliction and trouble, which soon overtook me.
I was very young, not being above sixteen
years of age when I first lay with you; and so
innocent I was at that age, that I did not imagine
that I should have found so sudden an alteration
in my body, as was thereby occasioned;
neither did I conceive what would be the effects
thereof, till some of my other companions, who
had lain with you before me, were discovered to
be sick, and the occasion of their distemper being
enquired into, it was found they were with
Child, and then I did guess my self to be in the
same condition.
I suppose you are not ignorant of what you
had done, and therefore took your flight; but
though you contrived your escape cunningly
enough by putting on mens apparel, yet it was
observed, and you were followed so narrowly,
that we supposed you had been taken, but it
proved otherwise. Yes, replied I, when I made
my escape, I made for London, and being habited
in a suit of Clothes of my Mistresses sons, I
was fearful of being discovered and known by
them, and therefore meeting with a young man
of my acquaintance: I remember, I perswaded
him to exchange Clothes with me, and so I escaped;
but I would gladly know how he came off.
Truely, replied Mrs. Mary, that story was somewhat
strange, for the Constable who seized him,
had orders not to make much noise in the matter,
.bn 349.png
.pn +1
but only to secure him at present in his
own house, which he having done, came to our
Boarding-School, and acquainted our Mistress that
he had secured the party; this being known, my
Mistress sent her son whose Clothes were stollen to
the place; where in stead of finding our maid Jane
(for by that name, I remember you went, when
you lived with us) he saw a strange young man in
his Clothes, though he was told before you had
his Clothes on, which he yet saw before him, yet
he knew you well enough, not to be so mistaken:
for the party that was in that habit was nothing
like you; he therefore thought that all that had
been reported to him was false, till he had made
a further enquiry of the young man your friend,
who was first asked, where he had those Clothes:
he not knowing any reason he should deny any
thing of the truth, freely and fully acknowledged
that he had them in exchange of his own, of
a young man his friend; and being asked many
other questions, As whether he knew you? and
knew you to be a man? and where this exchange
was made? He fully resolved his Examiners of
all questions, and proved the exchange of Clothes
by the people of the house where the exchange
was made.
My Mistresses son being returned with this answer
to his Mother, it caused great wonder in
all who were not privy to your disguize, but
there being about seven or eight of us, who were
knowing of that secret, and were known to lie
with you, we were all privately examined, and
.bn 350.png
.pn +1
some of us having been sick for some time before,
and now strictly examined of the cause, and whether
we knew any thing of your disguize, and whether
you were man or woman; we could not hide
or deny our knowledge thereof. Upon this discovery,
our Mistress (though she was termed a
very discreet person) was so outragious, that we
thought she would have lost the ordinary use of her
Sences; and several revenges she propounded to
take of you, not thinking you were escaped her
power: but when she understood that you were
gone, she caused all privy search and enquiry to
be made after you, but to no purpose. The young
man, your friend, who had been secured, was discharged,
as being found wholly innocent of the
crime; and neither was he deprived of his Clothes,
but had them freely given to him, and a good
sum of money promised him if he could find and
secure you: but though much endeavour was
used to find you, yet I could never hear any thing
of you, till this late encounter.
But to proceed in my story, our Mistress upon
second thoughts resolved to keep this business
private for some longer time, to see how many
of those seven or eight with whom you had lain,
would prove with child; and it was not long
before she found that five of the number were
pregnant, whereof I was one. How she ordered
the matter with the rest, I know not; but for my
own part, my father being made acquainted
with my misfortune, wholly refused to take
any care or notice of me; neither have I ever
.bn 351.png
.pn +1
since seen his face; for though I suppose he loved
me well enough; yet I had a Mother-in-law, who
might perswade him to slight me, and made use of
this occasion to throw me off: but though I was
thus cast off by my father, yet I had an Aunt, who
was sister to my own mother, who came and visited
me; and finding that what was pass’d could not
be help’d, took me home with her to her house,
where after the usual time of Womens breeding
and bearing children, I was delivered of a Daughter,
which was soon after its birth sent further
into the Country to be nursed: and I suppose it
was carried thus privately, in hopes to soulder up
the crack that might be in my reputation, which
though it did for the present, yet it soon after
brake out again.
For a young Gentleman who lived in the next
Town to that where my Aunt dwelt, having
seen me, fell deeply in love with me, and often
waited on me at my Aunts, and took many opportunites
of meeting me abroad. Though I
liked and loved him well enough, and could have
been pleased to have entertained his love with
liking at the first offer of it, yet I was commanded
by my Aunt to stand off, and be coy in my
entertaining of him, lest, as she said, he might
by my freeness suspect me of lightness: for the
matter had been so privately carried in my lying
in, that it was not known to him, nor any,
but some few in the House; and to all others I
passed as a Virgin. I taking this advice of my
Aunt, gave him but indifferent entertainment;
.bn 352.png
.pn +1
so that he who was passionately in love with me,
devised all ways he could to woe, please and win
me; and to that end he not only presented me
with many Gifts, as marks of his affection, but
also (according to custom) and that so largely,
that she promised him all her assistance, and gave
him notice of all opportunities whereby he might
wait on me, and please me. All things were now
brought to a very good pass, and my Aunt
had so prudently managed this affair, that my
Father was content to part from a considerable
sum of money for my advancement; which was
to the full satisfaction of the Gentleman who
courted me.
There wanted nothing now to conclude this affair
but the accomplishment of a few days, in which
all Writings were to be sealed, and the Wedding
to be consummated; when all was undone, and in
that I undone, by the treachery and perfidiousness
of this my servant-maid. For she having received
Gifts of the young Gentleman, and I having angred
her in a trivial matter, she to be revenged on
me, did acquaint my Suitor with my condition,
and that I should not die of my first child, for he
should be a father the first day of Marriage. Although
at her first declaring this matter to him, he
could not give credit thereto, yet she affirmed
the same with so many, and so earnest asseverations,
that he was confirmed in that belief, and
therefore enjoyning her to secresie and assistance,
and to that end presenting her with somewhat
that was considerable, he left her; and now
.bn 353.png
.pn +1
being resolved to deceive me as I intended him;
he ordered his affairs accordingly, and to that
end he caused some delay to be used in the
Writings.
We being now, as I thought, as good as man
and Wife, I entertained him with much freedom,
and he courted me with less observance, coming
now closer to me in his salutes and embraces: I
was so pleased with him in all his actions, that I
became wholly at his Devotion, and therefore
without the consent and knowledge of my Aunt,
we went together out of the Town to a merry-making
of several of his Acquaintance, where we
stay’d somewhat late, and he having caused me
to drink to a good height, made a halt by the
way, and we went into an Inn of his Acquaintance,
he pretending somewhat was amiss in one
of his Horses shoes: here we having privacy, he
attempted to be more free with me then ever,
and prevailed so far with me, that he had the
examining of my Plackett, with more freedom
then modesty would allow of; but though he
would have proceeded further, yet I refused it;
he seeing this desisted, and we again remounted
our Horses, and he conducted me safely to my
Aunts: but although it was very late, yet she sat
up, and expected me; and expressed her self very
angry with him for keeping me out so unseasonably;
he did not well rellish her words, but reply’d
somewhat tartly to her again; which encreased
her anger, and raised it to some passion,
and so in anger they at that time parted, he riding
home to his own house. I was likewise sufficiently
.bn 354.png
.pn +1
school’d by my Aunt; but I excused all
with soft answers, and pleading obedience, which
I thought I was bound to pay him, being our
Marriage was so soon to be celebrated.
My Lover was resolved to make use of that
days experience of my easiness, and my Aunts
anger, which he was well enough pleased should
continue, and therefore forbore coming to visit
me; but he sent a messenger to my Maid (who
had betray’d me) to give him a meeting: she
obeyed his summons, and there, and then was
my ruine contrived; for it was agreed between
them two, that she should perswade me to be
ruled by him in every thing, without acquainting
my Aunt any more with my proceedings; and
a Letter was written, wherein he expressed a continuance
of his love, and desires of mine; and for
a proof thereof, he desired me to provide my self
to meet him at a place appointed; which I did,
and there we concluded to go for London together,
where he promised to marry me without any
more delays. I believing him in every thing
(being perswaded thereto by my treacherous servant)
took onely some few necessaries with me,
and so went to him. And thus leaving all, went
with him to London, where when we were arrived,
he went to some lodgings which he had provided,
as he said, for himself and wife. I was at first
contented with the discourse and name of wife;
but when bed-time came, I was not fully satisfied
to go to bed with him; which though I at
first opposed, yet in the end, after many protestations
.bn 355.png
.pn +1
of his next days performance of marriage,
I consented to, and thereby agreed to my undoing;
for the next day, instead of marriage, he
went out in the morning, leaving me onely with
the Landlady of the house, and returned not in
two days; and then he pretended he had been
in great vexation, for that the morning he left
me, he being going to speak with a Priest to marry
us, he was met with by a person, to whom he
was a little indebted, who basely trappan’d and
arrested him, and he was forced to be in the custody
of Bayliffs ever since, till he had perswaded a
friend to lend him some monies, which together
with what he had of his own, he said he had
paid to his debtor, and so was discharged. And
now, said he to me, I have sent home for some
more monies, which I know will be brought me
in two days time, and then I shall put an end to
this business of our marriage.
Although I seemed discontented with what he
told me, and did begin to believe that he would
abuse me; yet I knew it was to no purpose to be
very angry, and onely caused him to give me
fresh protestations of the honesty of his intentions,
and that as soon as ever his money was come, he
would fulfil all my desires.
Thus was I forced to be contented with what
he said, and to comply with him in all his desires:
for we lay together; but I kept within
doors very privately, refusing to be seen by
any body, till such time as our Wedding should
be over.
.bn 356.png
.pn +1
But though two or three days and a week was
now past since he pretended he had sent into the
Country for money, yet there came no returns;
at which I was very much discontented, he also
seeming dissatisfyed. I then told him, that I had
brought a small sum of money with me, which
I supposed would be sufficient to pay the charges
of that occasion. He asked me how much I
had, I told him about 10l. I remember he was
somewhat blanck, and at a nonpluss at this proposition:
but he soon recovering himself, told me
that he expected 100l. to be brought him, and
that would be little enough to defray all the charge
he intended to be at; for he proposed to lay
it all out in Clothes for me and himself, that we
might appear the more splendidly, not only to
some friends in London, whom he proposed to
visit soon after marriage, but also in the Country
whither he intended in short time to return
to demand my portion, and settle all things according
to the agreement of our friends: and
as for the small sum of 10l. he told me I would
have occasion to lay it out in trivial things on
that occasion.
Thus was I put off at this time; and indeed
so often afterwards, that I in plain terms told
him that I supposed he intended to abuse me,
he being resolved to stand the brunt of all my
exclamations at this time, did not endeavour,
as formerly to pacifie me, but rather provoked
me to say more, and be more angry with
him, which I was, and reproached him with
.bn 357.png
.pn +1
the abuse he had done me. He having heard the
utmost of what I could say, in short told me, that
he was the abused party; for should he marry
me, as he intended, he should have a greater
charge to maintain then I had told him of, for
he had understood that I was Mother of a Childe;
and so the abuse that I would put on him was
double: I was so surprised with what he said, that
I was more dead then alive, and could not for a
long time speak to him? and when I attempted
it, I knew not what to say for my self, for he
directly told me, that he was acquainted with
every particular of that my misfortune: and thus
having said, he left me.
Many and sad were the thoughts I entertained
in my minde, and I perceived my self to be miserable:
for to return to my Aunt, I knew it
would be to no purpose, I having thus abused
her in my last leaving her. Therefore I concluded
it was my best course at present to comply with
the desires of my first Lover, not knowing whom
to flee to for refuge; wherefore at his return
home, I began to him in tears to lament my sad
condition, begging his pardon for what was past,
cleerly confessing the truth of all my former
misfortune, and that I would for the future be
very obedient and constant to him in all things:
he gave me the hearing of what I said, and told
me all should be well; but I could never finde
him after that inclinable to marry me, onely
putting me off with one pretence or other; and
having a full enjoyment of me already, cared
for no more: and now to content and please
.bn 358.png
.pn +1
him, I must not only entertain several of his
friends at home at our lodging, but also wait on
him abroad; and instead of Wife, I passed for his
Cozen.
Amongst other persons that came to visit him,
there was a Gentleman of good quality, who
being of his intimate Acquaintance, was frequent
at our Lodgings: he taking his opportunity to
find me alone, made a tender of his love and service
to me, and offered me his assistance in every
thing I should command him. I finding that he
understood somewhat of my condition already,
and believing it would be to no purpose to conceal
any thing from him, did make him an exact
and true narrative of my misfortunes: he was
much troubled at the recital of things so strange,
but did comfort me the best he could, promising
me his best assistance in putting his friend on to
perform his promisie of Marriage: for, said he,
I know little reason he hath to deny or refuse it.
For your first misfortune at the Boarding-School,
was so subtil a business, that you cannot well be
blamed for it.
This Gentleman accordingly did endeavour to
possess my hoped for Husband with that opinion,
and to perswade him to marry me, but all in
vain; for he had now all the sweets he could
expect from me, having lain with me now for
above a moneth together, and in that time I
endeavoured with all the artifice I could, to give
him all possible content: but he was now cloy’d;
and therefore told his friend, that for his Mistress
.bn 359.png
.pn +1
he intended to keep me, but never to
have me for a Wife. I was neer distracted when
this answer was told me; but the Gentleman
did again comfort me, promising that he hoped
in short time to put all things to rights again.
I seeing it was to no purpose to be angry, resolved
to bear all things with patience, and seem
to be frolick, which was to a good height; and
this Gentleman seeing me in so merry a humor,
was desirous to put in for a share in the pleasure
of my enjoyments, and to that end now courted
me indeed: he had been so civil to me in
these late transactions, that I could not handsomely
refuse him any thing; but however,
I for some time held out against all his loving
importunities; but he having an absolute freedome
in our lodging, so waited his opportunity,
that he won me to his embraces, and had a
full possession of me. Thus was I enjoyed by two
men; but my last lover was very cautious in
keeping this his enjoyment from the knowledge
of his friend, and we took opportunities in his
absence to renew our pleasures. But at length we
grew so bold in these practices, that my first
Lover discovered us, and watching his opportunity
by hiding himself in the Chamber, he
took us in the manner. He discovering himself,
used many outragious speeches to me and my
Companion, as, that he abused him, in perswading
and urging him to marry with one who
was his prostitute: the other flew out into high
expressions; and being valorous enough, they
.bn 360.png
.pn +1
drew their weapons, and before I could get any
to interpose and hinder their fight, my new Lover
was wounded, and that, so desperately, that
he fell; the other seeing that, and supposing him
killed, fled, and so left me: and my wounded
friend being visited by Chirurgeons, recovered a
little, but desired to be removed to his own
Lodgings, lest he might be prejudiced by the various
reports that would run upon this occasion;
I was likewise willing to have it so, as thinking
it most convenient.
Thus was I left alone, and I, who lately had two
Lovers and Servants, was now left without any;
for my old Friend came no more after me, and
my new Servant who was wounded, was forced
for his health-sake to be carried into the Country.
Now did I find my self truly distressed, for I
wholly retired my self, not seeing any man, and
was only accompanied by my Landlady, and another
antient woman who frequented her house.
In vain did I expect the return of either of my
Lovers, and almost all my Moneys was gone, in
Diet, and for payment of Lodging. My Landlady
proposed several ways and courses for me to take,
as to send to my first friend who brought me thither,
which I did, but could not hear of him; she
would have had me send to my Aunt, but I
wholly refused so to do, being resolved to bear
with any necessities, rather then again to apply
my self to her.
The other old woman, who, I told you, frequented
our house, did then put in some words
.bn 361.png
.pn +1
to the Discourse, and my Landlady leaving us
together, she told me, that if I would be ruled
by her, she would so order matters, that I should
want for nothing, and live the most pleasantest
life in the World. I who was now miserable
enough, was well enough pleased to hear of pleasure,
and bid her say on: She thereupon told me,
that it was great pity that so delicate a beauty
as mine should be closeted up, and that I
should spend that time in tears and lamentations,
which might not only be a pleasure to my self,
but many others who would love me with a great
deal of passion; and whereas hitherto I had only
been reserved to serve the pleasures of one man,
or two at the most, and for that I had only reap’d
sorrow and trouble, that I might command many,
who would, not only please and serve me, but I
should command their purses by having money
enough at my own dispose. Many words to this
purpose she uttered, and many Arguments she
used. Though at the first I did not understand what
she aimed at, yet by several Questions, which she
answered me, I found she would have me prostitute
my body for my pleasure, and to gain a
livelyhood; and in fine, should get my living with
the hands I sat on.
Though I had tasted man, as first with you,
and afterwards had two at a time, my two late
Lovers, and by that was induced to desire more
of the same pleasures, yet I was extreamly unwilling
to prostitute my body to every fellow
that should bring money in his hand; and this
.bn 362.png
.pn +1
I supposed I must do, if once I undertook that
course. Thus I reasoned with this old woman,
but she told me, No, I should not do so, for I
should only have my choice of what, and whom
I liked, and few of such would be profitable
enough to maintain me in a splendid Garb; and
to this she gave me so many reasons; that I consenting
to leave my Lodgings, went with her to
the place where she conducted me.
.bn 363.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXV.
.pm start_summary
She gives an account of her being entred into a
Bawdy-house, where she received great profit by
the sale of her Maidenhead.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I being now come to the place intended, was
entertained by a Grave ancient Matron, in
whose face might be seen the ruines of no common
beauty; and the defects of that being occasioned
by age, was sufficiently supplied in a deportment
and garb that was not common, though
it were very pleasant. She gave me many welcomes,
and told me that she had a very great respect
for me, having heard of my misfortunes,
and hoping that she might put an end to my sorrows,
and afford me fresh pleasures: she had to
that end employed that antient woman as her
Messenger, to perswade me to leave that house of
Mourning wherein I was, for hers, which was a
Pallace, nay, a Paradice of pleasure, wherein I
should be accompanied with all manner of contentment.
I told her I should be willingly obedient
to her commands, in expectation of those pleasures
she promised. Several other Discourses we
had, whereby she gave me instructions how to
behave my self; and, said she, since you intend
to make one of my family, I shall give you an
account of my manner and method in governing
the same.
My house; continued she, being frequented
by persons of all Qualities, it is therefore necessary
.bn 364.png
.pn +1
that I should be furnished with women, who
should be proper and fit for their respective accommodations,
for the Servants and Pages must
be sometimes served as well as their Masters; I
therefore distinguish those women that belong
unto me into three several sorts and distinctions;
and because I intend to make use of you only in
the first and principal, I shall therefore be more
particular in my Discourse to you of that.
You are therefore to know, that as my house
is well enough furnished with women to accommodate
my ordinary Guests, so I have several who
are kept abroad, who serve for the extraordinary
accommodation of my best sort of Guests, and
those are such as are so squeamish stomacked, that
will not see one face above two or three times;
with these a Maidenhead is a very great dainty,
for they lay out with me for one, sometimes a
quarter or half a year together. Now though I
know you have parted from yours already, yet I
question not but to make a good Merchandize of
yours, and get a good round sum of money for
you and my self; and if you will be ruled by me
in every thing, I shall so manage the business,
that you shall not have to do with above two or
three in a twelve moneths time, and they shall
be such, as shall not only maintain you in a brave
garb and equipage, but you shall gain many Jewels,
and a good round sum of money. To this
Discourse I replied, that I hoped she would perform
what she said, and in expectation thereof,
I should dispose my self to be wholly directed by
her.
.bn 365.png
.pn +1
This I remember was our first Discourse, or to this
purpose, and she presently ordered me a Lodging
within a few doors of her house, where I had such
another as my self for my Companion, and we were
very well accommodated with every thing; my habit
was somewhat altered, for I was now put into the
most exact mode that was then in best esteem. According
to her Directions I carried my self in every
thing; and once a day I waited on her, or else she
came to me. I had not been there many days before
she told me that there was an opportunity to begin
my business, and therefore she advised me to go the
next day to a Play; and set my self out in the best
manner that I could; but she advised me by all means
to decline drinking, or entertaining any Discourse
with any person, though I should be importuned
thereto, I promised obedience to her commands;
and my Companion, who was my Bed-fellow, attended
me to the Play-house, where by giving great
attention to the Comedy that was acted, I did not
mind those who made it their chief business to gaze
on me. The Play being done, I went out, but was
stayed by two Gentlemen (who by their Habits
seemed of quality) who offered me their service to
wait on me. I at first answered them with silence;
but they seeing I had no other Company but my
Bed-fellow, were very importunate to have me
accept of theirs. I told them that they were strangers,
and therefore durst not admit of their kind
offer: Having said thus, I called for a Coach, and
though they still importuned me to accept of their
Company, yet I absolutely refused it, and so
.bn 366.png
.pn +1
caused the Coachman to drive home. That evening
was I visited by our Matrona, who told me, I had
done well, for she had an account given her of my
deportment: for, said she, it is not unknown to
me that you were offered the service of two Gentlemen,
one of which is a person who is a retainer
to my house, an old beaten Souldier, and several
such we are forced to keep correspondency withal,
that we may have new fresh guests brought to
our house. The other Gentleman, said she, is one
who hath a long time laid out for a fresh bit, and
he was carried to the Playhouse on purpose to see
you; whom I gave my correspondent his companion
so just an account of, that he could not miss
knowing of you: they both followed your Coach
to your Lodgings, and have since been at mine,
and my young Coxcomb is very much smitten
with your beauty, and offers any thing that he
may enjoy your Company. I have promised him
my assistance, but he must come off well first;
and I question not but to manage him so, as in
few days you shall find the effects of his love
in some noble present, therefore, said she, fail
not to be directed by me, and I doubt not but
you will reap much pleasure and profit. I having
promised a just compliance to her desires, she departed,
leaving me in the company of her Bed-fellow,
who that night entertained me with a large
account of her Aduentures.
I remember she told me that when she first came
acquainted with our Matrona, she was pick’d up
almost in the same manner as I had been; and that
in less then two monthes her Maidenhead was
.bn 367.png
.pn +1
sold six times, for which she had gained in presents
to the value of fifty pounds; and I suppose,
said he, our Matrona gained above as much more
in mony: since then, said she, my first Customers
have but rarely visited me; and she having no
more Customers for my Maidenhead, I now pass
for a Merchants wife, and am often sent for in
that name; and I seldome miss a day without
one or two Customers, who entertain me as such
a person. She being thus free with me, I thought
good to ask her some more Questions, as, how she
paid for her Diet and Lodging? and from whence
she had Clothes? To this she answered, that for
the first half year her Diet was paid for by the
Matrona, who indeed had all the Money that was
gained by her; and as for Clothes, she had them
first of all lent, or given by her, and since given
her by those who had to deal with her: and now,
said she, I pay for my own Diet, and have all the
Money that is given me, and all the profit she
hath, is in selling her Wine and other things she
vendeth at our Collations; and now and then I
suppose she gets half a piece or a piece of a new
Customer by procuring me.
I was somewhat satisfied with this Discourse,
and the next day I was visited by the old woman
(who brought me first acquainted with our Matrona)
who brought me a Letter from my Amorous
Gallant; I remember it was stuffed with Complements,
and all the happiness he desired, was
to see me once more at the Playhouse. In this
affair I taking advice with our Matrona, it was
resolved I should return no answer; but however,
.bn 368.png
.pn +1
within two days, I again went to the Playhouse,
where I was no sooner seated, but I was attended
by my Gallant, and now I could not decline his
Company: during the Play he treated me with
all manner of fruits, and such things as could be
purchased there; and the Play being done, he
offered me a farther treat at some other place; but
I refused that, as also any further converse with
him, and again calling for a Coach, I went home,
refusing his Company, and being very shye and
coy to all his Proposals, which though many, yet
prevailed not all upon me.
The next day I had another Letter sent me, as
also a Diamond-Ring of twenty pound price as a
present; I accepted of both, and then promised
within two days to meet him again at the Playhouse,
where my Gallant came richly accoutred
in all his bravery, I then entertained discourse
with him, and the Play being ended, I at his
earnest importunity accepted of a Treat he quickly
provided for me at the next Tavern. I then told
him, that I durst not stay, for I expected my Unkle
to come and visit me that evening at my Lodging,
who was to bring me news out of the Country
about my father: he being desirous to please me,
contented to my departure, I promising to give
him another meeting at a place we appointed the
next day, and thus we again parted. I was now so
far engaged with him; that I the next day again
met him, and he then courted me for enjoyment;
but I seeming very angry, he to pacifie me, gave
me a gold Watch, and then I permitted him to
embrace and kiss me; and though I contradicted
.bn 369.png
.pn +1
his proceeding further with me, yet he
found by me, that in time he might arrive to it.
In this apprehension he was very prodigal in his
promises, and what great things he would do, if I
would permit him so great a happiness, he oftentimes
wishing himself a single-man (for he was
married) that he might make himself happy in
so brave a Wife, as he knew I would be. These
Discourses and others which he used, and those
many strict embraces which he gave me, did
somewhat move me with the titillations of the
flesh; and I had much ado to continue inexorable:
but remembring how I had been deceived
formerly, and withal knowing that I had not our
Matrona’s order as yet for fruition, I therefore
contradicted my own thoughts and wanton desires,
and refused to let him proceed to any other
satisfaction then what he could get by kissing and
embracing me, and handling my brests and neck;
and so we again parted, I being still attended by
my Bedfellow.
We were no sooner come home, but she was
sent for by our Matrona, to whom she gave an
account of our actions: but that was not all her
business, for when she returned home, and we
were in bed together, she told me that she had
been at the sport with a brave Gallant, with whom
she had received great pleasure, for he was newly
come to Town, and willing enough to have continued
the sport longer, but that it was late, and
therefore they had referred a continuance of the
pleasures to the next day; and that she had not
only pleasure, but profit, for he had given her
three Crowns, and promised to be more beneficial
to her during his stay in London.
.bn 370.png
.pn +1
This Discourse of hers, the remembrance of
what she had been at, and what I might have received
if I would, did very much fire me, and I
then took up a resolve not much longer to delay
those pleasures I had now so long been without;
and thereupon being visited the next day by my
Servant (and having the permission of my Matrona
so to do) I entertained him with somewhat
more freedom then formerly, and went with him
to the house of our Matrona, as if a great stranger
there; and now was I doubly courted, not only
by him, but her; so that I permitted him enjoyment,
and he so well pleased me, that at his further
earnest importunity I consented to lie with
him all night, where I satisfied him and my self
in all those amorous sweets that two willing
Lovers could receive or give.
Whilst I was thus occupied at our Matrona’s
house, my Bedfellow was not idle; for she understanding
my place would be void, was resolved to
have it supplied, and therefore summoned her
Country Gentleman, who very readily attended
her, and for that night was her Bed-fellow. He
was so pleased with her Company in the night,
that he desired it the next day at a frolick at a
Tavern. She accordingly attended him, where a
plentiful Dinner was provided, there being four or
five Gentlemen, and two Women besides her self.
Dinner being ended, and some quantity of Wine
drank off, they all began to be merry, and therefore
a noise of Fidlers were call’d, and they all fell
to singing and dancing, in which they spent some
time; and the other two women being likewise
Ladies of the right stamp, they did by turns leave
the rest of the Company, and retire by Couples
.bn 371.png
.pn +1
into a private Room, where they had the conveniency
of a Bed, and thus they spent most part of
the Day. Night drawing on, reckoning was call’d
for; but it being a large one, all the Gentlemen
were dissatisfied, not being willing to pay so dear
for their pleasure, and to have such sour sawce to
their sweet meat: the Fidlers being paid, they
resolv’d to put a trick upon the Vintner for his
reckoning. The Fidlers now playing their last
Lesson, the Gentlemen one after another made
their several exits, leaving the three women to pay
the score; who for some time waited the return
of the Gentlemen with money, but in vain. The
Master of the house understanding how he was
likely to be serv’d, came up to the Women, and
gave them such a lesson as made them sing lachrimæ:
they made many Apologies and excuses,
but in vain, mony or a sufficient pawn he would
have before they went. They considering the
necessity of the business, resolved to leave some
of their Rings and such-like Moveables for their
enlargement. Agreeing on the manner, they
were now considering the matter, what, & how
much should be left, when two or three men entred
the Room, and bluntly asked for the Women,
naming them by their several names. Not only
they, but the Master of the house was of opinion,
that they were come with Mony to redeem them;
but their Errand prov’d not so pleasant to the
Vintner: for these men declar’d themselves to be
Bayliffs, and their business was to arrest the three
Women at several actions, and to that end produced
their Warrant. The Women were much
troubled, and began to exclaim that they owed
no such sums; but the officers who were not to
.bn 372.png
.pn +1
be baffled, told them, they were their Prisoners,
and must along with them. The Vintner now
put in, and demanded satisfaction, and would
have the women leave some pawn for the Reckoning;
but the Officers told them, that they had
best keep what they had for occasion for it upon
which they might have account of the Arrest;
and for the Reckoning, the Vintner must take
his course at Law. The Vintner for some time
opposed the officers, and said he would be paid
first and although a Constable was sent for, yet
to no purpose, for the Warrant being produc’d,
they were permitted to march off with their Prisoners;
and a Coach being call’d for they all
crowded into it, ordering the Coachman to drive
towards the Gaol.
The Women used many arguments to the
Bayliffs, who now having done their business,
seemed only at the request of the Women, to attend
them to a Tavern, whither the Coachman
had orders to drive, and there they were conducted
into a Room, where in stead of Bayliffs,
and a Prison, they had the Company of their day
Companions, who now kindly welcom’d them,
and acquainted them of their frollick, and how
all this was only designed to cheat the Vintner
of his Reckoning, who had formerly put tricks
upon them. All parties being now well pleased,
they spent that night in the Tavern together, and
my companion coming home the next day, acquainted
me with this Story.
.bn 373.png
.pn +1
.pb
.if h
.il fn=i_b_074.jpg w=500px ew=90%
.if-
.if t
.hr 90%
.if-
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXVI.
.pm start_summary
In prosecution of her Extravagancies, she comes
acquainted with a young Gentleman, with whom
she acts several frolicks, occasioned by seeing
Playes acted.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
This, continued Mrs. Mary was my beginning,
or entrance into my publick profession,
and indeed, I cannot well call it publick, for
I was private and reserved: not admitting any
more servants but this one, in one moneth; and
indeed, in the first half year, I had but three, but
they were so bountiful, that I had wherewithal to
satisfie my self in every thing: having in Jewels,
and other presents to the value of 100l. Neither
had I any thing to pay for diet, or lodging, the
charge of that being always born by our Matrona,
who I found had gained above 60l. in mony,
for procuration, and assistance in winning me;
besides, a great deal more mony spent at her
house in Collations, & entertainments for me,
which were very frequent and costly. The trade
for Maiden-heads falling, the price being so great,
I was now forced to fight under another Banner,
and though I did not pass for a maid; yet I was
accounted in the next degree, for I passed as the
Mistress, or Lady of Pleasure, of a Person of Quality,
who kept me as a great rarity for his own
dyet; and indeed I did not much deceive my
.bn 374.png
.pn +1
first customers upon that account; for whereas I
went under the notion of belonging to one Person,
I did belong to but three: and I was forced
to play my game pretty cunningly to please them,
and not give them suspition of one another, for
they being all introduced into my acquaintance
by our Matrona, or some of her Agents, she did
help to manage my affairs; and when she knew
I was to accompany, or lye with one of my sweet
hearts, she would tell the other, if he or they desired
the same, that it could not be for the present,
for either, I was waiting on my Uncle, or some
other relation, or otherwise employed, that I must
be excused at the present: but against such a
time, she would endeavour to procure me to accompany
them; and this was her tale, or mine;
when more then one importuned me with their
visits, and by this means did we both gain the
mony, and I, Rings, Necklaces, Watches and new
Gowns, and sometimes some Gold to spend, or
play away; but in time these three growing somewhat
weary, or tyred both in their bodies and
purses; but especially in the last, they by degrees
left me, seldom visiting me; and when they
did, they would desire their pleasure on free cost,
although I could not be so ungrateful as to deny
them, that which cost me nothing, and which I
had equal pleasure in, yet I saw, it was time to
look out for other better customers; and therefore
as I told you, I passed as the Mistress of a
Person of Quallity, and was sent for to our Madonas
house, whether I would pretend, I had stolen
out, but durst not stay, least my amorous Master
.bn 375.png
.pn +1
should return and want me: Several Persons I
enjoyed at this rate, and much ready mony was
coming to me; for they with whom I had to do,
understanding I was a professed Lady of Pleasure,
knew well enough that I would not be contented
to pleasure them without a reward; and therefore
they gave me money. But now the case was
somwhat altred, and I must now pay for my dyet,
for our Madona, had, as I told you, a certain
custom, or rule: which she walked by, which was
this: that at the first she paid for dyet and lodging
as long as the Maidenhead customers lasted; for
all that time she took the mony, and the Woman
the presents, very little mony coming to their
hands; and indeed it was not by our rules thought
honourable or convenient, that a price in money
should be given on that account, to the party
herself; but when they came under the notion of
a Lady of Pleasure, and Virginity was gone, then
it was accounted reasonable, and indeed necessary,
that the Party her self should receive mony for
her better support, and then she must be at the
cost of her own dyet; and this was my cause: And
my Companion and Bedfellow, who had bin in
this condition for some time, and had passed, as
I now did, for a private Lady a Merchants wife,
and several other Titles and qualities, was now
grown so common, and her face was so well
known to all our Madona’s better sort of customers,
that she would serve no longer in that degree;
but must go a step lower; and go home to
our Madona’s own house, and there serve in common,
for all Gentleman customers that came.
.bn 376.png
.pn +1
Thus as I was removed one step lower then I was,
so was she, and it was not long ere I had a pretty
young thing brought to be my companion: and
though her Virginity had bin parted with above
a twelve moneth before, (as she confessed to me)
yet she was to succeed me, in my place, and act
the part of a Virgin as I had done.
I now began to bethink my self of what I had
bin, and what more I was to be, and run through:
I found that I was already at the second degree,
and that in short time, I must follow my late companion
to the third, and be enforced to go home
to our Madona’s house, and there prostitute my
self to every drunken fellow that brought mony
in his hand; to be flabbered, tumbled and tossed,
as he pleased: this I say went against my stomack,
& I was much troubled at it; nay, I saw that some
who had bin in as high a place and degree as my
self, were in bad condition enough; for there was
one, who was my late companions bedfellow before
I came, and was at that time called into the
house to make room for me, this woman being very
frolick, and withal negligent of our Madona’s commands:
which were to Sweat, Bath, and Purge, and
use other remedies, to drive away all distempers;
she I say being negligent, & wanton, and keeping an
open stable for all Horses, gave entertainment to a
running Nag, which so paid her that she was soundly
pepper’d, not with a Horse Pox, but as bad, or a worse
disease: which stuck to her so soundly, that notwithstanding
our Madona’s diligence, she was fain to go
under the Surgeons hands. Nay, and those that did
Escape this, were in time put to bad offices, as to attend
.bn 377.png
.pn +1
the rest, and when their money was gone,
they served the Grooms, and Skip-kennels that
attended their Masters to our house.
These considerations, I say, made me think of a
remedy to take in time; and therefore I was resolved
to order my matters so, as never to come into our
Madona’s house but provide for my self before it
should come to that point; and therefore I purposed
to accept of the offers of the next good customer that
came, that would take me from the condition I was
in, and to provide for me; for it was a usual thing,
that we had many offers by several persons to
take us away; and keep and maintain us privately.
I had now every day more variety of servants, then
formerly; for now I had done trafficking for my
Maidenhead, I was more free and open, and to be
courted and treated at a cheaper rate; and now I
was at my own dispose, whereas before I was still
watched by our Madona, or my Companion, who
had it in charge from her, to give an account of
all my actions; and the same charge had I given
me over my new-come Bedfellow. All that was
expected from me, was always to be ready at my
Lodging, to come when sent for; but I had this
in general, and so had all the rest of our Companions,
not to permit any man to exceed kissing
and feeling, till 3 or 4 Bottles of Wine were first
drank.
These, and many other Maxims we were instructed
in, which I shal omit, and only give you
an account of two or three frolicks I was a party
.bn 378.png
.pn +1
in, whilst I professed this quality, and so conclude.
Among other Servants, or Sweethearts, that I
had, who were my constant customers, I had one, a
young Country Gentleman; who being heir of a good
estate, was brought up to London, and placed in one
of the Inns of Court; but instead of studying Law,
he applyed himself to a more soft and effeminate study:
the Art of love and courtship: he had read
Ovid’s Arte amandi, at home in the Country, and
could repeat many lines out of it; and he had read
some other pieces of Poetry; but his fancy was not
drawn to the height, till he had not only read some
Comedies, but also seen them acted; and then he was
so taken with them, that he spent his time commonly,
every afternoon, in seeing one acted: he being
a guest at our house (being introduced thither by
one of our Hectors) and his pockets being very well
lined with crowns, our Matrona thought me a fit
Mistris for him; and he being a handsome young
fellow, I willingly accepted him for my servant: he
being as (I told you) well skilled in Ovids Art of
Love, would often make use of several of his expressions,
to perswade me to his embraces.
Though he needed not use these arguments to
induce me to permit him to enjoy me: yet I was
well enough pleased to hear his Poetry; and I
being no Novice in the school of love, did withstand
him, knowing that the mind is most eagerly
bent on that which is forbidden; and therefore,
like a torrent, it overflows, and becomes more impetuous
by opposition; and I had read so much
Poetry as to remember, that,
.bn 379.png
.pn +1
.pm start_poem
She that is willing to love me;
To her unwilling will I be
And,
Proffer’d pleasures I defy,
Give me her that doth deny.
.pm end_poem
He making use of his Poetry, made me think of
mine; and therefore I was the more coy to him; but
still held him in hand, and gave him certain hopes
of an absolute injoyment; This his vayne of Poetry
was not only pleasant to me, but profitable; and he
fell into one of the finest humors that I have heard
of; for I attending him to the Play-houses very frequently,
we one day saw a Play called Philaster, or
Love lyes a bleeding : The Play being done, we
went to a Tavern, and there he highly commended
the action, but above all things the womens
parts: he was very much pleased with Arethusa’s
constancy and love to Philaster: but that which
tickled him most, was Megera’s acceptance of
Pharamon’s Courtship; for though she were a great
Court-Lady, yet she accepted his gold which he
presented her, and was so kind as to attend his
pleasure in his lodging. Now said he to me,
though I have tendred you my service, and am
willing to make you a present of all I have, yet
I cannot induce you be so kind to me.
I now, hearing him at this point, was resolved
to accept him & his present, (for, though he had
been some days in my company, yet he had bestow’d
nothing considerable upon me) & therefore
I told him, that it was true, the Lady Megera
did accommodate Prince Pharamond: but
.bn 380.png
.pn +1
he did first present her with somwhat that was
considerable, to induce her to it; and though I
had a very great respect for his love, yet there was
somewhat more then love to be tendred, as he
might now very well understand by this late passage.
My yonker (who I suppose had never tasted woman,
but with his Mothers Chamber-Maids, or
some such Creatures, knew not what belonged to
Women of my profession) being now awakened, as
it were, out of a dead sleep; quickly drew 5 pieces
of Gold out of his Pocket, and made a present of
them: You may be sure I was not coy, nor cautious
in receiving them; but quickly put them up; and,
for the present, thanks was all I returned, delaying
him in his desires, till we came to our Madona’s
quarters; where we had a plentiful Supper: And
I having now acquainted her how I had dealt
with my Young man; it was thought reasonable
that he should have a nights lodging for his Money;
neither did I refuse it, but agreed to all he asked
me, and I so well pleased him, that I perswaded
him out of a Diamond Ring worth 5l. more.
I am the more particular in my relation, of my
acquaintance with him: and the means of our
closing, by seing a Play, because of the advantages
I gained on him afterwards by the same
occasion: for the next day we again going to see
a Play, it happened that it was the Siege of Rhodes,
and then he was as much taken with Roxolana, as
he had formerly been with Arethusa, and highly
commended that part: I perceiving his fancy,
told him, that I supposed he would be very glad to
.bn 381.png
.pn +1
imbrace Roxolana in his Arms; Yes said he, that
I would, though it were at the expence of 20l. well
said I, give me the money, and I will so order the
matter, that you shall receive that satisfaction; nay
said he, but I doubt you will be offended thereat;
no said I, it will be as much to my content, as
yours. He hearing this, without any difficulty,
agreed to give me 20l. which was sent me that
evening, I told him the next day, that in one
weeks time, he should receive the content he expected,
and to heighten his expectation, I refused
to let him lye with me in the mean time.
In this weeks time I so ordered the matter, that I
got a Taylor, and other persons who were used to
make the habits for the Players, to make me a habit
in all things like to that of Roxolana; this being
done, I acquainted my young Gentleman, and told
him that for his better satisfaction, he should see the
so famed Princess at our quarters, where he might
have more freedom, then at any other place; he was
herewith very well contented; he habiting himself
in the richest garbs he had, and a large Colation was
provided to treat his expected Mistress; all things
being thus fitted on his part; I put on the provided
habit: and instead of his expected Roxolana, entred
the room where he was: I was attended by two or
three, who bore up my train, and had set my self
out with so many Jewels, both good & counterfeit:
and was indeed in all things so like the Roxolana he
had seen, that he doubted not but I was the very same
and was much surprized at the matter; and although
my face was as lovely as hers, yet I had added
somewhat thereto to appear more beautiful.
.bn 382.png
.pn +1
Our Matrona seeing him somewhat amazed,
went to him, and rouzing him up, asked him, why
he did not salute me; for said she, though her habit
is not English, yet you see she is of this Country,
and will admit of the ordinary salutes. He being
now quickned up, approached me, and gave me the
ordinary salutations, which I accepted, and at his
request I sate down by him. Well, said our Matrona,
hath not Mrs. Mary performed her promise
with you. Yes, said he, to admiration: and if before
I desired this Ladies Company at the first view; I
am now much more pleased than I expected; and
as I have a very great esteem for this Lady, and
intend to continue it, yet that shall be no prejudice
to Mrs. Mary, whose great love and kindness to me
in this particular action, I shall always remember,
and largely requite: Well Sir, said I, and what love
you bestow on her shall be very acceptable to me,
and I shall indeavour to retalliat the same.
My young man had not till now heard me speak,
and, though he did, he could not distinguish me
by my voice, so great a difference was there in
my habit, from my ordinary dress, that he did not
so much as suspect it, but, hearing me speak
with so much affection for Mistris Mary; he replyed;
that since I was so much a friend to her,
he was the better satisfyed in what he had desired;
and, he wanted nothing to content him,
so much, as her presence. Well, said our Matrona,
if that be all, you may have that satisfaction
quickly: nay, and you have it already; for she is in
this Room: He hearing her, looked earnestly about;
and though he gazed much in my face, yet he
.bn 383.png
.pn +1
could not discover me; but my greatest business being
now done, our Matrona could no longer forbear,
but fell into a very great fit of laughter, and so did
the rest of the company; neither did this make him
sensible of the matter, till our Madona, taking him
by the hand, caused him to take me by mine; and
told him, that if he desired Mistris Maryes company
there, he had it; for she was the same party
with that Lady, and had only put on that habit
to give him the content and satisfaction he desired.
Although at first he could not credit what she
said, yet looking again earnestly upon me, he discovered
the matter; and then he said, Ah Madam,
I did not imagine that you could be guilty of so
pleasing a fallacy; but I am very well satisfied
therein, and am now more glad that you have
found out this way to please me, than if I enjoyed
the very party her self.
To this I answered, That I hoped I should as well
satisfie his desire in enjoying that Princess whom I
represented, as if he had in his Company the same
person who acted that part at the Theatre; for, said
I, it is only her habit that makes her appear so like a
Princess; and I, being now in the same dress, may
as well pass as she; and as for face, and other parts,
I shall not give her any preheminence, neither, I hope,
will you, if you look on me with an impartial eye.
My friend was very well satisfyed in what I had
done and said, and now coming more near to me,
we fell to our Collation with much freedom. I
was attended by several whom I had appointed to
that purpose, and demeaned my self so Majestically,
that as they all told me, I might very well
.bn 384.png
.pn +1
pass for the very person whom I did represent;
and my Gentleman was so extremely well pleased,
that I thought he would have lost his eyes in
gazing at me. Our Collation being ended, I and
my attendants danced, and spent much time in
such kind of divertisements; but I saw that my
friend was impatient till bed time came, that he
might have me, his beloved Princess, in his arms:
we were waited on with all manner of state, and
had Musick attending us, not only all the time
we were up, but also when we were in bed: they
being placed in the Chamber adjoyning to our
lodgings, where they played for two hours space
after we were retired.
The strength of imagination was much, for as
my bedfellow imagined that he had a Princess in
his arms so I conceited my self to be little less:
great was the pleasure, I received from, and gave
to my bedfellow, for we were both in the flower
of our age, he being about twenty, and I eighteen,
we had both equal desires, and thought of nothing
but pleasure: we banished all other passions,
to make way for that of love according to the
Poet.
.pm start_poem
Fair Venus never goes to Bed,
To those that are with sorrows fed.
.pm end_poem
.bn 385.png
.pn +1
.hr 90%
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXVII.
.pm start_summary
Her Friend being forced from her by his friends
she meeting with one of her old acquaintance, falls
again to trading, till in the end, she meets with
the Drugster, who kept her for his private use.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
Although I was well enough pleased with my
nights lodging, and so was my bedfellow;
yet, as the longest day, so will the longest night
have an end; and no pleasure is lasting, neither
would ours continue, for the morning being come
we were again called up by Musick, but being
glutted with that, we ordered them to retire,
and I first arose out of our bed and going to dress
me in my ordinary habit, my bedfellow did forbid
it, and intreated me to give him the satisfaction,
and delight, to see me again in my Turkish
dress. He having pleased me so well, I was contented
to pleasure him, in a request that was so
indifferent; and therefore dressed my self accordingly.
He was so well pleased with me in every thing,
that taking me in his arms, I remember he sighed,
and I demanding the reason of that passion, he
told me, it was out of the extremity of the love
he bore me: and which he desired above all
things to continue; Indeed I liked him so well,
that I could have been well enough contented to
have been his wife, and have left all the world
for him, for he was of so easie a plyant nature,
.bn 386.png
.pn +1
that I could have wrought him to any thing:
and therefore being desirous to make use of that
opportunity, I desired him not to be melancholy,
for all that I could serve him in, I should readily
do: he finding me so free with him, told me if
that I would wait the death of his Mother, he
would make me his wife, and in the mean time,
would entertain me, & provide for me wholly as
if I were so: but he durst not marry me till his
Mother was dead, she having a great power over
his estate, his Father who was lately dead, so ordering
it; and beside, he was not as yet of Age
to demand it. I being desirous to close with him,
(not only out of a desire I had to leave that course
of life I then led; but also out of Pure love I bore
him,) soon agreed to be wholly disposed by him,
& desired him therefore to be constant in his affection;
and take some time to consider how to
dispose of me, and I should readily consent to it,
for he knew as well as I, that it would not at all
be convenient for me to remain where I was.
This was our discourse, and then we went from
our Chamber into another Room, where we were
expected by our Matrona, and some others of my
companions: the next day we also spent in frolicking
and mirth; but the whole charge of it,
was not born by my friend, for several of our
Matrona’s Friends and Clients did participate
in the cost: as well as the mirth, which was very
high, and lasted all the day and night; and then
tyred, though not satisfied with such delights as
Bacchus and Venus could afford: we (having imitated
the Empress Messalina in our debauchery;
of whom the Poet saith.
.bn 387.png
.pn +1
.pm start_poem
The Imperial Strumpet, with one maid stole out,
In her night hoods, and having cast about:
Her black hair, a red Perriwig she got,
Into the stewes----
There many thirsted for encounters tryed
Departed tyr’d with men, not satisfied.
.pm end_poem
This frolick being at an end, I and my friend
began to be serious, and in short time after he provided
me a private lodging, and I making up my
pack of cloths, Jewels and Mony which I had
gained, and which was considerable, left our Madona
and now retired my self, and resolved to be
very honest, and absolutely constant to my friend:
who continued his love to me in a very great
measure.
But at length all the moneys that he brought
to Town with him, and all else that he could get
or procure, was spent; (for he had not spared any
thing I desired to content me,) and which was
worse, his Mother came to Town to visit him, and
upon examination he could give little account,
how he had spent his time and monyes; wherefore
it being concluded that ill company was the
cause, his Mother laid out very diligently to discover
what company he kept: though he abstained
from coming so often to me, as formerly, Yet, he
either sent, or came to me every day: that he
might not be absolutly out of favor with his Mother,
I furnished him with what ready mony I
had, and he in requital, promised me a continuance
of his love, & a retalliation of my kindness,
& which was more then all, he engaged to marry
me (notwithstanding all the oppositions his mother
or friends could make,) if I would stay till
.bn 388.png
.pn +1
he was of age, and had his estate in his hands;
I had this promise from him, not only by word
of mouth, but also by writing; but all these promises
were quickly vacuated and void; for his mother,
by her extraordinary diligence found out
his haunts, and discovered his coming to me;
and followed the tract of my actions, and life;
that she found from whence I came, and who I
was; and then soon concluded, that I had been
the chief occasion of his mispending his time, and
moneys; and now she mustred up all her wits, to
prevent his ruine: which she supposed would be
inevitable, if he continued any longer a correspondency
with me.
To this end she called her Son before her, and
examined him in the presence of all those of his
Relations and friends which were then in Town.
She laid the business so plain, and home to him,
that he could not deny the matter, somewhat of
the manner he did; for whereas she reported me
an absolute Prostitute, he alleged me virtuous and
modest, as indeed well he might (for I had, ere
since my first acquaintance with him, been constant
to him) but it being proved from whence I
came, and how immodest I had lived, it was sufficient
argument to make out what I was, and
that I could not be a fit Wife for him: She was
a very discreet Woman, and one who had known
the World, and I suppose was well enough acquainted
with that saying of the Poet.
.pm start_poem
If Modesty and Women once do sever,
Farewel their name, farewel their fame for ever.
.pm end_poem
And therefore it being evident enough what I
had been, she from thence concluded what I would
be: In fine, she so scooled her son, and ordered the
.bn 389.png
.pn +1
matter, that he was contented to relinquish my
company; and because, she would be sure he
should doe so, she never left, till she had got him in
the mind to travel: and so putting him in an equipage
befitting his quality, she sent him for France.
Thus, when I thought my self near the greatest
happiness I ever yet arrived to: (which I earnestly
hoped, and expected, by being married to this
young Gentleman) was I stripped of all joy, and
comfort, in his suddain and absolute departure
from me; his Mother, and Friends, were so strict
with him, that they would not permit him, to take
his farewel of me; I only received a short letter
from him, wherein, he complained of his ill fortune,
in being thus forced from me: but more especially
at the manner of it; for he had not the
opportunity, nor power to be civil to me, in reimbursing
me, with the moneys I had lately furnished
him with; for his Mother gave him no
more ready moneys, then he should have present
occasion for; promising him, to supply him with
more by Bills of Exchange, when he should arrive
at the place he was designed for; and then
he promised that I should hear further from him.
This was the substance of his letter; and indeed
I could not well complain of him; for what moneys
he had lately received of me had formerly
been his own; but I was now reduced to a very
bad, and low condition: having no ready money,
so that I was forced to sell some of my Jewels;
and for a while supplyed my occasions, with the
moneys they yielded me; I living a very solitary,
and retired life; and all my pleasure was in reading
Playes, and Romances: in which I spent much
time, and took great delight; I waited long in
.bn 390.png
.pn +1
expectation of letters from my friend, according to
his promise; but whether he sent, and they were
intercepted, or how: or whether he forgot me, or
no, I know not; for I never after that heard of him.
Being somewhat weary with this solitary life;
and finding no effects, of my friends promise to
send to me; I began to consider, what course I
was to take; I was very unwilling to visit my old
Matrona again; but one day, walking out, I was
met by one of my old sweethearts: one of those
whom I had known in her house; but I saw by
his habit, and afterwards by the strength of his
Pocket, that he was but in a low condition, and
was more ready to receive, than give; he fastned
on me for old acquaintance sake, I was forced to
drink with him; but he ingeniously told me, that
Hector was not in Field, he had no money in his
Pocket; wherefore I (though money was not very
flush with me, as having had a long time of vacation:)
not only paid our reckoning: but at his
intreaty, doubly hors’d him, by lending him, (or
I may rather say giving him) two half crowns.
This put him in stock and heart, and he gratefully
acknowledged my civility, telling me he
would requite it, and talking of thousands he was
to receive. He was very earnest to know my
Lodging, but I concealed that place from him,
and, as I thought, parted from him warily enough,
and went many ways about before I went home;
but he dog’d me, and seeing me hous’d, waited,
lest that might not be the place; but after a sufficient
stay he was better satisfied; for I came no
more out, and so he went to his Quarters.
This my old acquaintance, as he had formerly
been bit, and had others lived upon him, so now
.bn 391.png
.pn +1
he only lived upon others; and though it was
not above a twelve month since he was very gallant,
and spent very highly with me, yet he had
made hast and consumed above 3000l. he was
young enough, and as wanton and desirous as
ever of my Company; but he knew very well I
would not consent, unless there were money in
the case; he being destitute of that necessary
commodity, therefore sought out for one who was
better supply’d with it; he needed not to look
long, neither did he, till he found one, who was
now, as not long since he had been, better stor’d
with mony than wit, and as desirous of pleasure,
being willing to purchase it at any rate; him he
tells of a rare purchase, a Lady whom he had the
happiness, to be acquainted with, that was rarely
handsome, of an excellent good nature, and he
questioned not but she might be flexible. The
monyed Gallant did not ask many questions, but
desired by all means to see this celebrated beauty;
for he doubted not but she must needs be
handsom, whom the other so cried up for beautiful.
My old acquaintance was as willing as he
to attend him to this Lady, which was my self;
and therefore to me they came, and believing
that Confidence was the best way of speaking
with me; he boldly asked to see and speak with
me; pretending great business, not so much as
questioning whither I lived there or no. The
people of the house believing him one of my intimate
acquaintance, directly brought him and
his friend up into my Chamber.
I was somewhat surpriz’d at the sight of him;
but after the first salutes he took me to one side,
and privately told me all his design; and that
.bn 392.png
.pn +1
this party whom he had brought, was a very well-money’d
man, & much might be squeez’d out of
him. Although I was not yet resolved to fall to
my old trade, yet now he was come, I knew not
how to put him off, wherefore I indifferently entertained,
and I may very well say indifferently:
because, I was yet cold in my desires, and had
very little appetite, however some bottles of Wine
being sent for, we drank them off: and my young
Gentleman being warm in his gears, began to
talk a little boldly, but it was to no purpose, for
I forbid all actions, and at that time he only purchased
a kiss, but (that I may draw to a period
to my discourse,) I did not long continue so cold
to him, for he bringing meat in his mouth, good
store of Gold in his pocket, which he willingly
and freely gave me, I permitted him to take all
the pleasure he could receive by me.
Thus did I renue my old trade, and my old
friend, who had brought this new acquaintance,
finding some benefit and profit in the case; for
he had money of his acquaintance, whom he had
brought, as also of me, neither could I at convenient
times, deny him the pleasure he had formerly
tasted with me; he, I say, having both
pleasure and profit, turned Broaker for me, and
brought me several Merchants, who traffiqued
with me for pleasure: which I commonly afforded
them a good pennyworth, though sometimes a
dear one, for I would not deal with every ordinary
fellow, and therefore was paid the better,
by those who were my customers.
But let me do what I could, I saved little
or nothing at the months end, (years I will
not say, because I was weary of this trade
in six months time:) for I now had not
.bn 393.png
.pn +1
only my self, but this my old acquaintance,
tance and new Broker to provide for; For he finding
that most of my profit, came in by those he
brought me, would be very bold in demanding a
share with me: and his expences were so high,
which he pretended, was only to bring me of the
better sort of customers, that I was now poorer
then ever, and he now became so impudent, that
he would not only command my money, but my
Rings, and other Jewels, which he would sell or
pawn as he listed; and indeed it is the fortune, or
misfortune, of all those of our Quality, to be troubled
with some such fellows, hangers on as these,
or else we should or might in little time gain sufficient
estates; but as I say commonly, what we got
one way, these followers spend the other, so that
at length all that we are likely to purchase, if we
have not a great care, is only a disease, which may
stick long enough by us. I being fearful of this, for
my Friend or Hector, I may call him both, was
now grown so intemperate, that he kept all companies:
and if I refused him money, or a nights
lodging, he would go to any other common woman,
the first he met withal, and so afterwards comming
to me, I might be spoiled; to prevent this,
I privately left my lodging, and hearing of two
of my own sex, and quality, that were going a
progress into the Country, to take a frollick, I
made the third, and had a man as well as they
to attend me; and as I expected, to bear my
charges; but we all reckoned without our host, for
we were basely trappand, by those who went with
us, and left in pawn for a reckoning that was considerable;
we were in a strange place, many miles
from London, and much distressed, but at length a
resolution was taken, that one of us should go to
.bn 394.png
.pn +1
London, and fetch money to redeem the rest, it fell
to the lot of one of my companions, who being on
her Journey, had the good luck to meet with honest
Gregory, our now companion, and he very liberally
relieved us, by sending mony to us, whereby
we had the freedom to come to our companion,
and him, who attended us. She being come to
this part of her Relation, I told her, that I heard
it already by Gregory, who among other passages
of his life, acquainted me with that.
Well then replyed she, if you know that account,
I have little more to acquaint you with, for not
long after my arrival in London, I fortunately met
with my honest friend the Drugster, and he liking
me for a Mistress, and I him for a servant or Master
which you please, agreed to obey his pleasures,
he providing for me, which he hath hitherto done
in a very plentiful manner: and I on the other
side, have bin as constant and obedient to him.
.sp 4
.h2 nobreak
CHAP. XXXVIII.
.pm start_summary
Mistress Mary having finished, Mistress Dorothy
begins her story, wherein she relates, that having
left her friends in the Country, she comes toLondon,
and entring to service, lyes with 3 several
men, by whom she was got with Child, and so orders
the matter, that all 3 pay well for it.
.pm end_summary
.sp 2
I had given very great attention to Mrs. Maries
story, and Mrs. Dorothy (who, with me, had been
the only Auditor) told her, that she had received a
great deal of satisfaction; for, said she, though I have
formerly heard many of your particular actions,
yet I never received a perfect account till now.
Nay, said Mrs. Mary, this account is far from being
.bn 395.png
.pn +1
perfect, and is only such passages as I could at
present call to mind; but indeed they are the most
remarkable, and by them you may guess at the rest.
I was very well pleased with what I had heard,
and being likewise desirous to be acquainted with
the adventures of Mrs. Dorothy requested her to
relate them to me, which she did as followeth.
Old friend (said she to me) you have great occasion
to love and respect me, for the great love
I have born to you, and your memory; for after
your departure from my Fathers house, I was
very much afflicted for your absence, and I did
believe that you intended marriage to me, as
you protested; and though my Father and Mother
had often doubted of the reallity of your
intentions, especially, after you had so unworthily
left me, yet I still perswaded them that you
would return. You know well enough, that my
Father was not ignorant of our privacy, he having
surprized us in the manner, and you then promised
to make me amends by marriage; but all
the satisfaction I received was a Copy of Verses,
and 20 pieces of Gold: In the one you expressed
your Wit, in the other your Generosity, for I very
well knew that you might have omitted both,
and not have sent either; but I suppose, you were
more skilful than I, and knew that I was with
Child by you, and therefore sent that mony to
defray the charge I should be at on that occasion.
This piece of civility of yours did put me
into good hopes, that you would return; and I
accordingly perswaded my Father, and Mother;
but time convinced me of my error: and also
made it more apparent that I had been sporting
with you; for my Belly swelled so, that my Mother
.bn 396.png
.pn +1
soon resolved me that I was with Child by
you.
I was very melancholly upon this occasion, but
my Mother indeavoured to comfort me (for I
being her only Child) she had a great deal of
love for me; and knowing what was pass’d could
not be helped, she took order to conceal and
keep the knowledge of my misfortune from being
publiquely known and discoursed of; Wherefore
I, at her desire and directions, kept within doors,
pretending a sickness, which indeed was not
wholly counterfeit, in regard I much grieved for
your absence. In this condition I spent my
time, till the time of my deliverance from Childbearing
came, and then I was brought to bed of
a Boy, which was no sooner born, but it was taken
and carried from me, to a Town three miles
off, to be nursed by a woman, whom my Mother
had for that purpose provided; and this was
done to conceal the shame that I should or might
sustain, if it were known that I had a Child, without
knowing who, or at least, where was the
Father.
So soon as a Month was expired, I went to
see the Child, the sight of which put me too
much in mind of the Father; and I was then
again sensibly afflicted, at his absence; methoughts
in that infancy there was so much resemblance
of my beloved deceiver, that I kiss’d
the Infant not only for its own, but for the Fathers
sake. I then returned home agen, and now
after so long a time of retirement, I began to recover,
not only my strength, but some additions
to my beauty; so that I having had 2 or 3 Suitors,
when a Maid, who had forborn visiting me
.bn 397.png
.pn +1
by occasion of my ilness, they now agen renew
their suits; but if I had some dislike for them before,
now I could not endure them in my company,
they were such absolute Hobbinolls.
Though I was not satisfied in their frequent visits,
yet my Father and Mother press’d me, not
only to accept them, but also their suit, and make
choice of one of them for a husband, alleging,
that you would never return; and it would be
not only safe but necessary, in time to bestow my
self. This discourse did much disturb me, and I
was so often troubled with my suiters, and disturbed
and vexed by my Father and Mothers
importunity, that I resolved to quit both, by
leaving them, and therefore purposed to go to
London, that I might not be troubled with the
importunity of my Father and Mother; nor the
troublesome visits of my sweethearts.
In persuance of this resolve, I fitted my self
with all necessaries; and that I might not wholly
distract my Parents by my thus leaving them, I
writ a Letter of excuse, & left it for them; & so
walking to the next great Town, attending the
coming by of the Passage Coach, and in that got
me a place to ride to London.
I continued for some time in the Inne where
the Coachman set me down, and the rest of his
Passengers; but knowing it would be impossible
for me to continue long there, I gained acquaintance
with the Maid of the house, and told
my tale to her as well as I thought convenient.
She understanding that I was willing to serve,
and wanted a place; and I acquainting her with
my abilities, as that I could sew, wash, and starch,
and do most necessary things required of a servant,
.bn 398.png
.pn +1
She soon procured me a Place in a house
that entertained many Lodgers. I spent a quarter
of a years time very privately and honestly
in this service; but then our house being full of
Lodgers, one of them cast a wanton eye on me,
and being well pleased with my face, began to
court me very familiarly; although at first I opposed
him, and gave him nothing but slights and
denials, yet he so managed his business by Presents
which he gave me, and making use of all
other opportunities that he gained his will of
me, and I again entred the Lists in a loving
Combate. He took many opportunities for enjoyment,
not only in the day time, but sometimes
we spent whole nights in our amorous
sports; and though my Mr. and Mrs. did not
discover any thing of the matter, yet another
Gentleman, who was also a Lodger, and lay in
the next Chamber to my friends, watching me,
found out my haunt; and therefore he (being
as amorous as the other) was desirous of sport,
became a Suiter to me upon the same account.
I absolutely denied him, for I thought it was
enough to have to do with one man, and was
resolved to venture my self no further; but he
taking the opportunity of the others absence,
first treated me with Wine, then presented me
with a Ring; but all this would not do, till he
in plain terms told me, that he knew very well
I was not so hard-hearted to every one; for
were Mr. such a one, naming my friend, there,
I would not deny him the curtesie: I at first
made strange of this story, and deny’d it, but
he falling into plain terms with me, and telling
me that he had watched me such a night, when
.bn 399.png
.pn +1
I lay with him, I could not then deny it, neither
did I long deny or refuse him what he desired;
so that he likewise took his pleasure with me;
and having obtained his desire at that time, he
made bold with me so often as he listed, when
the other was out of the way.
I had now two Bedfellows, so that I could seldom
lie alone, one of them would still bespeak
me; but the first of them did not know of the
2d. though he knew very well of the other:
Though I had sport enough with these two, yet
it was not long ere a third man likewise put in
for a share with them, and that was my Masters
brother; he was a very pretty young man, and
one whom I could well enough love for a Husband;
but he looked a little higher than to marry
a Servant-maid: but as a Mistress he courted
me. Many attempts he made in vain; but time
that bringeth every thing to pass, made me flexible,
and I likewise gave him possession of the
thing he desired: he took much pleasure in my
company, and very respectful to me, often presenting
me with Linnen and Laces, and sometimes
a Crown or an Angel came from his Pocket,
as well as from the other two, who well fed
me with mony, which I still pocketed up: but as
I got mony, so again I got somewhat else, a great
Belly, and which was the worst of my three
friends, I knew not which was the Father; but
if I am not mistaken, I believe it was my Masters
Brother.
But I was resolved the other two should help
to Father it, or else pay for it; and therefore I
soon told them all three, as they had occasion to
deal with me, in what condition I was. My first
.bn 400.png
.pn +1
and oldest friend was most troubled at it, being
as he thought the most concerned, because he
knew not of any else that had to do with me;
he was somewhat startled at it, lest, as he said,
his wife should come to know it; for, he was a
married man: and although his wife sometimes
came to Town, and would lie with him; yet he
would sometimes before he went to bed to her,
take his opportunity to have his pleasure with
me; He, I say was troubled at the news: but
that did not hinder us, in our purposed nights
lodging, only in the intervals we considered what
course to take; at length it was resolved, that he
would provide for me, the time of my lying Inn,
and afterwards for the child; and in earnest of
the charge, he soon gave me 20l. to provide me
with necessaryes. I having now done with my
first customer, was resolved to get something out
of my 2d: but he still gave me the hearing, presuming
on his knowledge of my having to do
with the first; yet, he would not on this occasion,
advance any thing, intending to shirk off,
because no body knew what trade we did drive
together.
I perceiving his intention; was resolved to be
even with him, and it may be out-wit him; and
that he might not distrust me, I seemed no ways
dissatisfied, but gave him as much freedom with
me, as ever; but to carry on my design, I thought
good to break the business to my Masters Brother;
wherefore, I likewise acquainted him with
my condition, and told him in plain terms,
that I was with child by him; He could not deny
the fact, nor make any excuse; not knowing
of my dealings with the other two; But he was
.bn 401.png
.pn +1
likewise very much surprized; But I doubting, he
might put me off; I took the opportunity of telling
him this news, when we were in bed together,
knowing there I should have time, and conveniency
to discourse it.
He knew not what to say, and indeed was very
cold with me; and I was forced to help him out,
for he was then a Suiter to a young Gentlewoman,
and was fearful that this business would hinder his
fortunes; and though he loved me well enough, yet
he was unwilling to marry me: for that would prove
so disadvantagious to him: he supposing that nothing
but marriage would content me, was much
troubled, and could not tell what answer to give me:
wherefore I was forced to break silence, and told him,
that as I loved him, so I would shew him sufficient
proofs of it; for I would not that my love should
ruine him, as I knew it would, if the world should
know what had passed between us; and though
nothing could satisfie me but marriage; yet I
could be content to wave that, and propose somewhat
else of satisfaction; nay then, said he, if you
will be so kind to me, propose your own terms,
and take them; I hearing him thus generous, it
was not long ere we concluded upon terms;
which were these, that he would give me 20l.
down to bear my charges in the time of my Lying-in,
and if the child lived, he would give 50l.
more to any person whom I would appoint to
take the child, and provide for it; these terms
I was well enough satisfied with, only I considering
that he would hear of my lying with the
other, because I intended to discover that to him,
and have his assistance therein, and then I
doubted he would suspect me, and it may be refuse
.bn 402.png
.pn +1
to pay the 50l. when due; therefore I was
resolved to have him seal a Bond to me, for payment
of it: and I urged him to do it out of this
consideration, that he was to be married: and
though he now loved me well-enough, yet when
he had a Wife, he would happily slight and forget
me, and so refuse or neglect to pay it. He
was content to hear my arguments: and though
alwayes protesting a continuance of his love to
me, notwithstanding all the Wives in the World;
yet he consented to give me Bond according to
my desire.
Thus every thing being agreed on, we again
renewed our pleasures, and spent that night, as
we had done many before. But morning being
come, I arose, and so managed my affairs, that I
that day had a Bond Sealed to me for payment
of 50l. to be paid in 6 months; I also within few
dayes received of him the 20l. he had promised me.
Thus did I order my matters with my first and
last Customers, and I gave them their wonted satisfaction
of Lying with me so often as they
pleased; and so I did to the other my middle
Customer; but do what I could, I could not
bring him to any considerable Composition; and
though he were the best able, yet he offered me
the least, and intended to come off with a trifle;
however I gave him his wonted freedom with
me, but purposed ere long to be even with him,
as I was.
For one night being in bed with my Masters
Brother; I having very well pleased him, he
talked of his little Hans in Kelder, the Boy in
my belly, wishing very well to it, not in the least
doubting but it was of his own begetting, and
.bn 403.png
.pn +1
using many words to that purpose: well Sir, said
I, it is very true, it is yours, but if I would have
been as free with others, as I have been with you,
it might have had more, if not another Father; and
thereupon I proceeded, and told him how that I
had been often importuned by Mr. such a one,
his Brothers Lodger, and my 2d. Bedfellow.
Well replyed he, I am the more beholding to
you, that you have accepted of me rather than
him; but though I am not at all dis-satisfied in
what I have done, I wish he had been the Father,
for your sake as well as mine, for you may compel
him to marriage, or else get a considerable
sum of money from him. As for marriage, said
I, I doubt I should hardly draw him to it, but
some monies I might get of him, and would yet,
if you will but consent to it, and assist me therein.
To this he answered, that in any thing I
should desire, he would not be wanting, and
therefore he bid me propound the way, and he
would not fail in his assistance: I then told him,
that I knew but one way to do it, and in that I
must play the disloyal wag with him, to do that
which I had no mind: for that matter, said he,
you shall have my consent, and I think I guess at
your meaning, which is, that you must agree to
let him ly with you; wherefore since it will be
so advantagious to you, let him do it; for I am
sure he can do me no great wrong, for notwithstanding
what he can do, the Child will be all
mine, of my own getting.
He being so free to it, and agreeing to all
things according to my desire, we resolved that
I should permit my second Sweetheart to ly with
me; but I should so order the matter, that he
.bn 404.png
.pn +1
should take us in the manner, and then we would
agree to act the rest very well. I now having
laid my plot very well, and orderly, I appointed
my time when I would ly with him and agreed
to leave the Chamber door open, that he, rising
early the next morning, might (pretending some
business) enter the Chamber, and find us in Bed
together. Our plot being thus laid, and my 2d.
Sweetheart desiring it, I promised to come to
bed to him about midnight, which I did; but
my Masters brother knowing of my design, was
resolved to have the first carving of me, and that
he should only have a butter’d Bun; and therefore
caused me to ly with him all the former
part of the night; but midnight being past, he
permitted me to proceed in my adventure. I was
expected by my Bedfellow, and accordingly entertained;
but I minding the design I was about,
awaked early in the morning, and so ordered the
matter, that my Bedfellow likewise threw off his
drowsiness to encounter with me in our nocturnal
pastime, which when he had done, I began
to discourse him, reasoning the cause with him,
and desiring him to resolve me what he would
do for me in that condition I was, and what provision
he would make for me. He gave me indifferent
answers, and I grew passionate with
him, and on a sudden the Chamber door opened,
and my Masters Brother entred the room. I
seeing this, left off speaking and crouded my
self close down into the bed, as if pretending to
hide my self; but he coming boldly on, bid my
Bedfellow Good morrow, and asking him a question,
came nearer the Bed side, and drawing the
Curtains, said, what have you a Bedfellow? No
.bn 405.png
.pn +1
said he, not I; surely said the other you have,
for I am mistaken if I did not hear some other
tongue than yours; the other deny’d it, but he
knowing well enough what he had to do, soon
found out where my Petticoats lay: How, said
he, surely you have a Bedfellow, and that a female
one; the other being thus surprized, knew
not what to say: Wherefore my Mr. Brother proceeding,
said, surely I should know these Coats,
for, if I am not mistaken, they are our Maid
Dorothys. I finding my self discovered, now appeared,
and in the first place beg’d his pardon,
and that he would not acquaint my Mr. and Mrs.
with it. He seeming very angry soundly rated
me and my Bedfellow, and said he, this is not the
first time that you two have lain together, for I
have long suspected you, and have watched you.
Truly Sir, said I, it is true this Gentleman hath
long known me, but I pray you make no more words
of it at present, and for modesties sake leave the
Chamber, and I will anon satisfie you further in
every particular. My Bedfellow likewise requesting
the same, he very civilly left us, shutting the
Chamber door after him. My Bedfellow was
much surprized at this sudden accident, and I
seemed to be so; and quickly getting my cloaths,
arose and left him, retiring into my own Chamber,
leaving him to consider it.
I having now done my business, by having a
witness of my lying with him, was bold with
him, to know what I should do in the case; for
said I, my Masters Brother will certainly acquaint
my Mr. and Mrs. with our actions, and then I
must leave the house, and whither to go, I know
not, nor who will entertain me. He argued that
.bn 406.png
.pn +1
the other, my first Sweetheart, must provide for
me; to this I told him, that I believed, that he
would do somewhat for me, but he had a Wife,
and could not do what he listed, whereas he on the
contrary was a single man, and rich enough; and
he still endeavouring to put me off, and lay all
upon the first; I in plain terms told him, that if
he continued to say so, I would wholly deny my
dealings with the other, and though he should
avouch it, yet he would not be believed, he being
himself a party guilty, as could be proved by my
Masters Brother; and therefore it would be judged
by all, that he, and he alone, was the Father of
the Child, and would be forced to marry me, or at
least provide for me and the Child. I having told
him my resolution, left him to consider of it, and
then my Masters Brother came to him, and he
and I together so ordered the matter, that he
gave me 20l. down, and gave me bond to pay
50l. more at the Birth of the Child. This, said
Mrs. Dorothy, was the first of my adventures.
And this shall be the last I shall relate to you
in this part, referring the prosecution of hers, and
others adventures, to a third part.
.ce
FINIS.
.dv class='tnotes'
.h2 nobreak
Transcriber’s Note.
The spelling has been left intact, except where there are obvious
printer’s errors, or where a more conventional spelling is employed
in every other instance. Minor inconsistencies in punctuation have also
been corrected, without further mention.
On p. 223, the Latin quotation from Petronius includes the name ‘Aerisium’,
which, in the following translation is given as ‘Acresius’. The entire passage
from ‘It can make knees bow...’, including the citation from Petronius,
seems to have been cribbed from Owen Feltham’s Resolves: divine,
morall and politicall, where ‘Acrisium’ appears. Feltham died
the year our volume was published, and his Resolves was a
very popular in the day and continued to be republished into the 19th century.
The following table summarizes the issues encountered, and their
resolution:
.ta l:10 l:43: l:15
p. x | inclina[na]tion | Removed.
p. 10 | they found the contrary to [to] their cost | Removed, line break repetition.
p. 33 | substance of the [the] third Tract | Removed, line break repetition.
p. 33 | of such as [as] should live | Removed.
p. 35 | he congeal’d them [them] to ice | Removed.
p. 38 | Dicision | sic. ‘Division’
p. 42 | Water to Wat[a/e]r, | Corrected.
p. 57 | transpla[n]ted | Added.
p. 73 | conclude wi[l/t]h the Poet | Corrected.
p. 130| socie[t/i]y | Corrected.
p. 131| set [own by and] ancient Patrico | sic. ‘down by an’.
p. 145| and told me, that [that] though | Removed, page break repetition.
p. 178| and was [was] a Prisoner | Removed, line break repetition.
p. 204| this Mys[s]tery | Corrected, line break repetition.
p. 214| them as[ ]soon | Added.
p. 223| A[c/e]risium | Corrected.
p. 365| acquaintance, [tance] | Removed, line break confusion.
p. 376| I [I] seeing this | Removed, line break repetition.
.ta-
.dv-