.dt Good Form For All Occasions, by Florence Howe Hall-A\
Project Gutenberg eBook
.de body {width:80%; margin:auto;}
// max line length
.ll 72
// default indentation for .nf l blocks
.nr nfl 4
// larger drop cap size
.nr dcs 275%
// Page numbering
.pn off // turn off visible page numbers
// .pn link // turn on page number links
// letter
.dm letter-start
.sp 1
.fs 85%
.in +4
.dm-
.dm letter-end
.in -4
.fs 100%
.sp 1
.dm-
// centered
.dm centered-start
.sp 1
.nf c
.dm-
.dm centered-end
.nf-
.fs 100%
.sp 1
.dm-
.dm fs70 $1
.if h
$1
.if-
.if t
$1
.if-
.dm-
// paragraph formatting, indent paragraphs by 1.0 em.
.nr psi 1.0em
// Creating a box around text.
.de .box1 {border-style: solid; border-width:thick; padding:15px}
.de .font85 { font-size: 85%; }
// Transcriber’s notes in a nice box.
.de .tnbox {background-color:#E3E4FA;border:1px solid silver;padding: 0.5em;margin:2em 10% 0 10%; }
// include a cover image in HTML only
.if h
.il fn=cover.jpg w=500px
.pb
.if-
.bn 001.png
.pn +1
.sp 4
.h1
GOOD FORM||FOR ALL OCCASIONS
.sp 4
.bn 002.png
.pn +1
.bn 003.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
\_
.nf c
GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
.nf-
.sp 2
.nf c
A MANUAL OF MANNERS
DRESS AND ENTERTAINMENT
FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN
.nf-
.sp 2
.nf c
BY
FLORENCE HOWE HALL
AUTHOR OF
“SOCIAL USAGE AT WASHINGTON”
.nf-
.sp 2
.if h
.il fn=i003.jpg w=100px
.if-
.if t
.nf c
[Illustration: Publisher’s Logo]
.nf-
.if-
.sp 4
.nf c
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
NEW YORK AND LONDON
MCMXIV
.nf-
.sp 4
.bn 004.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 2
\_
.dv class=box1 // box start
.nf c
BOOKS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD
.nf-
.in 2
.ti -2
THE YOUNG MOTHER’S HANDBOOK, by
Marianna Wheeler. 16mo net $1.00
.ti -2
PRINCIPLES OF CORRECT DRESS, by
Florence Hull Winterburn. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
GOOD FORM FOR ALL OCCASIONS, by
Florence Howe Hall net 1.00
.ti -2
NOVEL WAYS OF ENTERTAINING, by
Florence Hull Winterburn. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
COOK BOOK OF LEFT-OVERS, by Clark
and Rulon. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
SOCIAL USAGES AT WASHINGTON, by
Florence Howe Hall. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
HOW TO KEEP HOUSEHOLD ACCOUNTS,
by Charles Waldo Haskins. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
THE EXPERT MAID SERVANT, by
Christine Terhune Herrick. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
HYGIENE FOR MOTHER AND CHILD, by
Dr. Francis H. MacCarthy. Post 8vo net 1.25
.ti -2
MANNERS AND SOCIAL USAGES. Ill’d.
Post 8vo 1.25
.ti -2
THE EXPERT WAITRESS, by Anne Frances
Springsteed. New Edition. 16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
THE BABY, HIS CARE AND TRAINING,
by Marianna Wheeler. Revised edition
16mo net 1.00
.ti -2
HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL, by Marie Montaigne.
Ill’d. net 1.00
.in 0
.hr 10%
.nf c
HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK
.nf-
.dv- // box end
.sp 3
.nf c
COPYRIGHT, 1914, BY HARPER & BROTHERS
.nf-
.hr 10%
.nf c
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
PUBLISHED JUNE, 1914
.nf-
.sp 4
.bn 005.png
.pn +1
.pb
.in 0
.ni
.sp 4
.h2
CONTENTS
.sp 2
.dv class=font85
.ta r:6 l:50 r:4
CHAP.|| PAGE
I.| The Country House| #1:ch01#
| Etiquette and Dress for the Week-end Visitor—Duties\
of the Host—The Neglectful and Over-zealous Hostess—Bread-and-butter Letters.|
II.| Afternoon Teas and Receptions for the\
Débutante—“Thé Dansant”| #18:ch02#
| Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and\
Etiquette for the Hostess and Her Assistants—Formal\
and Informal Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.|
III.| Breakfasts and Luncheons| #36:ch03#
| How to Give Them and What to Wear—Etiquette\
of the Buffet Luncheon—Entertaining Distinguished Strangers.|
IV.| Dinners Formal and Informal| #52:ch04#
| Invitations and How to Answer Them—Telephone\
Invitations—Hints for the Young Hostess—Dress for Men and for Women—Entering\
and Leaving the Dining-room—Etiquette of the Formal Dinner—When to Arrive and\
When to Leave—Dressing-rooms—Dinner-calls.|
.bn 006.png
.pn +1|
V.| Bridesmaids’ Luncheons, Bachelor Dinners,\
and Wedding Anniversaries| #74:ch05#
| Guests to be Invited—Etiquette and Dress\
for Bridesmaids’ Luncheons—Etiquette and Dress for Bachelor Dinners—Things\
to be Done and Things to be Avoided—Wedding Anniversaries—The Right and\
the Wrong Way to Celebrate Them—Form of Invitation.|
VI.| House and Church Weddings| #95:ch06#
| Dress for Bride, Bridegroom, Bridesmaids, Ushers, and Other Members of the Bridal\
Party—Dress of Guests—Gifts and How to Present Them—Etiquette of House and\
Church Weddings—Wedding Breakfasts and Receptions—Entertaining Out-of-town\
Guests.|
VII.| Public Dinners and Receptions| #135:ch07#
| Luncheons of Women’s Clubs—Duties of Dinner and Reception Committees—Arrangements\
in Suburban Towns—The Courteous and the Discourteous Guest—Evening\
Dress and Demi-toilette.|
VIII.| Balls and Dances| #154:ch08#
| Dinner and Subscription Dances—Roof-garden\
Dances—Reciprocal Duties of the Chaperon and Her Charge—How to Enter\
and How to Leave a Ballroom—Objectionable Styles of Dancing—The Stag Line and\
the Dance Programme—The Hostess and Her Assistants—The Host—Introductions\
at Public and at Private Dances—Duties of Floor Committee—Supper Etiquette—Dress\
for Young Girls and Married Women—Dress for Men.|
.bn 007.png
.pn +1
IX.| Automobile Trips| #175:ch09#
| The Automobilist as Host—Provision for Comfort of Guests—Duties of Guest—Dress\
and Luggage—Automobile Picnics—Entertainment of Chauffeur—When a Visit\
becomes a Visitation.|
X.| Bridge Parties and Evening Receptions| #189:ch10#
| Arrangement of the Card-tables—Playing for Prizes—Good and Bad Manners at the\
Card-table—Why Certain People are not Asked—Duties of Hostess—Card Parties\
for Charity—Dress and Etiquette of Evening Receptions.|
XI.| Hotels, Restaurants, and Roof-gardens| #200:ch11#
| How to Entertain a Guest at a Hotel in the City and in the Country—Etiquette for the\
Guest in Hotels and Restaurants—Dress for Morning, Afternoon, and Evening.|
XII.| Theater, Opera, and Concert-hall| #215:ch12#
| Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater Parties—The Supper—The Bachelor\
and His Duties as Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the Opera, Theater,\
and Concert-hall.|
.ta-
.dv-
.in 0
.sp 4
.bn 008.png
.pn +1
.bn 009.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.nf c
GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
.nf-
.sp 4
.bn 010.png
.pn +1
.bn 011.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.nf c
GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
.nf-
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch01
I||
.pi
.dv class=font85
Etiquette and Dress for the Week-end Visitor.—Duties
of the Host.—The Neglectful and the Over-zealous
Hostess.—Bread-and-butter Letters.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.25 0.65
THE special trunks now readily procurable
for week-end visits remind us
not to burden our friends with heavy or
excessive luggage. The visitor may have
difficulty in deciding what costumes to
carry. Hence a considerate hostess often
mentions in her note of invitation what
the out-of-door amusements are likely to
be. If a tennis-court, golf-course, skating-rink,
.bn 012.png
.pn +1
or toboggan-slide is available, she does
well to say so. A host who lives by the
seaside will perhaps take his guests out in
a canoe or a motor-boat or offer them the
pleasures of surf-bathing.
If the week-end guest receives no friendly
hints about the wardrobe needed, she
must be guided by a knowledge of the
tastes and habits of the household she is
to visit. If she is in ignorance of these,
she will take into consideration the age
of her hosts and the kind of place in which
they live. Thus, if Doris is invited to
stay at Newport or some other gay and
fashionable watering-place, she will need
handsomer costumes and a greater variety
of them than would be appropriate at a
quiet spot in the real country. In the
same way, if her entertainers are rich people
whose mode of living is very expensive
and who invite many guests, she will require
her best clothes.
Three changes of costume should ordinarily
suffice—a short, plain skirt, suitable
for walking or out-of-door sports, with
body of the same material or separate
shirt-waist either white or of corresponding
.bn 013.png
.pn +1
color, an evening gown, and one for
afternoon or church wear. The last
named will suffice for the evening also
if Doris is staying with friends who live
quietly in the country. An old but
extremely convenient arrangement is to
have the afternoon costume made with
a removable yoke, thus serving two purposes.
The English fashion of wearing a
décolleté toilette for late dinner is popular
with the smart set in our large cities, but
is by no means general in America. It is
a pretty custom for young girls, and many
follow it, wearing simple frocks of white
muslin or similar material in their own
homes. For a visit in the country one
should always take rubbers or stout shoes.
For tennis, rubber soles are necessary, as
those of leather tear up the court. While
some country hostesses are very thoughtful
about providing extra wraps, a wise
guest, especially if she is inclined to be
chilly, will carry a warm coat or cloak.
An older woman would appear in the
evening in a dress cut out somewhat at
the throat, or with a lace yoke or jabot if
her health did not permit the exposure of
.bn 014.png
.pn +1
her neck. She would choose silk or some
handsome material made up in a dressy
way, with a train longer or shorter according
to the fashion. Short dresses are
much worn at the present moment. Doris
should take a pair of long white gloves
for the evening, as she will need them if
there is to be a formal dinner, also a pair
of dress slippers, with stockings to match.
For a week-end visit in summer a young
man would carry a pair of white-flannel
trousers, a soft shirt of flannel, silk,
Madras, linen, or other material, and golf
or tennis shoes. He would also take for
evening wear a dinner-coat, with trousers
and waistcoat to match, a black tie, patent-leather
pumps or low shoes, and a couple
of dress-shirts. During the heat of midsummer
great latitude is allowed in the
matter of evening dress. Thus, at the informal
weekly dances of the Rumson
Country Club, at Seabright, near New
York, hardly a dress-coat is to be seen, the
men all wearing dinner-coats. Many of
them substitute a white belt for a waistcoat,
white-duck trousers for the usual
black ones, and soft white shirts or those
.bn 015.png
.pn +1
with narrow plaits for the regulation stiff-bosomed
dress-shirt.
In winter the week-end visitor with out-of-door
tastes would take a sweater and a
toboggan-cap for skating or coasting. At
either season of the year he would travel
in his business suit, and would wear this to
church should his hosts take him there
on Sunday. Formal afternoon dress (see
#Chapter VI:ch06#) is the correct attire in which
to appear at church; but business suits
are often worn and are permissible for
the week-end visitor, because he cannot
conveniently carry many varieties of costume
in a suit-case.
If the hostess has named a particular
train, the visitor should always take that.
Should she be delayed, she should telephone
or telegraph saying when she will arrive.
A host living in the country usually sends
a conveyance to the station for his guests
or comes to meet them himself. If the
carriage or car is a hired one, the visitor
offers to pay for it, but does not insist upon
doing so. Where the trip to the friend’s
house is made in a trolley-car, the guest is
seldom allowed to pay his own fare. Sometimes
.bn 016.png
.pn +1
the latter arrives and there is no one
to meet him. For a man it is usually
easy to hire a cab or take a trolley-car. For
a young girl traveling alone the situation
may be awkward, especially if the place is
unfamiliar to her. After waiting a little
while for her friends, it is perfectly proper
for her to call them up over the telephone
and ask for directions.
It is usual to tell a guest soon after her
arrival the hours for meals. Should this
be forgotten and should the lunch or dinner
hour be approaching, Doris may make
the necessary inquiries. In a very formal
household she would ask one of the maids.
Should one of the latter offer to unpack
Doris’s trunk or suit-case the young girl
may accept or not, as she pleases. There
has been some effort made to import from
aristocratic countries the custom of having
a valet or maid attend to this duty
and assist the guest in his or her toilette.
The good-natured fun made of these usages
by recent writers reminds us that they are
inappropriate in a democratic country. It
is true that for certain styles of costume,
such as a dress that fastens in the back,
.bn 017.png
.pn +1
the fair wearer needs a little assistance.
But as a rule the American spirit makes
us prefer to be independent, whether of
kings or of lackeys. Self-reliance is almost
indispensable in a land where fortunes are
lost as well as made with such speed and
frequency.
A guest should be punctual at all meals
and on all occasions. With regard to
breakfast a diversity of customs exists, the
family assembling for the meal at most
houses, while many people prefer to take
it in their own rooms. A guest will endeavor
to conform to the usage of the
household. If the hostess proposes to
have his breakfast sent up, he may accept
the offer, unless he has reason to suppose
that this will be inconvenient. In the
evening he will be careful not to keep his
hosts up beyond the hour when they ordinarily
retire for the night.
For a week-end visit a guest places his
time at the disposal of his entertainers and
does not usually make any engagements
elsewhere. Should it happen, however,
that he wishes especially to call on friends
in the neighborhood, he should mention
.bn 018.png
.pn +1
this soon after his arrival, so that the
trip may be arranged for an hour that
will not interfere with the plans of his
host. The agreeable guest falls in readily
with these. He tries to have a pleasant
time himself and to contribute to the
pleasure of others, even if some of them
are tedious people. He will enjoy talking
with the most interesting person present,
but will not try to monopolize the
lion of the occasion. If an excursion is
proposed to see something he has seen
many times before, or to do a thing he especially
dislikes, he will not say: “Oh, I
know that place by heart!” or “What a
bore!” but will make the best of the situation.
Should he have any “parlor tricks,”
such as the ability to sing, recite, or tell
fortunes, he will be ready to display these
at an opportune moment. A guest, however,
should follow rather than lead. It
is the province of the host to make the
programme and arrangements. The visitor
must be careful not to behave as if he
thought it was his party!
While, as we have said, he will join in
the amusements, he will not overstep the
.bn 019.png
.pn +1
limits prescribed by good-breeding. It
sometimes happens that a group of young
people, carried away by the contagion of
high spirits, will behave like boisterous
school-children. The manners of our day
are much less formal than those of an
earlier generation, but they impose of
necessity a certain degree of restraint.
Our girls and young men must remember
that it is always easy to relapse into the barbarism
from which mankind has emerged
by a slow and tedious process. As the
cultivated apple-tree tends always to return
to the wild crab, so does our civilization,
if it is not vigilantly guarded, incline
to revert to the savagery of the primitive
man. A guest should never feel obliged
to join in anything which he considers
wrong. Thus, if it is proposed to play
cards for money he should simply say,
“Can’t we arrange another table? I always
play for coffee-beans,” or make some
other half-jesting remark. In a word,
while he quietly maintains his own opinions,
he should avoid saying anything in
criticism of those who differ with him.
If he thinks it wrong to drink wine or
.bn 020.png
.pn +1
beer, or does not care to do so, he should
place his open hand palm downward
against the side of the glass when the servant
offers to fill this. Should it be filled
by mistake the guest need not feel compelled
to drink the wine. Among well-bred
people his failure to do so would cause no
comment. It is only very young and inexperienced
or extremely timid persons
who fancy that it is necessary to behave
like the proverbial sheep blindly following
the leader. A girl who should undertake
to smoke a cigarette simply because those
around her were doing so would clearly
demonstrate, not her good manners, but
her lack of backbone. In the opinion of
most people there is nothing wicked in the
use of tobacco. But the great majority of
Americans consider it in bad taste for
women to smoke, especially in public.
Doris should inquire in good season
about the trains and ascertain to which
one it will be convenient to send her. She
should never stay beyond the time for
which she was originally invited, unless under
exceptional circumstances. A week-end
visit is supposed to terminate on Monday
.bn 021.png
.pn +1
morning, or a business man may find
it necessary to leave on Sunday evening.
The out-of-town hostess does well to
select her guests from those who enjoy
out-door sports or who are fond of the
country and its amusements. Of course,
such a choice is not always possible, and
in the heat of midsummer every one likes
to have a breath of fresh air and to escape
from the noise and dust of the city
streets. For a house-party it is best to
ask persons of more or less congenial
tastes, who will therefore be likely to enjoy
the same things. While the affair will
be more successful if some of the guests
are already acquainted with one another,
an agreeable stranger may add a pleasant
variety. People who see one another constantly
in the city may find it tiresome to
meet at a week-end party.
If neither the hostess nor her deputy
goes to meet the guest at the station, some
member of the family should be on hand
to welcome the latter on her arrival at the
house. The guest-rooms should be well
aired, made warm in winter and cool in
summer. Unless the hostess has servants
.bn 022.png
.pn +1
who are thoroughly reliable, she should
visit these apartments before the arrival
of her friends and make sure that all is
in order, with everything provided for
the comfort of her guests. There should
be plenty of bed-clothes suitable for the
time of year, a supply of stationery and
sewing-materials, a few good books, a well-lighted
dressing-table, some bureau and
closet space, and ample washing facilities.
At night the visitor should always find a
pitcher or glass of drinking-water in her
room and a few crackers.
As we have already said, the hostess arranges
the programme for the visit. She
should not, however, insist too strenuously
on its strict fulfilment. The entertainment
must be fitted to the guests;
they should not be expected to fit exactly
into it, as if they were so many pegs in a
cribbage-board. The plans must be elastic;
a wide margin should be left for the tastes
and preferences of different individuals.
The hostess does well to think out beforehand,
perhaps to write down on paper, a
provisional programme for each day. But
if every one is happy playing tennis, she
.bn 023.png
.pn +1
will not drag the players out in a motor-car
simply because her schedule says,
“Tuesday, 5 o’clock, all ride in automobile”!
Her social experience has probably shown
her that two people may talk so long together
as to become utterly bored. With
an anxious eye she sees that Jack
Quarterback has been talking for half an
hour to Ida Vergil, the clever young
Latinist from Vassar. She bears down
upon them, dragging reluctant in her wake
Thomas Pundit, a prize-winner from the
verdant shades of Princeton. Now in
breaking up this particular tête-à-tête,
the châtelaine is making the mistake of her
life. Ida has been listening with the deepest
interest to Jack’s story of how he stood
X—— on his head and made the famous
end-run that saved the day for Yale. At
this moment her indifference to all the
classic authors is supreme. She greets Pundit
as coldly as if he were indeed a Latin
lexicon instead of a fairly good-looking
young man. In this magical hour the
glitter of his prizes is as nothing to her.
The over-zealous hostess perceives she
.bn 024.png
.pn +1
has made a mistake, though she played
the game according to her rules. If either
party had shown signs of distress, if Ida
had yawned behind her fan or Jack had
cast furtive glances around the room indicating
a desire to escape, Mrs. Anxious
would have been justified in her manœuver.
A certain hostess who lived not a hundred
miles from the Hub used to irritate her
guests very much by breaking up the conversation
at the expiration of what she
considered the time-limit. She entertained
so charmingly in other respects that
people enjoyed going to her house. But
they disliked very much her habit of interrupting
a talk. Most persons prefer
to direct their own affairs. The guiding
hand of the hostess should be felt rather
than seen.
While her guests may rebel at the social
maternalism which hampers their freedom
of action, they prefer Mrs. Anxious to the
inert or cold and formal house-mistress who
seems quite indifferent to their welfare.
The neglectful hostess may be lazy or inexperienced,
or she may lack the true spirit
of hospitality. In the first case her guests
.bn 025.png
.pn +1
will forgive her if she is trying to do her
best. Since laziness is a form of selfishness,
the woman who takes no pains to
provide entertainment for her friends is
seldom popular. The worst offender, however,
is the hostess who is so much occupied
with her own amusements that she
has neither time nor thought to bestow
on other people. The question naturally
arises in their minds, “Why did she invite
us? Was it simply to show us her finely
appointed household?”
During the morning hours the lady of
the house may reasonably ask to be excused.
She may be in the habit of breakfasting
in her room, while later letters and
household cares will occupy her time. If
she does not expect to appear until the
luncheon-hour, however, she should inquire
overnight whether there is anything
she can do for her guests in the morning.
Although these will usually occupy themselves
and amuse one another in the forenoon,
their entertainer will have some plans
probably for the afternoon and almost
certainly for the evening. It is wise to
arrange the night before, or betimes in
.bn 026.png
.pn +1
the morning, the programme for the day,
so that the guests will know what to expect.
If these are all young people and
the hostess an older woman, she will hardly
take part in the more active out-of-door
amusements. Where there is neither
son nor daughter of the house, as deputy
in the sports, it often happens that a
young friend acts for the lady of the
house.
The hostess should, if possible, be on
hand to receive the adieux of the departing
guests. If these are to leave in the
morning and forget to inquire overnight
about the train service, the hostess may
with perfect propriety ask at what time
they would like to start. She should do
so in a tactful way, and might say, for
instance: “At what hour are you obliged
to be in New York, Miss Y——? I
should like to let the chauffeur know to-night,
so that he may be ready in good
season to take you to the train.”
A “bread-and-butter letter” thanking
the lady of the house for her hospitality
should be written within a few days of
the visit. If the guest is a young girl she
.bn 027.png
.pn +1
should write very promptly, in order to
let her hostess know of her safe arrival at
her destination. Such a note need not
be long, but it should show a cordial appreciation
of the kindness received.
.bn 028.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch02
II||
.dv class=font85
Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and Etiquette
for the Hostess and Her Assistants—Formal and Informal
Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.6 0.7
AFTERNOON teas maintain their popularity
because they present the simplest
and easiest way of receiving one’s
circle of friends and acquaintances. Like
the magic cloak of fable, they expand or
shrink to suit the requirements and resources
of every hostess, whether she be
rich or in modest circumstances, whether
she wishes to ask several hundred persons
to a stately city mansion or half a dozen
friends to a quiet country villa. For presenting
a young girl to society they are
especially convenient. All the old family
friends will appreciate the opportunity of
.bn 029.png
.pn +1
seeing the débutante and welcoming her
to her new sphere, without going to the
trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress
and hiring a carriage. To many
elderly people, evening dances, with the
late hours, indigestible suppers, and fatigue
necessarily involved, are very distasteful.
The guest can judge of the nature of the
afternoon occasion by the style of the invitation.
For a large and formal reception,
it is usual to send out some little
time in advance engraved cards of generous
size. The name of the débutante is
placed beneath that of her mother, followed
by the statement that they will be
at home on such and such a day and hour,
at number so-and-so in a certain street.
For a smaller and less pretentious occasion,
or for a series of teas, the hostess uses her
own visiting-cards, on which her daughter’s
name may also be engraved. The day or
days and hours are sometimes written in
and sometimes engraved.
Neither of these forms of invitation
requires any answer, except that those
who are unable to attend the affair send
a visiting-card in time to reach the house
.bn 030.png
.pn +1
the same day or the day after. If there
are two hostesses (the débutante and her
mother, for instance), a lady should send
two cards. A gentleman sometimes sends
three, the third being intended for the
master of the house. No comments should
be written on these. If one desires to express
especial regret to a hostess whom
one knows fairly well, a note may accompany
the visiting-card.
The question is sometimes asked by correspondents,
“Is it obligatory to attend
a series of teas or receptions to which an
invitation has been received?” Courtesy
demands that we shall, if possible, go to
one of the occasions. Only an intimate
friend or a person especially invited would
attend all of them. Should one be unable
to go, it is not necessary to send cards
of acknowledgment until the last of the
afternoons. Persons who are in deep
mourning, or who are prevented by some
other reason from accepting the invitation,
sometimes send their cards soon after it
is received and so signify their inability
to be present.
The proper dress for guests at an afternoon
.bn 031.png
.pn +1
tea or reception is street or reception
costume. The latter, according to present
fashion, consists of silk, brocade, velvet,
or other handsome material if the wearer
is a married woman or a single one who is
no longer in her first youth. It should
not be very light in color nor very showy
if it is to be worn in a public conveyance.
The woman who appears in a very handsome
toilette should take a carriage, since
it is in bad taste to make oneself conspicuous
in train or trolley-car. Or she
may cover up her dress with a long outer
garment—called “Cache-misère” by the
French. A young girl eschews brocades
and other rich fabrics. Her reception costume
may be of woolen or silken stuff,
but it should preserve the simplicity of
style which is at once appropriate and becoming
to young people. White gloves
are demanded by the present fashion,
although some ladies wear black ones,
while the shortness of the skirts makes
dainty footgear very desirable. It is
offending against good taste as well as
against common sense, however, to walk
through the streets in the wintry season
.bn 032.png
.pn +1
clad in slippers so thin and stockings so
transparent that they make the beholder
shiver. They look as much out-of-place
as heavy furs in the heat of summer.
For teas in the country greater informality
is permissible, some young and
pretty women appearing in golfing or
skating costume, with red sweater and cap
to match. Such a dress is not to be recommended
for general wear, however, few
persons having the air and distinction
necessary to carry it off.
The conventional costume for men at
an afternoon reception is “formal afternoon
dress”—i.e., black cutaway or frock-coat,
black or fancy waistcoat, dark,
striped trousers, patent-leather shoes, and
an Ascot or four-in-hand tie. A dark-gray
cutaway suit (coat, waistcoat, and trousers
all being of the same material) may also
be worn. It must be confessed, however,
that men now appear in a diversity of costumes
on these occasions. At tea-dances
they dress as they find convenient.
The lady of the house wears a gown of
silk, satin, velvet, or other handsome material
made with a train, and either high or
.bn 033.png
.pn +1
somewhat cut out in the neck. Bare
throats are much in vogue at the present
moment, but it is thought in better taste to
reserve the full décolleté dress for late dinner
and evening wear. Some hostesses put on
gloves for a formal reception, others do
not. The ladies who pour tea or assist in
receiving the guests arrive early and appear
in a costume similar to that of the
hostess. They usually remove their hats,
although the older women sometimes prefer
to keep them on. A white frock of a
thin, transparent material, made simply
and with little trimming, is the prettiest
costume for the débutante. According to
the present fashion this is often cut almost
as low in the neck as an evening
dress. The young friends who act as her
assistants wear similar gowns of some light
color. If they choose silken fabrics, these
should be of light weight.
On arriving, the visitor should leave her
cards on the hall-table, unless the person
opening the door carries a salver for them.
At a large tea there is usually a dressing-room,
where the guest may leave her outer
wraps, with the exception of her hat.
.bn 034.png
.pn +1
This she always retains. When she reaches
the door of the drawing-room, a man-servant
may ask her name for the purpose
of announcing it to the hostess. At a
large reception, where many people may
be present whom the lady of the house
knows very slightly, such a reminder is
very convenient. In a small country
place or suburban town, where all are
acquainted, it would obviously be out of
place.
If a guest hears her own name bawled
out in stentorian tones, it reminds her that
her first duty on entering the drawing-room
is to find the hostess and shake hands
with her. While the present tango craze
lasts this will sometimes be difficult. With
old and young spinning about the room
like so many dancing dervishes, the visitor
must thread her way warily between the
couples, lest she be run down as by a
motor-car. In order to prevent such a
catastrophe, the New York hostess who
is giving a tea-dance receives her guests
in the tea-room; or if she does so in the
drawing-room she arranges to have the end
where she stands kept clear of dancers.
.bn 035.png
.pn +1
On the left of the hostess stands the
débutante, who is presented to the women
guests by her mother, the men being introduced
to her. There may be assistant
hostesses in the receiving-line, or they may
be scattered about the rooms doing the
honors of the house. The visitor would
probably like to have a little chat with
the lady of the house before passing on,
especially if she knows few persons in the
room. If she arrives at the crowded hour
when a stream of people are entering, she
must only delay for a moment. It is
usually possible by watching one’s chance
to return later when the crowd has entered
the dining-room and the hostesses
have a little leisure to chat with those
who really wish to see them. A courteous
person is careful to pay due attention to
the lady of the house and to have some
talk with her should opportunity offer.
If the guest finds any acquaintances, she
will enjoy the occasion; if she does not,
she may agree with the masculine verdict
that “Teas are a bore.”
It is the pleasant province of the assistant
hostesses—usually young friends of the
.bn 036.png
.pn +1
daughter of the house—to look after the
welfare of the guests, especially of those
who appear to be strangers. The conversation,
it is true, is brief and perfunctory.
It is limited usually to an invitation
to go into the dining-room, the visitor
mumbling an acceptance and moving in
the direction indicated. To be thus made
welcome, however, by a young girl of gracious
manners gives a personal touch of
hospitality that is very agreeable. The
assistant hostesses address in this way persons
whom they do not know, as well as
friends and acquaintances.
Arrived at that Mecca of afternoon teas,
the dining-room, one does not on a formal
occasion remove one’s gloves, albeit
it seems rather a foolish fashion to hold
sandwiches with fingers clad in white kid.
Here the young girls who assist in waiting
upon the guests have the advantage, as
they may remove their gloves if they please.
The dining-room is the center of attraction
on these occasions, not only on account of
the refreshments, but because it usually
seems brighter and gayer than the other
apartments, unless dancing is going on
.bn 037.png
.pn +1
elsewhere. The guests should resist the
temptation to linger there, however, as the
room is apt to grow hot and overcrowded.
Since there is not usually room for all at
the same time, evidently one should take
one’s turn.
It is not necessary to stay long at an
afternoon tea. During the height of the
season in a large city, many of these affairs
take place on the same afternoon, the
guests going from one to another. It suffices
to remain from a quarter to a half
hour. At a small and friendly “tea” or
at a house where one feels much at home,
people stay longer if they are amused.
One should take leave of the hostess, unless
she is so surrounded with people as
to make this difficult.
At a large reception, the coming and going
of a constant stream of guests makes
it necessary for the lady of the house to
remain in her place or very near it throughout
the afternoon. She usually stands in
the drawing-room near enough to the entrance
to be readily accessible, and yet far
enough away to prevent the blocking of
the doorway. A crowd would be apt to
.bn 038.png
.pn +1
form there if the guests stopped at once
to speak to the hostess. She should shake
hands cordially with all. The débutante
does the same, although she may, if she
prefer, simply bow or courtesy to the gentlemen.
She remains beside her mother
throughout the afternoon, or certainly until
all the guests have arrived. At a small
tea the hostess feels at liberty to move
about more freely. She may even enter
the dining-room late in the afternoon, although
she must be careful to return to
her position should there be late-comers.
For a large and formal occasion in the
city, a carpet for the sidewalk is provided,
and usually an awning. A man is stationed
at the curbstone to open the doors of the
carriages and to give checks to the guests
and the drivers or chauffeurs. A servant,
usually a man, stands at the front door,
opening it as soon as a guest appears.
One or more maids are in the dressing-room
ready to assist the ladies. If a great
many guests are expected, there are checks
for the coats. We have already said that
a man-servant should be stationed just
outside the door of the drawing-room,
.bn 039.png
.pn +1
if the names are to be announced. In
the dining-room two or more caterer’s
assistants or expert waitresses will be
needed to wait upon the guests.
The pouring of the tea is such a characteristic
and pleasant feature of these
occasions that it is seen often, although
not always, at large and formal receptions.
For smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable.
An assistant hostess usually
presides at each end of the table, one
pouring coffee, chocolate, or bouillon, the
other tea. In summer cool beverages,
such as lemonade, fruit-punch, or wine-cup,
may be used; but where older people are
present, tea, either iced or hot, is almost
indispensable. Whatever the season of
the year, if the day is cold and wet a
warm drink should be provided. Sandwiches
of many kinds, little cakes, bonbons,
and salted nuts are the usual refreshments,
to which ices are often added,
and occasionally salads and oysters. The
latter are more appropriate for a reception
to which men are asked than to a tea.
The young friends of the débutante should
keep a watchful eye on the guests to see
.bn 040.png
.pn +1
that all are served. They themselves often
act as amateur waitresses. It is very charming
to see a young and pretty girl seated
behind the tea-urn. Candor compels us
to admit, however, that the quality of the
beverage is more likely to be satisfactory
when a person of some experience officiates.
We do not forget that fair and blooming
Hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods, and
we are delighted to have her modern representative
serve in that capacity. But
why, oh why, was she removed to make
room for Ganymede? In the absence
of precise information, it is our opinion
that she attempted not only to pour
out, but to concoct, the nectar of Mount
Olympus. Being young and giddy, she
presumably gave honey to some gouty old
deity to whom all sweets were forbidden,
hence lost her position.
It is not a very difficult thing to make a
good cup of tea, but it needs a little practice
and undivided attention. Since most
persons now like the beverage very weak,
there should be a large supply of hot water,
and this should be frequently replenished.
Little wire contrivances can be purchased
.bn 041.png
.pn +1
to take the place of the silver tea-ball;
or a number of small bags may be made
by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry
leaves in a piece of cheese-cloth. Boiling
water is poured over the tea, or the latter
is immersed for a moment in a cup which
has just been filled with hot water. It
should be withdrawn very quickly, in
order to avoid the unpleasant and unwholesome
taste produced by allowing
the leaves to steep in the hot fluid.
For large and formal receptions, music
of a rather subdued character is sometimes
provided. A stringed orchestra of three
or four pieces may be stationed in a convenient
nook or corner, partially screened
from view by tall plants in pots or other
variety of greenery. This convention
makes one smile, because the stout German
musicians are plainly visible among
the foliage, their spectacled faces and
rotund figures contrasting curiously with
the sylvan groves in which they are immured.
Doubtless the arrangement conduces
to their comfort, however, and protects
them from the careless feet of
passers-by. If a costumed band is employed,
.bn 042.png
.pn +1
it is placed where it can be seen
and admired. If there is to be dancing,
the music is of a louder and more pronounced
character. According to the fashion
of the moment, there is such a beating
of drums as would delight the heart of the
simple savage in his forest wilds.
The floral decorations may be few and
simple or elaborate and profuse, as the
taste and means of the hostess dictate. At
a reception for a débutante, the drawing-rooms
may be filled to overflowing with
bouquets and cut flowers sent by friends
and admirers. It is now the fashion to
greet the young girl in this charming way,
strewing her path with fragrant blossoms,
figuratively speaking. Many of these come,
doubtless, from the family connections,
but any friend or acquaintance is at liberty
to send flowers in moderation. Obviously,
it would not be in good taste
for a young man who was only slightly
acquainted with the débutante to order
a very large and expensive bouquet for
her coming-out reception. In a large city
it is possible to engage the services of a
florist for an hour or two, in order to arrange
.bn 043.png
.pn +1
the floral gifts quickly and to the
best advantage. Otherwise the family
may be overwhelmed by the sudden
avalanche of sweet blossoms, and the
supply of vases available may give out
early in the day.
For a formal reception in winter artificial
light is ordinarily used, the shutters
being closed or the shades drawn down.
At an informal tea it is pleasant to have
the daylight as long as it lasts; but one
should turn on the electricity or the gas
before the rooms begin to grow dim and
gloomy. As the season advances and the
days become longer, most people find it
refreshing to let in the sunlight.
For a small and informal tea it suffices
to have two maid-servants in attendance.
The waitress removes the cups and spoons
as soon as they have been used, brings in
fresh supplies, and assists in passing tea
and cake to the guests. The other woman
opens the door, washes the tea-things in
the butler’s pantry, and helps wherever
she is needed. At a studio or an apartment
house in the city, or in a quiet village
in the country, the hostess and her friends
.bn 044.png
.pn +1
sometimes attend to all these duties themselves.
The dish-washing must, of course,
be conducted in a separate room, or in
case of necessity it may take place behind
a screen. The young girls slip on big
aprons for this task and make merry over
it. Tea-biscuits, little fancy cakes, and
bonbons are the refreshments usually provided.
Sandwiches are very popular, but
they are rather troublesome to make and
expensive to buy because of the labor
involved. A “curate’s assistant” is a convenient
adjunct for a small tea. Cake,
buns, muffins, and buttered toast may be
passed on this little three-storied stand.
A reception for a débutante is often followed
by a dinner or a supper for the young
friends who have assisted her. Young
men may be asked to this, and there will
perhaps be an informal dance afterward.
A supper is found by experience to be
better than a dinner, because the consumption
of sandwiches and other viands
at the tea takes the edge off every one’s
appetite.
It must be said that the thé dansant
has taken the place of the ordinary afternoon
.bn 045.png
.pn +1
tea to a considerable extent. Alas
for the elderly dowagers who found the
latter so enjoyable! There is no room
for them at the dancing-tea, and they are
not invited because they would be sure
to come if they were! These affairs are
held at Ladies’ Clubs or at private houses.
A number of young girls come without
their hats and act as hostess’s assistants.
They mingle with the guests and help in
introducing partners to the young women.
As has been said elsewhere in this chapter,
the hostess usually receives in the tea-room
on these occasions.
.bn 046.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch03
III||
.dv class=font85
How to Give Them and What to Wear—Etiquette
of the Buffet Luncheon—Entertaining Distinguished
Strangers.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.2 0.65
IN the days of our grandmothers it was
the custom in this country to dine in
the middle of the day or in the early afternoon.
Children then, as now, carried
bread-and-butter, cookies, or some light
refreshment to school. The members of
the family who remained at home either
ate nothing between breakfast and dinner
or took a light lunch if the interval were
very long. It must be remembered that
the old-fashioned heavy American breakfast
stayed the pangs of hunger for a considerable
period of time. We are shocked
in these days at the idea of eating heartily
in the early morning. We must not forget
.bn 047.png
.pn +1
that in the middle of the last century
the light evening tea or supper,
as it was called, was much less satisfying
than our modern late dinner. Hence every
one was quite ready and hungry for breakfast.
Luncheon as a formal meal was then almost
unknown in America. People who
wished to entertain friends early in the
day, and who were familiar with English
customs, occasionally gave a breakfast.
With the adoption of the late dinner the
evolution of luncheon as a midday repast
naturally followed. Lunch-parties have
long been extremely popular in this country.
They have completely overshadowed
their older sister, the “breakfast,” so that
the latter term is not often applied to midday
entertainments, except under certain
circumstances. Thus we speak of the
collation served at a morning wedding as
a “breakfast,” and the word is also used
to describe club festivities. The lunch-party
being usually a ladies’ affair, it is
sometimes said that the presence of men
changes the function to a breakfast. For
the rest, the two forms of entertainment
.bn 048.png
.pn +1
are very much alike save that the earlier
meal, in order to deserve its name, should
take place not later than twelve or soon
after, and should be simpler and less formal
in its appointments than the later one.
Thus, plain linen napery would be more appropriate
than a cloth trimmed with lace.
A breakfast usually begins with fruit, and
includes a course of eggs served in some
form. Otherwise the bill of fare is very
much like that of a lunch, save that it is
shorter, and ices and wines are not served
except at large and formal functions.
Occasionally some enterprising hostess
invites a few friends to a breakfast that
really deserves its name, the hour being
nine or half-past nine o’clock. Travelers
of distinction whose time is much occupied
may still be open to engagements in the
early morning. A meal of this sort must
necessarily be brief and informal. Oranges,
melons, or whatever fruit is in season,
cereal with cream, eggs and bacon or
omelette, broiled chicken, toast or muffins
with orange marmalade or some other
kind of jam would make a good menu.
Indeed, the chicken could be omitted
.bn 049.png
.pn +1
where only one or two guests were expected.
The lady of the house should
preside over the tea and coffee equipage,
thus giving the personal touch of hospitality
which is not possible at a more
ceremonious meal. Chocolate also may
be served. Breakfast plates of good size
should be used, and in winter these should
be warmed for the hot course or courses.
The hostess may wear a pretty morning
gown or street dress (with the exception
of the hat), if she expects to go out after
breakfast. The guests leave soon after
the meal is over. The women wear a
simple street costume; or, if they are
about to take part in some sport, they
may appear in tennis, shooting, or other
special dress. They do not remove their
hats. There was an attempt made recently
in New York to introduce the dancing-breakfast,
the guests leaving the table and
executing the hesitation waltz or the one-step
between the courses. The experiment
does not seem likely to be repeated.
Luncheon is, in theory at least, always
an informal meal. Hence the invitations
are usually conveyed in the form of a
.bn 050.png
.pn +1
friendly note or given over the telephone.
Some hostesses use a partly engraved card
for their invitations to luncheon, filling in
the date, hour, and name of guest. For a
club or similar function the invitations
are usually engraved. The guests may be
few or many, as the hostess pleases. She
must take into consideration, however, the
size of her dining-table and of her rooms.
There must be space enough for the attendants
to pass around the former without
crowding the guests.
The young and inexperienced house-mistress
may need a word of caution about
her china and glass. Unless she wishes
to invest in new dishes, she should take an
inventory of them before issuing her invitations.
It is awkward to ask eight
guests and then find your best dessert-plates
are a half-dozen set. While plates,
forks, etc., may be washed, and so be used
a second time at the same meal, it is
better to have enough on hand for the
entire luncheon. Washing delays the service,
a thing now considered very undesirable.
For the woman who possesses a
handsome dining-table it is customary to
.bn 051.png
.pn +1
use a centerpiece and place doilies, thus
showing a portion of the polished wood.
A white linen table-cloth is always in good
style, however, no matter what the fad of
the moment may be.
The centerpieces for the bare table now
come of generous size, being virtually
miniature lunch-cloths. Some are composed
entirely of lace, and some have a
border of that material. The accompanying
place doilies should have a pad or a
piece of canton flannel beneath them, to
protect the table from the heat of the
dishes. A vase, rose-bowl, or loving-cup
filled with flowers is placed in the middle
of the table. If this is set on a silver salver
it adds to the decorative effect. Two or
four smaller vases of corresponding shape
and material may be placed in such a way
as to form a hollow square around the
central one, standing at some distance
from it. A handsome dish of fruit makes
an effective centerpiece, or two dishes
may form part of the decorative scheme,
one being placed on either side of the
table. If artificial light is to be used, two
candelabra or four single candlesticks may
.bn 052.png
.pn +1
be set in the spaces between the vases.
The shades of these should correspond in
color with the flowers. Where there is
good daylight, however, it is in the opinion
of the writer greatly to be preferred.
Little dishes of olives, radishes, celery—hors
d’œuvres, as they are called—small
fancy cakes, bonbons, and fruit, either
fresh or dried, add to the decorative effect.
A salt-cellar and pepper-pot may be put at
each place, at each corner of the table, or
on the edge of the centerpiece or lunch-cloth,
where it is sufficiently large to bring
them within easy reach. A bread-and-butter
plate, with miniature silver knife,
is provided for each person. It should
stand at the left, where two or three silver
forks—as many as will be needed before
the sweet course—are also placed. At the
right there should be a goblet or tumbler,
a napkin with a roll or piece of bread folded
in it, and one or more knives as occasion
may require. If the bones are left in the
fish, a silver knife should be provided for
it, and one is sometimes put on for the
salad. Since at luncheon soup is eaten
out of cups with two handles instead of
.bn 053.png
.pn +1
from plates, a dessert-spoon or large teaspoon
is set at the right or at the top of
each place. If there is grape-fruit, a fruit-spoon
or teaspoon will also be needed.
One finger-roll, or two rolls if they are very
small, may be put in each bread-and-butter
plate, instead of in the napkin.
The serving of wine at luncheon is rapidly
going out of fashion. A hostess belonging
to the older generation sometimes offers
her guests Rhine wine—a light, white wine—or,
if there are men present, sherry or claret.
In this case a wine-glass is set beside
the water-goblet at the right of each place,
and a decanter is placed on the sideboard.
Wine-cup, fruit-punch, and similar beverages
are served from a glass pitcher, lemonade
cups or small tumblers being substituted
for wine-glasses. Slender, narrow
tumblers are also used for Apollinaris and
other effervescent waters, which are often
served instead of wine. At a formal lunch
the service is all from the side-table, no
dishes being set on the dinner-table with
the exception of the ornamental ones mentioned
above. At an informal luncheon
or dinner, the carving may be done by
.bn 054.png
.pn +1
the head of the house, in accordance with
the pleasant old custom. Many people
prefer this method, thinking it shows more
hospitality than the service à la Russe.
An experienced waitress or butler can
attend to the wants of six persons; but
for a formal lunch-party it is usual to have
the assistance of a second maid or man
when half a dozen or more are present. In
houses where there is much entertaining,
the parlor-maid or chambermaid is expected
to help the butler or waitress whenever
the number of guests makes this desirable.
In all large cities and in suburban towns
of good size it is easy to hire a cook or a
waitress for the day. The correct dress
for the latter is a plain black-stuff dress,
white apron with bretelles, a plain linen
collar and cuffs. To this a little white cap
is added, unless the maid objects to wearing
it on the ground that it is too much like
a livery. In a free and democratic country
no man or woman should be obliged
to wear the latter. That it is a badge
of servitude, Thackeray long ago demonstrated
in his inimitable manner. Where
a butler is employed he wears morning
.bn 055.png
.pn +1
costume at luncheon—that is to say, black
coat and waistcoat, dark trousers, and
black necktie.
The hostess should make out her bill of
fare in good season, as some of the dishes—the
soup, for instance—will need to be
cooked on the day preceding the luncheon.
A bride may be tempted by the alluring
advertisements bidding her to “add hot
water and serve.” The older matron
knows that the stock prepared at home
from fresh meat makes soup that is
much superior to the ready-made article.
In a large city one can procure many
excellent dishes at the confectioner’s and
pastry-cook’s. For a large buffet luncheon,
as for a ball supper, the hostess should
issue her order to some reliable firm of
caterers. For a lunch-party of smaller
size, she should endeavor to have the dishes
cooked in her own kitchen. Almost every
one now prefers home to hotel cooking, if
the former is all that it should be. We
should advise the young hostess, therefore,
if she or her maid has a fair understanding
of the culinary art, to have the main
staples of her bill of fare prepared at home.
.bn 056.png
.pn +1
Certain articles it is usual to order from
the caterer, such as patty-shells and ices.
Home-made ice-cream composed of real
cream is the best of all, but it takes
time and trouble to prepare. It is well
to test the excellence of a recipe in the
privacy of the family before offering it to
guests.
The bill of fare for a luncheon is usually
briefer now than formerly, the emphasis
being laid on the quality of the food
rather than on the quantity. Fruit, soup,
fish, chicken or chops, salad, a sweet course,
and coffee make a menu that is amply
sufficient for most people. It may be extended
by the addition of an entrée—sweetbreads
creamed or mushrooms, perhaps—between
the fish and the meat
course. The fish may be omitted, or it may
“suffer a sea-change” and become oyster
soup. A delicious bill of fare recently offered
at a lunch for six ladies consisted of
grape-fruit, oyster soup, fricasseed chicken
served with sweet potatoes and string-beans,
lettuce salad, brandied peaches surrounded
with whipped cream, coffee, little
cakes, and candies. The bill of fare may
.bn 057.png
.pn +1
be varied in a great many ways, and
lengthened or shortened to suit the tastes
and circumstances of the hostess and the
season of the year. A lady entertaining
two or three friends at lunch very informally
could offer them simply two or three
courses with coffee or chocolate. These
would be soup, chicken or some other form
of meat with vegetables, and a sweet dish.
When the weather becomes warm in the
spring, the soup would be replaced by salad
served after the meat.
In summer cold dishes are popular, but
it is always well to have one or more hot
courses. Certain old-fashioned hostesses
still serve tea at luncheon, pouring it out
themselves, and perhaps making it at the
table. The prevalence of the afternoon
tea-drinking habit has resulted in banishing
the “cup that cheers but does not inebriate”
from the noonday meal in many
houses.
The hostess wears a pretty house gown
or street dress, as she prefers. She will
choose the latter if she is going out as soon
as her friends leave. She does not, however,
wear a hat. The guests come in
.bn 058.png
.pn +1
street or reception costume, brocades being
much worn at the present time by older
women. They are invited to leave their
outer wraps in the hall, the reception-room
on the ground floor, or up-stairs, as the hostess
may find most convenient. They keep
on hat and gloves, however, the latter
being removed when they sit down at the
table. These may be turned back at the
wrist should it be inconvenient to take
them off altogether.
Guests should arrive at the hour named
or within five minutes afterward. It is
usual to wait a quarter of an hour for a
late-comer. To delay longer might interfere
with the engagements of the other
guests, besides spoiling the food. If the
hostess has inefficient servants or only one
maid, she may find it necessary to excuse
herself in order to inspect the arrangements
of the table at the last moment.
In this case it is well to have a friend who
will take the place of the hostess during
her brief absence.
The luncheon is announced in the same
way as dinner (see #Chapter IV:ch04#). The
entrance to the dining-room is informal,
.bn 059.png
.pn +1
the hostess leading the way, taking with
her, perhaps, the oldest lady or the guest
of honor. The others follow without special
order, save that married women precede
young girls. If there are men present
they come last. Usually a relative or
familiar friend of the hostess takes the foot
of the table opposite the latter. The guest
of honor sits at the right of the lady of the
house; the other places of distinction are at
her left and at the right and left of the
assistant hostess. Unless the occasion is
a very formal one, however, a hostess will
pay more attention to seating her guests
beside congenial neighbors than to arranging
them with strict regard to precedence.
It is now usual to serve coffee in the
drawing-room at the conclusion of the
luncheon in order to avoid the fatigue of
sitting too long at table.
The guests depart soon after the conclusion
of the meal, as the hostess may have
other engagements to fulfil. In New York
the whole lunch-party may vanish in ten
or fifteen minutes. If the ladies are not
in haste or are having a very pleasant time,
they remain longer. In the country they
.bn 060.png
.pn +1
would be very apt to do so. At a formal
luncheon the guest of honor should be the
first to take leave. A lady who has some
pressing engagement may excuse herself
without waiting for the former.
A buffet luncheon is served from the
sideboard or from the dining-table, the
guests sitting about the room. It is a
convenient form of entertainment where
many people are to be provided for, or
where it is uncertain how many will be
present. The bill of fare should consist
for the most part of articles that do not
require cutting up, since it is difficult to
manage this with a plate resting upon one’s
knees. Sandwiches, salads, oysters, croquettes,
and bouillon are all appropriate,
with coffee, ices, cake, and bonbons. At
a simpler luncheon, jellies or other sweet
dishes may be substituted for the ices.
Terrapin, cold salmon, and other expensive
dainties may be added to the bill of fare
if the host desires. If only a small number
of persons are present, so that all can be
seated at the same time, guests have
everything passed to them by the servants
in attendance. The fashion of the moment
.bn 061.png
.pn +1
is to use little squares of soft, embroidered
linen for luncheon; but these do
not afford enough protection for the dress
where one eats from the lap, and larger
napkins are to be preferred for this purpose
at a buffet lunch. Where no servants
are present the lady of the house,
assisted by one or two friends, waits on the
guests. It is less formal, however, when
the hostess asks all to help themselves.
If there are men present they wait upon
the ladies. This method of service is
apt to be extravagant, however, since the
amateur waiters often give portions that
are unduly large. It is better to have
some one possessed of knowledge and experience
to help to the various dishes at
the table, the gentlemen then passing the
plates to the ladies.
.bn 062.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch04
IV||
.dv class=font85
Invitations and How to Answer Them—Telephone
Invitations—Hints for the Young Hostess—Dress for
Men and for Women—Entering and Leaving the
Dining-room—Etiquette of the Formal Dinner—When
to Arrive and When to Leave—Dressing-rooms—Dinner-calls.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.55 0.7
AN engraved card is now used for the
invitations to a formal dinner, spaces
being left blank for the day, hour, and
name of guest, as for instance:
.pm centered-start
Mr. and Mrs. George Hazleton
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Allen’s
company at dinner
on Thursday, April the ninth, at eight o’clock
Thirty-three Hamilton Place
.nf-
The invitations are given in the name
of husband and wife. A widow living
.bn 063.png
.pn +1
with a grown-up son would add his name,
as a widower would that of a daughter in
society.
Dinner invitations may be written in
the third person, or for an informal occasion
in the first. Small sheets of perfectly
plain white note-paper of the best quality,
with envelopes to match, are always good
form. In a democratic country crests
are in questionable taste, although some
persons use them, embossed in white.
The address is often engraved in small and
simple lettering at the top of the page.
In the gay season in a large city, invitations
to a formal dinner are sent out two
weeks or more beforehand. In Washington
the guests are sometimes invited a
month in advance. For an informal occasion
a week or less suffices. Invitations by
telephone are now extremely popular, but
they have some decided disadvantages.
The person invited, being suddenly held
up at the point of a gun, as it were, is
likely to forget some other engagement for
the same day and hour, or she may feel
constrained to accept when she would prefer
to decline. As she has no written record
.bn 064.png
.pn +1
of the invitation, it may slip her memory.
Hence hostesses who are very exact
send a note, in addition to speaking to their
friends over the telephone. It is, of course,
extremely convenient to do this when engagements
must be made at short notice.
A hostess desiring to arrange a dinner or
other occasion in honor of a certain guest,
may ascertain over the telephone whether
he can come on a certain evening, and
then invite other friends to meet him.
The answer to an invitation to dinner
should be sent as promptly as possible,
within twenty-four hours at the latest.
As husband and wife are always invited
together, except to a stag dinner, so both
must either accept or send regrets. It is
not good form for one to go without the
other, unless to the house of a near relation
or an intimate friend. An exception is
sometimes made to this rule in the case
of a married couple of widely divergent
tastes. Thus a literary man who is fond
of society may have a wife who does not
like to dine out, or whose health does not
permit her to do so. If he is a very agreeable
and popular person, it soon comes to
.bn 065.png
.pn +1
be understood among their friends that
he will accept invitations while his wife
cannot. Although this dispensation is occasionally
granted to men and women of
unusual charm and ability, the average
citizen is expected to adhere strictly to the
rule given above.
The answer to a dinner invitation must
also be definite and exact. If Mrs. Jones
is uncertain whether or not she or her
husband will be able to attend the dinner,
she must send regrets for both. The
answer should correspond in form with the
invitation. “Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jones
regret very much their inability to accept
the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd
Griswold for dinner on April eleventh,” or
“regret extremely that a previous engagement
prevents their accepting,” etc. The
day and hour should be repeated in an
acceptance, to guard against possible mistakes.
A dinner engagement must never be
broken except in case of sickness or death.
Should one fall ill or be obliged for any
imperative reason to withdraw the acceptance
of the invitation, the hostess
.bn 066.png
.pn +1
should be notified at once in order that
she may if possible fill the place left vacant.
For men the proper costume for late dinner
(at six o’clock or after) is regulation
evening dress—i.e., black swallow-tail
coat, with trousers to match, low-cut white
waistcoat, white dress-shirt, white lawn
tie, pumps or patent-leather shoes, and
black socks. Some men, especially those
of the older generation, still follow the
earlier fashion which prescribed a black
waistcoat. The latter is also worn with
mourning costume. At stag dinners and
small informal occasions the dinner-jacket
replaces the swallow-tail coat and is accompanied
by a plain black-silk tie. This
must be freshly fastened whenever worn. A
“made” tie of any sort is considered among
men to be in direct violation of all rules of
social decorum. We do not pretend to understand
why, but it is one of the unalterable
laws of masculine etiquette. A white
waistcoat is never worn with a dinner-jacket.
For a formal dinner the proper
costume for women is a low-necked evening
gown, with sleeves either very short or of
the length required by the fashion prevailing
.bn 067.png
.pn +1
at the moment. It is by no means
necessary that the bodice should be extremely
décolleté. Long gloves, white or
delicately tinted, dress-slippers, and silk
stockings complete the costume. The
foot-gear may match the dress or it may
be white or black. Ornaments may be
worn in the hair, varying with the fashion
of the day. Elderly women often substitute
a dress cut out slightly at the neck,
with elbow or transparent sleeves, for
the regulation décolleté gown. Those who
catch cold very easily have their dresses
cut accordingly.
For an informal dinner the usual costume
in America is of the sort just described.
Young women select light colors
as a rule. Velvets, heavy brocades, and
similar materials appropriate for matrons
are out of place in the toilette of young
girls. Those who follow the English fashion
wear décolleté costume whether they
dine at home or abroad. The custom is
by no means general in this country, however.
One should arrive at the hour named in
the invitation or five minutes later. In
.bn 068.png
.pn +1
the city it is a decided mistake to come
earlier, as the hostess may not be ready
to receive her friends. Doubtless she
should be, but the fact remains that in the
rush and hurry of town life she sometimes
does not descend to the drawing-room until
the last moment. Guests coming from
a distance may find it difficult to calculate
exactly the time required to make the
trip to the house of the hostess. In this
case, a lady arriving before the time would
explain the matter to the person opening
the door. She might say: “Please do not
disturb Mrs. So-and-so. I know that I
am too early, and will wait in the drawing-room
until she is ready to receive her
friends.” In the country, where people
do not have so many engagements and
where the means of communication are
slower and less certain, guests often arrive
a little before the hour named, thinking
this better than to risk being late and so
causing the hostess inconvenience.
A dressing-room should be provided for
the ladies. This should contain a mirror
and dressing-table furnished with brush
and comb, pins, hair-pins, and other small
.bn 069.png
.pn +1
accessories of the feminine toilette. A
maid is usually in attendance to assist in
the removal of wraps. A second room
may be arranged for the men, or they may
leave their coats and hats in the hall.
They also will need a mirror, and a man-servant
may help them to take off and
later to put on their overshoes and greatcoats.
At a formal dinner each man receives
a diminutive envelope containing a
card with the name of the lady whom he is
to take in to dinner. This may be handed
to him on a salver by the butler or the
waitress when he arrives, or he may find
it in the dressing-room. According to a
novel method, the envelope is omitted
and a square card made to double into a
long shape is used. On the inside are engraved
the words:
.pm centered-start
Will you kindly escort
........................................
to dinner?
.pm centered-end
.ni
The hostess fills in the name of the lady
and puts that of the gentleman on the
outside.
.bn 070.png
.pn +1
.pi
Mr. Ward McAllister tells us in his
book that this is a Boston fashion, and
that the New York hostesses of his day
were returning to the old method “of assigning
the guests in the drawing-room.”
While the last-mentioned way is to be
preferred for small and informal dinners,
cards are convenient for ceremonious functions.
A bashful young man suggests to
us that they have the advantage of giving
the gentleman a few minutes to think over
what he shall say to his dinner-partner
before he goes up to speak to her.
It is no longer the custom to enter the
drawing-room arm-in-arm. A gentleman
waits until the ladies of his party appear
at the door of their dressing-room, and
then follows them into the drawing-room.
Here the host and hostess should be standing
in readiness to give their guests a cordial
welcome. The gentleman very soon
seeks the lady whom he is to take into
dinner. If he is not acquainted with her
he asks the host or hostess to present him.
On a less formal occasion there would be
no cards, the lady of the house asking each
man to take in a certain lady.
.bn 071.png
.pn +1
The cook should be told beforehand at
what hour the dinner will be served. This
is usually fifteen minutes after that named
in the invitations. The butler or waitress
should also be informed of the number of
guests expected, in order that he or she may
not announce dinner until all have arrived.
The hostess herself must decide whether to
wait beyond the quarter of an hour for a
tardy guest or to order dinner served. In
justice to the friends already assembled she
will not in any event delay long.
When all is in readiness the butler or
waitress advances a little way into the
room, saying in a low voice, “Dinner is
served.” If the dining-room is next door,
it suffices to draw the portières or open the
folding-doors. At a formal dinner the host
offers his right arm to the wife of the guest
of honor, and with her leads the way to the
table. The other couples all follow arm-in-arm,
the hostess coming last with the
most distinguished man present or with
the one for whom the dinner is given. In
official circles in Washington, as in European
society, the question of precedence is
a very serious one. The hosts must arrange
.bn 072.png
.pn +1
with great care the procession to
the dining-room, in order that each person
may have his proper place. In other
American cities and towns the rules are
much less strict. The younger make way
for the older, and married women take
precedence of single ones.
If the guests are invited to meet a married
couple, the host will take in the wife,
seating her at his right, and the hostess
will go in with the husband, who will sit
at her right. A bride is usually awarded
the place of honor, a clergyman and his
wife receiving similar recognition. A hostess
sometimes enters the dining-room with
the man who is to sit on her left—the second
most honorable place. Each gentleman
assists in seating the lady under his
charge, unless this office is performed by
a servant. If a clergyman is present he
is usually asked to say grace. On sitting
down at table the ladies remove their
gloves and endeavor not to drop them
upon the floor. Since a silken lap is very
slippery, it is difficult to prevent this.
Men, however, rather dislike being obliged
to dive head foremost under the table in
.bn 073.png
.pn +1
order to recover fan, handkerchief, or
gloves for the thoughtless fair. The large
dinner-napkin is partially unfolded and
spread out over the knees, not tucked into
a buttonhole.
The table is covered with a white damask
cloth of the best quality. According to the
present fashion, the centerpiece should be
white. It may be of lace or embroidery,
but never of a material that will not wash.
A lace or lace-trimmed cloth showing the
bare table around the edges is sometimes
used for dinner. The arrangement and
decoration are much the same as at a
lunch-party. Since dinner is the most
formal of all meals, the hostess uses her
handsomest silver, glass, and china, as well
as an abundance of beautiful flowers.
Bread-and-butter plates are banished
from the table. At a formal dinner butter
does not appear, the theory being that the
flavoring and sauces make it unnecessary.
If it is used it should be passed from the
sideboard, and a small individual butter-plate
set at the left of each place. Here
also are two or three forks, with the tines
turned up. At the right are laid a dinner-knife,
.bn 074.png
.pn +1
a silver fish-knife (if one will be
required), a tablespoon or soup-spoon, and
a tumbler or goblet. The napkin, containing
a roll or thick piece of bread, is
put on the empty or “place” plate or at
the right. The little fork for raw oysters
is put here also instead of on the left with
the other forks. If wine is to be served
the glass or glasses are set beside the
water-goblet.
The publication by the insurance companies
of tables showing that even a moderate
use of alcohol tends to shorten life
has given additional impetus to the temperance
movement. The great growth of
this is damaging to the interests of the
dealers in wine. It is amusing to find
that certain Frenchmen regard it as a dark
conspiracy formed in the interests of the
dealers in mineral waters. Whether this
charge is true or not, it is certain that the
use of wine at dinners has greatly diminished
in the United States. Cocktails are
sometimes offered in the drawing-room as
a substitute for wine at dinner. If ladies
are among the guests, these should be made
very mild. It is perfectly proper to decline
.bn 075.png
.pn +1
them, or indeed wine in any form.
Where this is not served, whiskey and
water may be offered to the men. To
foreigners who are accustomed to taking
wine with their dinner, it is a privation to
go without it. A host who is entertaining
foreign guests should bear this in mind,
even if he himself is a teetotaler. A nice
question of ethics here arises. If a man
thinks it wicked to offer wine to any one,
should he feel obliged to place it on his
table? Each person must answer this
according to the dictates of his own conscience.
According to the old rule, sherry is the
wine served with soup, claret and champagne
with the roast. Some hosts offer
their guests hock or sauterne with the
soup, and champagne later in the meal.
Others give claret or champagne alone.
The last-named should be cooled on ice.
A napkin is fastened around the neck of
the bottle, since this is apt to be wet.
Claret and Burgundy sometimes need to
be warmed slightly, as their temperature
should approximate that of the room.
Sherry, Madeira, port are always, and
.bn 076.png
.pn +1
claret usually, put into decanters. It was
formerly the custom to set these on the
table; but at ceremonious dinners wine
is now served from the sideboard.
No menu-cards are used at private
houses. A name-card is set at each place.
According to present fashion, this should
contain no ornament except the crest or
initials of the hostess done in gold, with
edges to match. At a recent dinner at
the house of a bishop the device on the
name-card was a miter. Decorative designs
are reserved for anniversary dinners
and other special occasions. Celery, olives,
radishes, and other hors d’œuvres are usually
relegated to the side-table at a formal
dinner.
The bill of fare for a dinner or a luncheon
is much shorter than formerly. It is no
longer thought in good taste to emulate
the heavy feasts of the ancient Romans.
Many people now hesitate to eat raw
oysters, since they sometimes convey
typhoid-fever germs. Canapés may replace
them as a first course, or Little Neck
clams, grape-fruit, or other fruit in its season
may be used. If oysters are served,
.bn 077.png
.pn +1
five or six are arranged in each plate, with
a piece of lemon in the center. It is now
thought best to bring these in fresh from
the ice-chest, after the company have sat
down to table. The oyster-plate is set
on the place-plate—i.e., on the one already
in place—when the guests sit down
at table. The latter is not taken away at
the conclusion of the course, but remains
as a basis for the soup-plate. Tureens are
no longer used, the soup being served from
the pantry. The plates should be only
partly filled. A careful servant can manage
one in each hand, but it is thought
more elegant to have them brought to the
table one at a time. After the removal of
the soup the place-plates remain, and are
used for the hors d’œuvres. These sometimes
precede the soup course. The fish
comes next, hot plates being used for this
as for all the hot courses. Since fish is
rather tasteless, it is often accompanied by
a sauce or by cucumbers or tomatoes with
French dressing. Potatoes also are served
with fish. An entrée now follows, and is
succeeded by the pièce de résistance, or
principal meat course. With the lightening
.bn 078.png
.pn +1
of the bill of fare, filet of beef is less
used for this than formerly, saddle of
mutton, spring lamb, or turkey being favorite
dishes. According to modern custom,
only one or at the utmost two vegetables
are served with one course.
Roman punch is now reserved for public
dinners. The game course with salad comes
next; but here again we see a change,
since lettuce, celery, or other vegetable
salad may now be served with cheese and
crackers or bread-and-butter, the game
being omitted. After the salad the table
is cleared off, the salt-cellars and pepper-pots
being removed on a tray covered with
a napkin. The crumbs are brushed off
with a folded napkin, or on less formal
occasions with a silver crumb-scraper.
The dessert now follows, for which the
handsomest plates are reserved. These
are protected by pretty ornamental doilies,
on which are placed finger-bowls partly
filled with lukewarm water. A flower or
a fragrant leaf or two may float on its
surface. A glass plate is often set under
the finger-bowl. The latter should be
promptly removed and set on one side in
.bn 079.png
.pn +1
order not to delay the service. Some authorities
say that the silver knife, fork, and
spoon should not be placed on the dessert-plate
when the servant hands this, but
should be laid on the table at either side
of it. If they are put on the plate each
person removes them at the same time as
the finger-bowl. The ices are then passed,
the molds being sufficiently cut through
beforehand to enable the guest to help
himself readily. If the individual form
is used, one is set before each person.
Cake accompanies the ice-cream, which is
eaten from the glass plate. The latter is
then removed by the servant, while the
guest takes off the doilies, leaving the china
plate in readiness for the fruit course.
Few persons take any of this at a long
dinner, unless it be three or four grapes.
Bonbons also are handed at this time.
The lady at the right hand of the host
must now be on the lookout for the signal
to rise, which the hostess will convey to
her by a look or slight nod. At a formal
dinner the gentlemen sometimes escort
the ladies back to the drawing-room, the
couples going arm-in-arm. After seeing
.bn 080.png
.pn +1
their partners comfortably seated, the men
excuse themselves by a bow and return to
the dining-room or repair to the smoking-room,
where coffee, cigars, and liqueurs are
served. Sometimes the men simply rise
from the table when the ladies do, and remain
standing until the latter have passed
out. A servant opens the door or holds
back the portière, or, if none is in the room
at the moment, the gentleman nearest the
entrance performs this duty.
Tiny cups of strong black coffee accompanied
by sugar, and sometimes by cream,
are handed on a tray to the ladies in the
drawing-room. Sometimes the servant
takes in the silver coffee-pot and asks
each person if she will have a cup, filling
it for her if she desires. One or two kinds
of cordial are offered, the servant asking
the ladies in turn which kind they prefer,
and then pouring it into tiny liqueur-glasses.
Cigarettes are offered to the
women at some houses, although the custom
is by no means general. Many American
hostesses dislike very much to see
members of their own sex use tobacco,
considering this in bad taste.
.bn 081.png
.pn +1
Later in the evening Apollinaris or other
sparkling waters may be brought in. The
men rejoin the ladies in the drawing-room
after a short interval of time. Music,
recitations, or other form of entertainment
may be given for the amusement of the
company. Dancing is now popular at all
hours, and people who are fond of cards
finish the evening with bridge or some other
game. If the hosts have not arranged any
after-dinner programme, the guests take
their leave about half an hour after the
men have returned to the drawing-room.
There is no absolute rule about this, as
much depends on the lateness of the hour.
If some of those present are “going on”
to a dance or a reception, they will excuse
themselves as soon as they can without
appearing brusque or discourteous to their
hosts. According to modern rule, a dinner
should not last more than an hour and a
half. If the guests sit down to table at a
quarter-past eight and arise from it at a
quarter before ten o’clock, the hour for
departure would be somewhere between
half-past ten and eleven o’clock. The
custom of waiting until the lady who is
.bn 082.png
.pn +1
the guest of honor has taken her leave is
growing in favor. This makes it incumbent
on her not to linger too long, lest she
should inadvertently detain others who
desire to go.
One of the most important duties of the
diner-out is to talk and to listen to his
next-door neighbors. At a small dinner
the conversation may become general,
but where a great many guests are seated
at a large table, this is hardly possible.
Some charming talker to whom it would
be delightful to listen may sit opposite to
you, or two or three places away. If you
should yield to the temptation and neglect
your dinner-partner, or, still worse,
if you should talk across her to the more
interesting guest, you would be committing
a breach of good manners. At a large and
formal dinner, the hostess talks first to the
man on her right hand and later to the
one on her left. The guests follow her
example, turning to speak to the other
neighbor soon after she does. This is
called “The turning of the table.”
If one has received an invitation to dinner,
it is necessary to call in person within
.bn 083.png
.pn +1
one or two weeks after the event. This
rule applies to other invitations also, but
it is construed with special strictness in
the case of a dinner. In New York, with
its immense distances, a busy man may
be unable to make the “visit of digestion”
within a fortnight. In this case he should
send his card by mail and call when he
can command the time. Men now pay
visits in the late afternoon, at five or six
o’clock, formal evening calls having gone
out of fashion in the large cities.
.bn 084.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch05
V||
.dv class=font85
Guests to be Invited—Etiquette and Dress for
Bridesmaids’ Luncheons—Etiquette and Dress for
Bachelor Dinners—Things to be Done and Things to
be Avoided—Wedding Anniversaries—The Right and
the Wrong Way to Celebrate Them—Form of Invitation.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.3 0.6
“HOW many bridesmaids shall I have
at my wedding?” Many a young
girl asks herself this question, to which
it is not easy to give a categorical answer.
We will, however, say to her: choose
your attendants for this beautiful day
in your life from among those you love
and who love you. If you have several
sisters and dear friends, the selection may
be a little difficult, but doubtless there are
some who are nearer to you than others.
If you have no sisters, or if they are all
married, you perhaps have one or more
.bn 085.png
.pn +1
cousins to represent the family, and you
will want to include a sister or other near
relative of your fiancé for his sake. Let
the number of your bridesmaids be decided
by that of the young women you would
like to have around you at your wedding,
provided always this is not so large as
to appear ostentatious. You should also
consider the question of expense, since it
is now the custom for the bride to make a
gift to each of her attendants. If the
ceremony takes place at church, her family
also pay for the carriages for the bridesmaids.
A large church wedding is a very
costly affair, and a young girl should be
considerate in the demands upon her
father’s purse. The expenditure for a
wedding should be in proportion to the
means of the bride’s family, since etiquette
demands that they and not the groom
should meet it. If the function is unduly
elaborate, unfavorable criticism is almost
sure to result.
If you decide to be married at home, you
will not have more than one or two bridesmaids;
at church, four or six is a good
number. More than eight seem ostentatious,
.bn 086.png
.pn +1
unless under exceptional circumstances.
You may like in addition to
have your sister or dearest friend act as
maid of honor. A young married woman
sometimes acts as matron of honor; but
this is in contravention of the good old
custom of surrounding the bride with a
group of maidens. Be sure to make your
selection, and to ask your friends to officiate
as bridesmaids, in good season. It
is your privilege to choose the costumes
they are to wear. In doing this we hope
you will not be carried away by the charms
of the fashion-book models, but will bear
in mind the complexion and figure of your
friends as they actually exist in real life.
You will certainly want them to look their
best, for your sake as well as their own.
The bride is always the great center of
attraction, but if she has good taste she
will desire to have the wedding cortège
form a harmonious whole. For this purpose
the costumes of the bridesmaids may
be all alike, or there may be a diversity
of coloring. The two that walk together
should be dressed alike.
Pray be careful also not to make the
.bn 087.png
.pn +1
toilettes so expensive as to be a strain
upon the means of your young friends.
You may, of course, if your means or those
of your family permit, pay for their whole
outfit or for certain portions, such as hats
or gloves. But this is not customary, although
it is occasionally done by a bride
rich in this world’s gear.
Should a young woman give a luncheon
or a dinner to her bridesmaids? The idea
of thus gathering her mates around her
for the last time before she enters upon a
new, joyous, and yet serious phase of her
life is a very happy one, provided always
that the occasion does not furnish the
proverbial last straw of the camel’s load.
The preparations for a modern church
wedding are so many and so extensive
that a bride may go to the altar utterly
worn out and looking not her best, but
her worst. Her mother should certainly
guard a daughter very carefully against
over-fatigue; but in many cases she obviously
does not. To the bridegroom the
parade and show are usually extremely
distasteful, and he only submits to them
because he cannot help himself. He goes
.bn 088.png
.pn +1
through the trying ordeal in the spirit of
the good knights of old, that he may win
his “dear ladye” for his own. We cannot,
therefore, advise our bride to give a
bridesmaids’ luncheon if she is already
wearied by many tasks. In this case we
should advise the substitution of an afternoon
tea, to which she may, if she pleases,
invite the groom, best man, and ushers.
Perhaps, however, she is so fortunate as
to have relatives and friends who will take
the brunt of the fatigue, or, if she is rich,
clever and experienced women can be hired
to assist her.
If she decides to give a luncheon, she
should select a day near enough that of
the wedding to give a certain thrill to the
occasion, and yet not so near as to make
these great events seem to crowd one upon
the other. Should the bridesmaids live
at a distance, and come to the home-town
of their friend on purpose to attend the
wedding, it may be necessary to have the
lunch take place only two or three days
in advance. A week is a better interval,
however. Should there be some young
friend who is unable to serve as a bridesmaid—on
.bn 089.png
.pn +1
account of family mourning,
lameness, or some similar drawback—the
bride may like to include her in the invitations.
The bridesmaids do not appear
in any special costume, but wear the
same sort of dress as at any lunch, retaining
their hats unless the bride asks them
to remove them. The latter wears a
pretty house dress suitable for the afternoon.
The luncheon may be a handsome
affair or simple and inexpensive, as the
young hostess finds convenient. She or
a friend may like to paint the place-cards,
which should have devices appropriate to
the occasion. True-lovers’ knots, Cupids,
hearts and darts are always in order.
Pink is a favorite color for the decorations,
green and white also having a pretty
effect.
The traditional ring, coin, and thimble
are often placed in the cake, each girl carefully
scrutinizing her piece to see what
her future lot is to be. The gifts to the
bridesmaids are usually awarded at this
luncheon, and should be all alike. Some
small article of jewelry to be worn at the
wedding is usually chosen. L’Art Nouveau
.bn 090.png
.pn +1
suggests many pretty things that are not
necessarily expensive, the theory being
that jewelry should please by color and
design rather than by costliness. Brooches,
pendants, bracelets, hat-pins, or fans are
among the suitable gifts. They may be
set one at each place as souvenirs.
Since the bridesmaids’ luncheon is intended
to be a gay and merry rather than
a somber and melancholy affair, it is well
to ask one or two of the guests to arrange
some amusing feature for the day. Thus,
if the bride has many admirers, a dance
of the rejected suitors would be appropriate.
These could be represented by
two of the company. They should be
furnished with large bandana handkerchiefs
on which to weep copiously. After
treading a slow and melancholy measure,
each should break a stick over his knee
in accordance with the old tradition.
A dinner is sometimes given instead of
a luncheon, and to this the groom, best
man, and ushers are occasionally asked. A
novel way to give a bridesmaids’ luncheon
would be to ask each girl to prepare beforehand
one article of the bill of fare. The
.bn 091.png
.pn +1
bride also should contribute something of
her own manufacture to the menu. A
judge, duly appareled in wig and gown,
should be appointed to award the prize to
the maker of the most toothsome article,
or a feminine jury of three might be impaneled.
The prize-winner should have a
blue ribbon declaring her to be the most
promising candidate for matrimony. At
the bride’s place should be a small souvenir
album with white cover, containing the
receipts used for the different articles of
the bill of fare, and mentioning the school
or cooking-class where each girl had acquired
her culinary skill. It would be
quite in order to invent imaginary colleges
and degrees, phrased in home-made Latin,
as, for instance, Cookia Superba Prattii
Institutionis.
Sometimes a bridesmaids’ lunch is followed
by a rehearsal of the wedding procession
at the church, the ushers and young
girls returning to the bride’s home for
afternoon tea. It is pleasant to have the
members of the wedding-party meet beforehand
in order to make one another’s acquaintance.
Thus a dinner or a theater
.bn 092.png
.pn +1
party for the bridesmaids and ushers is
sometimes given two or three days before
the marriage takes place.
Should the bridegroom give a bachelor
dinner to his ushers and best man? This
is a question which each young man must
decide for himself, always taking into
consideration the tastes and tendencies of
those who would compose the party. It
should be frankly said that at certain occasions
of this sort in the past, too much
wine has been consumed with sad results.
Therefore if the groom himself or any of his
intimate friends finds temperance difficult,
it certainly is unwise to arrange a bachelor
dinner and thus fly in the face of Providence,
as old-fashioned people would say.
If the dinner is to take place, it should
be within a fortnight or a week before the
wedding. It is well to have an interval
of several days elapse between the two
events. The guests invited are the best
man, ushers, and sometimes other intimate
friends of the groom and the brothers
of the bride. Black-cloth dinner-jacket,
with trousers and low-cut waistcoat to
match, dress-shirt, and black tie compose
.bn 093.png
.pn +1
the proper costume. The dinner is given
at the groom’s club or home or in a private
dining-room at some good restaurant.
The groom being the host, he sits at the
head of the table; the best man may be
opposite to him or at his right hand. In
the latter case the head usher or the bride’s
brother may take the foot.
The provision of wine should be a judicious
one. When the dinner is quite
advanced the best man proposes the
bride’s health. All arise and drink this
toast standing. According to the old custom,
each man snaps the stem of his wine-glass
between his fingers, then throws it
away. The souvenirs presented by the
groom to his best man and ushers are laid
at each place. These are usually scarf-pins,
although cuff-links are sometimes given.
Beside each plate may also be a box
done up with white ribbon, containing the
gloves and tie to be worn at the wedding.
The best man usually orders these, taking
care to select gloves of the right size,
but the bridegroom pays the bill. A convenient
method is to give a list of the
ushers with their addresses to a haberdasher
.bn 094.png
.pn +1
of established reputation. He then
sends an engraved or printed card to each
man, saying that Mr. So-and-So has ordered
gloves and tie for him and asking the
size of his hand. Should other guests besides
the best man and ushers be at the
dinner, it would be better not to present
the souvenirs, ties, etc., but to send them
to each person’s residence or club.
.sp 1
.h3
.sp 1
The wedding anniversaries usually celebrated
are the fifth, wooden; the tenth,
tin; the twenty-fifth, silver; and the
fiftieth, golden. Few couples live to observe
the latter, and still fewer the seventy-fifth,
the diamond wedding. The fifth
and tenth anniversaries are occasions of
fun and frolic. The invitations may be
given over the telephone or in any way
preferred. For a wooden wedding a novel
method would be to divide the thin end of
a shingle into several portions about the
size of a postal card, writing or painting
the invitations on these. The easiest way
is to use the joint visiting-card of host and
hostess, writing on it:
.bn 095.png
.pn +1
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Will be at Home
on Thursday evening, October twelfth
.pm centered-end
.ni
adding in the corner “1910-1915.”
.pi
The guests invited are usually familiar
friends. They tax their ingenuity to procure
gifts of appropriate material that will
amuse the company, or send articles that
will be useful. Wooden spoons of all sorts
and sizes, mammoth pencils, knife-trays,
watchmen’s rattles, boxes large and small,
towel-racks, chairs, small tables—all are appropriate
gifts. It is easy to purchase
at a toy store wooden animals of absurd
shapes, picture puzzles, jumping-jacks,
etc. Two of the guests might represent a
couple from Noah’s ark, Mr. and Mrs.
Shem or Mr. and Mrs. Ham. They
should be dressed in the traditional costume,
and should move in a stiff and
wooden way. Another pair could appear
as jointed dolls or other figures. The decorations
could consist of shavings or of
pussy-willow or other boughs.
For the tenth anniversary the tinware
shop furnishes ample material for gifts. It
is usually possible to get a tinsmith to
.bn 096.png
.pn +1
make, for a small charge, articles of some
special shape. The bride may be adorned
with a tin tiara and other ornaments, the
groom wearing a large tin flower in his
buttonhole. A suit of armor of the same
material, accompanied by spear and shield,
might be presented to him with due ceremony.
One guest should be the spokesman
for the company and explain that,
owing to the dangers of the public roads,
it was thought well to bestow upon their
friend some means of defense against the
ubiquitous automobile, the spear being
intended to lift arrogant chauffeurs from
the perch of vantage.
To a silver-wedding celebration a few
intimate friends of the family may be
asked, or the affair may take the form of
a reception. The invitations may be engraved
in silver letters and may read:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
1889\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_1914
Mr. and Mrs. John Thompson
request the pleasure of
.\_.\_.\_.\_.\_.\_.\_.\_company
on Thursday, November the eighth,
at half-past eight o’clock
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.bn 097.png
.pn +1
.ni
Or the “At Home” form may be used.
It is best not to say “silver-wedding,” as
this might be thought an intimation that
gifts would be acceptable. Indeed, some
people are so anxious to avoid any appearance
of soliciting presents that they give
no intimation on the card of the nature
of the occasion. Others add, “It is kindly
requested that no gifts be sent.” Near
relations and intimate friends usually feel
privileged to send some suitable remembrance
of the day, an article of silver
for the writing-table or toilette-table
perhaps, or any piece of silverware that
they think will be acceptable. It is
always proper to send flowers. If the
reception is in the evening, the silver-wedding
bride wears evening dress of any
color that is becoming to her. Gray,
lavender, or purple is appropriate. While
white alone is not permissible, black-and-white
may be worn; the bridal veil—if it
be of lace—may be draped over the skirt
or worn as a scarf. The gown may be
partially cut down at the neck or full décolleté,
the material being silk, brocade,
velvet, or other stuff as preferred. The
.bn 098.png
.pn +1
groom wears regulation evening dress with
white or light kid gloves (see #Chapter VI:ch06#).
.pi
He and the bride stand together to receive
the guests until all have arrived,
when they move about the room talking
with their friends. The tone of the occasion
must not be too stiff and formal, but
cordial yet dignified. According to some
authorities, the decorations should be white,
green, and silver. There may be few
flowers or an abundance of them. If they
are all white the result will be rather trying
to matronly faces, and the effect a little
incongruous. In celebrating an anniversary
it is not wise to try to reproduce
exactly the original occasion. This would
tend to mark in a painful way the passage
of time. Just as the bride of twenty-five
years wears a matronly costume rather than
a girlish dress that would bring into evidence
the wrinkles and crow’s-feet, so the decorations
and ceremonies of the silver-wedding
must reflect the flight of the quarter of a
century. The flowers of midsummer are
more appropriate than those associated
especially with early spring. Purple and
white lilacs produce an excellent effect, as
.bn 099.png
.pn +1
do roses not too pale in color, or orchids.
Something will, of course, depend upon
the season of the year.
It adds interest to the occasion if the
clergyman who performed the marriage
ceremony, the ushers, and bridesmaids can
be present. The latter may stand near
the host and hostess and assist them in
receiving the company. The name “silver
wedding” is something of a misnomer, because
the celebration is concerned only
with the events following the marriage.
Thus, while the anniversary may reproduce
in some degree the original reception
or breakfast, to attempt to repeat any part
of the ceremony would be in the worst
possible taste, to say the least.
The collation is like that of any evening
reception. There is usually a handsome
wedding-cake, on which the date of the
wedding and of the twenty-fifth anniversary,
together with the initials of husband
and wife, are inscribed. Silver leaves
may form a part of its decoration. The
bride cuts the first slice, as she did twenty-five
years before. It adds to the fun of the
occasion if the cake contains a ring. Where
.bn 100.png
.pn +1
wine is served, it is usually champagne.
The best man or some near friend or relative
may give as a toast the health of the
hero and heroine of the day, to which the
husband should reply in a brief speech.
There may be other toasts and speeches.
According to modern fashion, these may
be made without the accompaniment of
wine. The sons and daughters of the house
should act as assistant hosts and hostesses,
moving about among the guests and extending
a cordial welcome to all.
The arrangements for a golden-wedding
fall naturally into the hands of a daughter
or a son. Those of the younger generation
must be careful not to behave as if they
thought their parents too old and too infirm
to attend to the matter personally.
It requires great tact to assist those who
are declining into the vale of years in such
a way as not to depress or sadden them
or hurt their feelings. The daughter
should take pains to show that she is not
trying to supersede her parents, but simply
to act as their lieutenant. She may
well think out beforehand her general line
of action, and then lay it before her mother,
.bn 101.png
.pn +1
consulting the latter as the household
general-in-chief. She may casually remind
her mother that, since the bride is
spared all possible care and anxiety by
her family, the same attitude toward her
should be taken at the celebration of the
fiftieth anniversary of the marriage.
There is often a reunion of the married
couple and their descendants at a large
family dinner. If it is desired to include
the whole circle of friends in the celebration,
this usually takes place in the daytime,
since an evening affair might be too
fatiguing for the elderly pair. Sometimes,
however, a reception is held in the evening
after the family dinner. A good deal
must depend on the state of health of the
bride and groom. Sons and daughters
should remember that to greet and shake
hands with many people is in itself fatiguing,
especially to those who are no longer
young. An afternoon reception is an appropriate
way to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary
of a marriage. The invitations
will be much like those of the silver-wedding,
except that the lettering should be
of gold, or black if preferred. They are
.bn 102.png
.pn +1
usually engraved on a rather large white
card. If an answer is desired, in one corner
may be the statement, “Please send
reply to Mrs. ——,” with the address of
the daughter.
It is very easy to find suitable decorations,
since almost any golden flower that is in
season may be pressed into service. In the
fall of the year nothing is more beautiful
than goldenrod; autumn leaves also may be
used. Black-eyed Susans have a very decorative
effect, the yellow abutilon reminds
the beholder of wedding-bells, and Marshal
Niel roses are always lovely. Gifts of flowers
may be tied with golden ribbon.
At a fiftieth marriage anniversary which
the writer recently attended, a small reception-room
leading from the drawing-room
was almost filled with presents of
golden hue, although many were not made
wholly of the precious metal itself. Pictures
in gilded frames, canary birds in cages
of the prevailing color of the day, were
cheerful gifts of moderate expense. A beautiful
loving-cup of silver heavily gilded
held the center of the table, and within
was a purse of gold pieces—a number
.bn 103.png
.pn +1
of friends combining to make this present.
There were many other pieces of silver-gilt,
and some of solid gold. The bride received
a beautiful watch and chain, among other
things; the groom a pencil and card-case
of the precious metal.
Husband and wife receive together at a
golden-wedding. Sons and daughters welcome
the guests, but do not necessarily
stand beside their parents. They should
have a watchful eye upon the latter, however,
to see that they do not become fatigued.
One advantage of the afternoon
reception for a golden-wedding is the well-known
tendency of the guests to concentrate
in the dining-room, thus giving the
host and hostess an opportunity to sit
down and rest if they are tired. They remain
in the drawing-room, any refreshments
they may desire being brought to
them. These will be the same as at any
afternoon tea or reception. Some solid
dishes such as salads and oysters may be
served, and there may be a wedding-cake.
The golden-wedding bride may wear any
color she pleases except black. The ugly
fashion of dressing elderly women in hard
.bn 104.png
.pn +1
black is fortunately on the wane, since it
is extremely unbecoming to them. Delicate
tints of lavender and gray, trimmed
with soft ruffles or lace, are appropriate for
the bride of fifty years. The groom wears
formal afternoon dress, black frock or cutaway
coat, with high waistcoat to match,
dark trousers, and lavender scarf. If the
bride carries a bouquet, it should, in our
opinion, be of violets, orchids, or golden
flowers rather than white ones, although
some authorities favor the latter.
The fifteenth, crystal, and the twentieth,
china, weddings are occasionally observed.
Friends may celebrate them informally by
a surprise party, at which gifts of porcelain
or glassware are presented to a couple
whose china closets need replenishing.
.bn 105.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch06
VI||
.dv class=font85
Dress for Bride, Bridegroom, Bridesmaids, Ushers,
and Other Members of the Bridal Party—Dress of
Guests—Gifts and How to Present Them—Etiquette
of House and Church Weddings—Wedding Breakfasts
and Receptions—Entertaining Out-of-town Guests.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.1 0.7
A GOWN of white satin, with veil of
tulle, plain or lace-trimmed, or of real
lace, has long been the conventional bridal
dress. While the bodice may, in accordance
with the present style, be somewhat
cut out at the neck and the sleeves reach
only to the elbow, it must never be full
décolleté unless the wedding takes place
in the evening. The skirt should have a
train varying in length with the fashion,
but never so long as to interfere with the
bride’s movements. Several yards of satin
trailing upon the floor will result in pulling
her head back at every step, producing a
.bn 106.png
.pn +1
very awkward and ugly effect. A creamy
tint is more becoming to most young women
than a bluish shade of white. Some
brides prefer silk, fine organdie muslin,
chiffon, or other soft material. Artificial
orange flowers are usually worn in the
hair and sometimes on the dress, the
natural blossoms being very difficult to
procure. It is wise to engage a hair-dresser
to put on the wedding-veil, since
this is a task requiring special skill. If it
is to be worn over the face, a separate piece
of tulle should be used for the purpose.
The maid of honor, or first bridesmaid,
takes this off when the bride turns to walk
down the aisle at the conclusion of the
ceremony. White stockings with white
satin or kid slippers, long white gloves,
and bouquet complete the costume. The
“shower” effect, obtained by fastening
flowers at intervals on long streamers of
narrow ribbon, has, in the opinion of the
writer, an extremely artificial look; but
many people admire it. The bridegroom
usually gives the bride some piece of
jewelry to be worn on the eventful
day. Her ornaments should be of diamonds,
.bn 107.png
.pn +1
pearls, or other white or colorless
stones.
The bridegroom appears in formal morning
or, as it is sometimes called, formal
afternoon dress, if the ceremony takes
place in the daytime. Fashion long demanded
that he should wear a frock-coat,
but this imposing garment has suffered
something of an eclipse, the cutaway often
replacing it. The tailors, in solemn convocation,
recently decided that the frock-coat
could not altogether be banished,
since it is popular with the great statesmen
of our nation. Whichever style of
coat the groom selects, he wears with it a
high-cut waistcoat to match or a white
one, dark striped trousers, lavender, gray,
or white silk four-in-hand tie, patent-leather
shoes, and high silk hat. A fancy
waistcoat of another color is sometimes
worn, but it must not be gay or loud. If
gloves are worn, they should be light-gray
or white. His white boutonnière bouquet
is the gift of the bride, who bestows similar
decorations on the ushers. These gentlemen
are all dressed alike, their costume and
that of the best man corresponding to the
.bn 108.png
.pn +1
bridegroom’s. The bride’s father will probably
prefer a frock-coat with waistcoat to
match. As a rule all the men present at
a wedding in the morning or afternoon
don formal morning dress. In the summer
sack-coats and straw hats are occasionally
worn at a country wedding.
If the ceremony takes place in the evening,
the groom and ushers appear in black
swallow-tail coats, with trousers to match,
low-cut white waistcoats, narrow white
lawn ties, and pumps or patent-leather
shoes. The dress of the other men present
is the same, though some may prefer
to wear a black dress-waistcoat to match
the suit.
The bridesmaids’ costume is usually of
some pretty, light color and soft material.
This should, like the bride’s, be
only slightly cut down in the neck, in the
daytime. The inevitable hat is an important
feature, and often a charming “creation.”
Long white gloves and a bouquet
complete the costume. The latter is the
gift of the bridegroom, and usually matches
or tones in with the dress or its trimmings.
The bride’s mother wears lilac, gray,
.bn 109.png
.pn +1
black-and-white, mauve, or some quiet
color that is becoming to her, with bonnet
or hat to match. She must carefully avoid
any affectation of youth in her costume,
since this would be in poor taste and would
inevitably cause unfavorable comment.
Hence the material of her gown is of heavier
fabric than that chosen by the younger
members of the bridal party. Silk, satin,
velvet, brocade are all appropriate. The
bodice should be practically high in the
neck or only slightly cut out, although it
may have a lace yoke and trimmings.
The bride’s mother usually removes her
wrap before going up the aisle, an usher
carrying it for her. The groom’s mother
wears a similar costume, the young girls
of both families appearing in pretty high-necked
frocks of light color, with dressy
hats. No member of the bridal party
should appear in mourning garb. The
widowed mother, even, lays it aside for
the day.
At a church wedding all the women appear
in hats or bonnets, according to the
modern custom. The guests wear handsome
reception dress, especially if they are
.bn 110.png
.pn +1
going on to the house of the bride’s parents.
Those who are asked only to the ceremony
wear their best street costume with white
gloves. Where the ceremony is performed
at the house in the evening, all wear evening
dress and go without hats. For a
home wedding in the daytime the guests
retain these, but the bride’s mother and
other members of the receiving-party appear
without them.
A bride may prefer to be married quietly
in traveling-dress. If this is the costume
in which she intends actually to travel, it
should be of material and color suitable
for that purpose. A pretty and becoming
shade should be selected, but not an extremely
delicate one. Cloth or other
woolen material is suitable for the cold
months, a silken or woolen stuff of light
weight for summer. A pretty hat and
white gloves complete the costume, or, if
preferred, these may correspond in color
with the dress. A bride may, if she
pleases, be married in a walking-suit of a
very light color, changing this for a quieter
dress before she starts on the wedding
journey. In spite of the wide advertisement
.bn 111.png
.pn +1
of our friend Miss Phœbe Snow, it
is not in good taste to wear white in a railway
car, except in the height of summer,
when wash-dresses may be considered permissible
on account of the heat. A bride
who wears white on her wedding journey
stamps herself as provincial. A young
woman who is married in traveling-dress
does not have bridesmaids. If she wishes
to have a friend stand up with her, the latter
also should be in street dress, with hat
or bonnet.
.sp 2
.h3
.sp 1
When a young couple are about to begin
life together and to establish a new
home, they are confronted at once with
the unpleasant question of expense. To
furnish their abode, however simply, takes
a considerable sum of money. Hence,
somewhere in the dim past the custom of
making wedding-presents arose, friends
assisting the bridal pair in the creation of
a home of their own. Sound political
economy as well as pleasant sentiment,
therefore, underlies this usage. The welfare
.bn 112.png
.pn +1
and prosperity of the individual home
promote those of the larger home—the
State.
In sending gifts to a young couple it is
well to bear this truth in mind, for, although
perfectly self-evident, it is often
forgotten. We should try to select presents
that will be of use to their recipients.
Their value need not be merely material;
it may be spiritual or esthetic. Beautiful
pictures, books of solid and lasting interest,
are as important features of a dwelling as
chairs and tables. Silverware is a standard
gift because of its usefulness. It has
now grown so much cheaper, the price
being less than half what it was some years
ago, that almost any one can afford to send
an article made of this metal. Some brides
have been fairly overloaded with silver,
receiving far more than they, in their
modest homes, were able to use. Hence
it is well to consult a member of the bride’s
family or a near friend as to what she
would really like to receive.
The main outfit of silver—a tea-service,
one or more dozens of the different sizes
of forks, knives, and spoons—are given
.bn 113.png
.pn +1
by the immediate families of the bride and
groom, when their means permit. Near
relations—aunts, uncles, and cousins—sometimes
join in the gift or supplement
it with other needed articles of silverware.
Friends also send large or small pieces in
accordance with their means and with the
needs of the young couple. The fashion
of using ornamental and useful appliances
made of this metal for the toilette-table,
the desk, etc., has been so run into the
ground, cheap imitations have become so
common, that some other material is now
preferred—ivory or tortoise-shell, for instance.
Jewelry is so dear to the heart of woman
and forms so important a feature of dress
that most brides like to receive it, even
though it cannot be classed as a necessary
part of their outfit. While an elderly
friend may send a jewel, the privilege is
denied to young unmarried men, unless
they are relatives. This is an old rule of
Mrs. Grundy, who also forbids the bestowal
of any article of clothing by young
bachelor friends. Bric-à-brac has mercifully
gone out of fashion. It is permissible,
.bn 114.png
.pn +1
however, to give “objects of art” that deserve
the name. Intimate friends sometimes
send a dozen of sheets with embroidered
initials, or a set of handsome towels.
The pretty articles of decorative table
linen now so much in vogue, lunch-cloths,
centerpieces, and doilies, make very charming
wedding-gifts. China and glassware for
the table may be both pretty and useful.
Relatives and old family friends may send
checks, if they choose.
When an article is marked, the maiden
initials of the bride are used. The old
custom of marking silver with the initials
of the given names of both the bride and
groom, together with that of the last
name so soon to belong to them both, has
been revived to some extent. If the article
given is one likely to be duplicated, it is
better not to have it marked, because the
bride may wish to exchange it. Indeed,
some thoughtful persons say frankly: “If
you want to change this, pray do not
hesitate to do so.” While sentiment makes
us desire to keep the gift chosen by a
friend, it is undeniably inconvenient to possess
one dozen pepper-pots and not a single
.bn 115.png
.pn +1
salt-cellar! Owing doubtless to the “total
depravity of inanimate things,” there is
almost sure to be an overplus of some
article and a deficit of another.
The question is sometimes asked, “When
and how shall I present my gift to the
bride?”
The answer to the first query is, upon
receipt of the invitation to the wedding
or as soon after as is convenient. It may
happen that on account of absence, illness,
or some other good and sufficient reason
the gift is delayed. In this case one need
not hesitate to send it, with a note of explanation,
after the marriage has taken
place. The last gift is sometimes received
several months or even a year after the
day of the nuptials. Manifestly, however,
it is best to send promptly.
There is no formal presentation, however.
Only intimate friends are privileged
to place the gift in the bride’s hands. For
all others custom demands that it shall be
sent—express prepaid, of course—to the
house of her parents. The family and
friends of the bridegroom conform to this
rule, even when they are not personally
.bn 116.png
.pn +1
acquainted with his fiancée. The groom
occasionally receives a few gifts for his
personal use, which are sent directly to
him. The easiest, simplest, and best way
of forwarding a wedding-present is to have
it despatched from the store where it is
purchased. In a large city the jeweler’s,
silverware, and chinaware shops keep small
envelopes and blank cards for use, in case
the purchaser has omitted to bring her own
visiting-card. On this the giver writes
her name with a brief message, such as:
“With the best wishes of ——,” “With
love and best wishes,” or “Wishing you
all possible happiness.” Married people
use their joint card, “Mr. and Mrs.
Stephen Curtis,” for this purpose. The
salesman should be instructed to remove
the price and to do the gift up
in the daintiest manner, white ribbon
being often employed. It is also wise
for the sender to give him her address
and ask to be notified of the due arrival
of the gift. Since a receipt is
now demanded by silversmiths and
others, it would be an easy matter
to give the purchaser this information,
.bn 117.png
.pn +1
thereby saving anxiety to her and
trouble to the bride’s family. The latter
are often called up on the telephone by
friends who have not at the moment received
any acknowledgment of their present.
It is the pleasant duty of the bride to
write promptly, thanking her friends cordially
for the substantial expression of
their good will. A charming young woman
who was about to be married said to
me, “I write at once on receiving a present;
in this way I am sure to express the delight
I feel at the moment.” It is quite possible
to do this when the gifts begin to arrive.
But as the time for the wedding draws
near, a bride with a large circle of friends
is sometimes overwhelmed by the great
number of packages received in a single
day. Those who send their presents
within three or four days of the ceremony
cannot expect to have them acknowledged
speedily. If unable to write before her
marriage, the bride should do so as soon
afterward as possible. A careful record
of all the gifts, with the names and addresses
of the senders, should be made by
.bn 118.png
.pn +1
some member of the family, as fast as they
arrive. Bride-books come especially for
the purpose, and will be found very convenient
by those possessing a large circle
of friends and acquaintances.
In acknowledging a wedding-present it
is always well either to name the gift or to
allude to it in some definite way, as for
instance:
.pm letter-start
Your beautiful gift will not only make
us think of you, but will mark the passage
of the hours and so help us to cultivate
punctuality.
.pm letter-end
Some persons imagine that an invitation
to a wedding carries with it the obligation
to make a present, and that those not
asked give nothing. This is a mistake. It
should rather be said that any one who is
invited is at liberty, but not under any
obligation, to send a gift. Relatives and
intimate friends would do so, whether invited
or not. Circumstances may make
it imperative to have the ceremony performed
very quietly and to omit the usual
reception. It is true that many of those
invited to the bride’s house send a gift,
.bn 119.png
.pn +1
though by no means all. A young woman
who has a large wedding will receive
more presents than one who simply
sends out announcement cards after the
ceremony.
The family clergyman and physician
are not expected to make gifts, for obvious
reasons. Friends who are in mourning do
so, even if unable to attend the wedding.
The expense of the present should be in a
certain proportion to the means of the
giver. Those who are tempted to give
something more expensive than they can
afford should remember that it would be
painful to a bride possessed of delicacy of
feeling to think that she had overtaxed
the generosity of a friend. If one cannot
afford to spend much money, one should
atone for it by giving plenty of thought
to the selection of the gift. For this purpose
it is well to consult some member of
the family, or an intimate friend, about the
bride’s tastes and wishes. A present that
is carefully chosen to meet the needs of
the recipient often gives more pleasure
than a very expensive article selected at
random. Business associates or those who
.bn 120.png
.pn +1
are under obligations to either of the two
families send gifts if they receive invitations.
The custom of displaying the presents
on the day of the wedding has gone out of
fashion in large cities. It is thought better
to show them only to intimate friends,
who are asked to call in an informal
way shortly before the wedding-day. In
country places the gifts are sometimes exhibited
at the reception on the day of the
marriage. They are usually set out in an
up-stairs room, the cards of the givers being
removed in order to prevent invidious
comparisons.
The guests invited to a wedding may
be few or many, as the bride’s family find
convenient. If the ceremony is to take
place at a large church, invitations are
often sent to all those on the visiting-lists
of the parents of both young people, as
well as to the friends of the latter. Some
gracious and thoughtful brides do not forget
to send to certain persons not on their
visiting-lists—humble friends who sincerely
appreciate such a remembrance. If a
young woman prefers to have only her relatives
.bn 121.png
.pn +1
and near friends present at her marriage,
she will probably please her fiancé,
for men usually dislike very much the
parade and show of a large wedding.
Where only a limited circle are invited to
attend the ceremony, general invitations
are sometimes sent out for the reception
following it. This arrangement can be
made for either a home or a church wedding.
The bride’s mother must be careful,
however, not to overcrowd her rooms.
In summer a country house may be readily
enlarged by closing in the piazzas, or a
large tent may be placed on the lawn.
When the whole circle of friends and
acquaintances have been invited to the
church, there will be no cause for
complaint if only relatives and intimate
friends are asked to the reception.
Wedding invitations should be engraved
on plain, heavy white paper of the best
quality. The family crest in white is
sometimes embossed on this. The envelopes
match the paper and are without
device or ornament. The following is a
proper form:
.bn 122.png
.pn +1
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Mr. and Mrs. Amos Litchfield
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Louisa Alsop
to
Mr. James Otis Griswold
on the afternoon of Thursday,
the fourth of November,
at four o’clock
at the Church of the Disciples
Amsterdam Avenue and Eightieth Street
New York
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.ni
Or a blank may be left and the name of
the person invited be written in. If there
are cards of admission to the church, they
may read:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Please present this card
at the Church of the Disciples
Amsterdam Avenue and Eightieth Street
on Thursday, the fourth of November
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.pi
If many guests are expected, a plan
should be made of the church, showing
how the numbers of the pews run. Relatives
and friends are assigned to these in
.bn 123.png
.pn +1
the order of their relationship or intimacy
with the family, those nearest and dearest
coming next to the altar. The number of
the pew is written on the card of admission
to the church. The ushers are provided
with duplicate plans, giving the names of
these special guests and the pews they are
to occupy. Another method is to have
cards engraved:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Mr. and Mrs. . . .
will please present this card to an usher
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
The latter can then look up the name
on his list and see which pew has been assigned
to that guest. The bride’s family
and friends sit on the left of the middle
aisle, those of the groom on the right.
The invitations to the reception are
usually engraved on a large white card,
according to the following formula:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Mr. and Mrs. Amos Litchfield
request the pleasure of your company
[or of . . . .’s company]
on Thursday, the fourth of November,
at half after four o’clock
at Seventeen Waverley Place
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.bn 124.png
.pn +1
The fashion of asking only a limited
number of persons to the wedding and
of sending out announcement cards afterward
seems to be gaining in public favor.
These cards are sent to the friends and
acquaintances of the bride and groom and
their parents. A proper form is:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Mr. and Mrs. Amos Litchfield
have the honor of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Margaret Louise
to
Mr. James Otis Griswold
on Thursday, the fourth of November,
One thousand nine hundred and fourteen
at Windymere
West Medford, Massachusetts
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.ni
The announcement is engraved on the
same sort of paper as that used for wedding
invitations. With it may be inclosed
a card with the address of the newly
married couple:
.sp 1
.nf b
Mr. and Mrs. James Otis Griswold
Will be at home\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_Three hundred and four
after the twentieth\_\_\_\_\_\_\_West Fiftieth Street
of November\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_New York
.nf-
.sp 1
.bn 125.png
.pn +1
.pi
Announcements are usually mailed immediately
after the marriage. If the “At
Home” cards are sent out with the invitations,
they contain no name, but simply
the statement:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Will be at home
after the twentieth of November
at Forty-four East Fiftieth Street,
New York
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.ni
Or special reception days may be mentioned,
as:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
Thursdays in December.
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.pi
The cards and all the other expenses of
the wedding, with a few exceptions mentioned
elsewhere, are paid for by the
bride’s family.
A home wedding is of necessity a simpler
affair than one celebrated at church. According
to the good old custom, the clergyman
came in first, a place being arranged
for him at the head of the room facing
the company. The bride and groom then
entered arm-in-arm, taking up their position
in front of the minister. At the conclusion
.bn 126.png
.pn +1
of the ceremony the latter withdrew
to one side and the newly married
couple took his place, turning around to
receive the congratulations of relatives and
friends, those nearest and dearest greeting
them first. It has been found convenient,
however, to mark off with white ribbon
an aisle down which the bride and groom
pass. Young girls may hold the four ends,
or these may be fastened. The cortège is
sometimes a miniature copy of that seen
in the church ceremonial. Thus the ushers
may lead the procession, a bridesmaid or
two entering next, the bride leaning on her
father’s arm following them. With this
arrangement the groom and best man enter
a little beforehand, standing at the left of
the clergyman. If the giving away of the
bride is to be omitted, the procession may
consist of the ushers, the best man, a bridesmaid,
and the bride and groom, entering
in the order named. There are often no
bridesmaids at a house wedding.
The old marriage ceremony is so beautiful,
so hallowed by tradition and sentiment,
that we are inclined to cling to it,
although some of its features are archaic
.bn 127.png
.pn +1
remains of an older civilization. Now that
so many women are independent citizens,
earning their own living and, in many
countries of Europe, as well as in ten States
of our Union, voting and holding public
office, it seems incongruous to have them
“given away in marriage.” Even in conservative
England the question of dropping
the word “obey” from the service is
now being agitated by no lesser personages
than the bishops of the Established
Church! We read that one of these dignitaries
withdrew his motion to this effect
because he saw that the ecclesiastical body
was not yet ready to pass it.
The church selected for the wedding is
usually the one which the bride and her
family attend. If this is not large enough
to hold the guests, another belonging to the
same denomination is sometimes preferred.
If the groom lives in the same town as the
bride, he calls upon the clergyman and secures
his services for the time when the
ceremony is to be performed. If the
fiancé lives at a distance, it may be more
convenient to have the arrangement made
by the bride’s family. In either event the
.bn 128.png
.pn +1
groom pays the clergyman’s fee. This
varies in amount with the former’s means
and with the scale on which the whole
affair is conducted. Since the question is
left to his honor as a gentleman, he should
surely reimburse the minister in a manner
suited to his own dignity and to that of the
occasion. It is in the worst possible taste
to lavish money on decorating the sacred
office in a resplendent manner and then
repay its hospitality by handing its official
head a small and wholly inadequate sum.
For a large and handsome wedding the
organist receives twenty-five dollars and
the clergyman should be given fifty dollars.
If the bridegroom is a rich man, he sometimes
doubles this sum. For a small
and quiet wedding, the fee would vary
from ten to twenty-five dollars. Five dollars
is said to be the minimum. The fee is
inclosed in an envelope and handed to the
best man. It may consist of gold, new
bank-bills, or a check. The last-named has
obvious advantages, for an absent-minded
best man sometimes forgets to give the
missive to the clergyman. Gold pieces are
often preferred, however, since the old English
.bn 129.png
.pn +1
custom prescribed that the groom
should lay these and the wedding-ring on
the open prayer-book held by the clergyman.
The bridegroom also pays for the
ring. If the wedding is to take place at
church, he provides the conveyance which
will take him and the best man there,
bringing the latter to the bride’s house
for the reception or breakfast. Should the
weather be bad or the distance so great as
to call for carriages for the ushers, he provides
these also, as well as the carriage in
which he and the bride start on their honeymoon
trip. He has no other expenses connected
with the wedding, except the bouquets,
souvenirs, etc., spoken of elsewhere.
The sexton, organist, and florist should
all be notified in good season. The former
will, if it is requested, have an awning and
carpet between the church door and the
curb. For a large wedding he will need
assistants to open the doors of the vehicles
as they drive up, to receive the cards of
admission, to keep the line moving so that
the street will not be blocked, to call the
carriages afterward, and to protect the
entrance from too great pressure by the
.bn 130.png
.pn +1
admiring onlookers. The Press has had
some sad stories about the rude behavior,
the pushing and crowding of the multitude,
when certain much-advertised weddings
took place. Such rudeness is greatly to
be deplored. It occurs to the philosopher
that a simple and easy way to avoid the
presence of these ill-bred throngs would
be to have the religious ceremony conducted
in a quieter and simpler manner.
Men and women, particularly the latter,
are always anxious to behold a much-heralded
spectacle. The organist should
be told of the musical selections made by
the bride. Sometimes he plays a subdued
accompaniment during the marriage ceremony.
According to a pleasant modern
custom, the flowers are sent from the
church to hospitals after the wedding.
Some competent person is specially employed
to attend to this distribution.
It is contrary both to good manners and
to the laws of the land to have any rehearsal
of the marriage ceremony. One
of the procession often takes place a day
or two in advance. The head usher sets
the pace, which should be rather slow, but
.bn 131.png
.pn +1
not funereal. A young girl who was given
away in marriage by her grandfather not
long ago was heard to whisper to the latter,
as they went up the aisle, “Not so fast,
grandpa! Not so fast!” If the bride dislikes
the idea of taking part in the rehearsal,
she may be replaced by a friend.
The head usher may be called the master
of ceremonies at the church. He or one of
his assistants should be there early to see
that everything is properly arranged. All
the ushers should be in their places three-quarters
of an hour or more before the
time named for the wedding. They stand
at the entrance to the aisles and escort
the guests to the seats assigned them.
Formerly a barrier of white ribbon or
flowers marked off the seats in the middle
aisle reserved for the relatives and special
friends. It is now thought better not to
fence off the aisle in this way, but simply
to indicate the division by means of a bow
or a bunch of flowers.
If the guests have cards on which their
names or the numbers of the pews they
are to occupy are written, they do not
give these up at the door, but retain them
.bn 132.png
.pn +1
to show to the usher. Where there are
no such cards for his guidance, he inquires
the name and consults his list or his memory.
If he is not sure on which side the
guest belongs, he asks whether the latter
is a friend of the bride or of the groom.
The head usher, who is stationed in the
middle aisle, usually has some acquaintance
with most of the chief guests.
The groom and best man arrive in good
season, remaining in the vestry or robing-room
until after the clergyman has appeared
upon the scene. They then emerge
from their concealment and stand at the
back of the chancel, waiting for the arrival
of the bridal cortège. The bride’s mother
does not form part of this, but is escorted
to her place by an usher shortly before its
appearance. In the mean time the bridesmaids
repair in their carriages to the house
of the bride, in order that all may start together
for the church. She and her father
should be ready at the hour agreed upon,
their carriage bringing up the rear of the
little procession. As it approaches the
church, the ushers close in the pews of the
middle aisle by carrying a white ribbon
.bn 133.png
.pn +1
down either side of it. This should not be
removed until the bridal party has driven
away at the conclusion of the ceremony.
As the carriages of the bridal party appear,
the ushers see that all doors are closed from
the vestibule into the church, as well as
those leading into the street, excepting
that by which the cortège is to enter. The
head bridesmaid, or the maid of honor,
spreads out the bride’s train, unless this
is done by a special attendant.
The procession then forms, the doors of
the central aisle are thrown open, and the
organist plays the wedding march. The
ushers come first, walking in pairs; the
bridesmaids follow, then the maid of honor,
and last of all the bride with her father.
The bridegroom comes forward, takes the
bride’s hand, and leads her before the
clergyman. Half the bridesmaids and
ushers now turn to the left and take up
their places near the bridal couple, the
other half do the same on the right, the
girls standing on the inside, the men on the
outside. If there is a maid of honor, she
should be at the bride’s left; if there is
none, then the first bridesmaid takes this
.bn 134.png
.pn +1
position in order to help her friend pull
off her left glove when the ring is to be
put on, to remove the veil from her face
at the close of the ceremony, and to see
that her train is properly arranged as she
starts to walk down the aisle.
If the bride and groom are to kneel
down, it is well to provide hassocks for
the purpose. The bridesmaids and ushers
remain standing, however. Something of
a sensation was caused at a recent fashionable
wedding in Boston when an emotional
young man knelt down, to the consternation
of his fellows. The other ushers were
obliged to follow suit, the twelve going
down upon their knees in a semicircle.
The father of the bride remains standing
a little behind the young couple, until the
clergyman asks who gives her away. He
then steps forward and places her right hand
in that of the clergyman, who in turn puts
it in the groom’s right hand. This is in
accordance with the ritual of the Episcopal
Church. Sometimes the father intimates
his consent merely by bowing, but the
first mentioned is the better way. His
part in the ceremony now being at an end,
.bn 135.png
.pn +1
he retires to the pew where his wife is
sitting. If the bride’s father is not living,
her oldest brother or nearest male relative
gives her away. A widowed mother sometimes
performs this office.
Guests should come to the church in
good season, so that they may be settled
quietly in their places before the arrival
of the bridal party. To come at the last
moment is not according to good form.
At the conclusion of the ceremony they
should remain in the pews until the wedding
procession and the near relations
have passed out. Those who have received
invitations to the reception then
go to the house of the bride’s parents. It
is well not to hasten there too rapidly,
however, as the bridal party will need a
few moments to arrange themselves. As
the bride’s mother is the hostess of the
occasion, she and the father may stand
near the door of the drawing-room so as
to greet the guests as they enter. Strangers
ask the ushers to present them. All then
pass on to the end of the apartment, where
the bride and groom stand together, the
bridesmaids being on the right of the former;
.bn 136.png
.pn +1
or they may be divided in the same
way as at the church, half on either side
of the young couple. The groom’s parents
stand near by. The other guests should
be presented to them.
The bride greets all cordially, shaking
hands with them and presenting to her husband
those with whom he is not acquainted.
Only near relations and intimate friends
are privileged to kiss the bride. At a
large wedding reception there is not time
to say much to the newly married couple,
as the line passes on rapidly. Where there
is only a friendly acquaintance, it suffices
to say, “I wish you every possible happiness,”
or something of the sort. If the
presents are on exhibition, the guests go
up-stairs to see them and then pass on into
the dining-room. This method of having
the company go forward in line should be
adopted where many people are present.
It is quicker than the old custom, in accordance
with which the best man and
ushers escorted the guests up to the bride
and groom and the parents. These young
men are always on hand, however, acting
as masters of ceremony. They introduce
.bn 137.png
.pn +1
strangers to the bride and groom and ask
people to go into the dining-room. There
they wait upon the ladies who are without
escort. The collation is served from a
large central table in the dining-room.
Some caterers arrange a buffet at the side,
thus taking up less space. For a large
reception the bill of fare would comprise
bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters in
their season, ices, little cakes, and coffee.
Birds and other delicacies are sometimes
added. If wine is served it is usually
champagne. For a wedding in the country
the menu may be much simpler, chicken
salad, sandwiches, ice-cream, and coffee,
for instance. Indeed, it is perfectly proper,
where only a few friends are invited,
to offer cake and wine alone.
The bride and groom remain in their
places until all the guests have had an
opportunity to greet them. This means
that they will stay there during the greater
part of the reception, if many persons are
present. Where the wedding is not a large
one they repair to the dining-room, or
refreshments may be brought to them in
the drawing-room. In the former case the
.bn 138.png
.pn +1
best man or some near friend proposes
their health, all honoring the toast by
standing, glass in hand, and taking at least
a sip of the wine. The bride remains during
an hour or more of the reception, and
then withdraws to assume her traveling-dress.
A sister, the maid of honor, or
one or more of the bridesmaids help her
to do this, while the mother comes in
before her daughter is ready to leave the
room. The last good-by is, of course,
for this dear parent. The maid of honor
and the best man do what they can to
facilitate the escape of the young couple
from the friends who are waiting in the
front hall to bombard them with rice,
confetti, or flowers. This method of saluting
the bride and groom is so well established
that it seems best to accept it
philosophically and good-naturedly. Some
young men are not satisfied with rice or
confetti throwing, but indulge in a rowdyism
of behavior that cannot be too strongly
condemned. The bride creates a diversion
by dropping her bouquet from the
elevator or the top of the stairs. Her
young women friends scramble for it, the
.bn 139.png
.pn +1
person who catches it being sure to marry
within the year, according to the old superstition.
Where the marriage takes place at noon,
a wedding breakfast may be arranged for
the bridal party alone, or for as many
guests as the house will hold comfortably.
In the warm season the veranda and
lawns of a country house are also utilized.
The breakfast may be served “en buffet”
as at a reception, or the company may be
seated at one or more tables, in accordance
with the number present. The latter is the
more elegant method, but requires more
service. If many persons are invited, there
is usually a large central table ornamented
with white flowers for the bridal party, with
smaller ones for the rest of the company.
When the collation is ready the groom
gives his arm to the bride and leads the
way to the dining-room, followed by the
bride’s father with the groom’s mother,
the groom’s father with the bride’s mother,
the best man with the maid of honor or
first bridesmaid, and the other bridesmaids,
each being escorted by an usher. Sometimes
the clergyman who performs the
.bn 140.png
.pn +1
marriage ceremony takes in the bride’s
mother, allowing the others to precede
them as a hostess would at a dinner. In
this case the groom’s father takes in the
bride’s aunt or some other member of her
family. The newly married couple sit
side by side at the head of the table, the
bride’s mother sitting at the foot, between
the groom’s father and the clergyman.
According to another arrangement, the
bride’s father with the groom’s mother
sits beside his daughter, the bride’s mother
with the groom’s father coming next to
the bridegroom. Half the bridesmaids
and ushers sit on each side of the table.
If the newly married couple sit in the middle
of one side instead of at the head, the
bridesmaids and ushers are placed opposite
to them. Should the size of the table
permit and the bride’s mother so desire,
other relatives or friends may be placed
there. Indeed, at a small breakfast all the
guests are seated at one table. In this
case it is well to have place-cards. At a
large wedding the guests not belonging
to the bridal party follow the latter into
the dining-room, entering without formality.
.bn 141.png
.pn +1
Sometimes the small tables are arranged
in the adjoining rooms and in the
hall. No place-cards are used for these.
The breakfast is served in courses, ending
with after-dinner coffee; it is usually
accompanied by champagne. It is according
to old tradition to have the bride
cut the cake; but she does nothing more
than to insert the knife, the attendants
dividing it into slices and handing these
about. The most sensible way of distributing
the cake is to have it packed in
boxes beforehand by the caterer. These
are arranged on a table in the front hall, a
servant handing a box to each person as
he leaves. At the close of the repast, the
health of the bride and groom is proposed
by the best man, by the father of the groom,
or by an old family friend. The father of
the bride or the bridegroom himself sometimes
responds. If any speeches are to
be made, the speakers should be notified
beforehand. At the conclusion of these or
of the toasts the bride retires to put on her
traveling-dress.
Where the two families who are about
to be united by marriage live at a distance
.bn 142.png
.pn +1
from each other, the bride’s parents
should invite the groom’s father and
mother or other near relatives to stay
with them. Should it not be convenient
to exercise this personal hospitality, they
should engage rooms at a hotel for these
out-of-town guests. In the country or in
a suburban town the bride’s aunts, cousins,
and near friends throw open their houses
and entertain as many of the wedding-party
as they can. For the remainder, accommodations
are secured at the local inn
or at a boarding-house. All this should
be definitely arranged beforehand. Each
lady who has kindly consented to act as a
hostess should write a personal note of invitation
to the guests allotted to her, asking
them to stay at her house or apartment.
She should inquire at what time
they will arrive, and should go to meet
the ladies, or send some one to do so, on
their arrival at the station. If she possesses
an automobile or a carriage or can
borrow one, she will go in that. It is
courteous to send a conveyance to meet
the gentlemen also; but it is not necessary,
as men can usually take care of themselves.
.bn 143.png
.pn +1
The bride’s parents thus exercise
a vicarious hospitality, in addition to doing
what they can personally to make the visitors
welcome. They will, if possible, invite
the friends from a distance to their
house on the day preceding the marriage.
The entertainment may take the form of
a dinner, or the guests may be asked to
come in the evening very informally. The
bride’s family should greet them all with
much cordiality. Simple refreshments such
as lemonade, coffee, or ice-cream with cake
may be served. The presents may be on
view in a room up-stairs.
The bride’s parents do not pay the hotel
bills of friends and relatives coming to
the wedding from a distance, unless they
have invited the latter to come as their
guests. They may assume this expense
if they please, but it is in no way obligatory
for them to do so. When a wedding
takes place in the neighborhood of a large
city and many of the guests come by train,
the bride’s family should make sure that
there are conveyances at the station to
bring to the house or church persons who
cannot well walk. If the weather is good,
.bn 144.png
.pn +1
and the street-cars pass conveniently near,
only a few carriages may be needed. If
the bride’s father is a man of means, he
will engage vehicles of some sort to meet
the train and transport all the guests at
his expense. Special cars or special trains
are sometimes provided for out-of-town
weddings. In this case persons receiving
invitations should respond promptly and
definitely, in order that the host may know
what railroad and other accommodations
will be necessary.
.bn 145.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch07
VII||
.dv class=font85
Luncheons of Women’s Clubs—Duties of Dinner and
Reception Committees—Arrangements in Suburban
Towns—The Courteous and the Discourteous Guest—Evening
Dress and Demi-toilette.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.2 0.65
THERE are several definitions of the
phrase “a public dinner.” We may
hold that it means only those large general
functions, usually of a political nature,
which are virtually open to the public on
payment of a certain sum at a stated time.
Or we may give the term a much broader
application and include under it all dinners
that are not private, such as the banquets
of clubs and societies, to which tickets are
purchased by members of the organization
and their friends. In this chapter the
phrase is used in its broader and more general
meaning.
A public dinner is usually a subscription
.bn 146.png
.pn +1
affair, all paying for their tickets except
the specially invited guests. These are of
two classes—namely, the persons invited
by the association or club as a whole, and
those who are asked by the individual
members. An invitation to subscribe is
sent to all who are likely to be interested
in the object of the occasion, or to a small
and select circle, as the case may demand.
If this is to contain full information, a
double sheet of white note-paper should
be used. It may be ornamented with a
suitable device, such as the national flag
or a likeness of the hero of the day. The
matter may be engraved, or printed, if the
work is done in thoroughly good style.
Plain black type of two or three sizes, but
all in the same style, has a very good effect.
The formula for the first page may be
as follows:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
You are invited to attend
The Second Annual
WASHINGTON’S BIRTHDAY DINNER
of the
REPUBLICAN PARTY
.bn 147.png
.pn +1
to be held at the
WALDORF-ASTORIA
Fifth Avenue and Thirty-third Street
New York City
Monday evening, February twenty-third
Nineteen hundred and fifteen
at seven o’clock
Ladies are invited
.pm centered-end
.sp 1
.ni
The second page may contain the list of
speakers and their subjects. On the third
page additional information may be inserted,
as, for instance:
.sp 1
.pm centered-start
NOTICE
.pm centered-end
.pi
.nf b
\_\_The dinner will be served at 7:15
P.M. sharp, and will end at 11:15
P.M. sharp. As it will be run on
schedule time, you may depend on
both hours.
\_\_Tickets will be $5.00 each; the
tables seat ten.
\_\_Please reply on the inclosed
blank. Checks should be made
payable to John Doe, Treasurer,
.bn 148.png
.pn +1
and sent to him at 32 Amsterdam
Avenue, New York City, Telephone
3789 Spring.
\_\_Those sending in their remittances
at once will receive a preference
in the seating.
.nf-
.sp 1
The names of the members of the Dinner
Committee follow. Where it is unnecessary
to set forth the attractions of the
affair in order to procure subscribers, the
list of the speakers and committeemen may
be omitted. A printed subscription-blank
and envelope addressed to the treasurer
are inclosed. The plan of sending tickets
without first obtaining permission to do
so is strongly objected to by most people,
and with good reason.
The general committee may be divided
into two or three smaller ones—namely, the
committees of arrangements, of invitations,
and of the floor. All act as a reception
committee on the evening of the dinner,
and all wear badges. They thus show
their authority and enable guests to appeal
to them for information. It is important
that efficient persons shall be chosen as
.bn 149.png
.pn +1
chairmen and vice-chairmen. The latter,
like the vice-president of the United States,
may be called upon to fulfil the duties of
the higher office. Where there are several
committees it is well for their heads to
meet together from time to time, in order
to make sure that the sphere of each is well
defined, that all the ground is covered, and
that there is no duplication of work.
The main responsibility, however, rests
with the chairman of the general or dinner
committee, who often does the greater
part of the work. He it is who must consult
with the maître d’hôtel. Together they
select a day and decide upon the menu.
The Waldorf-Astoria is the favorite place
for men’s public dinners. It is so much in
demand for this purpose that the date of
a function is decided months or even a
year in advance. About twenty-five per
cent, in addition to the price of the dinner
must be allowed for music, fee to head
waiter, and other incidentals. Thus, if the
entertainment is to cost four dollars, the
price of the tickets should be five dollars;
if the dinner costs two dollars, two dollars
and a half should be charged.
.bn 150.png
.pn +1
When the affair takes place at a first-class
hotel there is little cause for anxiety,
as the management furnish the articles of
the bill of fare and the service, and are
responsible for both. When the dinner is
held at a hall, the chairman of the dinner
committee should employ a caterer of established
reputation who can be trusted
to supply food of the proper quality and
quantity, as well as a sufficient number of
trained waiters under the control of a competent
head man. This functionary should
be present at the dinner and direct his
subordinates as occasion may require.
While modern standards of taste do not
demand such a number of courses as were
formerly provided, it is essential that the
dishes should be good of their kind, and
that the supply should be large enough to
meet all reasonable requirements. It is certainly
desirable to have the service rapid,
but guests should have a little patience,
for all cannot be served at once. To bribe
the waiters at an occasion of this sort is
“bad form,” since it is unfair to the other
guests and may result in utter demoralization
of the service. Some people eat their
.bn 151.png
.pn +1
dinner before they leave home, attending
the public function only for its social side
and for the pleasure of hearing the speeches.
With regard to feeing the waiters at a public
dinner, it should be said that at a first-class
hotel the management allows no
intimations or hints to be made on this
subject. Each guest does as he sees fit in
the matter—the feeing is optional and personal,
not collective. The placing of a
plate on the table and thus holding up the
diners is sometimes seen in out-of-town
places, but is contrary to good form. It
may be said that at large public dinners in
New York about half the men fee the
waiters. Wine is not included in the menu
on these occasions. Those who order it
do so at their own expense, and usually
give a tip. Twenty-five cents is expected
for a bottle of champagne, ten or fifteen
cents for white wine or claret.
In order to insure good results, the committee
of arrangements should, after consultation
with their caterer, fix a certain
day or hour after which they will refuse
to receive subscriptions. The temptation
to admit additional guests at the last moment
.bn 152.png
.pn +1
should be firmly resisted. In New
York City, hotels usually refuse to arrange
for the seating of additional guests after
three o’clock of the day of the banquet.
In country places it is necessary to give
much longer notice. At the luncheons of
the State Federations of Women’s Clubs
great discomfort ensues when the delegates
do not conform to the rules, but arrive
in large numbers without giving the
required notice to the entertainment committee.
If the place of meeting is in some
quiet country town, the latter find it difficult
or impossible to procure additional
supplies of food, yet they dislike very much
to send the visitors away hungry. The result
is often delay, confusion, and dissatisfaction.
If a public dinner is held in a
place of this sort, where no good caterer
is available, some local organization of
women—those belonging to a certain
church or league—may be asked to furnish
the entertainment. If they are capable
persons and have had some experience
in work of this sort, the result will be satisfactory.
A simpler bill of fare would,
in this instance, replace the more elaborate
.bn 153.png
.pn +1
provisions of the professional caterer.
Small tables seating from six to ten
guests are now preferred to the long ones
formerly in vogue. Eight is the number
usually selected. The table for the speakers
and guests of honor is placed on a platform
in the middle of one end of the room.
It is handsomely decorated and has seats
on three sides only, the fourth being left
vacant, so that the speakers can see and
be seen. The president or chairman sits
in the middle, the most distinguished guest
on his right, the person of next consideration
on his left. If both men and women
are at the table, their seats should, so far
as possible, alternate. A name-card is set
at each place, together with the bill of fare,
engraved or nicely printed. When the
guests are assigned to small numbered
tables, place-cards are not used, but each
guest is furnished with a menu.
The committee of arrangements should
provide one or more cloak-rooms, with attendants
to check the various articles of
clothing. If ladies are invited, there
should be a special dressing and cloak
.bn 154.png
.pn +1
room for their use, also an awning and
carpet at the entrance if the weather is
bad. A man will be needed to help the
ladies from their carriages and to call
these at the close of the entertainment.
Members of the floor or reception committee,
wearing their badges, should be on
hand to direct the guests and to prevent
as far as possible congestion in the hallways;
or employees of the hotel may
be stationed in the corridors for this purpose.
The dinner is usually preceded by
an informal reception of half or three-quarters
of an hour, in order to give all an
opportunity to meet the chief guests or
chief speaker. It is held in one of the parlors
of the establishment, the president of
the organization, the chairman of the dinner
committee, or the toastmaster standing
with the chief guest at the head of the
room. It is the duty of the members of
the reception committee to see that all
are presented to this distinguished couple.
They move about the rooms, capturing
and bringing up those guests who have
not yet spoken to the hosts of the evening.
They inquire the names of men with whom
.bn 155.png
.pn +1
they are not personally acquainted and
introduce them to the president, who
shakes hands and in turn presents them
to the guest of honor.
At the receptions of women’s clubs there
is often a receiving-line consisting of the
officers of the body, and sometimes one or
more distinguished guests. The club members
and their friends go up and shake
hands with the president, who introduces
them to the guest of honor. It is not
necessary to speak to all in the receiving-party,
unless one is personally acquainted
with them. Where many persons are
present they usually go up in line. A
member of the floor committee may introduce
them to the hostess of the evening.
If there is no one to perform this office for
her, a guest should pronounce her own
name. It is the custom in some clubs to
receive merely with a gracious bow or
courtesy, the president shaking hands
only with her personal friends. In this
case a guest who does not know any of
the ladies makes a low bow to include them
all, and passes on.
When there is no regular reception, the
.bn 156.png
.pn +1
company gather in the drawing-rooms and
chat together until the doors are opened
into the dining-room. The president and
chief guest go first, the other guests of
honor follow, each escorted by a member
of the reception committee. The remainder
of the company do not form in
line, but enter as they find convenient.
At certain clubs—the National Arts of
New York, for instance—the gentlemen
give their arms to the ladies, as they would
at a dinner in a private house. Members
of the society should inform their guests
beforehand of this custom. If a gentleman
has two ladies under his care, and is unable
to find an escort for either of them,
he should offer his arm to the elder, the
younger walking beside her. Occasionally
it is arranged at a public dinner to have
all go directly from the dressing-rooms to
the dining-hall. This saves the rent of
parlors; but it is much better to have a
reception of some sort precede the banquet.
There are several ways of letting people
know where their places are. Sometimes
the number of the table is printed on the
.bn 157.png
.pn +1
ticket, and on entering the dining-room it
is only necessary to hunt up the corresponding
numerals. These are painted
conspicuously on large cards standing on
the various tables. It is a better, though
more expensive, plan to print on large
sheets of paper the list of guests, arranged
alphabetically, and the number of the table
at which each person is to sit. These
are distributed to everybody. Unfortunately,
at the conventions of some associations
the members do not decide to attend
the dinner until such a late hour of the
day that the unlucky committee of arrangements
are obliged to spend the afternoon
planning where all are to sit. A few
lists hastily printed are fastened up in the
assembly-room, and around these the men
gather in flocks to try to ascertain where
their seats are. If these are in a remote
part of the hall, the guest should make no
comment, but should accept the arrangements
made for him without complaint.
The courteous man does so, while the discourteous
one grumbles and perhaps tries
to have his seat changed. I am sorry to
say that some persons who ought to know
.bn 158.png
.pn +1
better think that it is “smart” to rush in
ahead of others, and to seize a place that
belongs of right to some one else. The
man who thus trespasses on the laws of
good-breeding shows that he is not smart,
but only imperfectly civilized. If every
one followed his example there would be
an end to law and order, and we should return
to barbarism. Since it is usual for
all to leave their tables and draw near
to the speakers at the conclusion of the
banquet, a distant seat is not necessarily
a serious drawback to one’s enjoyment.
At a public dinner the tickets may or
may not be taken up. Sometimes there
is a man in livery at the door of the dining-room
who performs this office, sometimes
each waiter collects them from the diners
at the table where he is stationed. When
the plan of printing a sheet containing the
names of all the subscribers is followed,
and no one is assigned a seat after this
list goes to press, it is not really necessary
to take up the tickets. If any one has
forgotten to pay, the committee can easily
send him a bill. Where the tickets are
.bn 159.png
.pn +1
collected, it suffices for a man who has forgotten
his to give his visiting-card. At
men’s dinners no tickets are demanded
from guests. Those invited by the association
are seated at the speaker’s or other
special table, and paid for by the society.
Those asked by private members are paid
for by the latter. A gentleman who engages
a table for himself and his friends is
held responsible for it.
The society giving the banquet is held
responsible for the whole number of persons
actually present at the dinner. Hence
a careful count of them must be made.
After taking up the tickets at the different
tables, the waiters report to the captain of
the floor. This functionary informs the
chairman of the dinner committee of the
result of the count about the time when
the third course is put on. It is now the
duty of the chairman to see that the number
has been correctly estimated. He
leaves his seat, goes about the room and
into the gallery if he pleases, counting the
diners. Since all the tables seat the same
number of persons, usually eight, this is
not so difficult as it might appear. It
.bn 160.png
.pn +1
takes some time, however, to count several
hundred people, especially as it must be
done a second time if the reckoning of
the chairman does not agree with that
of the captain of the floor. When this
officer of the association acts as toastmaster
also, as often happens, he has no
time to eat any dinner, and a supper is
served to him afterward.
The question may be asked, “Should
public dinners be opened with grace?”
They often are, but the custom is by no
means universal. If a clergyman is at
the speaker’s table, he will be requested
to ask a blessing. A guest of distinction
is occasionally invited to do so, sometimes
to his great surprise. It is always possible
to use the silent grace of the Quakers or
Friends. The usual form is, “For what
we are about to receive make us truly
thankful,” etc. Those who find themselves
seated at table with people whom
they do not know should remember that
it is always courteous to say a few words to
one’s next-door neighbors, even if they are
strangers. They may prove to be very
agreeable people.
.bn 161.png
.pn +1
The president of the association, or the
chairman of the committee in charge, calls
the company to order at the end of the
dinner. He makes a short address himself,
and then introduces the speakers in
turn, with a few words of compliment or
explanation. A good toastmaster must
have a voice clear and strong enough to
be heard all over the room. He should
also be witty, gracious, and tactful. If
the president is not well qualified for this
office, the vice-president or some other
person should be asked to make the introductions.
It is sometimes arranged to
have the speakers begin while the dinner
is still in progress. The rattling of the
plates, as the servants remove and replace
them, creates so much disturbance that
this plan should be adopted only where
the service has been delayed and the hour
is growing late. Occasionally we hear of
a dinner where all speech-making has been
omitted, or replaced by “Voiceless Speech.”
Dancing now tends to crowd out all other
forms of amusement at entertainments of
all sorts.
The regulation wear for a public, as for a
.bn 162.png
.pn +1
private, dinner is evening dress. At a political
banquet, however, a variety of costumes
may be seen, some men coming in business
suits, either because they find this more
convenient or because they do not possess
a dress-suit. A man who is a faithful adherent
of his party may feel it to be his
duty and his pleasure to attend its festivities.
At a stag dinner a dinner-jacket
with black waistcoat, black trousers and
tie may be worn. Many women wear low-necked
and short-sleeved gowns. Others
dislike doing so on such a public occasion.
They wear handsome costumes of
silk, satin, velvet, brocade, chiffon, or other
dressy material, slightly cut down at the
neck and with elbow-sleeves. The French
call this “demi-toilette,” signifying that
it is a half-way stage between every-day
and full dress. For a public reception in
the evening, the dress is much the same
as at a dinner. Most women wear no
hats, but some appear in light-colored,
dressy bonnets.
As a public dinner often lasts very late,
many persons slip quietly out between the
speeches, taking leave only of those sitting
.bn 163.png
.pn +1
next them. It is discourteous to go out
in the middle of an address. If one should
meet a member of the reception committee,
one would naturally express pleasure in
the evening’s entertainment. Guests at
the speaker’s table would take leave of
the presiding officer, if seated near him.
The general body of diners do not think
it necessary to take leave, since every man
has paid for his own ticket, and so is in
a sense his own host.
If anybody has any cause of complaint,
it is best to say nothing about it at the
time, but to speak or write afterward to
the head of the proper committee. One
should begin by praising the entertainment
as a whole, and then suggest in a
courteous way that such and such a matter
might perhaps be arranged differently
on the occasion of the next banquet.
.bn 164.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch08
VIII||
.dv class=font85
Dinner and Subscription Dances—Roof-garden
Dances—Reciprocal Duties of the Chaperon and Her
Charge—How to Enter and How to Leave a Ballroom—Objectionable
Styles of Dancing—The Stag
Line and the Dance Programme—The Hostess and Her
Assistants—The Host—Introductions at Public and at
Private Dances—Duties of Floor Committee—Supper
Etiquette—Dress for Young Girls and Married Women—Dress
for Men.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.5 0.7
ACCORDING to the rules of good society,
her mother, or some other
chaperon of good position and suitable
age, should always accompany a young girl
when she goes to a ball or other dance in
the evening. If this rule were always enforced
as it should be, we should not hear
of the escapades which some thoughtless
young women have indulged in of late
years. The swinging back of the pendulum,
which is sure to follow an excess
.bn 165.png
.pn +1
in one direction, will doubtless result before
long in a stricter chaperonage. Suffice
it to say that at present, while a matron
is expected to go with her charge to public
balls and dances and on many other occasions,
at subscription affairs and at those
in private houses she often does not do so.
It must not be supposed that the young
women go alone or under masculine escort.
This would be contrary to good form. In
the absence of the mother a lady’s-maid
accompanies the daughter, waits for her
until the dance is over, and returns in the
carriage with her. The girls are not wholly
without chaperons, as the patronesses act
in this capacity. It must be remembered
also that these subscription dances are in
a sense private affairs, although held in
assembly-rooms. The patronesses make
out a list of eligible persons whom they ask
to subscribe, and permit no one else to do
so. Certain assemblies are arranged upon
another plan, the patronesses each subscribing
for twelve tickets, and then inviting
six men and five girls to be their guests.
They often ask these young ladies to dine
with them on the evening of the dance, or
.bn 166.png
.pn +1
the girls may take dinner with friends and
all go on together.
The case is very different with the afternoon
and evening dances which have
sprung up in such great numbers since the
advent of the tango craze. Since anybody
is admitted who pays the entrance fee,
these are public affairs, and not private
in any sense of the word. The so-called
chaperon who at some places acts as mistress
of ceremonies is supposed to pass
judgment on the applicants for admission;
but evidently it would not be possible for
her to exercise this right of judgment except
in the most superficial way. To a
dance of this sort no young woman should
think of going without a personal chaperon.
In a city like New York we should strongly
advise her to attend only afternoon affairs,
and to remain an onlooker. In a smaller
place where every one knows everybody
else, and all are acquainted with the person
getting up the dance, the case would
be different. At a public dance the chaperon
should not permit any introductions
to be made to the young girl under her
charge by persons unknown to her, and
.bn 167.png
.pn +1
she most certainly should not allow the
latter to dance with strangers. The mistress
of ceremonies makes introductions
where they are desired, but to form acquaintances
in a public resort of this kind
is not according to good form, and might
indeed be very unsafe. Strangers coming
to New York, or any other large city,
should make careful inquiries before going
to roof-gardens or other places of entertainment
where there is dancing, for while
some of these are entirely respectable, others
are not.
We have said that at a private or subscription
dance a girl often does not have a
personal chaperon, the patronesses assuming
the duties of the latter in a general
way. When a matron does accompany a
young woman, it is the duty of the former
to promote the pleasure of her young
charge, to prevent her from forming undesirable
acquaintances and from making
herself too conspicuous. For all these reasons
she needs to keep a watchful eye on
her daughter or other young friend. If
the girl wanders off into the gallery in the
company of some agreeable young man,
.bn 168.png
.pn +1
mamma must go or send after them and bid
them return to the floor of the ballroom.
A patroness would do this in the case of
an unchaperoned girl. If a girl shows too
marked a partiality for any individual,
the mother who is a clever woman of the
world manages to break up the tête-à-tête.
She would do the same thing should a
man of whom she disapproved be introduced
to her daughter. Formerly a chaperon
worthy of the name sat still and served
as an island of refuge to the young woman
under her care. The latter returned to
her protecting wing to rest between the
numbers of the programme, or when she
had no partner for supper or dance. Whenever
opportunity offered, the chaperon introduced
young men to her charge. It
must be confessed that the modern conditions
of the ballroom restrict the beneficent
activity of the matron on many occasions.
In the first place, she finds it much
harder to sit still. No one under the age
of Methuselah is immune from the present
craze for dancing. At the Charity Ball in
New York this year the boxes were deserted,
old as well as young capering about
.bn 169.png
.pn +1
on the light fantastic toe. In the second
place, the new custom of almost continuous
dancing leaves few or no intervals for rest.
Hence a girl cannot return to her chaperon
so frequently as under the old régime.
Youth is apt to be selfish, often through
thoughtlessness. The young woman who
is having a delightful evening must not
forget that the hours will pass much more
slowly for her chaperon. Even if the latter
dances herself, she will not be able to continue
it so long as those of the younger
generation. A girl must have some consideration
for her mother and not keep her
up until an unconscionably late hour. If
mamma sends word to her daughter that
it is time to go home, the latter should
come without unnecessary delay. The
girl should return to her mother’s side
from time to time as opportunity offers,
especially if the latter knows few people
and is having a dull evening. She will, of
course, always allow the older lady to
precede her, and will introduce her young
friends to her chaperon as occasion arises.
Thus, when they make their first entrance
into the ballroom at the beginning of the
.bn 170.png
.pn +1
evening, the latter goes in a step or two in
advance of the younger woman. If a man
is of the party, he follows the ladies. The
custom of entering arm-in-arm has gone
entirely out of fashion, as we have already
said. At subscription dances in New York
it is usual to announce the guests as they
go in, a servant standing at the door for
the purpose. The patronesses should be
in line to receive them; but at some
dances there is no one to perform the
office. These official hostesses may greet
all comers with a bow or courtesy, or they
may follow the more cordial custom of
shaking hands. At the subscription dances
in New York the last-named method is
usually followed. In Boston a girl is
taken up to the receiving-line by an usher.
She then makes a sweeping courtesy to
all the patronesses, and dances with him.
Whether they shake hands or merely bow,
it is the duty of the ladies who receive to
do so in a gracious manner, as befits a
hostess.
Should one take leave of the latter after
a dance? This depends upon circumstances.
The persons who take their departure
.bn 171.png
.pn +1
early often slip out quietly, in order
not to advertise the fact that they are
going. It is not altogether a compliment
to a hostess to leave early in the evening,
and if many people did so it would tend
to break up the ball. Should one pass
near the lady of the house, however, politeness
requires that one should bid her
good night and express pleasure in the
evening’s entertainment or congratulate
her on its success. Later on, when the
movement to go home becomes general,
all take their leave of the hostess, and of
the host, if he is standing near.
The discussion about the merits and demerits
of the new styles of dancing has
raged so vigorously in press and pulpit
that every one is familiar with it. The
result of all this debate has been good,
since the objectionable features have been
to a great extent removed. When the
tango and the other new dances were first
introduced, there was a great deal of unfavorable
criticism of the method of holding
the partner, and of the “shaking and
wiggling” motions of the body. The latter
was a consequence, it is said, of the slow
.bn 172.png
.pn +1
movement of the music. This rendered it
difficult to dance without a swaying accompaniment.
By making the tempo a
little more rapid it has been found possible
to eliminate the last feature, and good
dancers have proved that the tango, one-step,
and the like can be executed well
and gracefully without holding the partner
too closely. It is evident that the new
dances have been greatly modified, and
that they will not be given up at present.
It is pointed out that there always have
been, and perhaps always will be, some
persons who dance in a way that people
of refinement disapprove of. It is a rule
of good society to avoid everything that
makes a person conspicuous, hence amateur
dancers of good taste do not take their
steps in the exaggerated and sensational
style suitable only for professional performers.
A lady who wishes to give a large dance
usually hires an assembly-room, unless she
possesses a very spacious house. The arrangements
at the front door, in the dressing-rooms,
etc., are the same as those described
elsewhere. Checks for the wraps,
.bn 173.png
.pn +1
hats, and coats will be needed, cigars and
cigarettes may be provided for the men.
The use of dance programmes has been
abandoned to a great extent, except at
college, military, and naval balls. Here
the young ladies often come from a distance,
and the dance-cards are filled out
for them beforehand by their brothers or
friends.
Where a débutante is to be introduced
to society she stands beside her mother,
who shakes hands cordially with all her
guests and then presents her daughter to
the ladies, the men being introduced to
the young girl. If the older daughters assist
in receiving, they stand beyond the
youngest. The husband sometimes receives
with his wife, and sometimes does
not. At a dance in a private house, a
greater responsibility devolves upon the
hostess than in a subscription affair, where
a floor committee have the management
of matters. She endeavors to provide her
guests with partners, and makes some introductions,
her husband and daughters
assisting her.
At a subscription dance, if a young girl
.bn 174.png
.pn +1
after making her bow to the patronesses
fails to meet any one whom she knows,
one of these official hostesses or a member
of the floor committee presents a partner
to her. These gentlemen wear a small
boutonnière to indicate their office. It is
their duty and pleasure to make everything
go off well, and to assist the young girls
in any way that may be needed. They
know most of the guests and make introductions.
According to the present system of dancing,
a number of the men form “a stag
line” near the patronesses. After a couple
have danced one or more times around the
room, another man steps out from this
line and “breaks in,” as the term is. That
is to say, he interrupts their progress and
asks the girl to dance with him. This she
should certainly do, unless there is some
very special reason for refusing. It would
be awkward for the young man to go back
to the line, as every one would see that
his invitation had been declined. It would
probably result in an awkward situation
for the girl also, as to dance a long time
with the same partner continuously is now
.bn 175.png
.pn +1
considered highly undesirable. A young
woman who does so runs the risk of being
considered a wall-flower. If she does not
know many of the young men present, it
may happen that no one will “break in,”
and it will become her duty, after a certain
length of time, to release her partner.
There are several ways of doing this. She
may ask to speak to the patronesses or to
another girl. In the last case an exchange
of partners may be effected, or the young
man whom she is releasing may bring up
a third man and present him to the other
young lady; or our young friend may appeal
to a member of the floor committee.
He will perhaps dance with her himself, or
present another partner to her. Young
women sometimes serve on the floor committee
at a dance. These are usually girls
who have been for some years in society.
While, as has been said, a young woman
should not under ordinary circumstances
refuse to dance with a man who “breaks
in,” it is permissible for her to do so, if her
partner is unwilling to release her. If he
intimates to the new-comer that it is his
dance and that he does not want to give
.bn 176.png
.pn +1
it up, then the girl may, if she pleases, go
on dancing with him. This arrangement
of a stag line with frequent change of
partners is suitable only for private or
semi-private affairs, such as subscription
dances. For a public ball the older method
of engaging a partner for an entire number
is the proper one.
For the time being, the cotillion, or German,
has gone very much out of fashion.
The modern system of continuous dancing
and taking only short turns with each partner,
makes it less of a compliment than
formerly to engage a young lady for a single
dance. Hence special emphasis is now laid
on the invitation to supper. A man who
wishes to make some return for hospitality
extended to him, or to show a young woman
particular attention, asks her to go in to
supper with him, as he would a few years
ago have engaged her for the German.
Hence it is very desirable for a girl to have
this part of the programme arranged in
good season. If she has no partner when
the supper-hour arrives, she is in rather
an awkward position, especially if she has
no chaperon. The man with whom she is
.bn 177.png
.pn +1
talking at the moment will be obliged to
excuse himself if he has previously arranged
to take in some one else. She
should ask him to escort her to her chaperon,
if the latter is present, or to the patronesses;
or she may retire to the dressing-room or
go home. Occasionally one girl joins another
who is provided with an escort, but
this is seldom advisable, even if the two
young women know each other well.
Since “Two are company but three are a
crowd,” a girl does not wish to spoil her
friend’s pleasure by making an unwelcome
third member of the party.
If the young lady has a supper-partner,
the question may be asked, what becomes
of her chaperon at a subscription dance?
The latter sometimes goes into the dining-room
with one of the older men, or she
joins the patronesses. These ladies are
now quite independent, and go in to supper
with or without male escort, as they
find convenient, since few of the husbands
attend the dances. The young people
march in after the elders, going in pairs,
but not arm-in-arm. Sometimes four or
five couples arrange to have supper together,
.bn 178.png
.pn +1
and thus make a merry affair
of it.
At a dance in a private house, when the
musicians play the march which indicates
that all is in readiness in the dining-room,
the host leads the way thither with the
eldest or the most distinguished lady
present. The other guests follow without
formality. The hostess makes sure that
all have preceded her, or, if some of the
ladies prefer to remain in the drawing-room,
she despatches a gentleman or one
of the waiters to attend to their wants.
This in case the service is “en buffet.”
If little tables are provided for the guests,
then all should be seated thereat. Should
the supper-room not be large enough
to contain these comfortably, the tables
should be brought in and distributed about
the drawing-rooms and halls. With this
arrangement a course supper is provided.
The buffet service is easier and calls for
fewer waiters to serve the guests. The
large table, decked with lights, flowers, and
many good things to eat, produces a brilliant
effect. As much space as possible is procured
by setting all the chairs against the
.bn 179.png
.pn +1
walls of the dining-room. It must be confessed,
however, that when the company is
large there is often an unpleasant jam in
the supper-room.
Bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters,
sandwiches or rolls, ices, fancy cakes, bonbons,
and coffee constitute the usual bill
of fare, to which other and more expensive
dainties, such as terrapin and birds,
are sometimes added. For an informal
dance the menu may be much simplified.
If wine is served, it is usually champagne,
although less expensive and less “heady”
beverages, such as light Rhine wines, are
sometimes substituted. There should always
be a punch-bowl filled with lemonade,
wine-cup, or punch that is not too strong,
placed in the hall or elsewhere for the benefit
of thirsty dancers. On a formal occasion
a servant ladles this out. At an informal
affair the guests help themselves.
At a large public function, such as the
Charity Ball in New York, the floor committee
make introductions if these are
desired, but the guests usually go with
their own parties. Where the tickets cost
five dollars apiece, in addition to the price
.bn 180.png
.pn +1
of the supper, a certain degree of exclusiveness
is attained, although, as we all know,
there are many persons who have plenty
of money yet lack social culture and experience.
The opening of such an affair is quite
imposing. The officers of the ball enter
in a grand march, the patronesses coming
first on the arms of the governors, the remaining
members of the committee following
two by two, all the men wearing
badges. Where officers of the army and
navy take part, their uniforms add to the
brilliancy of the general effect. There is
usually no reception of guests at such a
function, and no formal entrance to the
supper-room. The thoughtful man endeavors
to have a table reserved for his
party when a great many people are present.
All the large hotels in New York now
have roof-gardens where there is dancing
in the afternoon and evening. Many people
go to these as lookers-on, ordering a
cup of tea, ices, and coffee or wine. The
price of admission in the daytime usually
includes the cost of the tea. At certain
.bn 181.png
.pn +1
of the evening resorts the very objectionable
custom exists of charging no entrance
fee but demanding that guests shall purchase
a bottle of champagne. Those who
refuse to order wine and insist upon having
a milder beverage are furnished with coffee
at the price of one dollar for each cup.
Careful people do not patronize places of
this sort unless they look in for a short
time as a matter of curiosity. If they wish
to dance, they go to hotels of established
reputation, usually in parties of four
or six. They can thus have a good time
together and be entirely independent of
the rest of the company.
“Dinner dances” may be given either
at the residence of the hostess or at assembly-rooms,
as is most convenient. An
entertainment at a private house brings
with it an atmosphere of hospitality which
is lacking in a hotel ballroom. Hence, if
the affair is not on so large a scale as to
overcrowd her rooms and if these have
good hard-wood floors, the hostess will
probably decide to use her own house. If
a large number of persons are to be invited,
it will be necessary to engage the
.bn 182.png
.pn +1
requisite space at a good hotel. The
hostess sends out two sets of invitations;
those for the dinner are in her own name,
and that of her husband also, with the
words “Dancing at eleven” or “ten,” as
the case may demand, in the lower left-hand
corner. The invitations for the dance
are in the name of the hostess alone.
They may be in the “At Home” or “Requests
the pleasure” form. The hour for
the second part of the entertainment must
be late enough to insure the termination
of the dinner before the arrival of those
invited for the dancing only. Great pains
must be taken to have the floors in first-class
condition, polished sufficiently, yet
not made too slippery. For a small dinner
dance at a private house, the supper
should be a simple affair, served “en
buffet.”
The combination “dinner dance” affords
a pleasant way of dividing the evening’s
hospitality so that no hostess need be
unduly burdened. Several friends arrange
to give dinners on the same evening, one
of the circle undertaking to have a dance
at her house, or at an assembly-room if
.bn 183.png
.pn +1
she prefers. In either case she assumes
the expense of the occasion; she furnishes
the supper, engages the musicians, and the
hall also, if the affair takes place there.
The guests “go on” in automobiles or
omnibuses from the various houses where
they have been entertained, meeting at the
dwelling of the latest hostess, or at the
assembly-room, at ten or eleven o’clock.
The dancing usually lasts till one or two
o’clock.
For a ball, women wear their handsomest
clothes, and married ladies adorn themselves
with a profusion of jewels. All appear
in décolleté gowns made with short
sleeves and more or less train, according
to the fashion of the moment. In America
many elderly ladies claim exemption from
this fashion, thinking the costume inappropriate
to persons of their years. Here,
at least, we are certainly more sensible
than our English sisters, who make a sort
of fetish of the low-necked gown. While
some American women carry this style to
an immodest extreme, the majority are too
wise to do so. Ball dresses for married
ladies are made of rich and expensive materials—silks,
.bn 184.png
.pn +1
satins, brocades—trimmed
with beautiful laces or combined with
chiffon or other gauzy stuffs. While a
great deal of jewelry is worn, it is well to
have a certain unity of effect. The woman
who puts on a great variety of jewels combined
in a tasteless way may produce a
strong impression upon the beholder, but
it will not be an agreeable one. For young
girls, décolleté gowns of diaphanous material,
either white or of a delicate tint,
are the most appropriate and becoming.
They should wear little jewelry, simplicity
being the keynote of their costume. Diamonds
and rich laces are not suitable for
a débutante. Men wear the regulation
evening dress, black swallow-tail coat with
trousers to match, low-cut white waistcoat,
white dress-shirt, patent-leather shoes
or pumps, black socks, white lawn tie, and
white or light gloves.
.bn 185.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch09
IX||
.dv class=font85
The Automobilist as Host—Provision for Comfort
of Guests—Duties of Guest—Dress and Luggage—Automobile
Picnics—Entertainment of Chauffeur—When
a Visit Becomes a Visitation.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.2 0.65
THE owner of an automobile is able to
entertain his friends in a pleasant way
with comparatively little trouble. He can
take them out for a spin without interfering
with the machinery of the household
or giving extra work to the servants.
Almost every one enjoys motoring in warm
weather, and it is easy to stop for luncheon
at a country club or an inn or to have a
picnic by the wayside, should the owner
of the car wish to show more than mere
“carriage hospitality.” The trip may be
short or long, as he pleases, and as he
thinks will be agreeable to his guests. If
these are persons who are not young, or
.bn 186.png
.pn +1
who are unaccustomed to motoring, he must
be careful not to take them too far nor too
fast. The fatigue of going a long distance
at a rapid rate is a severe tax on the uninitiated.
It is well to have the excursion
include some object of interest, such as a
beautiful piece of scenery or fine buildings.
During the great heat, motoring for its
own sake is found very refreshing, simply
because the rapidity of the motion makes
every one feel cool. In winter few people
care to go out for pleasure trips, but many
persons continue to use their cars as a
quick and convenient way of getting about,
when the snow and mud are not too bad.
It is a kind attention to lend a friend one’s
automobile for a shopping tour or for paying
visits. She should not detain it a
moment after the hour named for its return.
If none has been mentioned, she
may be able to find out from the chauffeur
how much time the trip is expected to
occupy, or calculate it herself, remembering
that one should not overtax the generosity
of a friend. Having decided upon
the hour when the car should return, it is
well to say to the chauffeur, “Please let
.bn 187.png
.pn +1
me know when it is time to turn back.”
One should in any event use the car
only for a moderate distance, since
every mile traversed costs a certain
sum.
The automobilist who has invited one
or more ladies to go out with him stops
for them in his car. Arrived at their
dwelling, he asks to have them informed
that the car is there, and waits for them
in the reception or drawing-room. He assists
his guests to enter the car, and wraps
the robe carefully around them, tucking it
in at the sides. In winter, plenty of fur
or heavy woolen robes should be provided.
In summer lighter ones will suffice, with
linen covers to protect the dresses from the
dust. For an open car, it is well to have
several pairs of goggles of different kinds on
hand, and to offer these to the guests if a
long trip is contemplated or if the roads are
dusty. The host asks whether the ladies
would like the windows open or closed, and
the wind-shield up or down. In the course
of the trip he repeats these inquiries, especially
if there is a strong breeze blowing,
or if a change occurs in the weather.
.bn 188.png
.pn +1
Having made sure that his guests are comfortably
settled, he climbs in and takes his
place. While the tonneau, or main body
of the automobile, is held to be the place
of honor, because it is less exposed than
the front seats, the latter are really more
comfortable in many cars because the
motion is less felt there. Hence if the
host is driving himself, he will ask whether
any of his guests would like to sit beside
him. Some young lady will probably prefer
to do so, unless he is a very tiresome
person. A good driver does not go too
fast, and proceeds with caution over the
rough places, in order not to shake up the
occupants of the car.
The host decides in what direction the
trip shall be, although he may very properly
ask whether his guests would like to go
there. If requested to do so, the latter
are at liberty to express their choice. A
courteous person does not insist, however,
on being taken in any special direction.
Where the proposed trip is a long one, and
the guest has a later engagement, he should
say frankly: “I should enjoy very much
going to —–, but I fear there will not be
.bn 189.png
.pn +1
time, as I have promised to be down-town
at five o’clock.”
If the excursion is to be an all-day or
overnight affair, it is usually arranged beforehand.
When the owner of the car invites
the party to go with him at his expense
and makes this evident by saying
explicitly, “I want you all to be my guests
for the trip,” he pays the hotel bill and all
other costs. He acts as host just as he
would in his own house, ordering the meals
and naming the hours when they shall be
served. He should inquire whether any
of the party would like to have breakfast
served in their own rooms. He plans the
whole trip and lays out the course to be
traversed each day.
There are some circumstances, however,
under which the automobilist may very
properly offer only a limited hospitality
to his guests. Thus, it may happen that a
number of friends all wish to go to see a
football game or other athletic contest in
a neighboring town. If one of the number
then offers to take them there in his car,
it is understood of course that his hospitality
extends only to the means of transportation.
.bn 190.png
.pn +1
All procure their tickets beforehand,
and the expense of the entertainment
at the hotel is divided among
them. When one is doubtful on which
plan the trip is to be conducted, one
should by all means endeavor to pay one’s
share. It is best in a case of this sort for
a single individual to speak for the rest.
He can say when the time comes for payment,
“You must let us know, John, what
our share of the hotel bill is.” Or it could
be proposed beforehand that one of the
number should act as treasurer. This is
an ungrateful office to fill, since some one
is apt to forget to pay, and dunning friends
is an unpleasant task. The man selected
should not be the host, who may be
thought to have done his share. He
should, however, be the richest man of
the party; first, because it will be easier
for him than for his poorer comrades to
bear any loss should there be one; second,
because in nine cases out of ten rich people
care more about money than poor ones;
third, because they are more accustomed
to making financial arrangements. Hence
the job of collecting is less difficult for them.
.bn 191.png
.pn +1
A guest should embark on a motor-trip
with the intention of having a good time
and enjoying all that there is to be enjoyed.
He should be prepared to take any
delay or mishap with cheerful philosophy.
A man or a woman who possesses the true
spirit of sport will not sulk or complain
if the tire bursts or the engine for some
mysterious reason refuses to work. All
complicated machinery is liable to accident,
and if one enjoys all the advantages
of very rapid motion, one must expect
from time to time to experience the
drawbacks. Neither should one take it
in dudgeon if rain comes on. The host
cannot be expected to insure good weather.
A guest sitting in the rear must not talk
to the driver. The latter must constantly
watch the road, and cannot turn his head
to speak to any one behind him without
risk of accident.
The automobile practically annihilates
distance, thus greatly increasing the number
of places which can be readily reached
from any given spot. A picnic to which
the company go in motor-cars may be
ten, twenty, or more miles away. If many
.bn 192.png
.pn +1
people are to take part in it, the site must
be selected with great care. When half a
dozen friends go off for a frolic, it does not
so much matter what sort of place they
choose, because if it does not come up to
their expectations they can eat their luncheon
without leaving the car. For a larger
number all the arrangements should
be carefully made in advance. A committee
of one or more should visit the
chosen spot beforehand, and get the owner’s
permission to hold the picnic there.
It is very sad for a party of friends on
pleasure bent to be warned off the grounds
just as they have their whole luncheon
unpacked and spread out on the grass.
Yet this frequently happens at places in
the neighborhood of summer resorts. The
city visitor, misled by the uncultivated
aspect of some beautiful spot, fails to
realize that it is private property, and
that the owners may find it extremely inconvenient
to have their premises constantly
invaded and their privacy destroyed.
Some owners are willing to allow
picknickers to come to their places, provided
permission is obtained beforehand,
.bn 193.png
.pn +1
the débris removed, and no damage done
to the trees and shrubs. The vandalism
of certain summer visitors is hardly believable.
They will calmly leave the unsightly
and unwholesome remains of their
repast lying about to offend the eyes and
nostrils of later comers and to breed flies.
Farmers and others sometimes make a
regular charge for letting their grounds
for the day.
Our committee of one should choose a
spot where the grass is not too long, and
should find out whether there is any danger
of an incursion by cattle. It is very
desirable to select a place near shade-trees.
Luncheon-baskets furnished with knives,
forks, etc., can now be readily purchased.
Cold water, fruit-punch, or lemonade and
hot coffee may be conveniently transported
in Thermos bottles. Some people
carry chafing-dishes and prepare scrambled
eggs, mushrooms, or Welsh rarebit on the
spot. It is usual to have every one contribute
some article to the bill of fare at
a picnic. In order that there shall not be
a surplus of one article and a shortage of
another, the persons or committee who
.bn 194.png
.pn +1
get up the affair should arrange with each
individual or party what they shall bring.
If there are tables at the appointed rendezvous,
cold ham, chickens, etc., may
be brought whole. If the cloth is to be
spread upon the grass, the carving should
all be done beforehand. The idea of a
picnic is that it shall be a more or less
unceremonious occasion, yet care must be
taken that informality does not degenerate
into slovenly disorder. The food
should all be done up neatly and daintily,
napkins of paper, if not of linen, should be
provided, also knives and forks and spoons
where these will be needed.
The best results are secured by deputing
two or more persons to arrange the table,
instead of intrusting this task to the whole
company. When the feast is ready the
gentlemen pass the dishes to the ladies,
but it is a part of the fun to have the latter
assist in the work. If there are older
people present, they are asked to sit still
and be waited upon. At formal picnics
the table is arranged and the food set out
by servants. Impromptu vaudeville, charades,
tableaux, or songs with guitar accompaniment
.bn 195.png
.pn +1
make a pleasant ending to
the affair, where time permits. Dancing
has always been popular on these occasions.
They are often held at some place
of resort which boasts a hall or open-air
platform for the dancers.
In dressing for a trip in a motor-car, a
woman should wear a small, close-fitting
hat or an automobile bonnet. This and
the large veil covering it should be securely
fastened down, so that there will be no
danger of their blowing away. All superfluous
ribbons and streamers should be
avoided for the same reason. A dust-cloak
of linen or pongee is a great protection
in summer. As such a garment
affords little warmth, the tourist should
provide herself with a cloth coat also.
Men wear small caps and dusters or light
overcoats. Since there is little room for
luggage on a car, a guest who is invited
to go for a tour should take as little as
possible, packing it in a suit-case or bag,
or small automobile trunk, if she has received
permission to carry one. Since
motoring is extremely dusty business, it
is well to take a change of costume to wear
.bn 196.png
.pn +1
in the evening, if this is to be spent at an
inn. Foulards and India silks are excellent
for this purpose, as they weigh so
little and are not easily creased or tumbled.
If one has not space for an entire gown, a
dressy waist should be carried.
The craze for motoring has developed
many wayside inns scattered along the
routes most frequented by tourists. Some
of these are ancient hostelries, or reproductions
of the same, charmingly furnished
in ye olden style. Here travelers
by automobile stop for lunch, afternoon
tea, or dinner, or to spend the night. As
inn-keepers sometimes charge the owners
of motor-cars extortionate prices, those
who wish to avoid great expense should
carry lunch-baskets with them. They
can then arrange an impromptu picnic
by the wayside and so be independent of
landlords, should the latter be unreasonable
in their charges. Indeed, many people
consider these wayside lunches part of the
fun of a motor-trip. They start off for a
tour of several days, equipped with a
large basket containing plenty of provisions.
Some picturesque spot is chosen
.bn 197.png
.pn +1
for the daily picnic, the basket being replenished
at shops or hotels en route, should
this be necessary.
People who wish to go on a motor-trip
in Europe now find it better to take over
their own car and chauffeur, rather than
to hire these on the other side of the water.
It is necessary, however, to procure a permit
allowing the party to cross from one
country into another. Otherwise the traveler
is subject to vexatious delays at the
frontiers. The owner of a car must always
remember that the chauffeur, like
the passengers, requires food at regular
intervals. Sometimes an allowance is
made to him and he gets his meals where
he likes; sometimes his employer arranges
for his entertainment. As he is
usually of a better class than the ordinary
domestic, he is not willing to eat with the
servants. He prefers to take his meals
after his employer, but at the same table.
If the latter is visiting at an expensive inn,
and there are cheaper ones of a suitable character
in the neighborhood, he may request
his chauffeur to dine or spend the night at
one of these, furnishing him with the money.
.bn 198.png
.pn +1
Instead of staying at an inn, the automobilist
sometimes makes a visit to friends
in the country. Where this is by invitation,
the host entertains the chauffeur, or
arranges to have him cared for in the neighborhood.
As the touring party probably
consists of two or three people in addition,
such a visit, if prolonged, may readily become
a tax on the hospitality of the host.
Hence the stay should be limited to one or
two nights, else it may become a “visitation.”
If a party of motorists stop to lunch or
spend the night at a friend’s house without
previous invitation, they should endeavor
to provide for the entertainment
of their chauffeur elsewhere, since it would
hardly be courteous to put this additional
strain on the hospitality of their
host.
.bn 199.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch10
X||
.dv class=font85
Arrangement of the Card-tables—Playing for Prizes—Good
and Bad Manners at the Card-table—Why Certain
People are not Asked—Duties of Hostess—Card
Parties for Charity—Dress and Etiquette of Evening
Receptions.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.2 0.65
THE extreme popularity of bridge has
somewhat lessened since the tango
craze invaded society. Card-playing still
has many devotees, however, and is likely
to have them in the future, as in the past.
When not carried on too strenuously, it
affords a mild and gentle form of amusement
that is especially valuable to elderly
persons, or to younger ones of quiet tastes.
For a bridge party, card-tables and light
chairs can be hired from furniture stores
or caterers. Ordinary tables may be used,
provided they are large enough to seat four
persons comfortably, and not so large as
.bn 200.png
.pn +1
to make it difficult to reach across them
to gather up the tricks. It is now thought
well to cover them with a cloth, although
our grandparents used the bare mahogany,
if we may judge by the tables that have
come down to us. Hostesses who often
give card parties will find it convenient to
buy several tables. These may be covered
with green baize or enamel cloth, or upholstered
in silk or damask to match the
room. In the latter case one should have
white linen slips that can be taken off and
washed every time they are used. Small,
light chairs are preferred to heavy ones,
and they must be of the right height.
The hostess should measure her rooms
beforehand, to see how many people she
can accommodate comfortably.
Space must be left to pass between the
tables, and these must not be placed too
near steam-pipes or draughty windows.
The drawing-rooms should be well ventilated
before the guests arrive, yet not quite
so cool as they would be for a dance.
Should they become close in the course of
the evening, the hostess should be careful
not to open a window without warning
.bn 201.png
.pn +1
those in the vicinity that she is about to
do so, and so give them an opportunity
of changing their seats. In a house furnished
with electric lights, it is easy to
have the rooms well lighted yet not overheated.
Where it is necessary to use
lamps or candles, their arrangement will
require some care. They must be near
enough the players to enable them to see,
yet never set on the card-table itself. It
is dangerous to place them on stands so
small and light that they are liable to be
upset.
All the paraphernalia used in the game,
the playing-cards, scoring tablets or cards,
counters, etc., must be fresh and in good
condition. A pencil that refuses to write
furnishes one of the peculiarly exasperating,
though small, miseries of life. If many
people are invited, new cards should be
provided. For progressive euchre there
must be punches and score-cards. The
hostess asks some one to do the punching,
or attends to it herself. At a large party
she does not play unless it is necessary to
fill an empty place.
Some persons think it no harm to play
.bn 202.png
.pn +1
for money, provided the stakes are very
small. The habit of gambling, which was
introduced into society in this country not
many years ago, has resulted in such scandals
and so much evil that the wisest
and safest way is to avoid it altogether.
Even where there is playing for money, a
hostess must provide one or more tables for
those guests who object to it on principle.
Good form and common sense alike demand
this. Many people become so excited
by the desire to win the prize or
stakes of the evening that they treat one
another with scanty politeness, and the unfortunate
player who makes a mistake is
often roundly scolded for her carelessness.
During the card mania which prevailed at
Newport a year or two ago, it was said that
many people did not speak as they passed
by, owing to quarrels over bridge. To give
prizes that are very handsome and expensive
is not considered to be in the best
taste. The hostess should take pains to
secure articles that are pretty and attractive,
but not of great money value. It is
also thought best not to show them until
the playing is over.
.bn 203.png
.pn +1
Some people find it interesting to play
nominally, but not actually, for money.
A gentleman who took part in a series of
games while crossing the Atlantic was relieved
when the voyage was over to find
that the ladies of the party construed all
the financial obligations in a purely Pickwickian
sense. The score was made out,
but no payments were permitted. It need
scarcely be said that a real debt at the
gaming-table is held to be one of honor, for
the simple reason that there is no legal
obligation to pay it. To induce a young
man or woman to play, and perhaps lose
a large sum of money, may be thought
a greater offense against honor.
Good form demands that all who take
part in a game of cards shall pay strict
attention to it and follow the rules. Not
every one can win, but all should do their
best. It is extremely annoying to devotees
of bridge to be interrupted by conversation
while the hands are being played.
The great actress Charlotte Cushman
once had her patience severely taxed by
a gentleman who persisted in talking to
her partner. Presently she said in her
.bn 204.png
.pn +1
rich, deep voice, with great emphasis:
“Remember, this is whist.”
The effect was startling, and the offender
sinned no more, at least on that occasion.
If a player does her best, more cannot
be expected of her. To find fault with
one’s partner, asking her in an injured
tone why she did not return a certain lead,
or why she played that ace of hearts second
hand, is decidedly bad form. We must
always remember that among ladies and
gentlemen card-playing should be considered
as an amusement, serious if you
will, but nevertheless a form of diversion
and not a matter of business. Hence the
well-bred woman loses neither her temper
nor her philosophical spirit. She may
wish to win, but her desire must not be
so overwhelming as to make every one
feel uncomfortable if she loses. If she
destroys the pleasure of her neighbors by
sulking, by snubbing or scolding her partner,
she has only herself to thank if she
is not invited to card parties. The habitual
late-comer is also likely to be left out.
The person who arrives after every one
.bn 205.png
.pn +1
has begun to play, or who leaves before the
games are over, interferes seriously with
the pleasure of others. As we have said
above, the hostess does not play when
many persons are present, in order that
she may be free to receive late-comers and
to have a general supervision of the comfort
and pleasure of her guests.
Bridge parties may be arranged for the
afternoon or evening, or they may take
place in connection with a luncheon or a
dinner. In either of the latter cases it
suffices to have lemonade or some other
cooling drink handed to the guests as they
sit at the card-table. Some hostesses offer
sandwiches also, or give ices in the evening;
others serve tea in the afternoon. Where
guests are invited to the card party only,
a light supper is served in the evening.
Hostesses who expect to have bridge follow
a dinner should either invite card-players
only or else arrange for the entertainment
of those who do not take part
in the game. It is rather forlorn for a
single couple to be left out in the cold
when the players retire to another room
and shut the doors to avoid being disturbed.
.bn 206.png
.pn +1
The former, having no one save
their hosts to talk to, soon take their
leave.
Card parties are often used as a means
of raising money for a charity, or for the
work of a society. These may be given at
a hotel, a woman’s club-house, or a private
house. In the case last mentioned, the
hostess throws open her rooms and provides
the refreshments, or a part of them,
as may be preferred. The members of
the society may each bring a cake or some
sandwiches, the lady of the house furnishing
tea and chocolate. It is usually
arranged to have several ladies buy a
table apiece for a certain sum of money.
If this is two dollars, they sell the single
seats to their friends for fifty cents each,
or invite the latter to come as their guests.
They bring their own outfit—cards, score,
and the light, collapsible tables that are
easily carried; or these may be sent beforehand
to the house of the hostess. Occasionally
an enterprising member of the
society brings some of her own handiwork
and offers it for sale, thus netting an additional
sum for the charitable enterprise.
.bn 207.png
.pn +1
Evening receptions, unless enlivened by
some special attraction, are less popular
now than in the earlier and simpler society
of the Victorian era. One of their obvious
advantages is that men can attend them,
another is that they enable the hostess
with limited space at her command to
invite a number of guests who would overcrowd
her rooms should she attempt to
give a dance. The evening reception is a
favorite form of entertainment for introducing
a distinguished guest to a circle of
friends. Certain hostesses in New York
still receive on one evening in the week,
and succeed in gathering in their drawing-rooms
an interesting company of literary
and artistic folk—people who know how
to talk and who enjoy doing so. A bride
and groom may conveniently issue cards
for one or more evening receptions when
they are settled in their new home. They
thus make themselves known to new
friends and renew acquaintance with old
ones.
A reception in the evening is gayer than
an affair in the daytime, yet it need not
necessarily be formal. For a large and
.bn 208.png
.pn +1
handsome function, engraved invitations in
the names of both husband and wife are
issued, the “At Home” form being ordinarily
used. If it is in honor of distinguished
guests, the phrase, “To meet Mr. and
Mrs. —— ——” is added.
According to strict rule, the “At Home”
formula does not require an answer. It is
always polite, however, to send regrets if
one is unable to attend the entertainment.
For one or more informal receptions, the
joint visiting-card of husband and wife
may be used, with the words “At Home”
and the date written in, the hours also
“9 to 11” in the city), if desired. The
arrangements are the same as for any
evening occasion. The central part of the
drawing-rooms is cleared of furniture, and
vases, small stands, or other articles liable
to be knocked over are removed to some
other part of the house. If the occasion
is a large and stately one, potted plants
or other floral decorations may adorn the
rooms, while an orchestra composed of a
few stringed instruments discourses sweet
sounds behind a leafy trellis. A handsome
supper is served in the dining-room during
.bn 209.png
.pn +1
the greater part of the evening, since guests
are supposed to come and go rather than
to stay through a reception.
It is in perfectly good form, however,
to receive in a much more simple fashion,
in accordance with the customs of good society
in continental Europe. It is not
necessary to provide either music, elaborate
floral decorations, or an expensive
supper. In Italy, where evening receptions
are a favorite form of entertainment,
ladies of rank give their guests lemonade
and biscuits, or sponge-cake and wine, or
nothing at all! At an occasion of this
sort husband and wife usually receive together,
presenting all the company to the
guest of honor, who stands beside them.
At a formal affair the guests are usually
announced by a man-servant. He inquires
their names and calls these out as
they enter the drawing-room. One does
not leave cards at an evening reception.
All wear evening dress, as described in
#Chapter VII:ch07#. Ladies seldom wear hats,
however, as they occasionally do at a
public reception.
.bn 210.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch11
XI||
.dv class=font85
How to Entertain a Guest at a Hotel in the City
and in the Country—Etiquette for the Guest in Hotels
and Restaurants—Dress for Morning, Afternoon, and
Evening.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.2 0.65
IN these days of apartment-houses, the
spare bedroom has been necessarily
eliminated from many households. This
does not mean that hospitality to friends
from a distance has ceased to exist, but
only that it must be practised in a different
way. If one has not sufficient space
to make a guest comfortable in one’s own
dwelling, one should arrange for her accommodation
at a hotel. The room must
be engaged, and if possible visited beforehand.
The hostess should see with her
own eyes, or with those of a trustworthy
agent, that the apartment is sufficiently
.bn 211.png
.pn +1
large, well lighted and heated. A pleasant
outlook is desirable anywhere, but indispensable
in the country. A foreign gentleman
of distinction attending a certain congress
in the United States a year or two ago
was quartered in a small, stuffy, inner
room. So great was his dissatisfaction
that the president of the learned body
was summoned. Fortunately, the latter
was of an ingenious turn of mind. Spying
a fire-escape on the outside of the window,
he explained at some length to the foreigner
the extreme desirability of the room—on
account of the proximity of this important
mode of exit. The guest was entirely satisfied
with the explanation, and peace once
more reigned among the philosophers.
If the host’s means will permit, he should
engage for his friend a room with a bath.
He should also instruct the clerk at the
desk to have the bill for room, meals, and
service presented to him and not to the
guest. The latter will have no expense
except fees to the servants. These vary
with the length of the stay and with the
character of the hotel. A woman is not
expected to spend so much on tips as a
.bn 212.png
.pn +1
man. It is usually best for a transient
guest to fee the waiter at each meal, since
another man will probably be in attendance
at the next one. The usual rule is
to give ten per cent. of the sum paid for
lunch or dinner—ten cents being the minimum—except
at a restaurant of humble
pretensions, where five will be gladly
accepted by the waitress.
In addition to feeing the waiter, a lady
gives a small sum to the chambermaid—twenty-five
cents for a stay of a day or
two. Ten cents should be sufficient for
the porter when he brings up a trunk, and
again when he takes it away. The ubiquitous
hall-boy strongly resembles the daughter
of the horse-leech. Here again, as in
the case of the waiter, the safest way
seems to be to hand him ten cents, I will
not say whenever he appears, but whenever
he performs any service for the guest—such
as escorting the latter to her room on
her arrival, or bringing a glass of ice-water.
Women of frugal mind endeavor to call
on these functionaries as little as they
can, because the cents readily mount into
dollars. The elevator-boy receives fewer
.bn 213.png
.pn +1
tips than his peripatetic brother, and need
not be feed after a short stay.
It is always courteous to send exact information
about trains to a person coming
from a distance. A man is usually able
to take care of himself, but for a woman
it is not altogether pleasant to arrive alone
in a strange place. The hostess should
meet her friend at the station, or send some
one else to do so and to bring her to the
hotel. Here the hostess should show her
guest where to register and see her comfortably
established. If unable to meet
the traveler at the train, the hostess should
call soon afterward in order to welcome her
guest and to see that the latter has everything
that she needs. Where the friend
from a distance has come for a special
occasion, such as a luncheon or a reception,
the hostess calls to take her to it and brings
her back afterward, or sends a carriage or
car. The hostess should invite the guest
to a meal at her own house, or if this is not
possible she usually arranges to lunch or
dine with her friend at the hotel. When
the time comes for departure, she pays the
hotel bill before her guest appears on the
.bn 214.png
.pn +1
scene or after the latter has left, escorts
her to the train, and sees her off. If a
lady comes on the invitation of a club,
the secretary or chairman of entertainment
acts as hostess and fulfils all the duties
named above, except that it is not obligatory
to invite the visitor to her house, although
it is always kind to do so. There
is often some member of the society living
in the hotel who will invite the lecturer to
take one or more meals at her table, and
will see in a general way after her comfort.
Some speakers, however, prefer to remain
alone, finding it an extra fatigue to be
entertained.
When a hostess invites a friend for a
stay of several days or a week, she endeavors
to select a hotel in her own neighborhood.
She often arranges to have the
latter take all meals at her house, and
plans for her amusement as she would
for a visitor under her own roof. Should
the distance, or some other circumstance,
make it more convenient for the friend to
use the hotel dining-room, the hostess
should call every morning, or ring up on
the telephone, to inquire how the visitor
.bn 215.png
.pn +1
is and make arrangements for the day’s
programme, unless this has been agreed
upon on the previous evening. In the
city, a guest from out of town usually enjoys
sight-seeing, the theater, opera, and
concerts. A woman of serious tastes likes
to go to lectures and meetings; her more
light-minded sister enjoys shopping. In
the country, motoring, boating, bathing,
and the various athletic sports in their
season offer a variety of attractions. If
one can arrange a number of social entertainments
for a friend, and have her asked
out to lunch or dine at other houses as well
as at that of the hostess, this is paying
her a special compliment.
The best way to entertain a party of
friends at a restaurant is to engage the
table and choose the bill of fare beforehand.
Where the luncheon or supper is
an impromptu affair, this is not always
possible. The host may then consult his
guests about the dishes, or he may make
out the menu and hand it to the waiter.
If the service is à la carte, it is rather
awkward to pass the bill of fare to the
guests, since the prices will stare them in
.bn 216.png
.pn +1
the face. Those who have delicacy of
feeling will hesitate to order costly dishes
at the expense of another person. Those
who have no such scruples may make the
bill too heavy for the purse of the host.
Therefore the latter does well to keep
the bill of fare in his own hands and give
the order himself, consulting his guests
first, if he pleases. It is generally safer
to avoid novel or very elaborate dishes,
unless one knows something about them.
They are less apt to be satisfactory, and
are liked by fewer people than the plain,
ordinary articles of food.
The party may go together to the restaurant,
after an evening at the theater
for instance, or they may meet there for
dinner or luncheon. If the affair takes
place at a hotel, the guests assemble in a
public parlor. Where the host is a man,
a young woman should go under the charge
of her mother or other chaperon. It is bad
form for a young girl to take any meal
at a restaurant with a young man alone.
When a woman has reached the age of
thirty and is still unmarried, the strictness
of this rule is slightly relaxed in her
.bn 217.png
.pn +1
favor. Custom permits her to lunch or
take afternoon tea with a young man who
is her relative, or a friend whom she knows
well. But she must neither dine nor sup
with him. At some restaurants ladies are
not admitted after a certain hour without
a male escort. Quiet, middle-aged women
wishing to dine at some establishment of
good reputation in New York have been
justly indignant when refused permission
to do so. The existence of this regulation
shows us how careful young women must
be about the places where they dine.
There are quiet restaurants connected
with family hotels where they can get
their dinner without exciting any remark.
At a ladies’ lunch the hostess leads the
way to the dining-room, taking with her
the oldest or the most distinguished woman
present. The entry is without formality,
as in the case of a luncheon in a private
house. At a dinner or supper the host
goes in advance of his guests. If the
party consists of young people under the
charge of a chaperon, he asks her to sit
at his right hand or opposite to him. If
it consists of married couples, he requests
.bn 218.png
.pn +1
the eldest or the most distinguished lady
to take the place at his right. A woman
does not stay alone at a hotel unless she
is no longer young, or unless she is in
some business which makes this necessary.
She should endeavor to choose a quiet
hostelry, and to so dress and act as to
avoid attracting attention. At some hotels,
ladies traveling without trunks are not
received. The clerk at the desk is usually
a man of good judgment and experience.
He “sizes up” the persons asking
for rooms, and if they seem to him undesirable
inmates for the hotel, they will be
informed that everything is engaged. The
feminine guest, when traveling alone for
the first time, may feel some trepidation
as she approaches a country inn or city
hotel. She will be reassured when she
remembers that it is the business of the
landlord to entertain strangers, and that
the living of every one in the establishment
depends upon his giving good service
to the traveling public. In a city
hotel, there are hall-boys at every turn to
show her just where to go.
She enters the hotel by the ladies’ door,
.bn 219.png
.pn +1
if there is one, and proceeds at once to the
desk. Here she inquires about rooms and
prices, mentions how long her stay is
likely to be, and registers her name in the
hotel book. If she is a young woman, she
receives any gentleman that may call on
her in the public parlor or reception-room,
and avoids being out late in the evening
as much as possible. While all guests
have a right to complain of imperfections
in service, etc., it is bad form to find fault
constantly about trivial matters. Some
persons fancy that behavior of this sort
gives them an air of importance, whereas
in reality it shows that they are either
selfish and querulous or lacking in experience.
The courteous traveler is a bit
philosophical. He knows that delays will
sometimes occur and that every one cannot
be waited upon first. He will not
allow himself to be imposed upon without
making a remonstrance, but he will not
continually assert his rights. A lady traveling
alone needs to be especially careful
about the manner in which she makes
complaints at a hotel. To hear a woman
scold is unpleasant even in the family
.bn 220.png
.pn +1
circle, but in a public place it is lamentable.
There voice and temper alike must
be kept under strict control.
Young girls do not, of course, stay at a
hotel in the city or country unless accompanied
by mother or chaperon. At summer
resorts they are sometimes thoughtless
about loud talk and laughter in the corridors
and lobbies of a hotel, and about sitting
on the veranda in the company of
an agreeable youth until an unduly late
hour. They are so carried away by their
high spirits, and are having such a delightful
time, that they forget how censorious
the world is. They forget that in a public
place it is necessary to be quieter and more
reserved in manner than in a private house,
and thus show that one understands and
respects the laws of good-breeding.
When staying at a hotel, one should be
dressed well but not in a conspicuous way.
Ladies may wear their hats or not, as they
find convenient. Thus, if one were going
out immediately after breakfast, one would
come down in a simply made street costume.
Matinées and tea-gowns are very
charming in the privacy of home, but their
.bn 221.png
.pn +1
informality makes them inappropriate at
a hotel. In summer, pretty tub dresses,
which please the beholder by their freshness
and simplicity, are especially becoming
to young women. Older ladies wear
gowns of the same material made in a
style suitable to their years, or appear in
foulards, voiles, or other thin stuffs. Elaborate
costumes are not appropriate for the
morning. In winter a lady may come
down to breakfast at a hotel in a morning
dress made all in one piece, or in a skirt of
woolen stuff with waist of silk, chiffon,
or other thin material either white or of
the same color as the skirt.
For the afternoon a lady may retain her
street suit, or she may put on a handsomer
one. If she is not going out she may
prefer to wear a house dress of more expensive
material, and made in a more
elaborate style, than would be suitable in
the morning. According to the present
fashion, such a gown would be cut down at
the throat, with half-length sleeves. Whether
the sojourner at a hotel changes or does
not change her gown in the afternoon, she
should do so for late dinner, since morning
.bn 222.png
.pn +1
costume would not then be appropriate.
As we have already seen, a variety of dress
is permissible at these public places of
entertainment, because guests are arriving,
departing, or going out for engagements
of all sorts. The general rule, however, to
which there are some exceptions, prescribes
evening dress for the evening. At large and
fashionable hotels in New York, many of the
women wear décolleté gowns. A lady invited
to a dinner party at one of these places
would dress as she would at a private
house. In smaller cities, and at quieter hotels,
low-necked dresses are not so often seen.
If a lady intends to take an evening
train she may, if she pleases, appear at
dinner in traveling hat and dress. If she
is going to the theater, opera-house, or
concert-hall, she will wear the kind of costume
described in #Chapter XII:ch12#.
Correspondents sometimes ask what the
proper dress is for Sunday evening at a
hotel. Opinions on this subject vary in
accordance with people’s religious views
or inherited traditions. While the old-fashioned
strict observance of the Sabbath
has been much relaxed both in England
.bn 223.png
.pn +1
and in America, the Puritan view of the
day still strongly influences the manners
and customs of the country at large.
Those who hold to it prefer to dress quietly
and to eschew low-necked gowns on Sunday
evening. They appear in costumes suitable
to wear at church, even if they have no
intention of going there. There are many
other people, especially in a cosmopolitan
city like New York, who hold no such view
of the observance of Sunday, and dress then
as they would on any other day of the week.
Ladies always retain their hats in the
daytime at a restaurant or roof-garden.
They remove their gloves on sitting down
to table, and throw back or take off their
outer wraps. It is usually possible to
check these, but many people object to
the delay involved. Women of good taste
prefer to dress quietly if they attend a
dancing-tea at one of these places, and
thus avoid attracting special attention.
At certain restaurants an effort is made to
compel all guests to wear evening dress.
This is merely copying an English fashion
ill-suited to a democratic country. At the
Hotel Savoy in London they enforce such
.bn 224.png
.pn +1
a rule. An American lady who had
reached the half-century limit, and did not
care to appear in public in a low-necked
dress, went not long ago to the restaurant
there with a party of young friends. She
wore a new and expensive Paris dress and
her handsomest jewels. The young people
were all in evening dress, but because the
chaperon did not have on a décolleté gown
they were refused admission to the restaurant,
and were obliged to content themselves
with dining in the grill-room! At
the best hotels in New York, such as
Delmonico’s, the Astor, and the Plaza,
ladies may wear costumes with hats or
full evening dress, as they find most convenient.
For afternoon dances at hotels
and roof-gardens, men usually come in
business suits. After six o’clock evening
dress is the proper costume. The dinner-jacket,
or informal evening dress, as it may
be called, is often worn for dancing at
roof-gardens, because it is more comfortable
than the long-tailed dress-coat. It is
also used for unceremonious occasions at
hotels and restaurants, as it would be elsewhere
(see Chapters #IV:ch04# and #XII:ch12#).
.bn 225.png
.pn +1
.pb
.sp 4
.h2 id=ch12
XII||
.dv class=font85
Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater
Parties—The Supper—The Bachelor and His Duties
as Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the
Theater, Opera, and Concert-hall.
.dv-
.sp 2
.dc 0.5 0.7
AN informal theater party may be an
impromptu affair got up at short
notice. It may either be a Dutch treat,
where every one pays for himself, or one
or more persons may act as hosts and invite
the others to go at their expense. If
a gentleman and his wife ask another lady
to accompany them, they should either
call for her or invite her to dine with them.
At the conclusion of the performance they
should take her home, or the husband
alone could do so. It is not necessary to
have a carriage if the street-cars are near
at hand. If two ladies living in the same
.bn 226.png
.pn +1
house are invited, the tickets may be sent
to them, asking them to meet their hosts at
the theater. Unless they are very young
women, it will be proper for them to go together,
whereas for a lady alone it would not
be quite pleasant to do so. When the concert
or play is over, the host will see them to
their carriage or to the street-car. If the
hour is late, he will offer to escort them home.
If they assure him that they are not afraid
to go alone, he will not insist upon doing
so, unless he believes this necessary for
their protection. Two young and pretty
women are liable to annoyance from rude
passers-by at a late hour in the evening.
If a man wishes to take a young lady
to the theater he must invite her mother
or other chaperon to be of the party. This
is a safe and excellent rule to follow, and
few exceptions should be made to it. In
the case of cousins or old friends it is sometimes
broken, especially if the lady is not
in her first youth. But young women
should remember that, as the world is very
censorious, one who broke this rule often
would be the subject of unfavorable comment.
A girl may, of course, go to the
.bn 227.png
.pn +1
theater with her brother. The gentleman
may invite a married lady to matronize
the party, or he may ask the girl to choose
her own chaperon. He calls for both his
guests; first for the matron, then for the
young lady. At the close of the performance
he escorts them both to their houses,
leaving the younger woman first at her
residence, and then the elder one at hers.
Where the chaperon has been provided
by the girl, the man may, if he prefers,
send them the tickets and meet them at
the theater or concert-hall, waiting for
them in the lobby. He would certainly
offer at least to escort them home, unless
they were going in a carriage. In this
case he would content himself with asking
the man at the door to call it, or going to
find it himself, should this be necessary,
and putting them safely into their own
conveyance. He should endeavor to find
a sheltered place for them to stand pending
the arrival of the vehicle, and keep a
sharp lookout himself lest the carriage
lose its place in the line and so make the
ladies wait for an undue length of time.
For a large and formal theater party, it
.bn 228.png
.pn +1
is usual to invite the guests to dinner, or to
supper after the play or opera. In either
case they assemble at the house of the
hostess, who provides an omnibus, automobile,
or other conveyance to take them to
and from the playhouse. She must name
an hour early enough to enable the party
to reach the opera-house or theater in good
season. If she asks her friends to dine
with her, she should for the same reason
avoid a long bill of fare. The guests should
be careful to come punctually. Should any
of them be detained, they should telephone
and ask the hostess not to wait for them.
To fail to keep an engagement for dinner
is considered one of the gravest social sins.
How much worse it is to spoil a theater
party in addition by remaining away after
promising to come!
The affair is more likely to go off well
if the hostess introduces those guests who
do not already know one another. Wholesale
introductions are now thought awkward
and undesirable; hence it is better
to make the presentations gradually, one
or two at a time. Those who are to sit
next each other should certainly be introduced.
.bn 229.png
.pn +1
It is well to plan beforehand the
seating of the guests. If the hostess has a
party of young people and is quite at a
loss as to their preferences, she may like
to consult one of them beforehand on this
important matter. To each man should
be handed two tickets. These may be inclosed
in an envelope, with a card bearing
the name of the lady who is to sit next him
at the theater. She also receives an envelope
containing the name of her theater
partner. This arrangement is convenient
where many people go together. If the
party were to sit in a private box it would
be unnecessary. There the ladies sit in
front, the gentlemen behind. The older
women are offered the best seats, but usually
prefer to let the younger ones take
the places where they can see and be seen.
At the close of the performance the theater-carriage
conveys all to their homes, leaving
the women guests first, the hostess next,
the men last of all, although the latter
often choose to walk.
If there is to be a supper, it may be
either at the house of the hostess or at a
restaurant of unblemished reputation. The
.bn 230.png
.pn +1
meal may be simple or elaborate. A
course supper is very much like a dinner
or luncheon, except that it is less formal
and the bill of fare is lighter and daintier.
Few people care to eat a heavy meal late
in the evening. Raw oysters or Little
Neck clams, bouillon in cups, an entrée
of some sort, salad with or without game,
ices, fruit, bonbons, and black coffee may
be served in the order named by those who
care for a full menu. For a theater party
it is not necessary to offer such an elaborate
bill of fare. Oysters, cold chicken with
salad, and ices are quite enough for the
hostess to provide. A chafing-dish supper
produces much fun and jollity among
young people, or among those who know
one another well. It is not to be recommended
for all sorts and conditions of
men, however. An informal meal of this
sort would jar upon the taste of those persons
who like to have everything done
according to conventional methods and in
a stereotyped fashion. The chafing-dish
sets and stands now furnish every convenience
for preparing readily one or more
hot dishes. Welsh rarebit, oysters, lobster,
.bn 231.png
.pn +1
eggs, and mushrooms are all excellent
cooked in this way, to say nothing of the
more complicated dishes which require an
expert to handle successfully. Where the
supper is given at the house of the hostess,
their maids call for the young ladies there,
and it is not necessary for her to send them
home.
If a bachelor wishes to give a theater
party, and to invite young women to be
his guests, he must engage some married
lady of good social position and of a certain
age to act as chaperon. A young
married woman is sometimes as full of
fun and high spirits as a girl. No one
objects to her natural gaiety if she keeps
it within due bounds. But it is not considered
quite the thing for a woman of
this sort to matronize young girls. A
chaperon should have the dignity which
years and experience bestow, though she
need not be dull and stupid. The guests
all meet at the residence of this lady, the
bachelor host arriving a little earlier than
the rest in order to receive his friends, to introduce
them to the chaperon, and to make
such other introductions as the occasion demands.
.bn 232.png
.pn +1
People of moderate means go to
the theater in the street-cars if the evening
is pleasant. The more elegant method
is to provide a theater-carriage; but not
every bachelor can afford so much expense
as this would involve. He should, however,
pay his guests’ fare, and for this purpose
it is well to buy car tickets beforehand.
Otherwise another man of the party
may reach the ticket-booth first and purchase
them before the host has an opportunity
to do so.
At the theater or concert-hall the ladies
are permitted to pass through the wicket
first, the host standing on one side and
showing the tickets. He precedes the rest
of the party going down the aisle to the
seats, in order to point out to all where
they are to sit. It may be arranged to
have the chaperon go in first and take the
innermost seat, or she may be placed
next the host, who sits nearest the
aisle.
Our bachelor may take the party to a
restaurant for supper, to his club if this
possesses a dining-room for ladies, or to his
own apartment or studio, should this be
.bn 233.png
.pn +1
large enough and conveniently located.
In either of the first two cases the table
should be engaged and the menu made
out beforehand. If supper is to be given
in his own rooms, he should have one or
more competent persons to set the table,
do any cooking that may be necessary,
and have all in readiness on the arrival of
the party. There should also be one or
more servants to wait on the table, unless
the affair is an extremely informal one.
The host leads the way to the dining-room,
all following without ceremony. The chaperon
sits at his right, or on the opposite
side of the table. When supper is over
he may escort her, together with the young
women, to her house, or the theater-carriage
may leave them at their houses, provided
the matron of the occasion is of the party
and remains with it until all the young
girls have been taken to their respective
residences. The host gets out first, assists
each of his fair guests in turn to
alight, opens the door for her with the
latch-key or rings the bell, and does not
leave her until she has been admitted to
the house. Where the theater party is
.bn 234.png
.pn +1
given by a lady, the gentleman sitting nearest
the door of the conveyance performs
this service, unless there is a footman in
attendance.
Evening dress is the proper costume for
men at all performances at the opera,
theater, and concert-hall that take place
in the evening. This is de rigueur for
a theater party, and at the grand opera
under all circumstances. For English opera
and informal excursions to the theater,
the dinner-jacket is often worn. Indeed,
our countrymen are very independent
in these matters and claim the
right to dress as they please. In Europe
the rules are stricter. A gentleman of my
acquaintance once went to the opera in
Paris, in the days of the old régime, wearing
an ordinary black coat. He was refused
admission on the ground that evening dress
was necessary. Being a Yankee of an ingenious
turn of mind, he went out, procured
a paper of pins, fastened up the offending
coat-tails into the required shape,
and again presented himself at the opera-house.
The authorities, arguing doubtless
that he had fulfilled the letter of the law,
.bn 235.png
.pn +1
admitted him, so admirable is the logic of
the Frenchman!
The proper costume for women at the
theater and opera is evening dress. At
the grand opera in New York and other
large cities, many ladies wear décolleté
gowns, together with a great deal of jewelry,
although, as we have said elsewhere,
this is by no means a universal custom.
All who sit either in the boxes or in the
orchestra seats appear in handsome toilettes
and wear long white or black kid
gloves. A long evening wrap made of
silk, satin, or other expensive material
forms an important part of opera costume.
One sees only a sprinkling of low-necked
gowns at the theater, American ladies
usually preferring to appear there in
dresses either high-necked or only slightly
cut down. Many wear a pretty, light-colored,
dressy waist with a dark skirt,
since the latter shows little, unless one is
sitting in a private box. For a concert
the costume is the same as for the theater.
Something will depend on the season of
the year, the nature of the occasion, and
the locality. For a special performance,
.bn 236.png
.pn +1
with high-priced tickets, the costumes
would be more elaborate than for one with
an ordinary programme.
Good form demands that we should
always be mindful of the rights, comfort,
and pleasure of other people when we attend
a theatrical or a musical performance.
The persons composing the audience
have paid for their seats, in the great
majority of cases at least, and it is extremely
ill-bred to interfere with their
pleasure by talking or laughing. The men
and women who fancy that it is smart
to do so show themselves lacking in true
politeness. One should endeavor to be
punctual, in order not to disturb one’s
neighbors after the curtain has gone up
or the music has begun. Some one has to
come last, of course, and the earlier arrivals
should stand up and allow the seats
of their chairs to fold back in order to allow
people to pass by them with as little
discomfort as possible. A man sitting
next the aisle should step into it when a
lady is about to pass in. It is courteous
but not obligatory for the latter to do the
same thing. Those who arrive after the
.bn 237.png
.pn +1
performance has begun should remove
their wraps before they go to their seats,
in order not to obscure their neighbor’s
view of the stage while they are doing so.
They must also be careful not to disturb
the latter by rising or bustling about toward
the end of the play. The going in
and out between the acts is rather trying
to those who are obliged to rise constantly
in order to let others pass by. Hence, unless
one has an aisle seat, it is best to go
out only once in the course of the evening.
Where a large number of the audience do
so, as at the opera, the case is different.
The walking up and down the foyer and
the corridors, the consuming of ices and
lemonade, are often a part of the regular
programme. One should be careful to
return to one’s seat when the warning-bell
rings.
It is now thoroughly understood that
all ladies should remove their hats at the
theater, opera, and concert-hall. Occasionally
they are kind enough to do so at
a lecture. A man who is with a party of
ladies may excuse himself for a short absence,
if he sees some one to whom he wishes
.bn 238.png
.pn +1
especially to speak. But if he should do
so often, he would be thought neglectful
and lacking in courtesy by the members
of his party. If he is acting as escort to
one lady, he should not leave her in order
to speak to any one else, unless another
man should come to talk to her, in which
case he could excuse himself, but should
return before the curtain rises again.
.sp 4
.pm centered-start
THE END
.pm centered-end
.sp 4
.pb
\_
.dv class=tnbox
.ul
.it Transcriber’s Notes:
.ul indent=1
.it Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
.it Typographical errors were silently corrected.
.it Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a\
predominant form was found in this book.
.if t
.it Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).
.if-
.ul-
.ul-
.dv-